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My Shamanic Journey in Peru

In Search of Deeper Meaning

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Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

In Search of Deeper Meaning

Chapter 2

An Introduction to Sergio and the Sacred Plant Huachuma

Chapter 3

A Journal of Days 1-12

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Introduction

Since shamanism isn’t a well-known subject, I will attempt a generaldefinition here. I say attempt, because there are several different definitionsdepending on whom you ask. My favorite definition is from Lowell JohnBean and Sylvia Brakke Vane, “There is no consensus among scholars as toexactly what shamanism is.”i Scholars will always be limited by theircapacity to define shamanism, because shamanic rituals are designed tobring the practitioner to an experiential state of awareness that is hiddenfrom the outside observer. I have read countless anthropological studies ofindigenous tribes and plant medicine ceremonies that only observed theoutside appearance of such rituals. For an anthropologist to participate insuch rituals would weaken their credibility, so there is an impenetrable wallto any true understanding of shamanism without the experiences that defineit.

I can say though that after my recent experience with Huachuma in theSacred Valley of Peru, I feel closer to what shamanism means for mepersonally. And I still haven’t read a definition that encompasses myemotional experience of shamanism. Joan Halifax’s definition is at least alittle more inclusive to what I have observed, “Shamans are healers, seers,and visionaries who have mastered death. They are in communication withthe world of gods and spirits. Their bodies can be left behind while they flyto unearthly realms. They are poets and singers. They dance and createworks of art. They are not only spiritual leaders but also judges andpoliticians, the repositories of the knowledge of the culture’s history, bothsacred and secular. They are familiar with cosmic as well as physicalgeography. The ways of plants, animals and the elements are known to them.They are psychologists, entertainers, and food finders. Above all, however,shamans are technicians of the sacred and masters of ecstasy.” This is abroad definition, and still doesn’t cover the heart behind shamanism. Thepurpose of a shaman in indigenous tribes is to maintain the harmony andhealth of a tribe and the environment they live in. In contemporary times,they are facilitating the healing of our fears so that we can return to harmonyand heal the damage that we have caused to the earth through our greed.Much like a Bodhi Satva, they live in devotion and in service to the earthand her inhabitants.

From a religious perspective, shamans are perceived as evil or working withSatan. My own family is of Christian faith, so I have seen through their eyes.

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Yet I simply can’t see the evil in using sacred plants and spirits to help acommunity thrive in health and harmony. My own personal experientialdefinition of shamanism is forming into: the capacity and depth of activeemotional love that one has for self, community and the earth. At this point,I don’t even think this deems having a rattle or incantations to shift onesreality from fear to ecstatic love. With such a broad definition, the path ofshamanism opens to all of us and you might even say that not only is it aprofound opportunity, but it is our responsibility. This sense of responsibilityis what compelled me to find my plant and animal allies. And as I developmy relationship with them, my strength increases to deepen my path of loveand integrity.

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Chapter 1

In Search of Deeper Meaning

I think to speak to the word yearning would be a good place to start thedescription of my journey. Everyone can relate to the human emotion ofyearning. As a child, we yearn for connection to our mothers, to be heldconstantly and lovingly. As teenagers we yearn for puppy love and romance.As adults we yearn for our soul mate. Yet, in our culture, a shift occurs inour 30s. Because we are entrained to yearn accomplishment and progress,love sometimes takes a back seat. Marriages turn stale, we becomeresponsible parents, and the main focus of our lives becomes survival andsuccess. What happened to that deep yearning we had as infants andchildren? Is it supposed to just go away? Or does it mature into somethingelse? We came into this world knowing that our soul purpose of existence islove. Love is all we ever wanted, and the absence of love will continue to beour main source of suffering.

Now as adults, if we are sensitive enough to feel it, we seek another level oflove. We yearn for a spiritual connection with our creator: an experientialemotional connection with the essence of that which created us. Theevidence of this is the numerous religions and spiritual cults that the seekerstry to drink from, only to remain parched and devastated by the emptiness ofthe shallow philosophies of what God might be. But if we step a little deeperinto the emotion of our yearning, we begin to taste little morsels of the verything we are looking for. This is the very thing I did that started me on thisjourney.

My yearning has been with me throughout my whole life really. I could evensay that it has haunted me, stalked me. Something has always beenbeckoning me forward to reach for something, but what? Spiritual maturityis when we still ourselves long enough to feel this longing all the way to itssource. How do we touch this source? How do I relieve myself from thispainful longing? I have always felt nostalgic, homesick even. But then whereis home? If I am not from here, where am I from? Where is home? This isthe essence of my overall emotion that I have lived with my whole life. Ihave always wanted to literally go for an extended “walk about” until Iarrive, wherever that is. But where do I walk? Which direction? Whichspiritual path will take me to myself and offer a loving connection with thecreator within? I tried several different paths, read volumes of spiritual

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books, tried meditation, yoga, and searched for teachers. Shamanism alwaysdrew me closer in. It made me feel like I might be getting a little closer towhat I was thirsty for if I could just get a little deeper into it. I wanted tounderstand shamanism, learn its ways, and practice its magic. I learned fromevery shamanic teacher I could find whether it be from books or shamansthat were willing to teach. I was a sponge soaking up every drop of wisdom Icould find, and always remaining thirsty, famished even, for deeperexperiences of that unknown thing I was looking for. So have you gotten thegist of my suffering here? The joke of looking for something so desperately,without even knowing what it was that I was looking for? Perhaps some ofyou can relate? Surely this isn’t all that uncommon, but we never speakabout it.

So about 2 months before I left for Peru, I had reached a plateau of sortswith this search. I had had enough. It was time for a real dive, and I waswilling to do anything, kamikaze style. I had been working with the sacredteacher healer plant Ayauasca with some sensations of this being the rightdirection for me. Five years previous, I had a lovely experience withAyauasca in the jungle with a 90 year old Ayauasquero. I had a beautifulexperience with my animal totem and an overall sense of opening. I was“satisfied” with one journey even though 3 were offered. Then more recentlyworking with Ayauasca in the Santo Daime tradition, I experienced anotherside of the sacred vine. Death pretty much describes that experience. I don’tknow what died exactly, hopefully the stuff that needs to die, right? But thisplant was a bit intense for my style. My overall style is quite a bit moregentle. I was willing to endure intensity, but wanted more traction so I couldparticipate more in the experience of healing and expansion.

So it was when I was in the middle of my inner rock bottom that I cameupon an article on San Pedro. The article was about a woman in Cusco, Peruthat was practicing as a huachumera. This amazing sensation rippled throughmy body as I read voraciously the contents of this article. I was sure I washolding gold in my hands. When I finished the article, I went into thebathroom, and something stopped me dead in my tracks. I heard loud andclear that this was my medicine. This was my ally and my path. Within thissplit second, I saw someone walk by the door and assumed that my partnercame home. But when I came out, there was no one there. I felt permanentlyaltered though. Something very deep and strong was stirring in me.

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How could I explain any of this to anyone? Somehow, what ever it took, Ihad to get to Peru and find someone that could teach me the ways ofHuachuma. And this time, I didn’t want to learn in groups of 100. I felt thatmy heart had earned a real teacher that would believe in me and my potentialto give back to this earth what it gives us. You see, this yearning wasn’t justbased out of what I could “get”, or understand, or receive. My pain reallystemmed from having so much love to give to the Whole, with no outlet tochannel it through. I needed a tool, a partner, a bridge to emulate my passionand love for humanity. I did thoroughly love every healing session that I wasblessed and honored to facilitate, yet I wanted to give more, and take peopledeeper into themselves to a direct experience of the powerful unconditionallove that we are.

In reality, I have always had a secret fantasy of living on a dirt floorsomewhere in the mountains, apprenticing with a shaman: one-on-onetraining. I wanted to allow a master to take me to my limits, and to learn thereal magic of the heart. But where are our medicine men? The NativeAmericans have fewer medicine men now than they ever had. And eventhen, it is only on rare occasions that they are available to the white race. Inever really gave up hope on this dream of mine, even though the possibilitywas stark. This search for my teacher came from the depths of my heart. Iprayed through screaming tears for my heart to be heard. I was no longerwilling to take no for an answer. So it was up to me to listen and allowmyself to be guided to my teacher. My search ended in a simple few wordsin a classified add in the back of the magazine I had read. The ad read“Powerful, ecstatic, deep healing San Pedro ceremonies at the ancient Incaruins and Power Places of the Sacred Valley of Peru. Serious work forsincere and mature people.” “Perfect,” I thought: a simple modest ad askingfor a sincere heart. No full-page ad for a $5,000 journey to Peru offering ashamanic journey mostly consisting of sight seeing. This was an honestintegral being. I felt it in my bones. I contacted him immediately via emailand shared with him my interest in working with him. He first asked whatmy intentions were and responded as follows:

“Hello Kelly,Thank you for your description. You sound sincere and prepared for thework I do. But let me tell you just a little more about it so you will have abetter picture of what I do.I am Huachumero of the Chavin Mesa, dedicated to deep healing andspiritual enlightenment. I work with Huachuma only as a Master plant, and

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two of Huachuma allies and helper plants.Huachuma is the original name of this divine cacti, which was in use herelong before it has been called San Pedro.Huachuma is the medicine of Truth, Clarity and Love and when it is handledright, with knowledge and respect, it can penetrate as deep as ocean flows,healing deepest wounds, bringing clarity to your needs to understand thethings you want. With clarity comes understanding, with understanding -healing.The spirit of this plant is noble, kind, loving. It knows what you need, and itwill guide you gently to where you need to go. Huachuma is the medicine ofHere and Now and it begins from understanding our Humanness and ourlives and then, when soul gets healed, the body's healing follows.Facing your fears is unavoidable and a necessary step to a deep holistichealing. And ultimately it is a little price we pay for the healing and claritywe get, learning only later, that we have been paying nothing, since fear it'sonly an illusion, which melts under light of understanding like snow meltingunder sun.We doing Mesa in the morning and right after drinking, we going out intoNature or sacred sites and power places connecting deeply to our hearts andthru the hearts to energetic fields of sacred sites and Mother Earth. Wemerging with the Whole in silence until the sunset and then returning hometo close the Mesa and everyone is free. We spend together 9-10 hours inevery ceremony.There is a different way to work with different people and usually with thebeginners we do ceremonies every other day, so they can rest between. Forthose with whom I've worked before, we going deeper, more intense andtaking medicine two- three-four days in the row, and then few days we rest.The medicinal work it's not an overnight quick fix. It is a process whichrequires time, and the more medicine you take, the deeper it goes..Each ceremony it is a built up on the top of the previous one and you alwaysstart from the place you left, regardless of the time passed.I don't make contracts, don't take upfront fees. I base my work on theintegrity and trust.I can continue describing indescribable, but better if I would try to answersome of your questions if you have any.

Best wishes from the Sacred Valley..Sergio

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“I base my work on integrity and trust.” This is all I needed to hear. I didn’teven explore his website. I had a hit that this was the guy. No more researchwas needed. I didn’t know how old he was, where he was from, or howmany years of experience he had. I just knew that he was the one to workwith. Now mind you, there was plenty of doubt that seeped in now and then.This is when I noticed the amount of self-doubt I had. I second-guessedmyself several times from the time I bought the ticket to Peru all the way upto the airplane ride over. Abolishing my self-doubt became my first priorityand point of focus for the trip. I felt that it was a significant source of myweakness in my personal and professional life. Well, you know what theysay, “be careful of what you ask for.”The first 24 hours was the most intense initiation of my life. I literally wentthrough the ring of fire.

The perfect synchronicities lined themselves up for me. A friend of minewas bringing a group to Peru the same time I was going to arrive in Cusco. Itwas a group of new age healers and psychics that had been traveling togetherfor about a week and bonded through their experiences at the sacred sitestogether. I was joining them just for a day to be present for a ceremony thatwas being held by one of the most respected shamans in Peru. From the veryfirst moment of meeting each other, several members of the group feltthreatened by me. They were taken by surprise that I was joining them. Onewoman came right up to me and made it clear that I was trespassing and shedidn’t appreciate it. So I thought I would just remain quiet and respectful oftheir space by staying in the background (I was also going on this trip to healmy fear of being seen). One thing led to another and two of the most psychicand respected women there began to psychically attack me. They projectedtheir fear on me and spread a flaming rumor that I was so dark that it waspainful to be just a few yards away from me. The group colluded. It seemsthat they took a vote, and the majority (7 out of 10) insisted that I wascarrying bad energy. The “master trackers” concluded that it must be thehuachumero I was coming to visit. They said I was being naïve and that theshaman I flew all the way to Peru to see was a black magician and that hewas going to take advantage of me when I would be vulnerable on themedicine. They said he already had his hooks in me and that I was in seriousphysical danger. The main psychic said it was too painful to be around me.Her friend was even wiping herself off every time we passed each other.Boy did I feel ignorant and dirty.

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What they were predicting isn’t that uncommon really. My friend was trulyconcerned about my safety and told me stories of how some shamans dosethe medicine too strong, bring women to sexual orgasm, place their salivaunder her tongue, and they become hooked energetically always comingback for more. This sounded pretty severe. Here I was traveling alone to atown I have never been to in a foreign country with no one around to help ifI needed. They thought I was ignorant and naïve not to check his referencesand gather more information about this guy. That has never been my way. IfI get an intuitive hit on something, I follow it like a shooting arrow. I’msomewhat known for making dramatic, rash decisions, but what if this onebecame the end of me? Naturally, I second guessed my own intuition andexplored the possibility that maybe I was in total denial of this path ofdanger and possibly even energetically sick or out of balance for thesepeople to have such a strong response to my “heavy energy”.

Late that night we arrived at the ceremonial site, high up in the mountains.This is what I had hoped to be a fulfillment of one of my most sacreddreams: to be in ceremony with an authentic shaman, pouring our prayers oflove, gratitude and harmony back into the earth. There was just one glitch. Ifwe ourselves weren’t in harmony, then how could we vibrate or emote ourprayers authentically in the ceremony? We had to clear this tension beforestarting the ceremony. I tried to approach the main woman that was so angrywith me, and she protested, “I’m not talking to you.” That is when I spokewith my friend who was the guide and he informed me of the consensus. Wedecided to come together as a group to discuss what to do.

I stood before the fire, and the group stood in a half circle facing me on theother side. They demanded to know why I was there and what my intentionswere. So, here are fear numbers 1, 2, and 3 on my list being addressed withinthe first 24 hours of my trip: fear of public speaking, being seen, and self-doubt. Since the group had already made up their mind about me, I guess Ihad nothing to lose, so I wasn’t all that nervous. I spoke to the courage andpassion that I came to Peru with and why I wanted to be there with theShaman that I had worked with in the past. The group concluded that mydark energy was affecting the crowd too much and that I had to get a healing(limpia in Spanish for cleanse) from the shaman before I could continue withthe group.

I had always wanted a private session with this particular shaman, but notunder these circumstances! It was the most humiliating moment of my life.

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A few of the local male villagers were there to witness the “gringa” (whitechick) getting healed. The shaman put his poncho over me and asked me topull my pants down and squat over the stone I was standing on. Thisaddressed fear number 4 being my excruciating modesty. After the limpia,the group welcomed me and became extra sugary sweet. The psychic said,“it’s gone now”, which meant she could allow me to be in her vicinity. Itturned out that there wasn’t a tent or a sleeping bag available for me to use,so I slept in the van with the driver. The temperature reached below freezingand I didn’t have a winter jacket or a blanket. Needless to say, I didn’t sleepthat night. It was brutally cold. Thanks to the kindness of the driver, he gaveme his own blanket at about 5 in the morning so I could defrost enough toget some skin color back.

The next day, we endured 12 more hours together hiking, ceremony, and avery long bus ride back to Cusco. The air was so palpably thick you couldhave sliced it up with a knife. Happiness became a faintly familiar feeling asI got closer to my hotel room. I’m pretty sure this was the most traumatizedstate I had experience, but looming more heavily was facing the decision tocontinue to the Sacred Valley to work with this potentially dangerousshaman. Should I just go back home? Who do I trust, me or the 10 of them?The more time I spent in my room away from them, the more clarity Igained. I also called my partner to get some kind of neutral reflection onwhat took place. This grounded me and I saw that fear and doubt was myemotional storm, and the eye of the storm held clarity. I landed in my coretruth. In my religion, light and dark are defined as love and fear. The groupwas clearly coming from fear and jealousy, and I knew where my heart was.If anything it was a little too loving and open with them. The illusionshattered. The rest of the evening, I emoted deeply felt prayers for the truthof my heart to be heard by all.

The next morning, I felt alive, vivacious, strong, and clear as a bell as towhere I was going. I was dissolving my self-doubt and choosing self-trust.My prayers must have been heard, because that morning several peopleapproached me and apologized for colluding with the collective. They wereheart felt apologies, none of which I needed or expected, but it meant a lot tome.

It turned out that my friend who led the group had a friend in Coya thatworked with a fabulous huachumero. Out of concern he suggested that Iconsider working with him instead. He made a phone call right then and

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there and discovered that it was the same shaman I was going to see. Theillusion was further shattered and the synchronicity of the “set up” moreobvious.

I called Sergio and he had driven to Cusco to give me a ride to the SacredValley, so I walked to the town square to meet him. That walk is foreveretched in my memory. It was a moment I had waited for my whole life. I hadmade it through the first test, and now I was ready to go through anythingand claim my fruit, very trainable indeed.

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Chapter 2

An Introduction to Sergio and the Sacred Plant Huachuma

I waited at the Plaza de Armas in Cusco where Sergio and I agreed to meet. Ihadn’t seen a picture of him, so I didn’t know what he looked like or if heeven knew what I looked like. I secretly hoped he would have long blackhair with a plumed caballero hat. I assumed we would just know each otherwithin seconds of eye contact. Come to find out he saw my picture on mywebsite, so it wasn’t difficult to spot the only gringa rubia (white blondechick) in the town square. He walked up to me with a big open smile. Thisimmediately gave me a strong sense of his integrity.

Integrity became the dominant theme of our journey together. I was blownaway by his integrity and even formulated a new definition of integrity formyself. I will expand on that later. We sat at a café for an hour to get toknow one another and created an overall intention for our work together. Ishared the experience I had just had with the group, and how my self-doubthad already begun to deconstruct. I was open about my fears and expressedthat I was there to heal and release my fears that kept me from giving moreto my professional and personal life. He said that, “it takes courage to admitto and face your fears.”

On the car ride to the Sacred Valley, his enthusiasm was contagious. Hereminded me of a 6 year old on Christmas Eve. It was evident how much heloved his work. He asked me to list my fears. The main ones were thoselisted in the previous chapter: being seen, public speaking, self-doubt, andmodesty. Then he began to question me on phobias. That had never occurredto me. I kind of always thought of phobias as an incurable disposition,definitely last on the list of things to heal. I admitted to my fear of heightswith a queasy apprehension. He explained, “Fear is fear. The feeling you

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have when speaking in front of 100 people is the same feeling you havewhen you are in a high place. You can work on one fear and it can dissolveothers in the process, because they are all interconnected.” That wassomewhat encouraging.

Upon driving into the town where Sergio lived, there was a 20 ft statue of amountain lion, a puma baring his teeth. It is the spirit guardian of the SacredValley. “Very suspicious,” I thought. Puma is my main animal totem. I toldSergio that the shamans in Peru always call me, “Pumita”. “That’s becauseyour animal totem is puma,” he said. “But your inner strength is repressed inyou. We will call for the puma spirit to help you to release your own pumafrom within” The idea of letting my inner cat run free excited me to no end.

After settling into my room at the hostel, I joined Sergio and his wife fordinner at their house. His wife and mother- in-law made me a deliciousdinner of soup, salad, and a Peruvian dish of rice, meat and potatoes. To beso nurtured had me too choked up with emotional gratitude to eat much oreven converse much. It felt like coming home. I don’t mean the physicallocation, or the people I was with. I mean home within myself. The words ofthanks never did make their way out that night. “No words,” is all I couldmutter.

That night, I pondered my fears and tried to imagine how I could possiblyconquer my list of fears in just 10 ceremonies. What was to happen betweennow and then? And who is this guy?

Sergio’s own journey was definitely an expedited track. It was only 18months previous that he received his shamanic initiation. He too had ayearning his whole life, looking for that something that was true and real.After being consistently disappointed in other spiritual paths, shamanismseemed to have the most potential for truth to be revealed to him. His searchbrought him to the sacred teacher, healer plants: ayauasca, peyote, andhuachuma.

It was in Mexico with reputable Huichol peyoteros that he received hisinitiation. His story is best described in his own words:

“In November of 2008, on my sixth visit to Mexico, I was stung twice by aBark Scorpion during the Peyote ceremony. I was stung once on each leg,about three inches below my genitals. For the next 18 hours I lay on the

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ground in burning agony, completely paralyzed. There were just two of us inthe mountains at this time.

The shaman kept his cool and said that panicking would not help my bodyfight the venom. My heart was beating rapidly. I felt the venom circulatingthrough me, gradually moving higher in my body. I tried to relax but feltvery ill and laid down on my sleeping bag. I couldn't open my eyes, Icouldn't swallow my saliva, and I couldn't move even one part of my body.Waves of self-pity swept through me.

The shaman said that there was nothing he could do to get the venom out ofmy body, and that focusing on negative possibilities would only make itworse. He said that acceptance was my only choice. He put his pipe in mymouth and said that smoking would help to pass the time.

The condition was getting worse with each passing hour. All that I had leftwas praying for relief, making this a long and very difficult night. My entirelife passed before my mind, and things were revealed to me that I didn'twant to see.

I was waiting for the morning sun to warm me. Even though it was a hot andsunny day, I had my jacket on, and I was wrapped in a sleeping bag only twofeet away from the fire, I felt terribly cold. I wished to disappear, to forgetmyself completely, to go unconscious, to wait somewhere in the busheswhile my body got through it, but the medicine kept me awake.

There was a moment when I saw the venom as an invitation to death. But tofollow through the tunnel of death—or to stay alive—that was the choice.

I thought that death is only partly caused by illnesses; the “giving up” on lifeis actually the thing that makes it final. The choice was mine; I could give upon life and go, or I could fight for it and stay.

My will to live proved stronger. I started to move my fingers, then my head.A few hours later I was able to roll onto my knees and sit for severalminutes. Hours later, closer to evening, I tried to stand up. That was scary,because I discovered my body would not obey me. It no longer knew how tomove, how to see or how to speak. In a panic I thought that even if Isurvived, I might stay like this forever.

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I tried to open my eyes for a few seconds at a time, but my vision wasdistorted and I couldn't focus. I asked for water but my words were garbled.It was several more hours before I was able to stand up and actually walk afew feet with the help of a wooden stick. It made me think about thechallenges of old age, and how the life force gradually deserts the body,leaving it with only a wish to die.

The second night was both difficult and restless. The third night finally gaveme some hope, along with a lot of things to think about.”

Shortly after this initiation, Sergio moved to Peru to continue to walk hisspiritual path, serving his main Teacher plant Huachuma. He has concludedthat, “A shaman isn’t a shaman without a plant ally. A shaman without aplant ally is like a musician without his instrument. All he can do is talkabout his music.” This is something I was quite familiar with and speaksdirectly to my quest to go deeper.

Plant medicine isn’t necessarily for everyone. It takes some kind ofpreparation to be at peace with yourself, so you can trust the medicine. Ifyou are in resistance to your inner conflicts, you won’t be inclined to trustthe medicine. The sacred plant medicines are actually magnified mirrors foryou to see yourself in the reflection of self-honesty. Denial, suspicion, fearand resistance will clutter the experience and the fruits of your journey willbe stifled. ‘’What you see in the medicine, depends on the content of yourheart, if your heart is carrying monsters, then monsters are what you willsee,’’ Sergio explained.

The positive attribute of Huachuma is that it is a very loving and gentlespirit. Sergio refers to him as a loving Grandfather. If you are in rightrelationship with the sacred plant – appreciation, respect, and openness, itwill reflect your sincerity by healing your insecurities and fears. Then it willfurther show you how to grow strong and fulfill your soul purpose. Sufferingbecomes optional. Healing can be gentle, subtle, even pleasant. Even someof the most painful, deep set wounds can be gently dislodged by Huachuma.The only foundation required is trust. If you trust Huachuma and yourhuachumero, I believe you can accomplish 10 years of psychotherapy worthof healing in just a few sessions. That is of course if psychotherapy is evenhealing at the source of the wounds. There is much debate on this subject.But I have personally witnessed in my healing practice that changingsomeone’s dysfunctional behavior or dispensing antidepressants doesn’t

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actually cure the root cause of an emotional dysfunction. Shamanism and theteacher, healer plants are designed for this very thing.

I don’t have experience with Peyote, and not enough experience withAyauasca to speak comparatively about the 3 sacred plants. So this mediumwill focus on Huachuma. I chose this plant, because it is more subtle, andgentle, much like my own nature. I chose Sergio as my huachumero becausehe is also gentle and gradual with the way he doses the medicine. He saidthat his own teachers were powerful shamans but their ways were tough. Hefelt that he could have gone deeper if his process could have been moregradual. Now one of his specialties is to produce a gradual take off and asmooth landing –day to day and week to week. This helped me feel safe andtrusting to open to the medicine, a very significant component.

It is very important to use discernment when choosing a huachumero/a.Sergio explained to me that the medicine man is literally infused within hismedicine. You are drinking him as much as you are drinking the spirit of theplant. This is why the integrity of the intention of the huachumero isimperative for true progress and opening. A healer that is motivated bygreed, for example, will heed shallow results in contrast to a healer that ismotivated by service, love and compassion.

To get more familiar with the sacred teacher healer plant huachuma, I wouldlike for Sergio’s description to be included here. It is thorough as well aspersonal:

“From ancient times the indigenous people of South America have used apsychoactive visionary plant for healing and divination; Huachuma, laterknown as San Pedro, a Cactus of Four Winds, native to high Andes of Peru.

Archaeological evidence has been found that points to the use of Huachumasince 1400 b.c.e. This sacred medicine is a portal to a different reality, onethat is invisible in ordinary states of consciousness.

Huachuma like Peyote, also known as Hikuri, and few other very specialTeacher-Healer plants, has its own intelligence and powers beyond belief.The spirits of these plants are benevolent and kind in their essence, althoughthey can also teach a lesson to those who approach them with disrespect.

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A well-prepared Huachuma tea usually produces a ten to twelve hour,magical, intense and ecstatic journey.

Attempting to further describe the experience in words would be like tryingto describe the smell of a flower, a sensation that can only be realized bysmelling the flower your self.

It is important to come to Grandfather Huachuma with an open heart, respectand pure intention. Right motives might include a need for healing, a searchfor guidance, clarity, and understanding, and strength to put them intopractice.

The medicine can lead you to your Totems - your guiding animals and allies- and can teach you both to communicate and learn from them.

There are different techniques for preparation of Huachuma. Working withdifferent shamans can be revealing, since each shaman has his own uniquerelationship with the spirit of the plant.

Shamanism is not a religion, but rather a practice based upon use of sacredplants for spiritual purposes.

If you feel like this is the Path for you, and you are willing to explore andconnect to the land, to the hearts and minds of ancient people….”

Now before I share with you my personal experiences with Sergio and hismedicine, I would like to offer my personal definition of Huachuma comingfrom a western mind. The western mind finds animism* to be a very abstractconcept to embrace. I can relate to this mindset, because I struggled with itthroughout my entire shamanic training. I accepted that spirits exist, butnever experienced it as directly as what shamans say they experience andsee. Huachuma bridged that gap for me.

Huachuma is literally, not metaphorically, a plant spirit. It is not a drug.There is a huge misconception that plant medicines are simplyhallucinogens. Teacher healer plant medicines are healing because there isan intelligent being within the plant that is actively loving and knowingexactly what and how our blocks can be healed. What an enormous gift wehave growing right out of the ground!

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Huachuma is designed specifically by our creator to connect us to theunbearable beauty of life so we can realize the enormous gift that it is to liveon this earth. It provides a bridge for us to experience deeply lovingrelationships with all of it. This is why we have been given our 6 + senses.Huachuma simply dissolves the numb blocks around our heart so we canfeel.

Western society in particular has mastered numbness and distraction. It startswith ignorant parenting, thus childhood wounds. These wounds hurt, and wehave become masters at suppressing feeling the pain of our wounds. Firstlyby building a dense protective wall around our heart, and secondly bydistracting ourselves from presence with television, computers, radio,phones, etc… And through all of this we are missing out on why we arereally here, missing the whole purpose of existence and meaning. The giftsof life are just lying around wasting. What a sad revelation this is.

The common thread of every single client I have ever worked with is thatthey are thirsty for love. Whatever the symptom they came for: addiction,depression, or illness, the core root cause of every wound is a deep yearningfor the love that they never received, and innately know that they shouldhave. The American culture has a long list of dysfunctions that reveal whereour wounds come from; hospital births, unwanted pregnancies, inappropriatediscipline, condescending parenting, abusive parenting, broken romances,rejection from school kids…. The list goes on. Our mind turns theseexperiences into self-doubt, self-hatred, and fear, all being one in the same.This fear blocks us from receiving love from each other and our creator;hence, the thirsty fish syndrome. We thirst for love, while we are swimmingin it.

The single most common block to healing emotional trauma is denial andunwillingness to feel. The magic of healing is feeling. This is one of the giftsthat Huachuma has to offer.

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Chapter 3

A Journal of My Shamanic Journey

Day 1

From the first moment I met Sergio in the Plaza de Armas, our conversationswere immediately lively and deep. It didn’t take long for our conversationsto get into the meat of things. Even throughout our moving about, fromhotel, to car, to restaurant, to point of destination, our conversations wereenthralling and passionate. The predominant mood was that of excitementfor life and living fully. Sergio is an all or nothing kind of guy. “Half way isno way,” he says. “Living fully - means embracing your life, engaging in it,dealing with difficulties, not running from them or hiding yourself behinddenial, alcohol, drugs or just as toxic - antidepressants, which are not curingthe cause of the illness but rather suppressing the symptoms… These are theconsequences of carrying around your fear,” he jettisons. I was having flashbacks of some of those little moments of fear that I would have of leavingmy body at my time of transition and regretting the sorrow of leaving mylife behind without its reason for existence being experienced and fulfilled.

Part of my own mission has been to realize meaning in my own life and helpothers realize their own personal meaning. Sergio suggested that we givemeaning to our lives in terms of how we decide to live it – giving 100% anddoing your best as an offering of gratitude.

His general tone is much like a tirade, which makes every word morepiercing. He shared with me how others who approached him seeking ashamanic teacher were more interested in past lives, body doubles, astraltravel, or enlightenment through ascent. “His general tone is much like atirade, which makes every word more piercing. He shared with me howothers who approached him seeking a shamanic teacher were moreinterested in past lives, body doubles, astral travel, or enlightenment throughascent. “And even though many things are possible” he said, “this is notwhere the true shamanic path should lead you. Shamanism is all about life,learning to live your human life like a warrior, fearlessly, courageously,responsibly, with love, compassion, dignity and honor, with understanding,appreciation and respect to all Life. And sacred plants are here to help us onthat journey. Our lives were given to us as a gift, and living it half way,would show disrespect to our Giver. I see a lot of people who are giving

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more importance to life after death than they give to life before death. Theycare about the astral body more than they care about their physical body.And they think of immortality when in fact, they can’t fully live a day.´´

Up to this point, I thought I was doing pretty good on my spiritual path, butthe truth of the matter was that I have struggled with loving living my wholelife. I have been in agonizing conflict with the injustices in our society andthe inequalities throughout every myth and structure that we are founded on.I had allowed the sorrow for the Native American genocide, the massivedestruction of our earth, and the widespread child abuse across the globe tonumb my own capacity to enjoy my life. This certainly put my goals for theupcoming two weeks into perspective.

That night I had a dream of what would be up for healing tomorrow. It wasas if the spirit of Huachuma was already with me and preparing me for myfirst lesson. The dream was intense and familiar, because it was the mainreoccurring nightmare that I have consistently had through my adult life. Butthis time, it wasn’t scary, just informative.

Day 2

One of the most striking memories of my time in Peru is the first time I sawSergio’s mesa. A mesa consists of a shaman’s power objects and talismans.My previous exposure to mesas was of the portable small kind that the IncanQ’ero carry. The stones in an Incan mesa are used as khuyas, the quechuaword for healing stones. The khuyas are folded into a mastana (cloth), whichforms a mesa the size of a phone book. Sergio’s mesa took up half of theroom. It was imposing both in appearance and strength. The previous daywhen I took a walk in the neighborhood, I played a little game to see if Icould feel where he lived. Sure enough, I was able to locate where he livedby feeling his mesa. It was palpable even from the street. Still, I hadn’t

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imagined nearly the magnitude of its power, pulse, and beauty. It wasevident that Sergio infused life, power, and meaning into every object, andthey all worked together to support and protect Sergio’s ceremonies. Themesa continues to teach me just by its mere existence.

The fist day of ceremony was very gentle and healing. I started out on onecup of his lightest medicine that he had prepared specifically for mysensitive tendencies. Ayauasca always puts me out within the first 5 minutes,but this medicine took a couple of hours to unravel. It was very gradual andsubtle. This did not diminish the clarity.

Our point of destination for the day was at the river about 10 minutes awayfrom his house. He suggested we take his motorcycle to save on cab faire.Another one of my hidden fears got a little triggered, so I took him up on hisoffer. If you can visualize this image for a moment: me on the back of amotorcycle with a shaman driving me to meet my limitations. It turned outto be fun, and I was giggling the whole way at the ludicrousness and humorof the moment. “If my son could only see me now,” I thought.

As the medicine began to unfold, I felt a warming in my heart. Then therewas a very gentle sensation of meeting up with an old friend. I felt thewords, “the creator created us to work together. Open to me. Allow me to beyour ally. With mutual respect and trust, we will work together peacefully.”This established the foundation of my relationship with the spirit ofHuachuma. Like all relationships, it is to be nurtured with continuousappreciation and trust. I realized then that feeling safe in the hands ofHuachuma opened my heart to its wisdom. It even felt as if my capacity tofeel gratitude toward this teacher equally enhanced his access to healing myheart. As Sergio has said, “Gratitude cleanses the soul.”

The first lesson from Huachuma was an answer to one of the first items thatI had emailed Sergio about wanting assistance with. I wanted to integrate myoverall shamanic perceptual state with physical reality; my human life, here,now. The gap between the two had always been a source of suffering for me.The merging came from a gentle guidance for me to allow fully my innerrealms of understanding, and to infuse it into my human body and how Irelate to this place. This may seem very abstract or foreign, but it held agreat deal of meaning to me. It was a confirmation that Huachuma heard meand understood me.

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The second lesson is very personal, but I will share what I can. Images of mychildren came forth from the background. I gained an emotionalunderstanding that family is priority and that my children need more timewith me. As guilt immediately set in, Huachuma gently showed me why Iwasn’t fully available to my children. He explained that my heart wasprotected by wounds that came from my intense childhood. He asked me toforgive and love my father so I could heal my fear and protective shell. Ialmost protested, “But how can I possibly do that?” His response was to putmy father as a newborn baby into my arms to hold and nurture. In thisinstant, the tears began to flow. He was so precious and innocent as a baby,with only good intentions in his heart. I saw a review of his life that madehim into the hardened man that I grew up with. This gave me understandingand compassion for him. Love and forgiveness followed. This was a deephealing, all in a little moment. I was sitting in the rain and shaking from thecold. Sergio came up to give me warm tea. I felt so nurtured and protected. Ittook some effort to receive that much.

When I gained some physical stability, I went to the river’s edge. Then Ireceived lessons from the feminine belly of mother earth. I never fullyembraced my role as a housewife or full time mother. So here I was learningfrom our mother, whom I have always called “our greatest teacher ofunconditional giving and unconditional love.” My attention was pulled tothe rushing flow of the river. The wisdom impressed me into this translation,“The river bubbles and abundantly flows joyously as a mother must for herfamily. This is the hearth of giving and nurturing. It comes from an abundantflow within that you receive, simply by allowing it. To receive and give fullyis to embrace your female role. That is the natural flow of nature.” I receivedanother precious healing in a simple moment. Any previous resistance I hadto being female dissolved. I can’t imagine a psychiatrist even touching thesubject.

Upon our return to the mesa, I could feel it even stronger while on themedicine. Sergio honored me by taking me to a new member of his mesa. Itwas an Andean Eagle that had called upon him for assistance. It had died ofpoisoning by farmers. Sergio’s emotion was deeply touching as heperformed a purifying ritual to assist the spirit of the eagle. Honestly, thebeauty of his love for this creature hit me deep. He said to me with a quiverin his voice, “This eagle lived as a warrior and died as a warrior. He was agood hunter. He could starve himself to death, but then he wouldn’t be aneagle. He lived and died according to his nature. He was chosen to die to be

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in service to my mesa, and with great honor I have received him with asincere apology for his death.” If that isn’t unbearable beauty, I don’t knowwhat is.

Later as we closed the mesa of our first ceremony, his black cat Leo curledup in my lap and purred. Sergio imparted these words, “Life is a constantchoice between love and fear, between light and darkness, and if you are notserving the Light, standing for truth, doing what’s right and living accordingto your conscience, then you are serving the darkness even unknowingly. Itis a choice between heaven and hell. Heaven and hell is here. You createeither one for yourself and for others.”

Day 3

Last night I had another dream to prepare me for the work to come on thisday. It was related to another aspect of healing the feminine. This wasperfectly appropriate as we were going to Urcu, which was a near by huaca(power place) and fertility site. Sergio dosed me with one and a half cups.Again it came on very gradual as I sat alone in a hut above the fertility site.Being enclosed and protected by the rain was reminiscent to a womb. Sergiowas in a hut next to the one I was in. I experienced intense waves of feelingvulnerable, so feeling his protective strength near by anchored me in safety.It was this safety that brought on the healing of the day.

A specific hidden wound came up that completely surprised me. It was awound that I had swept under the rug and left to die many years ago. Themedicine cared too much to leave it there. The memory was lifted from itsgrave to my awareness, and it was reframed into a non-judgmental, matter offact, observation of how it has weakened my body and soul. The clarity was

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hard to accept, but as I did, the pain of it lifted and transformed in to amantra that I repeatedly whispered out loud, “My body is sacred. My body ismine. Mine, sacred.” I wept through this mantra as I felt for the first timesuch reverence for my body and the precious little girl that had been stifledby her pain. Then a surge of strength came through me as I felt an innerimage of a winged cat. I stood with a conviction to live, express, and protectour sacred birth rites. This was a brilliant soul retrieval. I was highlyimpressed with this sacred teacher healer plant.

Later in the day, there were two Q’ero holding ceremony with a small group.I was surprised to see a Peruvian healer there that I had received a privatesession from 5 years ago in Cusco. The synchronicity was baffling, becausethis site was not usually populated with visitors, and this was the healer thatasked me to take my clothes off during my session with him. He said thehealing would be more effective that way. Of course I refused and laterreported him, but the timing of running into him on a day that I reclaimedmy body was uncanny.

When we returned to the mesa that evening, Sergio closed with, “Never takeanything that isn’t yours. But when something is given to you that is yours,grab it like an eagle does with its talons.”

Day 4

Sergio increased my dose to two cups. The effect was strong, but the level oftrust that the 3 of us had developed kept me open and willing for anything.We walked in the rain to spend the day at the river. We ended up spendingmost of the day talking. Most of our conversation evolved around relativetruth vs. absolute truth. I concluded for myself that the only absolute truth isLove. I asked Sergio if he believed in God. He replied after a sincere ponder,“If God is Love, I have it. If it is not, then I don’t need it. He added, “If youare not living your life from your heart, what will self-realization orawakening mean for you? To realize your self or to be awake means first ofall to know and to understand yourself, and live accordingly to that. We arerealizing ourselves by doing what we love, like a musician realizes himselfthrough playing music. It is a process of self-growth. How can others helpyou realize yourself when it is always a realization of the self? At best,others can only inspire you on your path. This is a big misconception sharedbetween spiritual seekers. They are looking up to their spiritual teachers with

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a hope to be given by them that which is found only inside. That is whatsacred Teacher-Healer plants can show you from the start, by showing youyourself, your strengths and your weaknesses, your bridges and blocks toyour own potential. Then you can go from there, building your life on a solidfoundation. What kind of awakening is there if man is neither sensitive,receptive, nor spiritually mature? To me it is all-inclusive, fromunderstanding and connecting to the spiritual nature of all things, to anawareness of the daily life reality we live in, merging with the whole and yetremaining sovereign. It's knowing who you are and what you want. It'sknowing how to discern between good and evil. It's carrying for otherhuman beings, for animals and plants, for our planet. To be awake is seeingthrough the lies and acting according to your conscience. It's knowing whatyou know and knowing what you don't, and when you don't, you areremaining open and letting new things come in. It's being adequate andjustice in any situation. It's striving for peace, and yet being ready to diefighting for your freedom, truth and love. Awakening is many things and thelist continues to expand as we grow.”

I continue to learn from the mesa. I see it as a mirror of Sergio. His growthin authentic power is evident in the progression of his mesa. It has grownover the years to reflect the meaning that he has applied to his life. His heartand emotional connection to each object actually gives it life. Most of thebirds, wings and feathers called him to them to heal them and invoke them toserve. Sergio lamented, “I would prefer to see them fly.” I can only imaginethe energetic contrast of a mesa built from hunted animals vs. volunteers thatare honored and cared for.

One of the purposes of the mesa and talismans is to protect against blackmagic and psychic attacks made out of jealousy or mal intentions. He wearsa large jaguar tooth around his neck for protection during ceremony. Duringone of his ceremonies, his tooth shattered. He knew that it took the damagefor him from an energetic dart. His story offers a severe example of howintention carries a great deal of power:

“It was when I just moved to Peru. I went around to drink huachuma withdifferent shamans and saw that most of them worked at entry level and somewere mainly salesmen selling sacred medicine merely for profit.

During 4 years of my traveling to Peru, prior to moving, my work wasmainly in the Central Andes, where one of my teachers currently lives. But

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my destiny was in the Sacred Valley, to which I came with my twoCalifornian cats.

In one ceremony in one of the ancient ruins, I was sitting on one of thewalls, when I suddenly saw a flash of something very fast that flew into mychest. What followed was the popping of my Jaguar tooth. The very fistthought I had is that it was a rock thrown at me by someone, but no one wasthere to do that. We were on the top of the mountain. For a moment I wasshocked. I was wondering how this could be possible and watched my mindtrying to tell me that this was just a hallucination, but an exploded Jaguartooth was too stubborn of a proof for me to deny it. I couldn’t believe that apsychic power could be so influential on physical matter. This was a psychicarrow shot out at me by a jealous shaman, who saw me as a possiblecompetitor. This was a malevolent act, as all witchcraft really is. Jealousy isa powerful negative energy. When it is combined with shamanic knowledgeand evil intention, it is intensified and can be formed into an energetic arrowor bullet. The shaman then by will can release and aim the arrow towards histarget regardless of the physical distance between them.

I have heard similar stories before but always remained neutral to them,since I couldn't either prove or disprove the reality behind them. Now, it hashappened to me and it was a very intense sensation when it flew into me (ortowards me). I had a few shamans in mind who were strong and malevolentenough at that point accomplish this, but haven't reached a conclusion.

When I came back to the shaman I was drinking with, showing him pieces ofmy Jaguar tooth hanging on my neck, he only moved his head not knowingwhat to say. Leaving the place that day I expressed an intent to mirror thisattack to whoever it was and let the Justice be the judge. As time has passed,I thought to dig into it further and find out exactly who the culprit was, butfelt already too strong in myself to waste time on that. This accident inspiredme to look deeper into this subject as a whole. It triggered my interest inlearning about shamanic ways of self-defense. It is only later when I realizedthat I came to Peru already energetically sealed which was granted by Deathitself during my Initiation in Mexico.”

So to put the power of intention to better use, Sergio called in the spirit ofpuma so I could connect with my totem. Since we spoke throughout the day,my inner journey began later in the evening when I returned to my room. Iwas exhausted and expected the effects of the medicine to dissipate, but it

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intensified instead. I found myself behaving quite strangely, yet I couldn’tstop myself. I felt a cat writhing, stirring and strengthening itself into mybody. I felt its physical strength. I smelled every little nuance in the roomand outside. I smelled through its nose and saw through its eyes. I foundmyself on all fours in a stalking position right before the pounce. The masterhunter with fierce intention became me, and I was hunting my destiny. I sawit very clearly as a vision before me and the inside of my body was the shapeof a big cat. I’m sure if someone had been there to witness it (and I’m soglad there wasn’t) I would have looked and sounded ridiculous.

Something that I noticed as I drifted off to sleep is that I had a differentrelationship with fear. I wasn’t afraid of fear itself anymore. I heard a quoteonce, “I know I’m on the right track when I can smell my own fear and walkright through it.” I’m beginning to appreciate this track.

Day 5

I left my room today sensing that he might increase my dose. Asnervousness creeps in, I connect with the plant and practice rightrelationship: trust, reverence, appreciation, and friendship. I also remindmyself that I’m not afraid to see myself.

He did increase my dose to one cup of his strongest medicine. We returnedto Urcu, the fertility site. The unique distinction of this day was that I sawvery defined cats in the mountains and in the sky. They weren’t just imagesthough. The eyes were filled with presence and intensity. There is aparticular face of a puma on the Urcu mountain which I spent most of theday communing with. Sergio said that others see it as well and that it was theprotective spirit of the valley. On the other side of the valley is a mountainrange that is in the shape of a condor when viewed from Urcu. At the base inthe center is a stone with a serpent carved on it. I’m sure that the stories ofthe possible origins of this place are intriguing. However, to sit quietly andenergetically tune in to the spirit of this place, especially while on themedicine, is quite magical.

He took me for a long walk up the mountain. Any fears of heights are easilyaddressed on this hike. The trail is very narrow in some places with asignificant drop inches away from each step. The medicine makes it evenmore challenging to focus and direct your feet where you want them to go.After my solo time with the mountains and the clouds, Sergio began to speak

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to me intently about a book that I should write. He said I didn’t know it yet,but that it is why I was there. The last words I said to my partner whenleaving California was that I was going to come back and write my secondbook, so I wasn’t surprised and didn’t need much encouragement. This madeno difference to Sergio. He was insistent upon discussing it thoroughly. Atone point it felt like he was a serpent weaving his way into the fabric of mysoul with this book idea being the point of intent.

Later in the afternoon, we sat before the serpent of fertility. I had acceptedthis book idea, but still saw it as a small thing, more for my expression thananything else. Sergio pierced through me, “Do you think you are so small?Only fear is in your way from this book reaching peoples’ hearts. People arehungry for the truth and if you speak from your heart, it will be the truth thatpeople are hungry for.” Then he left me alone to allow his words to seep in.

While sitting before the serpent, memories of the times I have sobbed to theWhole my devotion and love. I have spent hours of devotion like this overthe years, with the most intense one being the night in Cusco. Memories ofmy emoted prayers from my heart to be heard and for my life to be used forthe light came surging through me. Then it happened. My heart was heard,and I felt all that love being received and reflected right back to me. Itliterally felt like I was making love with the universe. This of course isindescribable. The end result was a clear feeling of being impregnated with abook right before the serpent of fertility.

Upon our return back into town, we took a walk into the city. The medicinewas still very strong as I was over stimulated by the sounds and the people. Ihad to use all of my strength to walk straight, appear coherent, and filter theoncoming energies. I remarked that this was the hardest part so far. Sergiosaid that it was necessary integration. It felt harsh. I arrived in my roomweak, exhausted and sad. For the first time in my life I felt the humanemotion of loneliness. This was such a significant shift after such a magicalday. Plus this sensation of loneliness was completely foreign to me. Sergiolater explained that it was because this was the first time I had ever gone thatdeep into myself. I prayed to Huachuma that he ask Sergio to go easier onme tomorrow.

Day 6

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I set my intention for the day to be smooth and gentle. Last nights prayerwas answered and Sergio dosed me just one cup of the strong medicine andwe spent a very pleasant day in Pisac.

Pisac is like a small Machu Pichu. The Inca ruins are beautiful and mindblowing. Enormous stones are literally melted together. There are noremnants of the tools that were used to create these structures, so it remains amystery today as to who built them and how. The sense of the place isn’tquite humanoid.

Seeing through Huachuma’s eyes was deeply touching. Every sense isheightened and the colors of the almost florescent moss and grass seemed toleap out into me. It felt like I was drinking in the landscape around me. Ipondered, “How much beauty can one take in?” How truly unfortunate it isthat our standard capacity to see the intricate beauty of our land is sominimal compared to what it could be. The miracle of existence is generallyoverlooked and taken for granted. This day I was not only seeing thephysical beauty, but I was seeing our inner beauty, our inner light. In regularstates of consciousness, that light doesn’t even exist. It is heart breaking thatwe are missing out on so much.

Day 7

Today I drank 2 cups with a couple of hours in between. The graduated dosewas preparing me to handle stronger medicine. We went to a boulder in afield and relaxed into the unfoldment. It always begins in my heart as amelting, warming sensation, and then radiates out through my physical bodyand energetic environment. I feel like this plant is changing me to my core.

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Or rather it is changing what/who I thought I was. I reviewed my list of fearsthat I had written at the beginning of my journey, and I don’t relate to themanymore. How could they have disappeared so quickly and without meknowing it? What kind of intelligence is this?

While on the medicine, animism becomes very real. I can honestly say that Ihave witnessed the breath of the earth. I saw it with my own eyes everysingle day that I took the medicine. I looked into the eyes of the spiritguardian of the Sacred Valley. I have seen and felt the soul of the eagle as itsoared above me. Even the lines of individuation became hazy as I felt amerging with Sergio and our environment. It became easy to listen throughmy senses to everything that is alive. And everything is alive.

Day 8

With two cups of medicine in my belly, we traveled to Moray. This is aspecial place with spectacular circular ruins where eagles, condors, andhawks fly abundantly. Again there is more mystery around these structuresthan explanations. Sergio asked me to tune into the energy of the place. Theoverall sense that I got was that it was a place of origin and departure orreturn. The circular structures were football field size impressions imprintedinto the recesses of the miniature valleys. You could reach the center circleat the bottom by climbing down built-in steps that protrude out from thestone walls. It was a struggle for me to manage the steps, but I couldn’t tellif it was because they were designed for a larger body, or if I was fatiguedfrom medicine and altitude.

There is another puma guardian spirit overlooking one of the circular pads. Ithad the deepest and most intense eyes. We locked eyes together deeply. I feltan exchange, but it was wordless, thoughtless. No translation was available.I hope to understand more as I continue on this path. I am learning moreabout totems. Each animal has a special strength and skill set. When

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observing them under the medicine, you not only observe their behavior, butyou experience being them as an emotional sensation. For me personally, Ibreathe in their essence through my puma nose and it pulls me into theirexperience. The flight of an eagle, for example: they are not just emotionlesscreatures solely hunting on instinctual behavior. When we observe themonly from our visual sense, our observation is limited to their physicalactions. When we use our senses beyond the physical, much moreconnection is available to us. I felt the eagles experience tremendousfreedom and joy in their flight. There was a sense of power and adventure intheir quest. Sergio said that they weigh only about 2 kilos and yet can huntsmall cattle and wolves by plucking them up with their talons and droppingthem. This gave me a clue as to why his mesa was so powerful.

I remember shaman and author Sandra Ingerman addressing animalmedicine. She suggested that referring to dictionaries of animal totemsdistracts us from connecting directly with the animals that come to us. Westay in the mind rather than the heart. She encourages us to speak with themdirectly to receive what their gift or message is that is unique to the timing ofthe connection. I always struggled with this, because I didn’t trust that Icould hear or interpret their messages. It was left to a fantasy that I mightreceive a shamanic teacher at some point that would interpret everything forme. These patterns of self-disempowerment are thankfully dissolving in thehands of Huachuma. Huachuma seems to heighten our 6th plus senses andthins the illusory veil of separation, so that we can connect moreauthentically with our relations. Telepathic communication is not onlyenhanced while on the medicine, but it permanently strengthens all of oursenses.

On this day I metaphorically stretched these lessons into my life. Birds ofprey are totally in tune with the natural ebb and flow of the wind currents.They allow themselves to be carried as they hover over the fields to hunttheir next meal. Then, they know when to dive and claim what is theirswithout hesitation or trepidation. They are fearless. If they miss their mark,they don’t get defeated or sulk around for the rest of the day. They just catchthe next current and surf the skies for their next hunt with the same amountof enthusiasm as the previous one. They give 100% of their stretchedcapacity to each mission, strengthening their skills over time. Imaginelearning this way of living. We would ride the natural currents of life bytuning into the natural flow of nature and life circumstances, and discernfrom there when to take action. This discernment would be based from first

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seeing the big picture, from an eagle perspective. For this we would have todissolve our narrow limited views, opinions, judgments, unconscious fears,false beliefs, and denial. To have clear vision of the honest reality with noillusions is a foundation for wisdom. It is then that we can see through ourheart and live and take action from our hearts. This is living wisdom, notintellect. Intellect can be used with wisdom after developing an emotionalconnection with all of life. This is the language of shamanism, and so veryfew engage in this way.

Day 9

This day was set aside for rest and reflection. I thought I would go for a longhike to the river and go shopping in the plaza. It turned out that myexhaustion had caught up with me and I stayed in bed writing the entire day.The integration was very helpful.

Day 10

This was by far the most intense day of my journey. He dosed me with 2cups of his strongest medicine. I protested that my body weight was toosmall to handle that much medicine. He calmly replied, “It is not so much inthe body weight, but in the purity of your intention and strength of yourheart.” This day took me to my knees.

We went to a huaca, a power place. The entrance is a tall stone vagina. Youcrawl through the narrow walls and then step out onto a cropping of“charging seats” overlooking the valley. The seat that I chose to charge uponhad a puma carved on it. There was a serpent carved across from me. Therewas horribly abrasive music playing from a structure across from us. I usedall my might to keep it from distracting me and extracting my peace. Ithought surely he could use some hocus pocus to get the music turned off. Iworked with letting the music in and making it part of the tapestry. Then it

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turned off. I immediately went into some kind of nirvana state. All Iremember is my eyes rolling into the back of my head and I melted intoliquid light. I don’t know for how long. Sergio snapped me out of it andasked me to leave the spot. I struggled with making my legs maneuver overthe rocks and hesitated. He firmly stated that we had to leave immediately. Iwas surprised to make it out of there.

I only had a moments rest before he sent me into another huaca. This vaginastructure was tall and tighter to squeeze through. At the end of the tunnelthere was a drop down to a small flat terrace designed for just two small feetto stand on. I pressed my back firmly against the stone as I gazed in awe atthe uterus like cavern. It was open to the sky and the wind whipped aroundmy face. The medicine sensitized me to the vibrational charge I wasreceiving, strongly convincing me of the true power of a huaca. I stood therefor about 5 minutes until I heard his rattle beckoning me to return. Upon myexit, my legs were weak and shaking. We opened an orange and he glancedover at me and said, “You’re a tough cookie.”

Right across from one of the huaca entrances, was an owl nest. Sergio sawowl feathers hanging from the nest. It was a gift to him from one of histotems. He spent the next hour throwing pebbles to set it free. I was gratefulfor the moment of rest. I had been so disoriented from the huaca downloadsthat I couldn’t even remember where I lived, who my family was, or whatyear it was. It took me the rest of the afternoon to re-remember who andwhat I was. My remark to Sergio was, “Well now I know what it feels like tobe deconstructed.”

A thunderstorm was approaching and I tried my best not to resist it. Theprevious week had been so cold and rainy and today was the first morsel ofwarmth I had received since leaving California. I sarcastically glanced at thesky, “Can’t you just give me one good hair day?” That split second of vanityinstantly became an embarrassing lesson in humility. Sergio, with beautifulowl feathers in hand said, “This storm is for you. Let’s drive to the lake.That’s why I couldn’t drink medicine this morning, so I could drive you tothe lake.”

It was an intense drive on a bumpy dirt road with very low visibility. Whenwe arrived at the lake, the thunder was around us, and the clouds created atapestry of colors I had never seen before. I stood by the water and felt thepower in the sky reflecting my new power within. A seagull hung in the sky

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right in front of me and looked right over at me and darted a matter-of-factstare. The entire scene was surreal. Sergio certainly earned a big tip that day.I didn’t have it with me, but he will get it someday in the form of birdbinoculars.

Day 11

Huachuma once again answered my prayers and Sergio reduced my dose toa cup and a half. We had a peaceful day of discussion in the ruins ofOllantaytambo. We spoke of free expression in all areas of life. I reflectedback upon how I usually hold back from speaking my truth in avoidance ofruffling others’ feathers. In public speaking, I have been restricted by myfear of forgetting important information and spoke from my mind’s list ofinformation. My heart was always a little sad it didn’t get to participate asmuch.

Now with my heart melted wide open, I realized that there was no backdoor. Sergio pointed out that, “Huachuma journeys offer permanentgrowth.” Permanent growth is a serious offering. I remember attendingcountless workshops and seminars where I would become inspired andmotivated only to return home to my old ways. I was eminently curious tosee myself in my new life.

Another thing he said that day that changed my life:

“I believe in you.”

Day 12

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Our plan was to do 11 ceremonies. This day was our 10th ceremony and afterdrinking two cups of his strongest medicine, I felt like I was hanging on by athread. We endured a very bumpy ride to the river, so I struggled with severenausea the whole day. A couple of hours into the ceremony, Sergio came upto me with tea, and told me that this was our last ceremony and that I hadalready received what I came for, and more. I asked how he concluded this,and he said it came from a knowing. I was relieved, but I hoped that hehadn’t given up on me. The truth is that I needed a day of rest beforeattempting my 40-hour journey home.

I had very little traction on the medicine today. It completely took over me. Ipulled out my own little bag of tools that I have used as an emergency kit inpast situations: surrender, non-attachment, full engagement, and awareness. Iwill speak further to these powerful 4 intentions, but for now I would like tospeak to how they assisted me on this precious day with Huachuma.

As threatening sensations of the unknown overwhelmed me, I surrendered tomy love and trust of Huachuma. As I worried about not succeeding orreaching states of ecstasy as others had, I let go of attachment to an outcome.As unpleasant emotions or discomfort arose, I allowed myself to engagewith and feel them fully. As self-doubt crept in that I wouldn’t be able tohear Huachuma’s last words to me I actively practiced sharp awareness. Isunk into a deep inner peace and listened as sharply as I could.

Gradually memories of my entire life played before me. I began to weepover the beauty and love that I had brought to my life through the decisionsthat I had made and the relationships that I nourished. What happened nextwill be hard to describe, but I will do my best.

I experienced me, my heart, what my soul wanted, when it entered myphysical body. It came here to love and be loved. A million circumstancesinfluenced this person; some of which allowed the soul to live through andsome of which incarcerated it. But the soul was never altered. It remainedpure, hopeful, and patient. I experienced this soul as Love itself. Just pureLove always seeking ways to express itself whether it be through parenting,romantic love, grief, self-love, or creativity. Do you know what it felt likeemotionally? It felt like sincere yearning. Love isn’t static. It is an action thatwants to move and live, and sincere emotion is the canoe for this motion.

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This beautiful paradise we call earth is Love creating itself, and we are itsorgasms. We were given bodies and 6 + senses to experience Loveexpressing itself through us and between us.

I finally met myself and this is what I was yearning. My search was over.

Towards the end of the day, we walked back to the mesa. Throughout therest of the evening, cat faces were protruding from stones, hillsides, evensidewalks. I didn’t fully understand how or why I was seeing them. I’m stillallowing that to unravel within me.

Sergio lit a fire upon our return, and I soaked up warmth replacing 2 weeksof inner cold. It was food for my soul and heart. While gazing into the fire, afeeling of failure crept in as I was hoping that I gave my best and releasedthe most I possibly could. Remnants of my doubtful mind wondered if Ishowed up enough. Others that have worked with Sergio have reachedecstatic states from the start, and on every ceremony. Ecstatic wouldn’t bemy choice of words for what I was experiencing. I felt pushed to my limits,strengthened, deeply peaceful and centered, just not quite ecstatic. Sergiosaid that these thoughts were just the last pieces of doubt for me to throwinto the fire.

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My Return and Integration

I returned home with a deeply gratifying sense of peace and wholeness. Iwas truly inspired and grateful to have this new relationship with such aloving and wise ally as Grandfather Huachuma. In many ways, I had takenhim home with me and invited him to remain with me and continue tocultivate our relationship. The “permanent growth” that Sergio talked aboutcertainly played out in my life. My heart had broken open and healed, so Ihad so much more to give, just as our Mother and the river taught me thatday. My friends and family saw the difference in me and it was contagious!

As far as my fears are concerned, there has been a shift in my relationship tofear. I continue to take on my fears and “walk through them.” My fear ofbeing seen has allayed to the degree that I have exposed my story and myways with the spirit world to more actively facilitate our global awakening,and to fully engage with my soul’s purpose. I remember Sergio telling methat my journeys will continue to unfold over time and they have. Even myfondness for Peru has grown, and the beauty I saw there is now the beauty Ican see here. I have practiced how to see things through the eyes ofGrandfather Huachuma, which is much like seeing through the lens of grace,compassion, wisdom, reverence and strength. I feel truly blessed to have thisgift in my heart, for it has changed the way I live and engage with life. Ican’t think of a more valuable gift!

For any of you who are considering visiting Peru or are seeking anopportunity to journey with a huachumero, I highly recommend workingwith Sergio. It is a rare and unique opportunity to work one on one with ashaman who is as committed, integral, and vivacious as he is. To this day, Ican visit the memories of each of the sacred sites that he took me to, andrelish in the moments when I felt held in safety enough to let go, sink in, andtake in the healing and the beauty.

Sergio’s website is: http://www.shamansworld.org/contact.html

To view my story and view my latest book Surfing the TransformationalWaves of 2012, Supportive Tools for Your Journey Home to the 5th

Dimension, my website is: http://liquidmirror.org/wp1/