startaker: under the shadow of thy wings

8/13/2019 Startaker: Under the Shadow of Thy Wings

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STAR TAKER: UNDER THE SHADOW OF THY WINGS

Marian Goddard

Copyright 2013 by Marian Goddard All rights reserved


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Contents

Book OneBook Two

Book Three


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BOOK ONE

And in the shi!ting o! the winds and in the "lo#ds that are pressed into servi"e betwi$t

heaven and earth% are signs !or people who "an #nderstand&'

(#r'an&


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Grand.a.a didn't like hi. !inding wonders o! nat#re& *t #pset her day% she said&,ittle boys sho#ld learn their .anners and their d#ties and not "on"ern the.selves with!ilthy ver.in and even !ilthier peasants& B#t he'd lie awake in his s.all bed by the!ireside and try to re.e.ber the !eel o! the velvety green "aterpillar he'd !o#nd in hisshoe that .orning% it's tiny bla"k eyes shining like 4ewels% or the village "hildren sti"k

thin and starveling% their #pt#rned !a"es gri.ed with dirt% #naware o! their .atted hairand bare !lattened !eet&/ow he wo#ld have loved to play with those "hildren% listen to their strange

thi"kened voi"es% 4oin in their ga.es& They'd stared at hi. open .o#thed as i! he were a bea#ti!#l bird es"aped !ro. its "age or a painted p#ppet at the .arket !air&

/e heard hi.sel! "rying !or his .other% b#t his sobs were lost in the rattling o!harness and the beating o! hooves&

/eaven was a long way !ro. Ger.any6 his !ather had told hi. gravely when he'dasked when she was "o.ing ho.e& *t .ight take a whole li!eti.e be!ore he saw heragain&

A tear slid down the boy's "heek& /is .other was a distant heavenly presen"e% like

the bea#ti!#l angel stat#es he'd seen in "hapel% b#t he "o#ld still !eel !ather's ro#ghwhiskers on his !a"e% still s.ell his war. !ather s.ell&/e wiped the tear and the .e.ory away with a shaking hand& /e was so "old and

h#ngry and his need so #rgent that he !o#nd his voi"e at last% thin and reedy over the rattleand b#.p o! the wagon 7

/e'd slept restlessly% h#nger pangs twisting his insides and t#rning !it!#l drea.s intosnat"hes o! night.are6 wol! "#bs' t#.bling and growling% !#r so!t and war.% their p#ppys.ell 4oyo#s in his nostrils% oversi?e paws batting play!#lly% #ntil their tiny sharp teeth

began to gnaw at his !lesh& Then the howling wolves .erged with Gran.a.a'sad.onitions and he t#rned into .eat !or another's "hildren&

A watery light seeped in thro#gh the basketweave over his head% "asting gloo.yshadows in the s.all spa"e& /e !elt "hilled and sore !ro. the 4o#rney and his head wash#rting% b#t he realised then there was no rattling and b#.ping% no lightning "ra"k o! awhip to .ake hi. 4#.p&

/e pressed his !a"e to the split in the ti.ber b#t "o#ldn't see the driver% "o#ldn't hear the whinny o! the horses& /e p#shed away the threadbare blanket "overing his sho#lders


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and "li.bed down on to the !ro?en gro#nd& /is !eet were bare and i"y pain "rept #p hislegs% .aking his knees kno"k together&

The !irst thing he saw was an abbey loo.ing #p o#t o! the .ist& /e knew it was anabbey6 his !ather had on"e taken hi. to wat"h a pageant o#tside the walls o! a pla"e 4#stlike this% as a spe"ial +#letide treat&

/e'd sat on a high wooden ben"h eating hot roasted "hestn#ts% wrapped in asheepswool to keep o#t the "old& And then the play started and baby @es#s lay in his strawin the .anger% with the wise .en in their 4ewelled robes nearby% and !ather la#ghingwhen he'd begged to take his lovely blanket to give to the /oly Child% be"a#se the snowhad started to !all and he was all #n"overed&

/e "o#ld hear gentle voi"es singing% separate and yet blending together% a so!t"o.!orting song& *t was what the .onks did to "all to God% !ather said& /e hoped that i!the .onks were s#""ess!#l then God wo#ld see hi. too and give hi. so.ething to eat&


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blood to "o#rse down his ne"k and onto his dirty grey 4erkin& /e howled in pain andreeled away&

The boy wat"hed as the .onk t#rned slowly toward hi.% still holding the handle o!the whip% the lashes trailing li.ply on the gro#nd&

/is par"hed lips "ra"ked into a s.ile% the !irst !or .any .onths& This .an re.inded

hi. o! his !ather& The strong% deep voi"e% the s#re!ooted way he walked and the strengthin a body that "o#ld not be hidden behind a tattered robe& And white% even teeth% s.ilingo#t o! a s#n b#rned !a"e&

verything abo#t hi. see.ed big& /e "o#ld see large% !lat !eet en"ased in ro#gh hidesandals% a thi"k ne"k and startlingly !air hair ringed aro#nd a !reshly shaven tons#re& Andso.ething abo#t his .other too% an #nearthly gra"e he was too yo#ng to arti"#late& /e"o#ld hear the driver "#rsing% b#t the so#nd was .#!!led and a long way o!!&

;iping the snot !ro. his nose and the tears !ro. his swollen eyes with the edge o!the dirty blanket% he "l#t"hed his s.all leather sat"hel and waited&

There were no wolves here&

>a#l Andre de' ,ang#e !elt a s#rge o! .orti!i"ation at what he'd done to the wagon

driver& The o#trage he !elt at the vi"io#s words b#rned like a brand in his g#ts% b#t his9#i"k and #nr#ly rea"tion had been #n!orgivable and against the r#les o! this Order& /e"o#ld still !eel the hot blood o! anger "o#rsing thro#gh his veins6 still !eel the sweatstanding on a head he prided on keeping "ool&

/e had be"o.e #n#sed to s#"h violen"e% being "loistered these .any years% b#t hehad been no stranger to it on"e& /e "losed his eyes and asked !orgiveness !or his a"tions&)or the sin o! pride he wo#ld answer to the Al.ighty& The abbot's anger he wo#ld dealwith later&

The .orning was "old and the gro#nd "risp with i"e as he'd "rossed the path to theherbari#. and that's when he'd seen the driver strike o#t with his whip at a ragged

b#ndle& *t was only as he .oved "loser to the weather5beaten wagon that he saw it was a"hild& /e tho#ght perhaps it was the .an's own and walked over to reb#ke hi. !or his

br#tality% #ntil he'd t#rned to hi. a pair o! "lo#dy% slitted eyes% the al.ost bla"k p#pilsstaring .alevolently o#t o! lids "r#sted with sores% and said he'd been told the abbotwo#ld pay hi. well to deliver the boy% as his !a.ily was o! the nobility&

*t was then that he'd seen two tear !illed bl#e eyes peeping thro#gh a gap in thewood&

/e walked slowly toward the ba"k o! the "art .aking an e!!ort to s.ile& /e p#lledaside the hide "overing and there% swathed in !ilthy rags and tre.bling in the !rosty air%was a s.all% e$9#isitely bea#ti!#l boy&

A that"h o! badly "#t blonde hair% loose !itting ragged "lothes and s.all shoeless !eet bl#e with "old did not go with the well5!or.ed !a"e% the intelligen"e evident in the so!t bl#e eyes and the .annerly bearing& This was not a "ringing peasant "hild&

/e held o#t his hand and the boy rea"hed to to#"h his% the skin "la..y% the tiny!ingernails edged with gri.e& A spot o! !la.ing red stood o#t on ea"h "heek% !everishnessevident as Andre held his s.all hand% s.iling en"o#rage.ent&


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The whip had been "r#el& A gash ran !ro. the top o! his "heek to the botto. o! his"hin% blood oo?ing slowly !ro. the wo#nd& B#t it wo#ld .end& *! .ias.as and !etid airdidn't penetrate the wo#nd&

Andre sh#ddered to think what else had !elt the bite o! that pitiless lash& The horsesstood beaten and "owed% their sweat "overed hides a .esh o! s"ars% so.e weeping with

p#s% eyes d#ll% breathing hard and shivering with "old& /e knew diseased ani.als like heknew diseased people& /e'd spent .any years .inistering to the si"k& These horses had been ridden al.ost to their death&

/e shook his head in disbelie!& ;hat wo#ld possess a .an to treat inno"ent "reat#resso /e looked aro#nd the di. interior& There see.ed to be no !ood or water set !or the"hild% no war.th !or the i"y winter& +et the .an said he'd driven two days and nightswitho#t stopping !or rest&

ot thinking to look !or telltale swellings or dis"olo#red !lesh% he gathered the s.all b#ndle in his ar.s and "arried hi. !ro. the wagon& /e .o#nted the steps to thein!ir.ary% wrapping the boy as best his "o#ld against the .orning "hill and nodded toGaspard% the apothe"ary% as their eyes .et with the #nderstanding o! long !riendship&

7Get so.ething war. brother% this "hild is near !ro?en to death&8/e h#rried away to the kit"hen !or broth as Andre laid the boy on the nearest palletand "overed hi. with a "oarse woven blanket&

/e looked down into the little !a"e and the bright eyes regarded hi. steadily& 7;hatis yo#r na.e% "hild 8 The reedy% lisping voi"e was #nwavering% the answer swi!tly given%even as his lids !l#ttered "losed with e$ha#stion&

7Christian sir% .y !ather "alled .e Christian&8The .onk la#ghed& 7;ell% .any o! #s are Christian% yo#ng !ellow& id yo#r !ather

not give yo# another also% like #pert% or /er.ann% or Man!red 87


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strength !ro. her li.bs& /er last son had been lost to the po$ at the last 9#arter .oon andsin"e then she'd ha#nted the halls like a wraith% weeping and sighing&


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Mediterranean6 see Tripoli nestled at its edges and @er#sale. shining like a sy.bol o! alltheir hopes in the "entre&

/e knew these lands% had !o#ght in the deserts and de!ended the pilgri.s& The noiseand b#stle o! the .onastery !aded as he re.e.bered the "ri.son "opper s.ell o! blood%!eeling its war. rep#lsive spray on his !a"e% !eeling the tightness o! battle !ear in his

"hest&/ow "o#ld this be /e did not believe in bewit"h.ent and .agi"% however .#"h hisOrder wanted it to be so& *t was 4#st a worn travelling bag and the light was playingtri"ks& /e opened the sat"hel and laid o#t the "ontents% a bla"k velvet po#"h as travelstained as the bag and a par"el wrapped in !aded green silk% its weight heavy in his hand&

Andre had e$pe"ted to !ind the things o! a s.all boy's "hildhood% pretty stones orinse"ts% a slingshot or a pre"io#s kni!e& These were not the treas#res o! yo#th& /e !elt thestirrings o! the hair at the nape o! his ne"k as he glan"ed over at the sleeping !or. in the

bed% b#ndled in blankets6 his bandaged !a"e s"r#bbed pink&;hat .anner o! "hild is this/e took #p the po#"h and tipped it onto the table& *t was not "heery "linking "oins

that !ell o#t% b#t a 4ewelled "ross% intri"ately worked in gold and set with a wine red r#by&This last lay in the "entre o! an open% .any petalled rose& /e i.agined it was so.ething awealthy h#sband wo#ld give to a beloved wi!e% or doting !ather to a spoilt da#ghter& *twas a bea#ti!#l thing% b#t not so.ething o! parti"#lar interest& /e repla"ed the "ross inthe po#"h and took #p the par"el&

Already% he'd ded#"ed that the "hild had not been born to poverty% "on"#rring withhis own 4#dge.ent on .eeting hi.% despite his o#tward appearan"e and the s"antyin!or.ation provided by the wagon driver% i! it was to be believed& *! the silk wrapped

par"el was to be a book% this wo#ld add to his "on"l#sion& Books were not available to the.a4ority o! the people& /e started by e$a.ining the wrappings&

The thin transl#"ent .aterial was pale greenish and very old% e.broidered dragons"hasing their tails% !inely stit"hed in gold thread& *n .any pla"es it was only this that keptthe !abri" together& The "olo#r re.inded Andre o! a .eadow pond in spring% shot thro#ghwith s#nlight&

;ho obtains ri"hes s#"h as these in the heart o! a downtrodden Ger.any/e #n!olded the !ragile "overing with the "are o! a do"tor e$a.ining a wo#nd& As it

!ell away in his hands% he "o#ld see .ore leather% d#ll brown and "ra"ked with age%yellowed leaves and a sti!!ened spine& /e opened it gingerly& *t s.elled o! the wrappingso! .#..ies% the .#sty sweetness o! to.bs&

/e'd never lost his reveren"e !or books& As a soldier he'd "arried a s.all "opy o! the#baiyat and g#arded it with his li!e thro#gh all the hardships o! his !ighting years%

keeping it "lose to his "hest even in battle& *t was hidden #nder the ro#gh boards in his"ell&

The others wo#ld not #nderstand the bea#ty o! the ersian astrono.er's words& Tothe. all were evil


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The yellowed vell#. pages were not st#"k together as he had e$pe"ted% b#tseparated easily% the binding loosening in pla"es as i! it had been "onstantly opened andread& There was no ill#.ination% no ins"ription6 ea"h page was !illed with "losely setn#.bers and letters% the ink !aded with age% or strange painted pi"t#res o! !lowers and"avorting .aidens& ;hat !ew words Andre "o#ld .ake o#t were in ,atin or Greek%

.aking no sense to hi.& /e t#rned it sideways% #pside down% tried reading !ro. le!t toright% ba"k to !ront& *t was as i! the whole book was written in "ode& /e gave #p& Theabbot wo#ld perhaps #nderstand better& /e was a .an o! s"holarship&

And then a !olded par"h.ent !ell !ro. between the pages&/e pi"ked it #p and t#rned it over& A red seal stood o#t brightly on the d#n "olo#red

page% a triangle with a loop on one side& *n the "entre o! this triangle sat the sa.e "rossand rose as the 4ewel in the po#"h&

There was writing on the !ront6 the hand deter.ined% the lettering s"rawled and!l#ent&For the Abbot

/e s.iled&


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13 th October In the year of Our Lord 1382

e!o"ed Abbot, I entrust unto you, the care of my on!y son #hristian$ y the time this !etter obtains

to your notice, I, his father, sha!! be nought but ashes$ %is is the fami!y &erme!shausenand our home is near %esse, on the border$ ut this ha"en has !ong been c!osed to us and we ha"e been hounded !i'e dogs from our own !ands$ For this reason, I regret, I cannotoffer (ayment for his 'ee($ %is !ineage is nob!e but one that has been tainted byaccusations of heresy$ And the (ower of %o!y )other #hurch is such that those ho!dingdoctrines other than hers cannot sur"i"e$ %e is *uic' of mind and gent!e of character,e"en the anima!s 'now his heart$ +et he has s(irit and wi!fu!ness, traits which I ha"eencouraged, for his tria!s wi!! be many and his !ife beset by sorrow$ )ay he be instructedin medicine, for this is where the !ight of reason wi!! burn most bright!y and of a!! thearts, one that is most in need of faith$ As was foreto!d by the astro!ogers on the day of hisnati"ity, this is where his ca!!ing !ies$ hi!e yet in his growing years, he wi!! wish further

instruction from those who (ossess greater !earning$ I beg you- do not hinder thisendea"our$ .he wor!d has much to offer him$ )y heart c!ea"es in two to thin' I wi!! not see him grow to be a man$ I ta'e comfort in 'nowing that he wi!! be safe among thosewho understand$ /ray forgi"e the indu!gence of a !o"ing father but he is (rone to nightterrors$ It has been so since his mother was consigned to the f!ames$ 0ow there are nomore hiding (!aces so I ma'e my stand and commend my ou! to &od$ I go to be with my

e!o"ed in (aradise and !ea"e to you, in humb!e gratitude, a shining !ight in thisunfathomab!e dar'ness$

In the eterna! ho(e of /eace /rofound,Otto "on &erme!shausen$ Andre% trans!i$ed% held the letter #n!olded in his hand&The dateD O"tober& They were now deep in a )ebr#ary winter& /ow has the poor "hild

lived these last .onths /e !elt his heart "onstri"ting in pity&

>

The abbot stood% his stat#re rigid% his steady grey eyes regarding the yo#nger .onk's bl#e with interest& /is voi"e was deep and h#sky% belying the sparseness o! his tall !ra.e&7


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was beloved and tr#sted by brothers and towns!olk alike% a rarity a.ong the noble headso! .onasteries&

Andre looked down at the .an's broad !eet% en"ased in the sa.e ro#gh shod sandalsas his own& ot !or hi. were so!t .eats and !eather beds&

B#t he had one l#$#ry&

The roo. was lined% !ro. the high do.ed "eiling to the worn wooden boards withst#rdy shelves !illed with books% spilling on to the !loor% piled #p beside his batteredtable% resting pre"ario#sly on the only other "hair in the roo.& 7


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7+es& And it's so o!ten that when we allow o#r .ind to e.pty it's the bad .e.oriesthat !ill it !irst&8

The yo#nger .onk nodded in assent and the abbot% his white robe hanging in !oldson his thin !ra.e% settled hi.sel! .ore "o.!ortably in the "hair& 7B#t we are .en o!reason% as well as .en o! God& *t is 4#st an old travelling bag& And what o! the other

ite.s 8Andre !ingered the "ross on the desk& 7A pio#s wo.an's tri!le 8The abbot see.ed !#ll o! enig.ati" s.iles& 7 o% it has .eaning& * have seen one

be!ore on .y travels&8 /e br#shed his gnarled !inger over the !inely worked rose&8


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This book .ay be no di!!erent&8 /e opened the book to a yellowed page& Bea#ti!#llywro#ght lettering s#rro#nded strange drawings o! naked wo.en sitting in ponds orentwined in the roots o! trees& Another page was !illed with !inely drawn ill#strations o!#n!a.iliar plants and another% bi?arre "onstellations and stellar .aps% detailed and#nknown& *t gave Andre a sinking !eeling in the pit o! his sto.a"h& ,ike the boy's sat"hel%

it had an other5 worldliness that !elt o!! kilter& ,ike a !lat note played on a bea#ti!#l harp&The abbot s#ddenly stood and walked to the shelves !#rthest !ro. the door& /erea"hed to take down a !aded red book6 its binding "ra"ked with age& /is !a"e was serio#snow 7My #n"le took .e to @er#sale. in .y !o#rteenth year% the year .y .other and!ather died o! the plag#e& /e tho#ght * sho#ld know the world !or what it was&

;e travelled with pilgri.s hoping to wash their g#ilt "lean at the /oly


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They let .e go when they rea"hed the "ity gates&8 /e looked at Andre keenly% thesteady eyes seeing .ore than he .ight have wished& /e held o#t the book and Andre took it gently !ro. the old .an's hands& 7Take it now .y son6 keep it sa!e with the other% !or itis still #nwel"o.e in this pla"e& ,ook #pon it when yo# have need% !or it is !#ll o!knowledge s#"h as we in o#r "alling% do not as yet possess& Think #pon the things * have

said% !or i! the boy lives% you are to be the one who sets hi. #pon the path o! ,ight&8Andre ga?ed at the abbot in wonder& /ow did he know what he had hidden #nder the boards to read in the dark

/ow did he know what he had hidden in his heart/e looked down at the s.all vol#.e and opened it to the !irst% "r#.bling page% at

words written in !aded inkDAla5al5din ab# Al5/assan Ali ibn Abi5/a?. al5(arshi al5 i.ash9i *bn al5 a!is

#ommentary on the Anatomy of #anon of A"icenna /e t#rned to another page and readD74the b!ood from the right chamber of the heart must arri"e at the !eft chamber but

there is no direct (athway between them$ .he thic' se(tum of the heart is not (erforated

and does not ha"e in"isib!e (ores4Andre re.e.bered the pri?ed "opy o! Galen in the library and its treatise on theheartD

!ood, reaching the right side of the heart, oo5es through in"isib!e (ores in thecardiac se(tum, thereby reaches the !eft side4

Many ti.es d#ring his travels in the ast he'd heard the na.e *bn


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prayed then% i.ploring on bended knee to the Al.ighty to intervene 4#st this on"e and letthe boy live% hearing his whispered words&8 * a. here to take #p the light&8

And he knew% as s#rely as he knew the s#n wo#ld rise in all its glory in the .orningthat this was where his !#t#re lay& /e was thirty one years old and had travelled over hal!the world% b#t now he knew that it was not in the /oly ,and sla#ghtering

Christian str#ggled to open his eyes& /is ar.s and legs !elt n#.b& /e "o#ld hear atinkling .#si"al so#nd% distant and "o.!orting& /e tho#ght o! his .other when she "a.eto kiss hi. goodnight% singing to hi. in her high lilting voi"e& erhaps it was .other"o.e to take hi. to heaven /e strained his ears to listen !or her so!t voi"e% the swish o!her skirts against the bed% !eel the war.th o! her hand on his !a"e& These were the things

he re.e.bered% be!ore she was gone so s#ddenly !ro. his li!e&B#t the .e.ory o! his !ather was still strong& /e "o#ld hear his deep voi"e andthroaty la#gh% re.e.ber how he s.elled% dark .#sky and "lean& ot like the peasantswho tended the gardens and s.elled like the pigs he'd seen going to .arket in openri"kety "rates&

/e re.e.bered the ga.es they played on "old winter evenings and !ather's gentlevoi"e telling hi. that it was i.portant to live his li!e well% so .other wo#ld be pro#dwhen she "a.e to take hi. to heaven&

/e wo#ld "o.e to his bed a!ter s#pper and talk to hi. o! the day& ;hat had helearned /ad he said his prayers /ad he !o#nd any magnificent wonders of nature6 AndChristian wo#ld tell hi. o! the big hairy% "reeping spiders down by the well% their websstr#ng bravely between the trees% and a!ter the wo.en wo#ld br#sh the. away "l#"king%their .o#ths t#rned down in disg#st% the spiders wo#ld start all over again% spinning andweaving intri"ate patterns o! sparkling gossa.er threads&

)ather told hi. that it was a good lesson in li!e% to keep spinning yo#r web no .atter how .any ti.es it was kno"ked down& To try harder to .ake it .ore bea#ti!#l than thelast so that one day people wo#ld see it !or what it was% a magnificent wonder of nature$

Then one "old% wet day% when the last o! the tinder had been #sed to light a sp#ttering!ire and they'd h#ddled as "lose as was sa!e to the !eeble !la.e% his !ather was taken toheaven too&

The bea#ti!#l angel voi"es were !ading now b#t he "o#ld still hear !ather% strong andinsistent& 7 ot yet% .y boy% not yet& Be brave and live well:and we will be waiting !oryo# in heaven&8

/e "o#ld not go with his .other& /e had done nothing to .ake her pro#d& /e .#ststay& /e str#ggled #pward thro#gh a grey !og and opened his eyes&

/e was in a long roo.% with .any beds&


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B#t the only thing he wanted in all this pain!#l world was the strong ar.s o! his!ather&

/e !elt the war. tears that had been sitting in his eyes slide down onto his "heeks&

>

A#g#st*n the year o! o#r ,ord 13E3Bebenha#sen 7Christian% "o.e down !ro. there= The ,ord will not give yo# wings to !ly i! yo#

!all% yo# !oolish boy=8 /e'd "li.bed on to the parapet and was sitting like a roosting henon a nest&

Berthilda stret"hed o#t her ar.s as i! to "at"h hi. i! he lost his !ooting% an$iety "learin her wrinkled !a"e% and #sing the age old threat o! .others everywhere 7Co.e down orthere will be no s#pper !or yo# tonight=8

A distant boyish voi"e "alled ba"k 7/ave no !ear !or .e Mistress Berta& * a. waiting!or the stor.&8


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The boy had seen .#"h death in his ten years at the abbeyD a litter o! pigs born inwinter and !ro?en in the night% a tangle o! abandoned kittens% no .other's .ilk to !eedthe.% dying one by one in his hands and then as he grew older% those in the in!ir.arye$piring o! disease and hopelessness& /e was well a"9#ainted with the vagaries o! nat#re&,i!e was hard and Christian knew it .ore than .ost&

Andre had not spoken o! his !a.ily's !ate% b#t he knew that soon the ti.e wo#ld"o.e !or hi. to be told& /e was already long past the age o! "hildhood and a noble.an's birth de.anded a debt o! responsibility& /ad his .other and !ather not in"#rred the wratho! the "h#r"h and paid with their lives% even at hal! the age he was now% Christian wo#ld

be a lord in his own right and r#ling his own lands and ser!s&Andre knew he had kept hi. sheltered !or too long&B#t the na.e Ger.elsha#sen wo#ld be !orever tainted with the "#rse o! heresy and

anony.ity had been the only thing keeping hi. sa!e&Christian s"ra.bled down !ro. the high battle.ent% #sing his !ingers and toes to

grip the "r#.bling stonework% eli"iting a gasp o! !ear !ro. Berthilda and a stab o! pain inAndre's "hest& /e .oved to sit in the shade o! the gnarled ash that the .onks had planted

when the .onastery was b#ilt and waited& There was so.ething he wanted to give the boy&/e sat 9#ietly% wat"hing the dapple and play o! the leaves in the gently swaying tree%

the r#.ble o! the wagons "arting wine to the "ellars% the "all o! the plo#gh.en in the!ields% the "lattering o! pots in the kit"hens& The b#sy% workaday voi"es o! the people heloved&

This was the "losest thing to ho.e he'd known !or a long ti.e& /e was !ort#nate tohave been a""epted here& The brothers were tolerant and o! a stable disposition& /is taskswere not onero#s and the !ood plenti!#l& ;hy then had the #rge to leave these pea"e!#ls#rro#ndings be"o.e so strong

owhere now in his drea.s and .editations "o#ld he see his !#t#re welded toChristian's& erhaps all the boy had really needed !ro. hi. was the "han"e to grow #p insa!ety&

/e looked #p !ro. his .#sings& The lad stood be!ore hi.% tall !or his age% li.bs longand slender like a newly born !oal6 blond hair standing o#t at all angles% blown adri!t bythe wind& *t was i.possible to be angry with hi.& /e had won all hearts at the .onastery%Andre's .ost o! all& /e was a gi!t !ro. God&

Christian !lopped down on the grass at his !eet and looked #p into his s.iling !a"e&Andre took two apples !ro. his po"ket and gave one to the boy&

7*'. sorry to have !rightened Mistress Berta: b#t Brother Alberto in thes"riptori#. told .e the lo"#sts wo#ld "o.e and * had to see !or .ysel!&8

/e ga?ed at the earnest yo#ng !a"e 7+es Christian% yo# .#st always see !or yo#rsel!&/ave * not always told yo# that yo# .#st not a""ept anything #ntil yo# are s#re o! it inyo#r heart And what did yo# learn !ro. yo#r per"h in the sky 8

Christian wrapped his thin ar.s aro#nd hi.sel!& 7*t's very "old #p there& And thewind al.ost blew .e o!! the ledge&8 A !rown o! worry "rossed Andre's !a"e& 7And thereis bird d#ng on the stonework% .any di!!erent "olo#rs& The robin's is watery and tastes o!apples !ro. the or"hard6 the raven's dark like pit"h and tastes o! berries&


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The .onk tried not to la#gh o#t lo#d% Christian's e$pression always one o! serio#stho#ght& *t s#rprised hi. not a bit that he wo#ld taste the bird droppings to analyse the"ontents& 7And what o! the "o.ing stor. 8

Christian looked tho#ght!#l8 The sky is "lear% * "an hear the bell ringing in the "hapelin the town% people working and singing:8

7And the lo"#sts 87* "an see no sign& erhaps Brother Alberto .ade an error in his "al"#lations 8Andre nodded 7Are yo# glad that the lo"#sts didn't "o.e 8Christian's !a"e brightened as he bit into the apple with his strong white teeth& 7+es&

Mistress Berta is .aking .e d#.plings !or s#pper& They are .y !avo#rite and BrotherAlberto has told .e that !ood "annot be hidden !ro. God's lo"#sts&8

Andre .ade a .ental note to speak to the others abo#t !rightening the lad with taleso! end o! days& *t had be"o.e the all too !a.iliar la.ent o! .any o! the brethren in thesedark ti.es& 7And the end o! the world 8

7Brother A.es and Brother eter say there is too .#"h wi"kedness in the world !orthe world to bear% that God shall give #p and start anew% like a!ter the !lood&8

/e deter.ined not to le"t#re the boy% b#t !elt that here was too p#re a spirit to beda.ped down by doo.sday !ables& 7;e are .en o! reason% are we not 8 the boy nodded&7;hat think yo# that wi"kedness is 8The boy looked tho#ght!#l 7,ike when the boys in the town steal the loaves !ro. the

baker and r#n o!! 8Andre s.iled 7And what i! those boys had no one to look to the.% no5one to give

the. !ood ;o#ld yo# not steal bread to live 8 /e saw so.ething !li"ker a"ross theyo#ng !a"e% so.ething !#ll o! sorrow& /e laid his hand gently on the boy's sho#lder% toen"o#rage hi.&

7Brother% * .#st "on!ess that * too have stolen !ood&8 /e lowered his head in sha.e&7* re.e.ber a long ti.e ago% be!ore * "a.e here% being "old and very h#ngry& * hid

behind a wagon load o! t#rnips and took two to eat&8 /e looked #p thro#gh thi"k palelashes&

Andre !elt a stab o! pity% re.e.bering a !rail "hild in tattered rags& 7+o# have"o..itted no sin& The ,ord so.eti.es assists #s to stay alive% so we "an do /is work&The t#rnips in the wagon% the baker's loaves:"o#ld they not be a gi!t !ro. God 8

Christian's !a"e lightened& 7 o yo# think so Brother Andre 87*ndeed * do& * re.e.ber as a "hild stealing grapes !ro. a !ar.er's vineyard& * was

s#re * was going to starve to death i! * didn't& My !ather beat .e !or the the!t a!ter *'dspent the whole day on the latrine& .hat was the gi!t !ro. God% a pain!#l lesson ingl#ttony&8 /e s.iled at the re.e.bran"e&

7*s it wi"kedness when the towns!olk throw ro"ks and spit at the @ews in the.arketpla"e 8 asked Christian&

7 ot all the towns!olk treat the. so& o yo# think that the ,ord wo#ld end the world be"a#se o! a !ew bad people when all the others keep /is word 8

The boy looked tho#ght!#l 7* have read the book in the abbot's library abo#t how theknights !o#ght in the /oly ,and% and their "o..ander ordered the. to kill everyone%Christian and Moha..edans together% be"a#se they "o#ld not tell the. apart&8

Andre !elt another stab o! pain in his "hest% b#t this ti.e he re"ognised it as the bitter lan"e o! g#ilt and not the twinging soreness o! an old battle wo#nd& /e had seen and been


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a party to% .#"h wi"kedness and here he was instr#"ting a yo#ng boy on the nat#re o! sin&/e !elt asha.ed&

7;e are getting .#"h too serio#s on s#"h a bea#ti!#l day% .y !riend& +o#robservations on the ra.parts have re.inded .e that there is a gi!t * wanted to give yo#&8Christian's !a"e broke open in a s.ile& 7B#t only i! yo# pro.ise not to "li.b #p there

again& At least #ntil we .ake yo# a st#rdy ladder and sa!er plat!or.&8 /e 4#.ped to his!eet in e$"ite.ent and !ollowed Andre into the s"riptori#.& o5one had ever given hi. a gi!t&

>

Christian t#rned the strange brass dis" over in his ni.ble !ingers& 7;hat is it BrotherAndre 8 /e was trying hard to "on"eal his disappoint.ent& /e tho#ght the gi!t wo#ld bea kni!e or slingshot& All the boys in the town had slingshots& /e'd heard the. yelling and"heering ea"h other as they pra"ti"ed at targets in the !ields% !linging s.all stones with!atal a""#ra"y&

7*t is an astrolabe% Christian& A very old one&8 /e la#ghed& The boy "o#ld not hidehis tho#ghts6 they were always plain to see on his open !a"e& 7* see yo# are not b#bblingover with e$"ite.ent at .y gi!t&8

Christian bl#shed& 7 o sire& * know it is o! great val#e& *t is !inely .ade and very bea#ti!#l& B#t * a. not worthy o! s#"h a gi!t&8

Andre had presented it to hi. with .#"h "ere.ony& ineteen years ago he'd bro#ghtit with hi. to the abbey% wrapped "are!#lly in a la.bskin% with other ghosts o! his past&The abbot% re.inding hi. o! his vows o! poverty% lo"ked the. in a "hest in hisapart.ents% with the pro.ise that i! he sho#ld ever !eel the need to ret#rn to his Order%they wo#ld be his on"e .ore& 7;hy are yo# not worthy id yo# not .ake a weavingloo. !or Mistress Berthilda oes not the abbot instr#"t yo# in Ara.ai" so yo# "an readthe words o! O#r ,ord in /is own tong#e 8

The boy looked do#bt!#l 7+es% b#t * "annot #nderstand the #se o! this instr#.ent&;hat is an astrolabe 8

Andre seated hi.sel! on one o! the wooden ben"hes and gest#red to Christian to"o.e "loser& /e pla"ed the astrolabe reverently on the table in !ront o! hi.& 7The Arabssay that with this% they "an "all down the heavens&8 /e laid the devi"e% the si?e o! a s.allserving plate% in the pal. o! his hand& 7


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7+es& And * will tea"h yo# how to #se it&8 Andre's s.ile !aded% it was ti.e to tell the boy o! the de"ision he had .ade&

7Be!ore * go&8)or a .o.ent Christian did not rea"t% his ga?e "on"entrated on the #n!a.iliar

.e"hanis. in his hands% b#t Andre's eyes never le!t his earnest !a"e and he wat"hed as

tears began to !or. in the boy's bright eyes& /e wished there had been another way& B#tthere% it was done& Andre !elt a s#rge o! relie!& At last he had told Christian o! his leaving%a task he had been avoiding these long .onths&

/e sat 9#ietly% knowing the boy deserved an e$planation% !or.#lating in his .ind thewords he wo#ld #se to tell a "hild there really is wi"kedness in the world and he had

played his part in it&That there was always a re"koning and his was d#e&

>

Christian willed hi.sel! not to "ry& /e was al.ost a .an now& /e did not know

e$a"tly when his natal day was% b#t he knew that he had been at the abbey !or ten years&The .onks had told hi. he was abo#t !ive when he'd arrived .ysterio#sly on theirdoorstep& That .ade hi. .ore than old eno#gh to work !or his living and old eno#gh togo to war&

;eeping was #nbe"o.ing in a yo#ng .an s#"h as he% b#t Andre had been like a!ather to hi.% so tears "rept into his eyes anyway% e$posing his heart& /e !o#nd it di!!i"#ltto .ake the words& 7+o# are going away 8

Andre nodded& 7+es% Christian& @er#sale. has been .#"h in .y .ind&87B#t yo# will ret#rn 8Andre looked at the boy and shook his head& 7 o .y son% * a. not "o.ing ba"k&8Christian lowered his head to hide his tears and s#ddenly there "a.e a .e.ory% one

so strong he staggered% "l#t"hing at the table edge to keep !ro. !alling: /is !ather%dragged thro#gh the door o! their s.all h#t% a "ity g#ard at ea"h elbow% sho#ting& 7* willgo% * will go= B#t leave the boy& /e is not .y "hild& o yo# not see he is a peasant /e!et"hes !irewood and works in the !ields&8 )ather looking at hi.% his gentle eyes boringinto his own% !illed with terror% not !or hi.sel!% b#t !or Christian&

7Go ba"k to yo#r !a.ily% boy= There is no .ore !ood !or yo# here=8 /e'd wat"hedhis !ather's bent ba"k as he was shoved thro#gh the door% the g#ards not "aring !or thewhi.pering boy h#ddled by the sp#ttering hearth& A s.all "hild was worth not a !arthingin a ti.e when


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The pain he was !eeling now was the pain he !elt all those years ago% seeing his!ather dragged away% lost !orever& /e loved Andre like a !ather was loved and it washappening all over again&

/e !l#ng the astrolabe into Andre's lap and ran o#t o! the door% blinded by his tears&/e ran on% not thinking where he was going% not "aring& The .onks "alled a!ter hi.

good h#.o#redly as he r#shed a"ross the 9#adrangle% #naware o! his pain&Then he stopped% panting% at the .onastery gate and looked ba"k at the ar"heddoorway o! the s"riptori#.& Andre was standing on the steps% his hands hidden in the!olds o! his habit% his .o#th t#rned down in sorrow&

Christian knew that Andre loved hi.& Their long years together had !orged a bond between the. and in the distan"e between the. now% Christian "o#ld see pain in the.onks bl#e eyes&

/e walked along the path toward the town% seeing no5one% his heart a"hing& /elooked ba"k to the loo.ing walls o! the .onastery% at the pla"e where he had beenre"eived with love and kindness% !ro. Andre .ost o! all&

And there "a.e to hi. an #nderstanding% one that in his drea.ing nights and

tho#ght!#l days% he too had .ade a de"ision&/e walked slowly ba"k to the s"riptori#. thinking% not as a "hild .ight think% o!abandon.ent and loss% b#t as a .an .ight think% o! things needing to be done and onlythe short years o! a .an's e$isten"e to do the.&

>

*t took a long ti.e !or Christian to tell Andre o! his plan to leave&They worked together in the in!ir.ary% Christian's skill apparent even in his tender

years&/e'd been helping treat the !estering wo#nd o! a yo#ng .ason's prenti"e who'd

"a#ght his leg on a r#sted iron spike and been too !rightened to stop work to tend to it% his.aster being known !or harshness& The boy had the "are o! his widowed .other and livedin !ear o! the. both starving&

/e was seated on a stool by the open door o! the in!ir.ary% the reek o! the in!la.edleg too overpowering to allow hi. a bed in the hall& Christian tried to "o.!ort hi.%.aking light o! the in4#ry as .en do% even in e7tremis & /e pointed to a pretty girl passing

by and both boys giggled and sni"kered as she raised her ar.s to li!t a heavy basket o!linen and the o#tline o! her s.all breasts showed thro#gh the thin !abri" o! her s.o"k&


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her ten tho#sand virgin .artyrs !or aid and then bo#nd it with nettle leaves% only servingto drive the in!e"tion in !#rther&

A!ter the boy had !allen into a !it!#l sleep% they sat on the steps o#tside the in!ir.ary%wat"hing the stars shooting a"ross the s#..er night sky% the s.all !ire!lies o! light

blinking o#t as they ar"ed gra"e!#lly thro#gh the heavens&

Andre took the astrolabe !ro. the !olds o! his t#ni" and handed it to Christian& /ewas readying hi.sel! at last to begin his 4o#rney to the /oly ,and&Christian noti"ed the lines et"hed deeply in the s#n5browned !a"e% the on"e thi"k hair

thinning aro#nd the neat tons#re& /e was a strong .an still% b#t the years were showingand the boy "o#ld see so.ething else in the kind and open !a"e:longing&

Andre s.iled6 he was always s.iling 7+es Christian 87May * "o.e with yo# to @er#sale. 8/e was so s#rprised he "o#ld !ind no answer& All the ob4e"tions o! a "on"erned !ather

!lashed thro#gh his .indD The privations o! the 4o#rney% the solitary desert nights% danger&A!ter his own !ather died% Andre's inheritan"e had gone to the Order% in a""ordan"e withhis oath& /e was a penniless .onk& *t wo#ld be a hard 4o#rney&

And then there was the risk o! entangling an inno"ent in his own g#ilt&7;hy wo#ld yo# travel to s#"h a pla"e id yo# not tell .e that yo# wish to heal thesi"k ;hat better pla"e than here% where all aro#nd "o.e !or s#""o#r 8

Christian nodded sole.nly 7*t is tr#e Brother% * "on!ess .y so#l takes wing whenanother's s#!!ering is eased% s#"h as that !ellow in there&8 /e pointed toward the door% tothe now snoring .ason's boy& 7+o# have ta#ght .e so .#"h and * a. grate!#l beyondany words * "an say& B#t there is .ore * need to learn&8

;hile treating the si"k in the in!ir.ary% with Christian by his side% Andre had alwaystalked o! the di!!eren"e between skills learned on the battle!ield% s#"h as his% and healinglearned in the great s"hools o! .edi"ine& /e nodded% b#t his tho#ghts were !ar away% withthe .ysterio#s sat"hel and the strange ite.s they "ontained& /e re.e.bered thedesperate letter written in a doo.ed .an's hand :'* beg yo#6 do not hinder hi. inthis::'

This ti.e Christian "o#ld not read Andre's e$pression% b#t he tr#sted this .an .orethan any other& /e tho#ght o! his "lear and persistent drea.s and the work he wasdestined to do be!ore he "o#ld be with his .other and !ather again& 7* have read that thosein the ast possess greater knowledge than we% in the art o! .edi"ine and the s"ien"es%that they "an "on4#re with n#.bers and :8 /e li!ted the astrolabe and sighted it at thenight sky 7:.eas#re the heavens&8

/e hoped that Andre wo#ld believe that he too .#st be on his way&7Brother Andre i! * take 4o#rney with yo# to the ast% * .ight !ind those that will

help .e dis"over this knowledge&8 There was pleading in the boy's eyes:anddeter.ination&

Andre% still s.iling% asked gently 7/ave yo# spoken to the abbot 8 /e #nderstoodthe longing !or knowledge he had !ostered in the boy and #nderstood also that the ti.ehad "o.e& /e p#t his hand gently on Christian's sho#lder& 7* was .#"h yo#r age when *le!t .y ho.e and !a.ily& ;e lived in a s.all village and * wanted to see the o"ean&8 /edidn't want to tell hi. that at !i!teen his drea.s had been o! battle glory and sla#ghter inthe /oly ,and% low aspirations indeed in "o.parison to these lo!ty ideals o! healing&


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7My .other was sorely disappointed in .e&

7 o% no% .y son& * have need o! yo#&8 The abbot's hands tre.bled as he waved the. be!ore his s#ppli"ants& 7+o# are the only thing that keeps this "r#.bling bag o! bones onthis earth&8 /is voi"e took on a plaintive% whining tone 7;ho will read to .e in theevenings ;ho will bring .e treats !ro. the kit"hens 8


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Andre !elt saddened at the sight o! this on"e pro#d .an% de"lining into the "hildhoodo! old age&


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/e .oved "loser and p#t his strong hand on the old .an's thin sho#lder& 7* have"o.e !or the boy's possessions&8

The abbot nodded slowly and t#rned to the wooden "hest behind hi. and in oneswi!t .ove.ent that belied his age% he li!ted the lid and bro#ght !orth a glea.ing sword%its blade l#.ino#s in the !li"kering "andlelight& /is eyes glittered as they bored into

Andre's 7And have yo# "o.e !or yo#r possessions also 8 /e held the weapon per!e"tly balan"ed in his bony hand% every e.otion playing #pon his !eat#res& Andre "o#ld see thathe was en4oying the al.ost eroti" !eel o! the power !orged into the steel blade& /ei.agined he "o#ld hear it h#..ing in the silen"e& 7*s it not !itting that yo# sho#ld die byyo#r own sword 8

Andre's ga?e .oved to the 9#illion% to the intri"ate s"roll work inlaid with lapisla?#li taken !ro. the deserts o! A!ghanistan% then down the long wide blade% the bestToledo steel% te.pered with a virgin's water&

Gaspard had been very pro#d o! that sword&/is eyes rested on the !#ller% the blood g#tter r#nning along its length% in his

i.agination stained a darker "olo#r to the #nspoiled rest& /e knew the reason !or that

groove in the blade& *t was said that it lightened the weight witho#t taking the strength% b#t all soldiers know it is !or swi!t re.oval& ven the ar.ies o! anti9#ity hollowed theirweapons !or speed at the kill&

/e re.e.bered that s#"king !eel as the blade "a.e !ree% then swinging it high and pl#nging it again% blood l#st !iring his strength% wat"hing dispassionately as his vi"ti.'ss#rprised eyes rolled ba"k into eternity& A !eeling arose in his breast o! !inding a lost!riend and longing to e.bra"e it& *t had saved his li!e "o#ntless ti.es& /e owed it now&

The abbot pointed the sword toward hi. and he !elt the tingle in his throat where the blade .ight enter& The old .an sneered& 7*t is yo# who is en"o#raging the boy% yo# whohas p#t these ideas into his head&8

/e .oved "loser to Andre% who stood in .#te silen"e% his heart !illing with anoverwhel.ing sense o! sha.e and sadness& /e !elt no !ear&

And the old .an wat"hed as he sank to his knees% bowed his head in s#b.ission and began to pray& /e prayed !or sins% heavy in his heart% !or the abbot's distress and .ost o!all !or Christian% that he .ight have the strength to "arry his tor"h onward% to his destiny&

/e began to !eel that death now% or later% wo#ld not really .atter& That he sho#ld die by Gaspard's !ine sword wo#ld be an hono#r in its way& Their !riendship had s#rvivedthese .any years& They had taken oath to prote"t ea"h other and their !ellow knights&They'd !o#ght together and prayed together&

/e heard a "rash !ro. the doorway b#t did not stir& /is heart was at pea"e& /ewel"o.ed oblivion&

Then Christian's voi"e rang o#t% "lear and !ir.& 7 o )ather: o not:* beg yo#:8then silen"e:and the so#nd o! weeping&

/e opened his eyes and looked #p& The abbot was standing% the sword li.p in hishand% head bent and shaking !ro. side to side% tears "o#rsing down into his gri??led

beard% spittle !lying !ro. his .o#th&8 Oh% )orgive .e:)orgive .e: Oh ,ord:;hathave * done 8

/is strength !ailed hi. then and Andre sprang #p and "a#ght hi. as he !ell& /e li!tedhi. gently and "arried hi. to his bed in the "orner o! the roo.& /e was no weight at all&

isease had taken his body !ro. hi. already& eath was 4#st a separation o! his so#l&


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Christian pi"ked #p the heavy sword and laid it on the desk& *t held no !as"ination !or hi.& *t was 4#st another .eans to har. another% !olly and arrogan"e in the h#.an beast& *twas no threat now& /e h#rried to help the abbot% who lay "#rled on his straw pallet%sobbing into his hands& /e looked at Christian with s#"h sorrow and re.orse that the boy!elt his heart breaking& /e loved this .an also&

7)orgive .e% .y son& * a. a !ool& * deserve to reside with the devil !or what * havedone&8Christian shook his head and "lasped the shaking hands& 7 o )ather& +o# are ill& And

* "an see that yo# are end#ring .#"h pain&8 /e looked aro#nd !or Andre and saw hi. preparing a dra#ght !ro. the abbot's vial% .i$ing it with a little wine to so!ten the bittertaste& /e bro#ght it to hi.% s.iling and held his head gently while he sipped& venswallowing had be"o.e pain!#l&

Andre !elt a !eeble heart beating in the s#nken "hest and sensed that perhaps% withthis !inal a"t o! desperation% the old .an's strength was spent& *t took only a little while!or the !#rrowed brow to s.ooth% the ang#ish to ease&

They sat by his bed% "o.!orting hi. by their presen"e&

/e whispered and Christian bent "lose to hear& 7Take what is yo#rs .y son:with.y blessing& * have been well hono#red by yo#r "o.pany& 8 And be!ore he dri!ted intograte!#l sleep he raised his !ingers in the !a.iliar attit#de 7*n o.ine atris% et )ilii% et

Their 4o#rney began be!ore the !irst snows !ell&veryone asse.bled in the re!e"tory to break their !ast and they ate in good nat#red

h#.o#r% with .#"h ba"k slapping and de"larations o! !riendship&ntil the new abbot arrived% the brothers de"ided that the #s#al do#r readings !ro.

the s"ript#re were to be set aside% the abbot's death and their !riends' depart#re leavingthe abbey #nder a heavy pall o! sorrow& sal.s were s#ng instead% 4oyo#sly "elebrating ali!e well lived and yo#th!#l "o#rage& *t was a sadness to see the. go% b#t they were pro#do! the s.all "hild grown to .anhood #nder their wing& And now the .orning air h#ngheavy with the ho.ely s.ell o! wood5s.oke and the "o.!ortable aro.a o! si??ling

ba"on&Berthilda sh#!!led aro#nd% wringing her hands in grie!% !#ssing over Christian's "lean

and pat"hed 4erkin and st#rdy woollen trews& /e had never been .eant !or the "loisterand his attire showed his stat#s as a poor "o.panion to a .endi"ant .onk&

Andre "arried a 4#te bag with his spare habit% books and .edi"al instr#.ents andChristian% the astrolabe in his old leather sat"hel and a "oarse he.pen bag with a bat"h o!Mistress Berta's honey d#.plings !olded in a pie"e o! .#slin "loth&

The books and "r#"i!i$ he le!t in the "are o! Gaspard% who lo"ked the. in a bo$ inhis workshop&


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a"h "arried other pre"io#s ite.s& Gaspard's bea#ti!#l sword lay sheathed in the"hest in the Abbot's e.pty roo.% b#t Andre had taken the short !al"hion he'd bro#ght tothe .onastery all those years ago& *t lay% strapped to his hip% invisible #nder the !olds o!his "opio#s habit& /e tho#ght it .ight !et"h a !ew pennies i! the need arose&

And also i! the need arose% he wo#ld #se it in de!en"e o! the boy who was willing to

risk everything in the p#rs#it o! knowledge&Christian !o#nd another po#"h in the sat"hel& *t "ontained three gold sovereigns and ashort letter !ro. the Abbot&

)or Christian%;ords "annot e$press the 4oy yo# have given .e& +o#r 4o#rney by ship will re9#ire

pay.ent& These .ay s#!!i"e #ntil yo# rea"h yo#r destination& Carry yo#r tor"h high% .yson and i! God wills it% yo# will prevail&

Brother Alberto gave Christian writing 9#ills and ink and a thin b#ndle o! s"raped

vell#.% a pre"io#s gi!t indeed&Gaspard gave hi. a s.all "hest "ontaining tin"t#res and re.edies and n#dging and

winking in ribald h#.o#r% gave instr#"tions on the .aking o! love philtres !or bea#ti!#l.aidens& Then he "lasped Andre ro#ghly to his barrel shaped "hest& There were no words&They said goodbye with the inti.a"y o! brothers% in the sign lang#age o! soldiers& Theireyes !illed with tears at their parting% the !irst sin"e they'd 4oined the Order together as

boys& /e #nderstood why Andre had need to .ake this perilo#s 4o#rney& /e was therewhen the "hildren were .#rdered&

Christian wrapped his ar.s aro#nd Berthilda and kissed her withered "heek& /ertears wet his !a"e and he br#shed the. away 9#i"kly& /e was abo#t a .an's b#sinessnow&

They set o!! a.id .#"h "heering and waving and as the .onastery walls !aded !ro.view and the thi"k !orest "ast deep shadows be!ore the.% both !ell silent% lost in their owntho#ghts&

Their 4o#rney wo#ld span .ore than two tho#sand .iles% so.e o! it by sea .ost o! iton !oot% over .o#ntains% thro#gh swa.ps and rivers% a"ross deserts& They wo#ld travel toBavaria% thro#gh the Brenner ass and on to Feni"e% then take ship to Crete% to Cypr#sand then on to @er#sale.% a 4o#rney at !irst !ra#ght with the nat#ral dangers o! bitter "old%wolves and alpine passes% later by lonely deserts and .ara#ding bands& This was not the#s#al ro#te taken by pilgri.s% b#t one that a!!orded the. so.e !reedo. o! travel andsolit#de% a l#$#ry a!ter these .any years o! .onasti" li!e&

They wo#ld h#nt or work !or !ood6 they wo#ld take nothing that was not !reelygiven& They wo#ld heal the si"k and that% gratis&

On this they had both de"ided and both agreed&Their ro#te now wo#ld take the. thro#gh the Bla"k )orest and over the )eldberg

Mo#ntain% a "rossing that Andre had .ade be!ore% dragging behind hi. the dark gho#lishspe"tre o! his re.orse&

They walked on thro#gh the short ho#rs o! daylight% stopping little to rest& Then asthe thin s#nlight !aded and the night began to wrap its "old ar.s abo#t the.% they knelt in

prayer together and asked o! the ,ord% /is blessing&

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Andre adhered to the tenets o! the (#ran Allah loves those who p#ri!ythe.selves:' a""epted witho#t 9#estion by .any o! the nights o! the /ospital& This/oly Book was not !orbidden the. in the ast% as it was in their own lands& *t had been"ons#lted by the learned physi"ians and the @ews% along with the Torah and the Christian

Testa.ents in their bid to !ind the best .ethods o! healing& They'd !o#nd wisdo. in the.all&/e washed hi.sel! in the strea. that !lowed sl#ggishly past% rinsing his .o#th and

nose% washing his hands #p to his elbows% his !a"e and !eet& The brothers had la#ghed at!irst and regarded hi. with s#spi"ion !or his heathen ways% b#t he was "ertain this rit#alhad prote"ted hi. !ro. the terrible .aladies raging all aro#nd the.& And in this he hadinstr#"ted Christian% believing that !ilth was the "a#se o! .#"h disease&

They rested that !irst night in a hay5lo!t on the edge o! the !orest and s#pped ons#..er apples and honey d#.plings& The .oon was al.ost in its !#llness and it lit thelo!t with a "o.!orting glow that so.ehow .at"hed their tho#ghts& Christian "o#ld notsleep and Andre stayed awake% listening to the boy's e$"ited "hatter&

Andre wat"hed hi. now as he took his !athers letter !ro. the battered sat"hel& /e'dnot spoken o! it sin"e they'd retrieved it !ro. the abbot's "hest% b#t he knew that the boyhad read it .any ti.es& Christian looked #p and sighed& 7* wish .y !ather had been a"oward&8

Andre agreed& 7+es% perhaps yo# wo#ld still have yo#r !ather i! he had not been a.an o! s#"h "o#rage% yo#r .other too&


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be!ore the s"rea.ing wo.en% holding alo!t the banners o! Christ% wat"hing as the tarsoaked sa"k"loth b#rned away to reveal their heaving breasts&

/e !elt that this horror .#st have grati!ied so.e #rge in these see.ingly pio#s .en%relishing as they did s#"h terrible s#!!ering& /e wondered now% "oarsely% i! .any o! the.hid swollen pi??les #nder their !ine gar.ents in their l#st !or the pain o! their vi"ti.s&

Bile rose in his throat at the tho#ght&*t was a horri!ying end !or .any good people and Andre prayed that one day% theabbot's drea. o! brotherhood and toleran"e wo#ld e.erge !ro. the pro!o#nd darkness inwhi"h they lived&

/e looked at Christian's yo#ng !a"e shining in the .oonlight& erhaps this inno"ent boy wo#ld a"9#ire the wisdo. o! the sages to whi"h he yearned and inherit the "o#rageo! his !orebears% to right the wrongs o! this #n4#st world&

Christian nodded& 7* do not re.e.ber .y .other at all now&8 Andre was lost in hisown .#sings and had !orgotten hi.& 7Altho#gh so.eti.es * i.agine * "an s.ell her inthe !lowers that grow by the water.ill% or in the sweet bread that Brother ;ilhel. .akeson


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The reaper wo#ld not have le!t these pre"io#s tools #nattended& ot in these days o!hardship and wandering strangers&

7 erhaps there is si"kness in the ho#se 8 Andre nodded6 it was what he'd beenthinking hi.sel!& The goodwi!e wo#ld not have let s#"h !ine "hi"kens wander abroad orlet her !a.ily's hearth go "old& The pathway beside the ho#se was well trodden% and

disease liked to travel also& The Bla"k eath had le!t its evil !ootprint a"ross the whole o! Christendo. and beyond& That this !a.ily had been taken #nawares was not beyond the bo#nds o! possibility&

Andre had been in plag#e ho#ses be!ore% had been st#nned by the swi!t passage !ro.vag#e !eelings o! weariness and !ever% to agonising death&

/e tried to think o! the words that wo#ld prepare the boy !or what they .ight !ind&This was not the in!ir.ary% with its "lean beds and linen bandages6 this was the reality o!his "alling& 7Christian% God does not give #s the power to "#re all ills% b#t we .#st never"ross a threshold #nless we "an do so.e good&8

As they approa"hed they noted the thin wattle door a4ar% a sweet% si"kly sten"h theywere both !a.iliar with and the b#??ing o! !lies& There was no .istaking now what had

be!allen the o""#pants o! this ho#se&Andre entered% Christian a!ter% his yo#ng eyes already ad4#sting to the di. interior&/e looked to the "orner o! the s.all roo. and saw two little girls laying entwined in

ea"h others ar.s% their "oarse bedding bla"k with !lies& *t see.ed as i! they were pea"e!#lly sleeping b#t the indi"ation o! disease was apparent in their blot"hed anddarkened skin% death in the stillness o! their repose&

A wo.an lay nearby "overed with a pie"e o! sa"k"loth stained with blood% her eyes"lo#dy and staring% !lies "rawling b#sily over her bloated !a"e% into her nostrils and open.o#th&

Andre' spoke !irst& 7* !ear they have been with the ,ord !or so.e ti.e&8 /e bowedhis head in silent prayer !or the. all&

Christian looked aro#nd the .iserable roo.% at the privation evident in the ro#gh!#rnishings and sparse "o.!orts& A s.all "ooking pot lay tilted on the "old hearth% there.ains o! a potage !il.ed over with green s"#. and "rawling .aggots& B#t the "hildrenwere war.ly "overed% their !a"es "lean% their !la$en hair "o.bed and dressed with s.allwhite .eadow !lowers& Two straw poppets lay beside their #pt#rned !a"es&

/is heart l#r"hed !or the grie! their .other .#st have !elt as she !o#ght this blind%raging .onster !or the lives o! her "hildren : and lost& /e wondered i! she wel"o.ed the!irst tell tale signs o! the disease in her own body% to be with her da#ghters in paradiseand leave to the rest% this hellish e$isten"e& And then this heartrending s"ene be"a.e.ore heartrending still&

/e p#lled the "overing !ro. the .other% seeing a .isshapen b#lge and there in herar.s% an in!ant lay dead% still s#"kled at his .other's teat% his s.all !ist "len"hed at herwithered breast&

/e bent to to#"h the li!eless body% !eeling the "hild's skin wa$y and "ool% hopingagainst hope so.e shred o! e$isten"e re.ained& /e "o#ld not stop the tears and let the.!all% #nasha.ed& Then he looked #p and saw so.ething else in the darkness o! the roo!

bea.s& A .an hanging% dirty bare !eet pointed downwards% ne"k at an i.possible angle%his !a"e shadowed in gloo.&


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/e ba"ked away in horror& This was an #npardonable sin in the eyes o! the ,ord& Theabbot had told hi. so& The taking o! ones own li!e% whi"h belongs to God% wo#ld pro.isean eternity in hell&

Andre stood "al.ly% s#rveying the dread!#l s"ene% holding his plain "r#"i!i$ looselyin his hand& /is .o#th .oving silently in the telling o! the beads% his !a"e showed only

sadness and pity& /e looked at Christian with that sa.e pity now& 7*! the only good we"an do here is lay the. to rest% then that is o#r d#ty& ,ook abo#t yo# !or so.ething withwhi"h to dig&8

7B#t% b#t the ::8 /e "o#ld not say it and only pointed& Andre looked #p towardthe hanged .an& 7+es% * know .y son& This wret"h .#st have been insane with grie! todo s#"h a thing& ,et #s hope that the ,ord will !orgive hi. his h#.anity&8

They b#ried the. in the so!t .eadow beside their lowly ho.e% side by side% the"hildren with their poppets% the baby between his .other and !ather& Andre !elt it wo#ldhave been better to b#rn the "ottage with the !a.ily inside6 to prevent the spread o! thedisease% b#t it wo#ld have le!t the. witho#t hope when the last tr#.pets so#nd and allare res#rre"ted in the light o! the ,ord% !or in Corinthians he knew% was written% The

tr#.pet shall so#nd% and the dead shall be raised in"orr#ptible% and we shall be "hanged&'/e began his prayer !or their so#ls as Christian stood nearby% lost in tho#ght& ot o!this #n!ort#nate !a.ily% taken !ro. the world in s#"h ang#ish% b#t o! the .an beside hi.%gently intoning Grant the. eternal rest% Oh ,ord and .ay everlasting light shine #ponthe.:' /e'd re.oved his habit to "arry the. to their grave% in a pra"ti"al gest#re to"leanliness% and then bathed in the strea. be!ore speaking the words !or the b#rying o!the dead&

*t was the !irst ti.e Christian had seen hi. #ndressed% and his disinterest t#rned to"#riosity as Andre t#rned !ro. hi. to wash& /is broad ba"k was a vivid .esh o! olds"ars% so.e !ine% like hair% others deep and p#"kered& /e'd never spoken o! his li!e be!ore"o.ing to the abbey% e$"epting "hildhood tales that Christian re"ognised as lessons& /ewondered what "o#ld have happened to leave s#"h terrible wo#nds&

And !or the !irst ti.e wondered why Andre had e$"hanged a "o.!ortable li!e at theabbey !or a perilo#s 4o#rney to the /oly ,and&

>

*t was late when they .ade their way into the !orest% neither !eeling the need to talk%the sadness o! the day drawing their tho#ghts inward&

Andre noti"ed Christian's so.bre .ood and as the a!ternoon t#rned !ro. a dis.alsetting o! the s#n to pea"e!#l night he looked !or a pla"e a.id the trees to rest&

They lit a s.all !ire and ate the last o! their d#.plings in silen"e% the pro.ise o!winter "ra"kling in the air& /e hoped they "o#ld .ake their way thro#gh the .o#ntains

be!ore the passes be"a.e i.penetrable with snow& /e "o#ld see the. above the tops o!the trees% sheer and white in the gloa.ing&

The boy sat h#ddled in his "loak% all e$"ite.ent dissipated by the dread!#l toil o! the.orning& Andre rose and "a.e to sit beside hi.& 7+o# have had .#"h to think on thisday% Christian& ot all .en "o#ld have kept a "ool head& Many wo#ld have taken !light inthe !a"e o! s#"h horror&8


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Christian st#died Andre's "al. !a"e% as i! .eas#ring and weighing his own reply andthe response to it& 7There was no sign o! disease in the in!ant% Brother& And rigor had only

4#st beg#n in the li.bs&8/e nodded !or Christian to go on% #nderstanding now the reason !or his 9#ietness&

7+es% the poor "hild likely did not have the strength to "ry o#t&8

7;hy did the ,ord not spare hi. s#"h s#!!ering ;hy% when help was so "lose 8Andre s.iled sadly& /ow .any ti.es had he asked hi.sel! the sa.e 9#estion /ow.any bla.eless "hildren had he seen lying dead% their bloodied "orpses piled #p like!irewood% all !or the "ri.e o! being born into a nation at war% or a !aith at odds withanother's& Both Christian and


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The !orest tee.ed with li!e6 "ri"kets "hirr#ping% robins singing sweet songs% rabbits bo#nding thro#gh the #ndergrowth& And with s#rprising reg#larity they en"o#ntered people going abo#t their b#siness% gathering kindling !or their !ires% setting snares&

Always they were greeted with !riendliness& They looked as they wereD pilgri.s

.aking !or the /oly ,and and salvation&O!ten they wo#ld s.ell the inviting aro.a o! so.eone's "ooking pot nearby% or hearthe high pit"hed whistle o! a h#nter "alling ba"k his ho#nds&

The path was wider here% edged with so!t green !ronds and shaded by a da??ling"anopy o! gold and r#sset leaves swaying gently overhead& *t was a pla"e o! pea"e% and asthey walked% the sadness o! the day be!ore !ell !ro. the. like a light s#..er shower onnew wool&

Christian gathered ha?eln#ts and late berries and with .#"h good nat#red .o"kery!ro. Andre% "hased a hare till he "ornered it in the tangled roots o! a tree% its so!t doeeyes wide with !right& /e wr#ng its ne"k 9#i"kly% asking !orgiveness& Then he #sed his!lint and steel to .ake a s.all !ire and roasted it slowly% savo#ring its ri"h earthy .eaty

s.ell& *t was the !irst hot !ood they'd eaten sin"e leaving the .onastery and they relishedit with grate!#l en4oy.ent and la#ghter&At night!all they .ade a bed o! !erns at the !oot o! a spreading bee"h and slept #nder

its sheltering bran"hes% prote"ted !ro. the .isty a#t#.n rain&*t was a good day&

>

Christian woke be!ore the !irst rays o! the s#n% b#t Andre's pla"e was already e.pty&/e "o#ld see hi. thro#gh the dappled leaves% head bent in prayer% as always in thetran9#il ho#rs o! the .orning&

A light !rost "overed the .ossy gro#nd and Christian lay "ontentedly in his sweets.elling bed% "onte.plating the bea#ty o! the i"y "rystalline !or.s& A r#stle o! leavest#rned hi. sharply toward the so#nd b#t all was #ndist#rbed& /e wat"hed as Andrestraightened and .oved toward hi. with his !a.iliar #pright stride&

The leaves r#stled again&This ti.e Christian was ready and leapt to his !eet& /e rea"hed !or the s.all kni!e he

kept in his 4erkin% b#t s#ddenly a hand snaked o#t o! the 9#ivering bran"hes and "l#t"hedat his wrist& Then the bran"h !ell to the gro#nd and a wo.an was standing beside hi.%leaves and twigs sti"king in her long "hestn#t hair& /e tried to wren"h away b#t herstrong hand held hi. still&

/er sleeveless shi!t o! "oarse sa"king showed well !or.ed sho#lders and slenderar.s& One hand still gripped Christian's wrist% b#t the other held a "l#t"h o! hen's eggs%whi"h she o!!ered to hi. with sole.n gra"e&

Andre ret#rned and took in the s"ene with so.e a.#se.ent& 7* see yo# have been"apt#red& Are yo# not going to re.e.ber yo#r .anners and thank her !or the eggs 8

Christian looked asha.ed% seeing now what Andre was seeing% a wo.an o!!ering!ood to travellers& /e lowered his head and took the gi!t& 7* thank yo# .istress&8

/er #nlined !a"e and "lear skin showed her to be a wo.an o! no great years b#t the pleasing !eat#res were dis!ig#red by a .ass o! deep welts and b#rns aro#nd her .o#th&


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Christian waited% wat"hing the silent e$"hange between the two& Then she gr#ntedlo#dly and p#lled her head away% tears in her eyes& Andre sat .otionless6 saying nothing%his !air skin had t#rned ashen in the so!t .orning light&

/e !elt the sharp sting o! tears also% !or i! he laid his so#l bare to her% she had laid her so#l bare to hi.& *n the spa"e o! a breath he saw her% standing ere"t and de!iant be!ore the

.ight o! the Ch#r"h% her h#sband tort#red #nto death beside her% and writhing in agony aswhite hot pin"ers were !or"ed into her .o#th to tear her tong#e !ree o! its roots& /e !eltthe blinding pain and terror o! that aw!#l p#nish.ent and his head swa. with theknowledge&

They spent the day "hopping wood !or the winter ahead and piling it neatly besidethe "ottage&

The s#n was beginning to set b#t they de"ided to walk on% the !#ll .oon lightingtheir way& They saw no !irelights as they travelled deeper into the woods% heard no h#nter "alling his dogs& At night!all the wolves began howling and as Christian t#ned his ears tothe o.ino#s so#nd% long b#ried .e.ories rose to the s#r!a"e& /is voi"e dropped to awhisper 7* do not like that noise&8

Andre la#ghed& 7Ah% .y boy& +o# "an "har. the birds o#t o! the trees and the pigs!ro. their swill& O! what "on"ern is an overlarge dog o yo# not have as .#"h right towalk here as he 8

7+es% b#t * re.e.ber the tales * heard as a "hild&8 Andre stopped s#ddenly andlooked sternly at Christian% the !irst ti.e he "o#ld re"all doing so&

7Childish !ears have no pla"e in a .an's li!e& There will be .any dangers on o#r 4o#rney6 wolves the least o! the.& B#t they will s.ell yo#r !ear and atta"k i! they per"eive weakness&


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"hase&8 And then he s.iled his broad .is"hievo#s s.ile& 7* still re.e.ber the s.ell o!that wonder!#l gar.ent&8

They walked on thro#gh the night and the baying wolves !aded into the darkness asAndre re"o#nted the e$ploits o! his yo#th&

>

Two weeks later they e.erged !ro. the shadowed woods to !ind a vast ro"k5 strewn plain and snow "overed peaks sharply o#tlined against a slate grey sky&

They lit a !ire and roasted the rabbit Christian had snared earlier& These har.less"reat#res had blessed the. with !resh .eat !or .ost o! their 4o#rney b#t the desolates"ene ahead held little pro.ise o! !ood&

Christian took o#t his astrolabe and sighted it at the sky% ad4#sting the r#le and rete to"al"#late their position& Andre had ta#ght hi. well how to #se it and his intention nowwas to !ind a ro#te toward the ast% to the (#ibla& As he .ade his re"koning% he saw thattheir dire"tion lay between the ridges o! the two highest peaks& They wo#ld have to "li.b

b#t not as"end to the .o#ntain tops& /e looked to Andre who had !allen asleep with his ba"k against a ro"k% wrapped in his "loak& /is !a"e was grey with !atig#e% altho#gh noton"e had he .ade "o.plaint or s#ggested they rest&

;hen they began their trek to the .o#ntains% they bent into the i"y wind that howleda"ross the !lat% barren land% snat"hing at their "lothes% biting into their skin& Christian

be"a.e very !ond o! his bonnet and .ittens and altho#gh Andre see.ed i.pervio#s to"hanges in the weather% Christian noti"ed that his pa"e had slowed and his #s#al steadygait was ha.pered by a li.p&

Crags and ridges loo.ed #p% dark and .ena"ing% water t#.bled over ro"ky o#t"ropsand ledges% snow "lothed the peaks in a ragged "ape o! white la"e&

ow Christian #nderstood what Andre .eant abo#t the wolves& They'd le!t the.alone% stalking alongside b#t not approa"hing% inti.idating with their growls b#t notatta"king& They were o! no "onse9#en"e in "o.parison to this !or.idable barrier& /e'dkept his !ear tight inside and he kept it in now% sensing that he wo#ld need all his strength!or this part o! the 4o#rney&

They walked on witho#t stopping #ntil the light began to !ade% then took shelter inthe lea o! a giant ro"k !or.ation whi"h stood like a sentinel at the !oot o! the .o#ntain&

Christian tho#ght o! what lay ahead% the people he .ight .eet and the .arvels he.ight see% the bright whirling dervishes% the .agi o! the ast with their "harts and s"rollsand in"antations% the wise /ebrew s"holars and .ysterio#s gypt% !#ll o! grand te.plesand hidden knowledge&

;ith all his heart he wanted that knowledge% to heal and "o.!ort and ease thes#!!ering o! those he saw aro#nd hi.& And he knew with a s#reness he "o#ldn't e$plain%that one day% it wo#ld be granted&

/e wrapped hi.sel! in his travelling "loak% p#lled his bonnet over his !a"e anddri!ted into "ontented sleep&

To.orrow they wo#ld begin the 4o#rney thro#gh the passes% o#t o! Ger.any andonward to the "oast% to take ship to @er#sale.&

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The snow !ell heavily the ne$t day and the day a!ter& They were !ort#nate they had so!ew possessions& Christian's s.all apothe"ary bo$ weighed heavy on his sho#lders and

began to "ha!e against his ba"kbone% "reating sore pat"hes o! raw% bleeding skin&Andre's li.p be"a.e worse #ntil Christian insisted he stop to e$a.ine his !eet and

!o#nd large% in!la.ed blisters where his new boots had r#bbed against his toes& /eapplied salve and bo#nd the. with the .#slin that Mistress Berta had wrapped thed#.plings in and they 4oked abo#t the healing power o! honey d#.plings&

erie e"hoes howled like long dead ghosts thro#gh the nat#ral "orridor .ade by the"li!!s towering above the.% b#t the snow had hardened to a !ir. "r#st% .aking walkingeasier& They said little as they 4o#rneyed on% the !ier"e wind whipping the words !ro.their .o#ths as soon as they were spoken&

;hen their battle with the wind bent the. do#ble with weariness% they stopped atlast% !inding an #nderhanging ro"k to shelter the.& They ate the ha?eln#ts Christian hadgathered in the !orest and slept till the .orning% wrapped like "o"oons in their "loaks&

The ne$t day the sky was heavy and grey with threatened snow b#t it stayed in the

heavens and they .ade their way steadily% en4oying the s#rreal .a4esty o! the alpine peaks& *t was a pla"e where ti.e was .eas#red by the beating o! a heart or the inhalationo! a breath& *t was not hard to i.agine that they alone inhabited the world&

They saw the tra"ks o! snow !o$es and .ar.ots% b#t no living thing "rossed their path% even the birds had disappeared !ro. the sky&

Christian padded like a leopard in the snow% alert and wat"h!#l !or s.all ga.e%"o.!ortable in his s#rro#ndings& *t .ade Andre glad and he prayed that the boy wo#ld!ind that whi"h he so#ght&

)or hi.sel!% he tho#ght o! the righting o! wrongs and o! pea"e& othing "o#ld give the "hildren ba"k their lives% b#t they had been inno"ent%

wel"o.ed into the ar.s o! the ,ord with 4oy& /is bea#ti!#l +iola had taken her own li!eand wo#ld b#rn in eternal tor.ent i! he "o#ld not .ake a.ends&

*t was his !a#lt that the "hildren had been .#rdered in their beds% not hers& And hehad "arried his g#ilt thro#gh the years like a bloated lee"h !astened to his so#l&

/e'd hidden behind a pillar as she tended the babes in the n#rsery% singing sweetl#llabies% her p#re "lear voi"e like a so!tly ringing bell& /e'd wat"hed her lay a dead "hildto rest% her tears !alling like pearls on the pale wa$en !a"e and a"hed to kiss away her

pain&And when he wrapped his strong ar.s aro#nd her at last and p#lled her "lose% his

t#ni" still stained with the blood o! the battle!ield% she'd tried to p#sh hi. away b#t he'dheld her% knowing by her bright eyes and the heart beating like a !l#ttering wing #nder hishand that she wanted hi. too&

/e re.e.bered p#lling away her veil and the "lean% silken !eel o! her hair as it !ellthro#gh his !ingers like s#nlit water% the so!t war.th o! her "heek as he tasted her saltytears and then the .oist velvet !eel o! her tong#e in his .o#th as his need !or her rea"heds#"h heights that he tho#ght he wo#ld drown in an o"ean o! desire& And later% the s.ell o!

4as.ine on the war. s#..er night% his big hand "#pping her breast as the other e$ploredgently between her parting thighs% not needing now to be over"o.e by his strength& Andthe world disappearing as her "ool hand rea"hed down to "lose aro#nd his swollen.anhood and g#ide hi. to her% willingly&


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They'd both known it was wrong& /e was bo#nd by his vows and she% an orphan p#tto #se in the n#rsery to save her !ro. starvation& B#t he'd been yo#ng and strong and !#llo! !ire&

The .e.ory o! what he'd done !illed hi. with sha.e even now& /e walked on% notlooking at Christian% lost in his past&


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The swarthy "aptain p#lled ba"k his sho#lders and vowed that his ship was witho#tdisease b#t r#n dangero#sly low on water% being t#rned away !ro. every port they'dsighted&

The orange s#n h#ng low on the hori?on as it "a.e alongside the pier% the "aptain.anoe#vring the ship "lose be!ore sho#ting down with a "arrion s.ile that he "arried

bla"k pepper% n#t.eg and opi#. !ro. the /oly land% whi"h he wo#ld be willing to trade%!or the right pri"e&;hile two silent "rew.en threw the do"k5lines over the bollards and tied it !ast% the

harbo#r .aster walked its length% noting the !ilth en"r#sting the h#ll above the water line%the rats s"#ttling along the hawser to shore and the reek o! h#.an waste seeping !ro. itshold& Barrels o! water and !r#it were ha#led a"ross on ropes while the towns!olk a.bleddown to the whar! to wat"h the spe"ta"le o! a !#lly laden slave5ship&

They were disappointed& The pleas and groans o! the wret"hes pa"ked tight in thehold wo#ld have .elted the heart o! the devil% b#t the "aptain kept the. lo"ked below&

The harbo#r .aster set a wat"h !or the night to ens#re no5one dise.barked andwaited !or the


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her to look at hi.& ;hat he saw there .ade his heart leap% b#t he p#shed away his desire!or her and stepped ba"k% steeling his resolve&

/e begged her !orgiveness and ad.itted the sha.e he !elt !or the advantage he hadtaken& /e'd !or"ed hi.sel! #pon her !or the basest o! reasons& /e told her to look !or ah#sband who wo#ld "are !or her% as his d#ty "o#ld be to no earthly wo.an& /e knew

what he said was "r#el6 he "o#ld see the h#rt in her eyes&

Andre st#.bled and Christian .oved 9#i"kly to his side& 7* thank yo# .y boy& Thero"ks are trea"hero#s here&8 B#t Christian had been wat"hing hi. !or so.e ti.e and hadseen the ang#ish that he'd not tho#ght to hide&

*"e blasted trees stood like skeletons against the !ading light as they !o#nd shelteron"e again in the lee o! the ro"ks& The wind had "arved a s.all "ave in the !a"e o! the"li!! and here they took re!#ge !or the night% Andre wrapping hi.sel! against the "old and!alling grate!#lly into sleep&

Christian gathered the dry twigs that lay aro#nd the. and lit a s.all !ire at theentran"e% !illing the "ave with "osy war.th and the so!t% resino#s s"ent o! pine& /e ate


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hal! the n#ts that were le!t% saving the rest !or Andre% b#t he was still h#ngry and the "hillsee.ed to have seeped thro#gh to the .arrow o! his bones% denying hi. sleep&

/e took the astrolabe o#t o! his !ather's po#"h&The wind "eased its howling and the night "a.e down 9#i"kly% a sliver o! .oon

hanging pale in the heavens% setting a s"ene o! s#"h pro!o#nd bea#ty that Christian

tho#ght he .ight weep at the sight&/e handled the instr#.ent "are!#lly% setting the pend#l#. and r#le in line with thehori?on that lay !ar in the distan"e% b#t his "al"#lations were .ade di!!i"#lt by the poorlight and their lo!ty perspe"tive% so he "ontented hi.sel! with st#dying the !ineengravings on its s#r!a"e& /e'd never asked Andre how he "a.e to own s#"h a thing andhe wondered now at its provenan"e& /ad it been possessed by an astrono.er% a learned.an% a prin"e ;hat other hand had sighted it at the sky and "alled down the stars /is!ingers tingled at the tho#ght&

/e was still wat"hing the play o! the stars against the velvet sky when Andre rose to pray& /e stood beside hi.% laid a hand on his sho#lder and pointed at lights twinkling in aha?y shi..er below& Christian had been so intent #pon his "onte.plation o! the heavens

he hadn't noti"ed the early .orning wakening o! the town beneath the.&>

The road to the town was narrow and ill .ade and the stinking gibbet "ages on either side over!lowed their !o#l "argo onto the .#ddy gro#nd& Andre !ingered his beads& Theyhad been .en on"e&

This death by hanging% till the !lesh rotted and !ell !ro. the bones% was a "o..oneno#gh p#nish.ent now& /e re.e.bered a 4o#rney to


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A .onk heh 8 The eye narrowed and regarded the. steadily& 7 o po$ or swellings 8Andre p#shed ba"k his hood and showed his #ns"arred !a"e to the eye& 7;hat abo#t the

boy 8 Christian did the sa.e& /oarse la#ghter !ollowed the. as the gate sw#ng open on"reaking hinges& 7;ell% * bid ye enter then% lest we be in peril o! o#r .ortal so#ls&8

They approa"hed the town s9#are and saw a hive o! a"tivity in the dawning light& *t

was .arket day&


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*n the .orning they bid their !arewells and .ade their way thro#gh the town loaded#p with loaves and eggs and good wishes& Andre was str#"k by how healthy and happythe people see.ed& veryone ret#rned their greetings with a "heery s.ile6 their ro#nd!a"es rosy and pl#.p& The "hildren skipped along gaily with their .others% dressed war.and .#!!led !ro. the "old&

/e'd never entered a town where ver.in in!ested .iddens were not piled high andreeking and no piss and shit ran in the g#tters% yet there was no ord#re in the streets% orrats gnawing on !ilth in the alleys& And he "o#ld see no signs o! po$ or disease& erhapsthe shadow o! the glorio#s alpine peaks above prote"ted the towns!olk !ro. har.

Then he re.e.bered the s#rly gatekeeper and the thi"k stone walls s#rro#ndingthe.&


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The !at t#rbaned gate.an in!or.ed the. thro#gh a "lo#d o! s.oke !ro. his hashish pipe that a !ine road led !ro. his gate to the great "ity o! Feni"e% a "ity where anything"o#ld be had i! a .an had gold eno#gh% even a pretty virgin boy& /e winked le"hero#slyat Christian and stret"hed o#t his sweating sa#sage !ingers to to#"h his !a"e&

Andre's hand went to the hilt o! his hidden !al"hion b#t Christian stepped ba"k

warily and the gate.an waved the. away% "o#ghing thi"kly and spitting brown gobs intoa bowl in his lap&

>

That night they slept against the da.p stone wall o! the

They "ontin#ed so#th along the wide% d#sty road% .eeting pilgri.s and .er"hantsand whole !a.ilies "o.ing ba"k !ro. the "ity or going onward to the /oly land& Thenobles and ri"h .er"hants rode in !ine litters% or on st#rdy pal!reys% veiled in .#slins andsilks to keep o#t the d#st% "o.plaining all the while% while the others walked% p#lling"arts laden with pots or "loth to sell in the .arkets and so.e% believing the.selvessinners% prostrating the.selves in the dirt with every ro#nd o! their beads&

They passed a gro#p o! !lagellants% white robed and do#r !a"ed% "hanting andwhipping their !lesh as they walked on in a slow% .o#rn!#l !ile&


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And a .other% str#ggling along behind her h#sband% "arrying an idiot "hild on her ba"k% a wide "ross shaved into the hair on the ba"k o! its head in the hope o! the ,ord's blessing&

Many showed the s"ars o! s.allpo$ or the ravages o! leprosy& *t see.ed as i! thewhole o! travelling h#.anity were .arred and weakened by disease&

And they .ade "a.p one evening with a ragged% s.iling .instrel% who'd walkedwith the. !or .iles% playing sweet t#nes on a battered l#te and singing pretty love songs%la#ghing all the while& /is eyes were the sparkling bl#e o! an alpine lake% his 9#iet%"o#rtly .anner belying his shabby appearan"e& Christian sat .es.erised as he spoke% inthe gentle% lilting a""ents o! the ,ang#edo"% o! the .ysterio#s bla"k Madonna adorninghis "h#r"h and the .assa"re in a ti.e gone by% o! .any o! his kin!olk% !or the sin o!holding to the !aith o! the Cathari&

Andre re.e.bered the brothers speaking o! the great p#rge at Be?iers on the t#rningo! the "ent#ry% praising their sainted abbot Ana#d5A.a#ry !or p#tting twenty tho#sand tothe sword: and ridding the "ity o! the stain o! heresy& They'd la#ghed as they re"o#ntedhis !a.o#s words ill the. all% !or the ,ord knoweth the. that are his&' +et he had

heard that their !aith was one o! "o.passion to all "reat#res and absol#te devotion toGod&The tro#bado#r le!t the. in the .orning% s#ddenly de"iding to ret#rn to his ho.e in

To#lo#se& Be!ore his depart#re% he took !ro. his po#"h a s.all par"el wrapped in par"h.ent and pla"ed it s.iling% in Christian's hand& And as his wide sleeve !ell away inthe o!!ering% a s.all tattoo showed at his wrist% the sa.e triangle and rose "ross as theseal on his !ather's letter&

Christian gasped in s#rprise b#t the .instrel la#ghed and skipped away% his eyes!lashing& /e begged a ride with a wagon driver ret#rning to Trent and waved gaily as theydisappeared over the "rest o! a hill&

Christian walked along !#ll o! wonder at this "han"e .eeting 7;e .et onlyyesterday b#t it !eels as i! * have known hi. all .y li!e&8

Andre nodded& 7+es& /e was so.eone o! greater signi!i"an"e than he appeared% *!eel& And to have a .ark the sa.e as yo#r !ather's is a .ystery indeed& *t .ay be adangero#s thing to bear in these dark ti.es&8

Christian's eyes widened& 7 o yo# think that's what !ather's seal was% a sy.bol o!the Cathars 8

Andre shook his head 7 o% they had a si.ple philosophy * believe% one that deniedthe i.portan"e o! this world& *t wo#ld have been anathe.a to the. to "arry anything thatlooks like a "r#"i!i$&8 /e'd heard that they'd held a belie! in the innate evilness o! allearthly things% that .ans' body had been a "reation o!


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delight% Christian tilted it to and !ro% "apt#ring its bea#ti!#l rainbow "olo#rs in the light&/e handed the heavy glass to Andre and s.oothed o#t the sti!! yellow par"h.ent%noti"ing a s"ript written in dark sooty ink& A !rown "reased his s.ooth !eat#res as hereadD

0othing is as it seems4

And Christian saw tr#ly% by the wondro#s light !lashing and winking thro#gh theglass% by the so!t pink and yellow and bright% "lear green and violet that wo#ld p#t a!lower to sha.e% that even the very air he breathed and the plain light o! day% wasso.ething .ore .agi"al than he "o#ld ever have i.agined&

>

They rea"hed the walled "ity o! Feni"e at .idday on the !i!teenth day o! theirdepart#re !ro. Trent% and stood wat"hing in awe as the rays o! the bright s#n lit #p thedo.es and parapets and !ine "ivi" b#ildings% bathing the "ity in a so!t golden glow&

Other pilgri.s had told the. that the laws o! Feni"e prohibited entry #ntil !orty days

had passed to ens#re that disease did not enter also% b#t there were no 9#estioninggatekeepers here& The "ity gates stood open and a steady throng o! travellers were passinga"ross the bridge to disappear into its dark interior&

All were ad.itted& The lepro#s% the la.e and those% who Andre "o#ld see even in the"r#sh o! a "rowd% were stri"ken with !ever and shaking with ag#e&

The overhanging roo!s and bal"onies o! b#ildings halted the s#n's war. radian"eand they !elt the "hill o! stone and shadowed alleys as they .ade their way thro#ghnarrow streets stinking o! open sewers& They "rossed endless stone bridges "ongestedwith donkey "arts laden to over!lowing with vegetables and !reshly b#t"hered .eat andsho#ting% angry people% their eyes dark slits o! s#spi"ion as Andre's greetings went#nanswered& The "ity had long been .ired in wars with their neighbo#rs and the peoplehad be"o.e g#arded and #n!riendly&

Canals ran grey and stagnant between the "r#.bling b#ildings and s.all boats bobbed like "orks on the oily water& And shabby% painted wo.en% staring "old eyed !ro.haggard !a"es displayed their wares% li!ting their skirts to show s"rawny "alves and bony!eet% "alling o#t in ribald% wheedling voi"es& Christian's !a"e was rigid with horror&

They stopped and bo#ght bread with the last o! his wages and !o#nd a tree beside the"anal to rest& A drowned% bloated "ow !loated past% hal! rotted and "overed with !lies&Andre !elt his sto.a"h t#rn& /e hoped they "o#ld .ake their way to the harbo#r and aswi!t galley& )or all its brillian"e !ro. a!ar% there was so.ething deeply #npleasant abo#tthis b#stling% noisy pla"e&

+et there was bea#ty here also& The shining do.es

startaker: under the shadow of thy wings

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