The Wizard of Oz:

A Musical Comedy A DramaticComposition

in Three Acts

By L. Frank Baum

-:- "THE WIZARD OF OZ" -:- -:-ACT I,-:-At the rise of the curtain farm handsdiscovered. House servants are busyperforming their various duties. One manon a wheat rack, Servants cleaning pans,etc in front of the house. Several girlsenter carrying apples. They pelt the manon the wheat stack. Farm wagon withhorse enters. Suddenly old man readingpaper, rises and points to theapproaching cyclone. Connection on partof everyone. They all excitedly andfrantically rush off stage. The cycloneeffect is worked upon the gauze. Thescene then changes. When the lights goup Chorus discovered all dressed in blueand posed about a Maypole. A Maypoledance follows. Then the entrance of theWicked Witch. She drives them about thestage until someone calls her attention tothe approaching cyclone. All rush aboutwildly. Lights gradually go out. Whenthey go up again, a house similar to thefarmhouse of the Kansas Scene isdiscovered E.It is in a dilapidated condition.

-:- ACT I -:-SCENE I:- Descriptive Tableau, showingKansas Prairie Farm, the cyclone, ascentof the house with Dorothy, andtransformation to

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SCENE II:- The munchkin country - Landof Oz followed by the descent of thehouse crushing of the wicked witch, etc.DISCOVERED: Chorus of Munchkins.1st GirlHere's a catastrophe!

2nd GirlWhat a dreadful storm.

3rd GirlNever in the land of Oz has there beenone like it.

4th GirlI wonder from what unknown country thestorm blew this house.

5thSuch a strange dwelling - so differentfrom ours.

6th GirlThe same storm that brought this shousehas blown half of our home away.

(Noise off stage, shouts, cries, etc. Voiceoff stage. Reuben's)ReubenBring her along.

8th GirlWhat's that?

9th GirlSomebody under arrest. A strangelooking girl.

1st GirlA witch, perhaps.

2nd GirlThe storm may have been her work.

(Enter Reuben and Simon with Cynthia.R. #3. Cynthia suggests madness in her

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costume and make-up.)ReubenHere's an enchantress. Do any of youknow her?

AllNo!

Girl(To Cynthia)Who are you, and where do you comefrom?

CynthiaMy name is Cynthia, and I am a ladylunatic.

(All recoil from her)2nd GirlDoes the asylum know you are out?

CynthiaFear nothing. I am not dangerous.

GirlYour reason?

CynthiaI've lost my reason.

1st GirlShe's a sorceress. To the river with her.

CynthiaThat's no way to treat a perfect ladylunatic.

2nd GirlIf you sink we'll believe you.

CynthiaBut I will not sink. I've been takingswimming lessons from a banker.

1st GirlSwimming lessons from a banker?

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CynthiaYes he told taught me how to float a loan.

1st GirlTo the river.

(They advance to her. Witch of the Northenters and halts them)Witch(Locusta)Halt! What would you do with this girl?

1st GirlShe's a sorceress, and her spells producedthe recent cyclone.

WitchThen you should thank her on yourknees. The storm has made you free.

AllFree?

WitchIt dropped that house upon your crueltyrant, the Wicked Witch. Her cruel spellsand wicked enchantments have causedyou endless misery. She hated love andhappiness, and while she lived would notpermit you to know them.(To Cynthia)If you are a member of the Sorceress'Union show your card.

CynthiaI haven't one. I have never sorcered. I amonly a sweet girl maniac. Listen, and Iwill tell you my story.(Crowd gather around her)I was once a saleslady in one of ourlargest department stores.

1st GirlAh, yes, I have seen your open face at an

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opening sale of umbrellas that wouldn'topen.

CynthiaNo, I was at the alligator counter in theanimal department. I was engaged to ayoung musician named Niccolo Chopperwho played the piccolo.

1st GirlPoor girl!

CynthiaHe was so generous. As soon as ourwedding day was fixed he gave me myalimony in advance.

6th GirlWhere is he now?

CynthiaThe Wicked Witch enchanted him. Henever returned.

2nd GirlHow do you hope to find him?

CynthiaBy whistling his favorite tune. No matterwhat the witch may have made of him, ifhe hears the tune he will answer.

1st GirlDid he play it often?

CynthiaFor hours at a time. You can't imaginehow he objected to a change of air.

1st GirlYou doubtless learned to love it?

CynthiaTrue. And on moonlight nights he wouldalways play it in the vegetable gardenback of my semi-Queen Anne suburbanboarding house.

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Witch of the North exits.

NICCOLO'S PICCOLONot with the twinkling luteSought he to press his suitNor with the sighing fluteCame he zum-zummingNor on, the gay guitarUnder the twilight star,Could he be heard afarSoftly a strumming.

ChorusBut, on the piercing piccolo, my highly-gifted NiccoloCould charm with much celerity, amelody divine.Defying fell malaria, He'd execute hisariaWith marvelous dexterity, each night athalf past nine.(Whistling chorus)II.Not with a slide trombone, were his softpleadings blownLacking were they in tune, blatant andblaringNor with the violin, sought he, my heartto winPlaying that garden in, his love declaring.Chorus same as 1st verse.

Cynthia and Chorus, all exeunt at end ofwhistling refrain. [HANDWRITTEN:Using Piccolos]Enter Witch of the North and Girl, L.2.WitchPointing to a house, R.2.Where did you say this house came from?

3d GirlFrom the skies, your highness.

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WitchA strange abode from some unknownland.

Sir Dashemoff Daily, enters hurriedly,L.3.Dash.News! Wonderful news!

3d GirlOf whom?

Crowd enters R.3.Dash.Pastoria, the rightful king of Oz, hasreturned on the wings of the wind.

3d GirlAre you sure of that, Sir Dashemoff?

Dash.The cyclone blew Pastoria home again.Aided by General Riskitt he has started arevolution already.

3d GirlWhere's Pastoria going to find the moneyfor his revolution?

Dash.He's selling reserved seats for his owncoronation.

1st GirlHow came King Pastoria to leave theland of Oz?

WitchOne day, years ago, a balloon brought tothe Emerald City a mysterious man froma mysterious place they call the earth.

1st GirlI've read about it in our children's books.

WitchThe stranger lured Pastoria into the

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balloon and cut the ropes. It bore Pastoriathrough the clouds. The strangerremained and, because of his mystic arts,was crowned King of Oz.

(Exit Witch)Dash.If Pastoria gets his throne away from theWizard of Oz, it will be hard luck for me.I'll have to grind out a new royal anthem.

(Cheers off stage R.)1st GirlPastoria approaches.

(Crowd retire up stage. Enter TIMOTHY,followed by RISKITT, L.3.E.)RiskittHalt! His Majesty would address thearmy.

(Pastoria enters in motorman's coat andhat. He carries in one hand a largesceptre and a shawl strap. In the other agilded hat box with crown inside.)Pastoria(C.)My faithful soldiers. As I gaze upon yourfaces it gives me great pleasure to knowthat you all may die for me.(Timothy cheers.)Men with faces like yours ought to diefor somebody. - and I'm as good anexcuse as you'll ever get.(Timothy cheers.)When you face the enemy, chanting yourbattle hymn, -- where's that battle hymn?

Dash.All ready, sire.(Hands him paper.)

Pastoria

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This ought to make heroes of you all.(Chanting.)"When we were children we cried forPastoria, -When we were young we sighed forPastoria, -When we grew up we died for Pastoria. -Oria, oria, peerless Pastoria."(Aside)When we were children we cried forPastoria! Now, wouldn't that wilt thefeathers on Maud's new boa!(To Soldiers.)You shall restore me to my rights. As forthe cheap swindler who has stolen mythrone - The Wizard of Oz, --

RiskittWhere will you find a greater scoundrel,a more contemptible being, than thatWizard of Oz?

PastoriaHear! Hear!(A pause.)No, - no! I mean, where?(Crowd snickers, quietly.)As for your pay, have no fear. As weapproach the capitol I will dispose ofreserved seats for my coronation atspeculator's rates.

RiskittS-sh --! A customer approaches.

(Pastoria and Riskitt quickly produce boxoffice diagrams and bunches of ticketsfrom their pockets as SOPHRONIA andPETER enter R.1.E. they rush upon themin the manner of ticket speculators.)

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RiskittTickets for Pastoria's coronation?

(Use sign, "Tickets bought fromspeculators,etc".)PastoriaTwo on the center aisle, four rows fromthe front.

SimonHe's a speculator.

AllDown with him.

(All rush at Pastoria.)(Enter CYNTHIA, R.3. Come downthrough crowd, C.)CynthiaWait. He may be my long-lost Niccolo.

PastoriaI'm nobody but the King. For years Iruled the Land of Oz and was the bestdressed little king that ever tied a four inhand. The people loved me then, andcalled me their Tony Pastoria.

CynthiaI pray thee, play upon this piccolo.(Offering piccolo to Pastoria.)The wicked witch may have changed mysweetheart into you; How perfectlyawful!(Shudders.)

PastoriaI'm not your sweetheart.

CynthiaThen prove it by playing "The Carnivalof Venice" with variations.(Offers piccolo)There was a bum note in the crescendo

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that Niccolo could never avoid.(Retires up stage.)

PastoriaThe idea! Open that box.(Points to hat box. Riskitt opens it.)What's the name in the crown of thatcrown?

Riskitt(Looking in crown.)Pastoria II.(Hands it to Pastoria)

PastoriaIt was on my head when that confoundedballoon carried me away. It fitted methen, and it fits me now.

(Puts it on his head triumphantly.Movement of surprise in crowd.)CynthiaWhat's the meaning of that queercostume?

PastoriaWhen the cyclone picked me up I wasworking as a motorman in Kansas.

CynthiaWhat's a motorman?

PastoriaWell, a motorman is a fellow that takeslife easy. He's a regular lady killer, and asort of business agent for theUndertakers' Union. When I reached theearth I had to do something for a living.

CynthiaYour Majesty had to work? Terrible!

PastoriaYes. Your Majesty had to eat. I grew sodesperate I decided to stop at nothing, so

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I became a motorman. It's a merry life,and all day long the jingling of the bells.A fellow- motorman tried to get me to gowith him to Michigan and motor there.

CynthiaWhy?

PastoriaHe said the girls were more sociable. Heused to sing a beautiful song about one ofthem.

CynthiaWas it soulful?

PastoriaWell, you can judge for yourself.

-- "IN MICHIGAN" --Pastoria and Chorus.I'm fond of the girls from Tennessee,For they are extremely coy,But there's another girl for me, she's thegirl from Illinois.With the damsel fair from gay DelawareI'd giddily coquette.But the girl for me beyond compare, inold Michigan is met.

Cho.In Michigan, In Michigan, I would that Iwere rich again.A ticket I'd buy, and away I'd flyTo the far-off fields of Michigan.In Michigan, In Michigan, my tent I'dlike to pitch again.I've a sweetheart true in KalamazooAnd that's what I've got in Michigan.II.The Georgia girl is a perfect peach,The Maine girl takes the bunOf the Oregon girl I love to preachFor she second stands to none.Oh the Texas girl is a downright pearl,

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And a dainty dream besides,But the girl that can give them all a twirl,In old Michigan resides.

Cho.I've a sweetheart true in Kalamazoo,I've a mother-in-law in Saginaw, etc.

(and exit Chorus R. and L.)CynthiaYou are not like my Niccolo, and yetseem to be he. If I could see you makelove to someone else -- my Niccolowould never do that in my presence.

Tryxie(Outside L.2)Pasty! Pasty! Where are you, darling?

PastoriaYou'll have a chance, for here comes myfiancee.

CynthiaA woman!

PastoriaYes. She was a waitress in the railroadstation at Topeka. Her name is Tryxie.

CynthiaTryxie?

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PastoriaYes. We were blown out of Kansas at thesame time. When the cyclone struck townI was standing on the front platform ofmy car and had just yelled, "Hold fast fora sharp curve". As we sailed over theroofs a beautiful girl suddenly shot out ofa neighboring cloud and hit mydashboard. She was carrying a plate ofbeans. She said she was going my wayand before the cyclone dropped usthrough yonder chestnut trees we wereengaged.

Tryxie(Entering, L.2. and going to Pastoria)Darling, I hope you won't think me gross,but I wish you would take me by the handand lead me to a large porterhouse steak.

PastoriaGirl, the stake that I am fighting for is nota porterhouse. I may be slain. Then whatwould lovey do if dovey died?

TryxieWhy lovey would die too.

Pastoria(With arm about her.)Do you remember, I met you as amotorman.

TryxieI was struck by you at our first meeting.

PastoriaYou were carrying a book.

TryxieRoosevelt's Memoirs.

PastoriaI ran over them without asking you.

Tryxie

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Because you got the bell to go ahead.

PastoriaThen I went ahead to get the belle.

TryxieYou couldn't have offered me a palacethen.

PastoriaNo. About all you could expect from astreet car man is "a little room up front."

TryxieWhat were your prospects then?

PastoriaSame as the conductors' - only fare.

TryxieAnd yet you loved me then.

PastoriaI yearned for you.

TryxieAnd you love me now?

PastoriaWith all the heart a motorman is allowedto have.

TryxiePasty, you are just too awful!

PastoriaTo resume -- how much does oo loveoosey?

TryxieOO's OOsey?

PastoriaOOS.

CynthiaEnough. I am convinced. My Niccolocould never hand out such a tart line of

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wedding march conversation.

TryxieIs this a lady detective?

PastoriaNo. This is a lady lunatic.

CynthiaYes; mad through with blighted love.Now will I to the vegetable garden whereI last saw him.(Taking objects from basket on arm.)Here are young spring onions - they're forinsomnia; here's celery for remembrance,- and here are March strawberries - for --a dollar a box!"Oh, he never more will come,And I wonder where he's went.Hey nonney, hey nonney hey!"

(Exit a la Ophelia, L.I.)TryxiePoor thing -how she loved him! Niccolomust have been very handsome.

PastoriaYes. I reminded her strongly of him.

TryxieBut, she is a lunatic. That explains a lotof things.

PastoriaTryxie, you see what it is to lose a fondlover. Now suppose, suppose you were tolose me?

TryxiePastoria, you know I never was lucky.

PastoriaI know. But, what would you do?

Tryxie

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Why, someone else, I suppose.

PastoriaBut tell me, what do you think of thecountry you're to reign over as myqueen?

TryxieOh, well enough as far as I've gone. Butit was a bad time to leave Kansas.

PastoriaWhy?

TryxieBarnum's circus was billed for our townfor the 13th, and next to a Boston creampuff I love a circus.

-- "WHEN THE CIRCUS COMES TOTOWN" --Tryxie and Pastoriaand exit, L.I.E.)

(Enter DOROTHY and IMOGEN (thecow) R.2.)DorothyWell, where am I at?(Xing L. and looking around.)Surely, this isn't Kansas?(To Cow)Imogen, we are lost, and we'll never seehome again. How poor Father will missus.(Cow nods)You were the only thing to prove he ran adairy. Now he won't be able to mix upany more milk until I get back with thekey to the plaster of Paris barrel. I wishwe could run into another cyclone goingthe way we came from.(Cow weeps)

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What are you crying for?(Crying, herself.)Be brave, like me. Will somebody tell methe way back to Kansas.(Xing R. looking at house.)My! but our house is bent. Well, if thecyclone hasn't blown Carrie Barry's frontdoor right on our porch. There's her nameon the doorplate. Hello! what's this?(Takes folded paper from door. Reads it.)"To the Princess within." Here's a joke,Imogen.(Cow looks over her shouler.)Why it's a love song from a perfectstranger.

(Resumes reading.)(Enter WITCH of the North, and SIRDASHEMOFF DAILY, L.2.)Dashemoff(Pointing to Dorothy.)There she is, your Highness.

WitchWhence comes this maiden?

Dash.I know not. I only know I love her.

Dorothy(Slapping Cow's nose.)Go away, Imogen! Where are yourmanners! Keep your nose out of mycorrespondence hereafter.

WitchHer name?

(Chorus begins to enter, R. and L.)Dash.Caroline Barry. That's the name on the

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doorplate of the cottage she arrived in.

Dorothy(Still reading)How sweet.

Dash.Do you refer to my poor poem?

Dorothy(Surprised)Did you send me this, sir?

Dash.I did. And may her Highness present me?

DorothyIf her Highness pleases.

Witch(Xing to Dorothy)Little girl, this is Sir Dashemoff Daily,our Poet Laureate, And I am Locusta, theWitch of the North.

Dorothy(Recoiling)A witch?

WitchAh, don't be afraid - I'm not one of theblack cat and broomstick kind.

DorothyThen tell me - am I far from Kansas?

WitchKansas? Where is Kansas?

DorothyImogen, do you hear that? She'll ask usnext where Topeka is.

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WitchListen, ye Munchkins; this pretty strangeris under my special protection.

Dash.(To Dorothy)You are a lucky girl.

WitchIn proof of that I will bestow this magicring upon her.(Putting ring on Dorothy's finger, whohas Xed to her.)Whoever wears this ring may have twowishes gratified.

DorothyThen I wish Imogen and me back toKansas?(Pause)What's the matter? Why don't we arrive?

WitchI'm sorry, but my wishes have no powerbeyond the land in which they aregranted. They can only aid you here.

DorothyBut I want to go home. Tell me, what amI to do?

WitchYou must go to the wonderful Wizard ofOz. He alone has the power to transportyou across the burning desert. As amember of the Witches' Union I havebusiness elsewhere. When dangerthreatens, remember your ring.

(Exits L.1.)Dash.Now Mistress Barry ----

Dorothy

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I'm not Mistress Barry. I'm Dorothy Gale.

Dash.But, the name on the door?

DorothyOh, that door belongs to the cottage of anold maid who lived just below our farm.

Dash.But I've made my song to Mistress Barry,and if you are not she --

(Turns away, disconsolate.)DorothyOh, the song's not wasted. I like it verymuch. I wish I knew it. How odd -- I DOknow it. Why, it's a miracle.

Dash.No, it's the ring. Your first wish has beengranted.

DorothyWe'll see.

-- "CARRIE BARRY" --(Dorothy and Chorus, with Dashemoff.During song the Scarecrow is carried onby two farmers and set up at stile. At endof song Chorus exits R. and L.)I dare not call her Caroline, I think of heras Carrie,Her eyes like stars at twilight shine,And they have won this heart of mine.With glances none could parry.And when she smiles a smile divine,With cruelty I task her, The dainty maidknows I'm afraidTo bravely up and ask her.

ChorusAiry, fairy, Carrie Barry, will you marrymeI'm as much in love with you as a many

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can be.Night and day for you alway, I pine, andpine, and pine,Airy, fairy, Carrie Barry, say you will bemine.II.Though yet untold this love of mine,This love will never vary. I'm longing forsome little signOne spoken word, one written line.That I may hope and tarry.For truth it is that I opine, she looks uponme coldly.That's why I fear when she is nearTo turn and tell her boldly:Chorus:

DorothyIs that what you think of Carrie Barry?

Dash.That's what I think of Dorothy Gale.

DorothyI don't believe it.

Dash.I'll tell you why you must.

(Takes her hand as sound of hoofs isheard, off stage, rapidly approaching.)DorothyIt's a runaway.

Dash.No, it's General Riskitt.

(Bus. of Riskitt entering L.3. in manner ofa flying messenger.)RiskittReport to his Majesty at once.

Dash.For what service?

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RiskittHis Majesty is writing a temperancepoem and he's stuck for a rhyme toSaraparilla.

(Exits L.2.E.)Dash.(To Dorothy)That's what I get for hiring out as a PoetLaureate. Excuse me till I find the rhyme.

(Exits L.2.)DorothyAlone again. Well this is cheerful.Nothing in sight to talk to but thisScarecrow.(Xes L.)Well, as queer as he looks, I feel solonely I wish he were alive.

(COW enters and begins biting atScarecrow's legs.)ScarecrowHelp! Help!(Dorothy screams.)Good morning.(Dorothy Xes up R.)Is this your cow?

DorothyYes-es.

ScarecrowWell, if you don't want me to lose a leg,call him off.(Dorothy motions to Cow and Cow exitsR.3.)Thanks, awfully, for bringing me to life.Isn't this lovely weather for July?

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DorothyThe ring! Another wish wasted.

ScarecrowWould you mind taking this golf ball outof my ear?(Dorothy goes to Scarecrow and looks forgolf ball.)My ear is on the other side.(Dorothy removes golf ball and throws itdown on stage.)That makes me one down.

DorothyYou seem well posted.

ScarecrowIf I wasn't well posted I couldn't stand up.

DorothyI mean, you know what's in fashion.

ScarecrowFor a long time I've been just behind thestile.

(Points to stile.)DorothyDon't you think you're smart!

ScarecrowI don't think at all. I haven't any brains.

DorothyNo brains?

Scarecrow(Tapping head)There is nothing there but a handful ofexcelsior covered with a dishrag. Whenthe farmer was filling me with strawyesterday he said, "I guess I'll shakehim". When I saw the size of his hand Iknew it was on me. Then he jabbed this

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pole into my back and said, "You'restuck". That put me up in the air, whereI've been for the last twenty-four hours.

DorothyBut you're alive now, and how are yougoing to earn your living without brains?

ScarecrowI won't be lonely. Will you help medown?

DorothyCertainly.

ScarecrowI'm getting a bad pain in my polarregions, from lack of exercise.

Dorothy(Helps him down from post. Bus.)Can't you walk?

ScarecrowNo. But I'll take steps to learn.

(Walks awkwardly.)DorothyOh, - but you're a loose character. What'syou name?

ScarecrowHaven't any.

DorothyNo name? But, you've a family of somesort, haven't you?

(COW enters.)ScarecrowJudging from what I'm stuffed with I amrelated to Secretary Hay.(Bus. with Cow.)How about yourself? Who are you? -where did you drop from? Where are you

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going, and why do you go there? Tell meall about it, while I see which way thewind blows.

(Bus. with straws.)DorothyMy name is Dorothy, and I am one of theKansas Gales.

ScarecrowThat accounts for your breezy manner.

DorothyWhen I am at home I live in Kansas. Justnow I am lost, and I am going to theEmerald City to ask the wonderfulWizard of Oz to help me.

ScarecrowWhat, to get back to Kansas? Dottie, whytrifle with your luck?

DorothyBehave. You are old enough to knowbetter.

ScarecrowNo, I'm not! I was just born, and it will bethree hundred and sixty-four days beforeI have a birthday.

(Cows begins to nibble at Scarecrow'slegs.)DorothyHow long do you think you'll live?

ScarecrowIf I can escape that cow of yours, untilI'm used to stuff a summer boarder'smattress. Do you think the Wizard wouldhave a set of brains knocking around hisplace that would fit me?

DorothyHe might.

Scarecrow

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If I thought he could fix me up I'd go withyou.

DorothyCome along. Even if he is out of yoursize you'll be no worse off than you arenow.

(Both start to go L.)ScarecrowWe're a nice looking couple. Supposewe're arrested for vagrancy?

DorothyYou could give straw bail. Do you know,I can hardly believe that you have nobrains? How careless the farmer was toleave them out.

ScarecrowWasn't he? I wouldn't treat a dog thatway.

- SCARECROW'S SONG -Though I appear a handsome man,I'm only stuffed with straw.'Tis difficult a man to plan without asingle flaw.Though you may think my lovely headA store of law containsThe farmer lack of skill displayed andquite forgot my brains.When brains are lacking in a head, it'susually the rule,That wisdom from the man has fled andhe remains a fool.So, though my charms are very great, as Iam well assuredI'll never reach my full estate, 'till brains Ihave secured.CHORUS:A-las for the man who has little in hisnoodle that he knowsHe's under a man, and is called a rattle

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pate, wherever he goes.He always does the very thing he neverought to doHe stumbles and he fumbles and isaimless.A lobster, is he, as anyone with half aneye can see.You can beat him sneer or jeerfor his wheels are out of gearAnd it's plain he'll remain quite brainless.

(Exeunt.)-:- CHANGE TO

SCENE III:- The road through theforest.DASHEMOFF enters R.I. SIR WILEYGYLE enters L.I. They enter backwards,and collide near C.DashAre you one of us?

GyleNo. Are you?

Dash.Would you like to join a revolution?

GyleThat's my specialty. I'm Sir Wiley Gyle,at your services. Revolutions to order.Kings dethroned while you wait.

Dash.Then join our plot to put Pastoria II onthe throne again.

Gyle(Xing R.)What! has that fried oyster returned?

Dash.(Indicating proclamation.)There's the Wizard's proclamation against

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him.

Gyle(Glancing at proclamation.)Help Pastoria? Not I. I'm next in line forthat throne, my boy.

Dash.But how are you going to overthrow thewizard?

GyleEver since his balloon landed here thepeople have been in dread of his magic,and of him. He's made 'em think he hasunearthly powers. But, I'll show 'em!

(Xing L.)Dash.Going to expose him?

GyleExpose him, or blow him up.

Dash.Blow him up - what with?

Gyle(Showing a small bomb.)One of the bargain-sale bombs. - If I canever get one to work.

Dash.Anything the matter with that one?

GyleI'll bet it's no good. They had a bargainsale of infernal machines and bombs atone of our big stores last month; they'dbought out the stock of an anarchistfactory. I got a hundred bombs for fiveninety-eight, -- and not one of the darnedthings has worked yet.

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Dash.Won't they take 'em back?

GyleNo. They won't exchange bargains.(Xing R.)I'm sure this one is no good, too.

(Suddenly throws bomb on stage L. Itbounces off stage L.)Dash.(Frightened)Don't take a chance like that!

GyleEvery time I throw one of those bombs atthe wizard I get arrested for playingbaseball in the streets.

Cynthia(Enters, R.I. Xes to Gyle C.)I beg your pardon. Could you direct meto a small piece of toast?

GyleToast?

CynthiaYes, toast. I am a sweet girl maniac, andto-day it is my fancy that I am a poachedegg. If I could only find a piece of toastI'd rest myself on it.

Dash.(Aside to Gyle.)I've heard a young man named Niccolowas the cause of this.

GyleJilted her?

Dash.No. He was turned into somebody else bya witch, and she can't find him.

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Cynthia(Offering piccolo to Gyle.)Prithee, play upon this.

GyleListen, girl. Would you know yourNiccolo if you met him?

CynthiaAh, you're not he, are you?

GyleNo. But I think I can lead you to him.

CynthiaQuickly, then.

GyleIf Niccolo in his new form fails torecognize you, would you still yearn forhim?

CynthiaAye! more than ever.

GyleListen! your lost lover is here. The witchhas turned him into a wizard, - the wizardof Oz, - and he rules the Emerald City.Nobody knows it but me. The wizarddon't know it. Go to him when no one isabout, and grab and gag him. And whenyou have got him far away say to himthat Sir Wiley put you on.(Xing L.)Don't forget -- Sir Wiley.

(Exits L.2.)CynthiaYe Gods! My Nick a wizard! If he shouldfail to recognize me, and turn me into asponge cake - what would be my finish? Ipray thee, come and plead the cause ofcrime. A lady lunatic.

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(Exits.)Dash.(Looking after her.)Her reason lost because she lost her lover.Would I go mad if I should lose myDorothy? Perhaps, because I already loveher madly. I know that, for I know whatlove is.

-- "THAT IS LOVE " --DashemoffAnd exit L.I.E.)(Enter TIMOTHY, followed by RISKITTR.I.)RiskittHalt! Your precious monarch will make afinal speech before the campaign opens.

Pastoria(Enters R.I. to Timothy)Before this awful war begins I want youto understand one thing. You are thesoldiers of a free and glorious country; ifyou win victory you will be roasted. Ifyou are defeated you will be roasted also.

TimothyWe understand.

PastoriaThen you may take my final photographfor the illustrated papers.

(Poses. Riskitt points camera at him. Lionis heard roaring off stage L.I. Everybodyshows alarm.)RiskittWhat is it?

PastoriaIt sounds like dinner time in a menagerie.(Roaring sounds closer)

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(Riskitt and Timothy rush off R.I.)Come back! Come back! you cowards --come back!(Lions enters. Bus.)(Pastoria turns, sees him. Bus.frightened. Hides behind camera. Lionsees camera. Pauses.)Lie down, Bruno. Nice lion, good lion,sweet lion, dandelion, lie down.(Etc. ad lib. and Bus. Both.)(Lion sits up on haunches. Poses.)Very well then, sit up, if you prefer.(Bus.)Do you mean that you want your picturetaken?(Lion nods.)Something nice for the family album?(Lion nods.)Well, you can have an appointment nextWednesday afternoon.(Starts away. Bus. lion angry.)Or, right away, if you prefer it.(Lion resumes pose.)Now look pleasant, please.(Lion shakes head.)How am I going to make that beast lookpleasant? Shall I tell him to watch for thelittle birdie? No, I have it.(To Lion.)Look for the nice little fat boy.(Lion turns head quickly towardPastoria.)No, no! Not here. Right out there.(Bus. Lion looking into audience.)That's it. Don't move.

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(Lion slaps at mosquito on jaw.)Mosquitos, bothering you? Yes, there aremore than usual this summer. 'Round thecorner, in the next jungle there aren't any.(Bus. Lion displeased.)Now ready, again. Steady!(Bus.)That will be all, thank you. How do youlike your photos done, - plenty of gloss,or domestic finish?(Lion nods.)All right. We'll do them both ways. Youneedn't call for the proof, I'll send them.(Bus. Lion waving paw. Knocks cameraover, etc, Bus. ad lib and exit Lion R.I.Pastoria collapsed, and prostrate R.I.Riskitt enters, cautiously R. behind theleg of drop. Bus. as they discover andstartle each other.)

RiskittIs your Majesty alone?

PastoriaWhere is my army?

RiskittHe's in the top of the tallest tree, and hewon't come down.

PastoriaHave they deserted my banner so soon?

RiskittYes. Here's a notice just sent from policeheadquarters in the Emerald City.

(Hands notice to Pastoria.)Pastoria(Reading)"To our beloved police: Wanted, fortreason, a small creature with slate pencil

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legs, an eye like a halibut, and a face likea cold flaxseed poultice, calling itselfPastoria II." After that description howcan I escape?

RiskittWe'll both need disguises.

PastoriaAnd the sooner we get them the better.See to it at once.

(Exit Riskitt.)Tryxie(Enter L.I.)I am so hungry I could eat a fifty centtable d'hote and think it was food.

PastoriaAlas! that I should have chosen for aQueen one whose appetite is so stenuous.

TryxiePasty, when you invited me to becomeyour Queen did you think I lived on air?

PastoriaI saw only your face - your lovely face.

TryxieYes; but even the loveliest face has to befed.

PastoriaAnother fond delusion shattered. Now Iknow that woman is but a hollowmockery. Come, let us on to mykingdom.

(Exit Pastoria and Tryxie, L.I.)(Dorothy and Scarecrow enter R.I.)DorothyCome along, I'll help you get a position.Now, what field have you been in?

Scarecrow

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All of them. I began in the pasture lot,and was moved up to the potato patch.

DorothyDo you know beans?

ScarecrowI should say I do. A bean vine grew upmy right leg once.(Dorothy sits on ground and begins to eatcakes from basket.)What are you doing?

DorothyEating.

ScarecrowWhat do you do that for?

DorothyBecause I'm hungry. Don't you ever eat?

ScarecrowNo. I'm stuffed full now. Pretty soonyou'll be stuffed full and you won't beable to eat either.

DorothyI eat three or four times a day.

ScarecrowIs it necessary?

DorothyOf course.

ScarecrowHow I pity you. You people of flesh mustwaste a lot of time trying to keep alive.

DorothyHaven't you any taste?

ScarecrowI admire you.

Dorothy

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You're a strange creature. That farmermight have taken more pains in yourmanufacture in more ways than one.

ScarecrowYes. Think of his starting me in life withso few advantages.

(A groan heard back of drop.)DorothyWhat's that?

ScarecrowIt sounds like a carette horse passing astable at dinner time.

DorothyIt comes from behind these bushes. Dareyou look and see what it is?

ScarecrowI fear nothing, but a lighted match, or acigarette smoker. If ever I bump upagainst either of those two -- peace to myashes.(Pushes bushes aside.)I've got it.

(Brings Tin-man out.)(Tin-man stands, rigid, with fife inposition for playing.)DorothyIs that a man, or a hardware store?

ScarecrowHe's been married tin years and this is histin wedding.

DorothyDid you play, sir?

Tin-manDid I play? I've been practicing thatlovely tune for over a year.

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DorothyWhy do you stand so still?

Tin-manI'm rusted.

DorothyWhere?

Tin-manIn my joints.

DorothyMust you stay there forever?

Tin-manNot if you will help me. Get the oil canfrom behind that stump and oil me up abit and then I'll be oil right.

ScarecrowI'll rush the can.

(Gets oil can from behind out drop andbegins to oil Tin-man's joints. Bus. adlib.)Tin-manWhat a blessed relief. Accept my thanks.Nick Chopper is at last himself again.

DorothyI'm so glad we heard you. What adangerous position you were in.

Tin-manWasn't I? If a hold-up man had comealong with a can opener he might havegone through me with ease.(To Scarecrow)Here, oil my neck a little more. It doesn'tturn smoothly.

Scarecrow(Oiling Nick's neck.)Some of these tough joints ought to be

38

pulled.

Tin-man(To Dorothy)Your friend seems to be one of the lightfingered gentry. I hope he's not as bad ashe's painted.

DorothyWhat a horrid thing for you to say, afterhis helping you out of your trouble.

Tin-manI beg your pardon, Miss; it's a long timesince I've been in polite society and I'mstill a bit rusty.(To Scarecrow)Much obliged for the grease. Ah, I wasnot always made of tin. Once I was madeof flesh and blood, as you two are.

Scarecrow(Taking handful of straw from breast.)Cut me out, please.

DorothyHow did it happen.

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Tin-manA pretty Munchkin girl loved medevotedly. Often she came and held thetrees while I chopped them down, andthen gently lowered them to the ground.But the wicked witch had forbidden anylove-making in her domains, and one dayCynthia and I were caught holding hands.She enchanted my axe so that it slippedand cut off my leg. I went to the tinsmithand had a new one made. Then, one byone, I lost my arms, head, and body, butthe tinsmith replaced each missingmember. I kept on chopping wood,though, and said nothing. I was happy,notwithstanding, until I discovered that Ino longer loved Cynthia.

DorothyNo longer loved her? Why?

Tin-manThe tinsmith had forgotten to give me aheart.

ScarecrowThat probably came extra.

DorothyCome along with us to Oz, perhaps youcan get a heart.

Tin-manWho is Oz - a butcher?

DorothyNo, no! It's city, where a wonderfulwizard rules.

Tin-man(Sings, dancing to time.)"Oh, Cynthia, Cynthia, I've been thinking-What an awful thing it was -To be without a heart, but nowI'll get it from the Wizard of Oz."

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(Break and bus. Scarecrow.)

-- "WHEN YOU LOVE, LOVE,LOVE." --Trio -- Tin-man, Dorothy, and Scarecrow,and exit.)Oh! Love's the thing, that poets singTheir sweetest lays regarding.And none say nay, to love's gay swayWhich wounds when not rewarding.Naught can allure the heart so sureAs one swift dart from CupidAnd none, I know would dodge his blow,Unless exceeding stupid.For love's the thing, that poet's singTheir sweetest lays regarding,And all are gay, neath Cupid's swayAll worldly cares discarding.

ChorusWhen you love, love, love in maddelirium,When you love, love, love is quite sincereyou come.there is nothing so divine there is nothinghalf so fine,As the gladness of your madness whenyou love, love, love.

II.I've heard it said that Love is fedOn gifts of costly treasure,But it's so nice, I'm sure the price,No lover cares to measure.All other things are quite forgotWhen once your heart is capturedYou guess if you're alive or notSo madly you're enraptured.But though of love you gaily sing'Twill turn your heart quite stony,To end the whirl and find the girlIs seeking "Alimony."

- CHANGE TO -SCENE IV-

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SCENE:- The Poppy Field. The sceneshows an extensive field of poppies, 30 or40 young ladies dressed in costumesrepresenting the poppy flower. They areso arranged that they practically fill theentire stage. Stage in total darkness at thebeginning of this scene. Light effect isthrown upon the gauze drop. Graduallythe lights are raised on the stagebeginning red and gradually working upto a pale white light. All the girls standwith their heads bent forward so as tohide faces, their poppy heads aloneshowing. As they sing they sway theirbodies and pantomine with their heads.(Chorus of Poppy flowers.)

POPPY CHORUS.Should a wandering mortal lucklesslyappear in our fieldNeedlessly our sweet perfume inhalingEach sense with joy regalingWho can blame us if all our soporificpowers are revealed.While unto our sway he gives wayAnd must helplessly yield.For Death, like a breath comes to all soonor lateAnd mortals are the sport of amischevious fate.So welcome the peace that we bring tomankind.It is happiness to dream on, with care leftbehind.We are poppies in fairest splendour,blooming fragrant alway.Through the mosses and the grassesloomingFascinations rare assumingWe delight when alone, to pass themoments are playEvery petal graciously nodsOur many charms to display.

(After Chorus, DASHEMOFF enters,

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hurriedly R.I.)Dash.Oh, Dorothy! Dorothy!

DorothyHere I am. I'm so glad to meet you again.I've lost my way.

Dash.These poppy fields are pathless.

DorothyThe Tin-man punctured himself with arusty nail, and I had to send for a plumberto solder up his wound.

Dash.The Tin-man?

DorothyA new friend of mine.

Dash.I found a rhyme for "Sarsaparilla", butnow I can't find the king.

(Enter PASTORIA, TRYXIE, COW andLION at back. Pastoria is dressed as alion tamer, Tryxie as a bareback rider.Pastoria leads the Lion, Tryxie leads theCow.)Pastoria(Coming down.)S-sh! the Wizard's police are after us andwe are disguised as a one ring circus.

Dash.(To Dorothy)This is Pastoria II, the rightful king ofOz.

TryxieI am Signiorina Bouncerino, premiereequestrienne.

Pastoria

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And I am Signor Gonzabo, premier liontamer.(Striking pose with Lion.)Sit up, Bruno, Kiss your paw.(Bus. lion.)No, no! Kiss your paw to the ladies.(Bus. lion.)But come, we must not tarry here. On tothe Emerald City.(Xes R. Poppies shake their heads. Allcharacters yawn.)

Dorothy(To Dash.)Are you sleepy?

Dash.Very. It's the perfume of these flowers.

Dorothy(Yawning)Yes; they make opium of them, I've read.

(Poppies shake their heads.)PastoriaI feel like forty winks and a couple ofnaps.

(Cow lies down.)Tryxie(Yawning)Not a bad idea. I think I'll use you as asofa pillow. You're not much as amattress, but you'd make an awful hitwith me, served rare, with mashedpotatoes.

(Lies down L. with head on Cow's side.)Pastoria(Sleepily.)Bruno, kindly give me an imitation of a

44

folding bed.(Lion lies down.)Will somebody bring me my shavingwater and a poached egg some time nextweek?(Lies with head on Lion. Falls asleep.Poppies shake their heads.)

Dorothy(Drowsily)What does this mean? My head reels. Myeyes must close. The perfume stifles me.There's danger in this sleep I'm sure.(Falls asleep.)

(Dashemoff retires up stage.) (Scarecrowand Tin-man enter from platform atback.)Tin-manWhere are you, Hay?

Scarecrow(Coming down.)Did the plumber fix you up all right?

Tin-manOh, yes. I'm now a soldered, but wiserman.

ScarecrowHello! I'm wounded too.(Shows tear in leg.)Got a few pins?

Tin-manWhat for?

Scarecrow(Pointing to tear)I want to collect my rent.

(Poppies shake heads.)

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(All on stage yawn.)Tin-man(Looking around.)Asleep - all of them.

ScarecrowLet's wake them up.

Tin-manYou can't. Before I turned to tin I didn'tdare to cross these fields.(Poppies shake.)Their perfume brings an endless sleep.

ScarecrowI don't feel sleepy.

Tin-manOf course not. It's the brains that go tosleep, and you haven't got any.

ScarecrowBut we can't leave little Dottie here.

Tin-manHow can we wake her.

ScarecrowI don't know, but we must.

Tin-manSuppose we shake her?

ScarecrowNo; it isn't polite to shake a lady.

(All characters asleep snore.)Tin-manWhat will we do?

ScarecrowI think she has a ring that will bring oneof our leading witches to her aid.

Tin-man

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(Taking her hand.)Here it is.

ScarecrowBut we don't know how it works.

Tin-manWho can tell us?

Dorothy(In sleep.)Oh, Locusta!

(WITCH of the North enters L.3. comingto Dorothy.)WitchWho calls me!(Sees Dorothy)The child to whom I promised myfriendship. She and her companions inthe deadly grasp of these treacherousblossoms. Heartless and poisonousflowers, dare you defy the power of theWitch of the North(Poppies raise their heads.)Defy me, who rules the North Wind andholds the Frost King as a willing subject?for this you shall die. For this shall Icloud the sunshine, which is your breath,and chill the warmth which gives youlife.(Poppies raise heads.)Hail, winds of the frozen North! Come tomy aid! Embrace these false blossoms,and wither them with your cold caresses!King of the Fronst, you do I invoke inthis, my hour of vengeance. Hurl yourglittering atoms upon these cruel flowers--(Poppies kneel.)Congeal their sap of life, and set uponthem the icy seal of your freezing kiss,

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which kills as surely as does their owntreacherous breath. Thus shall myenemies perish! Thus shall I restore tolife these mortals who now sleep, andrescue the maiden I have sworn toprotect!

(Poppies shrink away, droop and fall tothe ground, as the snow descends and thescene change to Scene 5: Winter Scene.[HANDWRITTEN: The dimmer effect(elective) is worked on gauge, hungbehind proscenium. Lights are loweredand when out scene changes to PoppyField in Winter.]Several snow boys and girls discovered atthe back of platform. Snow Queen onhigh platform C. holding her hands outtowards the audience. Snow falls fromher hands. Characters are posed R. andL. with Dorothy in C. of stage. Whenlights have worked up to a light blue sheslowly rises, turns and sees the SnowQueen and drops on her knee.-:- Curtain -:-

-:- "THE WIZARD OF OZ" -:- -:-ACT II -:-SCENE:- House and Stage all dark. THEPHANTOM MARCH. Change to ThroneScene. CHORUS discovered, THEWIZARD OF OZ enters C.BardoAll hail to the wonderful Wizard of Oz.

(All salaam.)Wizard(to Crowd)Friends, an attempt has been made toassassinate your King. As I was about toenter the Emerald City a pistol shot wasfired and struck me in the chest. After thisI must have a protector.

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(To Bardo)Have we a good chest protector?

Sir Wiley Gyle(Pointing to Guard L.)Here's a good man.

Wizard(To Guard)This way, if you please.(Guard approaches)What is your business?

GuardTo watch.

WizardAntyhing else?

GuardTo guard.

WizardThen you are a watch-guard?

GuardI am.

WizardYou are? Good. How much?

GuardHow much what, sire?

WizardTo protect.

GuardThree dollars a week.

WizardI can get a man with whiskers for four.

GuardBut think, sire, I would protect youagainst an army. Aye, a thousand. Aye,

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ten thousand! If they came upon us Iwould run my sword through them, oneby one.

(Suiting action to word)WizardGood boy! And if it came to ashow-down I'd help you run.(Goes to throne - to crowd)Friends, I'll begin my performance withthe magic egg and handkerchief trick.

Gyle(Aside to others)Watch!

Wizard(Bus)I have here a tame egg and a fresh laidhandkerchief. Now what I propose to dois to place the egg within thehandkerchief and have it disappear, andre-appear in the mouth of some innocentspectator.

GyleBah!

WizardI wish it to be understood that I have noconfederate. And as I have noconfederate will some gentleman pleasestep forward and kindly assist me?----Anyone at all ----no matter who.(Bus)Thank you, I'll take this gentleman.(Bus)Watch me closely now, for you'll find thatmy hands are quicker than your eyes. Iplace the egg within the handkerchief---so!(Bus)

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and with a few magic passes --- is gone.Presto! Change!

(Bus)GyleIt's a fake -- fake -- fake. He's a faker!

WizardNow for the marvels of marvels - myfamous magic basket.(Bus)I have here a basket which containsnothing but gleamerin' blades which goround and round. To satisfy yourselvesyou can all step up and examine theinside of the basket.(Bus)Now, I'm pleased to know that you're allsatisfied that the basket contains nothingbut gleamerin' knives, and as I have noconfederate will some gentleman kindlystep forward and assist me? Anyone atall. You can select whoever you like.(Bus)Thank you, I'll take this gentleman.(Bus)Now he's in the basket. We immediatelyturn the basket over.(Bus)Then we secure the dangerous burningacid. Fire in the liquid.(Bus)The burning acid I pour all over thebasket.(Bus)Don't be alarmed. I'm here. Then wesecure the sword,--(Bus)The poison tipped sword, piercing the

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basket through and through(Bus)Opening the basket, he's gone.(Bus)Closing the basket, and back to itsoriginal place and opening up the basket,and out he jumps, as lively and hearty asever.

(Bus)GyleThat's nothing. I can do it. I can do it.

WizardYou can?

GyleYes, me or any other fraud.

WizardI have to laugh in my sleeve.(Ha ha's in his sleeve)(To crowd)Laugh at him.(They laugh "HA".)Again!(They laugh again "Ha.")You see, they give you the ha-ha.

Gyle(To Crowd)Can't you see that he's no wizard? Just aplain human humbug! If I prove that, andsave the country from a tyrant will youmake me king?

GuardProve it.

GyleIf he's a Wizard let him defy this bomb.

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(Throws bomb at Oz's feet. It bounces offstage - he throws a second with the sameresult)

Wizard(Smilingly)I'm a regular bomb charmer. Merely by aglance of the eye I hypnotize thedynamite.

Bardo(Seizing Gyle)What shall we do with him?

WizardThrow him out of the palace. He's notworth taking seriously.

Gyle(Waving third bomb)Some day one of these will work.

WizardThat's more than you'll do.(Two guards remove Gyle C.)Now, Bardo, the royal entertainmentbeing over you may pass the royal hat.(Crowd starts)Here, come back. Don't run away.(Bus. Bardo passing hat. Crowd does notrespond with contributions. Bardoreturns)What's the matter, Bardo?

BardoThey're very sorry, but they won't haveanything to spare till pay-day.

"PAY-DAY" SONG.(Oz and full chorus)(Chorus exits on the refrain. Bardo exits)

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(Oz Xes R. and sits on throne chair)Cynthia(Enters C.)Ah, there sits my Niccolo, brooding overhis love for me. Beneath that awful maskbeats the heart of my own true lover.(Coming down C.)Good morrow, most noble king!

WizardGood morning, Carrie.

CynthiaWill you come rowing me with in mygarden?

WizardRown' in the garden? I'll have todisappoint you; I'm just going out for awalk on the lake.

Cynthia'Tis a deep sea garden the soft shell crabsare all in bloom, and as we row we'lldredge for oyster plants. And we'll buildus a beautiful house of tinted pearls andbutterflies to wait on us - and Junebugs---

WizardShe's bug house.

CynthiaCome with me to the bottom of the seaand be my king-fish.

WizardNo, I'd sooner stay here and stick to myperch.

CynthiaAh, sneer if you will; you cannot turn mefrom my purpose. Think, my darlingthink---

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(Bus)WizardI think I'll think up here.

(Jumping up on chair)CynthiaMy head is full of thoughts; they goround and round---

WizardThose are not thoughts - they are rollerskates.(Aloud)The lady has hallucinations.

CynthiaMy brain is on fire.

WizardYes, and I'm getting a little hot-headedmyself.(Comes down from throne)

Cynthia(Lovingly)Oh, Niccolo! Bewitched and transformedas you are, you must recognize your oldsweetheart. Don't you remember we usedto wander together.

WizardAnd now you're wandering alone. Dinnyopen the gate - open the gate.

BynthiaBut I have found you. Come, fly with me.

WizardI will as soon as my wings come backfrom the laundry.

CynthiaNiccolo - Niccolo. Don't you rememberyour old sweetheart? Your little Cinnie,

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whom you swore to love forever? ThinkThink! You were younger then and yourhair was parted in the middle. And Nick,---you had another face.

WizardThat's a hard one - that's a hard one. I begpardon, but from childhood up this facegrew on me. Now, see here, my goodlady, we had better come to anunderstanding. Your ideas are all right ina way, but even at that you're wrong. Youthink you're speaking to the party thatyou are, but you're not - you're talking tome.

CynthiaDo you spurn the heart I lay at your feet?Alas, alas! I am undone.

(Bus)WizardYou're all right behind.

CynthiaMonster! If I cannot have my Nick I'llhave revenge!(Fires pistol at Oz)(Bell rings off stage)(Oz takes large bullet from mouth, throwsit on floor and exits R.)(Bus. for Cynthia)He's made of asbestos. Would that alllovers were fireproof.

CYNTHIA (Exit)(Captain at Guard enters C. withDorothy, Tin Woodman and Scarecrow)ScarecrowIs this where the Wizard does hisprincipal wizzing?

CaptainCan't you see it's his palace? Haven't you

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got any brains?

ScarecrowThat's just what I came here to get.

Dorothy(To Captain)He'd like a few brains and I'd like a passto Kansas.

Capt.(To Tin-man)And what do YOU want of the Wizard?

Tin-manI'll take a heart.

Capt.I'll announce you wants. But, be warned.Don't make light of aught in his presence.

ScarecrowIf I made light of anything they'd cancelmy fire insurance.

Dor.(To Capt)We've come a long way to get the Wizardto help us. Do you think he can?

CaptainI cannot tell. He alone knows.

ScarecrowDon't worry, Dottie. If you have to stayhere we'll take care of you.(To Tin-man)You're in on that, Pie-plates?

Tin-manThat's right, Dottie. With all my heart -when I get it.

(Flourish of trumpets heard off)Capt.

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His Majesty approaches!

(Flourish of trumpets and enter Oz, Rfollowed by Bardo)Tin-manHere comes the Wizard!

Wizard(Seeing Dottie)What! Strangers here!

ScarecrowYes; little Dottie.

WizardYou all look a little Dottie.

DorothyOh no, I'm Dorothy Gale. Are you thegreat Magician?

WizardAm I? Watch!(Bus. Thunder each time he makes a passwith his hands.)All done by the passes of the hand.

Dor.Then you can send me back to Kansaswith a pass.

WizardI am not a Congressman.

Scarecrow(Coming C.)Brains, please.

WizardHow will you have your brains, plain orsizzled?

(Bus. for Scarecrow)Dorothy(To Scarecrow)

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Have them scrambled, by all means.

Tin-manYes, have them strangled.

WizardHow would you like a Russell Sagethinker with just a Dash of Hetty Green.

ScarecrowYou're the doctor.

WizardBardo - my book, please.(Bus. and Oz reads from book)"One pound of Angustora Phosphorusplant-tissue lyonised with tincture offundamental and double distilled extractof Graphohoneical essence." Now, as faras I've got, how does that suit you?

Tin-manWhen you get it tuned up, playsomething.

WizardTuned up?

Tin-manSay, Wiz, never mind that blended brain;just mix him up a little of that straightMark Hanna brand.

WizardCorrect. How would you like to have aMark Hanna brain?

(Bus. for Scarecrow)Tin-manThat's it - take it.

ScarecrowI'll take it.

WizardThat's it. Take the best, it's the cheapest.

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The other would make you daffy. Brains,the real genuine Mark Hanna grey matter.Now, for the oraments. Would you like tohave a dash of orange bitters?

BusTin-manTake all you can get.

ScarecrowTake all I can get?

WizardThat's right. This way, please.(Scarecrow goes towards him, warbling)Oho! So you're a warbler, eh?

ScarecrowI'm so happy.

WizardWell, you'll be happier by the time I'mthrough with you. Now do you knowwhere you want your brains?

(Bus)On the roof. Correct. Over here, please.(Bus)We start in by making a small incision.---Tin-manSay, Wiz, that's no watermelon.

WizardCertainly not. No watermelon.(Bus)Ah, I see he's troubled with a little hayfever -- and an over-abundance, too, atthat. I'll remove---(Bus)Now, we'll see further.(Bus)

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Well, what have we here? In all myexperiences in trephining I never sawanything to equal the likes of this.(Bus)And the further you go the better they get- a regular squirrel's nest.(Taking peanuts from Scarecrow's headand handing them to Tin-man and others)Search that. I don't think there's a blankamong any of them. The real genuinearticle.(Bus)This feller is nutty.(Bus. to Scarecrow)The first thing you know you'll haverubber brains. Keep quiet if you can'tkeep still.(Bus)We'll start in---(With knife)at the frontal bone, passing along theseam of imagination, crossing over to thepocket containing paroties of thought---(To Bardo)The Gridoler----(Bus)Now----(Bus)Well, brains---(Bus)Steady - steady!(Bus. Scarecrow)Man dear, yer losin' yer senses. Couldn'tyou see?(Bus)The mucilage!

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(Bus)A few layers of the phrenological salve,and you're all right.(Bus)There you are. Your Mark Hanna roof iswell shingled.

Scarecrow(Rising, coming down feeling his head)Oh, oh, how I love the poor workingman!

WizardHow do you feel now?

ScarecrowLike making speeches to the intelligentvoter. I'll write one.

(Retires up, produces pad and pencil andwrites)Tin-man(Going to Oz) (Bus)One heart haben.

WizardWhat size heart do you wear?

Tin-manSix-seven eights.

DorothyWouldn't you like to be considered abig-hearted man?

Tin-manI couldn't afford it Dottie. I've got lots oftin, but I hate to part with it.

WizardWould you like to have your heart hot orcold?

Tin-manWarm.

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WizardWarm?

Tin-manLuke?

WizardHere's one, left by a young lady namedSapho.

Tin-manThen it's second handed. Very expensive?

WizardWell, it used to be a dear heart, but thisbeing bargain day I'll give it to youcheap. A dollar thirty-eight.

Tin-man(Taking heart)There's a flaw in it. I'll give you sixty-eight.

WizardIt's yours.

Tin-manThat's a bargain.

WizardWill you have it wrapped or sent?

Tin-manI'll take it wth me.

WizardWhere will you have it?

Tin-man(Pointing to head)Don't put it in there.

WizardCertainly not.

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Tin-manSink it in those.

(Putting hand on breast)WizardWhat do you want, a sink, or a ---Bardo,my surgical instruments.

(Bardo throws tools at foot of throne)Tin-manSay, what are you? A plumber?

WizardNo. I think I'm a tinsmith.

(Bus)Tin-manI think you're a----wait a minute.

(Bus)WizardWhat's the matter? Nervous?

Tin-manJust a little excited, that's all.

WizardI'll stop that.

(Bus. with mallet)Tin-manWait a minute. There's no hurry aboutthis.

WizardOh, yes there is, there's others waiting.

Tin-manWell, let them wait. I guess I'll call into-morrow.

WizardNow, don't be heartless. Have a heart.(Bus)

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What's the matter with you?

Tin-manOh, Wizzie, ---nice little Wizzie -- willyou do me a favor?

WizardCertainly I will - what's the matter? Whatare you shaking about?

Tin-manJust a little case of nervous prosperity.

(Bus. of Oz putting heart into Tin-man)WizardI'll fix that.

(Bus)Tin-manThat didn't hurt. Shine!

WizardI'm going to put a little absinthe on yourheart.(Bus. of putting absinthe on heart andputting it into Tin-man)There, your heart will beat in twominutes!

Tin-manIt's working already.

(Bus. and going L.)Wizard(To Dorothy)Don't be alarmed. I suppose you want apair of feet.

DorothyNo, I want a pass to Kansas.

WizardI'm afraid my Kansas passes are allcancelled.

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DorothyMust I stay forever in this awful country?

WizardHow can you call anything awful afterTopeka?

DorothyI'm so mad, I could cry.

(Goes C. and cries)Tin-man(Going to her)Don't cry, Dottie. Look at what he did forme.(Showing heart - drops it)Don't step on it.(Bus. and exit Dottie R.L)Oh! Broke my brand new heart!

(Exits R.L.)Scarecrow(Coming down)How's this for stampeding a Convention?"The time has come to cripple the moneyoctopus. We'll pull his leg. No, we'll cliphis wings, and you'll all be happy whenyou vote for me."

(Exits R.)(Enter Chorus)Wizard(Proudly)There go the most successful miracles Iever performed, and I'm going to give aball to-night in honor of my triumph. Thelast one I attended was in Topeka.

THE DANCE OF ALL NATIONS:WIZARD - SCARECROW - Tin-man -DOROTHY - AND CHORUS.

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(Exeunt)(Bardo enters, followed by Pastoria,Tryxie, Cow and Lion. Bus)BardoWhere is your license for this company?

TryxieWe had a dramatic license, but we lost it.We're only a moral one ring circus.

BardoIs there all there is of you?

TryxieWe had a stage-struck pig when westarted.

BardoWhat happened to the stagestruck pig?

TryxieHe was cured in the last town.

PastoriaAnd we had a happy family, too, -- thatlion and a lamb.

BardoLost the lamb.

PastoriaNo. The lamb is still with us, - butbeneath the surface.

(Lion pats his stomach appreciatively)BardoI'll report your arrest to his wizziness.

(Exits)Tryxie(To Pastoria)And if His Wizziness recognizes you, it'sinto the cart with Du Barry!

Pastoria

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Ugh! Stop putting ice down my back.

TryxieWhere is your army? Where is yourrevolution?

PastoriaBe patient, my Empress of BiscuitShooters. Feast your eyes upon thatthrone whereon you and I will sit togetheras soon as we get a chance to prove Oz ahumbug.

TryxieBut is Oz a humbug?

PastoriaIs he? Well, I should say he issie, Ozzie,izzie. On the earth you came from hisfeats of magic were chestnuts at all thechurch fairs fifty years ago.

(Scarecrow and Tin-man enter R.3)Tin-manSay, Hay, is this the place?

ScarecrowThat's where we're at.(To Pastoria and Tryxie)Why so sad, comrades?

TryxieWhy do our faces look pinched?

Tin-manYes. Who did it?

PastoriaThe myrmidons of the usurper. Even theshow business isn't safe in this pea-greentown.

ScarecrowWhat show business?

Pastoria

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Signor Gonzabo's only original one ringcircus.

Tin-manWhere is it?

Pastoria and TryxieWE are it! Ta, ta.(They strike pose, Lion and Cow also.Chord. Bus of Cow nibbling atScarecrow)

Scarecrow(Bus)Have the animals been fed lately?

PastoriaWhy?

Scarecrow(Pointing to Cow)Because if that beast remains hungry I'mliable to join the menagerie against mywill.(Bus. feeling cow's side)Oh, yes, she's been fed.

TryxieWhy, she's perfectly amiable.(Xing to Cow - bus)Come here, and I'll introduce you.

ScarecrowThanks, we've met before.

Cynthia(Enters L.1 carry an axe)Hold! Stand all apart.(All spread arms and legs)(She points to Pastoria)I would speak with yonder wicked giant.It is my pleasure to think I am Jack-the-

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Giant-Killer. Come with me to yonderbean stalk, 'Tis but a mile high and whenthou hast reached the top I will cut itdown. I fain would see thee tumble.

(Bus for Lion at throne)PastoriaExcuse me, I'm not good at tumbling.

CynthiaNow that I look upon thee again I canbelieve that.

TryxieWill the Lady Lunatic kindly cut it short?

CynthiaWhat are thou?

TryxieOh, back to the padded cell with you.

Cynthia(To Pastoria)Have you brought home a new cook? Iprithee wash the potatoes.

Tryxie(Starting towards Pastoria)Now, Pasty---

(Cynthia seizes Tryxie by arm, pulls herL. then pushes Pastoria who falls R. nearthrone. Tryxie exits L.1.)Cynthia(Starting towards Pastoria)Abide thee there awhile(Turns, sees Scarecrow)Thou cream-faced loon!(Bus)Where getst thou that goose look?

(Swings axe in front of Scarecrow's face)

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(Scarecrow falls)(Cynthia exits L.1.)(Bus for Lion)(Flourish of trumpets and enter BardoR.1. Crowd enters L.)BardoHis Majesty commands your presence atonce.

Pastoria(Alarmed)What for?

BardoYou're not to ask questions, but obeyorders.

PastoriaIf I don't know, I don't go.

BardoYour circus will give a specialperformance by royal command.

Pastoria(Aside)Ah, I breathe again.

(Bus)(Pastoria, Bardo, Cow and Tim-man Lionand Scarecrow exit)(Tryxie enters L.1)1st Girl(To Tryxie)Don't you belong to the circus?

TryxieNo, indeed. Oh, yes, of course I do.

1st GirlDo you have to act?

Tryxie

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Oh, no, of course not. I don't have to act,but I love art.

2nd GirlWhat is your speciality?

TryxieI'm a bare-faced equestrienne, and I singserio comics.

1st GirlWhare are serio comics?

TryxieHaven't you ever heard one?

1st GirlNever.

TryxieSome people are born lucky. Here'swhere your luck ends.

SAMMY SONG (Tryxie and Chorus)(Tryxie exits after song)(Chorus sing refrain and exit)(Confederate enters C. Bus. Pastoria andTryxie enter C. Pastoria throws a largegreen cloth over Confederate's head -bus)PastoriaQuick, quick, my queen! The knock-outdrops!(Tryxie places bottle to Confederate'snose, Bus. Pastoria counting)1---- 2---- 6---- 8----- 10 ----out. The restis easy. Disguised in this fellow's clothes,I shall take his place. When the timecomes Oz will put me in the trunk, thenhe will close the lid, turn the thing overand open it, and when he tells the peopleto look again they will see this trunkempty. Then I will rise at the back anddenounce him as a fraud.

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TryxieAnd they'll make you King again.

Pastoria(Tenderly)Then I shall lead you to a palace.

TryxieI'd rather be led to a restaurant.

PastoriaQueens don't talk that way.

TryxieBut I'm not a Queen. Listen, Pasty, Idreamed last night that I was in Heaven,eating ice cream and sauer kraut.

PastoriaGo back to bed. But first help me carrythis man where I can secure his clothes.

(Lifts Confederate on his shoulder)TryxieIs he heavy? He must have had hisdinner. I could help you lift him if I hadhad mine.

(They exit L.2)(Sir Wiley enters with Guard and severalgirls)

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GyleThe coast is clear. Come in - come in.Don't be afraid. I'm not. Come in, andlook at his wonderful tricks. you haven'tchanged your minds? You'll let me proveto you that your ruler is no wizard? Thenwatch me. Here's his wonderful egg trick.See, a pocket in the handkerchief. Andsee the magic basket. Place this inside,turn it over so, --- and behold, the falsebottom. Stupid, people, he has made afool of you all for years. Rebel! Drivehim from Oz. ----and make Sir Wileyyour savior - king!

GuardIt shall be done.

OthersDown with the Wizard! Down with theWizard!

(Exit Crowd)(Gyle starts up stage, stops, looksaround)GyleYes, I'll do it. His confederate has livedlong enough.(Begins to nail up bottom of basket.)One good turn deserved another. I willnail it up. And tries to open it he willhave a picnic. A basket picnic. TheWizard will wiz for the last time to-day.

(Bus. Exit)

SPECIALTY.(Scarecrow and Tin-man)(Pastoria and Trixie enter afterScarecrow and Tin-man exit. Pastoriadisguised as the confederate, and wearslong cloak)Pastoria

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(Cautiously)H'st - would you know your king?

TryxieNo, I'm too hungry to see straight.

(Enter entire court, Sir Wiley Gyle andOz. Oz goes to throne)WizardWelcome, my faithful subjects, to oursecond daily exhibition.

GyleThis is the last he'll ever give.

WizardWe will proceed as usual with ourmarvelous magic basket.

GyleNow then Citizens, watch him. I willprove how you have been tricked foryears by this imposter. Watch! Watchhim! Watch him!

(Ad lib scene)WizardYou all know that the basket containsnothing but glimmering knives --if there'sany doubt step forward and examine thebasket.(Bus)You all know that I have no confederate.Now will some gentleman kindly stepforward and assist me. Anyone at all.Anyone at all. I don't give a---- I don'tcare who it is.(Bus)Dinny!(Bus with Pastoria. Shoving him downtowards basket. Bus of Guard offering toassist. Ignore him)Thank you - a little bit slow. I'll have to

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take this man. What's the matter Dinny,have ye been indulgin'?(Forcing Pastoria into basket)in the basket. Now he's in the basket...We immediately turn the basket over.

(Bus)Gyle(Chuckling)He, he!

WizardWe take our time in turning the basketover.(Bus. Turns it over with assistance)(Laughs)Now we secure the dangerous burnin'acid.

(bus. Sees basket is nailed)GyleGo on! Go on!

Wizard(Aside)Somethin' doin'.

GyleGo on.

WizardJust a minute. I think one of theglimmering knives is broke.

GyleWatch the faker.

Wizard(At basket)(To Pastoria inside)Dinny, you're late.

Gyle

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Go on, don't stop.

WizardAs beforeDinny, we're up against it.

GyleGo on, we're just dying to see you do thetrick again.

WizardYes, and Dinny will be dead if I DO do itagain.

GyleWatch him, it's WONDERFUL. Go on,pour it, pour it, pour it.

WizardI refuse to reign and pour at the sametime.

GuardDo you refuse?

WizardYes, I do.

GuardThen drive him out of Oz!

ChorusDown with him.

GyleWait! Wait! He'll do it.(Bus)Go on! Go on!

Wizard(Bus with sword)Dinny, watch yourself! Watch yourself.

(Drives sword into basket. Basket isturned up and Pastoria falls out.Commotion in crowd.)

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GyleThis is not the Confederate. Who is thisman?

PastoriaI am Pastoria the Second.

GylePastoria in that dress?

PastoriaIt's the costume of the man who guardedthat imposter's tricks. You all know menow. I am Pastoria II - returned todenounce that man and claim the throne!

(Bus. Gyle.)

-:- FINALE -:- STAR OF MY NATIVELAND.

-:- "THE WIZARD OF OZ" -:- -:-ACT III -:-SCENE:- Edge of the domain of Oz.Draw bridge L.U.E. Large tree R. Theroots of tree have turned upward andform a cage. The scene is a study inpurple.AT RISE:- SOLDIERS led by OFFICERSenter L.1 E. and X. Sentry is left at bridgeSoldiers march off up R. Officer enterguard house over R. Cooks andWaitresses enter across bridge

COOKS' AND WAITRESSES'NUMBER.(Officers enter from guard house R. atend of Number)OfficerWho are you, and where do you comefrom?

1st CookWe are cooks and waitresses and maids

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of all work.

2nd CookAnd we're looking for an intelligenceoffice.

OfficerIn your travels have you met anysuspicious characters?

WaitressOh, everybody WE meet is suspicious.

1st CookWhy the last people I worked forwouldn't believe that one mouse couldsteal a cold boiled ham.

OfficerI'm talking of escaped prisoners -enemies of King Pastoria. They broke outof the jail at Oz.

WaitressWhen did they escape?

OfficerYesterday. There's a big reward for them.

2nd CookWhat do they look like?

OfficerRead the royal proclamation over there.(Points to Bulletin board up L.C. withproclamation on it.)You'll find their full description.

(Girls rush up to bulletin board)(Officers exit down L.(Sentry faces up stage and watches girls)

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1st Girl(Mounting on stool beside bulletin)Oh, girls, it's a thousand gold pieces forthe one who catches them.

(Tin-man and Scarecrow enter down R.Music for entrance. Tin-man is disguisedas a burlesque chaffeur. Scarecrow incostume of various light colored articleswhich might be stolen from a clothes'line. They see the group up stage anddraw back to cover of guard house)Tin-manOnce across that bridge and we win. Doyou think we've been missed at theprison?

ScarecrowMissed? My boy, when we left thatprison all the cells were in tiers.

1st Cook(Studying proclamation)From this description we ought to knowthis prisoner if we meet him.

(Scarecrow and Tin-man listen)WaitressWhat does he look like?

1st cook(Reading)"He has folding bed knees, and a facelike a fightened buckwheat cake."

Tin-man(Aside to Scarecrow)That's you.

Scarecrow(Aside to Tin-man)Did you ever see a frightened buckwheatcake?

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Tin-manYes; while the cream was being whipped.

ScarecrowCome, Harold, it's over the river with us.

(They go up to bridge. Sentry halts them)Tin-manWhat's the matter?

SentryDon't you know.

ScarecrowWe haven't been told.

SentryThat's it.

Tin-manWhat's it?

SentryYou're it.

ScarecrowI've got it. This is a toll bridge and wecan't go over until we've been told.

Tin-man(Sadly)Oh!

Scarecrow'Tis a merry jest, but I see no change inyou.

Tin-manYou see no change in me, because I'mbroke.(Xing to Sentry)What's the toll?

SentryOne fong.

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ScarecrowOne fong? This must be Chinese money.(Tin-man Xes to c. Scarecrow Xes toSentry)Do you charge for anybody under five.

SentryNo.

ScarecrowThat fixes me. I'm just nine days' old.

SentryNine days?

ScarecrowYes, but I'm large for my age. You maynot believe it, but I was born just ninedays ago.

Sentry(With evident suspicious)That don't go. And neither do you.

Tin-manCan't you trust us for two measly fongs?

SentryNot unless you leave your auto forsecurity.

Tin-manI haven't got one.

SentryHaven't got an auto, with that hat?

Tin-manOh, every man who wears a sailor capdon't own a yacht.

(Rejoins Scarecrow)Sentry(Goes C. to them)What are you fellers, anyway?

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ScarecrowMUST you know?

SentryYes; or I'm likely to arrest you.

ScarecrowI'm a smoke inspector in a painless dentalparlor.

Tin-manAnd I'm a switchman in a ladies' hairemporium.

Sentry(Distrustfully)You don't seem to be telling the truth.

(Goes back to bridge)Tin-man(Aside to Scarecrow)If I could find Little Dottie and the othersthey might help us.

ScarecrowTake a look for them.(Pushes Tin-man R.)I'll wait for you here.

(Tin-man exits E. Scarecrow motions tohim after he is off. Girls turn down stage)1st CookBetter leave these runaway prisoners tothe police and spend OUR time gettingplaces.

WaitressShall we advertise first? Here are our ads,all ready for the want columns.

Scarecrow(Aside R.)Here's a chance to turn the toll.(Slapping forehead)

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This is where my brains come in.(Aloud, advancing C.)Excuse me, ladies, but why advertise?

2nd CookWe all need positions.

1st cookHere are the ads we are going to publish.

(Hands paper to Scarecrow)ScarecrowI know, you want everything - exceptwork.

WaitressYou must have kept an agency.

ScarecrowRight!(Reads)"A young German girl would like to giveRussian lessons to a Swedish deaf mutein a refined Italian family."(Reads)"A neat and willing girl would like aposition as a laundress in a family wherethe washing is sent out."(Reads)"A refined brunette will give good advicein exchange for a happy home."(Reads)"An epileptic French dressmaker wouldlike employment. Fits guaranteed."(Reads)"A tired blonde will teach the rest cure toa wealthy aged couple. No objection tobeing adopted."(Reads)"An experienced worker would like to

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work an inexperienced young marriedcouple."

1st CookDon't know of a few families who wantgirls like these?

ScarecrowI don't know of any that WANT them, buta good many may have to have them.

1st CookBut you can surely place a first class cooklike me.

ScarecrowWhat's your specialty?

1st CookMy pies are something to beremembered.

ScarecrowSome pies can never be forgotten. I'll tellyou about one.

THE TRAVELLER AND THE PIE.(Scarecrow and girls)One day a weary traveller walked down avillage street,Did he? I think he did.He thought he stop and ask a lady for abite to eat.Did he? I think he did.He knocked upon a door and said inaccents so polite,I'm very hungry and I hope you'll let mehave a bite,Oh, you shall have my pie the young wifeanswered in delight.Did she? I think she did.Chorus.Oh, the weary, hungry traveller,The hungry luckless travellerHe took one little bite and next minute

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took to flightOh, the weary hungry luckless traveller.II.A travelling man once told his wife he onthe road must go.Did he? I think he did.And then he stayed in town and took alady to the show.Did he? I think he did.He did it out of charity,His heart was very kindBut when the usher showed his seatHe was surprised to findHis wife, with another chap,Was seated just behind.Was she? Oh, joy!Chorus.Oh, the weary, hungry traveller,The hungry luckless traveller,She murmered "You're untrue"But he answered "So are you."Oh, the weary hungry luckless traveller.

(At end of song girls exit)ScarecrowThere! They've gone and I'm still shy thetoll.(Tin-man enters R.)Find anybody?

Tin-manNo. Didn't find anything but a book.

(Shows book)ScarecrowWhat is the book?

Tin-man"A Happy Home". In six parts.

ScarecrowWho broke it up?

Tin-man

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What's a happy home got to do with aflat?

Tin-manThe woman who owns this book can findout anything she wants to know.

(Officer enters with Sentry who points toboth. Officer watches them suspiciously)ScarecrowI'd hate to be her husband.

Tin-man(Turning leaves)For example - Chapter 9 - how to fryeggs. Chapter 12, The married woman'spocket book.

ScarecrowThere's nothing in it. Go on.

Tin-manChapter 14. How to make ice water last.

ScarecrowThat's easy. Make everything else first.Brains.

Tin-manChapter 20. What to do when Babyswallows an alarm clock.

Scarecrow(Takes book)I might try to sell it for enough to pay thistoll.

(Turns L.)OfficerWho are you?

ScarecrowWe are book agents. I have here a bookthat no hungry man should be without.

Officer

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No hungry man?

Tin-manIt has four plates and a canvas back.

OfficerI think you're two of the rebels names inthat proclamation.

(Pointing to proclamation)Tin-manNot at all.

OfficerYou tell your story with a straight front.

ScarecrowA straight front? Excuse me, my figure isall my own.

OfficerI'll arrest you both on suspicion.(To Soldiers)Take them in.

(Soldiers step to each side of Scarecrowand Tin-man)Tin-manThis is all a mistake.

OfficerTo the cage with them.

(Scarecrow is marched to steps of cagewith Tin-man)Scarecrow(Struggling)Get me a handwriting expert; he canprove by my signature that I'm somebodyelse, and that I died last year.

(They are put into cage or guardhouse.Sentry and soliders exit C. Officerremains.)Tin-man

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I say, this is wrong. We are not pollparrots.

ScarecrowIf I was a swearing man I'd say, "Dash itall; we're up in the air!"

Tin-manWhat a glorious chance to study thelanguage of the birds and monkeys.

OfficerIt's certain we've caught two of the rebels.The others are not far off. Let no one passthat bridge.

(Jingling of chains as drawbridge is letdown. Enter Sentry and a file of soldiers,escorting The Wizard and Sir Wiley, whoare dressed as convicts with ball andchain at ankles. Pastoria follows themdressed in royal purple robes, but withplasters across his face and one blackeye)PastoriaHalt! Let me enjoy their misery amoment longer.(To Wizard and Sir Wiley)My, but you look good.

WizardIf I wasn't a stickler for the truth I'd say"Ditto."

Pastoria(To Officer)Have any of the other escaped prisonersbeen captured?

Officer(Pointing to cage)We've got the What-was-it, and theWhat-is-it in the cage.

Pastoria

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(Going to cage)Good! My joy increases.

ScarecrowIsn't he easily pleased?

(Pastoria returns to the Wizard)PastoriaSo you're a wizard, eh? Come, - let meshow you a trick. How to make the dustfly. Ha, ha, ha, give them brooms, men.Give them brooms, and let them performthe trick.

(Soldiers bring street brooms for Wizardand Sir Wiley Gyle)Gyle(Throwing down broom)I'm no housemaid. I don't want yourbroom!

PastoriaPick that up, or I'll have you flogged.Pick it up, Sir Wiley, pick it up! Pick itup!

(Gyle picks up broom reluctantly)WizardOf the two evils he chooses the broom.

PastoriaMy, my but you look funny. Ha, ha, ha.

(Enter Tryxie in riding habit)TryxieWhy so merry, dear Pasty?

PastoriaLook at my new street cleaning gang. Ha,ha, ha, Aren't they a sight for sore eyes?

TryxieI hate to see that old chap punished.

Pastoria

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Why?

TryxieBecause he gave me the best laugh of mylife. It was he Pasty dear, it was he that---(Laughs)Oh, my, that nailed up the bottom of theWizard's basket just before you got in it.

(Sir Wiley laughs.)PastoriaBruno take that laughing hyena away. Puthim to work on the sewer.

(Soldiers exit across bridge with SirWiley and the Wizard. They carry thebrooms on their shoulders)SoldierRight face - forward - march!

(Scarecrow and Tin-man wave theirhands from cage to them as they exit andexit Officer)TryxieAnd now, Pasty, my boy.

PastoriaPlease cut the word "Pasty" out of yourvocabulary. Remember if you please, thatI am a King. His Majesty, Pastoria Rex.

Tryxie(Xing L.)That's all right for laying stones andopening expositions. But none of "YourMajesty" in mine, Pasty.

PastoriaAnd don't you want to be a queen?

TryxiePasty, you were one of the sweetestmotormen I ever knew, but as a King youwon't do at all.

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(Xes R.C.)PastoriaWhy not?

TryxieYour blue blood gives me the blues. Formy part, I don't even know who mygrandfather was, so I've nothing to beashamed of.

PastoriaTryxie, if you desert me now my life willbe as empty as a Summer resort atChristmas.

TryxieCan't help it. I'm not crochetting anyworsted ties for you just now.

PastoriaWon't you kiss and make up?

TryxieNo.

PastoriaThen don't kiss, just make up. You do thatso well.

Tryxie(Stamping her foot)Brute!

PastoriaTo me, your King? Very well, we parthere. I'll go back to my throne, and youcan go back to your dairy kitchen, oncemore a biscuit shooter - and you mighthave been a queen.

TryxieThat's nothing. If I had stayed at home Imight have been head waitress at a lunchcounter by this time.

(Exits R.1.)

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Tin-manMy, but isn't she sassy! I'll bet she's aregular Must You.

2nd WaitressFor Goodness sake, what's a Must you?

Tin-manI'm afraid to tell you, you might get thehabit.

2nd WaitressWe'll try not to.

Tin-manWell here's a yarn about one.

MUST YOU?Tin-man AND GIRL -(Exit Girls)(Enter Dashemoff and Dorothy R.2.)Dash.Here we are at last. See, there's thedrawbridge. This is the frontier ofPastoria's dominion. Once over thatbridge and we'll be free from him, and inanother day we'll be safe in the land ofGalinda, the Good.

DorothySee, a big reward is offered for ourcapture. Pastoria is doing his best to getus again.

Dash.They've caught Oz and Wiley Gyle andthey're working on the street-cleaningchain gang. But come on, it's dangerousto linger.

DorothyI wish we could find our old friends theScarecrow and the Tin-man and takethem with us.

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Scarecrow(At window in cage)Hi there somebody. I can't sleep in thisroom. The mice are stealing my filling.

Dash.The Scarecrow!

Dorothy(Below window)What are you doing in there?

Tin-manYou can't do anything in here but time.

Dash.(To Dor.)And the Tin-man! Here's a fix.

DorothyWe can't go away and leave them inprison.

ScarecrowI'd like to put myself out to help you.

Dash.Don't worry. We'll stand by you.

Dor.How were you taken?

ScarecrowAfter being well shaken.

Dor.I'm awfully sorry. If we can't get you outwe'll stay here and go back to Oz withyou.

Tin-manAh, Dottie that touches my heart. If SirDaily hadn't spoken first I'd fall dead inlove with you.

Dash.

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If we're to attempt a rescue let's get at it.

Tin-manWe can set the Scarecrow free to beginwith.

ScarecrowBut, you ---

Tin-manOh, never mind about me. Dottie, if youhave a pair of scissors with you send 'emup on the elevator.

Dor.(Looking in reticule)Scissors? Yes, here they are.

Tin-manHere's a paper of pins, and a needle andthread.

(Drops them from window)Dor.What have these to do with setting theScarecrow free?

Tin-manI'm going to cut him to pieces and passhim through these bars.

Dor.Can he stand it?

ScarecrowWouldn't think any more of it than a coldin my head. He can drop my pieces out ofthe window - you hide them in that washbasket and carry 'em off and pin 'emtogether again.

Dor.But won't that be seriously fatal?

ScarecrowNot unless you lose some of me.

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Tin-manHe ought to be done over like a mattressonce a year anyway.

Dor.It's an awful risk, and I'm so fond of theScarecrow. He owes his life to me. If Ihadn't wished him into existence he'd stillbe scaring the birdies.

DashHow about the sentries?

(Nodding toward L.U.)Tin-manAre you good at sprinting?

Dash.Pretty good.

Tin-manThen dash across that bridge withou†paying your toll, and lead them a chase.Now get to work.

(Dash. saunters up L. and talks to Sentrywhile Dor. ties scissors to a stringlowered from window of cage by Tin-manand arranges wash basket beneathwindow. Dash. suddenly pushes by Sentryand runs off across bridge. Sentrypursues calling: "Help, Stop thief.")(Cooks and waitresses run on R. andwatch the pursuit.)1st WaitressI wonder who's escaping?

WaitressMaybe one of those rebels.

1st CookHe has a fine lead, they'll never catch himnow.

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Dor.I hope they don't.

WaitressDo you know him?

Dor.(Mysteriously)He's my sweetheart. We're wanderingminstrels. He writes the songs and I singthem.

1st CookLove songs, of course?

Dor.Yes. Here's one.

"HONEY MY SWEET."Dorothy & Chorus.(Exit Chorus)(Tin-man whistles from window. Dor. Xesto guardhouse.)Dor.I'm here.

Tin-manThe Scarecrow is all carved, and ready toserve.

Dor.Go ahead.

Tin-manWill you have some wing, or somesecond joint?

Dor.Both.

(Tin-man drops a leg and an arm out ofwindow. Dor. puts them in basket.Cynthia enters L.1.)Cynthia

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What are you doing there?

(Tin-man continues to hand down piecesof Scarecrow)Dor.S-sh--! We're rescuing the Scarecrow. Itwas a hard problem to solve.

CynthiaYou seem to be doing it in fractions.

Tin-manWho's that?

Cynthia'Tis I, the Lady Lunatic. How does theScarecrow feel about this?

Tin-manOh, he's all broke up. That'll be about all,Dottie.

(Dor. covers basket)Dor.Are you sure I've got all of him?

Tin-manI think so. Wait - well, I'll be hanged.

Dor.What's the matter?

Tin-manI forgot his head. Here it is.

Dor.How careless of you. Had we lost that hewould have had to go through lifewithout a head.

Cynthia(Taking Dor. aside)Have you known that tin gentleman long?

Dor.Not very.

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CynthiaThere's something about him thatreminds me of my long lost Niccolo.

Dor.(Xing to basket)Help me, Cynthia.

(They start to L. carrying basket betweenthem. Officer enters, looks at them. Stops)OfficerWhere are you going with that basket?

CynthiaTo yonder garden, to gather geese berriesfor a plum pudding.

OfficerThat basket isn't yours. Put it down - Putit down.(They drop basket)(Officer Xes to it, picks up cover)What's all this rubbish? Officer, take itand dump it in the river.

(Soldier steps forward, picks up basket,carries it up to bridge and throws it andcontents into river) (Bus. for Tin-manduring this bus.)Dorothy(Falling into Cynthia's arms)He is lost!

Officer(Going up L.)By George! What does this mean? Whereare the sentries? Where is the guardian ofthe bridge and the cage? There is somemischief afoot. What ho! Guards!

(Rushes off, over bridge L.U.)CynthiaHe is gone, and has left the key in the

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door. Come down quick!

(Tin-man comes down out of cage andrushes to bridge)Dor.What a calamity! What a calamity!

CynthiaHas any of him drifted away?

Tin-man(Looking)There goes his leg. Quick, give me a crabnet.

Dor.This will give him an awful cold.

Tin-man(Throwing body of dummy on stage)There's his body. Put that near the fire todry.

DorothyOh, don't do that.

CynthiaI wonder if he would mind being runthrough a clothes wringer.

(Tin-man, who has thrown onScarecrow's arms and legs enters comingdown stage with Scarecrow's head)Tin-manAnd here's his brains. Soaked, butotherwise intact. My! But you're pretty.Quick, let's put him together.

Dor.Where? We'll be seen here.

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Tin-manHide him in the Sentry box.(Moves Sentry box to L.C.)What will we start with - his legs?

CynthiaNo, let us put his head up first, then hecan tell us if we are putting him togetherright.

Tin-manThat's so. I can't tell his arms from hislegs anyway.(Bus. putting head in place in cabinet)There! Right in line again.

ScarecrowWill you take the water out of my ear?

Tin-man(Offering hand)Shake?

ScarecrowI can't yet.

Dor.Oh, I'm so glad to hear you speak again.

CynthiaHurry, you're wasting time.

ScarecrowLet me have an arm next, I want toscratch my nose.

Tin-man(Showing a leg)What is that - right or left?

ScarecrowLet me see. Put that in the left corner.

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CynthiaLook out. Here come the soldiers.

Tin-man(With right leg under his arm)Stay here. Don't run away.

(Exit Tin-man and Cynthia. Exit DorothyL. Soldiers cross from R. to L. Tin-manre-enters L. still holding leg of Dummy)Tin-manNow then, I'll throw the rest at you -quick!(Fixes remainder of dummy) (Whencomplete, Scarecrow steps forward. Bus.)How do you feel now?

ScarecrowLike a wet scrambled egg. Is my face onstraight?

Tin-manYes. Wasn't you frightened?

ScarecrowA trifle. I tried to stay collected, but Icouldn't. Unless you put a few more pinsin my neck, I'm liable to lose my head.

Tin-manOld friend, welcome back to me. I'm sohappy I could sing for---- well, I'm notgoing to frighten you by telling you howlong.

SPECIALTY(Scarecrow and Tin-man and exit)(Enter Sentry and Sir Wiley and Oz. Ozand Sir Wiley with ball and chain,. andstill in convict s