226Parenting.com

for Preschoolers

SEPTEMBER 2017

Controlling AngerBE ANGRY AND

DO NOT SIN

MORNING PRAYERS

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DINNERTIME STORIES

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DRIVE-TIME GAMES

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BEDTIME QUESTIONS

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WEEKLY BIBLE STORY & MEMORY VERSE

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INTRODUCTIONPAGES 3-4

for PreschoolersControlling

AngerBE ANGRY AND

DO NOT SIN

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Dr. Josh + Christi

for Preschoolers

This month’s Mile Marker is Controlling Anger. We began TwentyTwoSix with negative emotions as mile markers because the way our kids learn to regulate negative emotions is critical for spiritual development.

The biblical basis for this can be found in Ephesians 4:26-27, “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity” (CSB).

There are two key takeaways from this verse as it relates to our Mile Marker:

1. Spiritual growth means we don’t fly off the handle. It’s perfectly fine to be angry. God gets angry at the “hardness of men’s hearts” (see Mark 3:5). However, God is slow to anger (Ps. 103:8)—and we are to follow His example (Jas. 1:19-20). 2. Spiritual growth requires we don’t hold grudges. Anger is not to be held onto for long. In our daily going to God in prayer, we ask God to “forgive us our debts, as we also forgiven our debtors” (Matt. 6:12, CSB). When we hold grudges, we give the devil an opportunity to come between us and those we love.

As you interact with your kids this month, write these two principles down as a reminder for your family: (1) Don’t fly off the handle, and (2) Don’t hold onto your anger. Remember, we set the example for how to handle negative emotions for our kids.

Controlling

AngerBE ANGRY AND

DO NOT SIN

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for Preschoolers

FOR MOMI (Christi) have a confession. Where I struggle with anger is flying off the handle. I don’t know about you, but I find my anger coming out most when I’m trying to protect myself. In other words, anger is my guard. When I’m angry with Josh, it’s usually because I feel under attack. Sometimes, it’s because I feel rejected—he didn’t acknowledge my hard work, notice my new hairstyle, or any other expectation I had of him he was likely unaware of.

When I’m angry toward the kids, it’s usually because I’m overwhelmed, have lost patience, or am fearful of them turning out a certain way. Usually the latter is shame-based because I feel like I’m not doing a good job as a momma.

What I am good at is not holding onto the anger. I feel like I do a good job asking forgiveness and forgiving. This month, focus on these two areas in your life. Which one do you need to work on as a mom? Take time keeping a journal of when you see yourself fly off of the handle, or when you’re hanging onto anger. Then ask yourself, what am I guarding myself from?

FOR DADWrite down 2-3 characters you identify with in movies you love. I admire the men who don’t allow their emotions to control them, but who use their emotion to do what is right. Men who realize that conquering themselves brings more success than conquering the world. I believe the Bible teaches us that the mark of a man is someone who has self-control.

Look at what Solomon wrote: “Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s emotions, than capturing a city” (Prov. 16:32, CSB). Getting angry isn’t the concern; it’s how much we allow it to control us. Developing patience and insight takes strength and courage. This month, consider which area you need to strengthen—being slow to anger or not holding onto anger. Find another godly man—or your spouse—you can talk to this month about it. Let’s be men with the courage to conquer our flesh.

FOR COUPLES Anger tends to manifest itself in marriage for one primary reason—because our spouse is the safest person on the planet to us. On the flip side of that, he/she also holds the keys to hurting us deeper than anyone else. Our spouse knows our vulnerabilities.

The trouble is when, especially with kids in the house, both spouses are feeling overwhelmed and further disconnected. So what do we do? We use unproductive ways (usually out of anger) to try to get our spouse to reconnect with us. Remember, you are a team. This month, instead of allowing anger to put you in different rooms, sit down together and talk about how you can (1) stop blaming your spouse, and (2) channel your negative feelings to fight for one another as a team, not with one another as opponents.

Controlling

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DO NOT SIN

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Dear Lord, help me to be teachable, especially when

I’m angry.

God, when I get angry with someone, help me not to use

hurtful words.

Here are a few prayers for you to pray over your kids—and to have them pray themselves. Doing so will begin to teach them to pray, while allowing them to hear what you seek for their hearts. Pray them over your kids as they wake, while you’re preparing breakfast, or in the car heading out for the day. Remember: repetition is key for preschoolers. Having your preschooler pray one prayer for an extended period of time is often more effective than praying a different prayer everyday.

MORNING PRAYERSfor Preschoolers

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Lord, help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow

to anger.

Father, teach me to do everything without

complaining or whining.

CONTROLLING ANGER

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CONTROLLING ANGER

Find an old remote control for a TV you don’t use anymore. You can also have your children make one with cardboard. The remote is used to teach children how to control their behavior when they get angry. When driving in the car, come up with real or imagined scenarios for your kids. Here are a few examples:

DRIVE-TIME GAMES

Remote Control

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Here’s what the buttons mean:

Pause: You hit this button before you act. Talk about the behavior you want to take.

Fast Forward: Hit the fast forward button while in pause mode to talk about the consequences of a behavior you want to take. What are the consequences of acting this way, both good and bad?

Stop: Hit the stop button if you think the behavior you want to take will cause you to “sin in your anger.”

Play: Hit the play button to proceed with the behavior you believe is the right decision. Discuss why you chose this behavior.

Rewind: Use this button to go back and discuss ways you could have behaved differently in a situation where you “flew off the handle.” How could have a different behavior resulted in a better outcome?

Volume: Use this button to talk about how loudly you are using your voice. Do you need to turn the volume down?

Mute: Do you need to stop talking? Is what you are saying hurting someone else or making the situation worse?

Channel up / down: Use this button to flip through different behaviors you could take. Discuss the consequences of each of these behaviors.

Your brother took a toy from you that you were playing with. You push him to the floor.

You want to eat a snack before bedtime, but we say no. You refuse to go to bed.

While building a tower with blocks, it falls over. You throw the blocks across the room.

Play the game proactively in the car thinking of scenarios and how your kids can come up with different ways of behaving by pushing the buttons on the remote. Use the game reactively at home to give your child the remote when they are in the heat of the moment. This game helps them learn to problem solve in emotionally driven situations. By the way, when you get angry, play the game with your children for yourself too.

Talk about when you most need to use the remote in your home. Play this game throughout the month to learn to problem solve together through anger.

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CONTROLLING ANGER

See recommend resources below for the Berenstain Bears Keep Your Cool

Card Game for ages 5-8 and Keep Your Cool Ball for ages 4 and up.

Use drive time to each talk about one person you were recently angry with. Spend your drive praying for those people you got angry with. This exercise teaches our kids to love those who anger us and helps them to not hold onto their anger.

Keep Your Cool

The Anger Ball

Pray

DRIVE-TIME GAMES

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Get a beach ball—preferably a small one for the car ride. On each of the colors of the ball, use a marker to write a phrase. For instance, you could write prompts like:

Tell us about a time when you got angry. Show everyone how you take three deep breaths when you are angry.

Sing a song that makes you happy. Mom or Dad is angry with you. What do Mom and Dad look like?

Name one thing that you feel in your body when you are angry.

Tell us about a time when you got angry with your brother/sister, but quickly turned the anger into laughter.

Tell us about a time someone made fun of you. How did you handle it?

Tell us something that calms you down when you are angry.

Feel free to make up your own prompts to get your kids talking. As they throw the ball to each other, they answer the prompt closest to their right pointer finger.

Kids become angry with different people, actions, and circumstances. What makes you angry may not bother me. Use this game to take turns naming one thing that angers each person in the car. For example, “When my brother sticks his finger in my face.” Another example might be, “When I’m playing and having fun, and Mom and Dad make me go to bed.”

Use this game to talk about what situations make kids angry. Talk about what angers you too. What you may find is that your kids become aware of what angers their siblings. Though this can be used for instigation, now that they are aware, it becomes a lesson on the ways we can problem solve to help one another. Use the remote control game to add new ways of behaving and dealing with anger.

I Get Angry When…

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Talk to your kids about a moment you were angry this week. How did you handle it?

Read Ephesians 4:26 aloud at the table. Age-appropriately, talk to your kids about how you and your spouse apply this verse with one another.

Tell your kids about a time when you were in school that someone made you really angry. How did you handle it? Looking back, how could have you handled it differently?

Tell your kids a football memory you have (i.e. going to a game, playing in backyard).

Everyone share his or her favorite memory from this past summer.

Everybody share a healthy way they love to work out their anger (i.e. working out, coloring, going for a run, screaming into a pillow, painting, listening to music, etc.).

Have you ever held a grudge against somebody? Again, age-appropriately, talk about this. What happened when you forgave this person?

Everybody share one thing they learned today they didn’t know when they woke up.

Tell a story about a time you were so angry about the way someone was being treated that you did something about it. How did you stand up for them? What was the outcome?

Everybody takes a turn. If you had three wishes, what would they be? And, you’re not allowed to wish for money or another wish.

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DINNERTIME STORIES for Preschoolers

CONTROLLING ANGER

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What is your favorite music/song to listen to right now?

Have I recently angered you? How did I do that?

Did anyone push your buttons today? Tell me about that. How did you react/respond?

Tell me when you last made your brother/sister angry. How did he/she react? What might be a better way to treat him/her in the future?

Name one thing that really makes you angry. What is the most frustrating part of it?

What don’t parents understand about being a kid?

Who did you play with the most at school this week? What did you do together?

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When you disobey, what do you wish we (your mom/dad) would do differently in how we react/respond?

What consequence do you think you deserve for disobeying or being disrespectful to your parents when you’re angry?

Have you ever gotten angry with God? Tell me about that.

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BEDTIME QUESTIONS for Preschoolers

CONTROLLING ANGER

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WEEKLY BIBLE STORY & MEMORY VERSEfor Preschoolers

CONTROLLING ANGER

BIBLE STORY #1 Jonah 1-4

Jonah’s Anger

BIBLE STORY #2 Matthew 21:12-13

Jesus’ Righteous Anger

Memory verse: Jonah 4:4, CSB “The Lord asked, ‘Is it right for you to be angry?’”

Memory verse: Ephesians 4:26, CSB “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger…”

Recommended Resources

The Berenstain Bears Keep Your Cool Card Game

The Berenstain Bears Keep Your Cool Ball

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