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May 2010 - Jumada I - Jumada II 1431 Issue 36

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APRIL 2018 – Rajab –Sha’ban 1437 Issue 125

As Muslims, it is incumbent upon us to make every effort to meet each life transition we embark on with careful consideration and preparation relying first and foremost on Allah (SWT) and the guidance He has provided us in His Book and the Sunnah of our beloved Messenger, Muhammad (S). I would

like to take this opportunity to advise new Muslim couples and their families whose weddings the community has joined to-gether to celebrate. This advice is based on over 30 years of counseling Muslim couples.

From my experience, I often find that many couples become quickly consumed with tedious wedding preparations and very little time and care is taken to receive training and education necessary for what comes after the wedding despite our calls that they attend counseling offered by our Masjid. Many cou-ples enter marriage carrying false assumptions and expecta-tions that carry them back to my office months and sometimes weeks following the wedding. Unfortunately, the conflicts they have experienced by that time have caused so much damage to the undeveloped relationship that counseling becomes difficult and rebuilding trust requires work that they are often not will-ing to do. For this reason, it is important for each individual who is considering marriage or is currently married to recog-nize that marriage requires hard work just like other life

Sh. Jamal Said

2April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439

April 2018 Vol. 06, Issue 125

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MF BOARD OF DIRECTORS

EDITORIAL BOARD

Oussama JammalSh. Jamal SaidSh. Ahmed ArafatTareq Abu-AmmerAisheh SaidMohamad ChehadeBanan SaidAbdel Baset Hamayel

1. Oussama Jammal2. Safaa Zarzour3. Abdallah M. Shuaibi4. Ahmed Kamni5. Habes Abdallah6. Banan Said7. Kalid Baste8. Aisheh Said9. Kamal Eldeirawi10. Jafar Ahmad11. Jamal Said12. Jehad Matariyeh13. Karen Danielson14. Mohamed Aduib15. Muin Abusharara16. Hussein Ata

transitions. If a person rushed into starting a new business or buying a new car or house without any thought or preparation, most people would consider that person to be impulsive and careless. Is not marriage a decision that requires more planning and preparation than starting a business venture or making a large purchase?

Consider this verse from Surat Ar-Rum which is placed on many wedding invitations yet often overlooked,

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [30:21]

Indeed, marriage is a ni’mah from the many provisions that Allah (SWT) has generously be-stowed upon the children of Adam. It is important to note that Allah (SWT) makes mention of a specific group of people at the end of the verse, “liqawmen yatafakkaroon”, those people who give thought.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, marriage requires thought, reflection, self-awareness, and much learning. Though many pages can be written about this topic, I selected a few practical points based on my experience in counseling newly weds:

1. Autonomy: It is vital for both newly weds and their families and friends to recognize that they are their own independent unit. It is normal and healthy for loyalties from past relation-ships to shift into the new relationship, making the new partnership the most valuable for each new husband and wife. Traditions and routines will have to accommodate for these new changes. Many couples complain about not being able to attend a yearly family Eid breakfast or travel out of state to attend every cousin’s graduation or see their friends every Friday night, which they always did when they were single. It is simply not practical and not fair to the new marriage for things to remain as they were. Spouses should engage in a selective process when choosing what is most important and each must compromise giving up some things. Families and friends should respect the decisions made by the couple and not exert pressure on them to maintain traditions and routines. With that said, couples should not cut themselves off from the world, on the con-trary, I suggest that they make changes to schedule regular family visits, especially to both sets of parents, and maintain their ties with righteous and supportive friends. Some family or friends of either bride or groom might be the source of problems in the marriage so it is important to be aware that while maintaining rights. Similarly, couples should schedule weekly outings just for the two of them to spend time together.

2. Communication: Communicating with one’s spouse is not the same as simply talking or hearing. It requires giving and receiving meaning of words and feelings and actions with em-pathy, respect, and consideration. If your wife shares she feels depressed at the beginning of the marriage because she misses her family, support her. If your husband feels guilty about not being able to fulfill the wants of his parents as he once did, support him. If something is on your mind or a particular word or action of your spouse upset you, communicate it openly and honestly. If your spouse is telling you something you did bothered them, be willing to hear them out without judgment or comparisons or having a scoreboard ready and instead sincerely apologize for hurt-ing them intentionally or unintentionally and make efforts to change.

3. Conflict: Conflict is a necessary and normal part of any real relationship. What is most

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MARRIAGEWhat 30 years of counseling Muslim Couples Taught me?

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April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439important is that we learn to resolve conflicts in healthy ways without harboring resentment. As Muslims, we adhere to the Quran and Sunnah in times of bliss and times of hardship. When a conflict arises, we turn to our faith to help us make a decision. Some couples struggle with differentiating tradition and culture from Islam and have many assumptions and expectations about the rights of the husband or wife that are simply false and completely opposed to Islamic teachings. Therefore, couples should seek the advice of an Islamic scholar on these critical issues. I also advise couples not to involve their families into their marital conflicts since they are biased and often too emotionally invested to make a sound decision. Our Masjid provides these services at no cost. Do not wait to seek counsel. Seeking counseling does not mean you are seeking divorce, on the contrary, it means you are stuck but the marriage is very important to you. An important aspect of resolving conflict is practicing patience, which is a rare quality in the fast-paced society we live in. Couples must remember there is no such thing as a perfectly matched partner; there will always be things that each spouse must change and a few things that they simply cannot change. As long as it is within the limits of Islamic boundaries, we must learn to have patience to support them to change what they can, live with what they cant, and find ways to appreciate the good qualities that they do have.

4. Intimacy: Allah (SWT) highlights affection to be one of the main qualities arising from the union of husband and wife in the verse mentioned previously. This encompasses all forms of intimacy: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. Each spouse shares a responsi-bility in achieving these forms of intimacy with their partner. I will highlight spiritual intimacy since I find that it is often the most neglected yet such an important task for couples to focus on and serves as a protective factor in their relationship. This includes reminding each other of the performance of daily prayers, reciting and memorizing Quran together, abandoning bad habits, attending a weekly program at the Masjid, fasting and giving sadaqa together, volunteering, and supporting one another to abide to Islamic rulings including obtaining halal forms of provision, practicing lowering of the gaze and wearing hijab, and the many different ways of becoming closer to Allah (SWT) and gaining His mercy and pleasure.

Brothers and Sisters, these are but a few suggestions for newly weds. There is so much that can be learned which is why it is important to stay connected to your Masjid and at least a weekly program which can support you to have healthier marriages.

May Allah (SWT) place His barakah in all marriages and may He unite them to do good for this deen and Community

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”[30:21]

SummerSummer

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4April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439

Al-Siddiq School Continues to Invest in Its Teachers and Staff by Holding An Additional Workshop on March 4th. The workshop was on classroom management and using innovative technology in the classroom.

Al-Siddiq School Concludes This Year’s Journey with ‘IQRA’ and ‘I Know My Deen’ Programs with the Final Competitions. 23 Iqra participants competed in 3 levels on stage. For the IKMD program, 13 students competed, where Moham-mad Safi was awarded 3rd place, Salma Kamani got 2nd place, and Dowla Ali won 1st place.

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April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439

Al-Siddiq School Develops Programs to Engage Its Students in Community Service and Encourage Them to Give, Help The Needy, and Feed the Hungry. Through the School’s new activity “Giving is the Key to Happiness” students wrapped 500 meals for the needy and later had the same food for lunch. This is to remind the students of our Prophet’s (PBUH) Sunnah of giving and lending a helping hand to the needy.

Al-Siddiq School Develops Programs to Engage Its Students in Commu-nity Service by Participating in Cleaning their Masjid After Salah.

Al-Siddiq School Continues Its Tilawa Class for the mothers of our students teaching them how to read Quran properly. This will give our students much needed support at home in learning Quran.

Al-Siddiq School Held One of The Most Important Competitions on March 11th, Asbabul Nizoul through which participants memorize the reason for the verses and chapters being sent down to the Prophet (PBUH). This years compe-tition was held on march 11th.

Al- Siddiq School Yet Hosts Another Parenting Workshop to Help Parents Deal with Their Children.

6April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439

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April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439

تشرف برامج مدرسة الصديق املتميزة “أعرف ديني” و “إقرأ” على االنتهاء لهذه السنة. إشرتك 23 طالبا يف مسابقة القارئ القائد يف ال28 من فرباير وحصل عىل املركز الثالث الطالب ليث عليان واملركز الثاين حصل عليه يوسف

عليان بينام كان املركز األول من نصيب الطالب سعيد حاميل. و شارك يف مسابقة “قبلت التحدي ألين أعرف ديني”13 طالبا وحصل محمد

صايف عىل املركز الثالث يف حني حصلت الطالبة سلمى كمني عىل املركز الثاين وكان املركز األول من نصيب الطالبة دولة عيل. هذا وسوف

يقام حفل تخريج للطالب الذين أنهوا السنتني بنجاح يف 18 من مارس الحايل.

لقاء الصديق السنوي كان تحت عنوان: “العطاء مفتاح السعادة” والن العطاء صفة من صفات عباد الرحمن، فإن مبدأ التطبيق العميل و غرس فضيلة العطاء يف الطلبة من أهم البديهيات. وقد قام الطلبة بتجهيز ما يقارب من 500 وجبة غداء للمحتاجني و عىل نهج املصطفى

الحبيب “أطعموهم مام تأكلون” كان نفس الطعام الذي قدم لطلبتنا، و بعد وجبة الغداء توجه الطلبة اىل املسجد إلقامة صالة الظهر

واملساعدة يف تنظيفه بعد الصالة.

آخذة بعني اإلعتبار: “خريكم من تعلم العلم وعلمه ”، تستمر مدرسة الصديق بعرض درس التالوة لألخوات أمهات الصديق. ومن أهم أهداف هذه الدروس هو الرتكيز عىل تعليم املشرتكات التالوة الصحيحة آليات القرآن الكريم ليعود ذلك باإليجاب عىل تحصيل الطالب

القرآين يف البيت.

يتجدد اللقاء الشهري ألهالي طالب مدرسة الصديق مع الدكتورة نسرين يف األحد األول من كل شهر يف برنامج “االرسة أوال” للرتكيز عىل أفضل الطرق للتعامل مع األبناء وإنشاء جيل واثق بنفسه وواع.

من أهم املسابقات السنوية التي تقدمها مدرسة الصديق لطالبها هي مسابقة أسباب نزول اآليات القرآنية. املسابقة لهذه السنة أقيمت يف 11 من مارس الحايل مبشاركة أربعة من الطالب الذين درسوا أسباب نزول اآليات القرآنية كاملة إبتداء من سورة الفاتحة وإنتهاء

بسورة الناس. ستصدر النتائج قريبا وسيتم التكريم لجميع املشرتكني.

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April 2018 – (Rajab –Sha’ban) 1439

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