REPORTB o x 2 2 L L 3 ,OFTEN /N ERROR _ NEVER IN DOLIBT, cA 9 4L22

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FREE SPEECE Ig GREAT BUT WHOIS GOING TO PAY FOR TT?

Free speech is a lot of fun, but can we realTy afford it? As our tax dollarsfinance the courtroom antics of peanut-headed yahoo sheriffs and flashbulb-happy right wingers, the real batt le for self expression is already over.Thatis r ight conned-sumers, while we slept through the last decade, thernedia/entertainment cartels peeled away every layer of diversity in popularentertainment in order to promote a homogenous formula-fed marketing machinewhich caters to the undivided demographic enchilada.The f irst part of this tr i-part conspiracy was inplenented by central izedchannel dealers. Freed by antitrust, deregulation, they consolidated al ldistribution lines into one centralized flel7-llart, a one-stop shop where youcan always buy Paula Abdul or Die Hard VI. Why bother stocking the Cramps orScorsesets Mean Streets? The profi t nargin is lower the inventory costsare so much higher. Werve got to keep the distr ibution channels clear forthe soylent crossover pablun that the people really want! Second' bycategorizing entertainment into formats and then rnixing those formats' theItedii-Ueisters created Crossover GodzilIas mega-monster entertainmentproducts that rolI through all rnedias gathering shekels and breaking records.l f i t can ' t pump f i f ty mi I I and a h i t soundtrack, i t a inr t wor th making.Third, the transformation of mult i-nedia entertainment into end-user units(ala videocassettes, compact discs) and the i l lusion of auxil iarymerchandising (via 9OO-numbers, theme parks and character l icensing) haspernitted the entertainrnent industry to re-invent itself as a source ofpseudo-interactive software. (No wonder the top grossing f l icks of this ye?r- tlinja Turtles and Djck Tracy - are made out of licensed characters. ) Thisswitch from licensor to rnulti-media merchandiser inspired giant entermediacongloms to revise their strategy and aim directly at chi ldren - the heart ofthe i l lusory but repetit ive famiTy unit sales. (see ish 53, nWhat Oid YouBuy In the War Daddy? Revriting Eistory From A Consumerist rcVn )In creating this family-fed denographic monster, the merchandise cartelssystematically exterminated every means of alternative voice in the arts longbefore the pornography battle started. While we watched Batman and listenedto ThriLler, peripheral entertainment products were eliminated without allthe yelping thatrs accompanied platinum-plus 2-Live Crew. The current freespee-h brouhaha isnrt about shutt ing up art ists. I trs about tr inrning thedistribution channels - replacing NEA funding with cornmercial endorsements,getting rid of the mom & pop video rentals, evicting independent theaterowners and durnping small suppliers. In the world of post-modern consumerism,nobody really cares rhat you say the only thing that matters is how manypeople hear i t . Sure the First Anendment was great up to a point, but whorsgoing to pick up the tab if the dernographics canrt support i t? @ A&R 1990

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S D OOUN

R'SCORNER

Everyish, the A&R eds engage in a battle of the nitwitsltThis ish, the hot topic is: FREE SPEECH

BACKGROUND: During the preparation of the readership survey response in our July 4th ish, adispute arose at A&R Headquarters. In particular, one response created enormous disagreement. Inanswer to the statement The last time I laughed until my face hurt . . . rcader/guitarbuster BruceAnderson wrote "When the Pope wasHerewith, the A&R Report editors

\Eocs qonc6 regd+hrto thouqlt* s,a9 li'ilar \ la? hrlattgel.rncluditRls &tkc ll

arn't . Ivry qecrsron nOI IO prln[ Druse S answEr I L a . r t fis not because I'm afraid of offendin*btrrhdT K 6 neAfh OtfoCatholics. We offend Catholics plenty. I- fnql C,,.y,* Cl*'ir6 I

Let'sain't. My decision not to print Bruce's answer

Catholics. We offend Catholics plenty. Ipersonally do not believe that the media shouldmake light of people's injuries and I don't careif it's the Pope or whoever. Anyway I'm aneditor and I can do what I wantcorhmunism here!! Like Harry

still gave Rock and Roll Conf identialtwenty-five dollars to fight censorship (and for

free speech. I think the real problem is thatsome people in editorial positions just want tobe in control of everything and they use "free

me, during this unfortunate period of tax -. r . I Lproblems - that wasacommitment.) $----lh1f WO9 a mtiTArlI think the real problem around here is not

'-"'-

"If you want free speech, go to Russia." 1a , (4n tr r I Smote| while

And anyway, nobody can chalrenge my *fu-- Can ga g'Tf 9 f'ry:on free speech. Even thouel, r personatty qef herc / t ! t'}.a htt /despise government funding of the arts, I still '

complained to my legislators on the subjectand took the knee-jerk liberal point of view(see excerpt from congressional letters.) Even

$::S,l H#511i'JT.:'i','J,',::l ,",il.T: < 0h... q*v mean" Crrand^o^ I\orsh?

, oto'91 speech" as a smokescr..c*t:$j.li : ll'I.',i' ;:X'"f :il.T;i#; i ;iii.* ;"o cair :tt.-:,'ri

A 'S

FFI-" This answer was deleted from the Survey response.their views on this controversv.

o$atl o{'s o{GnJiai3€Aqt Ctdrt r&fiicr ICod* ?"7"

tE cft""Vrtrgwi'tfi A,'{ coorse!

ahal\ riqhl ! tls. ng urt or4ne h'rjh* 4 |

*(rt4 [il0************rrffint***This ish we cast NewSpeok, a screenplay set in theThe Story: Iconoclast editor and photographer fightpublishing moguls.

fast-talking world of east coast publishing.to save muckraking newsmagazine from

Character

RUPERT50ish Australianmedia tycoon.

JANN40ish ex boy-wonder

publisher.

LEONARI)Former pet-foodtycoon, turned

publisher.

ALLISONLeonard's wife, aformer model.

GLENNLate-30ish

editor/writer

ANNIE30ish free-lancephotographer.

Feature Film Bob AltmanFilmed Play

Rock Musical

ROBIN LEACHunless Murdoch

threatens syndicationrights to Lifestyles,

otherwiseCHRISTOPHER

LEE

HENRY GIBSONunless Murdoch

threatenssyndication rights toLaugh-In, otherwise

BURT REMSEN

PHIL COLLINS,unless Murdochthreatens catalogrights to Genesis,

otherwisePAUL BARTEL

MICHAELDOUGLAS

unless Rolling Stonewon't give him thecover, otherwiseDANNY DeVITO

JANN WENNERunless he hasn'trecovered from

Perf ect, otherwiseJOHN SCHUCK

PAUL CARRACKunless he can't do

the American accent,otherwise

PAUL WILIAMS

RON SILVERunless he's busywith Enemies II.

otherwiseRON LEIBMAN

ALLEN GARFIELI)unless he's busy

with Cry Uncle II,otherwise

RENEAUBERJONOIS

BILLY JOELunless he wantsChristie to play

Allison, otherwiseHOWARD STERN

ALI MacGRAWunless she's tired ofplaying ex-models,

otherwiseMICHELLEPHILLIPS

LAUREN HUTTONunless she's tired ofplaying ex-models,

otherwiseSALLY

KELLBRMAN

CYBIL SHEPHERDunless she's tired ofplaying ex-models,

otherwiseTAYLOR DAYNE

WILLEM DAFOEunless he's busy withLast Temptation II,

otherwiseJEFF DANIELS

PAUL HOGANunless he's tooexpensive for

Altman, otherwiseJIM BOUTON

TOM WAITSunless he's busy with

the soundalikeappeal, otherwise

LOUDON}ryAINWRIGHT III

NICOLE KIDMANunless she's too busy

withTop Gun II,otherwise

SEASON HUBLEY

SHELLEYDUVALL

unless she's too busywith Fairy Tale

Theater, otherwiseSISSY SPACEK

ANN MAGNUSONunless she's too busy

with Bongwater,otherwise

LYDIA LUNCH

\l[IT1{? .o l

.A,A, I?IFnt)- =ll f t - .

He Wants Milk Deer Earry: There'g nothlng wrongwith you. You are exPeriencing aphenof ienon PsYchologists cal Inocturnal breakthtough. Yoursubconscious mind YearnE to breakinto a new Plateau of awarenesg andgo it propels you against the neareEtphystcat oPPosition which, in Youriaie, is ttre bedroom wall. ThLedeeire to "break on through to theother Eide" has been written about inmuch twentieth centurY art andsymbolizes your Etrong creative andsliritual aiive. In order to avoidiniury to yourself however, trywelring a helhet to bed and sleepingwith your head near the foot of thebed.

She Thinks She's CrazY

____--

Dear A&Rs How do I know that I 'm notcrazy? I feel crazy and when I lookin the mirror I look into the eYes ofa ctazy perEon. I 'm absolute lYposi t ive that I 'm ingane but everydoctor I 've Eeen Eays I 'm normal . Whyshould I truEt the doctorE? How couldthey know what goeE on inside mYctazy head? Just because I don't havea epl i t personal i tY or I 'm notparanoid doesn' t mean I 'm not c tazy.But nobody believes me. Can't aperson be ctazy without any of thoeesymptoms? What's wronet with me? Ettaeol-tsfy, Renote, PennsYlvaaia.

Dear Etta! There'g nothing wrongwi th you. Not a l l - craz iness has aname or symptoms. sometimesr insanityis eimply generic and has noidentif iable features. You are luckyto be in th is s tate ofnon-identif iable lunacY. Sincedoctors are unable to label Yourcondition, you can continue in Yourderangement without fear ofhospitalization or incarceration.Many famous artists and Publicfigures are generically insane andsti l l manage to function andcontribute to the world around them.Good luck.

He Jams His Head

Dear A&R! I am like a lot of PeoPle.r l ike to have mi lk wi th my cof fee.Lately, however, f have noticed thatmost places offer you either half &haLf or lowfat milk. Some Placesoffer you a third choice: nonfatmi lk . I don' t l ike nonfat mi lk .Lowfat milk is too watery. Half &hat f is too thtck. YeeterdaY' Igcreamed at the wai ter , "WhY can' tyou just have regular milk? WhY doyou have to have all these otherchoices?" Everybody looked at mel ike I was nutE. What 's wrong wi thme? Darryl Mintberg. Queen Belene,Idabo.

Dear Darryl: There's nothing $trongwith you. PatronE of restaurants aregiven far too many choices and mostof those choices are incorrect. whydon't you bring Your ownaccoutrements? Take some real buttertmi lk , sugarr sa l t , your favor i tebrand of ketchup, and PerhaPE even athermoa of cof fee. I f neceEsaryr Youmay want to pack a sandwich anddegert aE weII. AIso, remember thatin an emergency, you can mix half &half with lowfat milk and get adecent approximation of real- milk.

Deer A&Rs Every night I go to sleePin the Erame position and everymorning I wake up in a comPletelYdifferent position with mY headjammed against the wall and mY neckbent. I am stiff all day and mY neckhurts . I can ' t f igure out why I endup jammed next to the wall. I go tosleep at least a foot away from thewaII and I have even lined the wallby the bed with Pil lowe. But everymorning i t 's the same th ing. What 'swrong with me? Earry Koenig' EastBahasia, Virginia.