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THE NORMAL ONE LIFE WITH A DIFFICULT OR

DAMAGED SIBLINGJEANNE SAFER, PH.D

PRESENTED BY M A L LO R Y K R O N I C K

PSYC 2103MONDAY/WEDNESDAY

4:20 PM

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WHO IS JEANNE SAFER, Ph.D. ?

PSYCHOTHERAP IST

R ICHARD BROOKH ISER

JUD ITH KAUFMAN

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ADDITIONAL BOOKS WRITTEN BY JEANNE

SAFER, PH.D.

T O P I C S O F H E R B O O K S DIFFICULT/DAMAGED

SIBLINGS FORGIVENESS PARENTING CHOICES DEALING WITH DEATH

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I traveled around a great deal…I would

have stopped,

but I was pursued by something. It always

came upon me

unawares…Then all at once my sister

touched my

shoulder. I turn around and look into her

eyes. Oh Laura,

Laura, I tried to leave you behind me, but I

am more faithful than I intended to be!

The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams

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1. What percentage of Americans have siblings?

85%

2. What is the Caliban Syndrome named after?

Shakespeare's The Tempest

3. Who named the Caliban Syndrome”?

Jeanne Safer

4. What are the four Caliban Syndrome Symptoms?

Premature maturity Survivor guilt Compulsion to

achieve Fear of contagion

THE “CALIBAN SYNDROME”

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JEANNE AND STEVEN AS CHILDREN

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What sensory and cognitive experiences set Jeanne Safer apart from the rest of us?

Brother was seven years older than her.

Jeanne’s brother Steven’s bedroom was in the attic.

I want to be just like you when I grow up, nevermind.

Did not think that having nothing of Steven’s was odd.

Jeanne’s mother only claimed that she had a daughter.

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WHAT MADE JEANNE’S BROTHER

DIFFERENT FROM HER?

S T E V E N WA S A :

P R O B L E M C H I L D A T S C H O O L O V E R W E I G H T

H A D T R O U B L E E X P R E S S I N G E M O T I O N S

D E V E L O P E D D I A B E T E S T A L E N T E D W I T H M U S I C , A N D

R E L A T I O N S H I P S O U T S I D E O F T H E H O M E

D I D N O T C O M P L E T E C O L L E G E

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WHAT DEVELOPMENT DID JEANNE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE

OF HER BROTHER? (COGNITIVE, PHYSICAL,

EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL, ETC.)

Premature maturity Survivor guilt Compulsion to achieve Fear of contagion

PROVIDE A DESCRIPTION OF THE JEANNE’S DEVELOPMENTShe grew up being positive for other people, but hard on herself. (COMPULSION TO ACHIEVE)

DREAMED OF BEING A PYSCHOTHERAPIST AS A CHILD (PRE MATURE MATURITY)

STEVEN FAILED BECAUSE OF HER (GUILT)

DID NOT WANT HER OWN CHILDREN BC OF HER BROTHER. (FEAR OF CONTAGION)

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Anxiety Ambiguity Relief

Depression Envy Uncertainty

Escaping Fear Overcompensation

Vanity Self-Criticism Perfectionism

AS JEANNE DEVELOPED, WHAT FEELINGS DID SHE EXPERIENCE?

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What research supports your theory on the developmental changes experienced by Jeanne Safer, and her brother Steven in your book?

• Study was called Differential Associations Between Domains of Sibling Conflict and Adolescent Emotional Adjustment

• Treatment about parental differential treatment versus issues regarding personal space

• If a personal domain conflict happened, then depression and anxiety was an issue stronger than parental differential treatment.

• Steven and Jeanne did not bond or communicate as they should have. • Steven had too much alone time, and alone space. • It was not just the parenting that caused Steven to have significant issues, but

also the space.

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Personal Items Brought Tears to Adult Jeanne Safer as an Adult

• Jeanne and Steven went to close up their parents home when they passed away.

• Steven did not want anything, but some items from a family trip.

• Jeanne explained that Steven still has the furniture from the room in the attic he had as a child.

• She wept, as an adult still about the way that Steven was treated.

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Do you agree or disagree with the disturbed development of both Jeanne and Steven?

• Steven’s leg had to be amputated, which offered estrangement (Separation) and disengagement (Freeing)

• The relationship was not improved, but instead it offered her and Steven Compassion.

IRONY in Compassion as an Adult

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Prevalence and predictors of risky and heavy alcohol consumption among adult siblings of childhood cancer survivors

• The study provided proof that self sabotage and guilt are presented when a normal sibling acknowledges the damaged siblings issues.

• The acknowledgement of the guilt led to heavier drinking in the siblings of the survivor, versus the cancer survivor themselves.

• Although, Jeanne did not turn to drinking like the case study she never felt happy or joyful about her accomplishments because of the guilt.

• As she got older, she was able to acknowledge and release her Survivors Guilt.

Even a few glasses of wine or cocktails a week may increase risk of recurrence for breast cancer survivors, researchers found.By CRYSTAL PHENDMedPage Today Staff Writer

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Jeanne Safer explains that recognizing Caliban allows the symptoms to diminish…• You allow children to be children, and nothing more.

• Self-blame becomes gratitude.

• Trying to earn your parents approval from your success is

less important than relaxing.

• Fear becomes acknowledgement, and it does not rule your

life.

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What is the most probable outcome for this person?

“When you fully acknowledge Caliban, you are no longer the normal one, the person who either repudiates or identifies with your damaged sibling more than you know; you are yourself.”

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References

Lown, E. K. (2013). Prevalence and Predictors of Risky and Heavy Alcohol Consumption Among Adult

Siblings of Childhood Cancer Survivors. Psycho-Oncology, 22(5), 1134-1143.

Campione-Barr, N. (2013). Differential Associations Between Domains of Sibling Conflict and Adolescent

Emotional Adjustment. Child Development, 84(3), 938-954.

Writer, C. (2009, December 12). Even Moderate Drinking Can Boost Chance of Breast Cancer Recurrence.

Retrieved November 30, 2014, from

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/OnCallPlusBreastCancerNews/moderate-drinking-linked-breast-

cancer-recurrence/story?id=9306082

Beck, A. (2012, December 2). Emotional Sibling Abuse PSA. Retrieved November 30, 2014, from

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbVijxXE-To

Safer, J. (2014, January 1). Welcome, readers and others who want to explore provocative ideas that are

rarely discussed but that have profound effects on our lives. Retrieved November 30, 2014,

from http://www.jeannesaferphd.com/

Safer, J. (2002). The normal one: Life with a difficult or damaged sibling. New York: Free Press.