the geeky chef cookbook : unofficial recipes from doctor who, game of thrones, harry potter, and...
TRANSCRIPT
UnofficialRecipesfromDoctorWho,GameofThrones,HarryPotter,andmoreReal-LifeRecipesforYourFavoriteFantasy
Foods
CassandraReeder,theGeekyChef
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
BEVERAGES:NON-ALCOHOLIC
BEVERAGES:ALCOHOLIC
SNACKSANDAPPETIZERS
SOUPSANDSTEWS
ENTRÉES
CAKESANDCUPCAKES
DESSERTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUTTHEAUTHOR
INDEX
INTRODUCTION
Soyou’reageek,anerd,aneo-maxi-zoom-dweebie.Or,youknow,maybeyoudon’tlikelabelsandyou’rejustreallyintosci-fi.That’scool.I’mjustguessinghere,butyouprobablyalsoliketoeat.Great!Thenthisbookisforyou.
Generally,thekindofpeoplewhoacquirethelabelslistedabove,inadditiontobeingwickedsmartandperhapsexperiencingacertainamountofsocialdiscomfort,tendtohaveapassionforapieceofworkthatconsumesthem.Myblog,TheGeekyChef,wasthelovechildofthatintensenerdpassionandmyfondnessforcooking.
Really,Ihavealwayshadafascinationwithfoodinfiction.WhenIwassixyearsold,IenlistedmybigbrothertohelpmemakeTreeStarcookiesafterwatchingDonBluth’sTheLandBeforeTime.IalsomadeUnicornHairSoupafterreadingthewonderfulYAnovelEllaEnchantedwhenIwasslightlyolder.Icouldreallygoonandonwiththeseexamples,butthetippingpointthatinspiredTheGeekyChefactuallystartedwithaZeldagame.
ItwasadarkandstormywinternightinSanFrancisco.No,really!I’mnotmakingthatupforatmosphere.Theyearwas2008.Mythen-boyfriend(nowfiancé,andsoon-to-behusband)andIwereplayingTheLegendofZelda:TwilightPrincess.Incaseyouwerewondering,weareabletoplaysingle-playergamestogetherbecausewehavedevelopedasystemwhereIdothepuzzlesandhefightsthebosses,whichisnotunlikehowwehandlemostobstaclesinreallife.
ThelevelwewereonwascalledtheSnowpeakRuins,whichisbasicallythisgiantabandonedmansionoccupiedbytwoyetis.Tocompletethispartofthegame,Linkmustcollectingredientstomakeasouptohealthefemaleyeti.Theingredientsareafish,apumpkin,andgoatcheese.Whenyousuccessfullylocate
ingredientsareafish,apumpkin,andgoatcheese.Whenyousuccessfullylocatealloftheseitemsandaddthemtothesoup,yougetaconsumablecalledSuperbSoup.Atthatpointintime,myfiancéandIhadbeenlivingalmostexclusivelyonramenandcereal,somaybeitwasmalnourishmentspeaking,butthatsoupsoundedsogoodtome.IdecidedasaspecialtreatthatIwasgoingtomakeYeto’sSuperbSoupforThanksgiving.
SoIhituptheoldsearchengineslookingforarecipe,fullyexpectingsomeonetohavethoughtofthisalready.Thegamewasacoupleofyearsoldatthatpoint,but,alas,tomysurpriseanddisappointment,therewasnothing.Atthattime,theInternetwasn’tquitewhatitisnow,andthoughthereweresomesiteswithfiction-inspiredrecipes,theyweremostlydedicatedtosomethingspecific:primarilyHarryPotterandTheLordoftheRings.SoIdecidedthata)IwasgoingtoscratchmyownitchandmakethewebsiteIwaslookingfor,andb)IwastotallygoingtomakemyownrecipeforYeto’sSuperbSoup.Intheend,thisworkedoutprettywellforme.
Nowmyhumblelittlebloghasitsowncookbook.Thisstillsortablowsmymind,andIhaveyouguystothankforit.Thankyoutoeveryonewhobuysthisbook,andthankyoutoeverynerdwhostumbledonmyblogwhilesearchingforaLembasBreadrecipe,andthankyouforeverysuggestionthathelpedmediscovernewgeekythingstolove.Allofyoumadeoneofmybiggestdreamscometrue.
AsalittlegirlIalwaysexpectedthatonedayadventurewouldhappentome—somedayatornadowouldwhiskmeawaytoOz,orI’dfalldownarabbithole,orDavidBowiewouldkidnapmeandtakemetohislabyrinthwherehe’dsingmesongsandfeedmemagicpeaches.(IstillsortawishDavidBowiewouldkidnapme,butthat’sbesidethepoint.)AsIgetolder,Irealizeyouhavetomakeadventurehappenforyourself.Ihopethiscookbookhelpsyou,dearreader,tomakesometastyadventuresforyourself—andmaybethrowsomereallyawesomeLARPparties.
Andifyouhappentobethearchitectbehindanyoftheworksthatinspiredtheserecipes:Hi,Iloveyou,pleasedon’tsueme!Iamafan,andmygoalhereistohelpotherfansenjoyyourworkevenmorebygivingthematasteofyourimagination.Iratherhopethatthisbookwillhelppeopletodiscovernewgeekythingstolove,aswritingthisbookhasdoneforme.Ifyou’reDavidBowie,callthepublisherformyaddress…
ANOTEONCOOKINGANDINGREDIENTS
Cookingislikeanadventure:there’sanendgoalinmindbutitisthejourneythatmakestheendmeaningful.You’llnoticethatIleavealotofroomfor
thatmakestheendmeaningful.You’llnoticethatIleavealotofroomforchoicesandthatsomeoftheingredientshaverangedamounts.ThisisbecauseIwanttoencourageyoutofollowyourowninstinctswhencooking.IfyouthinkyouneedfewerpeopleinyourSoylentGreenorjustabitmorepainandregretinyourPanGalacticGargleBlaster,tryit!Makesubstitutions,addtheingredientsyouwishwerethere,includemoreofthisandlessofthat.Cookingisrarelyaprecisescience,andit’saddingyourindividualtouchthatmakesthefoodgood.
IguesswhatI’msayingisplaywithyourfood!Experimentationishowyoulearnandgrow.Whenindoubt,Googleit!
Duetothenatureofthisbook,someoftheingredientsarealittle“outthere,”aswe’redealingintherealmsofsciencefictionandfantasy.I’vetriedtolimitrareingredientsandsuppliesneededasmuchaspossible.Withafewexceptions,mostoftheingredientsandsuppliescanbefoundatanygenericgrocerystoreorliquorstore.Thosethatcan’t,canbefoundthroughonlinevendors.
BEVERAGES:Non-Alcoholic
StarWars:BLUEMILKDragonridersofPern:KLAH
VariousVideoGames:REDPOTIONHarryPotter:BUTTERBEER
TheLegendofZelda:LONLONMILKFuturama:SLURM
Vampires(ingeneral):BLOOD
INSPIREDBYSTARWARS
BLUEMILK
Alright,youscruffy-lookingnerfherders,thisisthemostwell-knownfoodintheStarWarsuniverse,which,bytheway,hasamarkedlackofcanonicalfood.ButIcouldn’tmakeageekycookbookwithoutincludingsomethingfromStarWars…thatwouldjustbewrong.OtherwiseknownasBanthaMilkorTatooineMilk,thisisthemysteriousbeveragethatLukeSkywalkerandhisauntanduncleareseendrinkingatbreakfast,rightbeforeLuke’sadventuresbegininStarWarsEpisodeIV:ANewHope.ThedrinkhasappearedincountlessStarWarsgames,books,andmoviessince.FormoreStarWars-inspiredrecipes,including“WookieCookies,”checkouttheofficialcookbook.
Iknowthisrecipesoundsabitstrange,buthaveyouseenaBantha?Theylooklikeacrossbetweenamammoth,aram,andagarbagetruck.I’veseenalotofStarWarsfanstryingtogettheirLukeSkywalkeronjustbyaddingbluefoodcoloringtotheirmilk.That’sgreat,butIwantedtotakeitonestepfurtherandmakethisbeveragetastelikeitcouldactuallybemilkfromabizarrecreaturelivinginagalaxyfar,faraway.So,thegoatmilkgivesitasortofunusualnot-the-cow-milk-we-all-know-and-lovequality,andtheavocadoaddssomeadditionalproteinandthickness.Theotheringredientsmakeitpalatable—morethanpalatable.Ithinkittastesquitenice.Ofcourse,othermilkscanbesubstitutedifyou’revegan/allergic/grossedoutbygoats.
SERVES1
1cup(235ml)goat’smilk(othermilkscanbesubstituted)2tablespoonsavocado2tablespoonsblueberrysyrup1scoopvanillaicecream4–5dropsbluefooddye
1UsetheForcetoblendallingredientstogether.Orablender.
2Pourintoyourcupofchoice.
3Enjoy!
INSPIREDBYDRAGONRIDERSOFPERN
KLAH
DragonridersofPernisaseriesofscience-fictionnovelswrittenbyAnneMcCaffreyandoccasionallyherson,ToddMcCaffrey.Pernistheplanetonwhichtheseriestakesplace.Periodically,theplanetisthreatenedbyThreadfall,whichiscausedbyanotherrogueplanetinthesolarsystempassingcloseenoughtoPerntoraindowndestructivesporesontheplanet.TheonlycreaturesthatcandestroytheThreadaregeneticallyengineeredsentientdragonsthathavetheabilitytoteleportthroughtimeandspace.Thesedragonscomeinvarioussizesandcolorsandallformapsychicbondwithhumanridersfrombirth.Ifyou’reintodragonsandwanttoseeadifferenttakeonthemythicalcreatures,Ihighlyrecommendthesebooks.Ifyou’renotintodragons,whatthehelliswrongwithyou?Dragonsaremagnificent!
So,Klahisahot,invigorating,andspicydrinkmadefromtreebarkandisenjoyedbyallofthePernese.Ithasapungent,spicytastewithnotesofchocolateandcinnamon.Itcanbetakenwithsomemilkorcream,orevenliquor.IntheworldofPern,peopleareasaddictedtoKlahaswearetocoffee.Theyseemtodrinkitatalmosteverymealandoccasion.Honestly,I’msurprisedtheydon’thaveaStarbucksequivalentforKlahlattesandKlahfrappuccinos…pumpkinspiceKlah,decaficedKlah,non-fatKlahlattewithtwopumpsofcaramel,nowhip…Okay,I’mdone.
SERVES1
1cup(235ml)brewedcoffee(instantormadeusingamachine)1ounce(28g)bittersweetdarkchocolatePinchcayennepowderPinchallspice1cinnamonstick
Pinchallspice1cinnamonstickSplashofcreamand/orliquortoserve(optional)
1Whilethecoffeeisbrewing,blastthedarkchocolateintheservingcupinthemicrowaveonhighfor60seconds.
2Addthecayenneandallspicetothemeltedchocolateinthecup.
3Pourthehotcoffeeontothemeltedchocolateandspicesinthecup.
4Stireverythingtogetherwiththecinnamonstick.
5Enjoyplainorwithasplashofcreamand/orliquor!
INSPIREDBYVARIOUSVIDEOGAMES
REDPOTION
Theredpotion,“healthpotion,”or“healingpotion”isastapleinvideogames,especiallyRPGs.Ithasappearedinsuchvideo-gamegiantsasTheLegendofZelda,WorldofWarcraft,Diablo,Minecraft,andUltima.Generally,thered-coloredpotionrestoresthedepletedhealthofthecharacterthatconsumesit.
IconsideredmakingthepotionalcoholicbutitseemedtomethatitwouldnotbeusefulforLinkoranyothercharactertogetsloppyinthemiddleoffightingevilandsavingtheworld.Thetasteandconsistencyoftheredpotionisunknownasitisrarely,ifever,discussedinanygame.Allthatweknowforsureisthatitisgenerallybothredandhealthy.Thisrecipeusesamultitudeofdifferentfruitsknownfortheirrichvitamincontentandantioxidantproperties,aswellasalittlebitofginger—whichisknowntoeasemusclepainandactsasananti-inflammatory—tocreateaconcoctionthatisveryredandwillcertainlyfillupyourlifebar.
SERVES2–3
1cup(235ml)cranberryapplejuice1/2cup(55g)frozensweetdarkcherries1/4cup(60g)frozenraspberries1/4cup(40g)cubedwatermelon
Handfuloffrozenmangochunks1teaspoonfreshginger,mincedRedfooddye(optional,toenhancecolor)
1Putalltheingredientsintoablenderandblenduntilsmooth.
2Pourintoapotionbottleandenjoy!
INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTERANDTUDORTIMES
BUTTERBEER
HarryPotterisalmostuniversallyadored.ThereleaseofTheSorcerer’sStonein1997beganareadingrevolutionamongyoungpeople,thoughHarryPotter’scharmseemstoaffecthumansofallages.HarryPotterchangedeverything,notonlyinliteraturebutalsointhemindsofageneration.
Unsurprisingly,theHarryPotterserieshasinspiredanunfathomableamountoffancreations,whichincludesamultitudeoftastywizardtreatsbasedonwhatthecharacterseatinthebooks.ThereisnowanofficialversionofthispopularHarryPotterdrinksoldatUniversalStudiosinFlorida.ItwascarefullycraftedtoJ.K.Rowling’sspecificationsandI’msureit’s,well,magical.Ihopetotryitmyselfoneday!However,forthoseofuswhoareunabletomakeittoFloridaanytimesoon,it’dbenicetowhipupsomeButterBeerrightathome.ItisalittleknownfactthatButterBeerwasactuallyathingbeforeRowlingeverwrote
HarryPotter,orreallybeforeshewasevenborn.TherewasaTudorbeverageknownasButteredBeere,whichmadeitsfirstknownappearanceinwritinginTheGoodHuswifesHandmaidefortheKitchin,publishedin1594.ThisrecipecombineselementsofthisancientTudordrink,aswellasRowling’sbutterscotch-ydescription.Anditcanbeservedhotorcold!
SERVES2
24ouncesor3cups(681ml)non-alcoholicbeer(regularbeerisgreat,too)2cinnamonsticks10wholecloves10wholeallspice1tablespoonimitationbutter1tablespoonmeltedbutter(optional,forhotversiononly)1tablespoonvanillaextract1/2cup(75g)brownsugarEvaporatedmilk,totaste(optional)Sodawater,totaste(optional,forcoldversiononly)Whippedcream,toserve(optional)
1Pourthebeerintoasaucepanandaddthecinnamonsticks,cloves,andallspice.Bringtoaboilandsimmerfor15–20minutes.
2Removethespicesanddiscardtheallspiceandcloves,butkeepthecinnamonsticksforservingifmakingthehotversion.
3Addthebutterflavoring,meltedbutter(hotversiononly),vanillaextract,andsugar,andstirintothehotbeer.
4Pourintoservingglassesandstirintheevaporatedmilk(ifusing)toyourtastepreferences.
5Ifyou’reservingtheButterBeerchilled,refrigeratetheliquiduntilcoldandthenpourintoaservingcup.Youmayneedtoshakeitupbeforepouringifyouaddevaporatedmilk.Addyourdesiredamountofsodawatertoyourservingcupandstir.
6Topwithwhippedcream,ifyoulike,andforthehotversion,servewiththecinnamonsticks!
INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA
LONLONMILK
Zeldaisalong-runningNintendoseriescreatedbyShigeruMiyamoto.Thefirst3-DZeldagame,OcarinaofTime(whereLonLonMilkmadeitsfirstappearance),iswidelyconsideredtobethebestgameofalltime.TheZeldarecipesI’vemadeformybloghavebeensomeofmyfavoritecreations,andtheyalsoseemtobethemostpopular.Still,wheneverImentionpossiblymakingarecipeforLonLonMilk,someonealwayssays,“Isn’titjustmilk?”Boo!Bootothat.Hyruleisamagicallandwhereocarinashavemagicalpowersand,youknow,therearefairiesandsentienttreesandstuff.Dideveryoneforgetthatthecowswillhaveaconversationwithyouifyouplaythemasong?When’sthelasttimeyouhadadiscussionwithadairycow?Idon’tthinkthemilkinHyrulewouldbe“justmilk.”
LonLonMilkisknownamongHyliansforbeingverynutritious.WhenLinkdrinksit,itrestoresfivehearts.So,Ikeptthisonesimpleandhealthy,butextremelytasty.There’sanapple(orapplesauce)toaddamultitudeofvitamins,frozenyogurtforaproteinboost(whichhelpsrestoremuscletissue),andsomesweetcarameltokeepyourspiritsup.Ittasteslikeliquidcaramelappleandwilllegitimatelyboostyourimmunesystem.
SERVES2
1cup(235ml)milk
1greenapple,coredandroughlychopped,or1/2cup(122g)applesauce2–3scoopsvanillafrozenyogurt2tablespoonscaramelsauce
1Blendalltheingredientstogetherinablenderuntilsmooth.
2Pourintoaglassbottleorotherservingcup.
3Drinkhalfofitinonegulp,wipeyourmouth,andletoutasatisfiedsigh.
INSPIREDBYFUTURAMA
SLURM
FuturamaisananimatedadultcomedyTVshowcreatedbyMattGroeningofTheSimpsonsfame.Asthetitlesuggests,theseriestakesplaceinthefuture.Themaincharacter,PhilipJ.Fry,isapresent-daypizzadeliveryguywhobecomescryogenicallyfrozen(byaccident)andawakensinthethirty-firstcentury.Thoughtheseriesisprimarilyacomedyandcanbeabsurd,ithasastrongscience-fictionfoundationandmanygeekyreferences.InadditiontoappearinginFuturama’sopeningcredits,Slurmisfeaturedprominentlyintheepisodes“FryandtheSlurmFactory”and“TheBotsandtheBees.”
In“FryandtheSlurmFactory”itbecomesclearthatSlurmisawildlypopularandaddictivesoftdrink.Thedrink’sactualsloganis:“It’shighlyaddictive!”ThebeverageiscreatedontheplanetWormulan,wheretheFuturamacrewdiscoverthattheprimaryingredientis,well,reallygross.However,Fryissoaddictedthatheelectsnottorevealthebeverage’sdisgustingoriginstotheworldinfearthatSlurmwillnolongerbemanufactured.In“TheBotsandtheBees,”FrydrinkssomuchofthenewestSlurmdrink,“SlurmLoco,”thathebecomesradioactive.
ItisnotspecificallystatedwhatSlurmtasteslike,soImademyowndeliciousSlurmoozebycombiningfrozenlimeadewithmintjellyandaddingsodawaterforcarbonation.
SERVES1
4tablespoonsmintjelly3tablespoonslimeade,frozen1cup(235ml)sodawaterGreenfooddye(optional)Icecubes,toserve
1Blendtogetherthemintjellyandfrozenlimeadeinablender.
2Pourthenewlymadegreensludgeintotheservingcup.
3Addthesodawaterandstiruntileverythingisevenlyincorporated.Ifthedrinkistoostrongforyourliking,addmoresodawaterandstiragain.
4Enjoyoverice!
INSPIREDBYVAMPIRES(INGENERAL)
BLOOD
Iwouldguessthatmanyofushaveafavoriteinthevampiregenre,whetherit’sDracula,Nosferatu,TheVampireChronicles,BuffytheVampireSlayer,TrueBlood,ordareImentionthe“T”word?Vampiresaresopresentinourfantasiesthatevenstoriesthatarenotspecificallyaboutvampireshavevampirecharacters.Whetherthevampiresyousubscribetoareviciouskillers,torturedsouls,infectedmutants,or,youknow,sparklyteenagers,theyallhaveonethingincommon:theydrinkbloodtosurvive.
Mostofushave,atonepointoranother,tastedourownblood.Bloodsortoftasteslikealiquidsaltypenny—it’snotgreat.Vampires,however,seemtoexperiencethetasteofbloodinanentirelydifferentwaytousmortals.Myrecipelooksanawfullotliketherealthingbuttastesmuchbettertothehumanpalate.Thisrecipecanbecombinedwithanenergydrink(IsuggestRedBull)foranenergizingeffect,oralcohol(vodkaworks)foranintoxicatingeffect,dependingonwhatyou’reinto.Happy,er,blooddrinking!
SERVES1
1/4cup(60ml)coconutwater2tablespoonschocolatesyrup1/2cup(125g)cherrypiefilling2teaspoonsvanillaextractRedfooddye(howevermuchittakes)1dropyellowfooddyePinchofseasalt(optional)
1Blendalltheingredientstogetherinablenderuntilsmooth.
2Pourintotheservingcup.Thiscanbeheatedinamicrowaveorservedatroomtemperature.
BEVERAGES:Alcoholic
AClockworkOrange:MOLOKOPLUSASongofIceandFire:HOTSPICEDWINE
Dune:SPICEBEERBattlestarGalactica:AMBROSIA
TheDarkTower:GRAFMassEffect2:SERRICEICEBRANDY
TheLegendofZelda:CHATEAUROMANIFirefly:MUDDER’SMILK
TheHitchhiker’sGuidetotheGalaxy:PANGALACTICGARGLEBLASTERTheLordoftheRings:MIRUVOR
StarTrek:ROMULANALEMiscellaneousGeek:MEAD
MonkeyIslandandOtherSwashbucklingTales:GROG
INSPIREDBYACLOCKWORKORANGE
MOLOKOPLUS
MostrecognizeAClockworkOrangeasthehighlydisturbingfilmdirectedbyStanleyKubrick,butitwasactuallyabookfirst.Kubricktendedtotakeabook’sconceptandturnitintosomethingelseentirely(TheShining),whichwaspartofhisgenius,buthedidn’talwaysmakefriendswiththeesteemedauthorswhoseworkheadapted.ThefilmversionofAClockworkOrangewasnowherenearasdivergentassomeofKubrick’sotheradaptations(TheShining),butithadadifferenttonetothebook.TheoriginalnovellabyAnthonyBurgessonwhichthefilmwasbasedisviolent,anditdefinitelyhasapointtomakeaboutthenatureofmorality(perhapsnotthesamepointasthefilm),butitisfirstandforemostadystopianscience-fictionstory.
Inboththebookandthefilm,MolokoPlusisservedattheKorovaMilkbar.TheweirdsortofEnglishslang/RussianthatthecharactersallspeakiscalledNadsat,and“Moloko”istheNadsatwordformilk.Moloko-Plusmeansmilkplussomethingelse;inthebookandthemovie,“somethingelse”isvariousdrugs.Inthisrecipe,thesomethingelseisorange-vanillavodka,combinedwithacoupleofotheringredientstorounditout.ThevodkaisatributetotheRussianinfluenceandtheorangeis,well,obvious.
IttasteslikealiquifiedCreamsicleandwillcertainlysharpenyouandyourdroogiesupforsomeultraviolence…which,hopefully,inthiscaseisagameofDungeons&Dragons.Oraknittingcircle.
SERVES1
3/4cup(175ml)wholemilk2tablespoonsorangevanillavodka1tablespoonIrishcream1dashoforangeextract
1Pourthemilkintoaservingglassandaddtheorangevanillavodka,Irishcream,andorangeextract.
2Stirandserve.
INSPIREDBYASONGOFICEANDFIRE
HOTSPICEDWINE
ThislittlegemisperhapsthemostfrequentlymentionedbeverageintheASongofIceandFireseries,asidefrom,youknow,regularwine.MulledWineis
belovedbyJeorMormont,LordCommanderoftheNight’sWatch,wholikeshisextraspicywithdriedberriesandnuts,butwithoutlemon.Heconsidersaddinglemon“southronheresy.”MulledWineseemstobepopularamongthebrothersoftheNight’sWatchingeneral,presumablybecauseithelpsfighttheextremecoldofTheWall.
MulledWineisarealthing,ofcourse.ThereisanancientGermanversioncalledGlühweinandaNordicversioncalledGlögg,buttheconceptisthesame:wineheatedwithspicesand(mostlycitrus)fruits.Whetheryou’reabrotheroftheNight’sWatchoryoujustneedsomethingtowarmyouupduringacoldwinternight,thisistheperfectsolution.Brewingthisrichanddelicioushotbeveragemakesyourwholehousesmellamazinganddrinkingitisliketakingawarmbathwithscentedcandles…butinyourmouth.
SERVES8–10
2oranges2bottlesdryredwine1vanillapod,slicedlengthwise2–3piecesstemginger(gingerpreserves)4cinnamonsticks1/4cup(40g)wholewalnuts1/4cup(34g)raisins10clovesNutmeg,totasteAllspice,totaste3/4cup(180ml)honey,ortotaste5blackpeppercorns1staranise
1Removethezestfromtheorangesinstrips,usingaknifeorvegetablepeeler,andsetaside.Juicetheorangesintoadutchovenorthick-bottomedpot.
2Pourtheredwineintothepotwiththeorangejuice.
3Addtheorangezest,vanillapod,ginger,cinnamonsticks,walnuts,raisins,cloves,nutmeg,allspice,honey,peppercorns,andstaraniseintothepotwiththewine.Youcanalsoaddabitofthegingersyrupfromthestemginger,ifdesired.
4Stirforaboutaminutetomakesureeverythingiscomingtogether.
5Coverthepotandheatovermediumheatuntilliquidishot.Donotboil.
6Reducetheheattolowandheatfor60–90minutes,oruntilflavorsarestrongenoughforyourtastes.
7Oncethewinemixtureisdone,pouritintomugsusingastrainertomakesurenospicepiecesmakeitintotheservingcups.Canbeservedwith
surenospicepiecesmakeitintotheservingcups.Canbeservedwithcinnamonsticks.Hodor!
INSPIREDBYDUNE
SPICEBEER
Dune,thefirstbookintheseriesofthesamenamebyFrankHerbert,whichbeganin1965,isthebest-sellingscience-fictionnovelofalltime.Consideredtobethemostcomplexscience-fictionserieseverwritten,ithasbeencalledthesci-fiequivalenttoTheLordoftheRings.
ThemainplotlinerevolvesaroundanarcoticcalledSpiceMelange,thoughttobethemostimportantsubstanceintheUniverse.Notlikeanyolddrug,SpiceMelangegrantsitsusersalongerlifespan,heightenedawareness,and,occasionally,clairvoyance.Thesubstanceonlyexistsononeplanetintheknownuniverse,Arrakis,whichisalsoknownasDune.Thisisahostiledesertplanetinhabitedbygiantworms,andintheseries,havingcontrolofthisplanetistantamounttohavingcontroloftheUniverse.
SpiceMelangeissupposedtotasteabitlikecinnamonandisoftenusedinfoodanddrink,includingSpiceBeer!Inthefirstbook,SpiceBeeristheweaknessofDuncanIdaho,amuch-belovedcharacterintheseries,whodescribesitasthe“bes’damnstuffevertas’ed.”Thisrecipecombinesyourfavoritelightbeerwithdeliciouscinnamon-spicesyrupandashotofGoldschlägerforgoodmeasure.You’llhaveblueeyesinnotime.THESPICEMUSTFLOW.
SERVES1–2
1cup(235ml)water4cinnamonsticks5wholeallspice4tablespoonslightbrownsugar1/4cup(60ml)Goldschläger5–9fluidounces(150–255ml)lightbeer,chilled
1Pourthewaterintoasaucepanandaddthecinnamonsticksandallspice.Bringtheliquidtotheboil.
2Oncetheliquidisboiling,lowertheheatandsimmerfor10–15minutes.Thewatershouldturnalightbrown.
3Addthebrownsugar,bringbackuptoaboil,andcookforabout5minutes,
3Addthebrownsugar,bringbackuptoaboil,andcookforabout5minutes,untilsomeoftheliquidhasevaporatedandthemixturehasbecomesyrupy.
4Transferthesyrupintoaheatproofcontainerandrefrigerateuntilcold,about1hour.
5Whenthesyruphaschilled,strainoutthecinnamonsticksandallspiceandpourtheliquidintoservingcup(s).
6PourtheGoldschlägerintotheservingcup(s)andstir.Add5ounces(150ml)ofthebeerintothecup(s)atfirst,stir,andthentaste.Addmorelightbeer,ifyouwish,tosuityourownpreferences.Enjoy!
INSPIREDBYBATTLESTARGALACTICA
AMBROSIA
Wegeekstendtobepurists,butIthinkit’ssafetosaythatthisisoneofthose
Wegeekstendtobepurists,butIthinkit’ssafetosaythatthisisoneofthoserareinstanceswhenaremakeabsolutelyimprovedupontheoriginal.Inthenewversionofthisclassicscience-fictionseries,theCylons,araceofandroidsthatwe(humans)createdtobeourslavesandwhofinallyleftusaloneafteryearsofwarandrebellion,comebackanddestroy99percentofallhumanity.WhenhumanshadlastseentheCylonstheylookedlikescaryrobots,butwhentheyreturntheyareindistinguishablefromhumans.Theycouldbeanyone.Theremadeseriesispowerful,moving,andfullofconflictingfeelings,moraldilemmas,anddynamiccharacters.
Theseriesisloadedwithheavyancient-Greekthemes,whichmaybewhythemostpopularalcoholicbeverageiscalledAmbrosia.InGreekmythology,Ambrosiawasthenameofthefoodornectarofthegods.InBSG,Ambrosiaseemstobeaverybrightgreenversionofwine.Someassumeitisabsinthebecauseofthegreencolor,butitisusedmuchmorelikewineorchampagne.However,thedrinkdoesseemtobemorepotentthaneitherthewineorchampagneofEarth.
Thisrecipecombinessparklingwinewithpearvodkaandelderflowerliqueurtocreateanectar-likewinethatispotentbuteasytodrink.Humanortoaster,Ithinkyou’llhaveafrackinggoodtimedrinkingthis.Sosayweall!
SERVES1
2dropsgreenfooddye2tablespoonspearvodka2tablespoonselderflowerliqueur3/4cup(175ml)sparklingwine,chilled
1Combinethegreendye,pearvodka,andelderflowerliqueurintotheservingcup.
2Topoffwithsparklingwine.Cheers!
INSPIREDBYTHEDARKTOWER
GRAF
StephenKingisoftenacknowledgedasamasterofhorrorwithclassicslikeCarrieandTheShining,butsomemaynotrealizethathealsocreatedanepicfantasyseries.ReadingTheDarkTowermaymakeyouquestionthenatureoftheuniverse,changethewayyoutalk,andpossiblymakeyouwishyoulivedinMaine.Oneofthemanymind-blowingthingsabouttheseriesisthatittiestogethereverythingStephenKinghaseverwritten.So,ifyoudon’tthinkTheStandhasanythingtodowithSalem’sLot,you’rewrongandyou’veforgottenthefaceofyourfather.
GrafissomethingpeopledrinkinIn-WorldandMid-World.Itissimilartoahardciderorapplebeer.It’ssupposedtobeveryrefreshingandisconsumedingreatquantitiesnearreapingtime.IknowalotofTowerjunkieshavebrewedtheirveryownapproximationofthedrink,butIwantedtomakemoreofacocktailversion,sonoonehastobreakouttheyeastandbecomeabrewmastertoenjoysomeGrafonthislevelofthetower.DrinksomeofthistowashdownthatGunslingerBurritoordeliciousTooterFishPopkin!You’llbepleasedwiththeresult—I’llsetmywatchandwarrantonit.
SERVES2–4
2cups(475ml)applejuice2cinnamonsticks2tablespoonshoney
21/2cups(570ml)alcoholicgingerbeer2–3shotsofwhiskey
1Inasaucepan,combinetheapplejuice,cinnamonsticks,andhoneyandbringtoaboiloveramedium-highheat,stirringoccasionally.
2Reducetheheattomedium-lowandsimmer,covered,forabout20minutes.
3Removetheapple-juicemixturefromtheheat,pourintoajug,andcoolbriefly,thentransfertotherefrigeratoruntilchilled.
4Whenthejuicemixtureiscold,addthegingerbeerandwhiskey.Enjoy!
INSPIREDBYMASSEFFECT2
SERRICEICEBRANDY
Notonlyisthisgamebackedupbyasolidscience-fictionuniverse,BioWare’sMassEffectserieshaspushedtheenvelopeofstorytellinginvideogames.InMassEffect2,youresumeyourroleasShepard,whoisnowawarherobecauseoftheeventsofthefirstgame,andyouaregivencommandofthestarshipNormandySR-2,arebuiltandimprovedversionoftheSSVNormandy.Thecatchisthatyouarealsonowworkingfortheenemy.AsShepard,youhavetomakemanyhardchoices—likewhattosacrifice,whotosave,whethertobuyaspacehamster,and,mostimportantly,whotogetbusywith.Foodanddrinkarenotabigpartofthegame,buttherearesomeminorreferencesthroughout.
SerriceIceBrandyispartofasimplesidequestthatistotallyoptionalbutdefinitelyworthcompleting.Dr.Chakwas,astatelysortofwomanwhowaspartoftheoriginalNormandycrew,alsoendsupservingonthenewNormandy.Youareabletoaskyourcrewmembersiftheyneedanything,andwhatDr.ChakwasneedsissomeSerriceIceBrandy.Ifyousucceedinfindingsomeforher,she’lldoyouthehonorofdrinkingitwithyou.You’llbothgetalittlelubricatedandyou’llseeadifferentsideofthegooddoctor.
Thebrandyisblueincolorandisservedinthered-rimmedtumblersthatseemtobeeverywhereinthegalaxy.
SERVES1
2tablespoonsapricotbrandy3tablespoonsbluecuraçao2tablespoonsHpnotiqLemon-limesoda,fortoppingoffIcecubes,toserve(optional)
1Combinethebrandy,bluecuraçao,andHpnotiqintheservingglass.
2Topoffwithlemon-limesoda.Bestservedchilledoroverice.
INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA
CHATEAUROMANI
Okay,IknowIsaidearlierthatLinkshouldnotdrinkalcoholbecausehecouldgetsloppy,butthisistheexception.Thisrecipeisoneofmyfavoritesfromtheblogbecauseitissimpleyetaddictive.ChateauRomanimadeitsfirstandonlyappearanceinwhatmanyconsidertobethedarkhorseoftheZeldaseries,Majora’sMask.Majora’sMaskusedtobeanundervaluedgameintheseriesbuthasrecentlygainedinrecognition.Ithinkthissurgeinpopularityiswelldeserved;thegameisamongmyall-timefavoritesinanyseries.IhavespentcountlesshoursfollowingaroundthepeopleofClockTown,learningtheirsecretsandfears,butoneofmyfavoritequest-linesinvolvesacertainmagicalmilkbeverage.
ChateauRomaniisaspecialkindofmilkproducedatRomaniRanch.The
ranchislocatedoutsideofClockTownandownedbytwoadorablered-headedsisterswhobearastrongresemblancetoMalonfromOcarinaofTime.ChateauRomaniisexceptionallypricey,costingawhoppingtwohundredrupeesperbottle.It’salsodifficulttoobtainasitisonlysoldintheexclusiveMilkBarinsideEastClockTown.Inthegame,youneedtocompleteseveraldifferentquestsinordertogetabottleofChateauRomani(includingsavingsomeveryspecialcowsfromalienabduction),butitisabsolutelyworththetrouble.ChateauRomaniwillfullyreplenishyourheartbar,aswellasgiveyouunlimitedmagic,althoughitmightmakeyouabittipsy,likeacertainmustachioedcircusleaderseenmopingaroundintheMilkBarduringtheiropenhours.
SERVES1
2scoopsFrenchvanillaicecreamGroundcinnamon(optional)Gratednutmeg(optional)2shotsIrishcream1cup(235ml)milk1/4cup(60ml)sodawater
1Makesureallyourliquidingredientsareproperlychilledbeforeyoustart.
2Partiallymelttheicecreaminamicrowave-safecontainer—youdon’twanttheicecreamtobecompletelyliquid,somakesuretherearestillsomefrozenlumps.
3Ifyouwanttoaddcinnamonand/ornutmeg,nowisthetime:mixitintotheicecreamitselfbecausethefatfromthecreamwillpreventthespicesfromclumping.Stirtheicecreamsoit’ssmoothandlump-freeandallthespicesarethoroughlymixedin.
4Addtheicecreamtoyourservingcup.PourintheIrishcream,thenthemilk,followedbythesodawater.Stir.Note:Thisdrinkisnotaprecisescience;levelsofeachingredientcanbeadjustedtofityourindividualtastes.SoifyouwannaaddalittlemoreIrishcreaminthatsucker…Enjoy!
INSPIREDBYFIREFLY
MUDDER’SMILK
FellowBrowncoats,let’shaveamomentofsilenceforFirefly.ThecancellationofFireflywasoneofthemostdevastatinglossesingeek
television.Sadly,afteronlyfifteenmagnificentepisodes,itwastakenofftheair.Fireflywasasci-fiwesternfusion,createdbyJossWhedon.Setaboutfivehundredyearsinthefuture,afterhumanshadjustarrivedinanewstarsystem,theserieshadasortofafuturisticWildWestatmosphereandtook“thefinalfrontier”veryliterally.Thestoryfollowedagroupofninerenegades,allwithverydiversebackgrounds,strugglingtosurviveonaFirefly-classstarship.Let’skeepthememoryofFireflyalivewithsomegoodol’Mudder’sMilk!
Mudder’sMilkappearedintheepisode“Jaynestown.”ItwasusedonaremoteplanetcalledHiggin’sMoontosimultaneouslyfeedthelaborers,orMudders(asmudwastheplanet’sonlyexport),andkeepthemsubmissive.Ithas,accordingtoplanetarylegendJayne,“alltheprotein,vitamins,andcarbsofyourgrandma’sbestturkeydinner,plus15percentalcohol.”Fromthisdescription,Iimagineditbeingasortofalcoholicproteinshake.Thisrecipeisnotgoingtobeeveryone’scupofcompanionteabutthat’showitissupposedtobe.Ithinkittastesprettyruttinggoodmyself.Itwouldbeagreatmealreplacementforoneofthosedays.Funfact:AsashoutouttoFirefly,Mudder’sMilkwasaddedasaconsumableiteminWorldofWarcraft.
SERVES1
2–3shotsofhoneywhiskey1/2cup(120ml)milk1/2cup(120g)plainGreekyogurt1banana2tablespoonspeanutbutter1/4cup(60g)oatmealHoney,totasteGroundcinnamon,totasteIce
1Combinealltheingredientsinablenderandthenblenduntiltheconsistencyissmoothanddrinkable.
2Pourintoamugandenjoy!
INSPIREDBYTHEHITCHHIKER’SGUIDETOTHEGALAXY
PANGALACTICGARGLEBLASTER
DouglasAdams’hilarioussci-fiseriesislegendary.Thestorybeganin1978asaBBCradioshow,andthenitbecameacriticallyacclaimedseriesofbooks.Sincethentherehasbeenafull-lengthmovie,multiplecomics,videogames,andcountlessotheradaptationsofthebelovedseries.IthasbeenreferencedineverythingfromDoctorWhototheGooglesearchpage.TheprominentthemeisTheGuide,whichissortofatravelguidefortheMilkyWayGalaxycompletewithhottipsanddirewarnings.ThePanGalacticGargleBlaster,describedinTheGuideasthebestdrinkinexistence,wasinventedbyZaphodBeeblebrox—theflamboyant,two-headedanti-herooftheseries.
AsAdamshasstated,atrueandauthenticPGGBcannotbemadeonEarth,asthelawsofphysicspreventit;however,IthoughtI’dtrymyhandatmakingsomethingrelativelyclose.Imightnotalwaysknowwheremytowelisbut,Iassureyou,thisdrinkisbothexpensiveandbadforthehead.Ol’JanxSpiritissubstitutedwithrumbecauserumisoneofthefewEarthspiritsthatismadefromjuice.Santragineanseawaterisnowsparklingwater.ArcturanMega-GincubesareacombinationoficecubesandBombaySapphire.Thebubblingeffect
cubesareacombinationoficecubesandBombaySapphire.ThebubblingeffectofFallianMarshGaswasalreadytakencareofwiththecarbondioxidegasinthesparklingwater,butIapproximatedtheflavorofittobelikethatoflimoncello,asthedrinkissupposedtohavea…lemon-yeffect.QualactinHypermintextract?Easy,mintextract.ToothofanAlgolianSuntigerisasugarcubewithpeppervodkatoaddheat.MysteriousZamphourislemon-flavoredsugarbecause,youknow,itsprinkles.Theoliveisprettyselfexplanatory.
Thefinalresultislikeaspicy,lightlysweet,lemonmartini.Itseemsmostlyharmlesswhileyou’redrinkingit,butitwilllayyououtsomuch,you’llthinkyouwere,well,hitintheheadbyasliceoflemonwrappedaroundalargegoldbrick.
SERVES1
1/2cup(120ml)sparklingwater2tablespoonsgoldrum3tablespoonsBombaySapphiregin3smallicecubes1/4cup(60ml)limoncello1tinydropmintextract2tablespoonspeppervodka1sugarcubeGreenfooddye(optional,forcolor)1pinchlemon-flavoredsugar(makeyourownbycombininglemonzestandsugar,orbuyataliquorstore)1
Spanisholive
1Pourthesparklingwaterintoaservingcupandaddtherum.
2Addtheginandicecubesandthenthelimoncello.
3Squeezeinatinydropofmintextract.
4Addthepeppervodkathendropinasugarcubeandwatchitdissolve.
5Stirinthegreenfooddye,ifusing.
6Sprinklelemon-flavoredsugaroverthedrinkandgarnishwithanolive.
8Drink…but…verycarefully…
INSPIREDBYTHELORDOFTHERINGS
MIRUVOR
TheLordoftheRingsisthesinglemostinfluentialfantasyseriesofalltime.Likemanynerds,itwasmyfirstepicfantasylove.IwanttodorightbyLordoftheRingsfanseverywhere,especiallythefanswhooccupiedtheAOLLordoftheRingschatroomsintheearly2000s.Hi,guys!Rememberme?I’mtheonewhoneversaidanythingandjusthungaroundlikeacreep.
MiruvoristhecordialbeverageofRivendell.InTheFellowshipoftheRing,aflaskofMiruvorisgiventoGandalfbyElrondafterthefirstcouncilandhelpstheFellowshipsurvivetheverynippytriptoMoria.Miruvorisknownforitswarmingandrejuvenatingqualities.ThewordcomesfromtheQuenyaLexiconandmeans“drinkoftheValar.”Itisdescribedasaclearliquidwithapleasantfragrance.Itwasabitchallengingtocreateadrinkbasedonthesefacts,butIhopeyou’llenjoythislovelyetherealbeverage.Thewhiteteaishotandinvigorating,theelderflowerliqueurandrosewateraddafloralquality,andthepeachschnappsaddsanectar-likesweetness.Theendresultissomehowbothsoothingandenergizing.Visually,itismostlyclearbuthasalightgoldenshinewhichIthinkaddsabitofelvenmagic.
SERVES1
1cup(235ml)hotwater1bagwhitetea2shotselderflowerliqueur1shotpeachschnapps1teaspoonhoney5dropsroseororangeflowerwater
1Brewthewhiteteainthehotwaterforafewseconds.Donotletitsteepfortoolong—theflavorshouldbelightandsubtleandthecolorverypale.
2Addalltheotheringredientsandstirtocombine.
3Adjusttotaste.
INSPIREDBYSTARTREK
ROMULANALE
StarTrekisthemostpopularscience-fictioncreationofalltime.Ifyou’reabouttosayanythingoreventhinkanythingaboutStarWarsrightnow:shhh,stop.StarWarsisnothardsciencefiction,it’saspaceopera.Okay,yes,technicallyspaceoperaisasub-genreofsciencefiction,butstill,it’slikecomparingGWARtoFleetwoodMac.I’mnotimplyingthateitherisbetterthantheother,justthattheyarenotcomparable.
Nowthatthat’soutoftheway,let’stalkRomulanAle.ThisalcoholicdrinkmadeanappearanceasfarbackastheoriginalseriesandwasevenintheclassicStarTrekfilmTheWrathofKhan.RomulanAlehasacharacteristicbrightbluecolor,thoughtheshadeofbluedoesvarythroughouttheseries.Littleisknownaboutthetasteofthedrink,butwhatisknownisthatit’sextremelypotentandcausessomekillerhangovers.Romulansaresortofreoccurring“villains”inStarTrek—theyhaveneverreallybeenongoodtermswithTheFederation—soRomulanAleisillegal…thoughitsoutlawstatusmightalsohavesomethingtowiththehangovers.WhatIcreatedisbrightblueandtasteskindalikeachocolateorange.Ithasanicesweet-and-sourthinggoingon,justliketheRomulans.It’salsoreallyeasytodrink.Ihopeyouenjoyit,becauseyouwon’tenjoyitsomuchtomorrow!
SERVES1
2tablespoonsbluecuraçao2tablespoonsrum(151proof)2tablespoonscrèmedecacaoIceBluecreamsoda,totaste
1Pooralltheingredients,exceptthecreamsoda,intoanice-filledcupofyourchoiceandstir.
2Topoffthedrinkwithasmuchcreamsodaasyoudesire.
MISCELLANEOUSGEEK
MEAD
Meadispresentinmany,manygeekythings.IthasfeaturedinbooksbysuchliterarygiantsasJ.R.R.Tolkien,GeorgeR.R.Martin,andNeilGaiman.ItisespeciallypresentintalesofGermanicinfluence—anythinginvolvingVikingsortheNorsepantheon,suchasBeowulf,Skyrim,andtheThorcomics.InNorsemythology,MeadisservedinValhalla,whichissortoflikeVikingheaven,andthehomeoftheNorseall-fathergod,Odin.
FoodhistorianshavemostlybeeninconsensusthatMeadwasthefirstalcoholicbeverageevercreated.So,whatisit?Meadisatypeofwinefermentedfromhoneyinsteadofgrapesandfrequentlyflavoredwithfruitsandspices.Itgenerallyhasalightgoldencolor.
Here’sthething:AproperMeadtakesweeksorevenmonthstocomeofageandrequiresagoodamountofexpensivewine-makingandfermentationsuppliestoboot.Sure,therearequickanddirtywaystomakeasortofmeadhooch,butIwouldn’twanttoattemptit.Thereareplentyofwonderfulrecipesoutthereifyouthinkyouwanttotakeonalcohol-makingfromscratch,butIcan’tbeyourguideonthatjourneybecause,frankly,Iwouldn’tknowwhatIwastalkingabout.
SohereismyrecipeforaMeadcocktail—madewithwine,honey,fruitessences,andspices.PutonyourhelmandfauxfursanddrinklikeaViking!ToValhalla!
SERVES5–6
3–5tablespoonshoney
11/4–11/2cups(300–350ml)drywhitewine5dropsorangebitters2tablespoonsapplecidervinegar3wholeallspiceIce(optional)
1Microwavethehoneyinamicrowaveablejugonhighfor30seconds.
2Pourinthewhitewineandstiruntilthehoneyiscompletelydissolved.
3Addthebitters,vinegar,andwholeallspice.
4Chillintherefrigeratoruntilreadytoserve.
4Chillintherefrigeratoruntilreadytoserve.
5Removetheallspicebeforeserving.Servechilledorwithsomeice.
INSPIREDBYMONKEYISLANDANDOTHERSWASHBUCKLINGTALES
GROG
MonkeyIslandwasthefirstvideogameIfellinlovewith.Withalotoftrialanderrorandthehelpofmybigbrother,ImanagedtoplaythegamebeforeIcouldevenread.TheSecretofMonkeyIslandisbeautiful,challenging,andhilarious.ItfollowstheadventuresofanaspiringpiratenamedGuybrushThreepwoodashegetsinoverhisheadwithpiranhapoodles,ghostpirates,andhealth-consciouscannibals.Atthebeginningofthegame,youaretoldhowtobecomeapirate(becauseinMonkeyIslandbecomingapirateissortoflikeacluborfraternityandtherearecertainhazingritualsyoumustovercome)and,inadditiontotreasurehunting,swordfighting,andthievery,thereisoneotherrequirementtobeingconsideredatruepirate:Grog-swilling!
TheingredientsofGroglistedinMonkeyIslandarenottruetolife.They’realsonotappealingorsafeinanyway.Seriously,theonlyacidsthatshouldbeinyourgrogareascorbicandcitric.GrogisarealdrinkthatwasinventedbytheEnglishRoyalNavyfortheverypracticalpurposesofwateringdownthealcoholrationsthatweregiventosailors.Thiswasdonebecauseitwascommonforsailorstosaveuptheirrumrationsforthepurposesofgettingtotallyandcompletelydrunk,whichwasveryproblematic.So,originally,Grogwasjustwatered-downrum,butitevolvedovertimetoincludefruitjuices,sweeteners,andspices.ThepirateversionofGrogisactuallycalledBumboandwasconsiderablymoreelaboratethanthenavalversion.Mytakeonthedrinkisadeliciouspunchwithhoney,cinnamon,andbothtropicalandcitrusjuices.WithallofthevitaminCinthisdrink,you’llbeunlikelytogetscurvy!
SERVESABOUT10
1/2cup(120ml)honey,ortotaste2cups(475ml)darkrum,ormore1cup(235ml)water1cup(235ml)grapefruitjuice1cup(235ml)orangejuice1cup(235ml)pineapplejuice5cinnamonsticks,ortotaste2wholenutmegs1cup(235ml)bluecuraçao(foragreencolor,optional)Afewdropsofgreenfooddye(optional)Seasalt,totaste(optional)Limewedges,toserve
1Heatthehoneyinamicrowaveablebowlinthemicrowaveonhighfor20–30seconds,oruntilloosened.
2Putalltheingredientsinapunchbowlwiththeloosenedhoneyandstireverythingtogetheruntilthoroughlyincorporated.
Note:Ifaddingbluecuraçaoand/orgreenfooddye,addalittleatatimeuntilyougettherightcolor—moreorlessmaybeneededdependingonyourcolorpreferences.Ifaddingseasalt,alsoaddapinchatatimeandtasteuntilyouthinkitisright.
3Chillthemixturebeforeserving.Thisalsoallowstimeforthecinnamonandnutmegtosteep.
4Garnisheachservingcupwithawedgeoflime.Donotserveinpewtermugs!
SNACKSandAPPETIZERS
Discworld:FIGGINSBabylon5:SPOO
TheLordoftheRings:CRAMDoctorWho:FISHFINGERSANDCUSTARD
Futurama:POPPLERSTheElderScrolls:ELSWEYRFONDUETheHungerGames:CHEESEBUNSTheLordoftheRings:LEMBASSoylentGreen:SOYLENTGREENSerenity:FRUITYOATYBARS
Earthbound:PEANUTCHEESEBARS
INSPIREDBYDISCWORLD
FIGGINS
TerryPratchett’swackyandhilariousseriescontainsalotofediblethings,thoughmanyarenotentirelyappealing.Pig’searsoup,anyone?Howaboutsomeratfruit?No?Butifyou’reaDiscworldfan,IhighlyrecommendpurchasingNannyOgg’sCookbook.
Otherthanamysteriouswordforanunknownbodypartfromwhichonewouldnotwanttobehung,aFigginisdefinedinGuards!Guards!asashortcrustpastrycontainingraisinsor,alternately,inInterestingTimesasasmallbunwithcurrantsinit.ImadeaGuards!Guards!version.Ialsoincludedfigs,because,youknow,FIG-gins.
MAKES9FIGGINS
Forthedough1cupor2sticks(225g)butter,divided2cups(240g)flourIcewater
Forthefilling3/4cup(110g)raisins1/4cup(35g)driedfigs,chopped1/2cup(120ml)orangejuice1/4cup(60ml)honey,or
totaste1teaspoonorangezest1teaspoonallspice1teaspoongroundcinnamonPinchofgroundginger
1Inalargemixingbowl,addtheflourwith3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)ofthebutter.Usingyourfingers,workthebutterintotheflouruntilyouhaveacrumblytexture.Addatinyamountoficewatertotheflourandbutterandcombineuntilthedoughisverystiff.
2Coverthedoughandplaceinthefridgewhileyoumakethefilling.
3Puttheraisins,figs,orangejuice,honey,zest,spices,andtheremaining1/4cupor1/2stick(57g)ofbutterintoasaucepanandsimmerfor10–15minutes.Ifanyliquidremains,discardit.Leavetocool.
4Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).Dividethedoughintonineevenpieces.Rollouteachpieceuntilitis1/8inch(3mm)thick,thenuseateasaucerasatemplateandcutarounditwithaknife.
5Spoonaboutatablespoonofthefillingintothecenterofthecircle,thenpullthedoughedgesintothecenterofthecircleoverthefillingandpresstogether.Note:Wetyourfingersslightlywithcoldmilkorwaterwhendoingthistoensuretheedgesseal.
thistoensuretheedgesseal.
6Whensealed,useyourhandsorarollertoflattentheFigginabit.
7FliptheFigginoversothatthesealedsideisonthebottom.Cutslitsintothecentertovent.
8PlacetheFiggin,sealedsidedown,onaparchment-linedbakingsheet.
9Repeatsteps6–9untilyouhavenineFigginsonthebakingsheet.
10Bakefor20minutes,oruntilgoldenbrown.
INSPIREDBYBABYLON5
SPOO
Babylon5isaspace-operaseriesthatranforfiveyearsinthe1990s.Theseriesfeaturesagoodamountofstrangealienfoods,butthemostintriguing(andperhapsthemostdisgusting)isSpoo.Spoo(“Oops”spelledbackwards)actuallymakesitsfirstappearancebeforeBabylon5,inShe-Ra:PrincessofPower,whereitisofferedtoSkeletor,whoquicklyrejectsitsayingthathehatesSpoo,eventhoughhedoesn’tknowwhatitis.
Spooismadefromatypeofwormofthesamenamethatistreatedwithcontemptbymostofthegalaxyduetoitsannoyinghabitofsighingallthetime.Itisconsideredbymanyalienstobethetastiestfoodinthegalaxy;however,itdoesn’tseemtoappealtohumantastes.OrSkeletor’s.
SERVES10
1cup(50g)pankobreadcrumbs3/4cup(175ml)buttermilk1packet(1/4oz/7g)flavorlessgelatin3tablespoonscoldwater1/2cup(40g)Parmesancheese,shredded1pound(450g)groundturkey1egg,lightlybeaten6clovesgarlic,minced2tablespoonsonionpowder1/2tablespoonpowderedchickenbouillonSaltandpepper,totasteBluefooddye(optional)
1Inalargemixingbowl,combinethepankoandbuttermilkandsetasideforabout10minutestoformapanade(breadpaste).Inanotherbowl,combinethegelatinandwater,stir,andsetasidefor10minutestoallowthegelatinto
thegelatinandwater,stir,andsetasidefor10minutestoallowthegelatintostiffenabit.
2Preheattheovento400°F(200°C).
3Addalltheotheringredientstothepankoandbuttermilkinthelargemixingbowlandtipinthegelatinanditswater.Mixeverythingtogetherthoroughly.
4LinealoaftinwithparchmentpaperandpourintheSpoo,smoothingthetop.
5Bakefor45minutes,oruntilthecenteroftheSpooreachesatleast165°F(75°C).Thisisveryimportant!Thereispoultryinthisdish,whichisdangeroustoconsumeraw.
6RemovetheSpoofromtheovenandleavetocoolandsetforabout10minutes.Therewillprobablybeabrownlayerontopthatwillberemovedlaterforaestheticreasons,andagoodamountofjuicewillescapeandlookverygross,but,trustme,itwilltastegood.
7Useaknifetocuttheloafintocubes,removingthebrownedtopfromeach,andserve!Iliketoskewermychunksontolittletoothpicks.
INSPIREDBYTHELORDOFTHERINGS
CRAM
IgetasurprisingamountofrequestsforCram,thecharacteristicallyunexcitingbiscuit-likefoodfromTheLordoftheRings,whichistestamenttothededicationforwhichTolkienfansarerenowned.CramissounexcitingthatinTheHobbitTolkiendescribeseatingitasa“chewingexercise.”Itsfewredeemingqualitiesarethatitissodrythatitkeepsindefinitelyandthatitprovidesadequatesustenance.ThisfoodisnottobeconfusedwithCramfromFallout,whichisaplayonthecannedmysterymeatthatisSpam.
Thisrecipeisforaverydrycookieorbiscuitthathasproteinpowderaddedforsustenanceandapplesauceforextranutrients.Additionalsugarandapplesauce(1to2tablespoons)canbeaddedtomakethebiscuitlessdryandblandifyou’remoreconcernedwithtastethanyouarewithaccuracy.Enjoy?
SERVES5–6
4tablespoonsvegetableoil,plusextraforgreasing1/2cup(40g)instantoats,ground1/4cup(30g)unflavoredwheyproteinpowder1/4cup(30g)flour3
tablespoonssugarPinchofsaltPinchofbakingpowder1egg2tablespoonsapplesauce
1Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).
2Greasea9×9-inch(23×23cm)bakingpanorlineitwithparchmentpaper.
3Stirtogethertheoats,proteinpowder,flour,sugar,salt,andbakingpowder.
4Inaseparatebowl,whisktogethertheegg,applesauce,andoil.
5Addthewetingredientstothedryingredientsandstirthoroughlywithawoodenspoon.
6Addthemixturetothegreasedpan,makingsurethebattersettlesevenly.
7Bakefor12–15minutes,oruntiltheCramisfirmandaforkortoothpickinsertedintoitcomesoutclean.Cutintosquaresandserve!
INSPIREDBYDOCTORWHO
FISHFINGERSANDCUSTARD
FishFingersandCustardbecameathingwhentheeleventhincarnationoftheDoctorfirstregeneratedoutsideofthehomeofayoungAmeliaPond.Hisregenerationmadehimveryhungrybut,havingawholenewbody,hehadnoideawhatsortoffoodtastedgoodtohisnewtastebuds.Soheenlistedthehelpofhisnewred-headedpaltohelphimfindoutwhatheliked.Afterrejectingamultitudeofdifferentfoods,hefoundsomethingthatheliked.Yep,fishfingersdippedincustard.
Let’sfaceit,theideaismeanttobesortofstrangeandunappealing.Inthescene,MattSmithhimselfisactuallyeatingbreadedcoconutcakesdippedincustard.Sincemakingtherecipe,though,alotofWhovianshavetoldmethatplainoldstore-boughtfishfingersandregularvanillacustardactuallytasteprettyokay.I’lltaketheirwordforitandblessthemallfortheirdedication…butIwantedtomakesomethingthateveryonecouldgetdownwith.
Iwantedtomakesomethingthateveryonecouldgetdownwith.Myrecipepairsapanko-andcoconut-batteredfriedfishfinger(coconut
addedastributetotherealityofthescene)andtangylemonandhoneymustarddippingsauce(thatbasicallylookslikecustard)whichcomplementsitperfectly.
SERVES4–6
Forthefishfingers1/2cup(60g)flourSaltandpepper,totaste2eggs1tablespoonmilk1cup(50g)pankobreadcrumbs1cup(70g)coconutflakes1pound(453g)tilapiafilets,cutinto1-inch(2.5-cm)strips(codorhaddockwillalsowork)Oil,forfrying
Forthe“custard”1/2cup(115g)mayonnaise2tablespoonsyellowmustard(prepared)1tablespoonDijonmustard2tablespoonshoney1tablespoonlemonjuice2clovesgarlic,minced
1Combinetheflour,salt,andpepperinashallowbowl.
2Beattheeggswiththemilkinanothershallowbowl.
3Mixthebreadcrumbsandcoconutinathirdshallowbowl.
4Coateachfishstripintheseasonedflour,dipthemintotheeggmixture,andthenrollinthepankoandcoconutmixture.Setasideuntilreadytocook.
5Heat1/2inch(1.25cm)ofoilinalargeskilletovermedium-highheat.
6Insmallbatches,frythefishsticksuntilgoldenbrown,about2minutesperside.Drainonapapertowel–linedplate.
7Tomakethecustardsauce,simplycombinealltheingredientsandmixthoroughly.
8Liberallydipthefishfingersinthecustardsauceandenjoy!
INSPIREDBYFUTURAMA
POPPLERS
PopplersappearedintheSeason2episode“TheProblemwithPopplers,”whichisaplayontheclassicStarTrekepisode“TheTroublewithTribbles.”IntheFuturamaepisode,thecrewisrunninglowonfoodsuppliesandgoestothenearestplanettoseeiftheycanfindsomethingedible.Lelastumblesuponapitofediblecreaturesthatturnouttobebothdeliciousandaddictive.Theybringalargecargooftheirresistiblesnacksbacktocivilization,wheretheynamethemPopplers,andtheyquicklybecomeasensation.Theylookexactlylikedeep-friedshrimpandareeventuallysoldatFishyJoe’srestaurant.WashthemdownwithsomeSlurm!
SERVES5–7
1cup(240g)buttermilk2eggs1pound(450g)mediumshrimp,cleaned,peeled,andtailsremoved2cups(250g)flour,divided1cup(50g)pankobreadcrumbs1tablespoononionpowder1tablespoongarlicpowder1tablespoonoldbayseasoningSaltandpepper,totasteCayennepepper,totasteCanolaoil,fordeep-fryingDippingsauces(optional)
1Inasmallmixingbowl,thoroughlywhisktogetherthebuttermilkandeggs.
1Inasmallmixingbowl,thoroughlywhisktogetherthebuttermilkandeggs.Addtheshrimptobuttermilk/eggmixtureandsetaside.
2Inamediummixingbowl,mixtogether1cup(125g)oftheflourwiththepankoandseasonings.Puttheremainingflourinaseparatesmallshallowbowl.
3Prepareadeepfryer–ifyoudon’thaveone,fillaheavy-bottomedpotthree-quartersfullofcanolaoil.Heattheoilto370°F(190°C).
4Ifyouhaveafrybasket,setitintothepotfullofoilordeepfryer.Makesureitisdrybeforedoingso.
5Removeshrimpfromthebuttermilkbathandrollintheplainflouruntilcoated.Then,dunkbackintothebuttermilk/eggbath,removeagainandrollintothepanko/flourmixuntilcoated.Repeatthisforeveryshrimp.Thiscanbedoneinbatchesof5or6shrimp;youwanttofrytheminbatchesofthissizebecauseaddingtoomanyatoncecancausesafetyissuesandreducethetemperatureoftheoil,whichwillmakethebattersoggy.
6Droponebatchofshrimpintothedeepfryeratatime.Removebycarefullyliftingthefrybasketoutofthepotordeepfryerafteroneortwominutesorwhentheshrimparegoldenandcrispy.Ifyoudonothaveafrybasket,usetongstoremovetheshrimp.Beverycarefulnottogetsplashedwithhotoil!RepeatuntilallPopplersarefried.Enjoywithadippingsauceofyourchoice.
INSPIREDBYTHEELDERSCROLLS
ELSWEYRFONDUE
TheElderScrollsisavideo-gameseriesthatischock-fullofdelicious-soundingmade-upfoods,anditwasdifficulttopindownjusttherightonetoputinthiscollection.AsIhaveaweaknessforcheese,thisonestoodout.IntheworldofElderScrolls,ElsweyristhehomeoftheKhajiitrace,whichyoumayrecognizeasthebighumanoidkitties.ElsweyrFondueismadewiththreeingredients:Ale,Eidarcheese,andMoonSugar.Wheneaten,itrestoresamassiveamountofmagicka.
So,Eidarcheeseisveryobviouslyabluecheeseandaleisprettyself-explanatory,buttheMoonSugarisabitofaquestionmark.MoonSugarisanalchemyingredientinthegamethatrestoresmagicka,andisalsousedinthecreationofSkooma,anillegalsubstance.Itlookslikebrowncrystalsandissaidtobemadefromacaneplant,likeregularsugar.Itisknowntohaveanarcoticeffect,especiallyonKhajiit,sothatremindedmealittleofcatnip.Thoughwealllovewatchingourcatsactlikefurrylittlefoolswhenexposedtothesubstance,catnipisnotsomethingthathumansoftenconsume,except,occasionally,asamildlytranquilizingtea.SoImadeacatniptea–infusedhardcandy(foracrystalizedlook)andaddedsomemesquiteflavor.Admittedly,theMoonSugartastesprettystrangebyitselfbutaddsanicesmokysweetnesstothefondue.YouwilldefinitelyhavemoreMoonSugarthanyouneedforthefondue(thenatureofhardcandymakesitimpossibletomakeinsmallbatches),soalternatively,ifyoudon’twanttoendupwithabunchofextraMoonSugar,youcanskipmakingitalltogetherandjustaddapinchofmesquiteandregularsugartothefondue.
Enjoythefonduewithanassortmentofveggies,fruits,bread,andmeats.Hottip:Itgoesespeciallywellwithsteamedbroccoli,apples,crustybread,andtangy/spicymeats.Sugarandsand,furlicker!
SERVES4
Forthemoonsugar(optional)1/2cup(120ml)water3catnipteabags1/3cup(78ml)cornsyrup2tablespoonsmesquiteflavor2teaspoonscayennepowder,ortotaste1tablespoonsmokedpaprika,ortotaste1cup(200g)granulatedsugarConfectioners’sugar,forcoating
Forthefondue1clovegarlic2tablespoonsbutter
2tablespoonsbutter1/2cup(120ml)ale13/4cupsor8ounces(225g)crumbledbluecheese(yourchoice)3/4cupor6ounces
(175g)creamcheese2piecesMoonSugar,optionalBite-sizedpiecesofyourfavoritefruits,veggies,breads,andmeats,fordipping
1FirstmaketheMoonSugar.Boilthewaterandbrewthe3teabagsforabout10–15minutesuntilastrongconcentrateismade.Removetheteabags,squeezingoutanyexcessliquid,anddiscard.
2Pourthebrewedcatnipteaintoagood-qualitymetalsaucepanwithacandythermometerattachedalongwiththecornsyrup,spices,andsugar.
3Heatthemixtureuntilitreaches300°F(150°C),stirringconstantly.
4Transferthemixturetoaheat-resistantcontainerlinedwithparchmentpaperandsprinkletheconfectioners’sugaroverthetop.Letthecandycoolandharden.
5Whenthecandyishard,useabutterknifetobreakitintopiecesroughlythesizeofJollyRanchers.Coatwithmoreconfectioners’sugarifdesired.Theendproductshouldlookabitlikeseaglass.YouwillhavemuchmorethanneededfortheFondue,soyoucaneitherdiscardtheexcessorcrushitupanduseitasarubformeat.
6Next,maketheFondue.Cutthegarliccloveinhalfandrubthecutsidesaroundtheinsideofafonduepot.Whendone,leavethegarlicinthepot.
7Addthebuttertothepotandturntheheatonthefonduemachineto200°F(95°C).Letthebuttermeltforafewseconds.
8Pourthealeintothepot.
9Begintoslowlyaddthecrumbledbluecheesetothealeandstirin.
10Whenthecheesestartstomelt,addthecreamcheeseandstiruntiltheFondueissmooth.
11AddtheMoonSugarandstirforaboutaminutemore.TheMoonSugarwillmeltgraduallyandinfusetheFonduewithasweet,smokyflavor,butitwillnotmeltcompletelyrightaway.
12Dipthesidesofyourchoiceintothefondueandenjoy!
INSPIREDBYTHEHUNGERGAMES
CHEESEBUNS
TheHungerGamesseemstobereallypolarizingamongstnerds.Therearesomewhoseemtohateitandmanymorewholoveit.Itmightbebecausethestoryisoftencomparedto(andevenaccusedofcopying)BattleRoyale.Personally,havingreadandwatchedbothofthese,Ithinktheyarecompletelydifferentstories.And,let’sfaceit,pittingpeople(evenchildren)againsteachotherinafighttothedeathishardlyanewconcept.Idon’tthinkeitherisbetterthantheother,butthereisonewayinwhichTheHungerGamesexcelsoverBattleRoyale:food!
TherearealotofmouthwateringfoodmomentsinTheHungerGames.Alot.Themomentsareextradeliciousasyouexperiencethemfromtheperspectiveofacharacterwhohasbeenmalnourishedmostofherlife.OneofthemorememorablefoodsisKatniss’favoritebakedgoodfromPeeta’sbakery:theCheeseBun.Theyaredescribedasbunsbakedwithalayerofcheeseontop.Seriously,whodoesn’tlikebreadandcheese?Carb+meltedcheese=heaven,amiright?
MAKES20BUNS
3cups(360g)flour,divided
1packet(1/4oz/7g)activedryyeast1tablespoonsugar1teaspoonsalt3/4cup(88g)shreddedsharpcheddarcheese,divided3/4cup(88g)shreddedGruyèrecheese,divided1/2cup
(120ml)warmmilk1/2cup(120ml)warmwater11/2tablespoonsoliveoilButter,vegetableoil,ornonstickspray,forgreasing
3tablespoonsbutter,melted
1Combine11/2cups(180g)flour,thesugar,salt,andtheyeastinalargemixingbowlandthoroughlymix.
2Tossin1/2cup(58g)ofeachcheese,addthewarmmilk,warmwater,andtheoliveoil,andbeatforabout2minutes.
3Graduallystirintherestoftheflouruntilyouhaveasoftdough.
4Tipoutthedoughontoaflouredboardandkneaduntilitiselasticandnotsticky,addingmoreflourifnecessary.
5Placeinagreasedbowlandthenflipthedoughovertogreasetheotherside.Coverthebowlwithplasticwrap.Letthedoughriseinawarmenvironmentforapproximately30minutes.
6Punchthedoughdown,coveragain,andletrestfor10moreminutes.
7Cutthedoughinto20piecesandshapeeachoneintoasphere.
8Dipeachballinmeltedbutterandarrangetheballsintworowsinthepan.Coverwithapapertowel.Leavetoriseinawarmplaceforabout1hour,oruntiltheballshavealmostreachedthetopofthepan.
9Preheatyourovento375°F(190°C)andgreaseasmallpan.
10Sprinkletheremainingcheesesovertherolls.11Bakeonthelowerrackoftheovenforabout35minutes,oruntiltherollsare
firmandgolden.Youcantellthey’redonewhenyouinsertatoothpickandit
firmandgolden.Youcantellthey’redonewhenyouinsertatoothpickanditcomesoutclean.Allowtocoolfor5minutes,thenenjoy.
INSPIREDBYTHELORDOFTHERINGS
LEMBAS
Lembasisthequintessentialgeekyfictionalfood.ItmadeitsfirstappearanceinTolkien’sTheFellowshipoftheRing.TheflavorofLembasisneverdetailedbutitissaidtobeabletofillthebellyofagrownmaninafewbites,whichmakesitusefulforlongjourneys.It’salsosupposedtotastemorepleasantthanit’snon-elvishcounterpart,Cram(seepage45).IfitwerenotforLembas,FrodoandSamwouldprobablynothavesurvivedtheextremelyperilousjourneythroughMordor.
ThisismysecondvariationonLembas.Thenutsandtheproteinpowdermakeitextremelyfilling;theywilldefinitelymakeyoufeellikeyoujustateabigdinner.Thecitruszestaddsvitaminsandthehoneymakesthebreadbothfragrantandtasty.Theyaresoft,lightlysweet,andverydelicate,soit’ssomewhatofasurprisewhenyoustarttofeellikeyoujustateThanksgivingdinner.Irecentlytooksomewithmeonahikingexcursion.IpretendedIwasclimbingMountDoomandkeptcallingmyfiancé“Mr.Frodo.”Hedidn’tappreciateit,buttheLembasdefinitelykeptmyenergyup.
SERVES10–15
6tablespoonsoliveoil,divided
11/2cups(350ml)warmwater21/2cups(300g)all-purposeflour1tablespooninstantyeast1cup(120g)unflavoredwheyproteinpowder2cupsmacadamianuts,finelychopped1tablespoonorangezest3/4cup(180ml)honey1teaspoonsalt5dropsorangeflowerwater(optional)Largenon-poisonousleaves(optional,bananaleavesrecommended)
1Greasea9×13-inch(23×33cm)bakingpanandadd3ofthe6tablespoonsofoliveoiltothebottom.
2Combinealloftheotheringredientsandbeatathighspeedwithanelectricmixerforoneminute.
3Transferthebatterintothepreparedpan.Coverandletriseatroomtemperaturefor1hour.
4Whiledoughisrising,preheattheovento375°F(190°C).
5Bakethebreaduntilitisgoldenbrown,about25–30minutes.
6Removefromtheoven,wait5minutes,andthenturnitoutofthepanontoarack.
7Cutbreadintosquarepieces,wrapeachpiecewithaleaf,andtiewithtwine.
7Cutbreadintosquarepieces,wrapeachpiecewithaleaf,andtiewithtwine.
INSPIREDBYSOYLENTGREEN
SOYLENTGREEN
SoylentGreenisadystopianclassic.IttakesplaceonafutureEarthwherealmostalloftheworld’sresourceshavebeendepletedduetothesheernumberofhumansoccupyingtheplanet.Mostoftheoverwhelmingpopulationsurvives,barely,onrations.SoylentGreenisthenewestoftheserations.Itissupposedlymadefrom“high-energyplankton”andismuchmorenutritiousthanitspredecessors,SoylentRedandYellow.
SoylentGreenappearsinthemovieasanunremarkablegreen-coloredsquare.
Thetasteisnotdescribed,thoughitissupposedlytastierthanbothRedandYellow.Mostpeoplenowadaysknowthebig“secret”ofSoylentGreenbeforetheyevenwatchthemovie.CharltonHeston’sdramaticactingatthefilm’sclimaxisjusttoomuchfuntoimitate.SPOILERALERTIskippedthepeople(OMG,people!)andmadeadeliciouscrackerusingfurikakeasthe“high-energyplankton,”cuz,youknow,oceans.Turnsoutthatpeople(and/orhigh-energyplankton)tastesprettygreatdippedinhummus!Iknow,Iknow,everythingtastesgreatdippedinhummus.
SERVES4
2cups(60g)freshspinach1egg1/2cupor1stickofbutter(112g),atroomtemperature3/4cup(60g)shreddedParmesancheese1/2cup
high-energyplankton(furikake)Garlicpowder,totasteOnionpowder,totaste
11/2cups(180g)flourYellowfoodcoloring(optional)Greenfoodcoloring(optional)
1Puréethespinachinafoodprocessor.
2Inalargemixingbowl,combinethepuréedspinach,egg,butter,cheese,furikake,andgarlicandonionpowders.Mixthoroughly.
3Addtheflourandcombinetoformthedough.Ifdesired,addafewdropsofeachfoodcoloringintothedoughandworkitinevenly.
4Chillthedoughintherefrigeratorfor1hour.
5Preheattheovento400°F(200°C)andlineabakingsheetwithparchmentpaper.Placeasheetofwaxpaperontopofaflatsurfaceand,workinginbatches,placeahandfulofdoughonthewaxpaperandthenplaceanothersheetofwaxpaperontop.Thewaxpaperwillpreventsticking.
6Useapastryrollerorrollingpintorolloutthedoughuntilit’sabout1/8inch(3mm)thick.
7Removethetopsheetofwaxpaperanduseasquarecookiecutter,about3×3inches(7.5×7.5cm)insize,toshapethecrackers,settingasidetheexcessdoughtore-rollforthenextbatch.
8Placethefinishedsquaresontheparchment-linedbakingsheet,coverwithaluminumfoiltopreventbrowning,andbakefor15–20minutes,oruntilcrispy.Youmayneedasecondbakingsheetortobaketheminbatches.
9Letcoolbeforeserving.
9Letcoolbeforeserving.
INSPIREDBYSERENITY
FRUITYOATYBARS
NotthatanythingcouldevermakethecancellationofFireflyokay,buttherewas,infact,amoviethatdulledaminusculeportionofthegriefandsuffering.SerenitytakesplaceafewmonthsafterwhereFireflyleftoff,andfollowsthecrewofSerenityastheytrytokeepescapedexperimentsubjectRiverTamhiddenfromTheAlliance.
Inthefilm,thereisahumorouslybizarrecommercialforaproductcalledFruityOatyBarsthatactuallycarriesasubliminalsignaltoseekoutRiverTam.Thebaritselfseemstoberainbowcolored(thoughthatmightjustbethewrapper)andpresumablytastesoffruitandoats.SoImadeasupertastybakedgoodywithoatmealanddriedfruits.Warning:Yourmindwillbeblownandaliveoctopusmightcomeoutofyourblouse.Also,keepoutofreachofmice.MakeabatchoftheseandpassthemaroundyourFireflysupportgroup!
MAKES12BARS
2cups(160g)oats1cup(150g)choppednuts,ofyourchoice2cups(300g)driedfruit,ofyourchoice1/4cup(30g)flourPinchofgroundcinnamonPinchofallspice1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,melted1cup(240ml)milk1egg2tablespoonsbrownsugar1teaspoonvanillaextractMultiplefoodcoloringcolors(optional)
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andlineabakingsheetwithparchmentpaper.
2Stirthedryingredients—oats,nuts,fruit,flour,andspices—togetherinonemixingbowl.
3Inanothermixingbowl,combinetheremainingwetingredients:butter,milk,egg,brownsugar,andvanillaextract.
4Thoroughlywhisktogetherthewetingredients,thenaddthemtothedrymixtureandcombine,makingsureeverythingisevenlycombined.
5Ifyou’regoingtodyethebars,separatethemixtureevenlyintoasmanydifferentcontainersasyouhavecolors.Addafewdropsofthefoodcoloringtoeachoftheseparatedbattersandmixuntilthecolorsareevenlydispersed.
6Poureverythingintothebakingsheet,makingsuretoflattenandevenoutthebatterasmuchaspossible.Ifyou’reusingdyedbatter,pourinonecolorata
batterasmuchaspossible.Ifyou’reusingdyedbatter,pourinonecoloratatime,startingfromonesideofthebakingsheetandworkingtowardtheother,creatingarainboweffect.
7Bakefor30–40minutes,oruntilthetopiscrispy,butnotburnt.
8Letcooltoroomtemperature,cutintorectangularbars,andserve!
INSPIREDBYEARTHBOUND
PEANUTCHEESEBARS
Earthboundisafunandquirkyold-schoolRPG,sortofamixofachildren’stelevisionshowandastoner’ssci-fidreamfantasy.Italsohasareallyinterestingandcomplexfoodsystem,whichmakesitmykindofgame.Itwasalittledifficulttodecidewhichfoodtoincludeherebecausetherearesomanyinterestingoptions.Forme,andIdon’tthinkI’maloneinthis,thePeanutCheeseBarhasalwaysstoodoutthemost.Unfortunately(orfortunately,dependingonyourperspective),TroutYogurtandPiggyJellydidn’tmakethecut.
ThePeanutCheeseBaristhefavoritefoodofthelovablespeciesMr.Saturn.Besidescontainingbothpeanutsandcheese,littleisknownaboutthebarsother
Besidescontainingbothpeanutsandcheese,littleisknownaboutthebarsotherthanthattheyaresupposedtotaste“prettyyummy”andrecover100HP.Ifyou’rethekindofpersonwholovestocombinesaltyandsweet,youwilllovethisrecipe.Ididn’twanttoshyawayfromgettingarealcheesyflavor,soIusedsharpcheddar,butamildercheesecanbeusedinstead.ZOOM!
MAKES8BARS
5grahamcrackers1tablespoonlightbrownsugar2/3cup(160g)unsaltedbutter,melted,divided2cups(225g)finelyshreddedcheddarcheese2cups(350g)milkchocolatechips1cup(235ml)half-and-half1tablespoonunsaltedbutter,melted1/2cup(75g)peanutsSprigofparsley(optional)
1Crushthegrahamcrackersasthoroughlyaspossible.
2Addthebrownsugarand1/3cup(80g)ofthemeltedbuttertothecrushedcrackersandthoroughlymixalltheingredientstogether.
3Pressthegrahamcrackermixturefirmlyontothebottomofa6×6inch(15×15cm)parchment-linedcontainerandplaceitinthefridgetoset.
4Inamixingbowl,combinetheshreddedcheeseandtheremaining1/3cup(80g)meltedbutteruntilapaste-liketextureisachieved.
5Spreadandlightlypressthischeesepasteontopofthesetgrahamcrackerlayertocreatethesecondlayer,thenreturnthecontainertothefridge.
6Gentlyheatthehalf-and-halfonthestove,stirringconstantly.
7Placethechocolatechipsinaheatproofmixingbowlandaddthehothalf-and-halfwhilestirring.Letsitforafewminutes.
8Addthe1tablespoonofmeltedbuttertothechocolatemixtureandmixthoroughlyuntilsmooth.
9Carefullyandevenlyspreadthechocolatelayeroverthecheeselayer.
10Sprinklethepeanutsevenlyontopofthechocolatelayerandgentlypresstheminsotheyarepartiallysubmerged.
11Returnthecontainertothefridgeforabout1hour.12Whenreadytoserve,cutinto8rectangularpieces.13Garnishwithasprigofparsley.Ordon’t…
SOUPSandSTEWSTheHungerGames:LAMBSTEWWITHPLUMS
ASongofIceandFire:BOWLO’BROWNTheLegendofZelda:ELIXIRSOUP
TheLegendofZelda:YETO’SSUPERBSOUPStarTrek:PLOMEEKSOUP
WorldofWarcraft:DRAGONBREATHCHILI
INSPIREDBYTHEHUNGERGAMES
LAMBSTEWWITHPLUMS
ThisisheroineKatnissEverdeen’sfavoritefoodfromTheCapitolanditisan
ThisisheroineKatnissEverdeen’sfavoritefoodfromTheCapitolanditisanabsolutelyessentialgeekyfood.Inthefirstbook,Katnissdescribesthisstewas“incredible”andeventellsHungerGameshostCaesarFlickmanthatit’swhatshefindsmostimpressiveinTheCapitol.I’mwithyou100percent,Katniss.FoodFTW.Laterinthebook,whenKatnissandPeetaareslowlystarvinginacave,Haymitchsendsthemaparcelofthestew.Thespecificflavorsofthestewarenotdescribed.Allthatisknownisthatitcontainslambanddriedplumsandissometimesservedoverwildrice,acombinationthatKatnissfinds“perfect.”Nottotootmyownhorn(toot!toot!),butmyversionisabsolutelydeliciousandistheperfectmealafteralongdayofterrorandfightingforyourlife.
SERVES5–6
4–6tablespoonsoliveoil3pounds(1.4kg)bone-inlamb2onions,chopped5clovesgarlic,sliced6carrots,roughlychopped6stalkscelery,roughlychopped
11/2cupswholedriedplums28-ounce(800g)canwholepeeledtomatoes,halved1cup(240ml)drywhitewine1cup(240ml)beefstock1tablespoonfreshchoppedthyme2tablespoonsgroundcumin2tablespoonspaprikaSaltandpepper,totasteCayenne,totastePistachionuts,togarnish(optional)Cookedwildrice,toserve(optional)
1Heat2–3tablespoonsoftheoliveoilinapanoverahighheatandsearthelambuntilitgetsagoodcoloranddoesn’tburn.
2Sautétheonionsandgarlicintheremainingoliveoiloveramedium-highheatuntiltheonionsbecometranslucentandsoft.Thenaddthechoppedcarrotsandceleryandsautéforanother7minutes,oruntilthevegetablesbegintosoften.
3AddalltheremainingingredientsexceptthepistachiosandwildricetoasouppotorDutchovenandstirtogether,makingsureeverythingisevenlyincorporated.
4Simmerforatleast2hours,oruntilthelambistenderandfallingoffthebone.Youwillneedtoperiodicallycheckonit,stir,taste,andadjustthe
bone.Youwillneedtoperiodicallycheckonit,stir,taste,andadjustthespices,ifnecessary.
5Whendone,removethebonesfromthestewanddiscard.Breakupthepiecesoflambwithaspoon.
6Serveoverabedofcookedwildrice.
INSPIREDBYASONGOFICEANDFIRE
BOWLO’BROWN
Therearemany,manymouthwateringdescriptionsoffoodinGeorgeR.R.Martin’sepictale,andonemightwonderwhyIchosethequestionableback-alleyconcoctionofKing’sLanding’spoorestfolk(thatphraseworkstwoways!)toputinthiscollection.I’mnotsurewhy,butIthinkmostwouldagreethatit’soneofthemorememorabledishesintheseries.Itmightbethemysteryofwhat’sinside,whichfrequentlyincludesrats,pigeons,andpossibly,insomeofthemoredubiouspotshops,averyunfortunateperson.Ofcourse,therearealsoturnips,barley,carrots,andotherhumblevegetables.AryaStarkwaspronetowolfingdown(punnotintended,butI’mhappywithit)aniceBowlo’BrownduringhertimeasastreeturchininKing’sLanding.
Thisrecipeisdefinitelyflexible;prettymuchanythingcanbeaddedtoit.Irecommendchoosingatleastthreedifferentkindsofcheapmeatthatyou’renotentirelycomfortablewith,becausewhat’saASoIaF/GameofThronesrecipe
withoutalittlediscomfort?Iusedchickenlegs,porkchumpend,andoxtailanditturnedoutprettyfantastic.Ofcourse,nomeatisturneddown,soifthatonepersonthatdrivesyouupthewallweretosuddenlydisappear…*
*Don’tkillpeople;leavetheassassinationtoArya.
SERVES5–6
2pounds(900g)meat(s)ofyourchoice(preferablycheapercutswithbones)Saltandpepperoranyseasoningsofyourchoice,totaste6tablespoonsbutter,divided
11/2largeyellowonions,peeledandchopped6clovesgarlic,chopped6mediummushrooms,sliced2turnips,peeledandchopped1largepotato,peeledandchopped2mediumcarrots,chopped32ouncesor1quart(950ml)beefbroth16ouncesor2cups(475ml)ale1/4cup(60ml)Worcestershiresauce1/2cup(100g)uncookedpearlbarley1bayleaf2tablespoonsflour
1Seasonthemeatwithsaltandpepperandbrownin3tablespoonsofthebutter.Addthebrownedmeattoaslowcooker.
2Inthesamepaninwhichyoubrownedthemeat,addtherestofthebutter,onions,andgarlicandsautéuntiltheonionsstarttosoftenandturntranslucent.
3Addthemushroomsandcontinuetosautéforacoupleminutes.
4Finally,addtheturnips,potato,andcarrots,andsautéfor5minutes.
5Addthesautéedveggiestotheslowcooker,thenaddthebeefbroth,ale,Worcestershiresauce,barley,bayleaf,saltandpepper,andanyotherseasoningsyouwanttouse.
6Cookforatleast4hoursonahighheatsettingonaslowcooker.
7Sprinkleabitofflourintothesoupandstirin—thiswillhelpthickenit—graduallyaddingmoreuntilyougetthedesiredthickness.
8Adjusttheheattolowandcookforacouplemorehours,oruntilthemeatistender.Itgetsbetterthelongeritstews!
INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA
ELIXIRSOUP
ELIXIRSOUP
YoucanprobablyseethatIlikeZeldaalot,asithasinspiredmanyoftherecipesinthisbook.Sofar,ElixirSouphasonlyappearedinoneZeldagame,TheWindwaker.TheWindwakerisabitofanunderdogintheseriesbecauseitisstylisticallysimpleincomparisontothecriticallyacclaimedandmuch-belovedOcarinaofTime.
Linkreceivesthissoupfromhisadorablegrandmotherafterhealingherillnesswithacapturedfairy.Thesoupisbrightyellowandisdescribedasbothhealthyandhearty—itfullyreplenishesLink’slifeandmagicbaranddoubleshisattackpower!Icanseewhyit’shisfavorite.Andunlikeotherpotionsinthegame,Linksmileswhenhedrinksthis.
SERVES5–7
6tablespoonsbutter1yellowonion,chopped3clovesgarlic,minced1pound(450g)yellowsquash,chopped2carrots,chopped1/4cup(40g)cauliflower,chopped2turnips,peeledandchopped4tablespoonslemonjuice1yellowchili,seededandchopped(optional)32ouncesor4cups(950ml)chickenorveggiestock,dividedSaltandpepper,totasteChivesorgreenonions,finelychoppedYellowfoodcoloring(optional)
1Meltthebutterinalargepotovermedium-lowheatandcooktheyellowonionandgarlicuntilsoftened,around8–10minutes.
2Addthesquash,carrots,cauliflower,turnips,lemonjuice,chili(ifusing),andhalfofthebrothandbringtoaboil.
3Reducetheheat,thensimmeruntilthevegetablesareverytender,about20minutes.
4Removefromtheheatandletcoolforabout10minutes,oruntilthesoupwon’tburnyou.
5Puréethesoupinablenderorfoodprocessoruntilsmooth(becarefulwithhotliquids)andtransfertoasaucepanorpot.
6Seasonwithsaltandpepper.
6Seasonwithsaltandpepper.
7Simmeronlowuntilreadytoserve,addingmorebrothuntilthesoupreachesthedesiredconsistency.Addafewdropsofthefoodcoloring,ifdesired.
8Transfertoyourservingvessel(preferablyacorkedglassbottle)andsprinklethechoppedchivesorgreenonionsonthesurfaceofthesouptogarnish.Drinkitwithasmile!
INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA
YETO’SSUPERBSOUP
Asmentionedintheforeword,thiswastherecipethatinspiredmetocreateGeekyChef,soitholdsaverydearplaceinmyheartandstomach.
InTwilightPrincess,LinkistoldthatamonsterhasbeenseenaroundZora’sdomainandseemstohaveanaffinityforreekfish,whichisasortofred-coloredfishknownforitspungentsmell.Youtrackdownthemonsterbyfollowingthescentofthereekfishintothesnowymountains.Uponfindingthe“monster,”youdiscoverthatheisayetinamedYetowholivesintheSnowpeakRuinswithhiswife.TheYeti’swife(Yeta)hasfallenillandthereekfishisneededtogointhesoupthatwillmakeherfeelbetter.WhenyouarriveintheruinsYetopreparesthesoup’sreekfishbase,buthewantstoaddmoreingredientstomakethesoupevenbetter.Sohesendsyouofftoperilouslyretrieveapumpkinandsomegoatcheesefromadifferentareaoftheruins.There’sjustsomethingaboutcomingbacktothewarmkitchenoftheicyabandonedruinswhereYetoisbrewingagiantcauldronofsoupthat’sverycomforting.
ThisrecipeisprettysimplebecauseIwantedthethreemainingredientstoshine;everythingelseisjusttheretocomplementandenhance.I’vereviseditslightlyfromtheversionthatisontheblog,butnotmuch.Thisistrulyoneofmyfavoritesoups,andIhopeyouguysenjoyitasmuchasIdo!
SERVES8–10
2pounds(900g)kabochaorpumpkin,seeded,peeled,anddiced1mediumwhiteonion,chopped5clovesgarlic,cutintoquarters1/4cup(50ml)oliveoil41/2cups(1L)fish,chicken,orvegetablestock,divided1–2salmonfilletsSaltandpepper,totaste1/2cup(75g)goatcheeseAbout1cup(240ml)creamFreshbasilleaves,totaste
1Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).
2Tossthepumpkin,onion,andgarlicinabowlwithabitofoliveoiluntiltheyareallcoated.
3Roastthevegetablesintheovenonabakingsheetuntiltheyaretender,about45minutes,andhavenicebrownededges.Transfertoasouppotovermediumheat.
4Add33/4cups(890ml)ofstocktothepotandsimmerforupto45minutes,oruntilallthevegetablesarefullycooked.
5Meanwhile,seasonthesalmonfilletswithalittlesaltandpepperandpan-fryuntilcookedthrough.Setaside.
6Transferthesouptoafoodprocessorandblenduntilsmooth—youmayneedtodothisinbatchesdependingonthesizeofyourfoodprocessor.
7Blendinsmallamountsofthegoatcheesealongwiththecream.Addtheremainingstocktothesoupuntilitreachesyourpreferredthickness.
8Flakethecookedsalmonandaddtosoup.
9Tearinafewbasilleaves,tasteforflavor,andaddsaltandpepperifneeded.
INSPIREDBYSTARTREK
PLOMEEKSOUP
ThisisadishthathasappearedthroughoutmostoftheStarTrekseries,datingallthewaybacktoTOS.ItisatraditionalbreakfastdishoftheVulcans,alsocalledPlomeekBroth.Intheoriginalseries,ChristineChapelservesthesouptoSpockduringhisPonFarr(sortoflikeVulcanmatingseason—Vulcansbecomealittlepsychoticduringthistime),andSpockthrowsthebowlather.ThereweremanyreferencesandappearancesontheEnterpriseasthesoupseemedtobeafavoriteofT’Pol.
Vulcans(unlikeusillogicalhumans)eatforpracticalpurposesonly,notforpleasure,somostoftheirfoodisconsideredprettyblandandboringbyhumanstandards.Vulcansarealsoveganbynaturesotheirfooddoesnotcontainanyanimalproducts.Plomeeksoupisnodifferentinthoseregards;however,thesoupcanbespicedupabit.OnDS9,Bashirordersitwitha“touchofbasil,”andonVoyager,NeelixmakesaversionthatTuvokfindstobe“toospicy.”The
soupdoesn’tseemtohaveastandardcolororconsistency,asitappearstolookdifferenteachtimeitisshown,makingitlogicaltoassumethatthedishisflexible.Ihavemadeavegansoupthatissimpletastingandnutritious(thoughprobablyalittle“spicy”byVulcanstandards),servedwithjustatouchofbasil.Eatthisandyouwilldefinitelylivelongand(maybe)prosper.
SERVES8–10
2tablespoonsoliveoil1leek,chopped4tablespoonsgarlic,minced1mediumcarrot,peeledandchopped1/2cup(38g)limabeans1/2cup(75g)cauliflowerflorets,chopped1cup(150g)peas64ouncesor2quarts(1.8L)vegetablestock3mediumtomatoes,chopped1cup(175g)cornkernelsSaltandpepper,totaste2tablespoonsfreshparsley,chopped5basilleaves,slicedintostrips2teaspoonslemonjuice
1Heattheoliveoilinalargestockpotonmediumheat.
2Addtheleekandgarlicandcookuntiltheleekbeginstosoften.
3Addthecarrots,limabeans,cauliflower,andpeasandcookforabout5moreminutes,stirringoccasionally.
4Increasetheheattohighandaddthestock.Bringtoasimmer.
5Onceit’ssimmering,addthetomatoesandcorn.
6Bringheattolowandcookwithpotcovereduntilthevegetablesaretenderenoughtopierceeasilywithafork,about30minutes.Don’tovercook.
7Atthispoint,addthesaltandpepper.
8Removefromtheheatandblendtogetherinafoodprocessor—it’salotofsoupsoyoumightneedtodoitinbatches.
9Addtheparsley,basil,andlemonjuicerightbeforeserving.
INSPIREDBYWORLDOFWARCRAFT
DRAGONBREATHCHILI
IhadtoincludesomethingfromthestillundefeatedchampionofMMORPGs,WorldofWarcraft.WoWistheMMOversionofBlizzard’s1994hitgameWarcraft.Atthepeakofitspopularity,thegamehadovertenmillionsubscribersworldwide.ImyselfhavespentagooddealofmylifeinAzerothandIdon’tregretit.Thoughthegamehasareputationforbeingaddictiveandisolating,WoWhasbeenanimportantplaceforgeekseverywheretogatherandbuildadiverseandvibrantcommunity.Spend,like,tenminutesinBarrenschatandyou’llseewhatImean.
Asplayersknow,therearehundredsoffooditemsinWorldofWarcraft.ThereasonIchoseDragonbreathChiliisbecauseithasoneofthemostdramaticfoodeffectsinthegame.Also,chiliisagreatfoodtoeatwhileplayingWoWbecauseit’seasytoreheat,it’sversatile,it’snutritious,andyourkeyboardwon’tgetallgreasy—plus,it’seasytoreheat.Iknowpizzatendstobethegamingfoodofchoice,butI’mtellingyou,chiliiswhereit’sat.Thisrecipeisa
modifiedversionofmyfavoritegamingchili,madesohotyou’llbebreathingfire.Thesecretingredientiscoffee,whichIknowsoundskindaweird,butitaddsagreatdepthofflavorand,ofcourse,caffeine.Beforeyoudoyourdailies,prepthechiliandletitrollwhileyouquest—anhourortwolater,you’llhavesomedeliciousfueltogetyouthroughthegrind.Ispeakfromexperience.
SERVES8–12
1yellowonion,finelychoppedButteroroil,forfrying1–2habenerochilies,seededandfinelychopped1–2Jalapeños,seededandfinelychopped1poblanochili,seededandchopped1redbellpepper,seededandchopped6clovesgarlic,minced
21/2pounds(1.1kg)groundmysterymeat(yourchoice)3/4cup(180ml)spicyV8juice1/2cup(120ml)strongbrewedcoffee2×15.5-ounce(439g)cansredkidneybeans,drained2×14.5-ounce(411g)cansdicedtomatoes
8-ounce(227g)cantomatosauce4tablespoonschilipowder4tablespoonsgroundcumin2tablespoonsonionpowder1tablespoonsmokedpaprikaSaltandpepper,totaste
1Sautétheonioninsomebutteroroiloveramedium-highheatforabout2minutes.Addthechiliesandredpepperandsautéforanother2minutes.Addthegarlicandcontinuetocookuntileverythingislightlycaramelized,about5minutes.
2Inaseparatepan,brownthegroundmysterymeat.Trynottobreakituptoomuchwhilebrowningifyouwantbiggerpiecesofmeatinthechili.Afterit’sdonebrowning,draintheexcessfat,ifnecessary.
3Addthemeattotheonionsandpeppersandmixtogether.
4TransfereverythingtoastockpotorDutchovenwithalltheremainingingredientsandstirtogetheroverahighheatfor5minutes,oruntilitstartstobubble.
5Reducetheheattolowandsimmerthechili,uncovered,foraround2hours.Stirandtasteperiodicallytoseeifyouwanttoaddmorespices.Chilitendstoburnandhardenonthebaseofthepot,soit’sgoodtoscrapethebottomwithawoodenspoonoccasionally.
6Servewithyourfavoritechilifixin’s.
ENTRÉESAdventureTime:BACONPANCAKES
TheAvengers:SHAWARMADeadlyPremonition:SINNER’SSANDWICH
Defiance:BULGARASHKHANStarTrek:HASPERAT
TheLegendofZelda:ROCKSIRLOINPulpFiction:BIGKAHUNABURGER
Redwall:DEEPER’N’EVERPIEStarTrek:GAGH
INSPIREDBYADVENTURETIME
BACONPANCAKES
AdventureTimeisananimatedseriesonCartoonNetworkthatfollowsJaketheDogandFinntheHumanintheirwackyadventuresinthelandofOoo.Itbeganasananimatedshortthatwentviralandeventuallybecameitsownseries.AdventureTimemakesfrequentreferencestovideogames,epicfantasies,andothergeekystuff.Thoughthetargetaudienceisprimarilychildren,AdventureTimeappealstochildrenandadultsalike…especiallyadultswhofeelliketheyarejustreallytallkids.
Oneofthemanyfunanduniquethingsabouttheshowisthemusic.Thisparticulargemofarecipecomesfromalittledittycalled,yep,youguessedit,“BaconPancakes,”writtenbyRebeccaSugar.ItissungbyJaketheDogduringtheepisode“BurningLow”ashemakesbreakfast.Theconceptofbaconpancakesisprettysimple:youtakesomebaconandputitinapancake,andthentopthecakesoffwithsomemaplesyrupforabreakfastthatistrulymathematical!
MAKES10PANCAKES
10stripsofbacon,frieduntilcrispy1cup(120g)flour2tablespoonssugar1teaspoonbakingpowderPinchofbakingsoda2tablespoonsbutter,melted,plusextraforfrying3/4cup(180g)buttermilk1eggPinchofsaltMaplesyrup,toserve
1Combinetheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,andbakingsodainamixingbowl.
2Inaseparatebowl,whisktogetherthebutterandbuttermilk,thenwhiskintheegg.
3Tiptheflourmixtureintothebuttermilkmixtureandwhisktogetheruntilitislump-free.
4Preparealargeskilletbymeltingsomebuttertopreventthebatterfromsticking,thenaddasmanybaconstripsasyoucanputintheskilletwithenoughdistancebetweeneachonetoaddthepancakebatter.Youwillprobablyhavetodothisinbatches.
5Pourthepancakebatterdownthelengthofeachbaconstripuntilitiscovered.Makesurethebatteraroundonebaconstripdoesnottouchthebattercoveringaneighboringstripofbacon—youwantthemtobeindividualpancakesandrectangular-ish.
pancakesandrectangular-ish.
6Cookuntilthepancakebatterstartstobubbleonthesurface,thenflipthemoverandbrowntheotherside.Repeatuntiltherearenomoreslicesofbacon.Drizzlewithmaplesyrupandserve.Defiance.
INSPIREDBYTHEAVENGERS
SHAWARMA
Thisoneappearedinthe2012filmversionofMarvel’sbelovedcomicseriesTheAvengers.It’snosecretthatIloveJossWhedon,becauseIfrequentlyremindpeopleofthisfact.TheShawarmajokeactuallyhasanawesomedouble-geekmeaning.AttheendofNicholasBrenden’sauditionfortheroleofXanderinBuffytheVampireSlayer,heaskedeverybodyoutforShawarma.JossWhedonfoundithilariousandthegesturemayhaveultimatelylandedhimtherole.Overadecadelater,TonyStarkcasuallyinvitestherestoftheAvengersoutforShawarmaaftersavingNewYorkfromanextra-terrestrialinvasion.Afterthefilm’scredits,youcanseetheexhaustedAvengersquietlyenjoyingaShawarmatogetherinalocalNewYorkjoint.
AfterwatchingTheAvengers,IwentoutandtriedsomeShawarmafromalocaleateryandwasmuchdelighted.ShawarmaisanArabicmeatpreparation,involvingroastingmeatsonaverticalspitforhours.Shavingsofthemeatarecutandstuffedintoapocketofpitabreadwithvariousveggiesandsauces.Despitenothavingaccesstoaspitathome,thereareafewwaysofmakingadecenthomemadeShawarma.Soonyou’llbechowingdownonsomejustlike
ThorinTheAvengers.Seriously,watchitagain.Heislovingit.
SERVES4–6
Forthechicken1pound(450g)bonelessskinlesschickenbreast1pound(450g)bonelessskinlesschickenthighs1/4cup(60ml)oliveoil6clovesgarlic,minced2teaspoonsgroundcumin1teaspooncurrypowder1teaspoonpaprika1teaspoonturmeric1teaspoonallspicePinchofcayennepepperSaltandpepper,totaste
Forthesauce3/4cup(175g)plainGreekyogurt1/2cup(120g)tahini4tablespoonslemonjuice2clovesgarlic,minced2greenonions,finelychopped2teaspoonsgroundcuminSaltandpepper,totaste1–2tablespoonsoliveoil,forfrying
Forthepita4largepitasor8smallpitasRedonions,thinlysliced,totasteTomatoes,thinlysliced,totasteCucumber,thinlysliced,totaste
1Slicethechickenbreastsandthighsinto2-inch-(5cm)thickstripsandputinamixingbowl.Addtheoliveoilandalloftheremainingchickeningredientsandcombine,makingsurethechickenpiecesareevenlycoatedwithoilandspices.
2Transferthecoatedchickentoazip-topplasticbagandleavetomarinateinthefridgeforaslongaspossible—preferablyovernight,butforatleast2hours.
3Preheatyourovento400°F(200°C).Placethechickenonanaluminumfoil–linedbakingsheetandroastforabout15minutes,turningthepiecesoverhalfwaythroughthecookingtime.
4Removethechickenfromtheovenandletitrestforafewminutes.Meanwhile,makethesaucebythoroughlycombiningallofthesauceingredients.Setaside.
5Thinlyslicethecookedchicken.
6Heattheoliveoilinalargesautépan,addtheslicedchicken,andsautéuntilitturnsbrownandcrispontheedges.Besurenottoovercrowdthepan—youmayhavetodothisinbatches.Youcanaddsomeadditionalspices(fromthechickensection)atthispointifyoulikethingsspicier.
7Timetoassemblethepita!Ifdesired,grillyourpitaslightlyforaboutaminuteoneachside.Openthepitaandevenlyspreadthesauceinside,thenfillthepocketwiththechicken,onions,tomatoes,andcucumbertoyourpersonalpreferences.Enjoy!
INSPIREDBYDEADLYPREMONITION
SINNER’SSANDWICH
DeadlyPremonitionisdefinitelyauniqueexperience.There’salotofdepthandvarietytothisvideogame,buttherearealsoalotofthingsthatdon’tmakesense.Thelatteraddstothecharmforfansofthegame…andalienatesagoodamountofotherpeople.It’sbeendescribedasagoodbadgame,andIthinkthatsumsitupprettywell.
ThissandwichappearsinanoptionalcutsceneintheA&GDiner,whereinHarryStewartstopsbytoorderitwhileYork(theprotagonistofthegame)andEmilyarehavinglunch.YorkoriginallythinksMr.Stewartiseatingthisbizarresandwichtopunishhimself,but,usingrhymesandthefrequentrepeatingof“sosaysMr.Stewart,”Yorkispersuadedtogiveitatry.Surprisingly,ormaybeunsurprisingly,Yorklovesit.
EatingthissandwichisactuallyalotlikeplayingDeadlyPremonitioninthatyoufeellikeyoushouldn’tlikeitbecauseitdoesn’tmakeanysense,butyoukindadoanywaybecauseit’sstrangelyaddictive.TheflavorcombinationissimilartotheiconicThanksgivingsandwich—similarinmuchthesamewayDeadlyPremonitionissimilartoTwinPeaks—yetit’ssomehowevenmorebizarre.Irecommendaddingabitofheatforsomeextrapunishment.Thatseemslikeagoodidea,doesn’tit,Zach?Mycoffeesaysso.
MAKES1SANDWICH
Spicychipotlesandwichspreadorspicymayo(optional)2sliceswhitebread1/8poundor2ounces(50g)cookedturkeyslicesArugula,totaste1–2slicespepperjackcheese1tablespoonstrawberryjam1/4cup(7g)Chexcereal
1Smearthespicysandwichspreadofyourchoiceontooneoftheslicesofwhitebread.
2Topthespreadwiththeturkeyslices.
3Scatterthearugulaovertheturkey.
4Placethecheeseontopofthearugula.
5Ontheothersliceofbread,spreadthestrawberryjam.
6PresstheChexontopofthejam.
7Atthispoint,youcanchoosewhethertoeatthesandwichwiththecerealandjamontopasitappearsinmostofthecutscenes,oryoucanfacethatpiecedownandenjoyithowitappearswhenYorkactuallyeatsit.
downandenjoyithowitappearswhenYorkactuallyeatsit.
8Atoneforyoursins.
INSPIREDBYDEFIANCE
BULGARASHKHAN
DefianceisashowontheSyfynetworkwithacorrespondingMMORPG.IttakesplacearoundthirtyyearsinthefutureafterabunchofalienraceshavearrivedonEarthandterraformedtheentireplanet.ThestoryfollowsthehumansandalienscoexistinginatowncalledDefiance,formerlySt.Louis,Missouri.DefianceexistsindependentlyoftheEarthRepublic,whichcontrolsthemajorityofwhatwasonceNorthAmerica.Becausethetowndoesnotexcludeanytype,itisameltingpotofalienraces,whoallbringtheirownculturalinfluences,includingfood.
BulgarAshkhanisatraditionaldishoftheCastithanrace—aracewhoarepaleandnicetolookatbuthaveatendencytobearrogantandself-serving.Thedishisseenintheseason1episode“BrothersinArms”whenitispreparedforalienmobbossandquasi-villainDatakTar.Itlookslikepinkoatmealbutisclearlysavory,giventheidentifiableingredientsshownonthepreparationtable:redchili,bellpepper,andspices.WhenIfirstheardthecharacterssay“BulgarAshkhan,”Ithoughttheywerereferringtoactualbulgur(thewheat),soIhaveincludedthatintheingredientsandmadeasortofspicypinkcurry.Noshtako,itisdelicious!
SERVES5–6
1redonion,chopped3clovesgarlic,mincedButteroroil,forsautéing1largeredbellpepper,seededandchopped1–2redchilies,seededandchopped1pound(450g)groundpow(pork)10freshbasilleaves,whole2tablespoonsfishsauce1cup(180g)bulgur,cookedanddrained2tablespoonsredcurrypaste
11/2cups(355ml)coconutmilkBeetjuiceorpinkfoodcoloring(forcolor)
1Inalargepan,sautétheonionandgarlicinoilorbutterovermedium-highheatuntiltheonionsaretranslucent.
heatuntiltheonionsaretranslucent.
2Addthebellpepperandchiliandsautéfor5moreminutes.
3Addthegroundpork,basil,andfishsaucetotheveggiesandstirtocombine,breakingupthepork.Cookuntilthemeatisnolongerpink.
4Tipthecookedbulgurintotheporkmixtureandcombinethoroughly,continuingtosautéonmedium–lowheat.
5Stirintheredcurrypaste—itshouldevenlycoateverythinginthepan—thenaddthecoconutmilkandstirsomemore.
6Letsimmer,uncovered,forabout10minutes.Addthebeetjuiceorfoodcoloringrightbeforeyou’replanningtoserveandstirtomakesurethecolorisevenlydispersed.
INSPIREDBYSTARTREK
HASPERAT
HasperathasappearedinthreeStarTrekseries:Voyager,TNG,andmostofteninDS9.It’satraditionalBajorandish,madefromabrinethatisknownforbeingspicyenoughtomakeone’seyeswaterandfigurativelysetthemouthonfire.Ifelttheneedtoclarify“figuratively”becausethisisStarTrekwe’retalkingabout—anythingcananddoeshappen.Hasperatismentioned(andeaten)prettyofteninDeepSpace9,asthisparticularseriestakesplaceinBajoranterritory.ItisalsoafavoriteofTNG’sEnsignRo,whosefathermadeanespeciallystrongHasperat.
Hasperatgenerallyappearsasawraporburritoandiseatenwiththehands.So,thisrecipeisforagrilledwrapwithhotpickledveggies(forthebrinedelement)andhotsauce,complementedbycheese,avocado,andonions.Itwillmakeyoureyeswaterandwilldefinitelysearyourtongue,butitwillbesotasty,you’llhappilyendurethepain.Thismakesforawonderfullightlunchoranon-the-gomealtotaketotheholodeckoronanawaymissionoutsideyourhomeafterwatchingStarTrekallday.
MAKES2HASPERAT
2largetortillas1/2cupor4ounces(115g)creamcheeseHotsauce(totaste)
1/2cupor2ounces(55g)shreddedMontereyJackcheese1/4avocado,peeled,destonedandthinlysliced1/2redonion,chopped1/2cup(70g)hotpickledvegetables,chopped1/4cup(15g)spinachorarugulaleaves
1Zap(orphaser)yourtortillasinthemicrowaveonhighcoveredwithadamppieceofpapertowelforafewsecondssotheyarepliable.
2Inasmallbowl,mixthecreamcheesewiththedesiredamountofhotsauce.Spreadthismixtureonyourtortillas,makingsuretocompletelycoverthem—thisiswhat’sgoingtoholdthewraptogether.
3Layerthecheeseontop,thentopwiththeavocado,onion,spinachorarugula,andhotpickledvegetables.
4Rollupthetortillastightlyandtuckintheends.Ifyouwish,youcanlightlygrillthemoneachsideforafewminutes.
5Cuteachwrapinhalfdiagonallyandserve.
INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA
ROCKSIRLOIN
RockSirloinorSirloinRockshasbeenmentionedorappearedinthreeZeldagames:OoT,MM,andTP.Itisa“food”itemeatenonlybytheGoronrace,whosedietconsistssolelyofrocks.TheRockSirloinissortoflikethelobsterofGoroncuisine:it’sfancy.It’sonlyfoundinDondongo’sCavern,makingitarareandsomewhatdangerousdelicacy.InMajora’sMask,gettingaRockSirloinisnecessarytoobtainoneofthegame’smanymasks.
RockSirloinappearsasrocksintheshapeofacutofmeatthatonlyseemstoexistinJapanesecartoons.IimaginethatGoron’sRockSirloiniscrunchyontheoutsideandfilledwithtenderearthy/meatyflavorontheinside.So,ImadeasimplifiedbutincrediblytastyversionofabeefWellington,whichistenderbeefcoatedwithduxellesandwrappedinacrispy,butterypuffpastry,whichjustsohappenstolooklikearockwhencooked.Theflavorisbothearthyandrich.Drawyourselfabath,putonSaria’sSong,andpretendyou’reaGoronluxuriatinginahotspringwhileeatingadeliciousRockSirloin.
SERVES1–212mediummushrooms
12mediummushrooms4shallots,peeledanddicedFreshthyme,totaste,chopped3tablespoonsbutter,dividedSaltandpepper,totaste1/4cup(60ml)sherry6ounces(170g)high-qualitysteak,cutintotwopieces1sheetready-madepuffpastry,thawed2–3slicesprosciutto
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).
2Finelymincethemushroomsinafoodprocessor.
3Cookthemushrooms,shallots,andthymein1tablespoonofbutterwiththesaltandpepperuntiltheybegintobrown.
4Addanothertablespoonofbutterand,whenmelted,addthesherry.Sautéuntilalltheliquidisabsorbed,thenremovefromheatandsetasidetocool.
5Wrapeachpieceofsteakintwinetomakearoundshape.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.
6Inahotpanoverhighheat,brownbothpiecesofsteakin1tablespoonofbutterfor1–11/2minutesoneachside.Whendone,removethetwineandletthemeatrest.
7Unrollthepuffpastrysheetandlayerontheprosciutto,thenthemushroommixture.
8Inthecenterofthepastrysheet,placebothpiecesofmeat,sidebyside.
9Foldthepastryoverthemeattocreateafigureeightorinfinity-typeshape.Cutoffanyexcessdough.
10Bakeonaparchment-linedcookiesheetfor15–20minutes,oruntilthepastryisaflakygoldenbrown.
11Removefromtheovenandskewereitherendwithcornskewers.Enjoy!
INSPIREDBYPULPFICTION
BIGKAHUNABURGER
QuentinTarantino’sfilmsarenoteveryone’scupofhomicidaltea,buttheyhaveastrongcultfollowingandarewidelyacknowledgedfortheirmemorablecharacters,excellentdialogue,andwell-choreographedviolence.Personally,Iamahugefan.ThefictionalburgerjointBigKahunaBurgerismentionedinseveralofQuentinTarantino’sfilms,butthemostmemorablereferenceoccursintheclassicPulpFiction,intheinfamousscenewhenJulesandVincentbustinontheunfortunatefolkswhowrongedMarcellusWallaceandproceedtoeattheirburgersandshootuptheplace.
So,BigKahunaBurgerisclearlyaHA-waiian-themedburgerjoint,butwhatJulesappearstobeeatinginthesceneisatypicalfast-foodburger.IwantedtoreconcilethosetwothingssothattheburgerwouldtasteHawaiianbutlooklikethegenericburgerinthescene.Ifigured,intruefast-foodtradition,toputthedifferentiatingelementinthepattyitself.Thepattiesaremadewithpineappleandbaconmixedintothebeefandcoatedinteriyakisauce.Makesuretoeatthembeforeeleveninthemorningbecausehamburgersare,intheimmortal
thembeforeeleveninthemorningbecausehamburgersare,intheimmortalwordsofJules,thecornerstoneofanynutritiousbreakfast.
MAKES6–8BURGERS
1pound(450g)groundbeef10slicesbacon,cookedcrispyandcrumbled1/2redonion,minced1egg20-ounce(567g)cancrushedpineapple,thoroughlydrained2tablespoonsbreadcrumbsSaltandpepper,totasteTeriyakiglaze,tocoat6–8plainhamburgerbuns6–8slicescheddarcheeseExcessiveketchupPickles,tomato,onion,andmayo,toserve(optional)6–8leavesiceberglettuce(optional)
1Heatagrilltomedium.Youcanalsouseafryingpanovermedium-highheat.
2Inamixingbowl,combinethegroundbeef,bacon,onion,egg,crushedpineapple,breadcrumbs,andsaltandpepper.
3Form6–8meatpattiesfromthemixture—theirsizewilldependonhowlargethebunsare.
4Coateachpattywithteriyakiglaze.
5Grillorfrythepattiesonbothsidestothedesireddoneness.
6Whilethepattiesarecooking,toastthebuns.
7Whenthepattiesaredone,glazeeachoneagainwithmoreteriyaki,thentopwithasliceofcheese.
8Spreadsomeketchupoverthecheeseandplacethepattiesonthebottombun.Loadupwithanyadditionalburgertoppingsyouwanttouse,thenfinishwithsomelettuceleaves.Closeeachburgerwiththetopbunandpressdown.
9Usetheburgerasaneffectiveintimidationtechniquebecauseyouarebad…andwashdownwithatastybeverage—likeSprite!
INSPIREDBYREDWALL
DEEPER’N’EVERPIE
Redwallisoneofthoseseriesthat’sjustfilledwithbeautifuldescriptionsoffood.Candiedchestnuts,dandelioncordials,honey-coveredhotcakes,shrimpgarnishedwithcreamandroseleaves…Icouldn’tpossiblycoverallofit.FormorescrumptiousRedwallrecipesfromtheauthorhimself,BrianJacques,IrecommendalsoaddingTheOfficialRedwallCookbooktoyournerdycookbookcollection.
Deeper’n’EverPie’sfulltitleisDeeper’n’EverTurnip’n’Tater’n’BeetrootPie.So,forsomecontext,thecharactersintheRedwallseriesareallanthropomorphicanimals(primarilywoodlandcreatures)withcultures,dialects,anddispositionsthataredeterminedbyanimaltype.Thispieisthefavoritedishofthemoles,whounsurprisinglyenjoyrootvegetables.Iaddedcheeseandherbstomakeadeliciousandearthypiethatwillhopefullymakethemolessay,“Boi’eck,oiloikdispie,yeszurr!Quoitenoice,saysoi!”
MAKES2PIES
Forthecrust2cups(240g)all-purposeflour
2cups(240g)all-purposeflourPinchofsalt1/4cupor1/2stick(56g)butter,chilled1/2cup(120ml)icewater1/3poundor5ounces(140g)Gruyère,
grated1/3poundor5ounces(140g)smokedGouda,grated
Forthefilling1cup(235ml)milk2tablespoonsbutter4shallots,peeledandsliced4clovesgarlic,minced1tablespoonfreshthyme,chopped1tablespoonsmokedpaprika1tablespoonnutmegSaltandpepper,totaste1cup(225ml)sourcream
1largeturnip,boiled,peeled,andcutinto1/4-inch(6-mm)thickslices1goldenpotato,boiled,peeled,andcutinto1/4-inch(6-mm)thickslices1smallbeet,boiled,peeled,andcutinto1/4-inch(6-mm)thickslices1piecrustand1sheetofpiedoughforthelid
1/3poundor5ounces(140g)Gruyère,grated1/3poundor5ounces(140g)smokedGouda,grated
1Tomakethecrust,combinetheflourandsaltinalargemixingbowl.Cutthebutterintosmallpiecesandaddtotheflour.Usingyourfingers,pressthebutterintotheflouruntilitreachesacrumblytexture.Addtheicewater,alittleatatime,untilthedoughbindsandcanbeformedintoaball.Wrapinplasticwrapandrefrigerateforatleast2hours.
2Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).Rollthedoughouttofita9-inch(23cm)piepan.Placethecrustinthepanandcarefullyandevenlypressthedoughintoitsbottomandsides.Trimanyexcessdoughandsetaside.Sprinklealittleofbothcheesesintothecrusttojustcoverthebase.
3Tomakethefilling,addthemilk,butter,shallots,garlic,thyme,paprika,nutmeg,andsaltandpeppertoasmallpan.Simmeruntiltheshallotssoften.Removethemilkandshallotmixturefromtheheatandstirinthesourcream.
4Coverthecheesycrustwithalayerofbeets.Spoonsomeofthecreamyshallotsauceoverthebeetsandtopwithanotherlayerofcheese.Ontopofthecheese,addalayerofpotatoes.Coverthepotatoeswithalayerofcreamyshallotsauceandthenmorecheese.Addalayerofturnipsontopofthepotato/sauce/cheeselayersandcoverwithmoreshallotsauceandcheese.
5Rollouttheremainingdoughandcoverthepiefilling.Pressdownontheedgestoseal,thentrimtheexcessdough.
6Cutslitsinthecenterofthepieasvents.Bakeintheovenfor20minutes,oruntilthepiecrustisgoldenandflaky.
untilthepiecrustisgoldenandflaky.
INSPIREDBYSTARTREK
GAGH
Klingons:they’refearlesswarriorsbuttheyeatsomenastyfoodsbyhumanstandards.GaghisapopularKlingondishcomposedofserpentworms.ItismentionedinTNG,DS9,andENT.OneofmyfavoriteepisodesofTNGis“AMatterofHonor,”inwhichRikerparticipatesinanofficerexchangeprogramandbecomesactingcommanderofaKlingonvessel.Amanaftermyownheart,RikersamplessomeKlingoncuisineinordertopreparehimselfforthismonumentalresponsibility,includingwhatlookslikeagiantoctopus,somethingcalledPipiusClaw,and,ofcourse,Gagh.Laterintheepisode,whileeatingdinnerwiththemembersofhisKlingoncrew,RikerispressuredtoeatGaghhowitissupposedtobeeaten:aliveandwriggling.AfterbeingteasedalittlebytheKlingoncrewmembers,RikereatstheGaghwithoutflinching,which
impressestheKlingons.RikerhimselfisimpressedthatKlingonsareactuallycapableofhumor,havingonlyhadLieutenantWorfasanexampleofKlingonbehavior.Basically,everyonelearnsmoreabouteachotherandmuchbondingensues.DefinitelyinmytoptenTNGepisodes.
Gaghcomesindifferentvarietiesandlooksalittledifferenteachtimeitisdepicted.Itriedtoemulatetheversionfrom“AMatterofHonor”withsomedeliciousstir-friednoodles.Thebestpartaboutmakingthisdishiswatchingasthe“worms”squirmwhenyoucookthem.Thatmaysoundkindagross,butIassureyou,theyaredelicious.Still,ifKlingonfoodistoostrongforyou…
SERVES2–4
4clovesgarlic,minced6greenonions,finelychopped10thinslicesbacon4mediummushrooms,thinlysliced1cup(70g)shreddedcabbage1bouilloncube3cups(750ml)water4–6tablespoonssoysauceHotsauce(Iusedsriracha),totaste8ounces(225g)udonnoodles5ounces(140g)regularordriedspinachfettuccinenoodles4–5dropsredfoodcoloring(optional)Lemonjuice,totaste
1Onmedium-highheat,sautéthegarlic,onions,andbaconinalarge,deeppanforacoupleofminutes.Addthemushroomsandcabbageandsautéforacouplemoreminutes,combiningeverything.
2Crumbleinthebouilloncube,pourinthewater,andleteverythingsimmerfor5minutes.
3Addthesoyandhotsaucesandcook,stirring,foraboutaminute.
4Stirintheudonandfettuccinenoodlessothattheyseparateandmixinwiththeotheringredients.
5Addafewdropsofredfoodcoloring,ifyoulike,andstirtospreadevenly.
6Cookuntilmostoftheliquidisabsorbedandthenoodlesaresoft.
7Whenserving,squeezeabitoflemonjuiceoverthenoodles.
CAKESandCUPCAKESASongofIceandFire:LEMONCAKES
Portal:DELICIOUSMOISTCAKESilentHill:BUTTERCAKES
Bioshock:CREME-FILLEDCAKESTheElderScrolls:SWEETROLLHarryPotter:CAULDRONCAKES
Minecraft:CAKEBLOCKSuperMarioBros.:1UPMUSHROOMCUPCAKES
StarTrek:CELLULARPEPTIDECAKEWITHMINTFROSTING
INSPIREDBYASONGOFICEANDFIRE
LEMONCAKES
Oh,thefoodofASongofIceandFire.Forsomeonewhoclaimsnottobeagreatcook,GeorgeR.R.Martinsureknowshowtomakeupsomemouthwateringfoodstuffs.ThereisaninfiniteamountoffoodstochoosefrominASoIaF,enoughtofillanentirecookbookofitsown.Happily,thereisone!AFeastofIceandFirewouldlookprettygoodnexttothiscookbookonyournerdycookbookshelf.It’sdefinitelyonmine!Asgreatastheofficialcookbookis,Ihadtotrymyhandatafewrecipesmyself.
OneofthemorememorablesweettreatsinASoIaFisSansaStark’sfavorite
pastry:LemonCakes.LemonCakesarementionedfairlyofteninthebooks,butnotdescribedindetail.Myimpressionofthemisthattheyareasortofteatimetreatforyounglordsandladiestoenjoy.Ipicturedthembeingrusticinappearance(bymodernstandards;they’dbefancyinElizabethantimesandbyWesterosistandards)andhavingadense,moisttexturewithintenselemonflavor.Mycakesarejustthat,andbakedwithacandiedlemonsliceforgarnish.
MAKES20CAKES
2lemons,thinlyslicedandseeded1cup(240ml)water
21/2cups(500g)granulatedsugar,dividedButter,ornonstickspray,forgreasing
21/2cups(280g)flour1/2teaspoonbakingpowder1/2teaspoonbakingsoda1teaspoonsalt1cup(225g)butter,softened2eggs2tablespoonslemonzest3/4cup(175ml)freshlemonjuice,divided1cup(240g)buttermilk
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseamuffintin.
2Boilthelemonslicesforabout15minutesinthewaterand1cup(200g)ofthesugar.Drainandsetaside.
3Inamixingbowl,combinetheflour,bakingpowder,bakingsoda,andsalt.
4Inanotherbowl,beatthebutterand1cup(200g)ofsugaruntillightandfluffy.Beatintheeggs,thenstirinthelemonzestand2tablespoonsofthelemonjuice.
5Beatintheflourmixtureandthenthebuttermilk.
6Place1lemonsliceinthebottomofeachmuffincupandpourthebatterovertheslices,dividingthebatterevenlyamongthecups.
7Bakeuntilthecakesarefirmandgolden,about15–20minutes.Removefromtheovenandletcool.
8Mixtogethertheremaininglemonjuiceandsugar.Pokeholesintothecakes,thenslowlypourthelemonandsugarmixtureoverthecakessothejuiceisabsorbedintothecakes.Setasidefor5–10minutes.
9Removethecakesfromthetrayandservelemon-slicesideup!
INSPIREDBYPORTAL
DELICIOUSMOISTCAKE
DELICIOUSMOISTCAKE
IfellinlovewithPortalalittlelate.Irememberafriendtellingmeaboutit—somethingaboutshootingportalsatwalls?Ididn’treallygetit.WhenIfinallygavethegameashotafewyearslater,Ispentthewholenightplayingthroughandfinisheditintheweehoursofthemorning,andthenpromptlypassedout.InPortal,youfindyourselfinaresearchfacilitywithnoideahowyougotthere.YouaretoldbyGLaDOS(anartificialintelligencewithsomeemotionalissues)thatifyoucompleteaseriesoftests,youwillbegivencakeandgriefcounseling.Soonyoufindoutthatthecakeisalie.
So,thecake.Theinfamous,ever-popular,andoften-referencedcake.ThereisanEasteregginthegameitselfwhereyoucanfindarecipeforcakewritteninbinarycode,buttherecipeisonlyaningredientslistforplainchocolatecakeandlacksinstructions…thoughitdoeshavesomegreatsuggestionsforgarnishes.Accordingtothedevelopers,thedesignofthecake(whichyoudofinallyseeattheendinmostversionsofthegame)wasinspiredbyarealcakefromtheChinesebakeryneartheirplaceofwork,identifiedasaBlackForestcake.BlackForestcakeisakindofGermancakethathaschocolate,whippedcream,cherries,andacherry-flavoredliquorcalledkirschwasser.Ithasfourlayersandisfilledwithboozychocolatecherrygoodness.Bakethiscakeandthrowabigpartythatallyourfriendsareinvitedto!Don’tforgettoinviteyourweightedcompanioncube…Oh,wait…
SERVES8–10
ForthecakeButterornonstickspray,forgreasing
12/3cups(160g)flour1cup(125g)unsweetenedcocoapowder
11/2teaspoonsbakingsoda1teaspoonsalt1/2cup(100g)shortening11/2cups(300g)sugar2eggs1teaspoonvanillaextract
11/2cups(360g)buttermilk1/2cup(120ml)kirsch(cherryliqueur)
Forthefilling1/4cup(60ml)kirsch2×14.5-ounce(411g)cantartcherries3cups(700ml)heavywhippingcream1/4cup(25g)confectioners’sugar3tablespoonscocoapowder
Forthegarnish
Forthegarnish1semisweetchocolatebar,frozen8maraschinocherries,stemsremoved1whitecandle
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseandflourtwo8-inch(20cm)cakepans,orlinewithparchmentpaper.
2Combinetheflour,cocoa,bakingsoda,andthesaltinalargemixingbowl.Setaside.
3Beattheshorteningandsugartogetheruntilfluffy.Addtheeggsandvanillaandbeatthoroughly.
4Slowlybeattheflourmixtureintothesugarmixture,occasionallyalternatingwiththebuttermilk.Beatuntileverythingiscombined.
5Pourthebatterintothecakepansandbakefor35–40minutes,oruntilawoodenpickcomesoutcleanwheninsertedintothecenterofthecakes.Letthecakescoolcompletely—bykeepingtheminthefridgeforafewhours,theywillbeeasiertocut.
6Meanwhile,makethefilling.Drainthecannedcherriesinacolandertoremovemostofthejuice.
7Beatthewhippingcreamwiththeconfectioners’sugaruntilitthickenstothedesiredtexture.
8Setasideasmallamountofthewhippedcreammixturefordecoratingthecake.Mixthecocoapowderintotheremainingwhippedcreammixture.
9Afterthecakeshavecooled,cuteachcakeinhalfhorizontallytomakefourlayers.Sprinkleeachlayerwiththe1/2cup(120ml)ofkirsch.
10Placeonecakelayerontheservingdishyouwishtouse.Spreadaboutone-sixthofthewhippedcreamonthelayerandone-thirdofthecherriesontopofthewhippedcream.
11Placethesecondcakelayerontopofthefirst.Spreadone-sixthofthewhippedcreamonthesecondlayerandone-thirdofthecherriesontop.
12Addthethirdcakelayer.Spreadone-sixthofthewhippedcreamontopalongwiththeremainingcherries.
13Topwiththelastcakelayer.Frostthetopandsidesofthecakewiththeremainingwhippedcreamfrosting.
14Useavegetablepeelertocreatethinshavingsfromthechocolatebar.Gentlypattheshavingsontothesidesandtopofthecake,completelycoatingit.Use
pattheshavingsontothesidesandtopofthecake,completelycoatingit.Usegloves—meltingchocolatecangetmessy!
15Usethereservedwhippedcreamfrostingtodoteightsmallcirclesaroundthetopofthecake.Placeyournon-stemmedmaraschinocherriesoneachone.
16Placeawhitecandleinthecenterofthecakeandlightit.Congratulations,youhavemadethecakeareality!
INSPIREDBYSILENTHILL
BUTTERCAKES
IamahugefanofSilentHillandhavelonglamentedthatit’snotexactlyagreatenvironmentfornoms.Beingtrappedinaterrifyinghelldimensionofguiltandtorturedoesn’texactlymakeyouhungry,asHeatherpointsoutinSilentHill3.So,whenIdiscoveredthepresenceofthemysteriousButterCakes,Iwasecstatic.Apparently,there’sarunninggagamongSilentHillfanstotrytofindalltheboxes.Sofar,ButterCakeshavebeendiscoveredinthesecond,third,andfourthgames,whichjustsohappentobemyfavoritesintheseries.IknowthatnotalotofpeoplelikeSH4,butpersonally,Ithinkithasthescariestmonsterinanygameever—theonewiththebabyheadsthatpointsandwhispersatyou.Eeeeeeesh.
MAKES12CAKES
ForthecakesButterornonstickspray,forgreasing1/2cupor1stick(112g)unsaltedbutter,softened1cup(200g)sugar2eggs,divided
2eggs,divided1teaspoonvanillaextract
11/3cups(180g)cakeflourPinchofsalt2teaspoonsbakingpowder1/4cup(60ml)wholemilk1tablespoonimitationbutterflavorPinchofsalt
Forthetopping1/4cupor1/2stick(55g)butter1cup(100g)confectioners’sugar1teaspoonimitationbutterflavor1tablespoonmilk12maraschinocherries
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).Greaseorlineamuffintinwithcupcakeliners.
2Inalargemixingbowl,useamixertocreamtogetherthebutterandsugarforthecakes.Addoneeggandcontinuemixing.Oncetheeggisincorporated,addtheothereggandthevanillaextractandcontinuetomixforaminuteorsountilsmooth.
3Inaseparatebowl,combinetheflour,salt,andbakingpowder.
4Slowlymixthedryingredientsinwiththecreamedbutterandsugarmixture.Finally,slowlymixinthemilkuntilbatterissmooth.Dividebatterevenlyamongthemuffintincups.
5Bakebetween20–25minutes,oruntiledgesofcakesaregoldenandatoothpickinsertedintothecakescomesoutclean.
6Around15minutesbeforethecupcakesfinishbaking,maketheglaze.Heatthebutterinasaucepanovermediumheatuntilgoldenbrown,about10minutes.
7Pourbutterintoabowl.Addtheconfectioners’sugar,imitationbutterflavor,andmilk,andstiruntilsmooth.Ifglazeistoothick,addmoremilk;toothin,addmoresugar.
8Whilecakesarestillhot,pourtheglazeontopofthemandinsertonecherryintothecenterofeachcakebypressingdowngentlysoit’spartiallyimbedded.
INSPIREDBYBIOSHOCK
CREME-FILLEDCAKES
Ilackhand-eyecoordinationsoItendtobeverybadatshooters,andbecauseofthat,it’shardformetogetintothem.Bioshockisanexception.DevelopedbyIrrationalGames,Bioshockisalmostuniversallyacknowledgedasanexceptionalandunforgettablegamingexperience.IttakesplaceinasecretunderwatercitycalledRapture.RapturewasbuiltbyanambitiousAmericanshortlyaftertheendofWorldWarIIforthepurposeofformingacompletelyisolatedcapitalistsocietyuntaintedbygovernmentorreligion.Shockingly,thisdidn’texactlyworkout.TheisolationofRapturemadeitsomewhatofatimecapsule,butthelackofmoralorgovernmentallimitationsininventionhasallowedforsomeveryadvancedtechnologytobecreated,soit’sacompletelyuniquegameenvironment.
Thefoodismostlyofapre-packagedvarietywithafocusonconvenience.TheseCreme-FilledCakesareoneofonlythreekindsoffoodfoundinthegame,alongwithpotatochipsandPepBars.Thereismorethantwicethatamountofalcoholvarietiesinthegame,whichtellsyoualotaboutthecitizensofRapture.Thecakescomeinasortoflogshape,muchlikeacertainbelovedsnackcakefoundintherealworld.Theyalsoappeartobefilledwithchocolatecremeandhavesortofasquigglyfrostingdesignontop.
MAKES8–12CAKES
Forthecakes2cups(250g)cakeflour
11/4cups(250g)sugar1tablespoonbakingpowder1teaspoonsalt1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,softened1cup(235ml)milk1teaspoonvanillaextract2eggsNonstickspray,forgreasing1tubeofready-madewhitedecorativefrosting
Forthechocolatecremefilling1jaror7ounces(200g)marshmallowcreme1/3cup(40g)confectioners’sugar1/2cup(60g)cocoapowder1/2cup(100g)shortening1teaspoonvanilla
extract1tablespoonevaporatedmilkPinchofsalt
1Preheatovento350°F(180°C).
2Ifyoudon’thaveacanoepan,Irecommendmakingthecakemoldsfirst.Tearouta12-inch-(30cm)longsheetofaluminumfoil.Folditoncelengthwiseandthenoncecrosswise.Placeaspicejarinthecenterandwrapthealuminumfoilaroundit,tuckingintheendstocreateatrough-likeshape.Makesurethetopsareopensoyoucanpourinyourbatter.Removethespicejar.Repeatuntilyouhaveabout10ofthese.
3Inalargemixingbowl,sifttogethertheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,andsalt.
4Addthebutter,milk,andvanillaandbeatwithahandmixerfor3–4minutes.Addtheeggsandbeatfor3moreminutes.
5Spraythecakemold(s)withnonstickspray.Pourthebatterevenlyamongthecups—theyshouldbearoundthree-quartersfull.Dependingonthesizeofthespicejarused,youcanendupwithanywherebetween8and12cakes.
6Bakethecakesforabout30minutes,oruntilatoothpickinsertedinthecentercomesoutclean.Letthecakescoolintheircases,thenremoveandtransfertoawireracktocoolcompletely.
7Meanwhile,makethefilling.Putallthefillingingredientsintoamixingbowlandbeatuntillightandfluffy.
8Placethefillingintoapastrybagwithanarrowattachment.Usingachopstick,evenlypokethreeholesintothebottomofoneofthecakes.Sortofswishyourchopstickaroundabitintheretocreatemoreroomforthefilling.Pipethechocolatefillingintoeachoftheholes,repeatingthisprocessforeachcake.
9Whenallthecakesarefilled,attachanarrowfrostingpiperontothetubeofwhitedecorativefrostinganddrawsquigglesonthetopofeachofthecakes.
10Stuffallthecakesintoyourmouthimmediatelywhileinthemiddleofabattle.
INSPIREDBYTHEELDERSCROLLS
SWEETROLL
ThehighlydesirableSweetRollisprobablythemostwell-knownfoodfromTheElderScrollsseries.ThestolenSweetRollhasbeenarunninggaginElderScrollgamesdatingallthewaybacktoArena,whereitwasreferencedinatheoreticalquestiontodetermineyourcharacterclassbasedonthemoralityofyouranswer.Now,SweetRollsareanalchemyingredientinOblivion,anactualconsumableiteminSkyrim,andevenappearedinFallout.
ItisunknownwhatexactlyaSweetRollis;whatisknownisthattheyaresotastythatpeoplewanttostealthemfromyou—acrimepunishablebyanightinjail.Presumably,theyareadelicioussugarybakedgood.InOblivion,theyhaveashapesortoflikeatallmuffinorachef’shat.InSkyrim,theylooklikeavolcanowithwhiteicing.ThedifferenceinappearancemaybeduetoregionaldifferencesinTamriel,asObliviontakesplaceinCyrodillandSkyrimtakesplacein…Skyrim.IwentwiththeSkyrimappearance.Enjoyavolcano-shapedcinnamoncakefilledwithsugary,buttery,nuttygoodness,toppedwithcream-cheeseicing.Therearetwowaystobakethese:withaminiBundt-cakepanforaperfectshape(thesecanbefoundfairlyeasilyonline)orinastandardglassmeasuringcup.
MAKES2–6ROLLS
Forthecake11/2cups(180g)flour1/2cup(100g)granulatedsugar2teaspoonsbakingpowderPinchofsalt2tablespoonsgroundcinnamon1/3(80ml)cupmilk1egg2teaspoonsvanillaextract1/4cupor1/2stick(55g)butter,meltedButterornonstickspray,forgreasing
Forthefilling1/4cupor1/2stick(55g)butter,softened1/2cup(30g)choppedpecannuts1tablespoongroundcinnamon1/4cup(60g)packedbrownsugar
Fortheicing1/4cupor2ounces(60g)creamcheese,softened11/2cups(150g)confectioners’sugar2tablespoonsmilk
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).
2Tomakethecake,combinetheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,salt,andcinnamoninalargemixingbowl.
3Mixtogetherthemilk,egg,vanillaextract,andbutterinaseparatebowl.
4Addthewetingredientstothedryingredientsandcombinethoroughly.
5Greasetheinsideofanoven-safeglassmeasuringcuporminiBundt-cakepan.Ifusingaglasscup,addthebattertothe1or11/2cup(240or350ml)line,dependingonhowtallyouwantthecaketobe.IfusingtheBundt-cakepan,simplyaddanevenamountofbattertoeachcup.
6Bakefor25–30minutes,oruntilyoucanstickinaknifeanditcomesoutclean.
7Removefromtheovenandletthecake(s)cool.Oncecool,carefullyremovefromthemeasuringcuporpansoitdoesnotbreak.
8Ifusingaglassmeasuringcup,thecakeisgoingtobeupsidedown(sothewiderpartisatthebottom)andmaybeawkwardlyroundedonthebottomside.Tofixthis,simplycutofftheroundedbottomwithaknifetomakeitlevel.Setthecakedownwiththewiderleveledsideonthebottom.Useaspoonorforktocarveaholeatthetopofthecake—thisiswhereyouwillputthefilling.
9Tomakethefilling,mixtogetheralloftheingredients.Stuffthemixtureintothehole(s)inthecake(s).
thehole(s)inthecake(s).
10Fortheicing,whiskorbeattogetheralloftheingredientsuntilsmoothandthick.Gentlydrizzletheicingontopofthecake(s).
11ServeorhavetheSweetRollsalltoyourself!Remember,inSkyrim,stealingaSweetRollispunishablebyanightinjail.
INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTER
CAULDRONCAKES
CauldronCakesareoneofthemanymagicaltreatsthatwitchesandwizardsenjoyintheworldofHarryPotter.Theyarepurchasedbyaneleven-year-oldHarryPotterforhimselfandhisnewfriend,Ron,ontheirveryfirstjourneytoHogwartsontheHogwartsExpress.J.K.Rowlingdoesn’treallyexplainhowthecakeslookortasteinthebooks,soreadershavecomeupwithsomeimaginativeinterpretations.Forthisrecipe,IwasinspiredbytheartworkonJ.K.Rowling’swebsite,Pottermore,inwhichtheylooklikecutelittlechocolatecakesfilledwithsomesortofgreengootoresembleabubblingcauldron.Sidenote:IfyouareafanofHarryPotter,ownacomputer,andhavesufferedPotterwithdrawalsincethebooksandmoviesended,gettheetoPottermorerightnow.Notonlyisitanextremelyfunwaytorelivethebooks,butthere’sjustatonofwonderfulart,games,andextrainformationtobegleanedfromRowlingherself.Yes,IamabsolutelyonPottermore,andwilldefinitelybeyourfriend.MynameisScarletHolly25290andI’minRavenclaw.Addme!No,Iwillnotduelyou.Idon’tbelieveinviolence.Okay,that’snotreallywhyIwon’tduelyou…I’mjustreallybadatdueling.
MAKES20CAKES
MAKES20CAKES
ForthecakeButterornonstickspray,forgreasing1cup(120g)flour1/3cup(40g)unsweetenedcocoapowder1teaspoonbakingpowder1teaspoonallspice1/2teaspoonsalt1/2cup(100g)shortening3/4cup(150g)sugar1egg1teaspoonvanillaextract1cup(240g)buttermilk
Forthetopping1tablespooncornstarch1/2tablespoonwater14-ounce(396g)cansweetenedcondensedmilk1/4cup(50g)shorteningAfewdropsofgreenfoodcoloringFlavorextract(yourchoice)PearlsprinklesGreensugarsprinkles
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseamuffintin.
2Inalargemixingbowl,combinetheflour,cocoapowder,bakingpowder,allspice,andsalt.
3Inaseparate,smallermixingbowl,beattogethertheshorteningandsugar.Addtheeggandvanillaandbeatuntilfluffy.
4Slowlybeatintheflourmixture,occasionallyalternatingwiththebuttermilk.
5Evenlydividethebatteramongtheholesinthemuffintin(s).
6Bakeforabout20minutes,oruntilaforkinsertedintothecakescomesoutclean.
7Letthecakescool,thenremovethemfromthetinandtransfertoawireracktocoolcompletely.
8Meanwhile,makethetopping.Combinethecornstarchandwatertoformapaste.
9Beattogetheralltheremainingtoppingingredients—exceptthesprinkles—includingthecornstarchpasteyoujustmade.Thefinishedtextureshouldbe
includingthecornstarchpasteyoujustmade.Thefinishedtextureshouldbelikeathickandgooeyslime.Ifit’stoorunny,addmoreshortening;ifit’stoothick(likefrosting),addmoresweetenedcondensedmilk.
10Takethecooledcakesandcarveoutashallowholeonthebottomsideofeachonetobetheinsideofthecauldronthatholdsthegoo.
11Spoonthegoointotheholessothattheyarealmostoverflowing,thentopwithsprinkles.
12AccioCauldronCakes!
INSPIREDBYMINECRAFT
CAKEBLOCK
Minecraftisanaward-winningindiegamethathasreachedanunfathomablelevelofpopularityinarelativelyshortamountoftime.Inthegame,youmineandcraftmaterialsinordertobuildyourselfashelterandsurvive,oryourunaroundpunchingthingsandgetbeatentodeathbyzombiesand/ordieofstarvation—likeme.OneofthebestthingsaboutMinecraftisthatyouaregivenabsolutefreedomtobuildwhateveryouwant,howeveryouwant.Thisfreedomhasallowedplayerstomakesomeveryelaborateworldsandbuildings,especiallyinthegame’screativemode.Everythinginthegame—fromtheanimalstotheclouds—isrenderedastexturedblocks,includingthecake.
MostofthepreparedfoodinMinecraftisonlyshowninyourinventory,butthecakeisanexception.Thecakeblockismadebycombiningthreebucketsofmilk,twounitsofsugar,threeunitsofwheat,andoneegg.Whenthecakeiscrafted,itneedstobeplacedontopofanotherblockinordertobeenjoyed.Eachsliceofcakerecoverstwohungerunits,andeatingtheentirecakewillrecovertwelvehungerunits.UnliketheotherfoodsinMinecraft,slicesofcakeareeateninstantaneouslyandyoucangobbledownthewholecakeinseconds—muchlikereallife.Thecakeisdepictedashavingwhiteicingandlittleredpixelsontop.
Thisrecipeisformyfavoritewhitecakelayeredwithstrawberryjamfillingtocomplementtheredpixels.Youwillneedtousefondanttorecreatethegeometricpatternsandcleanlinesofthecake’stopping.
SERVES6–10
1cupor2sticks(225g)butter,softened2cups(450g)whitesugar4eggs1tablespoonvanillaextract3cups(360g)cakeflour1tablespoonbakingpowder3/4cup(175ml)wholemilk1teaspoonsaltButterornonstickspray,forgreasing
11/2cups(485g)strawberryjellyWhitefondantRedfondant(recommended)orredfooddye
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).
2Creamtogetherthebutterandsugarthenaddtheeggsandvanillaextractandcontinuemixing.
3Mixintheflour,bakingpowder,andsalt.
4Greasethebakingpansanddividethebatterequallybetweenthem.Bakefor
4Greasethebakingpansanddividethebatterequallybetweenthem.Bakefor30–40minutes,oruntilaforkinsertedintothecenterofeachcakecomesoutclean.Removefromtheovenandleavetocool.
5Oncecool,carefullylevelthetopsofthecakesusingasharpknife.
6Setonecakeonaboardandspoonhalfofthejellyontop,spreadingitaroundevenly,keepingitabout1inch(2.5cm)infromtheouteredgesofthecake.
7Settheothercakeontopandspreadtherestofthejellyoverthetopandslightlyovertheedgeofthesecondcakelayer.
8Herecomesthehardpart:fondantisunforgivinganddifficulttoworkwith,butI’lldomybesttoexplainthisnextstep.Rolloutthewhitefondantuntilyouhaveasurfacearealargeenoughtocoveryourentirecake.
9Carefullyliftthefondantsheetbygentlyflippingoneendovertherollingpinandraisingitupandontothetopofthecake,makingsureitiscompletelycovered.Then,usingyourhands,gentlypressthefondantaroundthecake,tryingtoavoidmakinganyfoldsorcreases.
10Usingasharpknife,scalpel,orscissors,cutoutthesquarepatterninthefondantonthesidesofthecake.Ihighlyrecommendcreatingatemplateorstencilbycuttingtheshapeoutofsomecardboardbeforeattemptingthis,andusingaphotoforreference.
11Youhaveafewoptionsfortheredsquaresonthetopofthecake.Option1:Rolloutsomepre-maderedfondantandcutoutthesquareshapes.Wetthemlightlyonthebackandarrangethemontopofthecake.Thisistheeasiestandbest-lookingoption.Option2:Rolloutthewhitefondant,cutoutthesquareshapes,andpaintthemindividuallywithredfooddye.Thenlightlywettheback(unpainted)sideofeachandcarefullyarrangethemontopofthecake.Option3:Positionthewhitefondantsquaresandpainttheminsituwithredfooddye.
12Cutthecakeintosix(ormore)squareslicesandenjoy!
INSPIREDBYSUPERMARIOBROS.
1UPMUSHROOMCUPCAKES
Likemostpeoplebornafter1985,IgrewupplayingSuperMarioBros.games.Theseries,createdbyNintendo’sveryownmadgeniusShigeruMiyamoto,isoneofthemostwidelyknownandbelovedgameseriesofalltime.ThegamesfeatureMario,aportlyItalianplumberwithinexplicablysuperiorathleticabilityandstamina.HeisinlovewithPrincessToadstool,akaPeach.UnfortunatelyforMario,theprincessiskidnappedbyKingKoopa,akaBowser,abouteveryyearorso.Funfact:MarioactuallymadehisfirstappearanceasJumpmaninNintendo’s1981arcadegameDonkeyKong.
OneofthemanyiconicitemsintheMarioseriesisthe1UpMushroom.Unliketheredtoadstool,whichallowsMariotogrowinsize,the1UpMushroomgivesMarioanotherlifeandanotherchancetofallintotheabyssorbekilledbyfire-breathingplants.The1Up’sappearancehaschangedovertheyears,butmostwillrecognizeitasthebrightgreentoadstoolwithwhitespots.Igenerallytrytoavoidmakingcakesthatlooklikethingsthatarenotsupposedtobecakes,butthisisanexception.Mariowasthecatalystthatmadegamingwhatitistodayandisapieceofgeekculturalhistory.Shortofencouragingpeopletoeatarawtoadstool(doNOTeatrawtoadstools…)therewasn’tanyotherwaytopaytributetoMarioinfood.
Youcanmakethefrostinginthisoneeithergreenorred,dependingonwhetheryouwantanotherlifeortogrowinsize.Well,eattoomanyofthesebabiesandyou’llgrowinsizeeitherway.
MAKES12CUPCAKES
ForthecakesButterornonstickspray,forgreasing1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,softened1cup(225g)sugar2eggs,divided1teaspoonvanillaextract
11/3cups(180g)cakeflourPinchofsalt1teaspoonbakingpowder1/4cup(60ml)wholemilk
Forthefrosting/topping1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,softened1/2cup(112g)shortening2cups(250g)powderedsugar1/2tablespoonmilkGreenorredfooddye2teaspoonsimitationbutterflavoringWhitechocolatebuttonsorwhitemodelingchocolateorwhitefondant
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseorlineamuffintinwithcupcakeliners.
2Inalargemixingbowl,creamtogetherthebutterandsugarforthecakes.
3Addoneoftheeggsandcontinuemixing.Oncethefirsteggisfullyincorporated,addtheothereggandthevanillaextractandcontinuetomixforaminuteorsountilsmooth.
4Inaseparatebowl,sifttogethertheflour,salt,andbakingpowder.
5Slowlymixthedryingredientsintothecreamedbutterandsugarmixture,thenslowlymixinthemilkuntilthebatterissmooth.
6Dividethebatterevenlyamongthemuffin-tincupsuntileachisthree-quartersfull.
7Bakefor20–25minutes,oruntiltheedgesofthecakesaregoldenandatoothpickinsertedinthecentercomesoutclean.
8Makethefrostingbyfirstcreamingtogetherthebutterandshortening.
9Whipthepowderedsugarintothebutterandshortening,thenaddthemilk,greenorredfooddye,andimitationbutterflavor,andcontinuetowhipuntilyougettherightconsistencyandcolor.Thefrostingshouldbespreadablebutstiff;ifit’stoorunnyaddmorepowderedsugar,ifit’stoostiffaddmoremilk.
10Spreadthegreenorredfrostingontopofthecupcakesanddecoratewithwhitedots.
INSPIREDBYSTARTREK
CELLULARPEPTIDECAKEWITHMINTFROSTING
ThisisfrommyveryfavoriteTNGepisode,“Phastasms,”inwhichtheandroidDataistestinganewprogramthatallowshimtodream.Itturnsoutthatandroidsdonotdreamofelectricsheep;theydreamofrotarytelephonesintheirbelly,brainslurpees,andtheircolleaguesbeingturnedintocakes.
Thecake,whichishumanshapedandhasDeannaTroi’shead,isdescribedbyanuncharacteristicallyexcitedWorfasa“cellularpeptidecakewithmintfrosting.”Cellularpeptideisn’tactuallyathing,butitisdescribedintheepisodeasachainofmoleculesfoundinlivingthings.Thisrecipeisforamoistwhitecakewithsomeveryblue,mint-flavoredfrosting.Iusedyogurtasamoistenerforthecakeitselfbecauseyogurtcontainslivingbacteriaandrepresentsthecellularpeptide.It’simportanttomakethecakelooklikeaTNGStarfleetMedicaluniform,whichismucheasierthanitsounds.Enjoythislovelycakewithabrainslurpeetowashitdown!Mmm…delicious.
SERVES4–6
ForthecakeButterornonstickspray,forgreasing
23/4cups(320g)flour12/3cups(320g)sugar1tablespoonbakingpowder3/4teaspoonsalt3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)unsaltedbutter,softened4eggwhites1egg1cup(245g)vanillayogurt2teaspoonsvanillaextract
2teaspoonsvanillaextract
Forthefrosting11/2cupsconfectioners’sugar2tablespoonsmilk1tablespoonshortening1/2teaspoonvanillaextract1/2teaspoonmintorpeppermintextract,ortotasteBluefoodcoloringBlackfoodcoloring
1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreasea9×9-inch(23×23cm)bakingpan.
2Combinetheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,andsaltinalargemixingbowl.
3Addthesoftenedbutterandmixuntilcrumbly.Addtheeggwhites,followedbythewholeegg,andbeatwell.
4Inaseparatebowl,whisktogethertheyogurtwiththevanillaextract.Addthismixturetothebatterandbeatuntilfluffy.
5Pourthebatterintothebakingpanandbakefor30–40minutes,oruntilaknifeortoothpickinsertedintothecentercomesoutclean.Letthecakecoolandsetinthepan.
6Whileitsets,preparethefrosting.Combineallthefrostingingredientsinasmallbowlintheorderlisted.Beatuntilyoureachacreamyconsistency.Addmoreconfectioners’sugarifthefrostingistoothin.
7Dividethefrostingbetweentwobowls.Inonebowl,addthebluefoodcoloring.Youwillneedalottogetadeepblue;intheotherbowl,mixintheblackfoodcoloring.Stiruntilthecolorisevenlydispersed.
8Removethecooledcakefromthepanandcutoffpartofitssidestomakea“T”ortorsoshape.
9EmulateaTNG-styleblue(sciences)Starfleetuniformwhenfrosting.
DESSERTSTheChroniclesofNarnia:TURKISHDELIGHT
Avatar:TheLastAirbender:AIRNOMAD’SFRUITPIESHarryPotter:TREACLETARTSHarryPotter:PUMPKINPASTIES
KingdomHearts:SEA-SALTICECREAMPokémon:POFFINS
SouthPark:CHOCOLATESALTYBALLS
INSPIREDBYTHECHRONICLESOFNARNIA
TURKISHDELIGHT
TurkishDelightisn’tfictionalatall,butit’ssuchastapleoffantasyfoodIcouldn’tnotmakearecipe—thatwouldprettymuchbenerdblasphemy.ThosewhohavereadTheLion,TheWitchandtheWardrobewillremembertheverytensemomentwhenlittleEdmundmeetsthesinisterWhiteQueenandstupidlyrevealsthelocationofhissiblingsforabitofTurkishDelight.Edmundwaskindofajerkatthatearlypointinthestory,butthewayTurkishDelightwasdescribedinthebookmadeitseemlikesuchaheavenlytreatthatyoucouldalmost—almost—empathizewiththelittlebrat.
So,TurkishDelightisactuallyasweetandchewyconfectionthatistraditionallyflavoredwithrosewaterandnutsandservedwithacoatingofconfectioners’sugar.I’vekeptthisrecipeveryoldschoolbecausewhymesswithtraditionwhenit’salreadysogoodyou’llselloutyourownbrothersandsistersforapiece?
MAKES26–36PIECES
1cup(235ml)water2tablespoonsgelatin
13/4cups(150g)sugar1/4teaspooncitricacid1/2cup(50g)pistachios,shelledandchopped1teaspoonvanillaextract2teaspoonsrosewaterorotherflavoringextractofyourchoice1/4cup(25g)confectioners’sugar2tablespoonscornstarchFewdropsoffoodcoloring(optional)Oil,forgreasing
1Placethewaterinalargesaucepanandsprinkleoverthegelatin.Setasideuntilthegelatinisalittlespringy.
2Addthesugarandcitricacidtothegelatinwater,placethepanoveragentleheat,andstirconstantlyuntildissolved.
3Bringthemixturetoaboil.Boilfor15minuteswithoutstirring.Removefromheatandsetasidefor10minutes.
4Stirinthevanillaextract,rosewater,pistachios,andafewdropsoffoodcoloring,ifusing.
5Pourintoagreased6×6-inch(15×15cm)bakingpan.Leaveuncoveredinacoolplacefor24hours.
6Sifttheconfectioners’sugarandcornflourtogetherontoasheetofparchmentpaper.TurnoutthesetTurkishdelightontothepaperandcutintosquaresusingasharpknife.
squaresusingasharpknife.
7Tosspiecesintheconfectioners’sugarmixturesothatallsidesarecoated.Packthesquaresintoairtightcontainerslinedwithparchmentpaperanddustwiththeremainingconfectioners’sugarmixture.
INSPIREDBYAVATAR:THELASTAIRBENDER
AIRNOMAD’SFRUITPIES
It’simpossibletoresistaserieswithsomanygoodfoodmoments.Forsomecontext,thepeopleofAvatarfallintofourdifferentnationsthatareeachdevotedtooneofthefourelements:earth,air,fire,andwater.Somepeopleinthesenationshavecommandoftheirnationalelement;thisskillisknownasbending.Thenationalelementandthebendingskillhasalotofinfluenceonthecultureofthenationand,ofcourse,theircuisine.Thefirenationtendstolikethingsspicy,thewatertribeeatsalotofseafoodandsoups,etc.TheseFruitPiesareanairbenderdessertthatappearedinthethirdepisodeoftheseriesinaflashback/memoryofAvatarAng’s,inwhichhefondlyremembershisairbendingmastermakingthepiessothattheycouldairbendthemontotheheadsoftheotherairmonks.Ang’smastertellshimthatthesecretisinthe“gooeycenter.”Inalaterepisode,Angdivulgesthatthepiesarehisfavoritefood!
Myideaforthisonewastomaketheoutsidepartangelfoodcakebecauseitrequiresacertainamountofairbending.It’stoppedwithcolorfulwhippedcream(moreairbending)andfilledwithadelicious,gooeytropical-fruitmixture.Thecombinationoftexturesandtastesmakesitverymuchlikeeatingastrawberryshortcake.Ofcourse,youcanusewhateversortoffruitfillingyouwant—therecipeisflexiblelikethat.
MAKES2X9-INCH(15CM)PIES
Forthefilling13/4cups(280g)pineapple,chopped13/4cups(280g)mango,chopped1banana,sliced1/2cup(100g)granulatedsugar2tablespoonslimejuice1teaspoonlimezest1teaspooncoconutextract1tablespooncornstarchcombinedwith2tablespoonswater
Forthecake1cup(135g)cakeflour
11/2cups(300g)superfinesugar,divided1tablespooncornstarch12eggwhites1/2teaspoonsalt2teaspoonscreamoftartar2teaspoonscoconutextract
Forthetopping1cup(230ml)heavywhippingcream1/2cup(50g)confectioners’sugarFewdropsoffoodcoloringcolorsofyourchoice
1Firstmakethefilling.Addalltheingredientsintoalargepotandcookoveramediumheatuntilthefruithassoftened,about15minutes.Setasidetocool.
2Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).Donotgreasethepietins,althoughyoucanlinethemwithparchmentpaperifyoudon’tmindridges.
3Sifttogethertheflour,3/4cup(125g)ofthesugar,andthecornstarch.Setaside.
4Inalargemixingbowl,addtheeggwhites,salt,creamoftartar,andcoconutextract.Whipthemixturewithabeateruntilstiffpeaksform,thenstarttograduallywhipintheremainingsugar,maintainingthepeaks.
5Foldinaquarteroftheflourmixtureatatime,makingsurenottoovermix.Thebatterwillinevitablydeflatesomewhat,sodon’tbetooalarmedwhenthathappens.
6Gentlydividethebatteramongthetwopiepans,beingcarefulnottoknockouttoomuchair.
7Bakeforabout30minutesonthelowerrackofyouroven.Whentheyareready,thetopsofthecakeswillbouncebackwhenpoked.
8Letthecakescoolcompletelyintheirpans—thiscantakeanhourormore.
9Meanwhile,makethetopping.Addallofthetoppingingredientsintoalargemixingbowlandwhipusingamixeruntilyoustarttogetpeaks.Becarefulnottomixtoomuchandgetbutter.Coverthebowlwithplasticwrapandplaceinthefridgeuntilreadytouse.
10Removethecooledcakesfromthepansandcut1inch(2.5cm)offthetopofthecakesusingaserratedknife.Setthesecaketopsaside.Hollowoutthebottompartsofthecakesusingasmallknifetoleavea1-inch-(2.5cm)thick
shell.RememberthatthepiesareupsidedowntoemulatetheshapeinAvatar.
11Spoonthefruitfillingintothespaceyouhavecarvedoutandreplacethetopsofthepies.
12Usingapipingbag,setupwithlargestarattachments,pipethewhippedcreamtoppingontothecenterofthetopsofthepiesinaswirlingmotion.
13Airbendapieontosomeone’shead.
INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTER
TREACLETARTS
HarryPotter’sfavoritedessert!HarrylovesTreacleTartssomuchthathesmellsthemevenwheninthepresenceofAmortentia.
TreacleTartsareatraditionalEnglishdessert,popularamongchildrenandmadewithgoldensyrup.Goldensyruphasanirresistiblenuttyandbutteryflavor,withalmostthesameconsistencyashoney.IcanseewhyHarrylikesit.It’strulyliquidgoldandmynewfavoritethingever.Watchout,FelixFelicis!Well,popthestuffinaflakytartcrustanditispureheaven.Andby“heaven”ImeanHogwarts.
MAKES12TARTS
Forthecrusts13/4cups(210g)flour,plusextrafordusting3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)butter,chilledanddiced1/4cup
(50g)sugar2eggyolks1tablespoonorangezest
Forthefilling1cup(350g)goldensyrup1tablespoonmolasses
1tablespoonmolasses2tablespoonsbutterPinchofsalt6tablespoonsbreadcrumbs3tablespoonsheavycream1tablespoonflour1tablespoonlemonzest1egg,whisked
Whippedcream,clottedcream,orvanillaicecream,toserve
1First,makethecrusts.Blendtheflourandbutterinafoodprocessoruntilcrumbly.
2Addthesugarandblendagainbrieflytocombine.
3Addtheeggyolksandtheorangezestandpulseuntilitcomestogether.Youmayneedtoaddalittlebitofwaterifitseemsdry.
4Wrapthepastryinplasticwrapandchillforabout30minutes.
5Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).
6Meanwhile,makethefilling.Heatthegoldensyrupandmolassesinasaucepanovermediumheatfor3–5minutes,oruntilloosened,stirringoccasionally.
7Removethesyrupfromtheheatandstirinthebutter,salt,breadcrumbs,cream,flour,andzestuntilcombined.Stirintheeggandsetaside.
8Rolloutthepastryonaflouredsurfaceuntilitis1/8inch(3mm)thick,thenstamporcutoutcirclesbigenoughtofityourtarttins.Youcanuseacookiecutterforthisifnecessary.
9Moldthecirculardoughcut-outsintothebottomsandsidesofthetarttins,filleachwiththetreaclefilling,andbakeforapproximately20minutes,oruntilthetreacleisfirmandsetandthecrustisgolden.
10Servehotorcold,toppedwithwhippedcream,clottedcream,orvanillaicecream,ifdesired!
INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTER
PUMPKINPASTIES
AnothermouthwateringHarryPotterclassic!PumpkinPastiesarementionedfairlyoftenintheHarryPotterseries,thoughneverdescribedindetail.TheyaresoldattheHoneyduke’sTrolleyontheHogwartsExpress.TheywereoneofthefirstwizardfoodsHarryPottereverate,alongwithChocolateFrogsandCauldronCakes.
Apastyisasortofhandpie,thoughttohaveoriginatedinCornwall,England,wheretheyaretheregionalspecialty.Theyaresemi-circularinshapeandaretraditionallymadewithpiecrustfilledwithmeat,potatoes,andothersavories.However,becauseinHarryPotterPumpkinPastiesaresoldalongsideothersweets,thereisaconsensusthattheyareadessert.I’vemadeasimplepastrycrustfilledwithspiced,sweetened,gooeypumpkingoodness.It’ssortoflikeadelicious,portablepocketofpumpkinpie!
MAKES2PASTIES
Forthecrust31/2cups(420g)flourPinchofsalt5teaspoonssugar3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)butter,cubed1/2cupshortening1cupicewater,divided
Forthefilling2eggs,whisked1cup(100g)sugar15-ounce(425g)canpumpkin2tablespoonsunsaltedbutter,melted,plusextraforthepastycrusts1/2teaspoonsalt2teaspoonsgroundcinnamon,plusextraforthepastycrusts1teaspoongroundginger1teaspoongroundcloves1teaspoongroundcardamon1teaspoonallspice12-ounce(354ml)canevaporatedmilk
1First,makethecrust.Combinetheflour,salt,andsugaruntilwellblended.Addthebuttercubesandtossuntilcoated.Usingyourhands,rubthebutterintotheflouruntildoughisinbean-sizepieces.
2Addtheshorteningtothedoughandtoss,thenrubtheshorteningintotheflourusingthesamemethodaswiththebutter,untilyouhavepea-sizepieces.
pieces.
3Sprinkleinabouthalfoftheicewateranduseyourhandstosqueezethedoughtogether,beingcarefulnottooverworkit.Keepaddingalittlebitoficewateratatimeuntilthedoughcomestogetherbutisnotwet—youmaynotneedtouseallofthewater.
4Formthedoughintoaball,coverwithplasticwrap,andputinthefridgeforatleast30minutes.
5Meanwhile,makethefilling.Addtheeggsandsugartoamixingbowlandcombineuntilwellblended.
6Stirinthepumpkin,butter,salt,andspices.Pourintheevaporatedmilkandstirwell.
7Inalargegreasedcasseroledish,bakethefillingat425°F(220°C)for15minutes.Reducetheoventemperatureto350°F(180°C)andcontinuebakingfor45minutes,oruntilyourforkcomesoutcleanwheninsertedintothefilling.Letitcoolcompletely.
8Rolloutthepastryuntilthinandcutintocirclesabout4inches(10cm)indiameter.
9Putaheapingspoonfulofthepumpkinmixturetowardonesideofthecenterofthecircle.Foldoverthecrustintoahalf-circleandfirmlypresstheedgesclosed.
10Cutthreesmallslitsinthetopforventingandplaceonagreasedcookiesheet.
11Raisetheoventemperatureto400°F(200°C)andbakeuntilcrustisalightgoldenbrown,around10minutes.
12Ifdesired,mixsomecinnamonandmeltedbuttertogetherandbrushthepastiesaftertheycomeoutoftheoven.
INSPIREDBYKINGDOMHEARTS
SEA-SALTICECREAM
KingdomHeartsiswhereFinalFantasyandDisneycollide.Inthefirstgame,youplayasSora,akidfromanisolatedislandwhofindshimselfthrownintoacrazyadventureinvolvingDisneyandFinalFantasycharactersalike.Inthebeginningofthesecondgame,however,youareanotherkid,namedRoxas.RoxasandhisfriendsliveinaplacecalledTwilightTownandspendtheirtimegettingintotroubleandeatingSea-SaltIceCreamontopoftheclocktoweroverlookingthetown.Laterinthegame,thecharactersofKingdomHeartsIIcanoftenbeseentalkingabout—andeating—thisdelicioussalty-sweetdessert.
Apparently,KingdomHeartsIIdirectorTetsuyaNomurahadthisicecreamonatriptotheTokyoDisneylandResortandlikeditsomuch,hedecidedtoworkwithDisneytoputitintothegames.Ithasacharacteristicsky-bluecolorandisonlyeverseenbeingeatenonapopsiclestick.IhavelearnedalotsinceIoriginallypostedtherecipeforSea-SaltIceCreamonmyblog,soIhaverevised
theoriginalrecipeandIthinkitisgreatlyimproved.Theicecreamissweet,cold,smooth,andcreamywithahintofseasalttofinish.Enjoythiswithyourbestbuddiesattwilightonawarmsummerday.
MAKES4PINTS
5cups(600ml)heavycream
21/2cups(570ml)wholemilk1teaspoonvanillaextract
11/2cups(300g)sugar,dividedSeasalt,totaste12largeeggyolksBluefoodcoloringNonstickspray(optional)
1Simmerthecream,milk,vanillaextract,and1cup(200g)ofthesugarinalargepot,stirringwithawoodenspoon,forabout15minutes.
2Stirtheseasaltintothecreammixtureinextremelytinyamountsandtasteasyougo.Keepaddinguntilyougetasubtlesaltyaftertaste.
3Combinetheeggyolksinalargemixingbowlandlightlywhiskthem.Slowlyaddtheremaining1/2cup(100g)ofsugarandcontinuetowhiskuntilthesugariscompletelydissolvedandtheeggsarethickandpaleyellow.
4Graduallywhiskinabout4cups(950ml)ofthehotcreammixture.
5Oncethehotcreamisevenlywhiskedintotheeggyolks,pouritallbackintothesaucepanwiththerestofthecream.Turntheheattomedium-low.
6Addafewdropsofthebluefoodcoloring,alittleatatime,andstirconstantlyuntilthecolorisrightandthecustardthickens,about12minutes.Makesurenottoboilthecustard.
7Chilltheice-creambaseintherefrigeratoruntilcold.
8Ifusinganice-creammaker,transferthechilledice-creambasetoyourmachineandchurnaccordingtothemanufacturer’sinstructions—itshouldcomeoutlikesoft-serve.Spoonintoafreezer-proofcontainerandplaceinthefreezeruntilreadytoserve.
9Ifnotusinganice-creammaker,placechilledicecreaminafrozenstainless-steelmixingbowlandletthemixturesituntiltheedgesstarttofreeze,about15–20minutes.Useaspatulaorwhisktorapidlystirtheicecream,mixinginthefrozenedges.Returnthestainless-steelbowltothefreezer.Vigorouslystirtheicecreamevery30minutesuntilitisfirm,between4–6times.Ifit’stoohardtostir,placeinthefridgeuntilitsoftens,thenstiragain.
toohardtostir,placeinthefridgeuntilitsoftens,thenstiragain.
10Ifyou’remakingpopsicles,spraytheinsidesofthemoldswithnonstickcookingsprayandpourtheicecreamintoeachmold.Addthesticksandfreezeforatleastfourhours.
INSPIREDBYPOKÉMON
POFFINS
Pokémonisaworldwidephenomenon.ThevideogamesandanimeTVseriesblewupinabigwayinthe’90sandthebrandhas,ahem,evolvedovertime.Nowtherearemovies,cardgames,collectibles,andevenknockoffsbasedonthebelovedJapaneseanimalthings.Amazingly,thebrandisjustaspopulartodayasitwasoveradecadeago,ifnotevenmoreso.OnplanetEarthtoday,approximatelyzerohumansareunawareoftheexistenceofPikachu.I’moldenoughtoremembertheworldbeforePokémonandletmetellyou,itwasabout25percentlessadorable.
Asmostknow,thebasicpremiseofPokémonisthattherearethesecreaturesandyoumustcollectthemallbecausereasons.Well,sometimesyourPokémonneedtoeat.Oneofthemoreinterestingconsumables,Poffins,aredepictedaslittlemulticoloredfootball-shapedpastries.WhenaPokémoneatsaPoffin,oneoftheirconditions(smart,cute,tough,etc.)improvesbasedonwhatkindofberryisusedinthecreationofthePoffin.Itriedafewdifferentthingsforpoffins,includingfillingthemwithjellyandtryingtoincorporatefruitinthedoughitself,butlet’sjustsayitwasn’tveryeffective.SeewhatIdidthere?Theirfinalincarnation,whichIhaveincludedhere,isasalightbutteryrollfilledwithafruitycustard.
MAKES24POFFINS
MAKES24POFFINS
Forthefilling2cups(475ml)milk3/4cup(150g)sugar1teaspoonvanillaextractPinchofsalt5tablespoonscornstarch6eggyolks1cup(150g)berriesofyourchoice
Forthedough1cup(235ml)waterat110°F(40°C)
2(1/4oz/7g)packetsactivedryyeast1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,melted3/4cup(150g)sugar3eggsFoodcoloring,ofyourchoice1teaspoonsalt
41/2cups(540g)flour,plusextrafordustingEgg,whisked,forwashingWhitesesameseeds,forsprinkling
1First,makethefilling.Inamediumsaucepan,bringthemilk,sugar,vanillaextract,salt,cornstarch,andeggyolkstoaboil,whiskingconstantly.
2Reducetheheatslightlyandcontinuetoboilforacoupleminutes.Stirconstantlyandmakesuretoscrapeintothecornersofthesaucepan.
3Takethesaucepanofftheheatandplungeintoanice-waterbathtostoptheeggscookingfurther.Setasidetocoolcompletely.
4Nowmakethedough.Combinethewaterandyeastinamixingbowlandletstandfor5minutes.
5Stirinthebutter,sugar,eggs,foodcoloring,andsalt.Addtheflour,1cupatatime,andbeatin.
6Coverthedoughwithplasticwrapandrefrigerateforatleast2hours.
7Preheattheovento375°F(190°C)andlineabakingpanwithparchmentpaper.
8Turnoutthedoughontoflouredsurfaceanddivideinto24pieces.Rolleachpieceintoaballshape.
9Addtheberriestothecustardfillingandstirin.Ifyouareusinglargerberriesorfruit,suchasstrawberries,cutthemintosmallerpiecesfirst.
10Takeoneballofdoughatatimeandpressdownonittoflattenitslightly.11Spoonabout11/2teaspoonsofthecustardfillingintothecenterofeachroll.12Pullupthesidesofthedoughandfoldthemoverthefilling,makingsure
eachballiscompletelysealed.Youmayneedtowetyourfingerstocreateagoodseal.Tobeextrasafe,puttheballsealedsidedownwhenbaking.
13MoldthedoughintothePoffinshapeandrepeatforeachpieceofdough.14LetthePoffinsrestsomewherewarmfor25–30minutes.15Whendoneresting,putthePoffinsontoyourparchment-linedbakingsheet.16BrushthePoffinsineggwashandsprinklesesameseedsontopofeachone.17Looselycoverthebakingsheetwithaluminumfoil,topreventbrowning,and
bakeforabout17minutes,oruntilfirm.
INSPIREDBYSOUTHPARK
CHOCOLATESALTYBALLS
ItmightbedebatablewhetherSouthParkisreally“geeky,”butIthinktheshowhasearnedalotofgeekcredovertheyearswithdetailedreferencestosuchdefinitivelygeekythingsasWorldofWarcraft,comicbooks,andStarTrek.SouthParkisgenerallynotagoodsourceoffictionalfoodinspiration,asmostofthesatireisbasedintherealworldandtheshowtendstoaimforgrossratherthanappealing,butthereisoneexception:Chef’sChocolateSaltyBalls.
Chef,voicedbythelateIsaacHayes,wastheportlyandpromiscuouscafeteriacookforthefirsttenseasonsoftheshow.Asoneofthemorekindanddown-to-earthcharacters,hisadvicewasoftensoughtbythefourprotagonists…thoughhisadvicegenerallymanifesteditselfintotallyinappropriateandnon-relevantsoulsongs.Thisrecipecomesfromoneofthosehumorouslymisguidedsoulsongs,probablythemostpopularsongfromtheshow,titled“ChocolateSaltyBalls.”Thesongbasicallydescribesarecipeforasaltysphericalchocolate
SaltyBalls.”Thesongbasicallydescribesarecipeforasaltysphericalchocolatepastryto…suckon.Despitetheobviousmetaphorhere,Ithoughtasaltysphericalchocolatepastrysoundedprettydarngood,andIwasright!Chef’sballsaredelicious!
SERVES4–5
Butterornonstickspray,forgreasing2/3cup(150g)saltedbutter11/2cups(150g)sugar1/4cup(60ml)brandy4cups(700g)semisweetchocolatechips,divided2teaspoonsvanillaextract4eggs
11/2cups(180g)flour1/2teaspoonbakingsoda2tablespoonsgroundcinnamon1/2teaspoontablesaltCoarseseasalt,totaste,fordusting
1Preheattheovento325°F(170°C)andgreaseabakingpan.
2Inasaucepan,addthebutter,sugar,andbrandyandbringtoaboil,stirringconstantly.Removefromheat.
3Usingawoodenspoon,stirin2cups(350g)ofthechocolatechipsuntilmelted.Remembertogivethatspoonalick!
4Allowthemixturetocoolslightly,thenstirinthevanillaextract.
5Inalargemixingbowl,beattheeggsuntilcombined.Graduallyaddtheslightlycooledchocolatemixtureandmixwell.
6Combinetheflour,bakingsoda,cinnamon,andsalt,thengraduallyaddthismixturetothechocolatemixture.
7Stirintheremainingchocolatechipsandspreadthemixtureintothebakingpan.
8Bakefor35–45minutes,oruntilaforkinsertedinthecentercomesoutclean.Becarefulnottoburnyourballs!
9Letthemixturecooljustenoughsothatitwon’tburnyourhands.Meanwhile,setupasmallplateorcuttingboardwithsomeoftheseasaltonit.
10Scrapeupthebrowniemix,workingaroundtheedges—youdon’twanttousethehardedgesfortheseballs.
usethehardedgesfortheseballs.11Beginshapingrough1-inch(2.5cm)ballsoutofthemix,thenrollthemin
thesalt.Dothisverylightly—alittleseasaltgoesaverylongway.12Ifyoudohappentooversalt,justbrushofftheexcesscrystals.Toomuchsalt
isbad,mmmkay?Whenyou’redone,put’eminyourmouthandsuck’em!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTSRolandaConversino,Mom,thankyousomuchforalwaysthinkingI’mawesomeateverything.IfeveryonethoughtIwasasgreatasyoudoIwouldprobablybesuprememasteroftheuniversebynow.Youliterallyshedblood,sweat,andtearsforthisbookandIamforevergratefulforthat.Toyourhusband,JoeConversino,thankyouforlettingmemakeamessinyourkitchen!
Thankstomybigbrother,NicholasReeder,forteachingmetocookandmakingmelikeit.You’reanall-knowingculinarymastermindthatIcanalwaysrelyonforanswersandsuggestions.
Myfamily:yourobsessionwithfoodrubbedoffonmeandthishappened!Somuchloveformybestfriendandsoon-to-behusband,JeffDiza,for
drivingmeallovertheplaceforingredients,weatheringmymentalbreakdowns,andfortakingcareofourlittleflock.YouweretherewhenIfirsthadthiswackyideaandyouencouragedmetofollowthrough.Yourmisguidedbutunwaveringfaithinmehashelpedmetohavesomemarginalfaithinmyself.
JessicaRauschandWesleyGarcia,thankyouforbeingmyquality-controlminions!Jess,weweretheultimatefangirlsinourformativeyears,weren’twe?Ithink,likethebutterflyeffectorawaterdropletonLauraDern’sskin,ImightneverhavestartedGeekyChefifIhadn’tmetyou.
KyleCyree,yourexperienceandadvicewhenitcomestomakinganddrinkingalcoholicbeverageswasinvaluable.Thankyouforbeingsuchanawesomeboss,youhavehelpedmeimmeasurablyonbothapersonalandprofessionallevel.
AmandaandBrianBackur,thankyoufortakingthetimetotestsomeoftheserecipesformeandgivingmesuchgreatfeedback.Ican’twaittomeetlittleBeowulf!
Thankyoutomyeviltwinsister,CassandraRabini,forbeingasoundingboardformymomwhileshelookedfortyposandgrammaticalerrors.AndforwatchingTheLordoftheRingswithmethirteentimes.
ThankstoDenisCaron,fordesigningmyamazingnewlogo,whichIadoresomuch,andtakinginstridemyflightsofwhimsyandever-changingmindinregardstothecreationofsaidlogo.
ThankyoutoMichaelMolina,foralwayshavingawesomeideastosharewithmeandforalwaysboostingmyegowhenI’mdownonmyself.Iwillseeyouagainoneday,Iswear.
ThankyoutoJeannineDillon,forfindingmylittlebloginthegiganticmessthatistheInternetandmakingthisbookhappen!Also,thankyoutothe
thatistheInternetandmakingthisbookhappen!Also,thankyoutothemarketingteamforbeingsosupportive!
Tomyreaders,oldandnew:Firstofall,thankyouforexisting.Youaresuchagreatgroupofgeeks.
Ihopethisbookhelpsyoumakemanywonderfulanddeliciousmemories!ToeveryoneelseIlove,hopefullyyouknowwhoyouareandthankyoufor
toleratingme!
ABOUTTHEAUTHOR
CassandraReederisanexperiencedblogger,avidhomecook,andlifetimegeek.Foroversixyearsshehasbeenhelpingothergeeksallovertheworldmaketheirfictionalfoodfantasiescometrueatwww.geekychef.com.CassandracurrentlylivesinSanFranciscowithherhusbandandpetparrot.Shehasnotyettrainedherparrottosay,“Helpme,I’vebeenturnedintoaparrot!”butshe’sworkingonit.
INDEX
AAdventureTime(TVshow)78AirNomad’sFruitPies120–121Ambrosia20–21Avatar(movie)120–121Avengers,The(comicseriesandmovie)80
BBabylon5(TVshow)44BaconPancakes78–79BattlestarGalactica(TVshow)21beverages,alcoholic14–39Ambrosia20–21ChateauRomani26–27Graf22–23Grog37–39HotSpicedWine18Mead36Miruvor32–33MolokoPlus16–17Mudder’sMilk28–29PanGalacticGargleBlastervii,30–31RomulanAle34–35SerriceIceBrandy24–25SpiceBeer19
beverages,non-alcoholic1–13Blood12–13BlueMilk2–3ButterBeer6–7Klah4LonLonMilk8–9
RedPotion5Slurm10–11
BigKahunaBurger88–89Bioshock(videogame)101Blood12–13BlueMilk2–3Bowie,DavidviBowlO’Brown66–67BuffytheVampireSlayer(TVshow)80BulgarAshkhan84ButterBeer6–7ButterCakes100
CCakeBlock108–110cakesandcupcakes94–115ButterCakes100CakeBlock108–110CauldronCakes106–107CellularPeptideCakewithMintFrosting114–115Creme-FilledCakes101–103DeliciousMoistCake98–99LemonCakes96–971UpMushroomCupcakes111–113SweetRoll104–105
CauldronCakes106–107CellularPeptideCakewithMintFrosting114–115ChateauRomani26–27CheeseBuns52–53ChocolateSaltyBalls130–131ChroniclesofNarnia,The(Lewis)118ClockworkOrange,A(movie)16cookingandingredients,anoteonviiCram45Creme-FilledCakes101–103
D
DDarkTower,The(King)22DeadlyPremonition(videogame)83Deeper’n’EverPie90–91Defiance(TVshow)84DeliciousMoistCake98–99desserts116–31AirNomad’sFruitPies120–121ChocolateSaltyBalls130–131Poffins128–129PumpkinPasties123–125Sea-SaltIceCream126–127TreacleTarts122TurkishDelight118–119
Diablo(videogame)5Discworldseries(Pratchett)42DoctorWho(TVshow)28,46DragonbreathChili74–75DragonridersofPern(McCaffrey)4Dune(Herbert)19
EEarthbound(videogame)60ElderScrolls,The(videogame)49,104ElixirSoup68EllaEnchanted(Levine)vElsweyrFondue49–51entrées76–93BaconPancakes78–79BigKahunaBurger88–89BulgarAshkhan84Deeper’n’EverPie90–91Gagh92–93Hasperat85RockSirloin86–87Shawarma80–81
Sinner’sSandwich82–83
FFiggins42–43Firefly(TVshow)27,58FishFingersandCustardix,46–47FruityOatyBars58–59Futurama(TVshow)10,48
GGagh92–93Gaiman,Neil36GeekyChef,The(blog)vGoodHuswifesHandmaidefortheKitchin,The6Graf22–23Grog37–39
HHarryPotter(Rowling)vi,6,106,122–123Hasperat85Hitchhiker’sGuidetotheGalaxy,The(Adams)28HotSpicedWine18HungerGames,The(booksandmovieseries)52,64
KKingdomHearts(videogame)126Klah4
LLambStewwithPlums64–65LandBeforeTime,The(movie)vLastAirbender,The(movie)120LegendofZelda,The(videogame)v,5,9,24,68–69,86Lembasvi,54–55LemonCakes96–97LonLonMilk8–9
LordoftheRings,The(booksandmovies)vi,19,30,36,45,55
MMartin,GeorgeR.R.36MassEffect2(videogame)33Mead36Minecraft(videogame)5,108Miruvor32–33MolokoPlus16–17MonkeyIsland(videogame)37Mudder’sMilk28–29
O1UpMushroomCupcakes111–113
PPanGalacticGargleBlastervii,30–31PeanutCheeseBars60–61PlomeekSoup72–73Poffins128–129Pokémon128Popplers48Portal(videogame)98PulpFiction(movie)88PumpkinPasties123–125
RRedPotion5Redwall(Jacques)90RockSirloin86–87RomulanAle34–35
SSea-SaltIceCream126–127Serenity(movie)58SerriceIceBrandy24–25
Shawarma80–81She-Ra:PrincessofPower(TVshow)44SilentHill(videogame)100Sinner’sSandwich82–83Skyrim(videogame)36,104–105Slurm10–11snacksandappetizers40–61CheeseBuns52–53Cram45ElsweyrFondue49–51Figgins42–43FishFingersandCustard46–47FruityOatyBars58–59Lembas54–55PeanutCheeseBars60–61Popplers48SoylentGreenvii,56–57Spoo44
SongofIceandFire,A(Martin)18,66,96soupsandstews62–75BowlO’Brown66–67DragonbreathChili74–75ElixirSoup68LambStewwithPlums64–65PlomeekSoup72–73Yeto’sSuperbSoup69–71
SouthPark(TVshow)130SoylentGreenvii,56–57SoylentGreen(movie)56SpiceBeer19Spoo44StarTrek(TVshowandmovieseries)34,48,72,85,92,114,130StarWars(movieseries)2,34SuperMarioBros.(videogame)111SweetRoll104–105
T
TThorcomics36TreacleTarts122TudorEra6TurkishDelight118–119
UUltima(videogame)5
Vvampires13
WWhedon,Joss27,80WorldofWarcraft(videogame)5,27,74,130
YYeto’sSuperbSoupv,vi,69–71
DedicatedtoGretchenReeder(1922–2014).Youreadmestoriesandbakedmecakes.
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