the seven must have secrets to super self esteem

Super Self Esteem from Yes U Can 4 Women

‘THE SEVEN MUST HAVE SECRETS TO

SUPER SELF ESTEEM’

By Susan Briggs


Copyright ©2010 by Susan Briggs. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, or to be sold or resold, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Limit of Liability / Disclaimer of Warranty: While the author has used her best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. There are no warranties which extend beyond the descriptions contained in this paragraph. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not apply or be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. The accuracy and completeness of the information provided herein and the opinions stated herein are not guaranteed or warranted to produce any particular results and the advice and strategies contained herein are not suitable for every individual. This publication is designed to provide information with regard to the subject matter covered. The author shall be liable for any loss or loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction 3

Chapter 1 Examine your thoughts and feelings 8

Chapter 2 How much do you value yourself? 11

Chapter 3 Celebrate and Congratulate 15

Chapter 4 Know your values 18

Chapter 5 Positive self talk and limiting beliefs 21

Chapter 6 Set goals and take action 26

Chapter 7 How to obtain self love, self respect, self worth,

self regard and self integrity! 32

About the Author 41


‘THE SEVEN MUST HAVE SECRETS TO SUPER SELF ESTEEM’

INTRODUCTION It has been discussed and agreed upon by many that the most important element

in a healthy, happy, successful person is high self esteem. People who possess

high levels of self esteem have the enviable ability to handle any

disappointments, negativity or road blocks in life with ease. High self esteem also

allows a person to perform successfully at school, work and in personal

relationships.

So what exactly is self esteem? Self esteem is an appraisal of your ‘self’ by

yourself. It is an appraisal of your worth and it incorporates your beliefs, your

emotions and your behaviours. Self esteem is based on how much you value

yourself, how much you respect others and how much others respect you. Self

esteem is your opinion of yourself. Your self esteem will either propel you

forward in life or hold you back. Which would you prefer?

To a person with high self esteem, conflict, challenges and difficulties are seen as

learning opportunities and a chance to grow and improve whereas people with

low self esteem are affected in the reverse. A person with low self esteem will


generally view conflict, challenges or difficulties as proof that they have failed and

they will inevitably give up. Low self esteem affects our ability to rise above, like

the phoenix from the ashes, and it prevents us from seeing the gold that can be

mined from the difficulties and challenges. A person with low self esteem will not

have the confidence in themselves, or the belief, that they can find a solution so

they will avoid confronting their problems. A person with low self esteem will

hear their inner critic loud and clear and will allow this screaming inner critic to

interfere with anything they wish to achieve in life. Negative self talk is a good

friend to the person with low self esteem and it is known to affect a person’s

state of mind. Depression (excluding clinical), anxiety, lack of motivation, fatigue,

lack of energy, weight issues, mood swings, anger and frustration are just some of

the afflictions that come with low self esteem.

There is still not enough emphasis placed on the importance of high self esteem in

our society. If we taught self esteem to our children via the education system

and, supplied parents with the necessary information and tools to support their

children, then we could very well create a generation of healthy, happy,

successful individuals who were self assured, confident and thrived on challenges

and setbacks. What a concept!

The issue of self esteem however needs to start with the individual. We all

deserve to be shown the ways to achieve high self esteem and we all deserve to

get the most out of our life on this earth. Once we are aware of, and know what

is required to obtain high self esteem, we can then begin to move on with our


lives in a positive way and start setting goals to enable us to get to where we want

to be.

From the day we are born to the day we pass on there will always be setbacks,

challenges and difficulties in our lives and there will always be people to bring us

down and test our levels of self esteem. There are many who contribute to our

upbringing other than our parents, such as carers, teachers, sporting coaches,

classmates and friends and these individuals will impact our life for the better and

for the worse. As children we are taught to conform to the ways of our society.

We are not allowed to develop our personalities all on our own. From the day we

are born, and as soon as we are able, we begin to take on the beliefs of others

and are influenced in many ways.

This period from 0-7 is known as the ‘Imprint period’ and it is during this time that

we form 80% of our beliefs. At this age we are like sponges and depending on

whatever beliefs we take on and whatever experiences we encounter we will

either add to our self esteem bank or take away from it. It has been said that

when we form a belief about something, we then search for evidence to back up

our belief. For example, the child who believes they are bad at maths will turn

this belief into a reality by focusing on any mistakes they make and by

exaggerating the consequences of their errors. We also teach others how to treat

us by the way we treat ourselves. If we are always putting ourselves down for

example, others will generally be more than happy to join in. There are many

ways in which we are not taught how to develop high self esteem and it’s a

known fact that a parent who suffers from low self esteem will not be able to


raise a child with high self esteem. They will simply not know how. We all do the

best we can with the resources we have available and even the most well

intentioned parent could very well damage their child’s self esteem with harsh

criticism, over control, lack of emotional support, over protectiveness,

inappropriate expectations and lack of proper modelling. We normally parent our

children in a similar way to how we were parented purely because we lack the

awareness. We can only teach what we know ourselves therefore the secret is to

be aware.

Awareness is half the battle solved. Once we know how we affect our child’s, or

our own self esteem, we can then begin to make the necessary changes to

reverse the damage. It is up to us alone, as an individual, to rebuild our self

esteem and it can take a great deal of effort, however the gift of high self esteem

is the greatest gift we could give ourselves, and

our children, therefore the effort is definitely

worth it. Firstly, we need to realise and accept

that we are 100% accountable for our thoughts,

our feelings and our actions. No one else can

make us feel sad, happy, fearful or nervous and

the sooner we get this the sooner we get our

power back. The minute you begin to blame

someone else for the way you are feeling or the

way you acted you are giving your power away.


You will be giving your power away to that someone else. Learn the art of

controlling your emotions and start taking responsibility for your actions. When

you achieve this your power will remain intact.

High self esteem brings confidence

and with confidence comes

inspiration. With inspiration comes

motivation and with motivation

comes success.

Over the next seven chapters I will be

taking you through ways to raise your

awareness and your self esteem. You

will learn how to empower yourself

and move forward in life.

Remember it’s a journey of discovery and adventure so enjoy it. Have fun

learning about who you really are and be prepared to put in the effort because

the rewards you reap will be priceless.

"“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything

else, will affect its successful outcome.”

– William James


CHAPTER ONE - Examine your feelings and thoughts

You can easily gauge where you’re at with your self esteem by examining how you

are feeling and what you are thinking on a regular basis. Your feelings and

thoughts hold the key to greater self esteem therefore it is a great place to begin

your journey.

Learn to check in with yourself as often as possible or, whenever you feel a shift

or a change. Listen to what you are telling yourself and begin to monitor the

thoughts that are running through your head. Remember that positive thoughts

lead to action and negative thoughts lead to re-action. If you are continually

coming from a negative mindset then you will more than likely create a reaction

to an event or person that is disempowering and only results in draining your

energy levels and taking your power away. A negative mindset will cause anxiety,

sadness, guilt and depression. The other side of the coin is when you come from

a positive mindset. When you are in this state you will take action, achieve your

outcomes and regard yourself and others in a more positive way.

We literally have thousands upon thousands of thoughts running through our

heads every day and often we are unaware of what we are thinking. The secret is

to teach yourself to tune into your thoughts and train yourself to monitor what is

going through your head. Once you have mastered this you will easily be able to

stop a negative thought in mid stride and either delete it or, better still, replace it

with a positive thought. I will go into more detail about this is chapters 4 & 5.


Your thoughts will affect you in many ways therefore it is important to recognise

them and pay close attention to what they are revealing about you. Our thoughts

do serve a purpose as they remind us constantly of what is good and what is not

so good in our lives. They allow us an opportunity to choose and we do actually

have a choice about what we think and how we act and feel. What we choose will

determine our results.

‘Weak thoughts fill your heart with questions instead of making you happy

hearted’

Your feelings go hand in hand

with your thoughts. Take a

few moments and notice how

you are feeling. Notice also,

what you are thinking and ask

yourself if what you were

thinking matches what you

were feeling. What did you

observe? Were you feeling

nervous, excited, relaxed or

light and happy? Were you thinking about an event or situation that was causing

you to feel this way? Or were you reacting to your environment or to those

around you. Learn to take a few moments throughout your day to get in touch

with yourself and really listen and feel what is going on inside of you. After a


while you will notice a pattern emerging which will allow you to get to know

yourself on another level and will give you an indication of where you are at.

Start to live in the ‘now.’ Try not

to dwell too much on the past

and try not to look too far ahead

into the future. The past is the

past and you cannot change it.

Focus mainly on what is

happening right now. You are

robbing yourself by living too

much in the past or in the future. We have no influence over either so make the

most of what you have and what you are experiencing right now because you will

never get that moment again. Yes, it is important to plan ahead or to plan for the

future however, the danger comes when you begin to put things off because you

are waiting for that right moment and yes, the past has its place also, especially if

you reflect on your successes and happy times and not your mistakes or perceived

failures. Live for now and if you need inspiration or something to strive for by all

means take a trip back or forward in time. Use it only to serve and support you as

this will go a long way towards getting the life you desire.

‘Think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. You

deserve nothing less’


CHAPTER TWO – How much do you value yourself?

Self esteem incorporates your ‘self’ worth and your ‘self’ worth is all about how

much you value yourself and how much you love and respect yourself. When you

are able to place a high value on yourself and see yourself as worthy you will

know that you deserve the best and possess great merit. Self worth is what you

are born with. It can never be taken away from you and you can’t lose it,

however you can forget it. Learn to reconnect with what you were born with and

learn once again to believe in yourself. It is vital to recognise your ‘self’ worth

and, to understand your true value. Your survival and sense of well being depend

on it.

You must love and value yourself before you can love and value others. Learn to

take pride in your achievements and celebrate all your successes no matter how

big or small. We are taught at an early age not to brag and, to show humility;

however this can lead to us minimising our accomplishments and may cause us

to:

a) Not like ourselves and

b) To tell ourselves that we don’t deserve anything good.

As a result of this our self esteem suffers and self worth is forgotten.

We live in times of great obsession. We can often become fixated or obsessed

with how we look or what defects we think we have. The media saturates the

market with thin gorgeous looking women and celebrities, both on television, and


in magazines. They are always promoting the celebrity diets in a ‘secrets exposed’

way and hey what about that amazing piece of exercise equipment that will

guarantee to get you that flat toned tummy in 7 days or your money back!

Pleeaase!! Aargh!! Don’t fall for it. Practice setting your own standards.

Misconceptions to outside and inside influences can render us helpless. Take

your power back and hold onto it always.

Begin by asking yourself these questions;

• What principles do I live by?

• How much do I consider myself to be worth?

• Do I love and respect myself?

• Do I take pride in my achievements?

• Am I comfortable with who I am?

• What outside influences are affecting my worth?

• When I judge myself, as we all do, how do I measure up?

• What do I feel I have of value to offer the world and is that offer given the

validity, value and respect it deserves?


When you are able to place a high value on yourself and see yourself as

being worthy of great things you will hold yourself to a higher standard

without any effort. Our self worth is derived through our actions and

achievements.

Take a moment and think about what you have already achieved and again

ask yourself;

• How was I acting at the time and what was required of me?

• How did I feel about my achievement?

• What state of mind was I in? Was I in a state of empowerment and

certainty or was I in a state of uncertainty, secretly hoping, wishing and

praying for it all to turn out ok?

Now take a moment and think about something you want to achieve in the

future. Who do you need to be and how do you have to act in order to be

successful in this endeavour. What would you or could you do differently to last

time? Self worth is based on our feelings and how we perceive ourselves. This

can be evident in our skills, our financial position, our achievements, our status

and our physical attributes. If we see ourselves as not measuring up we are

taking away from our self worth. Do you find yourself constantly comparing

yourself to others? Do you feel that others have more than you? Do you think

that others are more intelligent, more capable, more confident, more, more,

more…………………..?


Nothing takes away from our self worth faster than anger, regret or fear. When

you compare yourself to others you are setting yourself up for a fall. You will

never achieve what you want in life if you are constantly comparing yourself with

others. It’s not possible.

Real self worth is all internal. It comes from realising the true source of your

usefulness and value. When you are able to come from this place then any

outside influences will be unable to harm your level of self worth. No one will be

able to touch it and it will remain intact. Be true to yourself and learn to realise

your true potential. Know that it all comes from within and guard it with your life.

You are bound to find yourself in situations that will cause your ‘self’ worth and

your identity to be questioned, however if you are aware that the forces are

external only, for example negative comments from others or hitting a stumbling

block which is preventing you from progressing, then you will tend not to not take

it on board and instead, will easily get over it, find a way to resolve it and move

on.

Always remember that you are unique

and special in your own way. You have

your own set of talents and abilities.

Take the time to find out what they are

and focus only on yourself and your

greatness. Give yourself the greatest gift

of all........................YOU!


CHAPTER 3 – Celebrate and Congratulate

It is essential that you remember to celebrate any successes you may have no

matter how big or small and to remember to congratulate yourself also. It’s not

about bragging, it’s about anchoring yourself to the good feelings and creating a

positive mindset. Don’t hold back. Go with whatever emotion you are feeling at

the time. For instance if you have passed an exam and feel elated, go ahead and

jump up and down, dance around, sing, laugh, share your joy with others and give

them the gift of your amazing presence at this time. These types of emotions are

infectious so go ahead, share them with others and enjoy them to the max. Use

anything and everything you can to really revel in this moment. The more you do,

the more you will anchor this memory and the easier it will be for you to call on

these emotions at a later date when you may be feeling a bit low.

The more positive memories we create the more we have in our arsenal to

choose from when times are tough. These memories, or experiences, are great to

have as they can prove a useful tool when learning how to manage your state, or

your emotions? For example, when feeling disempowered, simply call on your

successes and happy memories. Imagine you have just been reprimanded by your

boss or you have had an argument with your partner which has left you feeling

upset. Choose to come from a positive state and try not to let it ruin your day.

Try not to dwell on the negative feelings or emotions. Give yourself a bit of time

to react and then simply act. Recall a great memory and let yourself bathe in all

the good feelings, really soak in them and let them wash over you until you are

left wondering why you felt upset in the first place. If you happen to find it


difficult recalling a memory, try smiling, even if it’s the absolute last thing you feel

like doing. Force out a big huge smile and see what happens. Try it now if you

want. By doing this, you will either remember a happy event or you will end up

with the smile being natural and far from forced. By changing our physiology in

this way we can change the way we are feeling. It’s neurologically impossible not

to.

Spend ten or so minutes every month logging your achievements in a journal.

Treat yourself to a special journal, one that reflects you, and start recording. You

will find that this will help you to focus on the areas where you are improving and

getting somewhere and, if you’re someone who likes instant results, or you

struggle to maintain enthusiasm when working towards a distant goal or project,

then this will help you to see what progress you are making and show you that

your hard work is paying off.

Share you successes with others and make sure you recognise the success of

others also. When someone you know achieves an outcome or has hit a

milestone or whatever it may be, go out of your way to congratulate them and

show them how happy you are for them. One of our six core needs is

contribution. Fulfil your need for contribution by recognising others for their

efforts and their accomplishments. It will go a long way towards rebuilding your

self esteem and your ‘self’ worth. Notice how great it makes you feel and notice

how the other person is feeling as you celebrate with them and contribute

towards their happiness and self worth.


Achievements and successes lead to happiness and excitement. If you feel

something is missing in your life then do something every day that you love doing.

Do whatever it is that makes your heart sing. Monitor the way you are feeling

and listen to what you are telling yourself and others. Practice really getting in

touch with yourself and practice the art of controlling your emotions. Your

emotions don’t control you. You have the power to feel exactly how you want to

at any given time. No one else can have an effect on your emotions if you are the

one in control, the one in the driver’s seat. Be the driver of your own life, not the

passenger!

‘Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you’ve got’

- Zig Ziglar


CHAPTER 4 – Know your values

I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing your values. Values can be

determined by what country we were brought up in or what religion we were

brought up with. Values determine what we do and how we live our lives. If we

know our values then we know ourselves. We will know what makes us tick and

why we get upset over certain events. For example if one of your values was

support, you would most definitely give support to others and you would also

expect support back. If you were ever in a situation where you didn’t support

someone or, you weren’t supported, you would more than likely become upset.

When you go against your values you will know it. You may feel sad, angry,

depressed or you may feel that something just doesn’t feel right. If you are aware

of your values you can more closely monitor your emotions and feelings and this

is paramount to high self esteem.

A values elicitation is probably one of the best gifts you can give yourself. If you

would like to get in touch with me I can help you with this;

[email protected] however if you would like to give it a go yourself

you can log onto my website at www.yesucan4women.com.au and download the

values worksheet from the ‘resources’ page.

It has been my experience with the client’s I have worked with on this, that a

great deal of satisfaction and insight has been achieved from a values elicitation.

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.yesucan4women.com.au/


When eliciting your values I found it helps to ask yourself these questions;

• How do I fill my space?

• How do I spend my time?

• How do I spend my energy?

• How do I spend my money?

• Where am I most disciplined/reliable/focused?

• Where am I most organised?

• What do I think about?

• What do I visualise?

• What do I talk to myself about?

• What do I talk to others about?

• What do I react to?

• What are my goals?

Do values change?

• What creates my values in the first place?

When you have your list of values, and they could range from one or two to

eleven or twelve (there is no limit) go back through the list one by one and for

each value ask yourself “In the context of my life, why is this value important to

me?” By doing this you will really get a feel for your values and where they need

to be placed in order of importance. While doing this exercise you may decide to

remove some of the original values you listed or you may decide to add more.

This exercise cannot be done in five minutes. If you choose to do it yourself

please allow as much time as possible and complete it in a place where there is


peace and quiet and where you won’t be interrupted. If possible choose a place

that inspires you. For me it’s the ocean, for you it could be the garden in your

own back yard or a special room inside of your home. Once you have made your

first list, sit with it for a week or so and see how you feel about the values you

initially listed. Do you live these values daily or are they values you would like to

adopt. Values, like beliefs, can be changed, modified or deleted so have a play

with it. Enjoy the process and see what comes up for you.

If possible have your partner or loved one/s work on eliciting their values also as

this will give you each a better understanding of how the other operates and can

only improve and enhance your relationship. It can really provide a unique insight

and it’s something not a lot of people give consideration to so your relationship

with your loved one/s and with yourself will already be streaks ahead of anyone

else.

After completing your values elicitation fully, take the time to ask yourself how

much you value yourself now. Has anything changed for you? Have you noticed a

shift? What value do you now place on yourself? Is it any different from before?

If you have noticed a change for the better, fantastic, if you haven’t noticed any

change you will need to examine what it is that is preventing you from giving

yourself a high value. What is your inner critic telling you? How much do

negative comments affect you and how do you generally react to them? In the

next chapter I will be covering negative self talk and limiting beliefs and giving you

ways to reframe the negatives and turn them into positives.


CHAPTER 5 – Practice Positive Self Talk and Reframe Limiting Beliefs

One of the biggest secrets to gaining high self esteem is in the way you talk to

yourself. I’m convinced we are trained from an early age to use negative self talk.

We were surrounded by it constantly when growing up. We only have to think

back to what our parents used to say. Can you remember phrases like “I’m not

made of money?” “No good will come of that” “The rich get richer and the poor

get poorer” “All I’m good for is paying the bills” “She’s no oil painting” “There is

never enough to go around” “Life wasn’t meant to be easy” and the list goes on.

I’m sure you can think of some others too. This kind of language is extremely

disempowering and needs to be stopped now.

Monitor closely what you say to yourself and what you say to others. Choose

your words carefully and practice stopping the negative self talk. If you find

yourself saying things like “I’ll never fit into that dress” or “I’m not clever enough

to do that” or “Why does this always happen to me” stop yourself right now.

Learn to reframe what you were starting to say and turn it into something positive

like “I will look for another dress that suits me better” or “I will work out how to

do that” or “This has happened to me for a reason and I have a lesson to learn.”

When having conversations with others, stop yourself mid sentence if you find

your conversation leaning towards the negative, and rephrase what you were

going to say. Generally most people won’t even notice this and, if they do,

explain to them why you have done it. They will more than likely be very

interested and want to know more. There is always a positive angle to be found if


you look hard enough. In time it will become second nature and you will find

yourself coming from a positive mindset more often. Another excellent reframe

that I say to myself constantly, if I am finding something hard is to tell myself that

it isn’t hard it is unfamiliar. Think about it. When we perceive something as being

hard it is usually because we haven’t done it before or we haven’t done it often

enough, therefore it is unfamiliar. By changing ‘hard’ to ‘unfamiliar’ you will

notice yourself looking at whatever it is in a totally different way and will be less

inclined to give up. It will give you a different feeling and a different outlook.

Like anything, if you are an avid user of negative self talk then you won’t be able

to change fully overnight. Remember to be patient with yourself and if you find

yourself slipping, check in and change what you are saying or telling yourself. As I

mentioned earlier having the awareness is half the battle won. Congratulate

yourself every time you notice that you are aware of your negative self talk. Be

kind to yourself always.

One of the strategies I implemented when learning positive self talk was to use

affirmations. For those of you who are unaware of what affirmations are, they

are best described as elegant, evocative words that enable us to initiate positive

goals for inner development. The word ‘affirmation’ suggests it is a process for

becoming ‘firm’ or ‘strong’ in your internal structure. Therefore affirmations are a

great way to help you with your positive self talk and to help you move towards

your goal. I have for years had affirmations placed all over my house. On my

bedroom mirror, bathroom mirror, fridge, computer desktop, notice board in fact

all over the place. Every day I cannot help but see them, and read them,


especially the ones on my mirror. Start with a few for yourself. You can make up

your own or take on ones that others have written. I have listed a few below to

help get you going.

• ‘When I believe in myself, so do others’

• ‘I express my needs and feelings’

• ‘I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful’

Walking side by side with negative talk is our limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are

those beliefs we have that don’t serve us or support us and only succeed in

holding us back from achieving and prevent us from being true to ourselves. Our

limiting beliefs are generally formed in our childhood years and evolve from

experiences or situations we were subjected to. In order to help you to

understand this better I will give you an example from my childhood if that’s ok.

Back when I was about six

years of age I was asked by

my primary school teacher to

bring something to talk about

the next day. As I happened

to be a kid that was shy and

reserved, just this alone was

enough for me to feel fear

and apprehension however; I

always did as I was told!


The next day I brought in my stuffed lamb. My absolute favourite toy, that went

with me everywhere. He was my best friend and had seen better days. After

morning recess I was quietly sitting at the back of the class working away when

the teacher called my name. I had to walk right past everyone to the front of the

class however, when it came time to speak nothing came out. I had literally frozen

with fear and had turned bright red. The rest of the class started laughing and the

teacher told me to sit down. I wasn’t coping all that well so sat down right where I

was in front of the blackboard. This made my situation even worse and by the

time I realised what I had done the class was laughing even louder and I ran back

to my seat in tears.

I can still recall this day so vividly and it was only a few years ago that I discovered

all the limiting beliefs I had taken from that situation and carried with me into

adulthood. My limiting beliefs went like this;

• I always embarrass myself

• I am no good at anything

• My opinion doesn’t count

• No one will listen to me

• I am not important enough

I haven’t listed them all here as I’m sure you have the idea by now of what a

limiting belief is and how they come about. For a long time I would agree with

whatever anyone said to me as I believed my opinion didn’t count and I wasn’t

important enough so I continually did as I was asked without ever questioning. I


would avoid putting myself in situations where I could fall prey to others ridicule

and experience embarrassment.

It was so liberating and life changing to get right down to the core of my

behaviour and then take the necessary steps to reframe these beliefs. My only

regret is that I didn’t find out how to do this sooner. Your life will be very

different once you learn to change the way you talk to yourself and the way you

talk to others and, once you have identified your limiting beliefs. Please feel free

to contact me if you would like assistance with this. Call me on 0430 118 733 or

email me at [email protected]

Remember that any change takes courage, patience and time. I want to

congratulate you first off for having the courage, patience and time to read this

far. I know you are wondering about the effort all of

this is going to take, and that’s perfectly normal. My

advice to you is to do one thing at a time and master

that one thing before moving on to the next. If you

overload yourself then you will end up giving up and I

want you to experience all the amazing opportunities

that life has to offer. I want you to begin to know who

you truly are. You have the power because you are no

longer going to give it away!



CHAPTER 6 – Set goals and take action!

A great way to assist in boosting your self esteem levels is to set yourself goals

and then take the necessary steps to achieve them. It gives us a great feeling

when we achieve and gives us a real sense of pride. Start now and set yourself

some goals. They needn’t be big goals, in fact it may pay to set smaller goals to

begin with as otherwise you may be setting yourself up for disappointment if they

are too big, however make sure that your goal challenges you to some extent.

Decide what it is that you would like to achieve and then set out the steps you will

need to take to move you in the right direction and get you your desired

outcome. Goal setting is a detailed process and involves many things so I will

endeavour to take you through it as much as possible. If you would like a copy of

my DVD “How to create more success in your life” please email me

[email protected] or log onto my website at

www.yesucan4women.com.au This DVD will take you through a system for

setting goals.

EXERCISE

1. Gather up a pen and paper, an iPod with your favourite music, a glass of

wine or, whatever you require to relax you and get you in the right frame

of mind, and take all this to a place that inspires you. Think of your

favourite place (for me it’s the ocean) for you it could be a park, the

garden in your own back yard or a favourite room in your house.




2. Sit down comfortably, take a few deep breaths and centre yourself. Feel

yourself relaxing and when you are ready, start writing and brainstorming.

Write down anything that comes into your head no matter how bazaar or

way out it may seem.

3. Once you have finished your brainstorming exercise start to pick out ten of

your favourites (if you have ten), then narrow it down to three and place

the one of most importance at the top. This is the goal you will start with.

4. Take your number one goal and write at least seven actions you will take

starting now. These actions could be as simple as making a phone call or

researching on the net or reading a particular book. Anything to get you

moving in the right direction. Keep taking action until you reach your

outcome.


5. Speaking of outcomes. It is really important to know your outcome well.

Write down what your outcome will look like in great detail. Visualise it

morning and night or whenever you are able and act it out in your head as

often as possible. See yourself when you have achieved what you have set

out to do, notice what you are feeling and notice what you are telling

yourself and what others are saying. By doing this you are training your

unconscious mind to take it on and will have set off your RAS (Reticular

Activation System) and your unconscious mind will now be going in search

of what you want. The other benefit of knowing your outcome inside out

is that you are going to know exactly when you have reached your

outcome.

6. Re-evaluate and reassess how you are going on a regular basis and, if

necessary, make some adjustments. Practice being flexible and if

something isn’t working then find another way until you discover

something that does. Live and breathe your goal daily. Go to bed with it

and wake up with it. Write yourself an affirmation about it. Do whatever

it takes to achieve it.

"Goals. There's no telling what you can do when you get inspired by them.

There's no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There's no telling

what will happen when you act upon them.'

- Jim Rohn

http://www.achievementlibrary.com/jim-rohn.htm

http://www.achievementlibrary.com/jim-rohn.htm


There are many ways to implement goal setting and this is just one of them.

However the ‘musts’ of goal setting remain the same.

• Set your goal

• Take action

• Re-evaluate and reassess

• Know your outcome

If you would like a copy of my ‘goal setting worksheet’ please feel free to call me

or drop me an email [email protected]

Notice how it feels to set the wheels in motion and start taking charge of your life.

Notice what you are telling yourself and how you are acting. Notice that when

you start to make progress you find yourself in a happier frame of mind and are

more positive. Keep a journal and record your progress. Celebrate all your

achievements, big or small.

Begin now to live the life you desire, it is never too late. Let me share with you a

story I read recently about a women in her eighties who went back to university

to finish her degree. She said and I quote;

“There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.”

“If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year, and don’t do one

productive thing, you will turn twenty years old.”



“If I am eighty seven years old and stay in

bed for a year and never do anything, I

will turn eighty eight.”

“Anybody can grow older, that doesn’t

take any talent or ability. The idea is to

grow up by always finding the

opportunity in change.”

“Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but

rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with

regrets.”

These are the secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success.

• Laugh and find humour in every day

• Have a dream. When you lose your dreams you die. We have so many

people walking round who are dead and don’t even know it.

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY, GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL!

This woman finished her degree at university and died peacefully in her sleep one

week after graduation.


Think about what you would like to have achieved by your 90th birthday. What do

you want people to remember you for? Keep your eye on the goal and never give

up. Make the decision now to turn your life around.

It is possible and it is within you.

"There are only two roads that lead to something like human happiness. They

are marked by the words . . . love and achievement. . . . In order to be happy

oneself it is necessary to make at least one other person happy. . . . The secret of

human happiness is not in self-seeking but in self-forgetting."

- Dr. Theodor Reik


CHAPTER 7 – How to obtain self love, self respect, self worth, self regard and

self integrity

I have chosen to finish off with an article I wrote a while back. I believe that these

five qualities are essential in creating high self esteem and although we are all

aware of them, more often than not, we are unsure how to reach them.

How do you love yourself?

Firstly don’t be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself as you would your loved

ones or your best friend. You wouldn’t tell your loved ones or friends that they

are stupid and useless would you. You wouldn’t tell them that they aren’t

capable of achieving or that they are no good. Why is it then that we say these

things to ourselves? Monitor your ‘self talk’ and when you find you are talking to

yourself in a negative way, make a point of stopping in mid conversation and

changing what you are saying. For instance, if you wish to put your name forward

for a promotion but you hear yourself saying “I won’t get it because I am not

capable of such a position, I don’t know enough and I can’t do some of the stuff

involved.” Tell yourself instead; “I have worked hard and I deserve this

promotion, I am worthy and if aspects of the job are unfamiliar, I will endeavor to

learn what I don’t know.” Change your language at every opportunity and

remember that what you focus on, you will get. Start now to focus on positives

and on things you want to achieve in life. Get excited and develop passion!

When you are coming from this space, others will notice and will react to you in a

totally different way.


Lastly remember to be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you are not, just

because you wish to please or be loved. Live with congruency and value yourself

for who you are and what you do. Be kind to yourself.

‘Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your

dreams come true.’

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


How do we gain self respect?

You gain self respect by loving yourself. When you respect yourself, you admire

yourself for all your good qualities and achievements. You give yourself

consideration and attention and you treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

Think about how often you do this for yourself. List down 5 of your top

achievements, they don’t have to be huge they could be as small as smiling at a

stranger and giving them the gift of conversation. You would be surprised how

such a small gesture will really make someone’s day. I remember standing in the

checkout queue one day waiting for a young boy to count out all his change so he

could purchase 2 litres of milk and a large bar of chocolate (now I’m sure we can

all relate to how important chocolate is to a child, or to an adult for that matter!)

Anyway the boy ended up being a couple of dollars short. He looked nervous and

embarrassed so I handed the lady at the checkout a five dollar note, told her to

pay for the goods and give the change back to the boy. His face changed from

anxious to relieved and he gave me the biggest smile and thank you. All it cost

me was $5.00 and wow it was worth it. I was on cloud nine for a long time after

that and, even now, every time I think of it I smile and it gives me a good feeling. I

made that boy’s day, he made mine, and it felt great. For me that was one of my

top achievements and it didn’t take much. So you see, no matter how big or

small, list your 5 top achievements and study them, remember them, remember

how they made you feel, recall what you were thinking at the time and how

others were reacting. What were you telling yourself? Really take the time to

bask in the glory of your achievement and continue to tell yourself just how great

you were or how great the experience was. This is how you gain self respect.


‘Do the kinds of things that come from your heart. When you do you won’t be

dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, and you won’t be longing for someone else’s

things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back.’

- Morrie Schwartz


How do we achieve self worth?

You achieve self worth when you love and respect yourself. When you are able

to place a high value on yourself and see yourself as being useful and worthy of

the effort and time it takes to achieve and get results. You hold yourself to a

higher standard and believe, without a doubt, that you do deserve the best and

you do have great merit. Self worth comes through action and achievements. If

you have a goal that you wish to accomplish, take action and kick start the

process now! Go ahead make the decision. Stop procrastinating. Start with

taking baby steps to get you closer to your goal and after each baby step,

congratulate yourself. As I firmly believe, and you have probably heard me say a

number of times, happiness is progress. When you set the wheels in motion for

something you have wanted to do, excitement builds and you will develop

passion. It is important to celebrate your achievements no matter how big or

how small for you are worth it! When you acknowledge your achievements you

add to your self esteem and your ‘self’ worth. When you achieve you add to your

‘self’ respect. It all adds up.

‘Encouraged people achieve the best; dominated people achieve second best;

neglected people achieve the least’ - Anonymous

Hang around people that are willing to support and encourage you. You are who

you hang out with. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and people

who challenge you. These kinds of people will help you to be the best you can be.


How do we achieve self regard?

Look closely at yourself and take heed. Monitor all that you do. Ask yourself if it

is something you want to do or something you feel you have to do.

Granted we all have to do certain things in life such as housekeeping, gardening,

working etc but there are things that we don’t have to do. For instance, if a

colleague or friend requests a favour, do you immediately jump to it and say yes

because you feel you have to? These kinds of favours do not create good feelings

within you. They only add to a feeling of resentment and when resentment builds

we do not regard ourselves kindly especially if we end up exploding.

Learn how to say no. It is ok to say no. Practice saying no. It doesn’t have to be

said in an unkind way. There are ways of saying no that will be respected and

understood. Give time however for some to get used to the idea as initially it may

be taken the wrong way, especially if they have been used to you dropping

everything to attend to their needs. Be patient with them and try not to take any

negative comments to heart. They may need time to think about what they

perceive as rejection, however the more they see the new you, the quicker they

will get used to the new you.

Continue to look closely at yourself and tune in to how you are feeling at any

given time. Look closely at what makes you feel great, excited and passionate and

notice what you are doing or telling yourself at the time. Continue to look closely


at what makes you feel uncomfortable, upset or depressed and notice what is

happening in your world then. ‘A heavy heart can never be strong.’

Hold yourself in high regard at all times.

‘Don’t be too squeamish or timid in your actions. All of life is an experiment.’

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


How do we achieve self integrity?

Simply by being honest with ourselves, and with others, and by sticking with what

we truly believe. If for example honesty is one of your core values, you would be

losing your integrity by going against this value and being dishonest. Now, when I

talk about honesty, I’m discounting those little untruths. It’s unrealistic to expect

you not tell a few untruths or, little white lies, and I feel they do have their place

in our society. We tend to tell untruths, for instance, to save someone from

embarrassment or to help someone to feel better however, what I am talking

about is real honesty. Think about it and choose to make honesty and sticking by

your values, a necessary part of your character. You will have more respect, more

love, more worth and more regard for yourself if you practice this. If you are

unsure of what your values are, make a point of working them out because they

will give you such a great insight into who you are and why you do what you do.

One of my favourite aspects of what I do is helping others to work out their

values. It really can be life changing and is very rewarding.

If you find yourself struggling from time to time, don’t be too hard on yourself. If

you slip occasionally that’s ok. Awareness is the key and practice makes perfect.

Just check in with yourself every time you slip and make a point of correcting

yourself when able. With time it will become second nature. Decide now to

become truthful, trustworthy and true to yourself. It will make a big difference in

your life and the way you see yourself.

‘Decide on what you think is right and stick to it’ - George Elliot (1819-1880)


SUMMARY

• Treat yourself well and with kindness

• Make all self talk positive

• Be yourself

• Stop procrastinating and give your goals a kick start

• Honour your achievements and be generous with yourself and others

• Celebrate your achievements whether big or small

• Learn to say no

• Decide what gets you excited and passionate and what makes you feel

great and do more of it

• Decide what makes you feel uncomfortable, upset or depressed and do less

of it

• Practice being honest

‘A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song’

- Maya Angelou

In closing, I wish for you everything you desire. I sincerely hope that my

e-book has given you an insight into how to obtain high self esteem for

yourself and that it has given you some tools to help you to start living the life

of your dreams. The life you deserve.

Remember…………………’Change isn’t by chance, it’s by choice’


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Susan Briggs is the proud owner of ‘Yes U Can 4 Women.’ A business that was born from Susan’s desire to reach out and help as many women as possible to achieve the life they desire and the life they deserve.

Susan grew up in a small town on the North Island of New Zealand and is the youngest of three. Although her life growing up was pretty normal and, she has some wonderful memories of her childhood, she was painfully shy. Susan’s teenage years were filled with experiences and situations that greatly affected and added to her low self esteem. Looking back Susan recalls events that could easily have been avoided had she had the confidence and self assurance to say ‘no.’

It was many years later that Susan finally decided ‘enough was enough!’ She knew that if she was to really enjoy life and, live with purpose and passion many changes had to occur. It has been an 11 year personal development journey that has taken many twists and turns. What Susan has learnt and is continuing to learn has been life changing and she is now at a stage in her life where her self esteem is high and life’s challenges are looked upon as great learning’s. From this space Susan has created her dream in ‘Yes U Can 4 Women’ and her goal in life now is to help you to get the most out of your life.

Susan has experienced firsthand how very different life can be when you decide to rise above and take on the challenge to raise your levels of self esteem and master your confidence. It allows you the freedom to love who you are, to be true to yourself and to live the life that you deserve.

It is never too late to start!

[email protected] www.yesucan4women.com.au



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