The Healthy Family Step PlanThe Healthy Family Step Plan

Author: Prof Paula BarrettPathways Health and Research Centre: www.pathwayshrc.com.au

© Copyright entire contents Dr. Paula Barrett 2012

General PrinciplesGeneral Principles• Self-Awareness: getting to know yourself, Self-Awareness: getting to know yourself,

your patterns, your sensitivities, will help your patterns, your sensitivities, will help in regulation.in regulation.

• Changing Habits: it takes time to change Changing Habits: it takes time to change psychological and physical habits – usually psychological and physical habits – usually 2-3 months.2-3 months.

• Reciprocal Skills: all skills need to be Reciprocal Skills: all skills need to be practiced by all family members (top practiced by all family members (top down and bottom up through the system).down and bottom up through the system).

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Health & WellbeingHealth & Wellbeing

Lack of sleep affects:Lack of sleep affects:• Immune SystemImmune System• Brain DevelopmentBrain Development• School/work PerformanceSchool/work Performance• Athletic PerformanceAthletic Performance• Irritability/BehaviourIrritability/Behaviour• Anxiety/DepressionAnxiety/Depression

SleepSleep – Healthy Eating – Being Active – Healthy Eating – Being Active

One hour before bedtime:One hour before bedtime:•Reduce stimulation - avoid lights, Reduce stimulation - avoid lights, excitement, computer games, TVexcitement, computer games, TV•Focus on relaxingFocus on relaxing•Take a warm bathTake a warm bath•When in bed, read or listen to quiet When in bed, read or listen to quiet musicmusic

Health & WellbeingHealth & WellbeingSleepSleep – Healthy Eating – Being Active – Healthy Eating – Being Active

Sleep RoutinesSleep Routines

How Much Sleep?How Much Sleep?• 12 months old - 14.5 hours12 months old - 14.5 hours• 2 years old - 13 hours2 years old - 13 hours• 5 years old - 11 hours5 years old - 11 hours• 10 years old - 10 hours10 years old - 10 hours• 16 years old – 9.25 hours16 years old – 9.25 hours• Adults – 8 to 9 hours minimumAdults – 8 to 9 hours minimum

Health & WellbeingHealth & WellbeingSleepSleep – Healthy Eating – Being Active – Healthy Eating – Being Active

• Over time we develop strong dietary Over time we develop strong dietary habits, resulting in “physiological habits, resulting in “physiological settings”settings”

• 2 major goals: reduce sugars and 2 major goals: reduce sugars and switch from whites to browns.switch from whites to browns.

• We need to combine diet with We need to combine diet with exercise (1 hr/day)exercise (1 hr/day)

Health & WellbeingHealth & WellbeingSleep – Sleep – Healthy Eating Healthy Eating – Being Active– Being Active

RecommendationsRecommendations• Mornings: reduce white breads as Mornings: reduce white breads as

too many fast-release sugars.too many fast-release sugars.• During the day eat variety of During the day eat variety of

nutritious foods.nutritious foods.• Evening: reduce sugars, calcium + Evening: reduce sugars, calcium +

magnesium induce relaxation magnesium induce relaxation (bananas in yoghurt)(bananas in yoghurt)

Health & WellbeingHealth & WellbeingSleep – Sleep – Healthy EatingHealthy Eating – Being Active – Being Active

• At least 1 hour per dayAt least 1 hour per day• Exercise increases release of Exercise increases release of

serotonin in the brain and serotonin in the brain and endorphins in your blood streamendorphins in your blood stream

• Bike riding, swimming, walking, Bike riding, swimming, walking, running, roller blading, jog, etc.running, roller blading, jog, etc.

Health & WellbeingHealth & WellbeingSleep – Healthy Eating – Sleep – Healthy Eating – Being ActiveBeing Active

• Periods of time with low stimulation – Periods of time with low stimulation – spend time in quiet, calm places.spend time in quiet, calm places.• Include relaxation, self soothing and Include relaxation, self soothing and self-regulation activities.self-regulation activities.• Increased quiet time = less need to use time out.Increased quiet time = less need to use time out.• Quiet time after school improves productivity and quality Quiet time after school improves productivity and quality

of work.of work.• Important for parents and teachers to model rest and Important for parents and teachers to model rest and

quiet time.quiet time.

2. Preventative Strategies2. Preventative Strategies

Preventative StrategiesPreventative StrategiesQuiet Time Quiet Time – Descriptive Praise – Positive Modelling– Descriptive Praise – Positive Modelling

• When you describe the behaviour and praise, When you describe the behaviour and praise, it will be repeated.it will be repeated.

• 2 parts: describe the behaviour and how it 2 parts: describe the behaviour and how it makes you feel.makes you feel.

• e.g. “When you get yourself ready for school it e.g. “When you get yourself ready for school it makes me feel so proud.”makes me feel so proud.”

• Make this reciprocal – husbands praise wives, Make this reciprocal – husbands praise wives, wives praise husbands, partners praise wives praise husbands, partners praise partners, kids praise parents, parents praise partners, kids praise parents, parents praise kids, etc.kids, etc.

Preventative StrategiesPreventative StrategiesQuiet Time – Quiet Time – Descriptive Praise Descriptive Praise – Positive Modelling– Positive Modelling

2. Preventative Strategies2. Preventative Strategies

Preventative StrategiesPreventative Strategies

• Praise children for brave behaviours Praise children for brave behaviours immediately – notice the absence of immediately – notice the absence of undesirable behaviours.undesirable behaviours.

• Describe in detail what you like Describe in detail what you like about the behaviour.about the behaviour.

• Be specific with feedback.Be specific with feedback.• Do not reinforce avoidance Do not reinforce avoidance

behaviours.behaviours.

Quiet Time – Quiet Time – Descriptive Praise Descriptive Praise – Positive Modelling– Positive Modelling

Catch child being braveCatch child being brave

2. Preventative Strategies2. Preventative Strategies

Modelling Positive BehavioursModelling Positive Behaviours

• Children respond to events as they have seen their Children respond to events as they have seen their parents respond to them.parents respond to them.

• Model approach behaviours for difficult situations Model approach behaviours for difficult situations rather than avoidance.rather than avoidance.

• Model positive coping – taking quiet time, praising each Model positive coping – taking quiet time, praising each other, using step plans to solve problems etc.other, using step plans to solve problems etc.

• Encourage the same with children using positive self-Encourage the same with children using positive self-talk.talk.

• Describe explicitly what you are doing to cope – Describe explicitly what you are doing to cope – increase your child’s self-esteem by asking for their increase your child’s self-esteem by asking for their advice.advice.

Quiet Time – Descriptive Praise – Quiet Time – Descriptive Praise – Positive ModellingPositive Modelling

2. Preventative Strategies2. Preventative Strategies

Compassion and community voluntary service as a family/schoolCompassion and community voluntary service as a family/school

• The ability to feel what other living creatures The ability to feel what other living creatures are feeling.are feeling.

• To care for the well being of our environment, in To care for the well being of our environment, in which we are all interconnected.which we are all interconnected.

• Lack of empathy towards animals in early Lack of empathy towards animals in early childhood is one of the early signs of childhood is one of the early signs of psychopathy in adulthood, therefore it is very psychopathy in adulthood, therefore it is very important to teach children empathy towards important to teach children empathy towards all living creatures.all living creatures.

EmpathyEmpathyEmpathy for all Living Beings (People, Animals, Nature)Empathy for all Living Beings (People, Animals, Nature)

Developmental ReadinessDevelopmental Readiness

• Society often has unrealistic Society often has unrealistic expectations about what children expectations about what children can or should be doing.can or should be doing.

• Children are stressed and Children are stressed and overworked from an early age.overworked from an early age.

• We need to look at other countries We need to look at other countries – start school at 7yo, have a gap – start school at 7yo, have a gap year between Yr 12 and university.year between Yr 12 and university.

Specific Developmental NeedsSpecific Developmental Needs

Must consider:Must consider:• Gender, culture, learning issuesGender, culture, learning issues• Cognitive: differences in verbal and Cognitive: differences in verbal and

maths. maths. • Motor: boys ahead on gross motor Motor: boys ahead on gross motor

skills + girls ahead on fine motor skills + girls ahead on fine motor skills.skills.

• Social and emotional development: Social and emotional development: boys typically 2 years behind girlsboys typically 2 years behind girls

Developmental ReadinessDevelopmental Readiness

RoutinesRoutines • All children need routines and All children need routines and rituals. rituals.

• Three major reasons:Three major reasons:– Emotional containmentEmotional containment– ControllabilityControllability– PredictabilityPredictability

Parenting SkillsParenting SkillsRoutinesRoutines – Cohesion – Consistency – Cohesion – Consistency

• Before school: breakfast, getting self Before school: breakfast, getting self ready, relaxing time.ready, relaxing time.

• After school: take to park for arvo tea & After school: take to park for arvo tea & fun time and then homework (if any).fun time and then homework (if any).

• Family dinner time: talk about day Family dinner time: talk about day (positives & challenges), no T.V.(positives & challenges), no T.V.

• Night: quiet time, relaxing, sleep routine.Night: quiet time, relaxing, sleep routine.

Ideal RoutineIdeal Routine

Parenting SkillsParenting SkillsRoutines Routines – Cohesion – Consistency – Cohesion – Consistency

• It takes time for your biological It takes time for your biological clock to change if there are sleep clock to change if there are sleep disruptionsdisruptions

• There needs to be a very There needs to be a very calming/stable routine at night.calming/stable routine at night.

• Eat a light meal, have a warm Eat a light meal, have a warm bath, relaxation and practise bath, relaxation and practise mindfulness activitiesmindfulness activities

Parenting SkillsParenting SkillsRoutinesRoutines – Cohesion – Consistency – Cohesion – Consistency

• Cohesion, either:Cohesion, either:– Decide from start to divide tasks and back Decide from start to divide tasks and back

each other, OReach other, OR– Rule jointly and compromise on Rule jointly and compromise on

everything.everything.• Parents need to maintain a united front with Parents need to maintain a united front with

the children.the children.• Cohesion across authority systems (e.g. Cohesion across authority systems (e.g.

family, work, school, etc) & model following family, work, school, etc) & model following rules (e.g., driving).rules (e.g., driving).

Parenting SkillsParenting SkillsRoutines – Routines – CohesionCohesion – Consistency – Consistency

• Consistency (at least 60% of Consistency (at least 60% of the time) – what you decide on the time) – what you decide on Monday must be same as your Monday must be same as your decision on Fridaydecision on Friday

• Decide on 4-5 key rulesDecide on 4-5 key rules• 2-3 compulsory family times2-3 compulsory family times

Parenting SkillsParenting SkillsRoutines – Cohesion – Routines – Cohesion – Consistency Consistency

Planned IgnoringPlanned Ignoring

• Prioritise the important behaviours you wish to see Prioritise the important behaviours you wish to see and encourage.and encourage.

• Choose 5 family goals (1 handful)Choose 5 family goals (1 handful) For example:For example: - Be Kind (to others, animals & nature)- Be Kind (to others, animals & nature) - Be Safe- Be Safe - Eat family meals together at table- Eat family meals together at table - Monitoring: telling each other where you are - Monitoring: telling each other where you are

- Help others - Help others

Planned Ignoring cont…Planned Ignoring cont…• Other challenging behaviours need to be put on Other challenging behaviours need to be put on

planned ignoring, otherwise everyone becomes planned ignoring, otherwise everyone becomes overwhelmedoverwhelmed

• Examples of some of the behaviours we would ignore Examples of some of the behaviours we would ignore intentionally would be: Constant whinging/whining, intentionally would be: Constant whinging/whining, crying for no reason, sulking, making ongoing crying for no reason, sulking, making ongoing demands (teenagers), etc.demands (teenagers), etc.

• Important for all childrenImportant for all children– Acting outActing out– Anxious (e.g., not giving attention to complaining)Anxious (e.g., not giving attention to complaining)

• Listen once, validate, and then talk about solutions.Listen once, validate, and then talk about solutions.

Rewards ChartsRewards Charts• Work on one or two behaviours maximum at Work on one or two behaviours maximum at

a time.a time.• First, select the behaviour with greatest First, select the behaviour with greatest

chance of success.chance of success.• Break down into morning and afternoon Break down into morning and afternoon

sections on chart – the younger the child the sections on chart – the younger the child the more rewards during day (e.g. a.m., morning more rewards during day (e.g. a.m., morning tea, lunch, arvo tea, bedtime).tea, lunch, arvo tea, bedtime).

• Continue even after goals are achieved to Continue even after goals are achieved to ensure maintenance.ensure maintenance.

• Phase out rewards – every time, every 2Phase out rewards – every time, every 2ndnd time, random. time, random.

• Praise child for trying, not for being perfect!Praise child for trying, not for being perfect!

Contract with TeenagersContract with Teenagers

• Used to mediate conflict Used to mediate conflict between children and parents.between children and parents.

• Parents and child’s views are at Parents and child’s views are at extreme ends and needs to find extreme ends and needs to find a compromise a compromise

• Agree to contract with all Agree to contract with all partiesparties

• Include consequences for all Include consequences for all parties if contract not followed.parties if contract not followed.

• Keep contract short period Keep contract short period (e.g.. max. 2 months then (e.g.. max. 2 months then review)review)

Family Time OutFamily Time Out• Try quiet time first to help Try quiet time first to help

everyone calm down.everyone calm down.• Don’t use as shaming technique Don’t use as shaming technique

for a child but as a reciprocal for a child but as a reciprocal family strategy. family strategy.

• 2 goals: to calm down and to 2 goals: to calm down and to think of solutions.think of solutions.

• Describe: “everyone is getting Describe: “everyone is getting upset so let’s all take some time upset so let’s all take some time out to calm down and think of out to calm down and think of ways to resolve the problem”ways to resolve the problem”

Withdrawal of PrivilegesWithdrawal of Privileges

• To be used sparingly. To be used sparingly. • Give warning beforehand to let Give warning beforehand to let

them know what rule they are them know what rule they are breaking and the rationale.breaking and the rationale.

• Be descriptive with Be descriptive with consequences and what they consequences and what they have done wrong.have done wrong.

Withdrawal of PrivilegesWithdrawal of Privilegescontinued….continued….• Remove privileges the child values Remove privileges the child values

such as use of mobile phone, such as use of mobile phone, watching TV, playing on a computer, watching TV, playing on a computer, pocket money, eating desert, face pocket money, eating desert, face book, etc.book, etc.

• Social and physical activities are Social and physical activities are important; avoid taking these away .important; avoid taking these away .

• Match the punishment to the crime Match the punishment to the crime and ensure it is developmentally and ensure it is developmentally appropriate.appropriate.

Parental HappinessParental Happiness‘‘Getting a life’Getting a life’•3 times: 3 times: family time, couple time and family time, couple time and alone timealone time•Couple time: Couple time: fun, quality time for fun, quality time for relationship (regular dates)relationship (regular dates)•Alone time: Alone time: cultivate friendships and cultivate friendships and interests outside the marriage; follow your interests outside the marriage; follow your passion.passion.•You are model for child!You are model for child!

Mindfulness/AwarenessMindfulness/Awareness• Being attentive to your surroundingsBeing attentive to your surroundings• Being aware of what is in the here and nowBeing aware of what is in the here and now• Being aware of and enjoying all of your Being aware of and enjoying all of your

sensessenses• Paying full attention to what you see, hear, Paying full attention to what you see, hear,

smell, feel and taste and embracing your smell, feel and taste and embracing your surroundings with all of you sensessurroundings with all of you senses

• Being non-judgemental – Being non-judgemental – ‘things just are’‘things just are’

7. Mindfulness/Awareness7. Mindfulness/Awareness

Coming SoonComing Soon

Resilient Families: Proven Resilient Families: Proven Effective Easy StepsEffective Easy Steps

By Prof Paula BarrettBy Prof Paula Barrett

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THANK YOU!THANK YOU!

Pathways Health and Research CentrePathways Health and Research Centre

www.pathwayshrc.com.auEmail: info@pathwayshrc.com.au

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