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The proof is in the pudding.

Opening a copy o f The Mathematical

Intelligencer you may ask yoursel f

uneasily, "What is this a n y w a y - - a

mathematical journal, or what?" Or

you may ask, "Where am I?" Or e v e n

"Who a m I?" This sense o f disorienta-

tion is at its most acute when you

open to Colin Adams's column.

Relax. Breathe regularly. It's

mathematical, it's a h u m o r column,

and it may even be harmless.

Column editor's address: Colin Adams, Department of Mathematics, Bronfman Science Center, Williams College, Williamstown, MA 01267 USA e-mail: Colin.C.Adams@williams.edu

The Math Fall Fashion Preview

COLIN A D A M S

rturo: Good evening. I am Arturo Vincense, Italian fashion critic for La Taurus.

Katherine: And I am Katherine Delavoise, reporter on the style desk for Vogue. We're very excited to be host- ing one of the most important events of the season. Yes, we're at the Math- ematics Fall Fashion Preview. We will

be seeing the hottest new clothes from the epicenters of mathematical fashion. This is an event of Gaussian signifi- cance. Are you expecting some sur- prises, Arturo?

Arturo: Oh, yes. I certainly hope so. I love a good surprise.

Katherine: Look, Arturo, here comes the first depamnent . I see from the program this must be Harvard University.

Arturo: Yes, Katherine. This is a de- partment that does not take risks. Goes with the classics.

Katherine: Oh, yes I see. The button- down white shirt with slacks or jeans. Oh, but look at the drape.

Arturo: Yes, they are having a love af- fair with the fabric.

Katherine: And I see the chair is wear- ing a neck tie.

Arturo: Yes, it is a statement. It says look, look, I am in charge. He is not afraid to say, "I decide who teaches at 8:00 A.M." It's brash in that understated Harvard way.

Katherine: And look, Arturo, here comes Berkeley.

Arturo: We should expect a few pairs of Birkenstocks here, a West Coast ver-

sion of mathwear. But you will see them with athletic socks.

Katherine: Yes, and I see a t-shirt or two. The message is,"We are Berkeley. We do it our way."

Arturo: Yes. Notice they are from Cali- fornia, but there isn't a tan in the bunch. It's work, work, work for them.

Katherine: Mathematical fashion has had its ups and downs over the years, hasn't it Arturo? Who can forget the plastic pocket protector craze of the early '60s. It was de rigueur at the time. And of course the short-sleeved white but ton-down that dominated the late '60s. Is there any single item that dom- inates the math scene these days?

Arturo: Not really, Katherine. Mathe- maticians are expressing themselves freely. They are saying, "I am an indi- vidual. I do sheaf cohomology and I am proud of it."

Katherine: I see. Some of them look quite unkempt.

Arturo: Yes, it is intentional. They want you to know, "I am not concerned enough with human society to comb my hair. My brain thinks only abstract thoughts." That sort of thing. Look Katherine, coming down the runway. It's the Princeton University Mathemat- ics Department. Look at that strut. They know who they are, and they want you to know it too. This group is not afraid to be bold.

Katherine: Oh, I see what you mean Ar- turo. They walk with such confidence.

Arturo: Yes, this is what makes math fashion so influential. This is the only academic discipline where the individ- uals know they are right. They can even prove it. What would the fashion in- dustry do without them?

Katherine: Look, some wide wale cor- duroys. If I 'm not mistaken, they are brushed against the nap.

Arturo: Yes, Katherine, this is not your typical math department. They are will- ing to go out on a limb.

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Katherine: Look at the pose the chair has struck. With his lips pouting. They are clearly enjoying themselves out there. And I see there are some sweaters returning with the fall. Moth holes are optional.

Arturo: And notice, Katherine, how the mathematicians are getting creative with the socks. I 've already seen black, brown, and white today, and one with navy on one foot, grey on the other. That is why mathematics remains the center of fashion sense today. It is that willingness to take risks.

Katherine: Yes, Arturo, it's a statement. I 'm not sure what the statement is, but it's a statement.

Arturo: The only word that fits is im- petuous.

Katherine: Arturo, how many of these outfits are off the rack and how many are created by name designers?

Arturo: Katherine, all of them are from designers. These ideas are so clever, the details so subtle. Only someone with a sublime eye could possibly pull these elements together.

Katherine: Do you mean Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, or Bill Blass?

Arturo: No, I mean Felix Klein, Pierre Laurent, and Hyman Bass.

Katherine: Oh, here comes Oberwol- fach, mathwear with a German slant. There 's more in the way of woolens . Look how they come down the runway, as if they are just learning to walk. Per- haps they have been stuffed in tiny sem- inar rooms all day.

Arturo: Or at least that is what they would like you to believe, Katherine. Oh, look, that seam there, r ipped un-

der the arm. This is incredible. And see how she pre tends not to know the tear is there. Her head is in a cloud.

Katherine: Arturo, there seems to be a swing away from the sneakers that so dominated the mathematical footwear of the '80s. It's a return to leather, brown, or black.

Arturo: Yes, Katherine. To quote Felix Browder, "The baby boomers have fi- nally grown up. They want to look like Hilbert."

Katherine: And here is Cambridge Uni- versity. No academic robes?

Arturo: No, it's a s tudied casual look for the Fall. A look that says, "To hell with ceremony, we have great theorems."

Katherine: There look, is that a dress?

Arturo: Yes, young w o m e n are rebelling against the obligatory jeans and slacks that were standard wear for w o m e n in mathematics for 20 years. They are say- ing, "We prove our own theorems, we can wear our own clothes."

Katherine: Now what about mathemat- ical sleepwear? What 's the latest there?

arturo: We have seen a movement away from pajamas and onesies to the t-shirt, usually ratty and often with a mathematical theme printed on it, such as a conference announcement or a fractal picture. This is normally worn with jockies or boxers.

Katherine: Am I mistaken or is there a lot of facial hair on the male algebraic topologists?

Arturo: No, Katherine, you are exactly right. The male algebraic topologists rel- ish the oppor tuni ty to stroke a beard as they contemplate spectral sequences.

Katherine: And here is the Institute for Advanced Study. Note the dark colors. They are researchers, not teachers, so they needn ' t worry about chalk dust ru- ining a look. Can I ask you? What keeps their pants up? Those slacks are hang- ing so low on the waist. It seems a miracle.

Arturo: They must pin them up from the inside before the show. But how in- genious it is. As if they needn ' t abide by any laws, including gravity.

Katherine: Look, there is an oversized calculator hanging from that belt there.

Arturo: Katherine, it is a retro statement, a return to the '70s. How exquisite.

Katherine: Arturo, otherwise, I haven' t not iced much in the way of accessories today. Why is that?

Arturo: Well, Katherine, mathematicians learn to be concise in their writing. That is reflected in their style. They tend not to embellish. Clean lines, monochro- matic fabrics. They are taking their cue from the pos tmodern industrial mini- malism, which itself grew out of the Arts and Craft furniture movement at the turn of the century. But it has a dis- tinctly mathematical twist.

Katherine: Well, I see the show is com- ing to an end. The audience is on its feet, whistling and c lapping vigorously. We should see the impact from Milan to GOttingen. I want to thank you, Ar- turo, for joining us today at what was one of the most exciting events of the Fall, sure to keep us buzzing for months to come. For all of you watching, stay tuned for a special about the Baker 's Transformation on the "Cooking with Bob Devaney Show," as we continue round-the-clock broadcast ing at the Math Channel. Thanks for tuning in.

26 THE MATHEMATICAL INTELLIGENCER