The Unexpected Legacy The Unexpected Legacy of Divorceof Divorce

Report of a 25 Year StudyReport of a 25 Year Study

Article by Judith Wallerstein & Julia Article by Judith Wallerstein & Julia LewisLewis

Presentation by Mary Chou, Natalie Presentation by Mary Chou, Natalie Evans, Angela Hartman, Jennee Evans, Angela Hartman, Jennee

Montijo, & Brandy RandallMontijo, & Brandy Randall

A Video IntroductionA Video Introduction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6XwUSq4Uk4. v=L6XwUSq4Uk4.

The StudyThe Study AimsAims

Earlier Findings Earlier Findings Large-scale sample populations Large-scale sample populations

standardized rating scales standardized rating scales symptom checklistssymptom checklists

Significant difference between adults from divorced and intact families Significant difference between adults from divorced and intact families Adults from divorces families have a deficit in social skills Adults from divorces families have a deficit in social skills And problems handling conflicts in and anxiety about their marriages And problems handling conflicts in and anxiety about their marriages

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1UKxtO0YQLE/SpArryqhYOI/AAAAAAAAAII/FOz74I-VX7E/s400/divorce.gif

Design Design Northern California, 1971Northern California, 1971 Child SubjectsChild Subjects

Referred by their attorney’sReferred by their attorney’s Required to meet developmental norms and to have never been Required to meet developmental norms and to have never been

referred to counseling referred to counseling Ages 3-18Ages 3-18 60 families 60 families Relatively homogenous, White, middle-class sampleRelatively homogenous, White, middle-class sample

Looked at divorce under the “best conditions”Looked at divorce under the “best conditions”

--

http://www.fci.org/files/resources/divorce/english/divorce-1.jpg

DesignDesign Diagnostic ProcessDiagnostic Process

15 hours of clinical interviews 15 hours of clinical interviews per familyper family

Parent and children Parent and children interviewed separately interviewed separately

Incorporated play Incorporated play Parents and children were Parents and children were

interviewed 18 months, 5 years, interviewed 18 months, 5 years, and 10, and 25 years post and 10, and 25 years post separationseparation Open-ended interviews that Open-ended interviews that

were tapedwere taped Teachers were interviewed at Teachers were interviewed at

the diagnostic and 18 month the diagnostic and 18 month stagesstages

http://www.sunflowerhouse.org/Images/interview.gif

25 Year Follow-Up25 Year Follow-Up 45 of the original 60 families participated 45 of the original 60 families participated

in the 25 year follow-upin the 25 year follow-up Grown children ages 28-43Grown children ages 28-43

A Comparison Group was recruited A Comparison Group was recruited 44 adults of the same age range, from similar locations, 44 adults of the same age range, from similar locations,

who grew up in intact familieswho grew up in intact families Enabled comparison between growing up in a divorced Enabled comparison between growing up in a divorced

and intact familyand intact family

Open-ended interviews and a questionnaire were usedOpen-ended interviews and a questionnaire were used Case summaries were prepared after each contactCase summaries were prepared after each contact

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The ResultsThe Results

Early ChallengesEarly Challenges After divorce, life After divorce, life

changed almost changed almost overnightovernight For parentsFor parents For childrenFor children

Children concluded, Children concluded, “personal relationships “personal relationships are unreliable”are unreliable” 2/3 experienced multiple 2/3 experienced multiple

parental marriages & parental marriages & divorcesdivorces

Plus other parental love Plus other parental love affairsaffairs Image from:

http://www.newjerseykorean.org/zboard/zboard.php?id=py&page=1&sn1=&divpage=1&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&select_arrange=headnum&desc=asc&no=16

Loneliness & Fear of Loneliness & Fear of AbandonmentAbandonment

Memories of fights Memories of fights prior to divorce prior to divorce faded (but not gone)faded (but not gone)

Children vividly Children vividly recalled feelings of recalled feelings of shock and shock and unhappiness during unhappiness during separation processseparation process

““I remember being I remember being angry at everyone”angry at everyone”

Image from: http://www.professorshouse.com/uploadedImages/Family/Children/Children_Articles/Teens/teenagers-16.jpg

Memory FragmentsMemory Fragments Fragmented memories of key events in Fragmented memories of key events in

the break-ups loomed in participant’s the break-ups loomed in participant’s minds, emerging at crisis points in adult minds, emerging at crisis points in adult relationshipsrelationships

Image from: http://www.momcentral.com/health/marriage-relationships/

ChildhoodChildhood

““the day they divorced was the day the day they divorced was the day my childhood ended”my childhood ended”

Increased responsibility at home as Increased responsibility at home as childrenchildren

Less play, less involvement in extra-Less play, less involvement in extra-curricular activitycurricular activity

Based on their own childhood, many Based on their own childhood, many decided not to have childrendecided not to have children

Adolescence Adolescence Divorce in adolescence is Divorce in adolescence is

difficult because it adds to the difficult because it adds to the burdens of the adolescence burdens of the adolescence changes already occurring changes already occurring

However it can also be a good However it can also be a good thingthing

Adolescent Girls with Adolescent Girls with Divorced ParentsDivorced Parents

1/5 of girls had first 1/5 of girls had first sexual act before 14sexual act before 14

Multiple partnersMultiple partners Looking for male Looking for male

attentionattention Drugs earlier, more Drugs earlier, more

often, and longeroften, and longer Less protection in Less protection in

their livestheir lives More responsibility More responsibility

for themselvesfor themselves Rules not enforcedRules not enforced

http://boomersurvivethriveguide.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/04/01/prescription_drugs_hhs12.jpg

Adolescent Girls with Married Adolescent Girls with Married ParentsParents

Postponed sex and Postponed sex and usually with a usually with a relationshiprelationship

Had curfews and Had curfews and better enforcement better enforcement of rulesof rules

Drugs and alcohol Drugs and alcohol similar to non similar to non divorced divorced householdshouseholds

http://i929.photobucket.com/albums/ad139/SarahCullen1197/holding_hands21230739878.jpghttp://i929.photobucket.com/albums/ad139/SarahCullen1197/holding_hands21230739878.jpg

Santrock Says:Santrock Says: Secure attachment: Secure attachment:

emotional stability, more emotional stability, more optimistic, more resilientoptimistic, more resilient

This is less likely if have This is less likely if have divorced parentsdivorced parents

Happy married parents Happy married parents are more sensitive, are more sensitive, responsive, warm, responsive, warm, affectionateaffectionate

Marriage determines Marriage determines parentingparenting

Cooperative parents: Cooperative parents: create positive attitude create positive attitude toward men and womentoward men and women

Image From: www.nv.cc.va.us/home/rgreen/PSY_236_spring.htm

Adjustment ProblemsAdjustment Problems Adolescents from divorced families show :Adolescents from divorced families show :

Poorer adjustmentPoorer adjustment Emotional problemsEmotional problems ImpulsivityImpulsivity IrresponsibilityIrresponsibility Antisocial tendenciesAntisocial tendencies DepressionDepression Problems at work and with romantic relationshipsProblems at work and with romantic relationships Academic problemsAcademic problems Lower self esteemLower self esteem

Place own parents Place own parents and living situation and living situation next to ideal schemanext to ideal schema

Adjustment takes Adjustment takes longer in stepfamily longer in stepfamily than in divorced than in divorced familyfamily

Harder for single Harder for single parent households to parent households to have the parent be have the parent be an effective manager an effective manager   

CollegeCollege Divorced group less likely Divorced group less likely

to have contact with both to have contact with both parentsparents

90% comparison 30% got 90% comparison 30% got a significant amount of a significant amount of help from parents in help from parents in college or grad.college or grad. Divorced parents may Divorced parents may

only help 1only help 1stst 2 years of 2 years of college -> dropping outcollege -> dropping out

Usually child support ends Usually child support ends at 18at 18 Financial support for Financial support for

college is not often college is not often included in divorce included in divorce agreementsagreements

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College Support College Support

2/3 of fathers were considered 2/3 of fathers were considered successful in their professionssuccessful in their professions Yet 1/3 of fathers gave support, even Yet 1/3 of fathers gave support, even

though they were often more financially though they were often more financially stable than mothers stable than mothers

Fathers who gave support were visited and Fathers who gave support were visited and had good relationships with their childhad good relationships with their child

2/3 got support only from mother2/3 got support only from mother Close attachment with father makes an Close attachment with father makes an

adolescent more likely to go to college adolescent more likely to go to college or have a stable jobor have a stable job

Success in Higher Success in Higher EducationEducation

Only 80% went to college in divorced Only 80% went to college in divorced groupgroup Worked significantly moreWorked significantly more Often full-timeOften full-time

Less financially stable Less financially stable Less education Less education

57% of divorced adolescents group obtained 57% of divorced adolescents group obtained Bachelor’s degree Bachelor’s degree

90% in the comparison group90% in the comparison group Not usually able to get degree in sciencesNot usually able to get degree in sciences

CareersCareers Those who had a strong Those who had a strong

education were generally education were generally successful at their careerssuccessful at their careers Used to independenceUsed to independence ResponsibilityResponsibility

More likely to get along More likely to get along with a variety of people with a variety of people

Good at being Good at being economically self economically self sufficientsufficient

Most worked full time Most worked full time Those with lower Those with lower

education were still able education were still able to support themselves to support themselves fairly well even if by less fairly well even if by less socially acceptable meanssocially acceptable means

http://365.smpte.org/SMPTE/SMPTE/UploadedImages/Career_center.jpg

Young Adulthood Young Adulthood A Time of:A Time of:==

LoveLove

Sexual IntimacySexual Intimacy

CommitmentCommitment

MarriageMarriage

Fear of CommitmentFear of Commitment Impedes developmental progressImpedes developmental progress

Additional skills need to be acquiredAdditional skills need to be acquired CompromiseCompromise Overcoming differences Overcoming differences Conflict resolutionConflict resolution

Can be overcomeCan be overcome 60% Women & 40% Men studied were able 60% Women & 40% Men studied were able

to establish gratifying & enduring to establish gratifying & enduring relationshipsrelationships

Reaction to FearReaction to Fear

Search for love in the wrong placesSearch for love in the wrong places Impulsive destructive choicesImpulsive destructive choices Latching onto manipulative partnersLatching onto manipulative partners Promiscuous sexual activityPromiscuous sexual activity Accepting whoever shows upAccepting whoever shows up Avoiding intimate contactAvoiding intimate contact

42% of men vs. 6% of women42% of men vs. 6% of women

DiscussionDiscussion

Divorce is an adult Divorce is an adult rightright

Children of Children of divorce:divorce: Fewer marriagesFewer marriages Poorer marriagesPoorer marriages More divorcesMore divorces

Pictures from http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/2180149/divorce-main_Full.jpgand http://images46.fotki.com/v1453/photos/2/282664/4542311/relieved_woman400x265-vi.jpgand http://samanda-chewmunfong.blogspot.com/2009/07/divorce-cases-in-malaysia.html

Past ModelsPast Models

Given that:Given that: No excessive No excessive

conflictconflict Financial stabilityFinancial stability Contact with both Contact with both

parents is parents is maintainedmaintained

(Assumes that parenting (Assumes that parenting resumes as before, only resumes as before, only separately)separately)

The primary risk of The primary risk of divorce for the child divorce for the child is loss of contact is loss of contact with one parentwith one parent

“…Divorce represents an acute crisis from which resilient children

recover…”

Picture from Disney’s Dumbo (1941)

What’s Wrong with What’s Wrong with These Models?These Models?

Acute Stress ModelAcute Stress Model After 25 years, this study shows After 25 years, this study shows

that divorce is “a life-that divorce is “a life-transforming experience” not an transforming experience” not an acute stressacute stress

Even with the removal of the Even with the removal of the marital conflicts, the child marital conflicts, the child typically feels a net loss, typically feels a net loss, especially when the divorce was especially when the divorce was unexpectedunexpected

Child fears identifying with Child fears identifying with parents, and seeks discontinuityparents, and seeks discontinuity

Picture from http://dramysamuels.com/adultpsychotherapy.aspx

What’s Wrong with What’s Wrong with These Models?These Models?

Loss ModelLoss Model Most children in this study had frequent contact Most children in this study had frequent contact

with their father throughout childhoodwith their father throughout childhood

Even when both parents Even when both parents continued to have a continued to have a caring relationship with caring relationship with the child and had decent the child and had decent personal lives, the child personal lives, the child feared that their love feared that their love relationships would failrelationships would failPicture from the movie Rent (2005)

Intact vs. DivorcedIntact vs. Divorced

The image of the parents as a couple The image of the parents as a couple is lostis lost

Child does not learn how adult Child does not learn how adult couples solve marital conflicts, couples solve marital conflicts, develop intimacy and affection, or develop intimacy and affection, or deal with family crises as a unitdeal with family crises as a unit

Picture from Disney’s The Parent Trap (1998)

InterventionsInterventions Continue child support past age 18 for Continue child support past age 18 for

college-bound youth if intact parents college-bound youth if intact parents could have provided supportcould have provided support

In courts, greater emphasis placed on In courts, greater emphasis placed on the interests and concerns of the interests and concerns of adolescents when setting custody adolescents when setting custody schedulesschedules

Treatment at the time of the breakup for Treatment at the time of the breakup for children and parents, especially if the children and parents, especially if the child has witnessed violence between child has witnessed violence between parentsparents

Interventions (cont.)Interventions (cont.)

High school and college classes High school and college classes to derail stereotypes about adult to derail stereotypes about adult behavior in close relationships behavior in close relationships

Teach young adults to have positive thoughts Teach young adults to have positive thoughts about adult relationships and to form lasting about adult relationships and to form lasting relationships with appropriate partnersrelationships with appropriate partners

According to the Santrock text, children benefit According to the Santrock text, children benefit from interventions emphasizing the prevention from interventions emphasizing the prevention of internalizing/externalizing problemsof internalizing/externalizing problems

““One third of the subjects in this One third of the subjects in this study sought individual therapy study sought individual therapy in adulthood”in adulthood”

http://depressionam.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/depression-doctor-therapist.jpghttp://depressionam.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/depression-doctor-therapist.jpg

TherapyTherapy

ChallengesChallenges Make quick contact Make quick contact

with the therapist but with the therapist but then fear then fear abandonment and fleeabandonment and flee

Overwhelmed by Overwhelmed by sorrow and anger as if sorrow and anger as if divorce was much divorce was much more recentmore recent

SolutionsSolutions Address and soothe Address and soothe

these fears early on in these fears early on in therapy so that therapy so that treatment may treatment may continuecontinue

Acknowledge that the Acknowledge that the individual has been individual has been brave, perhaps to brave, perhaps to protect a parent, but protect a parent, but can now let go of the can now let go of the pastpast

Pictures from http://www.ehow.com/facts_5245326_herbs-anxiety.htmland http://article.cari.com.my/?p=234

Talk About ItTalk About It

Parents should discuss the Parents should discuss the divorce with the children as divorce with the children as they reach older adolescencethey reach older adolescence

Reasons for divorce, so it Reasons for divorce, so it seems less suddenseems less sudden

Mistakes made by both parentsMistakes made by both parents Parents’ hope that the adolescent will have Parents’ hope that the adolescent will have

successful relationships (alleviate the “fear successful relationships (alleviate the “fear of success”)of success”)

Help adolescent understand that divorce is Help adolescent understand that divorce is an avoidable result of human erroran avoidable result of human error

Picture from http://marsvenusliving.com/2009/05/24/parent-teen-communication/