10/13/2012

1

Transforming Stress

Rick Silva

A service provided by: Veterinary Hospital Managers

Association

Turning Destructive Tension into

Productive Action

VHMA 2012 Annual Meeting and Conference

October 18-21, 2012

Renaissance Vancouver Harbourside Hotel, Vancouver, BC

Transform

Business

Relationships

Strategies

Approaches

Lives

Transform = Change

Old for New

Not Working for Working

Working for Better

Comfort for Growth

Knowing for Learning

Transform Yourself

See Things Differently

Explore The Unknown

Trust Your Senses

Take Good Notes

Ask Questions

For You At This Conference

10/13/2012

2

Change is not merely

necessary to life.

It is Life

~ Alvin Toffler

Reactive Change

-50

+30

0

Transform = Power

1.

2.

3.

Transforming Stress

Examine Stress

Clear Away Assumptions

Separate Cause & Effect

Reframe Stress From … ‒ Something to Fear, Endure, Fight

To

‒ Something to Use, Manage, Balance

Explore Practical Solutions

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Transform Your Business

TRANSFORMING YOUR

BUSINESS

1. Define, communicate and live a clear and

compelling Vision

2. Organize everything around that vision

3. Create Systems that serve the organization and

achieve the vision easier, faster and more

enjoyably

4. Communicate throughout the entire process

5. Develop a Plan and continually adjust

Business Development

Process

Transforming Business

Anything you want to change about

your business

N1

Stress

EXAMINING STRESS

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What causes you Stress?

• Activities / Situations

• Pet Peeves

• Behaviors

• People

“I get stressed when …”

(list)

“If people would just … ______

I would have little of no stress.”

(list)

N2

Transforming Stress

Anything you want to change that

causes you stress

N3

How do you cope?

N4

So Stress is … ?

Bad / Problem

Harmful

Destroying Our Health

Costing Us Millions

Unavoidable

Needs to Be Fixed

– At My Gym

– Using My …

• Pill, Supplement, Potion

• Product, Gadget, System

Reputation

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Stress Is … Healthy

Stress is …

• An Essential Part of Life

Required For …

• Maintenance & Health

Important For

‒ Growth & Stamina

Builds Healthy

• Bone

• Muscle

• Intelligence

• Character

Healthy!

Types Of Healthy Stress

Physical • Walking, Running, Jumping

• Lifting, Bending, Stretching

Mental • Analyzing, Solving, Creating

• Strategizing, Planning, Organizing

• Exploring, Remembering, Imagining

Emotional • Feeling, Describing, Understanding

• Empathizing, Connecting, Retaining

• Expressing, Channeling, Resolving

Benefits Of Healthy Stress

Physical • Muscles, Bones, Organs

• Mood, Energy, Stamina

• Mental Clarity, Emotional Release

Mental • Quickness, Learning, Retention

• Capacity, Knowledge, Discernment

• Understanding, Eloquence, Influence

Emotional • Stability, Resilience, Effectiveness

• Empathy, Understanding, Acceptance

• Maturity, Depth, Connection

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Adequate Recovery

Regular Deep Sleep

Frequent Rest / Relaxation

Periodic Recreation

Regular Exercise

Enjoyable Social Interaction

Daily Solitude

Home Base / Sanctuary

Healing From Trauma

Healthy Stress

Requires One Thing

If You’re Coming to Work Tired,

Sick or Diminished In any Way

You Are Not Doing Your Job

Playing Hurt

Is Being Irresponsible

Stress / Recovery Balance

Old Performance Level

New Performance Level

Increasing Ability

Increasing Stamina

Increasing Awareness

Increasing Enjoyment

Sustainable / No Limits

Stress

EXAMINING STRESS

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Then What’s The Problem?

Too Little Stress Atrophy

Too Much Stress Damage

Inadequate Recovery Disease

• Physical

• Mental

• Emotional

Stress / Recovery

Stress

Recovery

Adequate

Insufficient

Time Energy $’s

• Doing You No Good

• Producing No Results

• Draining You

• Creating Illness

Two Avenues

1. Increase & Improve Recovery

Methods

2. Reduce The Amount of

Unnecessary Stress We

Tolerate & Create

Sources of Stress

External Sources

‒ What Happens Out of Our Control

‒ What Happens By Our Neglect

Internal Sources

– Problem Avoidance

– Insufficient Resolution

– Artificial Magnification

– Outright Fabrication

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Stressors Out of Our Control

Environmental

– Seasons / Tides / Weather

– Hurricanes / Floods / Drought

– Red Lights / Accidents / Traffic

– Economy / Government

What People …

– Think

– Feel

– Say

– Do

Opinions

Moods

Judgments

Criticisms

Manipulations

Attacks

Gossip / Slander

Complaints

… etc.

Stressors By Our Neglect

Mistakes

Misunderstandings

Miscommunication

Missed Deadlines

Tension / Friction

Speculation / Suspicion

Mistrust

Resentment

Grudges

Terminations / Resignations

What We Neglect

What We Neglect

‒ Relationships

‒ Systems

‒ Processes

‒ Agreements

What It Costs Us

‒ Productivity

‒ Innovation

‒ Enthusiasm

‒ Trust

All It Takes is Maintenance

– Attention

– Cooperation

– Consistency

– Appreciation

– Encouragement

– Acknowledgment

– …

Stressors We Avoid

Conflict

Confrontation

Difficult Issues

Unpleasant Feelings

Unwelcomed Truth

Incompetence…

Embarrassment

Blame

Opinions

Appearances

Rejection

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All Coping Is Avoiding

A Short List

Prescription Drugs

Alcohol, Caffeine, Energy Drinks,

Food, Smoking

Worry, Regret, Guilt, Shame

Forecasting, Rehashing, Speculating

Gossiping, Criticizing, Complaining

Excuses, Blaming, Rationalizing

Shopping, Collecting, Acquiring, Hoarding

Busyness, Controlling, Helping

Belittling, Sympathizing, Advising

Pleasing, Pretending, Niceness

Intimidating, Interrogating,

Convincing, Coercing, Manipulating

Playing Dumb, Fragile, or Incapable,

Being a Know-It-All, Hero, or Savior

Agreeing to Disagree

Insufficient Resolution

Failure to bring Issue into full view and

completion to the satisfaction of

everyone involved

– Compromise

– Agree to Disagree

– Arguing

– Sniping

– Silent Treatment

– Elephant In The Room

– … Avoidance

Magnification & Fabrication

Stressor

Initial

Response

Involuntary (seconds)

Choice (hours - weeks)

No Control

Thoughts

Pain Suffering

Thought

Prolonged

Escalating

Response

Reducing Pain

Pain is a part of life

Suffering is optional

Pain tells us something is wrong

and needs our attention. Relieving

the pain without addressing the

issue leads to and prolongs

suffering:

• Fatigue,

• Poor Performance,

• Illness

• Disease.

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Stress

TRANSFORMING STRESS

Change Is . . . Then what’s so Hard?

Easy

Forcing

Resisting

Change Becomes EASY

When We’re In The Flow

RESISTING & FORCING

Are: Automatic & Normal

Complete Wastes of Energy

Creating & Prolonging

Resisting Behaviors

– Avoiding

– Coping

– Judging

– Defensiveness

– Worry

– Suspicion

Forcing Behaviors

– Motivating

– Punishing

– Forecasting

– Predicting

– Driving

Situations

“Bad” Situations …

– Become bad because of

something you don’t see …

They Stay “Bad” Because of :

… Your unwillingness to LOOK

and

… Your unwillingness to ACT

Situations Improve …

– When you raise your

– And you do something different

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B

E

L

I

E

F

S

Unexamined Beliefs

Examined / No-longer want

Examined Keep

New

Old Belief

New Belief

Normal Wisdom

“Practice Makes ….”

“People In Glass Houses …”

Tortoise & Hare … Moral?

Perfect Permanent

Slow & Steady Wins the Race Confidence vs Arrogance

Shouldn’t Throw Stones Isn’t Throwing Stones Always Bad Idea ???

“Don’t Throw Stones”

Only V

What if … you’re trapped in a glass house Should Throw Stones

Life get easier as we give

up the habits of

resisting the changes

we fear and forcing the

changes we desire.

W

O

R

L

D

Y

o

u

B

E

L

I

E

F

S

Thoughts

The Game

Feedback

Words

Actions

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W

O

R

L

D

Y

o

u

B

E

L

I

E

F

S

Thoughts

Feedback

Words

Actions

Extent to which your external

environment is congruent

with internal beliefs

Seeing yourself as the

source of your experiences

How you create

everything

W

O

R

L

D

Y

o

u

B

E

L

I

E

F

S

Thoughts

Feedback

Words

Actions

Eradicate Stress

by

Demonstrating Integrity

Being Responsible and Practicing

Open, Honest, Communication

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Normal Life

We Feel Out of Integrity …

and We Ignore It.

We Know It’s Our Responsibility …

and We Abdicate It.

There’s Something To Communicate …

and We Withhold It.

Failure & Success

Failure –A few simple errors in judgment

practiced every day

Success

–A few simple disciplines practiced

every day

~ Jim Rohn

Integrity

INTEGRITY

Integrity

External Internal BELIEFS

ENVIRONMENT

Environment?

Old Belief?

New Belief?

What needs to change ?

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Integrity

Actions That Damage

Compromise

Behaving Poorly

Tolerating Poor Behavior

Unclear Agreements

Being Judgmental

Giving Advice

Integrity

Actions That Build

Vision / Values

Mutuality

Agreements

Walking Your Talk

Extent to which your external

environment is congruent with

internal beliefs

Guidance

Purpose – Who You Are

Vision – The Game You Wish to Play

Mission – How You Wish To Play It

Values – Governing Principles

Values

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Abundance

Acceptance

Accessibility

Accomplishment

Accountability

Accuracy

Achievement

Acknowledgement

Activeness

Adaptability

Adroitness

Advancement

Adventure

Affection

Affluence

Aggressiveness

Agility

Alertness

Altruism

Amazement

Ambition

Amusement

Anticipation

Appreciation

Approachability

Approval

Art

Articulacy

Artistry

Assertiveness

Assurance

Attentiveness

Attractiveness

Audacity

Availability

Awareness

Awe

Balance

Beauty

Being the best

Belonging

Benevolence

Bliss

Boldness

Bravery

Brilliance

Buoyancy

Calmness

Camaraderie

Candor

Capability

Care

Carefulness

Celebrity

Certainty

Challenge

Change

Charity

Charm

Chastity

Cheerfulness

Clarity

Cleanliness

Clear-mindedness

Cleverness

Closeness

Comfort

Commitment

Community

Compassion

Competence

Competition

Completion

Composure

Concentration

Confidence

Conformity

Congruency

Connection

Consciousness

Conservation

Consistency

Contentment

Continuity

Contribution

Control

Conviction

Conviviality

Coolness

Cooperation

Cordiality

Correctness

Country

Courage

Courtesy

Craftiness

Creativity

Credibility

Cunning

Curiosity

Daring

Decisiveness

Decorum

Delight

Dependability

Depth

Desire

Determination

Devotion

Devoutness

Dexterity

Dignity

Diligence

Direction

Directness

Discipline

Discovery

Discretion

Diversity

Dominance

Dreaming

Drive

Duty

Dynamism

Eagerness

Ease

Economy

Ecstasy

Education

Effectiveness

Efficiency

Elation

Elegance

Empathy

Encouragement

Endurance

Energy

Enjoyment

Entertainment

Enthusiasm

Environmentalism

Ethics

Euphoria

Excellence

Excitement

Exhilaration

Expectancy

Expediency

Experience

Expertise

Exploration

Expressiveness

Extravagance

Extroversion

Exuberance

Fairness

Faith

Fame

Family

Fascination

Fashion

Fearlessness

Ferocity

Fidelity

Fierceness

Financial

independence

Firmness

Fitness

Flexibility

Flow

Fluency

Focus

Fortitude

Frankness

Freedom

Friendliness

Friendship

Frugality

Fun

Gallantry

Generosity

Gentility

Giving

Grace

Gratitude

Gregariousness

Growth

Guidance

Happiness

Harmony

Health

Heart

Helpfulness

Heroism

Holiness

Honesty

Honor

Hopefulness

Hospitality

Humility

Humor

Hygiene

Imagination

Impact

Impartiality

Independence

Individuality

Industry

Influence

Ingenuity

Inquisitiveness

Insightfulness

Inspiration

Integrity

Intellect

Intelligence

Intensity

Intimacy

Introspection

Introversion

Intuition

Intuitiveness

Inventiveness

Investing

Involvement

Joy

Judiciousness

Justice

Keenness

Kindness

Knowledge

Leadership

Learning

Liberation

Liberty

Lightness

Liveliness

Logic

Longevity

Love

Loyalty

Majesty

Making a difference

Marriage

Mastery

Maturity

Meaning

Meekness

Mellowness

Meticulousness

Mindfulness

Modesty

Motivation

Mysteriousness

Nature

Neatness

Nerve

Nonconformity

Obedience

Open-mindedness

Openness

Optimism

Order

Organization

Originality

Outdoors

Outlandishness

Outrageousness

Partnership

Patience

Passion

Peace

Perceptiveness

Perfection

Perkiness

Perseverance

Persistence

Persuasiveness

Philanthropy

Piety

Playfulness

Pleasantness

Pleasure

Poise

Polish

Popularity

Potency

Power

Practicality

Pragmatism

Precision

Preparedness

Presence

Pride

Privacy

Proactivity

Professionalism

Prosperity

Prudence

Punctuality

Purity

Rationality

Realism

Reason

Reasonableness

Recognition

Recreation

Refinement

Reflection

Relaxation

Reliability

Relief

Religiousness

Reputation

Resilience

Resolution

Resolve

Resourcefulness

Respect

Responsibility

Rest

Restraint

Reverence

Richness

Rigor

Sacredness

Sacrifice

Saintliness

Sanguinity

Satisfaction

Science

Security

Self-control

Selflessness

Self-reliance

Self-respect

Sensitivity

Sensuality

Serenity

Service

Sexiness

Sexuality

Sharing

Shrewdness

Significance

Silence

Silliness

Simplicity

Sincerity

Skillfulness

Solidarity

Solitude

Sophistication

Soundness

Speed

Spirit

Spirituality

Spontaneity

Spunk

Stability

Status

Stealth

Stillness

Strength

Structure

Success

Support

Supremacy

Surprise

Sympathy

Synergy

Teaching

Teamwork

Temperance

Thankfulness

Thoroughness

Thoughtfulness

Thrift

Tidiness

Timeliness

Traditionalism

Tranquility

Transcendence

Trust

Trustworthiness

Truth

Understanding

Unflappability

Uniqueness

Unity

Usefulness

Utility

Valor

Variety

Victory

Vigor

Virtue

Vision

Vitality

Vivacity

Volunteering

Warm-heartedness

Warmth

Watchfulness

Wealth

Willfulness

Willingness

Winning

Wisdom

Wittiness

Wonder

Worthiness

Youthfulness

Zeal

Mutuality

100:100 – Vs. 50/50

Partnership – Vs. Division of Labor

Responsible – Helpful

Aligned - All Win – Vs. Compromise

Empathetic – Vs. Compassionate

Committed – Vs. Tolerant

Truth – Vs. Polite

Open – Vs. Defensive

Mutuality

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Agreements

1. Specific Conditions of

Satisfaction

– Size

– Color

– Quantity

– Quality

2. Specific By-When

– Date / Time

For Everything

Walking Your Talk

Living Your Vision & Values

Abiding By Agreements

Practicing Exactly What You

Are Asking Everyone Else

To Practice

Follow Your Own Requirements

Stress

RESPONSIBILITY

CHANGE

Who do you know who needs to

change?

The Hard Truth :

The Only Person You Can

Change is Yourself

The Good News:

When You Make Changes In

Yourself: Business, Stress Level

and Others WILL Change

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You Are The Reason …

What You’ve …

Created

Allowed to Be Created

Refused To Allow

Whatever’s Lacking Is An Invitation

To Learn

To Grow

To Teach

Your Business Is where it is!

Your business is as great as you

have been and will be as great as

you are willing to become

Transforming Yourself

Anything you want to change about

yourself

N5

Responsibility

Actions That Avoid

Blame

Excuses

Motivating

Punishing

Caretaking

Defending

Deflecting

Two Mindsets

Reactive

– Motivated by Pain

– Only Relieves Angst

– Problems Remain

Creative

– Motivated by Possibility

– Innovative Solutions

– Problems Disappear

Change Is a Part of Life

Same Effort - Different Results

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Pain – Urgent

– Normal

– Expensive

Possibility – Vision

– Enjoyment

– Self Expression

Motivation Two Primary Forms

M

A

A

M

I

S

V

A B

Motivation

C V

A I

A

Inspiration

R

Motivation vs. Inspiration

A Comparison

Tolerating

In Your Business?

In Your Relationships?

In Your Life?

Tolerating is Passive Agreement

and Encouragement to Continue

What Are You Tolerating?

Look No Further for Why You’re

Tired

Frustrated

Overworked Burned Out

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Consequences

Vs. Punishment

Stress

COMMUNICATION

Stress

What We Can’t Express

Runs Our Life

~ Anonymous

Communication

Communication is not about ...

– Quantity

or

– Frequency

Communication is about …

– Quality

And

– Completion

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Communication

That Erodes Trust

Incomplete

Indirect

Manipulative

Disrespectful

Demeaning

Judgmental

Violent

Indirect Communication

Common Forms

Complaining

Sarcasm

Withdrawal

Performance Changes

Gossip

Tardiness / Absence

Facial Expressions

Moodiness

To The Appropriate Person

In The Moment

Responsibly

Respectfully

Powerfully

Consistently

Persistently

Direct Communication

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“Our ultimate freedom is

the right and power to

decide how anybody or

anything outside ourselves

will affect us..”

~ Stephen R. Covey

Transform Communication

Be Direct

Say What You Mean

Ask For What You Want

Stick To The Facts

Always Be Respectful

Listen

Communication That

Diminishes Trust

Moralistic Judgments

Making Comparisons

Denial of Responsibility

Making Demands

Examples

Moralistic Judgments Violence is bad

People who kill others are evil

Making Comparisons

Satisfies a sincere desire to make yourself miserable

Denial of Responsibility

I cleaned the exam room because I had to

I have to suspend you because it’s policy

I drink because I’m an alcoholic

Making Demands

Any statement that attempts to get someone to do

something through coercion, (to please, to gain

reward, to avoid punishment).

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Communication Model

Getting More Of What You Want

1.Observation Without Evaluation

2.Feelings Identifying & Expressing

3.Needs Taking Responsibility For Our Feelings

4.Request That Which Would Enrich Life

Expressing Honestly – Receiving Empathically

Stress

SUMMARY