the awakening

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  • The Awakening

    Migdal Eden

  • The Awakening

    Dedicated to an unnamed love

  • 1

    ..There were You and I in Jerusalem.

    And there were a lot of ghosts floating around

    interfering with things

    with their cerebral plasma.

    Ghosts from your childhoodghosts from mine although mine were

    mostly dealt with.

    3 years in Alanon

    after I recognized myself in the book

    Women who Love too Much

    Bioenergetics

    Healing workshops where I was told that

    in my past I was a very powerful witch

    and that I still had great powerto do either

    great harmor great goodand I choose good

    and a thesis on Bowens Differentiation of Self within the Family using

    my own family as the triangle players

    and a working plan to de-triangulate and to gain a differentiated self

    that worked had all contributed to my ability to

    Be Here Now

  • 2

    That and my left handedness and my learning how to switch

    almost at will from the left hand side of the brain to the right.

    Oh the beautiful right! Whered Id lived almost exclusively

    from birth until the age of 21when I started talking.

    Before that Id been a treeFEELING A SENSE OF ONENESS

    FEELING A SENSE OF WHOLENESS because

    in the right hand world time does not existThere is only NOW.

    And words do not existbutpoetry doesand

    musicandgetting from here to there can be

    accomplishedwithoutmoving.

    And the senses are so enhanced The poetry paintings

    painted from your eyes and your ears and your tongue

    are positives of Van Goghs sickness

    and no LSD (Life Support Diodes) needed to be on the Trip.

    And there I was in the NOW embodying what I called

    The Indifferent Joy, embodying a Joy that could not be effected by an

    external event or person.

    Then I went to collegeand

    had to talk.

  • 3

    But this was much laterand

    There were You and I in Jerusalem.

    You with your ghosts and me with

    my memories of ghosts.

    Before the book Woman who Love Too Much and Alanon

    Id ruined a perfectly good marriage

    by not dealing with my ghostsby not

    knowing or acknowledging that these ghosts existed.

    I was the casebook woman who tried to love and be married by

    making an exception to the man that I was withby entrusting him with my heart and

    my lifewhen I didnt trust men or like men(with good reason as a child)

    in general.

    And my husband didnt help. Doctor Saleh. He tried to be a HEROthe man who

    Never told a lie

    That WAS hard to live with. It was like living with a cardboard cutout

    who had all of his negative feelings repressed and ironed out.

    Needless to say there was never any conflict in the house andnever

    any resolution to those non-existent conflicts.

  • 4

    Well by the time you walked into The National Diamond Centerand

    OUR EYES METas they sayviolins madly sawing away

    I had re-emerged as a woman who had met head on and dealt with

    my frightening alcoholic father, my frightening alcoholic uncles

    and my severeand non-loving grandfather.

    Id come to like and even love men in general

    and evenhad more men friends than woman.

    And then you walked into The National Diamond Centerand

    OUR EYES METand I wasso

    utterly unprepared to meet

    THE MAN WHO LOVED TOO MUCH.

    There should have been a road sign posted at the intersection

    where the crash occurred

    BE PREPARED TO STOP

    butthere wasnt.

  • 5

  • 6

    The eyes say it all

  • 7

    Yes, the eyes say it all

    and there you stood

    your deep and luminous eyes

    shining out at me.

    Maybe if Id of known what was coming

    I would have runbut

    I didnt.

    Instead I felt an answering smile

    welling up from the depths.

    Oh, where are these things born from?

    And we then proceeded to have a

    passionate love affair for the next two years

    without it once getting physical

    in spite of my best efforts.

    I should have known from thatthat

    something was very wrong.

    Well, that and your numerous stories of all the destructive bitches that you had met

    and married anywayif not over and over againwell, than quite a number of times.

    And you just kept staring at me like I was the Goddess on Earth.

    I mean I was, but what did you really want?

  • 8

    Because of the lack of touching and holding, and to be blunt about it Fucking

    my natural healing abilities, my right hand side of the brain side

    went berserk with intensified feelings.

    I couldnt hold you?

    So what was the answer.

    I developed telepathic abilities with you.

    I could pass messages to you from 3000 miles away.

    I wasnt allowed to express my love to you?

    I probably developed a general Shine Onto the World in general.

    A lot of men fell in love with me at this time

    both living and dead.

    The more that you loved methe more that you seemed to shy away..

    even turning your eyes away from me at times

    when you told me that even though your current fiance

    was a bitch

    and 3000 miles away on top of itrefusing to join you in Israel

    while you turned around the companythat

    you had been hired to turnaround

    No, you(turn your eyes away from me while you say this)

    No, youwere going to go home and marry herand

    that was that!

  • 9

    And the more that you loved me

    and you loved me more and moreeveryday

    the more you turned your eyes away from me

    so that I couldnt see in

    and the more you said

    that was that

    You were going to marry her.

    I had to perform telepathy to find you.

    And you were standing right next to me!

  • 10

    There should have been a

    road sign posted at the

    intersection

    where the crash occurred

    BE PREPARED TO STOP

    butthere wasnt.

  • 11

    Then at last SUDDENLYafter

    Maximum Tortureor after eating crackers with the Maximum Pleasure

    you left

    YOU WERE GONE.

    And I did the unforeseeable.

    I flew after you

    like a comet sucked into the gravity of the vortex of your going.

    I hadnt been back in America in fifteen years

    on purpose.

    Id left America fifteen years back

    and stayed away forfifteen years

    for reasons I felt like weresound.

    So I flew to my mothersthe one that I had been

    differentiated from for almost two decades already

    and by now we were very good friends.

    I tried to contact you and failed.

    Not even the telepathy was functioning.

    There was a black curtain pulled over your eyes.

    In other words: CURTAINS FOR ME.

    In retrospectWhat was I the earthbound Goddess doingtaking flight to America to find you, who the

    more you love me the more you cannot stand to be found.

  • 12

    Fifteen years

    have passed

  • 13

  • 14

    Four years ago I was FULL OF WORDS

    FULL OF MUSIC FULL OF RESONATIONS

    FULL OF SPIRIT FULL OF FREE

    A lot of men were falling in love with me

    which I noticed like

    a tree notices

    the breeze.

    It stirred my leaves but

    didnt really catch

    my attention.

    I wrote 10 books in 3 years.

    Words were pouring out of me.

    LIFE WAS POURING INTO ME

    THEN I

    HAD THE ACCIDENT

    and after the accident

    I couldnt sleep

    never again

    so I couldnt dream.

  • 15

    AND THEN

    On then on the first anniversary of my mothers DEATH DAY and on

    HIS BIRTHDAY

    my husband (small h)

    did something so stupid and HURTFUL

    that after writing 400 PAGES OF LOVE poems

    to him

    my voice! my words!

    were KILLED.

    I never wrote another love poem to him

    I never wrote anything at all for the next

    4 YEARS

    AND I SUFFERED

    AND I GOT SICK

    AND I DID NOT DREAM

    AND I DID NOT SLEEP

    AND I SAW IN COLORS THAT WERE NOT COLORS

    IN OPAQUE GREYS AND BLACKS

    AND

    I COULD NOT FIND A REASON WHY I SHOULD KEEP ON LIVING. Period.

  • 16

    BUT

    ONE THING WAS A small SAVING GRACE

    I COULD MAKE AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHS

    IMAGES THAT STUNNED

    POURED OUT OF ME

    TRYING TO CRY OUT WHAT I

    COULDNT SAY.

    THEN

    2 months ago.

    I found out the cause of my sleeplessness

    AND

    slept at night for a month

    THEN

    You answered my request to be my friend on Face book.

    The request had been open for a month

    when you answered Yes

    like a BOLT OUT OF THE SKY

    as you said on AUGUST 31

    NOW, you keep saying that I came back to you on your birthday.

    Well, happy Birthday.

  • 17

    Id been feeling the itch and stab of

    needing to write again

    for about a weekand

    IT WAS TIME TO SCRATCH

    AND

    BY YOU I WAS

    TAKEN BY SURPRISE

    A SECOND TIME!

    OH, GOD DID YOU TURN THE WORDS ON

    OH, GOD DID YOU TURN THE WORLD ON

    OH, GOD, I NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU LIKE THAT.

    *I FORGOT SOMETHING (See later)

    BUT I WROTE!

    THE WORDS CANNOT BE STOPPED

  • 18

    Ill search for you over the deserts

  • 19

    What happened? What happened?

    So many blows f