the andalucian - february 2014

Is it me or has January just flown by? I can’t believe we’re more than half way through February already — maybe someone should tell the weather it is supposed to be warming up now! We must think ourselves lucky, though, when we see the extremes which have been hitting the UK. With the loss of most of the regular British channels on the TV, there seems to be not much left to watch except for the floods on the news. Next month we will be discussing the current broadcasting of programmes to see if we can get some solutions for you — it is not something we have rushed to speculate over in The Andalucían, as the last thing we all need is to panic-buy a system which may or may not work.

One piece of more cheerful news is that we have the pleasure of introducing you to the very talented Sarah Jackson, who has kindly agreed to join us as our resident health and beauty writer. If you have any health issues you would like Sarah to cover, please write to her in confidence; her email address can be found in her article on page 28.

Another great personal friend to us and the magazine is parish priest, Father David of the Chapel of St George with St James in Aguadulce. Father David has written a compelling and somewhat lighthearted commentary on page 6 about an incredible adventure he and his wife had a few years ago. Also, with travel in mind, John’s tale on page 24 will make you smile. Having read these two chaps’ encounters, I am not sure I’m not better off staying at home!

Wherever you go this month – enjoy yourselves, and don’t forget to take the magazine with you!

www.theandalucian.com2

Mike

Hello

Editor’s Slice

Join us on Facebookwww.facebook.com/theandalucian

Special thanks to our writers and contributorsAlice MarriottDerek LavenderFr David WorsleyFran Rajewski

John Sharrock TaylorSarah JacksonTAPASTricia Johnson

The Andalucían X5092417DCalle Juanita Romero s/nCampillos 29320, Malaga

Next deadline: 7 MarchWe won’t be beaten on advertising prices, see page 22 for details

Contact usTelephone: +34 952 723075Mobile: +34 627 683380 [email protected] www.theandalucian.com

Owner: Claire Marriott Editor: Mike Marriott

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Editor’s Slice

Around AndAluciA

4 www.theandalucian.com

Those of you who have not explored the town of Loja and its surrounding villages are missing some treats. The town is by far the biggest in western Granada (Poniente Granadino) and boasts many features. It is surrounded by the Sierras de Loja, now known for its many wind generators and the hand gliders that regularly fly from the top. Deep under these imposing monsters lies the source of the town’s fabulous supply of water. The town is known to many as the Cuidad de Agua, and this becomes noticeable as you walk around because of the number of fountains, not least of which is the famous 25 spouts. Sadly it is in one of the less attractive areas, but is nonetheless impressive.

The town has an excellent tourist office in Constitution square. The staff are very helpful and most speak English. Near the tourist office is the Moorish arch, through which you access the site of the ancient Moorish street market. Those of you who have the energy can continue up the fairly steep ─ but short ─ incline to the site of the old fortress with its fabulous panoramic views.

The town hall was originally the palace and home of Narvaez, the Duke of Valencia. If you are visiting during opening hours, it’s well worth a visit. In the entrance are various examples of the marble that is still taken from the nearby mountains and shipped far and wide. When the armies of Queen Isabella re-conquered the area from the Moors she called the town “A flower among the thorns”.

The town, which can take pride in its many shops, sees the opening this month of The British Grocer, just behind Mercadona at the Granada end of the town. There, you will be able to buy all things British at excellent prices. As well as its many shops and impressive sports facilities, the town also boasts many excellent restaurants. The village of Riofrio lies just west of Loja on the A92; this small annexe of Loja is famous for its trout and caviar, and boasts many fine eating houses ─ all providing excellent food and service and of course, the local produce. If you visit the village ─ which is a must for food lovers ─ try and make the time to walk along the river and on up to its nacimiento, or birthplace, where the water pours from the rocks and crashes down in some beautiful cascades.

There is far too much to see in one day in the area so come again, or you could stay in one of the area’s hostals or hotels which range from budget to the 5 star+. The internet is a good source of information as always. If you get stuck or can’t speak very fluent Spanish, The British Grocer is to provide a help point for expat residents and holidaymakers – due to open on March 1st, see the advert on the back cover for more details.

Spotlight on Loja by Derek Lavender

Just for fun


1. What is the name of the Paranoid Android in Douglas Adams’ ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’?2. In Monopoly, the green set consists of Bond Street, Regent Street and which other?3. Who created Snoopy?4. After how many years would you celebrate your crystal anniversary?5. Which sign of the zodiac would you be if your birthday was on October 18?6. Who was the first famous non-royal to appear on a UK postage stamp?7. Which measurement of speed is equivalent to one nautical mile per hour?8. Of what is semiotics the study?9. What does NATO stand for?10. What type of food is a Chanterelle?11. Can you name two of the ‘Chasers’ from the ITV quiz show ‘The Chase’?12. In which 1993 TV mini-series did John Thaw and Lindsay Duncan play married couple Peter and Annie Mayle?

13. Place these three actors in order from oldest to youngest – Sir Patrick Stewart, Sir Derek Jacobi or Sir Ian McKellen?14. What is the currency of Iceland?15. How many episodes of Fawlty Towers were made?16. In which European city would you find the Rialto Bridge?17. What is the medical name for the shin bone?18 What is the motto of the S.A.S?19. Which British motorway reaches the furthest north?20 ‘Volkswagen’ literally translates as what in English?

Answers can be found on page 31

Twenty teasers - mixed bag of

mind-blowing questions

tAlking Point

Pirate attacks are something we either ride on in theme parks, read about in books or see on the screen – you don’t expect to experience one in everyday life. However, that’s exactly what happened to my wife, Joe, and me in 2009.

The adventure began when we embarked on a holiday to celebrate Joe’s retirement and my recovery from a heart attack the previous August. We were to enjoy a voyage from Durban in South Africa to Genoa in Italy, calling at Reunion, Mauritius, Victoria (Seychelles), Safaga (Egypt), Aqaba (Jordan) Sokhna (Egypt), through the Suez Canal and then to Genoa with a stop in Naples on the way.

We decided to spend a few days in Durban before joining the ship so after the Easter Day Mass, we drove to Malaga and flew to Durban, arriving shortly after 1300 on Easter Monday. Our guest-house was excellent and we met Alan, who would be a guide for us for the three days. We “did” Durban itself, then a game reserve at Tala, a Zulu traditional village, and dancing and sight-seeing in the Valley of a Thousand Hills – quite beautiful. We enjoyed our short stay in South Africa and met some lovely people.

We bid farewell to Alan on April 17 and a fond “hello” to the MSC Melody, on which we had travelled twice before. We were disappointed to be advised that due to pirate activity in the Aden Gulf, an alteration in our itinerary was necessary. We were to have longer in the Seychelles (hurrah!) but it would involve an overnight stay in Victoria harbour (boo!). They had also cut out the stop on the Red Sea coast of Egypt in Safaga, and would steam directly north after the Seychelles stop to pick up the international shipping lanes and thereby military protection to take us through to the Red Sea. Little did we know how directly and frighteningly we would experience pirate activity — but not in the Gulf of Aden!

We were slightly delayed leaving Durban but with four full days at sea ahead of us made up the time quite easily, arriving in Reunion on schedule. We visited the capital, St. Denis, and found the island very interesting. An overnight sailing would take us to Mauritius and we arrived in Port Louis, the capital, again on time.

Our next stop was Victoria in the Seychelles, some two days sailing away, but we arrived there at the re-scheduled time and our friend, Nazreen Allibhaye, collected us on arrival and took us to a wonderful restaurant specialising in Creole food. The next day, we re-visited the north part of the island of Mahé, collecting another friend, Maureen Camille, on the way and stopping at the airport to catch up with a host of my former students. All too soon it was time to head back to the Melody with seven days' sailing ahead of us before docking in Aqaba, Jordan. Little did we suspect the dramas that would overtake us.

The day after we sailed from Durban, I had offered my services to the ship as a priest with possible Eucharists on Low Sunday, St. George's Day, Easter 2 and Easter 3. I could not have received better co-operation, and I was even made an honorary crew-member.

The day we left the Seychelles was April 25, St. Mark's Day, and I had planned a private Mass in the cabin for that afternoon. However, the cruise director had approached me with a request to lead an ANZAC Day memorial service, which we did, incorporating it into the Eucharist for St. Mark – after all, it has been St. Mark's Day far longer than ANZAC Day! Again, the turnout was impressive. However, our peace was soon to be shattered.

At around 2330 the ship, still in Seychelles' waters, was attacked by Somali pirates, whose aim was to take the ship, the 991 passengers and 500 crew and hold them all hostage in Somalia. Once the alarm had been raised, the captain immediately put into force the “plan” which they had practised and prepared for since before leaving Durban. Our Israeli security guards were issued with arms from the captain's cabin, and told to “fire in the air and shout” to dissuade the boarders. According to the official release, this worked and, although the ship was shot up by the repelled boarders, leaving nasty shell-holes for all to see, no-one was hurt and the terrorists were repelled by the crew and the Israeli security guards.


Piracy on the

high seas by Father David

This is the “official” version. The truth was somewhat different! The terrorists, being extremely vicious and nasty but a little dim, hit the ship at 2330 when all the late evening events were still underway. It was a group of British passengers who saw the rocket-propelled grappling hooks come over the guard rails, and armed black men coming up the ropes. It was the same British passengers who began to throw sun-loungers at them (heavy things made of metal – not your cheap plastic ones!) dislodging one who became shark meat. Another initiated a gun-fight and it was one of the same British passengers who alerted the crew on the bridge. These same passengers held the terrorists at bay and were shot at until the “plan” could be put into operation.

All passengers were then ordered to return to their cabins, turn off the lights and lock the doors. The “plan” worked and by returning fire and turning fire hoses on the terrorists, they were repelled. If, however, the terrorists had hit the ship at 0300 instead of 2330, there is every probability that they would have taken the ship, with passengers and crew easily quelled by putting bullets in the heads of selected passengers. I, as the priest on board, would very likely have been one of the favourites, as these were all Jihadist Muslims.

After the incident we were told to remain in our cabins until after 0800, presumably whilst they searched the ship for any terrorists who may have got aboard. However, the sweep revealed nothing and we all resumed life as “normal” after 0800 with all planned external activities taking place in the saloons.

Our Mass that afternoon was very atmospheric and the largest congregation I have ever had, with many people wanting to discuss the whole event. However, the following day, the captain called a meeting of all passengers to explain what had happened in

an attempt to quell the wild rumours going round the ship. It was a public relations disaster. Trying to repeat everything in four languages he succeeded in satisfying no-one, stating that he couldn't give any details of the attack as it was “secret” and that no-one had been hurt and we should all go back to enjoying the weather, the pools and the cruise.

He also complained that information had been leaving the ship via internet and picked up by the international press. No-one expected him to reveal details of the “plan” — after all the pirates were still out there somewhere – but it was the captain's blank refusal to acknowledge the role the British passengers had played which really annoyed them. Another meeting was called for the next day, but was going nowhere. Then a German passenger said he was a journalist for “Stern” and “Der Spiegel” magazines and he proceeded to seek out the passengers involved in repelling the attack and those who had been injured. There was mutiny in the air as the British passengers again expressed their disgust, and as the meeting degenerated into a shouting match, the captain was fetched.

Continued on page 8

tAlking Point


However, instead of rescuing the situation, he dug in his heels, repeated the bland statements of the previous day and dismissed the British passengers' contribution as “nothing”. He was certainly economical with the truth and his assertion that no-one had been hurt was a little difficult to take when we'd all seen at least three passengers bandaged up in odd places and wandering around the ship in a shell-shocked condition. One of them was subsequently taken off the ship in Aqaba, diagnosed in the Jordanian hospital there as having shrapnel wounds. He was air-lifted back to the UK. The two other injured parties were treated for flying glass – bad enough.

After the attack, the ship steamed north at full speed in order to put as much mileage as possible between it and the pirates, and we were subsequently escorted by a Spanish naval vessel, the Marques de Ensenada. She was a support vessel, reasonably armed but with a helicopter gun-ship on the back. This made everyone feel more secure and the helicopter made regular sweeps to ensure we were not being followed. An Italian naval vessel, which was to have taken over from the Marques de Ensenada to speed up our entry into the Red Sea, came across a pirate ship and took several pirates prisoner — including some involved in the attack on the Melody.

As ship-life settled down to what was almost normality, the ship was hit by a mystery virus three or four days later. As we heard the coughing getting closer to our cabin, it became only a matter of time before it invaded and infected us. It hit me particularly hard due to my weakened state. For three days I was totally incapacitated and Joe was also affected, but to a lesser degree. The ship's doctor did not know the strain of virus, and when we visited him he'd already seen 300 passengers with the same symptoms and expected to see the further 200 over the next two to three days! He could not give me antibiotics as they might have interfered with my heart medication so it was back to the old remedy – lemon and honey! The virus kept recurring, but I was just about strong enough to offer the last Mass of Farewell and Thanksgiving for safe passage. On our return home, though, my GP took one look and uttered the now-familiar words “Hospital NOW!” After a further nine days of tests, they again got my body to respond properly to medication; fortunately, the virus had not attacked my vital organs. Thanks go again to the Spanish health system and Osuna Hospital who all look after me so well and, as ever, to Fr. Adolfo who got me checked in and translated throughout.

tAlking Point

We are all “economical with the truth” on occasions; often for the best reasons. If you are visiting someone in hospital and tell them, “Prepare yourself, you're not going to be here by Friday”, it may be the truth but damaging and unhelpful. We try to spare the feelings of others by being considerate. However, such altruistic motives were probably not behind Captain Pinto's blank refusal to admit the role of the passengers in the terrorist attack. It was probably because it would have shown him to have been inadequate. When the alarm was raised – by a passenger, not a lookout as it should have been — Captain Pinto, by his own admission, was talking to two ladies in a bar. Only then did he issue arms to the Israeli security force. However, our thanks still go to him for the “plan” and particularly to the Israeli security guards for their action in ensuring the ship was not taken.

There is something special about the British sense of humour. On the evening after the attack, our usual eight were sitting around the dinner table and the jokes started – as much out of relief as anything else. One of our table said that they had attacked at 2330 because the pirates wanted to join in the line dancing! He then related an imaginary conversation between the pirate chief and his men when they returned to the mother-ship.“We've got bad news and good news, which do you want first?”“The bad news.”“Well, it wasn't a total success. We didn't take the ship and have lost Mohammed and Rashid.”“So, what's the good news?”“We've got six new chairs, four sun-loungers and a table, so we're going back tonight to see if they'll lob down a couple of parasols”.And so on it went!


Men’s MAtters

Hopefully you’ve all had a fantastic Valentine’s day, with good company, good food and of course, good… wine! As I write this I am finally finishing saying hello to the New Year, and saying goodbye to all those goals and resolutions I was aiming for, too! Whether it was my weight loss, a new hobby or saving money, I’m pretty much failing at all of them, but I’m never opposed to expanding my horizons in some way – unfortunately, one of my greatest loves (except for my wife, of course, who is my number one love – yes, I forgot to wine and dine her this year), expands my waistline too: my love of fine wine.

I enjoy the grape juice but it has to be a decent bottle, so being the advocate that I am, I’m always willing to introduce people into the world of wine. I’m still perturbed that most British don’t share rest of the world’s enthusiasm about wine. Maybe it has to do with a “high-class only” perception that good wine projected for so many decades. Wine was seen mostly as a luxury item, but those days are long gone. It is widely available and quite inexpensive in some cases ─ especially here in Andalucía; we are truly spoilt with the choice and price.

For example, you are out for a meal at a restaurant (note to the Missus – you can’t always book a table on Valentine’s night!), you’ve been promptly seated, the hostess hands out the menus and the wine list as well. You look at the list and are immediately overwhelmed: French, Californian, Italian, Spanish, Australian…some lists can be quite intimidating.

Your dinner date looks at you and mutters the words you didn’t want to hear, “You choose.”

If you know your basics, you can manoeuvre through any wine list and come out looking like a connoisseur. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t find it attractive that a man knows his wine, so here are some basics to get you started.

Know your grapesThere are basically six grapes you should all get to know and love. Knowing them is a good foundation for your wine knowledge. Of course there are two main groups: whites and reds.

WhitesRiesling: This is lightest of the whites. Some are made dry and some have some sweetness to them. When most people think of Riesling they think of something sweet, which is usually done by the Germans. If you ever wonder if a Riesling will have a sweet finish, look at the alcohol content on the bottle. The lower the alcohol content the more residual sugar in the wine, therefore the sweeter it is!

Sauvignon Blanc: Medium-bodied with good acidity and fruit. Usually a well-balanced wine that is perfect for a hot day. Plus it goes well with almost anything you eat.

Chardonnay: The most full-bodied of the whites. Probably the most popular choice of all the white wines. They can be balanced with acidity and fruit, or lean towards a creamier, buttery texture. I find a lot of women like the latter ─ if that’s the case, choose something from California if available.

RedsPinot Noir: Pinot is definitely the lightest red of the six major grapes. It’s also the most difficult to grow, and in my opinion, the most phenomenal to drink if it’s something special.


If wine be the

food of love... by A Man

Men’s MAtters

Merlot: Medium-bodied with a good balance of fruit and structure. Just because the film Sideways gave it a bad rep, it doesn’t mean it’s a horrible wine. Before that movie came out, merlot was the best-selling wine in America. It still ranks up there and probably the most expensive wine in the world, Chateau Petrus, is merlot.

Cabernet Sauvignon: The heavy hitter of the reds is the most full-bodied and structured wine of them all. This is what you have with your steak or prime rib; a match made in heaven.

So there are the six major grapes in a nutshell. If you’re still wondering what I mean about light-bodied compared to full-bodied, imagine the difference in non-fat milk as opposed to whole milk. There is a definite range of texture and mouth-feel difference between the two. It’s the same with wine.

Yes, gents, alcohol is loved by all. We’ve all had our vodka/whisky/tequila-filled nights that we’d soon rather forget — if they can be remembered at all.

However, I think the majority of us agree that we don’t need to be downing spirits every night if we feel like having a drink. The next time you feel the urge for the sauce, pop a cork and broaden your horizons. Try putting down your pint — it’s about time to start drinking like a connoisseur.


chArity news

We all know how hard it is to find the motivation to exercise... but above all, it is keeping that motivation alive which seems to be even harder!

Many of us make the decision to embark on a fitter and healthier life by taking up a new sporting activity, or just generally doing more (any, in some cases!) exercise. Are you one of those people? Made that New Year resolution again this year to get fitter, do more? Of course you did… who hasn’t? But is this a case of ‘every year you make the same resolution?’ You have probably already tried several times until lack of sufficient motivation strikes, leading to you give up after a few months! Don’t worry… you're not the only one!

Usually, when embarking on a new challenge (sporting or otherwise), the motivation tends to be very high at first. Then we are faced with difficulties, sometimes unforeseen, which slow the journey towards achieving our goals. Suddenly our motivation decreases and most of the time we give

up. Here are some tips to maintain your enthusiasm throughout your sporting project.

The first hurdle to overcome is making the decision to become healthier ─ this is half the battle. The first days will surely be difficult but this is when your incentives will be at their highest. So take advantage of this time. Planning a workout/exercise regime in your schedule is not an easy task, especially when you come home from work tired or the weather is a bit colder; it is so much easier to curl up on the sofa and think ‘I will start tomorrow’.

But don’t put it off – start as soon as you can. Plan some exercise – even a five minute walk a day to build up your stamina. The important thing is to do it – actually book yourself an allotted time to do some exercise and stick to it. If you have difficulties finding


5x50: get motivated! By Fran Rajewski

chArity news

time in your day, why not get more creative with your exercise? See next month’s magazine for more intuitive ways of keeping fit without needing to set aside any additional time.

When those first few days of your new scheduled sessions are under your belt, you’ll realise that you have finally got there and you’ll start wondering how you could have postponed it for so long. Exercise has become a daily ‘me’ time and suddenly, before you know it, you are weeks into your new healthier lifestyle with that wonderful added bonus that not only are you feeling better, but you are looking better too!

It is normally during those first few days that you have a breakthrough moment where after only a few minutes of exercising, your endorphins and adrenaline kick in and the elated feeling of well-being immediately overwhelms you. It is in this moment that you promise yourself to take up exercise for good, several times a week. So, feeling fully motivated, you manage to keep at it for few weeks, a month or a few months, but many still end up giving up. This can be for several reasons: an illness or change in circumstances, perhaps, but do not despair and feel desperate if you do not know what to do! It can be

a hard barrier to overcome — do not be too hard on yourself if you hit this brick wall; you are changing your lifetime habits and that is not an easy task for the most motivated amongst us. But help is out there.

When we renew our love-hate relationship with exercise, it is difficult to find the right balance. The high motivation of the first days gives way to the exhaustion of trying to fit yet another activity into our busy schedule. Similarly, it is easy to do sports in summer but when the cold, rainy days arrive, trying to find motivation is a killer. That is when 5x50 comes into play, as not only does it encourage everyone to renew their relationship with exercise or sport, but by inciting you to commit daily to an activity, it also teaches you to fit it into your schedule, allowing you enough time to put yourself and your wellbeing first. Look at it as complete training for the body and the soul.

Read our 5x50 testimonials on page 14


chArity news

Diana Berryman, SalinasI was inspired to do 5x50 2013 by a friend who has overcome physical problems to get herself fit and healthy, and I thought if she can do it, what is my excuse not to? I am very overweight and full of excuses not to get off my backside. When listening to what my friend has overcome I thought I cannot keep making ridiculous excuses such as “I don’t have enough time”, “it hurts to walk too far” etc anymore. Once I started my training I realised I COULD do it and I never looked back. I am now fitter and healthier than I have been in years. Although I didn’t carry on walking every day after the challenge finished, I maintained my fitness and am very much looking forward to taking part in 5x50 2014. Bring it on! Bénédicte Luc, La RabitaI registered for 50 x 50 this year, as I did last year, for two main reasons: 1) my contribution to the charity means I do something for others, while 2) my physical contribution to the challenge means I do something for me. My health benefits greatly from entering this noble cause and as such I am highly motivated.

Jérôme Duquène, Fuensanta de MartosI’ve registered for the second time. My wife got into it last year and I had first registered to support her. Then, I thought it couldn’t do any harm. And it surely doesn’t. 5x50 is just the incentive I need to get myself out of the office every day for a bit of exercise.

For more information on this year’s 5x50 Challenge contact Fran at [email protected] or visit the website at www.5x50.org and register under our local team 5x50 Andalusia and beyond.


Just for fun

• The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No-one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.• Two-thirds of the world's aubergines are grown in New Jersey.• Almonds are members of the peach family.• There are, on average, 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.• Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula".• The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"• The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz".• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.• John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.• 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.• Michael Jordan makes more money from NIKE annually than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.• The volume of the Earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific ocean.• Spiral staircases in medieval castles run clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs, they would not be able to use their right hand, which was holding the sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would

have had no troubles ─ except that left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil.• Each year there is one ton of cement poured for each man, woman and child in the world.• The house fly hums in the middle octave key of F.• The longest place name which is still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotam-eteaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokai-whenu a kitanatahu - a New Zealand hill.• Only 1 in 2,000,000,000 will live to be 116 or older.• A cat's jaw cannot move sideways.• If a statue of a person on horseback has both of the horse’s front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If there is one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If all four legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.• Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."• Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.• The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.• The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.• In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting licence.


25 useless things you just

don’t need to know about...

chArity news


On your marks... get set... BAKE!The first TAPAS event of the year is the popular Spring Bake Off and Fair which is being held on Saturday March 29 at Los Arcos, Km6 Coín/Cártama Road.

Whether you love to bake or simply wish to sample the best bakes in town — come along. The doors are open from midday until 2pm.

See if you can pick the winners and while the judging takes place, browse the stalls and enjoy a complimentary cuppa and biscuit from the ever-popular Betty’s Tea Room. After judging you’ll be able to buy cakes to take home.

For those wishing to take part in the Bake Off, which is open to all, there are four categories: cup cakes, sponge cakes, tray bake cakes and fruit cake. Three judges will be scoring on appearance, texture and of course, the all-important taste.

Full details can be found in the Spring Bake-Off section of the TAPAS website – www.tapassociety.com To enter the competition please download and print the entry form from the website, or email [email protected] asking for a copy.

Entries are to be received by TAPAS by March 20. Entry forms can be given to the event organiser Liz Haigh or a member of the TAPAS committee. Alternatively, email the entry information requested to [email protected] heading your email Spring Bake-Off Entry.

Competitors are asked to arrive at Los Arcos no later than 11am on the 29th to set out their cakes. Doors open at 12 noon. Entry €2 - includes entry into the competition. Judging will be at 12.45.

To book a stall at the Fair please email Liz for more information at [email protected]

If you have never been to Los Arcos before, it is very easy to find, on the Coín/Cátama Road – A7059, Km 6 and there is plenty of parking.

Further information from the TAPAS box office 635 293 714 or email [email protected]

So what are you waiting for?Get those cake tins out!

We will be featuring the winners in our April edition – good luck, bakers!

legAl Advice


A number of British and other foreign residents have returned to their home countries to find work or for health or social reasons. Many want to keep their Spanish property, rather than selling in a buyer’s market. Although the price of property is recovering, renting the Spanish property can bring a steady income which covers the running costs and in some cases, pays part or all of a mortgage. Standard rental contracts can be purchased off the peg but it is wise to get some advice on the law on urban rentals so that you don’t have any surprises.

As a landlord, is very important to have civil responsibility insurance and to specify that you want this to cover a rented property.

For non-tax residents who rent out property, taxation of 24.75 per cent is levied on rentals. A form 210 needs to be completed if you are a non-resident Spanish property owner. This can be entered quarterly and if you are joint owners, each owner must submit this form. If you are tax resident in the UK and declare the rental in the UK you can make a double tax claim to ensure you are not paying twice; relief will be given equal to the Spanish tax paid or the UK tax liability, which is the smaller.

Tax residents need to declare rental on property other than their home. This needs to be declared on your annual return. There are generous allowances and many expenses are deductible; accountants can advise on this aspect of rentals.

There are a number of ways the tax authorities are catching up on undeclared rentals, such as tying up changes in utilities with ownership of properties. This can show the existence of an undeclared rental contract.

For more information on any aspect of property law or another legal matter, please contact your nearest De Cotta Law Office for a private consultation. With offices based in Mijas/Calahonda, Coin, Nerja and Tenerife, please visit www.decottalaw.net for details on your local branch. Alternatively, contact De Cotta Law’s head office in Mijas on 952 931 781 or via email to [email protected]

The best way of avoiding a dispute is to have a formal contract tailored to your particular situation. For example a short-term contract of six to 11 months is better if you don’t want to be tied into extending the contract term to three years and a further one. However, a tenant who can show that it is their principal residence or “home” and that they have been in the property for a continual period of a year or more can contest the continual granting of “short-term” contracts. If, however, you are a landlord and need to return to the property to live on a permanent basis, you can give two months’ notice to quit to the tenant.

Another possibility is that you are trying to sell the property and may require access for viewing by potential purchasers. This needs to be very clearly put in the contract to avoid any problems. A one month deposit is normal in rental contracts and tenants normally pay for utilities.

Rental of Spanish property by De Cotta Law

things to do


I can be a bit sceptical when it comes to home-made remedies but I was amazed with this soothing bedtime drink — it really worked for me. I've been very stressed and having trouble sleeping (as in going to bed at 2am and waking up at 6am). I think it's important to note that if you're taking this to help you sleep, then you can always do something else relaxing as well, such as a warm bath, reading, music, etc if you feel the need.

The taste is very soothing: a light creamy sweet taste. I put the milk in a coffee mug with the honey (a bit more than the recipe calls for) and heated in the microwave for a minute. Do keep an eye on it, though – you don’t want to scald the milk so just heat till warm. Mix it up with a spoon when you take it out (the honey will be easier to blend into the milk then). It worked like a charm... I fell asleep easily, woke up easily...and felt stress free all day.Maybe the sceptics will say it is mind over matter — after a full seven hours’ sleep, I don’t mind and they don’t matter!

Ingredients1 teaspoon honey. I prefer lavender honey but any will do – ideally, the more organic the better if available.1 cup warm milk

Method1 Mix the honey in the luke-warm milk and drink before going to bed. 2 Sweet dreams!

Deposito Legal MA-1110-2004

Copyright © 2004 - 2014 All rights reserved

All advertisements are published in good faith and are for information purposes. We do not under any circumstances accept responsibility for the accuracy of such advertisements, nor is any kind of warranty or endorsement expressed or implied by such publication.

The editorials are not a substitute for legal advice, and not intended or offered as such. The Andalucían does not therefore accept any duty of care to anyone who makes use of, or seeks to rely on, material in this publication.

No part of this or any previous Local Connections or The Andalucían publications may be used or reproduced without the prior written consent of the owner.

Sweet induced

dreams

things to do


This anti-fungal, anti-bacterial spray is also an excellent insect repellent. It is great for getting rid of most creepy crawly visitors this spring, and won’t damage your plants.

You can use it as often as you like ─ it is so cheap and easy to make and means you can always have a sprayer on hand.

Ingredients3 cloves garlic, crushed 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 litre water 1 teaspoon washing-up liquid

Method1 Combine the garlic and vegetable oil and leave to soak overnight 2 Strain and add to the water along with the liquid soap 3 Spray regularly

Oil-based mixtures can be used to suffocate mites, scaled and other soft-bodied insects. They help to repel leaf miner moths and often grasshopper. However, avoid using this concentrated mixture on plants with hairy leaves or in very hot weather.

This can be made in five minutes and is so much cheaper than the more conventional shop-bought chemical-rich products. Simply blend 500 ml vegetable oil with 120ml pure washing up liquid and seal it in a clean, clearly labelled jar. To use, dilute 1 teaspoon of the concentrate with 1 litre of water before spraying.

Gardener’s friend

garlic spray

sPotlight


Val and I have lived and worked on four continents: Europe, of course, then Latin America, followed by Africa and Asia. We have overnighted on trains and made a number of long-distance car journeys ─ most recently the 1600 miles from New York to Minneapolis, a gentle jaunt compared with our 3500 miles from Connecticut via Mexico and Guatemala to El Salvador in 1991. Mostly, of course, we have gone by air, which is rather like bus travel but more frustrating.

Don’t let anybody try to tell you that all airlines are alike. I have been a regular air traveller for the past quarter of a century and I know for a fact that they aren’t. My favourites include KLM (good with pets) and Emirates (good with everything). In the 1990s, TACA was so famous for its hospitality trolleys that the only person guaranteed to be sober on the New Year’s Eve flight from Miami to San Salvador was the pilot. I hope. Airlines all have their distinctive characteristics. I attended an educational conference at Rugby School where Professor Ted Wragg illustrated it like this:

PILOT: Time check, please?CONTROL TOWER: What airline are you?PILOT: Why do you need to know that?CONTROL TOWER: It’s like this: If you’re Lufthansa, it’s 1300 hours precisely. If you’re Air France, it’s lunch time. And if you’re the Thomas Cook charter flight to Málaga, it’s Thursday.

I once flew from Heathrow to Harare on Air Zimbabwe. There were only 26 of us on the flight but they weighed the hand luggage. I thought this was comical until I realised that they were keeping their fingers crossed in the hope that the amount of fuel they’d bought might be just enough to get us there.

One of the problems with air travel is that you can spend almost as much time waiting around as you do actually flying, and some airports are not fun to wait in. At Chileka in Malawi, the wheels of the

Málaga? It must be Thursday By John Sharrock Taylor

sPotlight


baggage carts hadn’t been oiled in donkeys’ years and were locked solid. So you loaded your cases on a cart and a couple of brawny Africans earned their tips by carrying it, cart included, to your waiting taxi.

The worst airport I have ever experienced was Addis Ababa. Nobody queued (whoever does queue apart from the British and North Americans?) but Addis took not queueing to an entirely unprecedented level. Check-in was permanent gridlock and nobody seemed to give a damn until 20 minutes before a flight was due to depart, at which point all hell broke loose with suitcases, pushchairs and babies being passed hand to hand over the heads of the people who were blocking the way. Despite this chaos on the ground, the national airline became famous for its highly efficient approach to airborne security. The first (and last) Islamic terrorists to try waving loaded guns about on an Ethiopian Airlines flight were swiftly overpowered by its hitherto incognito ‘air marshals,’ strapped down and their throats summarily cut.

these dim infernal circles, the passenger suddenly finds himself assaulted by the scent-spraying priestesses of Chanel and Versace. Duty free? Who do you think you’re kidding, Señorita Hitler?

There are the honourable exceptions. Changi Airport in Singapore, built on the site of the notorious Japanese military prison, has repeatedly won design awards and Minneapolis-St Paul is very nearly its equal. Wide open spaces with foot-friendly flooring flow imperceptibly and logically into each other. Shaded bars and restaurants offer havens to the weary traveller. The music is discreet, well-chosen and, above all, musical. Arriving recently in Madrid after an eight hour night flight from Chicago I was struck by the revelation that Barajas uses the same muzak provider as Eroski. He specialises in grunting males and squalling females who are apparently undergoing dentistry without anaesthetic, while a nurse hammers a jungle drum to drown out the screams.

The worst ─ and by far the funniest airline Val and I ever flew with ─ was a small Andean turbo-prop outfit called Santa Air. The in-flight drinks service consisted of a sickly beverage called Inca Cola which tasted of liquid pear drops. Latin Americans are inclined to be excitable air travellers.

Continued on page 26

Then there’s the language barrier. I arrived at Luton at six o’clock in the morning to find that they’d dug up the access road to the rental car returns point and there were no notices indicating an alternative route. I appealed to half a dozen airport staff in turn and was met with blank incomprehension. I speak English, Spanish and French and I can get by in pidgin German and Portuguese but Luton Polish and Bedfordshire Serbo-Croat utterly defeated me. I left the car, expensively, in the short term car park and sprinted for my flight.

Malawi and Ethiopia at least had the excuse of national poverty but I know bad airports ─ Bangkok springs to mind ─ which have had billions spent on them to make them even worse. And is there any of us who hasn’t played Málaga roulette, where the rules, and the directions to Departures, change on a daily basis? Another permanent building site is Barajas in Madrid which consists of a series of scaffolding warehouses very loosely interconnected by disused greenhouses ─ the whole affair resembling nothing quite so much as a stage set for a Pinteresque evocation of Hell. Wandering bemused through

sPotlight


Peruvians, for instance, will leap up and start rummaging in the overhead lockers the moment the aircraft hits the runway at 70 mph. This would upset some cabin crews but the Santa stewardesses, brawny lasses in skimpy miniskirts and laddered tights, simply sat tight and did their nails.

The vast majority of flight attendants work extremely hard and manage to keep smiling, sometimes in circumstances which might wring an expletive from the Archbishop of Canterbury. Dealing with people en masse is not always a lovely experience, which is perhaps why the Emperor Caligula sometimes wished that the entire human race had one neck.

Of course, not every trolley dolly is a charmer. About to land at Rochester, New York, to visit our son Richard who was doing the practical part of his BSc studies there, I asked the American Airlines stewardess if our younger son Will needed a separate landing card.

The reply, in a Brooklyn accent like Ethel Merman gargling gravel, reverberated through the cabin: ‘Why would he?’‘Well, he’s legally an adult. He’s 21.’‘You’re going to DISOWN him because he’s 21?

Bill Bryson, who is something of a stylistic idol of mine, reveals in Notes from a Big Country that he has sometimes had a trying time with ground staff:

In general, I have nothing but respect for airline cabin crew. Even Iberia recently seems to have woken up to the fact that in this age of intensive competition, a scowling ‘No, the bar is shut,’ is not the most market-conscious response to the dehydrated long haul traveller’s gasping request for a glass of water.

sPotlight


‘‘I need to see some picture ID, said the check-in clerk, who had the charm and boundless motivation you would expect to find in someone whose primary employment perk was a nylon tie. Finally, at the back of my wallet, I found an old Iowa driver’s licence. ‘This is expired,’ he said. ‘Then I won’t ask to drive the plane,’ I promised.’’

In contrast, I have almost invariably found check-in staff pleasant, helpful and only very occasionally stupid. The girl on the BA counter knew that I didn’t live in Singapore but she flashed me a charming smile and said ‘I’d like to give you the opportunity of taking tomorrow’s flight.’‘No thank you,’ I replied pleasantly.‘It really would be helpful, Sir, because there seems to be a problem with your onward booking from Kuala Lumpur.’‘There can’t be.’‘Why not?’‘Because I haven’t come from Kuala Lumpur.’‘You MUST have come from there.’‘Why? Don’t you think I would have noticed?

‘Well, it says here, ‘Taylor, booked from KL to London via Singapore.’’

To cut a lengthening story short, I was successively grilled by three more BA officials in ascending order of rank who were all extremely sceptical of my repeated assertions that I had NEVER visited Kuala Lumpur. And I was successively issued with four different boarding cards, the last one hand-written by a young woman at the departure gate. No sooner had I boarded the aircraft and strapped myself in (Why is the previous passenger always less than half my girth?) than a lady loomed over me and said ‘Excuse me, but I think you’re in my seat.’‘Let me guess,’ I replied. ‘You must be Mrs Taylor en route from Kuala Lumpur.’

The free upgrade to Business Class was much appreciated.

Congratulations to Keith from Mollina who is our lucky winner of last month’s competition to win a copy of John’s new book - No Baboons in India.

heAlth & BeAuty

Here is a question for you to ponder as you browse the pages of this magazine: are you as healthy, happy and fulfilled as you want to be? If your answer was not an immediate and resounding YES, then read on!

Many of us relocate to Spain believing that we will be able to leave most ─ if not all ─ of our problems in the country we left behind. Some time later, even more of us realise that we didn’t leave them anywhere. The reality is that they took a short vacation, gathered together some friends and moved back in, whether we invited them or not!

Life as an ex-pat in inland Andalucía can be uplifting, exciting, adventurous and fun as we adjust and adapt to our new surroundings and begin our discovery of Spanish culture and life. Alongside these positives are the inevitable challenges that accompany any major change in life. If these challenges become more than we can handle on our own ─ either physically, mentally or emotionally ─ where do we go for help?

Many of us find that we can get by quite comfortably on a day to day basis with the amount of Spanish we speak. However, when we find ourselves in the position of needing to discuss our health in any great depth, we often find that we just don’t have the words to do so.

At the heart of everything I do is my passion to help each one of my clients to lead a happier, more fulfilling life. I have been on a long exploration to find the best way in which to achieve this, and in doing so, have found my own way to live joyfully. Now I can help you to do the same.

You may want to rid yourself of a troublesome problem, a phobia, excess weight, aches and pains or perhaps improve your golf stroke, your relationship or your health. Whatever it is that you want to change about yourself, you can be confident that with the right help and when you are ready, you can.

In my capacity as an advanced hypnotherapist, massage therapist, Reiki master and beautician I have been invited to make a regular contribution to The Andalucían as your ‘Health Guru’. In my former life I enjoyed a long career and gained a wealth of experience in the NHS as a sister in Accident and Emergency, so I hope to provide you with interesting articles covering a wide range of health-related topics.

I am really looking forward to being part of The Andalucían ‘family’ and getting to know you, the readers. I am here to offer confidential, ‘anonymous’ advice on any problems you might have. So don’t be shy – you never know, you might find that you are far from alone!

If you are interested in anything health-related and would like me to write about it, please contact me in confidence by email [email protected] or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ImesonJacksonHyp or http://www.facebook.com/ImesonJackson or on Twitter at http://twitter.com/ImesonJackson

I have lived in the beautiful village of Iznajar for 11 years now, and even after all this time, I find my Spanish language skills regularly let me down ─ especially when expressing emotions. It seems I’m not alone, either, because I now find that the majority of my clients are English-speaking.


Living life to the Max! by Sarah Jackson

Alice’s wonderlAnd

Mijas Costa | Coin | Nerja | Tenerife

T:+34 952 931 781

F:+34 952 933 547

E: [email protected]

www.decottalaw.com

Spanish and English Lawyers

Head Office Spain (Mijas): Centro Comercial Valdepinos 1 y 3ªUrb. Calypso, 29649 Mijas Costa (Málaga)

✓Property Sales & Purchases

✓Planning Issues & Legalisation

✓Claims Against Developers

& Builders

✓Multilingual – English, Español, Deutsch, Nederlands, Dansk, Français & Italiano

Hi it’s Alice again,

This month hasn’t been too interesting. I’ve been busy with exams and working to save up money for my cruise. I’m quite proud of myself considering that in the first term of this year I only got a four in Physics — not my favourite subject as you might have guessed! But this term I got a seven — it felt good to pass! I still have a few exams to take but the ones left are not too difficult.

My Mum’s finally had the ‘all clear’ from the consultant so she hasn’t got to go back for a whole year for another check up, so that’s brilliant news. Just as we thought the year was going to be a good one, my dog Sasha died. She had a gastric torsion (a hole in her stomach). I was very upset, as we all were. And her sister Toffee has got some tumours in her mammary glands (breasts). So far they are small and they can be treated but she’s an old dog so we have to wait and see it the tumours grow fast or not. They are

very common in dogs, but only if they haven’t been neutered.

Valentine’s Day has just gone and I went to a party with my friends. It was good fun! I took lots of pictures, and even one with a female presenter off TV. Next weekend another male presenter from the same programme is coming, so I might get a picture with him too.

There are a lot of parties at the moment. The biggest one is the Carnival. It’s where people dress up and can win prizes for their outfits. I might be dressing up but I’m not sure yet. If I do, then it would be with a couple of my friends, Marina and Nadia.

Well that’s it for this month, speak (well write — why do people put speak?) to you soon! Love Alice x

29www.theandalucian.com

Strange kind

of month by Alice Marriott

Electrician all areas covered. Call Tom for a quote on 606 694 536

Gardening – all aspects undertaken. Free quotes. No job to small. Call 952 737643

General handyman and pool cleaner. Reliable and experienced call 680 323649

We are asking for people out there who took out a mortgage in 2004 with Cajasur in Antequera to get in contact with us. We believe we have a case relating to the amount you could be paying on your mortgage. This may be too much because of a fixed rate policy, meaning that the percentage rate would not go lower than 4.59 per cent. We would be interested in forming a group to consolidate on this issue. Your personal details will be treated as strictly confidential, please email your contact details only to [email protected] we will forward them on to private advertiser who wishes to remain anonymous.

services offered

clAssified Adverts

vehicles for sAle

ProPerty for sAle

LORA DE ESTEPA 4 bed village house, fully reformed, patio, new kitchen/bathroom, new electrics/plumbing. €89,500 reduced from €139,000. Call 699 328359

Small lightweight caravan 2 berth with fridge,toilet and large awning3.500€ Tel. 690183057

events

1 Marvin2 Oxford Street3 Charles M. Schulz4 155 Libra6 William Shakespeare (in 1964)7 Knot8 Signs and symbols9 North Atlantic Treaty Organisation10 Mushroom11 Two of – Mark Labbett, Paul Sinha, Anne Hegerty and Shaun Wallace12 A Year in Provence13 Sir Derek Jacobi (22/10/1938), Ian McKellen (25/5/1939) and Patrick Stewart (13/7/1940 )14 Icelandic Króna15 1216 Venice17 Tibia18 Who Dares Wins19 M9020 People’s car


Local artist Margaret Riordan has two art exhibitions currently running until April at Bar Choto Playa on the N340 at Peñoncillo beach, Torrox Costa, (not Tuesdays) next to Ruta 34 motorcycles shop and in Restaurante Sevillano - El Rincón, Calle Gloria, Nerja for more information email [email protected]

TEBA 3 bed, 2 bath 19th century townhouse. Original features, 360m2. Fantastic pool & terrace. Certified Energy Rating C. PRICE REDUCED €299,950Call 627 683380 for details

Advertise your vehicle - ONLY €5 a month. Call 952 723075 or email a photo and details to [email protected]

Are you struggling to sell or rent your home?

Whatever your property type - advertise it for only €5 a month or €20 for six months (excludes IVA).

Call 952 723075 or email us with a photo and details [email protected]

Fiat Grand Punto 1.3 tdi diesel3 door 2008 in white €3495TEL 638181036

Twenty teasers from page 5

the andalucian - february 2014

Documents

town of loja

father david

excellent tourist office

st james

moorish arch

resident health

health issues

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