simple steps to help you

IN A BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF A LAKE

Patrick and Ruth Schwenk

3 SIMPLE STEPS TO

HELP YOU

GET THROUGH

THIS

3 SIMPLE STEPS TO

HELP YOU

GET THROUGH

THIS

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January 17th, 2018 transformed our lives. It was the day

I (Patrick) heard the word cancer. “Would you spell that

for me?” I asked the nurse over the phone. My head was

already spinning. Heart pounding. I scribbled a word

that I had, until now, never heard before onto the only

scrap piece of paper I could find in our car. A word that

would turn our world upside down.

“It’s a type of blood cancer,” the nurse on the other line

finally said. “I am sorry.”

For nearly four months, I had known something was

wrong with my body. An infection in my ear that wouldn’t

heal. Increasing pain in my spine, arms and legs. Weak-

ening muscles. Until finally an MRI revealed a lesion deep

in my hip socket, near where it meets my pelvic bone.

The word “cancer” rattled around my brain like a pinball

bouncing back and forth, looking for a place to land. A

place to register. And then it dropped. Sinking into my

heart. Shredding everything in its path.

January 17th, 2018 transformed our lives. But it was also

a turning point for our lives.

That has been our story. But we know you have yours,

too. We are not experts on suffering. We don’t own the

corner on pain. We are fellow companions, limping along,


3 SIMPLE STEPS TO HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS

doing our best to keep our eyes on Jesus. We, too, are

taking it one step at a time.

All of us are suffering in some way, aren’t we? Each of our

trials are unique. For some, it is the loss of a loved one.

A disability. The revelation of an unfaithful spouse. The

loss of financial prosperity and security. A miscarriage.

And the list goes on.

We’d love to sit across the table from you. Listen to

you. Cry with you. Pray for you. And comfort you with

the same comfort we received from God (2 Corinthians

1:3-4). So this is our attempt to give you some direction,

right now, in the middle of your pain.

The title is a little misleading. After all, there is no “sim-

ple” way to get through suffering. There isn’t always a

clean and clear path. No formula. But depending on your

suffering, we also know you might need some clarity.

Something tangible to hold on to or look to when it

feels like everything is spinning. We want to lead you in

a direction. And more than anything, point you in the

direction of Jesus. With that said, here are three “simple”

steps to help you, right now, in the middle of your storm:

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1. TAKE YOUR HURT TO JESUS

Suffering not only comes with hurt, it comes with options.

One of the most dangerous things about suffering is that

we are tempted to take our hurt to the wrong person, or the

wrong place.

We might be tempted to take our pain and distract it with

entertainment or pleasure. Or maybe we might be tempted to

numb our pain with another pill, one more drink, or some other

addiction. The hurt can tempt us to give up, or give in to doubt,

which always leads to despair.

And so we would encourage you, first and foremost, take your

hurt to Jesus. Jesus is the only One who understands our

suffering, because he suffered for us.

The first step is to simply come. Just as we are. With all of the

hurt and fears and maybe even the bitterness. Keep coming. Take

another step toward Jesus. What does it look like practically to

come to Jesus?

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• It looks like staying in God’s Word every day. We’d

encourage you to keeping opening your Bible.

Even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when

you don’t feel like it. We found reading a chapter

of the Psalms a day to be helpful. Or reading

through one of the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke,

and John).

• It might look like buying a journal for memorizing

scripture. This is something we have done for

years. Each week, we write a new verse, an im-

portant truth, or promise, to be memorized. This

strengthens our faith no matter how we feel.

• It looks like staying on our knees in prayer. We

cry out to God, with honest and hopeful prayers.

We take our hurt, our pain, our fears, our doubts,

and our struggle to Jesus. Prayer is a means to

intimacy with God. And it’s in our prayers that

God speaks to us, loves us by listening to us, and

sustains us.

And so again, the first step is being with Jesus. Take your hurt

to him. Resist feeling like you have to do anything right now

and simply rest in knowing God is with you. And he loves you.

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2. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE

RIGHT PEOPLE

One of the things we discovered very quickly was that there

are two kind of friends: those who move toward your pain and

those who move away from it. There are many who might be

there for us initially, but as the crisis subsides, so does their

care. And there are friends who might genuinely love us, but

feel so uncomfortable or ill-prepared to help, that it’s easier to

stay distant.

So we have to resist feeling hurt in our hurt. We have to avoid

moving away from people, instead of toward them. We know

that suffering can often times cause us to withdraw. In our pain,

we might feel like it’s too hard to be around people. And while

this might be true at times, and in different stages of our hurt

and healing, it’s never where God wants us to stay. Staying

disconnected can be dangerous.

The writer of Proverbs in the Old Testament says it this way:

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out

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against all sound judgment.” (Proverbs 18:1) And so one of the

best steps we can take to get through our suffering is to invite

the right people in. We want to avoid “isolating” ourselves.

We say the “right people” on purpose. There are certainly plenty

of people that might want to surround you in your hurt. But it

takes wisdom to know who to say “yes” to and who to say “no”

to. We want people who genuinely care for us, encourage us,

and strengthen us. We want a person who is grounded in God’s

Word and can be the presence of Christ to us in our suffering.

And so right now, in the middle of your hurt, begin to surround

yourself with the right people. Here is how to begin:

• Call a friend or family member on a regular basis.

• Invite someone to meet with you regularly for

coffee, or lunch.

• Ask a friend to come over and pray with you, read

scripture over you, or simply just be with you.

• Reach out to a pastor, counselor, or therapist,

to walk alongside of you

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3. PERSEVERE

The third step we would encourage you to take is more of an

attitude. A perspective. A grit. We would tell you take this step,

and then another, and then another, and then another. In other

words, we would tell you to keep pressing on.

It’s amazing how many times the Bible tells us to “be patient”

or to “endure” or to “persevere.”

When the Apostle Paul was writing to young Timothy, he told

him be like a soldier, an athlete, and a farmer. He was telling

Timothy not to give up or give in. (2 Timothy 2:1-7)

• When Paul was writing to the church in Corinth,

he told them that when he was persecuted, his

response was to “endure it.” (1 Corinthians 4:12)

• Peter instructed Christians suffering wrong for

doing what was right, he encouraged them to

“endure.” (1 Peter 2:20)

• And the writer of Hebrews tells us that Jesus

“endured the cross” for us. We were the “joy”

set before him. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. This will not last.

There is hope. There is joy. Patiently persevere, keep close to

Jesus and surround yourself with the right people.

While we may never fully get over our pain, we can grow through

it. And how we feel today, will not be how we feel a year from

now, five years from now, or ten years from now. Our present

reality is not our final reality. We are pressing on with you. And

we are confident, God is too!

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