To keep your marriage brimming with love in the

loving cup; whenever you’re wrong – admit it,

whenever you're right – shut up.

Ogden Nash

Journal Write-Up

What is the difference between a

wedding and marriage?

Marriage Wedding

Definition

Marriage is the

social contract and

institution under

which a couple live

together or are

legally committed to

each other (usually

monogamously) for

the rest of their

lives.

A wedding is the

act, ceremony or

event of getting

married.

Duration

Lifelong or until

dissolved by divorce

or death of spouse.

Usually a few hours.

What makes a marriage work?

The wedding is the exciting part!

Celebration with friends, family, and your

significant other

Food, music, drinks, etc.

Once the excitement of being newlyweds

fades… what keeps a couple together?

In the 1950s Home Economic Textbooks:Guidelines to prepare for and have a strong marriage:

Have dinner ready when the husband arrives home from work.

Prepare yourself by taking 15 minute to rest and touch up your hair and make up prior to husband’s arrival, so you look refreshed.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the house to make sure it looks neat and tidy, so your husband will feel like he has reached a haven of rest.

Prepare the children, make sure they look like little treasures. Minimize the noise, eliminate all the noise from washer, etc. Encourage children to be quiet.

Make your husband comfortable in his favorite chair with pillows, newspaper, and other hobbies.

Make the evening his.

Do not greet him with problems or complaints.

Write, Pair, Share

With your groups, make a list of 10 things that would be needed in a relationship in order to make a marriage work in today’s society.

Now choose your top 3 to share with the class.

What are your feelings about MARRIAGE?

Are you idealistic about marriage?

What do you expect in a marriage partner?

What anxieties or fears do you have about

marriage?

Are you optimistic or pessimistic about being

able to sustain a marriage relationship?

Where do your views on marriage come from?

What factors can affect your marriage

chances of success BEFORE marriage?

Before

Parents’ Marriage Your parent’s marriage (good or bad) can often

influence your marriage because it causes you to form ideas about what a marriage should and should not look like

Childhood Upbringing

Length of Acquaintance If you “rush in” the likelihood of a strong marriage is

less likely – love develops over time

What factors can affect your marriage

chances of success BEFORE marriage?

Before

Age While marriage at any age can be successful, studies

show that people who marry in their late twenties and early thirties have the lowest rates of divorce

Parental Approval Having parents that disapprove of your marriage

and/or partner tend to put a lot of strain on marriages

Premarital Pregnancy Pregnancy can often make people “rush in” to a

marriage because they feel it is the “right” thing to do

Horton Hatches The Egg

Horton Hatches

The Egg

Why would I show

you this?

How does this

relate to

marriage?

Horton and the

Egg

The Bird

Commitment:

What does commitment mean?

The state of being dedicated to an activity or cause.

Commitment means you’ve promised to stay and work it

through, not just today but forever.

Expectations:

What expectations are appropriate for

the marriage relationship?

Does everyone bring into marriage a

fantasized belief that all needs will be

taken care of?

Do these fantasized beliefs put too

much pressure onto the spouse?

Do couples fall into proper roles that

create marital success?

What factors can affect your marriage

chances of success AFTER marriage?

After:

Commitment BOTH partners need to be committed to the success

and stability of the relationship at ALL times

Attitudes/Expectations Are they the same or different?

In-laws A partner who does not get along with his/her in-laws

puts a marriage at increased risk of marital problems

Common Interests Need some common ground!

What factors can affect your marriage

chances of success AFTER marriage?

After:

Children Do you have them or not? If so, what are your beliefs

on how to raise children? If partners do not agree on one or both of these questions there is increased marital conflict

Communication

Roles Who takes which roles within the household and are

they fair and equal?

Personality

Religious Participation

Happy Marriages (see handout and/or posters around the room)

Marriage is priority

Fidelity or faithfulness

Commitment

Unselfishness

Putting time into the relationship.

Talking and listening

Touching

Being positive about your marriage

Satisfying Marriages

Trust

Commitment

Caring

Mutuality

Effort

Realistic

Expectations

Flexibility

Shared decision

making

Humor

Staying individuals

Secrets of Happy Couples

Sex: Monogamous relationship

Money: Strive to live within your means

and be good money managers.

Love: Love unconditionally

Work: Division of labor is equal and each

spouse supports the other spouse’s

employment.

John Gottman, The Seven Principles

of Making Marriage Work.

Stay in Touch

Show appreciation

Show kindness

Give the gift of understanding.

Learn your spouse’s love language.

Make time for fun.

Balance being a parent with being a

partner.

What makes it difficult to sustain a

marriage in the current world?

How do TV shows, movies, and media

influence our ability to understand what it

takes to make a marriage work?