TEAM COMMUNICATION

DISCUSSIONS

4 LAYERS OF COMMUNICATION

▸ Factual layer (Sachebene)▸ Self-revelation layer (Selbstoffenbarung)▸ Relationship layer (Beziehung)▸ Appeal layer (Appell)

F. Schulz von Thun

A CONVERSATION

A: Hey, I found a small typo in the price quote you sent to our customer.

B: Why don't you care about your own emails more. Your grammar is so bad, that I feel sorry for the people you write.

A: WTF? We could have lost the customer or he could have twittered about our outrages prices. This could've really blown up in our faces!

B: F*ck y**!

LAYERS

What is the content of what A says?

What does A reveal about himself/his feelings?

What is revealed about A's relationship to B?

What does A want from B?

THE SUBTEXTA tells B, that B made a mistake.A is happy that he caught it and found it before it could cause anything bad.

B sees A's statement as a criticism on the quality on his work.B is a perfectionist and hates making mistakesB feels attacked.B snaps at A for the hundreds of mistakes B found in A's work in the past.

A expected positive feedback on his good work - catching the mistake and preventing bad.A is shocked by the actual kind of reaction.A reacts to the aggressive tonality of B and snaps at B by exaggerating the mistake's potential impact.

...

WHY?

EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGYWe think slow:

▸ Cerebral cortex: Analytical thinking, Reflection

We think fast:▸ Crocodile-Brain: Emotional reaction, Fight- and Flight-mode

Robin Dunbar, Daniel Kahnemann

HOW TO USE THIS▸ Slow down. Help your brain catch-up.

▸ Let people finish.▸ Ask questions to understand other person's view.▸ Think about it before your answer. (Take a breath)

▸ Acknowledge opinion and facts even if you argue against them.▸ Be open instead of judgemental.

ESCALATION: DON'T, HEAD FOR THE EXIT▸ If you notice someone becomes angry: Become softer.▸ Try to put yourself in position of other person.

▸ Feel your crocodile-brain. Feel layers of communication.▸ Post pone. Time to breath.

WHY EVEN DISCUSS THINGS?▸ You do not need to convince each other.

▸ Make sure you get, understand and appreciate other people's opinion.

▸ Discussion is about getting most diverse views.▸ Open up to ideas on problem to be able to solve something best.

YOU CANNOT CONVINCE SOMEBODY ELSE.

SOMEBODY ELSE CAN ONLY REACH YOUR POINT-OF-VIEW

THEMSELVES.

BEING RIGHT.▸ You already know how you think about something and why▸ What you can learn is why somebody else thinks differently▸ [Men try to impose there opinion - every (woman) knows]

Ever got into a fight with somebody and a week (or hour) later you will get the feeling that she adapted to your opinion and acts like you suggested, even if she opposed this harshly during the fight.

FEEDBACK

RULES OF THUMB▸ Only give positive feedback▸ Try to not criticize

▸ Be concrete and specific▸ Focus on solution/future▸ Allow each other to save face▸ Body language matters

WHAT IS THE WORD PEOPLE LIKE THE MOST TO HEAR?

You

CHARISMAPeople like others who▸ listen to them

▸ find them genuinely interesting▸ have similar interests

▸ do not always talk about themselves

CHARISMA IIPeople like others who▸ are not negative

▸ make themselves feel important▸ smile

BEST PRACTICES▸ Speaking is better than writing, Video > Audio

▸ Be even softer in written communication than in spoken▸ Err on over-communication

▸ Answer every email, even if it's just "OK / Thanks"▸ Err on positivity of communication, everybody likes friendly

messages and everybody hates unfriendly emails

REFLECTIONAfter conflict or interaction: Bird's eye view.▸ What went well? What went awful?

▸ What was my impression on the interaction?▸ Did I get the result I wanted? If not, why?

▸ Did I consider and understand the other person's view?