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The 4 Project Conversations

©2016 Skip Weisman & Weisman Success Resources, Inc.

P.O. Box 5094, Poughkeepsie, NY 12602 phone:845-463-3838 [email protected]

PMI Northern Utah 2016 PDD Event

April 22, 2016







What types of conversations do you have when running your projects that frustrate you the most and whom are they with?

Conversation #1: Person/People Involved:



PERSON Wrong Right

Right Wrong

C O N V E R S A T I O N





Lower Left: Wrong Conversation with the Wrong Person: These are: B M W Conversations!

E C C O Technique: E = Empathize “I can see you’re really __________ about _____________. Can I ask you a question?

C = Confirm Are you telling me this because you are just venting, or because you’d like my help/advice in resolving the issue.

C = Confront The reason I’m asking is if you want my help I’m happy to find a good time where we can discuss ways I can help, and right now I’ve got to _____________ so I really only have ________ minutes to talk about it.

O = Offer

Empathy Exercise Empathy Defined:

What it IS: Communicating in a way that demonstrates you understand how the person is feeling and the reason why they are feeling that way. You do this by reflecting back the emotion you are noticing they are communicating with their words, tone and body language. Asking for more information about the situation, such as, “I can tell you are very upset about this, what happened?” or, “I can see you are frustrated with how Bob treated you in the meeting, can you tell me more about what he said?”

What it is NOT: Saying, “I understand how you feel.” Sharing your similar experience. Or, trying to offer solutions.

Groups of 3: Find two partners. Identify partners as Partner A, Partner B and Partner C.

• Partner A = The empathy needer. This person identifies a project situation they are having trouble with, are frustrated/angry/confused about, etc. Describe the situation, what’s specifically happening, and how they feel about. This be no more than 2-minutes. When you feel heard and supported and ready to move on from the conversation simply say, “Thank You” to the empathy provider.

• Partner B = The empathy provider. This person will listen, seeking to understand, judgment free, and display through their verbal response and body language that they understand both what emotion the individual is feeling and the reason why they are feeling that way. This follow up empathy exchange part of the conversation should be 2-minutes.

• Partner C = Observer. This person will observe the interaction and when its complate will give feedback as to what they observed and how the empathy provider was able to project empathy and engage both in a conversation about the experience of needing, receiving and delivering empathy. This segment should be another 2-minutes.

• After the first round rotate roles and repeat. Entire rotation should take a total of 20-minutes.

What did you learn from the empathy exercise experience:





Upper Left: Right Conversation with the Wrong Person It’s either a path (to the right person) or procrastination, and it’s your choice!

S Specificity (so you and the “wrong person” are clear on what you are looking for or need.)

A Assertive (to ensure your initiative moves toward identifying and getting to the right person.)

C Committed (to identifying and getting to the right person)

Lower Right: Wrong Conversation with the Right Person Missed Opportunities Credibility & Confidence Killing Conversation!

Upper Right: Right Conversation with the Right Person Path of Possibilities, Solutions & Results .

3 Biggest challenges in this quadrant?

• Getting in front of Right Person.

• Determining the Right Conversation.

• Keeping the conversation from being hijacked.





Applying the 3 D’s to get the “right conversation with the right person:”

D1: Determine (if they are “the Right Person”) Do they have the…:

• Authority

• Standing & Credibility

• Relationships

D2: Decide (which of the 4 possible conversation topics?) Is it:

• About the Relationship?

• About an Issue ?

• About performance (your’s, their’s, the project’s)?

• About the future (your’s, their’s, the project’s)?

D3: Deliver (applying the 3 P’s):

• Prepare

• Practice

• Present





Keys to Having More of The Right Conversations With the Right Person:

#1 most important component to have more of “The Right Conversations:”

Trust

Trust is defined as:

The absolute belief that you have (my/org/team/project)’s best interest in my and that you can and will do what you say you are going to do.

5 Factors in a high-trust relationship: Each person believes that the other

• Has the other person’s best interests in mind when communicating and acting.

• Always acts with the best of intentions.

• Can do what they say they are going to do.

• Will do what they say they are going to do.

• Is comfortable going to them to ask for advice and help and be vulnerable in their presence and vice-versa.

Based on the criteria above identify some specific behaviors can you apply to build trust and lists them in the box below. Get in groups of 4-5 and decide on your top 5 specific behaviors you can use:





Keys to Having More of The Right Conversations With the Right Person:

1) Seek first to understand with WII-FM!

a. What’s In It For Me

b. 2 WII-FM Questions:

i. What’s most important for you regarding this project?

• Ask that question 3 times (prefacing with, “What else is…)

ii. What is your Max/Min?

c. Listen with an E.D.G.E.:

i. E: Esteem More

ii. D: Do More

iii. G: Gain More

iv. E: Enjoy More

d. 3 Other communication techniques:

i. Speak in 3 - bullet point sound bites

ii. Use the SBAR or 4R Models:

1. SBAR = Situation – Background – Assessment – Recommendation

2. 4R = Request – Reasons – Recommendation – Results





Grade your level of ability to influence and impact stakeholders at each of these three levels:

• Level 1: The Foundation = Self - Communication: 1 – 2 - 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 o Emotional Mastery & Emotional Mastery Triad o Primary FOCUS Question o Active Affirmations o The 7 Critical Communication Skills

• Level 2: The Trust Builder = 1:1 - Communication: 1 – 2 - 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 o Mastering Prompt, Direct & Respectful communication individually, 1:1 o Ability to master The 4 Conversations and able always have “the right conversations with the right people.” o Ability to build trust, respect, and credibility with others rapidly and consistently

• Level 3: The Impression Maker = Public – Communication: 1 – 2 - 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 o Presenting and influencing from in front of the room, building buy-in, commitment and accountability from the audience o Facilitating and leading conversations as a meeting leader, building consensus, redirecting contributions that are off-topic, etc. o Having your voice/ideas heard and being able to influence as a meeting participant from around the conference room table.

Based on what you learned today what will you start doing, stop doing, keep doing?

• Start Doing:

• Stop Doing:

• Keep Doing:

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