As Tom Matlack’s 16-year-old daughter waited for her date to arrive, she warned her father,

Tom Matlack, in The Good Men Project Magazine.

TheFirstDate

‘Dad, if you screw this up I’ll kill you.’

“You  have  a  pseudo-­‐beard,  a  necklace  with  a  snake,  and  you’re  huge,”  my  16-­‐year-­‐old  daughter,  Kerry,  said  in  a  pleading  voice.

“What  are  you  saying?”  I  asked,  with  just  a  hint  of  a  grin.

“He’s  totally  scared  of  you.  Dad,  If  you  screw  this  up  I’ll  kill  you.”

“As  the  assistant  man  of  the  house,”  Seamus,  my  14-­‐year-­‐old  son,  chirped,  sensing  an  opening,  “I  think  

“And  as  assistant  man  of  the  house  in  training,  Cole  

“What  could  you  possibly  ask?”  Kerry  asked,  now  staring  at  Cole.

“You  know,  Cole  could  ask  the  kid’s  favorite  land  animal,”  Seamus  deadpanned.  “I  want  to  know  what  farm  animal  he’d  like  to  have  sex  with.”

For  my  daughter’s  sake,  I  tried  not  to  laugh.  This  Sat-­‐

But  I  had  to  look  away;  Seamus’  humor  hit  that  funny  

the  one  that  makes  you  laugh  at  funerals  when  every-­‐one  else  is  crying.

girl,  of  what  she  was  like  as  a  baby  and  toddler  and  teenager.  How  mighty  the  struggle  had  been  to  get  to  this  moment.

County  Kerry  (Ciarraí  in  Gaelic)  in  Ireland  is  known  

produced  dark  complexions  and  wild  temperaments.A  “Kerry  Girl”  is  a  free  spirit.  My  Kerry  may  have  blonde  

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As  a  baby  she  never  slept,  but  I  tried  to  comfort  her,  spending  the  wee  hours  of  the  morning  listening  to  

I  separated.  Kerry  would  come  visit  me  in  my  rental  apartment  on  Friday  nights,  and  we’d  grab  a  pizza  in  

Given  an  opening  in  any  public  space,  the  girl  would  

Beach,  a  huge  expanse  of  sand  and  booming  waves,  

through  the  surf.  I  would  jog  behind,  making  sure  she  didn’t  dive  in  over  her  head.

Once,  I  made  the  mistake  of  trying  to  take  Kerry,  then  3,  and  her  baby  brother  Seamus  in  a  snowstorm  to  

was  canceled,  but  we  were  able  to  get  out  on  a  con-­‐

Once  there,  all  the  airports  shut  down,  and  for  sev-­‐eral  hours  I  chased  Kerry  from  one  terminal  to  the  

baggage  claim,  she  was  standing  proudly  and  holding  my  mom’s  hand.  She  found  her  way  with  no  help  from  me.

As  Kerry  grew  into  a  teenager,  her  wild  side  found  a  place  on  the  stage.  I  approached  her  junior-­‐high  and  

wasn’t  nervous,  then  I  shouldn’t  be  nervous,  either.

Kerry,  and  saw  in  our  culture,  about  how  sexuality  is  

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Kerry  and  I  had  many  long  discussions  about  why  only  

the  rest  had  to  put  up  with  guys  who  only  wanted  

told  me,  but  I  was  helpless  to  do  anything  about  it.  I  could  only  admire  her  courage  and  strength  in  con-­‐

-­‐ing  the  prevailing  terms  of  engagement  with  boys.

a  trip  to  see  Gwen  Stefani  for  her  birthday  circled  around  in  my  head.  Yes,  Kerry  had  gone  to  the  prom.  

on  her  laptop,  while  simultaneously  doing  “home-­‐work.”

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team,  but  refused  to  divulge  any  other  details.Seamus  and  Cole  had  conveniently  made  their  way  out  back  to  play  soccer.  Kerry’s  stepmom,  Elena,  her  

sure  what  to  do.  I  wanted  both  Kerry  and  her  date  to  feel  secure  in  my  approval,  and  I  wanted  Kerry  to  feel  

already  was.

In  our  front  hallway,  I  saw  a  sweet-­‐looking  17-­‐year-­‐old  boy  who  had  taken  the  subway  from  Wellesley  to  take  

too.

I  asked  where  they  were  going  and  when  they  would  be  home.  He  said  they  were  going  to  a  restaurant  

was  impressed;  the  kid  seemed  more  responsible  and  mature  than  I  was  at  his  age.

Then  they  were  gone.

Despite  her  fearlessness  and  wild  streak,  Kerry  has  grown  into  a  graceful  and  composed  young  woman.  Once  again,  she  has  shown  me  that  I  needn’t  be  ner-­‐vous.  I  can  trust  her  to  do  the  right  thing,  even  when  she  knows  I’m  not  looking.

Elena  and  I  had  dinner  plans,  and  we  kept  them.  But  under  the  table  I  sent  Kerry  a  text.  “Big  thumbs  up.  Quite  a  gentleman.  Love,  Dad.”

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At  The  Good  Men  Project  Magazine,  we  write,  discuss,  and  invite  commentary  on  a  whole  slew  of  topics  for  men  and  about  men  in  today’s  world.  Real,  honest,  complex,  and  thought-­‐provoking.  

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Tom  Matlack,  together  with  James  Houghton  and  Larry  Bean,  published  an  

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About  Tom  MatlackTom  Matlack  is  just  foolish  enough  to  believe  he  is  a  decent  man.  He  has  a  16-­‐year-­‐old  daughter  and  

of  his  life.

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began.  Want  to  buy  the  book?  Click  here.  Want  to  learn  more?  Here  you  go.