The 5 Easy Steps to Createa Relationship Vision

This exercise will help you realizethe potential in your relationship.

Part 1 Towards a Mindful Relationship

Before You Begin

● Make a commitment to work on your relationship - this will help you overcome any potential resistance to change.

● Ask yourself: How important is creating a loving and supportive relationship? Are you willing to walk through the difficult process of self-growth?

● This exercise is designed to educate you and your partner about each other’s needs. Sharing this information does not force you to meet those needs.

● When you share your thoughts and feelings with each other you become emotionally vulnerable. It’s important that you use the information you gain about each other in a loving and helpful manner.

Example Video Available

See Aleks & Tucker do this exercise on video:

http://i.talkezy.com/visionvideo

Step 1

● Find two sheets of paper, one for each of you.

● Working separately - don’t cheat here - write a list of short sentences that describe your personal vision of a deeply gratifying love relationship.

● Include qualities that you already have and want to keep as well as qualities that you wish you had.

● Write each sentence in present tense, as if it’s happening now.

Step 1 continued

● Example: “I like that we have fun together”“We both enjoy hiking and outdoor activities”“We like the same TV shows”“We are healthy and physically active”“We are each other’s best friends” “I love that we have great sex”

● Keeping all statements positive Instead of “I like that we don’t fight”

Say “I like that we are able to resolve disagreements”

Step 2

● Now, share your sentences.

● Note the items that you have in common and underline them. (Doesn’t matter if it’s exact words as long as the idea is there)

● If your partner wrote things that you agree with but don’t have on your list, go ahead and add them.

● For now, ignore items that are not shared.

Step 3

● Now look at your list and rate all of your sentences from 1 to 5 based on the importance to you.

○ 1 being “very important”

○ 5 being “not so important”

● Circle the two items that are most important to you.

● Put a checkmark beside those items that you think would be most difficult for the two of you to achieve.

Step 3 Example

Step 4

● Now work together to design a mutual relationship version. (See example on next slide)

● Start with the items that you both agree are most important - again putting a checkmark beside those items that you both agree would be difficult to achieve. Now, at the bottom of the list, write items that are not as important.

● If you have conflicting items, come up with a compromise statement that satisfies both of you. If not, leave it off your combined list.

Mutual Vision Example

Step 5

● Post this list where you can easily see it - on the refrigerator, framed in the bedroom, etc.

● It’s important to communicate in a relationship. Use this list to remind

yourself that you and your partner have many shared interests, and that each of you have needs that the other can meet.

Resources

● A great deal of our information comes from our therapists, and from: Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. New York: H. Holt And, 2008. Print.

● Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (above is affiliate link to Amazon, thank you for supporting us)

● You can find more resources on our website:www.talkezy.com