s3.amazonaws.com · web viewi certainly was not giving 10% of my time to my faith life – even...

GOING DEEPLenten Reflections From St Paul’s People

2019

We invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church,to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination

and repentance, by prayer, fasting and self-denial, and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word.

BCP, p. 265

Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have madeand forgive the sins of all who are penitent: Create and make in us

new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sinsand acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of you,the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness,

through Jesus Christ our Lord.BCP, p. 264

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgmentand light rises up in darkness for the Godly, grant us, in all our doubts

and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you would have us to do,that the Spirit of wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that

in your light we may see light, and in your straight pathmay not stumble, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen

BCP, p. 832

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Welcome to the Pilgrimage of Lent, 2019Lent, I think, gets a bad rap.

Yes, there is time, place and value for the traditional elements of a holy Lent – fasting, prayer, charity and the study of Scripture. But before we decide on which, if any, of these are important for us this year, we should think about how we want to grow in Christ as we move through Lent toward Easter.

Lent need not be a dark, heavy time. Lent is about increasing our faith and refreshing our spirits – about making within us renewed and receptive hearts – hearts that are open and listening for God’s call, for feeling the Holy Spirit’s movement in our lives.

Before we make a knee-jerk response to give up chocolate, lose ten pounds or start walking three miles a day, let’s remember that Lent can be a time of disciplined self-examination and reflection that strengthens our faith and brings us closer to God. Think of Lent as a quiet, intentional movement – a personal, internal pilgrimage toward God.

From the outset, we should remember that Lent ends in joy! Lent ends in the Good News of God in Jesus Christ!

The Ash Wednesday service with which Lent begins starts with a reminder of God’s love – “God, you hate nothing you have made.” It then moves quickly into the language of sin, wretchedness, contrition and self-denial and reminds us of our mortality and our need for repentance and penitence. Oh yes, and there are the ashes. In reality, Lent draws us into the essential cycle of Christian life:

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Willful and Sinful

Penitant

Redeemed

Living in Grace

A Child of God

The devotions that follow, one for each day of Lent, were written by folks at St. Paul’s. Each of them uses the opportunity to share a piece of their spiritual journey with us. We hope that you will enjoy them, and that, in their messages, you will find stimulation, encouragement and, perhaps, even direction that will contribute to a holy Lent for YOU!

They begin by looking at what the Book of Common Prayer has to say about this Christian life cycle. Each of them touches, in some way, on the five themes expressed in this special cycle of life. Each of them shares, in some way, how the Good News of God in Jesus Christ has entered the writer’s life and made it more – more balanced, more understanding, more holy.

Join us as we set our faces and our thoughts toward Easter and journey the path of a holy Lent, pursuing, with eager feet, the pilgrimage to a resurrected Lord who loves us and longs for us.

Royster Hedgepeth, OA, Editor

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Ash Wednesday, March 6, 2019What is Penitence?

In penitence, we confess our sins and make restitution, where possible, with the intention to amend our lives. BCP, p. 857

I like to think that I live a good life in the sense that I try to do what is right, I try to care for those that I meet, I am honest in my dealings with others – and I try to be honest with myself. So, there is a part of me that hears the phrase “worthily lamenting my sins and acknowledging my wretchedness” and is more than a bit off-putting. I haven’t murderedanyone, robbed any banks – haven’t been egregiously sinful. At least not to my way of thinking.

Then the Litany of Penitence gets in my face and forces me to think a bit more deeply about my assumptions. The questions roll out:

Have I loved God with my whole heart and mind and strength? Have I loved my neighbor as myself? Have I forgiven others as I’d like to be forgiven? Have I been deaf to the call to serve? How about self-indulgence? And frustration, and envy and love of “things”? Etc.

It seems like there is work for me to do, fertile ground to explore.

The Pilgrimage of Lent is filled with challenge and meaning. It asks me to step off the treadmill of my own stuff and ask, “How close to God in Jesus Christ am I? How’s my daily walk with Christ doing? What about things done or left undone?” The Pilgrimage of Lent can be hard work – but it also offers great reward.

The Pilgrimage of Lent is not passive – is about exploration and reflection, about movement and stability.

So, take a first step and join me on The Way. Get your Book of Common Prayer and go to page 264 and read through the Ash Wednesday worship service. Pay particular attention to the Litany of Penitence beginning on page 267. What jumps out at you? Captures your attention? Perhaps that’s the Quiet calling, leading you into Lent. Perhaps that’s the thread of exploration to which you will pay attention as we walk these days together.

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Thursday, March 7, 2019

Lenten Perspective

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us, accept our repentance, Lord.

Litany of Penitence, BCP, p. 268

Oops, here comes that Litany of Penitence again, rooting in under my comfortable satisfaction with myself. Most of my career has involved “reading” people, and I like to think that I’m pretty good at it. Not perfect, mind you – but pretty good. Then the Litany of Penitence suggests that I need to get beyond the superficial and probe more deeply. Have I allowed my “read” to put people into categories before I really have a chance to get to know them? Is my self-confidence getting in the way of meaning and the possibility of growth?

I have become intentionally conscious of this dynamic as I have gotten older. I have gotten more impatient – “What is it you don’t understand about A or B or C?” I have also gotten grouchier – the two do tend to travel hand in hand. That being the case, the Litany of Penitence demands that I ask when (not if) I have offended someone, been too quick to assign them a category in my personal assessment list.

Part of my Lenten discipline this year is to try and develop a better, earlier sensitivity to how my impatience and grouchiness are affecting others and my own relationship with them. I want to develop a personal Distant Early Warning Line and pray for grace to bite my tongue before being too quick to speak or judge.

And when that fails, I want to get better about apologizing and making amends. I’d also like to be a bit better - OK, a lot better - at saying “I’m sorry. Let me make sure I understand. And let’s try that again.”

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Friday, March 8, 2019

God Knows Me

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly, in love. Galatians 5: 15

To me, one of the most amazing gifts God bestowed on his people is free will. And yet, as it says in the catechism on human nature in the Book of Common Prayer, “human beings have misused their freedom and made wrong choices.” We humans are hardwired to be curious and rebellious, to question why something is expected of us, to find an exception or a loophole that allows us to make the choices WE want to make instead of slowing down to make God-directed, God-centered choices. Free will is sometimes so intoxicating that we rush headlong through our days forgetting to turn back to God. We stop genuinely listening to him because we believe that we know better. I know that ceding control isn’t something I’m good at.

As I grow in my faith, I choose to believe that God knows me intimately. If I’m to uphold my part in building a deeper relationship with him, I know that I need to listen and trust more keenly. Lately, when I’ve prayed, two phrases have become prominent for me: “develop a servant’s heart” and “accept the right thing, not the first thing.” God knows that, although outwardly I may be an enthusiastic go-getter, what I NEED inwardly in order to thrive is a more paced and thoughtful bearing. I feel he’s asking me to take more measured, patient steps.

So, for today, my prayer is this: Lord, thank you for the blessing of free will. Please help me manage this freedom in ways that benefit others as well as myself. Please remind me that when I find things too difficult to handle, you are always beside me. I need to place all my trust in you. Your mercy and grace give me permission to slow down or start over when I need to. Bend me in the direction you want me to go and develop in me an obedient heart and an ear more attuned to your will. In your name I pray. Amen.

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Saturday, March 9, 2019

This Journey We Are On

Do not allowwhat you have to do for a livingdefine youseparating that which you arethis feeling of not belongingthis quality of unwantedness time-sensitive places of questionsthe rain about our seeming randomthe diminished part of ourselves place in thingsthose times when we are struggling and the thingsand this awkward certainty we think we should beof how things really are-- what we could benot what we expected that have not been delivered as promisedand the realization that we do not know and those momentsas much as we thought we did when we are so closeand the question about the eggshell knowingabout our fragility who we really areand all this spinning we can taste itand how busy we are rushing to places this journey of our perfectionimportant places of our becoming

and of our sunand the rainjudging ourselvesand everyoneand everythingand everybody even Godand how perfect it all is

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Jenny, 02/25/19,

I find this layout to be very confusing. I realize these are sort of fragmented thought poetry but the way it appears on the page, to me, makes it hard to think about. ALSO, I added a "to" on the third line, left-hand column. It really needs to be there, in my opinion.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Matthew 4: 1 – 13

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.

The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread. Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone.’”

The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you worship me, it will all be yours. Jesus answered, “It is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.”

The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands so that you do not strike your foot against a stone.’” Jesus answered, “It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.

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Monday, March 11, 2019

“Our Father, who art in heaven…”

For 2,000 years the words of the Lord’s Prayer have connected us to God, providing the comfort of promises made and kept. We say this prayer so often, so easily, but do we really pause to consider the words?

Many of us, me included, hold tightly to the King James Bible translation of the Lord’s prayer. The words of our childhood, safe, known. But maybe it’s time to try using the revised version – stepping out of that old comfort zone and really thinking about the meaning of Christ’s message to us.

“Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” Somehow, sin hits much harder than trespasses. Facing the sins of our lives - the daily hurts inflicted without thought, promises made and not kept – is hard work. And Christ raised the bar even higher when He linked God’s forgiveness of our sins to our forgiveness of loved ones and friends who have hurt us. Yes, when we ask for forgiveness, God hears and responds, but, in today’s vernacular, God expects us to pass it forward.

“Save us from the time of trial.” I do not believe God intentionally “leads us into temptation,” but I do think that pesky Free Will that we have provides plenty of opportunities to sin. We are tested every day. Christ did not promise a life without trouble or pain or loss. He did promise that He would always be with us, helping us through our times of trial.

So, during this Holy Lent maybe it’s time for you and me to make ourselves a little uncomfortable. Before asking God to forgive you, take time to remember who you wounded today and ask them to "please forgive me." Then, using the revised Lord’s Prayer, let your heart speak to God. I haven’t committed the new words to memory, so I read them slowly, which gives me time for more careful consideration of what I am praying. And maybe that’s the whole point.

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Tuesday, March 12, 2019

What We Have Left Undone

The Lenten fasts of my childhood often seemed rooted in the material: take away a material thing (usually chocolate or candy) in order to recognize my good fortune in having access to said material thing the rest of the year. I'm sure that my parents hoped I would understand, perhaps, that this self-imposed adversity could make me see the world a different way, in a different light, and to constructively challenge my worldview and, perhaps, a bit of my behavior.

Later in life, I've come to a fuller understanding and appreciation of Lent as a season of spiritual renewal. Instead of seeing Lent as a time of giving up a material thing, I see it instead as a time of more earnestly embracing what we are asked to do and be by God.

I am reminded of an excerpt from the Confession of Sin that we declare as a congregation each Sunday:

We have sinned . . . by what we have left undone.We have not loved You with our whole hearts,We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.

So, during Lent (and hopefully beyond) I choose to love more earnestly and to help gladly where I am able, as if my neighbor's struggles are my own. And when afforded the ability to act, I fast from inaction.

Wednesday, March 13, 201911

Shoulds and Wills

Breathe on me, Breath of God, fill me with life anew, that I may love what thou dost love and do what thou wouldst do. (Hymnal 508)

O, God, put your law within us and write it on our hearts, that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways. (Jeremiah 31:33 & the Confession, BCP 360)

Two words I’m still deciphering in my life are the words should and will.

Although they will no doubt always both be present, I think I’m learning the difference between them. Should comes from the outside of me. It is something expected of me. I may adhere to a should. Of course, perhaps people need the shoulds that support what is good when our consciences do not.

Will, on the other hand, comes from the inside of me. And, because of that, it is carried by an energy that will see it through. “I should not tell a lie” is quite different from “I will not tell a lie.” “I should love my spouse” is very different from “I will love my spouse.”

The deepest peace I can imagine is to walk through life having the clarity that comes from my will being one with God’s will. Otherwise, God’s perfect and loving will come to me merely as a should.


Way-finding

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. John 3:21

As I approach the Lenten season, several thoughts enter my mind as “way-finders” for a Holy Lent.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Made by God, our spirit or soul is our connection to each other and, of course, to God.

We are to listen to, if you will, our spiritual connection versus our human one – which is our ego. This requires 24/7 conscious contact with our God. Daily spiritual reading and meditation help us learn to pause, think and respond – rather than react to life.

I believe God is:LifeIntelligenceSoulSpiritLoveAnd Principle.


Taking Stock

A few years ago, I attended an entrepreneurship event at UNCW. The featured speaker, a creativity guru from Silicon Valley, talked about the importance of discovering one's "question." Identifying our question helps us understand what motivates us and provides the basis on which we make important decisions.

Simply put, he was challenging those of us in his audience to determine what matters most to us.

It did not take me long to realize that what has mattered the most to me in life has been the relationships I have formed with family and friends, even business acquaintances. And what I look back on with the most regret are the relationships I messed up or neglected.

When I think of Jesus' experience in the wilderness, trying to listen for God's guidance, I think he was seeking his question. I think it was clear to him that he had a mission, but how was he going to pursue it? Would he be a great orator? Would he perform feats that would dazzle people? Would he become a warrior king?

Those were the temptations he wrestled with. And during that self-imposed period of isolation, he clearly learned who he was and how he could best reflect his true self in following the path that God had set for him.

A retired friend of mine takes a personal inventory at the end of each calendar year. She looks back over her volunteer efforts in the previous 12 months and decides if they still align with her priorities. Based on that assessment, she plans how she will spend her time, talent and treasure in the coming year.

Her life's "question" doesn't change. But every year she asks herself if she is still answering that question as she should, and she adjusts as she needs to.

The reflective time that Lent offers is a great time to take inventory. What is your guiding question? And how are you answering it?


Jenny, 02/25/19,

Maybe at the top of this page, suggest that folks re-read the March 10 page?

Does God Offer Grace to the “Wrong” People?

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Luke 4:18-19

For Jesus’ listeners, the Messiah (the one they expected to fulfill the scriptures) was to be a political and military leader to take on the power of Rome. The problem was that Jesus suggests his mission was to bring grace and healing to everyone. To the listeners, Jesus’ God was healing all the wrong people and perhaps that is what led them to resent a grace that was extended to others and ironically, kept them from receiving grace themselves.

So why is grace so difficult to hear? We are happy when the “right” people are forgiven, accepted or healed, but we’re not so sure that we want those things extended to people outside our favored circles - or that we want to extend that grace ourselves.

The irony is that Jesus was preaching to and for the very sort of people who became enraged with him. When he reads from Isaiah, he communicates a gospel of grace for the poor, the captives, the blind, and the oppressed. He was talking about them, his listeners. Yet, rather than receiving the good news, they wanted to get rid of him.

We, too, have ways of rejecting the good news of the kingdom. We need to avoid the temptation to think that the people of Nazareth are unlike us with all our contemporary divisions and schisms and polarizations. If we only think this message applies only to the “thems” of the world, we will miss the point every time.

Thankfully, we know how the story unfolds. We know things these folks didn’t know that day—namely that Jesus was going to suffer and die but also that he was going to be raised (and bring us with him) into new life. Through Jesus, we are a people made capable of making better choices by the power of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we simply need to be reminded that we are resurrection people. We may not get to choose to whom God will give grace, but we do get to choose how we will use the grace and the gifts God has given to us.


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Luke 13: 31—35

At that time some Pharisees came to Jesus and said to him, “Leave this place and go somewhere else. Herod wants to kill you.”

He replied, “Go tell that fox, ‘I will drive out demons and heal people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.’ In any case, I must keep going today and tomorrow and the next day – for surely no prophet can die outside Jerusalem!

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!

"Look, your house is left to you desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’”


Lenten Denial: Part 1

I often ask myself: “Why do I own my opinions so fiercely?"

I have come to the conclusion (drum roll…) that the origins for our “life position,” the attitudes and opinions that define us, come not from the external influences or actions of others upon us but from what we internally bring to the table. It seems so simple that I think I must be a slow learner, because it is a truth that I have apparently not fully internalized. It is a truth that I have had to learn over and over throughout my life. It seems that something inside me fights against the understanding that my outlook is the primary determinant of my outcomes. Tom Lehrer, a comedic songster of the 1960’s, had a line in one of his songs that stuck with me. It went “…when correctly viewed, everything is lewd.” This may be a sad commentary on life but with a kernel of truth to be considered. It points out that what I perceive depends on what I expect to perceive! It raises a fundamental question for my life: do I approach daily existence with the expectation of experiencing a world of hope or despair? Virtually every year, my personal Lenten exploration asks, “Do I approach my life ‘resurrectionally’ or not?” To me Resurrection living means seeing that potential life and connections exist where death and separation are the conventional view. The substance abuser who through amazing difficulty chooses sobriety, the marital abuser who looks inward to understand the pain that has ruled his/her relationships and chooses to change, churches written off as unrecoverable who choose to thrive politicians with opposing philosophies who make choices based on the needs of those governed rather than for personal political gain – these are the signs of resurrection living.

It is really a simple thing to know conceptually that we create our own realities both personally and organizationally. It is quite another to change that outlook and change our behavior. Most often we attempt to change our behavior believing it will solve our problem. This is starting at the wrong end. If the outlook on life does not change, neither will the outcomes.

The image of putting lipstick on a pig comes to mind. Starting with changing behavior is no less than codependence with the Devil! This is why the true church is in a continuous recovery program. AA’s twelve steps are as vital for personal wholeness as for the abuser. The steps are of no benefit to those who feel no need to change.

Lent encourages us to start examining and amending our lives at the right place.


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Lenten Denial: Part 2

The Lenten denial in which I engage is to deny the safe harbor of my tribe’s beliefs about others and how things are supposed to be. It is my time to reflect honestly on the condition of my life: who I have chosen to be, what I am bringing to the table to create that reality.

I believe a good starting point for me is to admit that I am hopelessly addicted to self-interest. It is hard for me to admit, but if there is any question that if it comes down to me or you, the place in the life boat is mine! This is the natural me speaking whether I like me or not. It is the place where I travel every Lenten season, often through guilt, to take a look inside myself at who I am choosing to be. There is no “the devil made me do it” when I own the fact that I settle for outcomes that keep me separated from others. It is definitely not resurrection living!!

I have personally used the Twelve Step Program as my guide for my addiction to self-interest. Each step is a loving confrontation of the defenses I have constructed to keep me from living my life resurrectionally. My drugs can be fame, acceptance, honor or celebrity, to name a few. They can fuel my addiction as surely as opioids. They help shore up my credibility and hide my personal fears of inadequacy and failure.

The first step of my Lenten Pilgrimage is always to admit that I have a need. That I am helpless against the forces that assail my life. It is no irony that the “bottom” for someone seeking recovery is “starting place” for a follower of Jesus!

My hope is that I can confront myself constructively this Lenten season to remove some of the obstructions I have built that keep me from living the resurrection-centered life. I also hope that you might consider these thoughts as a contribution in love for your own Lenten exploration.

May we both use Lent to rest into God’s amazing grace!


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Sin and Redemption

What is sin? Sin is the seeking of our own will instead of the will of God, thus distorting our relationship with God, with other people, and with all creation.

How does sin have power over us? Sin has power over us because we lose our liberty when our relationship with God is distorted.

What is redemption? Redemption is the act of God which sets us free from the power of evil, sin and death.

How did God prepare us for redemption? God sent the prophets to call us back to himself, to show us our need for redemption, and to announce the coming of the Messiah.

What is meant by the Messiah? The Messiah is the one sent by God to free us from the power of sin, so that with the help of God we may live in harmony with God: within ourselves, with our neighbors, and with all creation.

Who do we believe is the Messiah? The Messiah, or Christ, is Jesus of Nazareth, the only Son of God.

BCP, pp. 848-849

God, through Jesus Christ, has given us the ultimate Good News. Through Jesus Christ, God has freed us from sin and overcome death for each and every one of us. As we are redeemed and reconciled to God, God expects us to follow his son Jesus, to love the Lord our God, to care for our neighbor and to be disciples and make disciples.

May God’s audacious, compelling, unwarranted love surround you and hold you with special closeness and clarity during this 2019 Lenten Season. May these reflections draw you closer to our Loving God and give you the insight and strength to follow Jesus more closely and more clearly.


Soul Knowledge

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O Lord, thou hast searched me out and known me. Thou knowest my down-sitting and mine up-rising; thou understandest my thoughts long before. Thou art my path, and about my bed, and art acquainted with all my ways. For lo, there is not a word in my tongue, but thou, O Lord, knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful and excellent for me; I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go then from thy Spirit? Or whither shall I go then from thy presence? If I climb up into heaven, thou art there; if I go down to hell, thou art there also. If I take the wings of the morning, and remain in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there also shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139:1-10

Psalm 139 is inspiring and particularly poignant for me. In November 2000, my amazing, beautiful father was in hospice. We had a Prayer Book in his room. We knew that he and his father, our grandfather, had taken great comfort in the Psalms.

One evening as I was sitting next to Dad, I picked up the Prayer Book and it fell open to Psalm 139. Further down in the Psalm, it says, “Yea, the darkness is no darkness with thee, but the night is as clear as the day; the darkness and the light to thee are both alike. For my reins are thine; thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks unto thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well.”

After reading the psalm I realized, as difficult as things were, all would be well.


Do Not Be Anxious

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“Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6,4:7

Illness, death and grief were constant companions for me and my family for over ten years. While I knew that everyone, one time or another, had to deal with the issues that were disrupting our lives, it made them no less difficult for me. Sometimes, I felt as if the brilliant lights in my life had been forever extinguished and there was no reason to continue.

Going through a box of my parents' things one day, I came across a picture of my great grandparents holding my one-year old grandfather. The date was 1898. Stamped at the bottom of the picture frame was “Wilmington, NC.”

We felt that we needed a change of place. We headed south.

A cradle Episcopalian, I looked for a church and found St. Paul’s. Yet, for some reason, it was difficult to stay, so I wandered. A year or two passed until I was drawn to an Evensong at St. Paul’s, and then, to my deep gratitude, welcomed and enveloped by the choir. I knew we were where we needed to be.

In many ways, I feel my saints steered us here. The passage from Paul grows stronger with each recitation.


Hearing God

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Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” 1 Samuel, 3:8-9

While I think that God and I have a pretty good relationship, God has certainly never spoken as clearly to me as he did to Samuel. I “ask” for many things, and I am sure that my prayers are “heard.” Still, I am not always sure that I give God equal time to talk to me.

I may be retired, but I am often busier than I was when I had a fulltime job. Constant motion doesn’t leave much time to listen to God’s voice. Or does it? The most fulfilling part of many days includes interactions with St Paul’s most senior members. Their journeys are winding down, but they have stories to share of faith and unbelief and faith reclaimed. I just need to pause in my hectic life and listen. Through them, I believe God is talking to me.

Where do you hear God? What is he saying to you? Maybe it depends on what fills your days.


Luke 13: 1-9

Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. Jesus answered, “Do you think that these

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Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them – do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”

Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’”

“’Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”


Mysteries of Faith

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

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I’m sure the Casey Hathaway story riveted many of us as it was covered by local, state and national news networks. The concerns over Casey’s safety were numerous: he had spent several days and nights alone, and he is only three years old. He hadn’t eaten. The weather had been extremely cold early in the week he disappeared. Torrential downpours followed. Search and rescue crews had been unsuccessful in finding him.

Then I woke up Friday morning to the news that the little guy had been found alive and well and returned to his parents!

Was this a miracle or simply an example of God’s everyday mercy with which we’re blessed? I couldn’t help but think of the other toddler across the world, Julen Roselló, who fell down a well in Spain but, despite massive efforts to save him, was found dead after 13 days. From an earthly perspective, what is fair about one child being spared while another loses his life?

It seems I’m always left with these questions, the ones with unfathomable answers. And in my confusion, I come back to what I interpret as the “mysteries of faith.” It may be hard to accept, but I am far too limited to understand God’s intentions. It is up to me to surrender to His plan and, in that surrender, perhaps find ways to lean into Him and rest in the conviction that His love for us is boundless and astonishing in its grace and mercy.

I thank God that Casey is safe with his earthly father, while Julen is in the arms of his heavenly one.


Loss

During the Lenten Season, we ponder the time leading up to the loss we suffer as Christ goes to the Cross to save us all. Loss…or is it something else? Any way you look at it, it hurts. Whether you

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lose a family member, a loved one, someone you admire and look up to, the Prince of Peace, or even a pet, a dark void is created. How is it we can deal with this void?

Maybe we should look at it as an opportunity in disguise. That disguise is quite a cloak, though. It shields us from the view of what good might come of it or what benefit is to be gained…but only in God’s time.

I was talking with a long-term, dear friend recently and she told me that she prefers to replace the word “loss” with the word “space.” That change though became very provocative to me. If it is a space, then with what should we fill that space?

Look at that space as room for new reflection, study and time to examine this “new” world of which we have become a part. See it as space for God to fill with healing grace and love, even if it is in the form and spirit of the treasure that can no longer be touched. We have the opportunity to recognize what God would have us do with and in this “new” world.

I challenge you to fill the space following the loss of Jesus or whatever space is created in you for whatever reason - with the knowledge of His resurrection and eternal peace.

Let light perpetually shine in our hearts.


“Give us this day our daily bread”

You enter the aisle before me. I climb the stairs behind you. We come before God with our hands outstretched; the altar rail feels like home.

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I wait for my place - a place being held by you. You move gently away, inviting me to enter in, to kneel. Your need has given way to my need. We both come before God to receive.

I do not sustain my life, I need. You come before God to receive, you need.

I return to my seat. How do I approach you with my hands open? I bow my head and pray: Give us this day our daily bread.


Saint Pontius Pilate?

Lent is about many things: We slow down. We meditate, think, pray. We ask for renewal, for strength, for a better grasp of our faith. We ask for forgiveness.

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Jenny, 02/25/19,

Is this a shift in who the writer is addressing? Should this "you" be God?

There is an interesting tradition in parts of the Orthodox Church that Pontius Pilate, yes, that Pontius Pilate, repented of condemning Jesus of Nazareth and was forgiven. Eminent early Church Fathers such as Saint Augustine of Hippo and first church historian Eusebius believed that to be the case. They accepted an early Christian belief that Pilate, who had hesitated to condemn Jesus in part because of his wife’s admonition to have nothing to do with the affair, despaired of what he had done and became Jewish and then a Christian.

The Coptic Church went furthest of all in believing that Pilate and his wife should be designated as saints. The Copts celebrate their feast day on June 25.

One can find scholarly and popular speculation about other lesser folk of history and Christianity being forgiven of the seemingly unforgiveable. It has been argued that Judas may have been saved by his suicide because it demonstrated his remorse and repentance. What about the young man who could not follow Jesus’s direction to give away all he owned and simply walked away? Did he return? We don’t know, but we do know that forgiveness would have been waiting for him. The Gospel of John records that after Jesus spoke of the necessity of followers’ partaking of his body and blood, many left him. Did they stay away? Returning would have brought forgiveness. Certainly, there was forgiveness for many others -- they who struggled, fell, and went back and were forgiven. Peter denied Jesus but became one of his greatest disciples. Thomas didn’t believe until the Risen Christ spoke with him, and he left to preach and find martyrdom in India. Saul persecuted Christians but became the great Paul when Christ Jesus spoke with him. Mary Magdalene was healed of unknown demons and became the first witness of the Resurrection.

Surely Jesus has borne all our griefs, and our God is a God of limitless forgiveness.


Boats

"O God, be good to me. Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small."

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A copy of this short prayer, attributed to some anonymous Breton fisherman, was given to all new submarine captains by Admiral Hyman Rickover. Every time I come across it, I am struck by how succinctly it expresses the feeling of being overwhelmed by life. Many stories in the Bible, from the tale of Noah's Ark to the story of Jesus calming the waters, cite the importance of staying afloat in perilous conditions.

The world is a vast place and each of us such an infinitesimal dot in it. What can one person do to change anything? How can we weather adversity and keep our tiny little boats from sinking or capsizing in a sea of conflicting forces? It is so easy to let that boat take on water. Persistent grief, personal disappointment, regret, worry about things over which we have little or no control: these and other unfortunate companions can weigh down our small craft and make our waterborne journey more perilous.

Maybe our boat's cargo also includes good things: work, volunteer assignments, helping others. But too much of good things can become overwhelming and threaten our boat's ability to stay afloat. I know this from my own experience! It is so hard for me to say “No” to worthwhile projects. Too many, “Yesses,” and I fear I might sink!

To navigate steadily and safely, we do need ballast – that which keeps our boats stable. But what, and how much? Too much weight and we sink. Too little, and we are vulnerable to the vagaries of storm and sea. When Jonah boarded a ship, trying to run away from God, a storm threatened the ship and the prophet admitted he was bad ballast, so to speak. The sailors threw him overboard to save themselves and the other passengers.

Throwing the excess overboard is often hard to do. At least, it is for me. Too often I wait to ask God for help, instead of seeking guidance before my boat becomes swamped. The season of Lent invites us to take stock, to see what we are carrying with us in our boats and adjust our ballast. This Lent, I will try to let God help me do that.


The Therapist

As a heated wool blanket

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thrown over my inward worlddaring it to peek outfrom its secret storm of tearswith a noda smilea what’s thata touch on the shoulderof lessons on how men embraceand how it feels to be with someonein that moment of holding the other upreveling in who they arewhispering as God might echo and then moves as one heartin a canyon I know youno one believes in you more than me and that parts of meand listening so intent that breath becomes are somehow likeshallow and takes moments and forgets parts of you

and stops and that my storyfor fear you might miss a pause a moment a nod is somehowso hangs every word as wind your story

that sits among the leaves a sacred storyand waits for permission to move a sacred timeand then moves as one heart a sacred journey

of which you held to a lightand what I was hidingsomehow grew as something

with tap rootsand I took that first breathgreedily in the sunand you were there to receive me


The Parable of the Lost Son: Luke 15: 11-32

Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. Not long after

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Jenny, 02/25/19,

The organization of this is easier to figure out than in the earlier poem. But this line is incomplete.

that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.

"After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’

"So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’ The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.

"But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Monday, April 1, 2019

Making All Things New

My mother believed that her children should be baptized when they were adults and could choose the church they wanted to attend. At that time, our Presbyterian minister lived directly behind our

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home. One morning when I was seven, I went out to play in the snow and somehow fell through the ice covering the deep goldfish pond in our minister’s yard. Our minister heard me calling for help and came out to rescue me. Thereafter, he always teased my mother that he baptized me when he pulled me out of the pond.

In my high school years, I learned to really appreciate the Episcopal worship service, and worship continues to be very important to me. Over the years with marriage and family, ups and down, times of stability and times of change, my faith has always journeyed with me. At times it has been very close, at times not so much so, but there has always been the tug of the sacred that never left me entirely. God’s love has always brought me back into Christian community, regardless of the name that might be attached. God has always found ways to make me new.

In retirement, I am delighted to be in a beautiful coastal community once more – and especially since it is near my daughter. I love being part of her life and making new friends. My life is still evolving, and, by God’s grace, I have found my spiritual home at St. Paul’s.

DRIFTWOODA stately tree stood on a riverbank,Suddenly was felled by a raging storm.Branches carried by currents rose and sank—Their souls set free to take another form.

The river’s mouth emptied into the bay,randomly taking driftwood dreams to sea –a stray gust of wind blew its prize away – sweeping it ashore with shells and algae.

A small child, walking by a pony cartgathered pieces of wood washed on the sand.“I’ll make a wooden box to hold her heart”he thought as he reached for his Mother’s hand.

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Amazing Grace

What is grace? Grace is God’s favor toward us, unearned and undeserved; by grace God forgives our sins, enlightens our minds, stirs our hearts, and strengthens our wills. BCP, p. 858

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“Almighty God, you know that we have no power in ourselves to help ourselves…” Third Sunday in Lent Collect

Grace is uncomfortable.

In our American culture, we are surrounded by the celebration of the individual: work hard and you’ll get ahead. Success comes to those who try. So it surprises us when grace doesn’t neatly fall into this list of things we can do to help ourselves. Finding God’s favor is not as simple as ticking a few items off a to-do list.

Grace is undeserved. Grace means admitting that we have no power in ourselves to do anything, and that can be frightening. It makes us feel like we are children again, yearning for protection. For many, and I include myself, this is uncomfortable.

The people God brings into our lives to love and support us are part of his grace. One reason I’m reluctant to seek help from others is that it’s hard for me to admit I’m not in control. Yet it is precisely in this state of need that the power of the Almighty reaches out and holds us, frees us, comforts us. Grace is not a matter of proving ourselves worthy; grace is a gift freely given, purchased with the blood of Christ.

We often talk about extending grace to others, but how good are we at asking others for their grace? How good are we at actually taking an inventory and realizing that no amount of on-my-own effort is going to get us where we need to go?

Thank God for his grace. It is freely given, healing, all-encompassing, and never gives up.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

The Lent and Easter of Two Disciples

There is a striking painting above the chapel altar in Christ Church Episcopal Cathedral in New Orleans. It depicts the Risen Christ standing with two young men as he gestures to

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broken bread on the table in front of them. The men have a look of astonishment. Of course, the viewer is in the house in Emmaus with the men identified in the Gospel of Luke only as “two disciples.” What is so unusual about the painting is that the two, who are typically shown in art as wearing the fine clothes of persons of accomplishment, are dressed in the simple shirts and pants of laborers. They are poor men, and only a short time before the snapshot of the painting they were desperately sad that their world had collapsed.

Theirs must have been a terrible time, that Lent of so long ago. Evening was coming upon them as they walked from Jerusalem. This was Lent, all right, a time of reflection and sadness, and even despair. The man who was to have redeemed them had been arrested, tried, and put to death that very day. They could hardly credit rumors that he had been seen alive by some women. What were they to do now that their hope was gone?

Lent is rarely so severe for us. At our best, we slow down, temper our appetites, read some better stuff, get more regular with our prayers, and count the days and hours until it’s over. Unlike the two men in the painting, we are not usually so poor, and we have resources not open to them. Yet, should we not envy those poor men? What a glory was to be theirs! They meet a stranger who talks with them, reassures them, and accepts their invitation to a meal. Were bread and wine all those poor men had to offer? If so, the stranger made it a banquet.

And they recognized him in the breaking of their bread. Lent was ended. Their Easter had dawned. They went back to tell the others the good news that Christ was risen! Alleluia!

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Life-changing Journey

On my spiritual journey, I have been accompanied by holy twins – God’s Grace and God’s Mercy. Without them, I would not be where I am spiritually today.

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There have been times that I tried to go through life being something that I’m not. There have been times that I’ve tried to be spiritually what others wanted me to be. It took time to realize that neither can work.

On my spiritual journey, I’ve had to hold on to God’s unchanging hand, even if it meant letting go of some other things. My daily prayer has been, “Father, forgive me for my pride and for so often thinking I know best. Give me a humble heart that is willing to follow Your way in everything.” In order to follow God’s will, I had to learn to rely on God’s guidance and God’s support.

To follow God’s guidance, I have had to develop the spirit of letting go! Letting go can be quite liberating. I learned that living a spiritual life is not something that is developed by wishing it might be so, by assuming that I can make it so, or by reading the Bible occasionally. Developing a spiritual life takes discipline; it takes learning what to hold on to and what to let go.

God does not ask that we take this journey alone. God knows that we cannot take this journey alone. He blesses us with Grace and Mercy, so that when we fall short, we do not feel defeated; when we are tired, we find strength; and when the way seems most difficult, we can take heart knowing God is with us.

The Christian journey is not easy. We will fall down. But by God’s Grace and Mercy we dust ourselves off and start again. Grace and Mercy - they are the twin beams of the light of salvation - the only light by which we can find our way through the world's spiritual darkness. They bless our life-changing, life-affirming journey.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Miracles? You Bet!

The New Testament is filled with Jesus’s miracles. Water turns to wine, blind folks see, lame folks walk, the dead return to life. We Christians talk about Christ’s miracles; however, we live in a world that gives very little credibility to the idea or even the

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possibility of miracles – of happenings that deviate from the laws of nature or are extraordinary or anomalous to the point of being ascribed to a superhuman agency.

What do you think a miracle is? Have you ever witnessed a miracle? Have you ever experienced a miracle?

I believe in miracles. I have witnessed miracles. The births of my children and grandchildren were miracles. I have known folks who were late for appointments which, if they had been on time, would have involved them in wrecks or other tragic circumstances. In the midst of the horrors of 9/11, there were miracles – miracles of timing, that not more were killed, miracles of missed appointments and sick children, and so on.

I have experienced miracles. I am a two-time cancer survivor. My doctors did not expect me to survive the first time, much less the second time around. Well, in spite of my doctors’ pessimism, I am still here, still living an active, productive life. Praise the Lord! Many years ago, I purchased a new VW. As I was driving home from a dinner with relatives, the oil light came on. As I pulled off the road to check on the problem, my wife and I avoided a serious accident that happened immediately in front of us. Miracle? It was to us! By the way, the oil light never came on again!

In our busy, technologically advanced world, it is easy not to see miracles, not to expect miracles. We are conditioned not to see, not to believe. But our loving and adoring God and Father is always watching over us and seeking what is best for us. And He is the God of miracles.

So stay alert! That next miracle may be just ahead! Praise the Lord!

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Whose Time?

Yes, God is always with us – loving, healing, guiding - but sometimes it takes a kairos moment on our part to truly get what God is about.

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The way I think of kairos is this: all that God created – from galaxies to seasons to days to water and dirt and microbes – exists together in a symbiotic system that is impossible for us to comprehend, much less control. It’s not tidy, and it can be downright scary if we don’t believe that we are the apple of God’s eye. Yet within this vast expanse, there are well-defined moments in which God says, “You matter. Do this. Now!” or “Stop! I’ve got this. Let yourself be held and carried along with the rhythms of the world I’ve made. Your busy-ness is not necessary at this moment.” Kairos times are times when God acts to or through us – when we are on God’s time.

Our preoccupation with chronos time – the time we have ordered to do our stuff - can create an extra layer of temporal insulation that blurs our awareness of God’s kairos opportunities. Yes, I still have to let the dogs out before I really want to wake up and get to the grocery store before the meeting, and NOT BE LATE, and do all the normal activities of living. But I need to develop the capacity to set aside temporarily the world I have created – from calendars and social media, to business as usual, to habits of place – so I can make room for something special to happen. I am still learning to change pace and just be – be where God can come into my life more fully, where I can be receptive to the Spirit’s movement.

I think this is what we mean by intentionally bringing Sabbath Sense into our lives. During two weeks in the open spaces of Montana, I had the luxury of intentionally setting aside chronos time and living expectantly for God’s kairos moments. I had the marvelous experience of Sabbath – of resting into God’s grace and presence.

Jesus lived fully engaged in chronos time while also remaining in tune with God’s kairos activity. When his disciples wanted to go to a festival, he replied, “My time has not yet come, but your time is always here.” (John 7:6) Jesus knew it wasn’t God’s time for him to publicly attend the festival, and he held back. Thank God Jesus’ time did come, for he was indeed God’s central kairos event to pierce through our chronos world.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Psalm 126When the lord brought back the captives to Zion,

we were like men who dreamed.Our mouths were filled with laughter,

our tongues with songs of joy.36

Then it was said among the nations,the Lord has done great things for them.

The Lord has done great things for us,and we are filled with joy.

Restore our fortunes, O Lord,like streams in the Negev.

Those who sow in tearswill reap with songs of joy.He who goes out weeping,

carrying seed to sow,Will return with songs of joy,carrying sheaves with him.

Isaiah 43: 19-21See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a

way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the

desert and streams in the wasteland,to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise.


A Prophet’s Renewal

We know almost nothing about the prophet Habakkuk, author of a short book in the Old Testament. There is no consensus on when or where he lived, other than the speculation that it was about 600 BC in Jerusalem.

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His book reveals that he was a man who loved God and desired God’s closeness and protection, but who faced calamity all about him and lamented the apparent absence of God in that world of grief and sorrow. He laments, “How long, O Lord, shall I cry, and you will not hear? Shall I cry out to you as I suffer violence and you will not save?” As the enemies of God’s people appear to triumph over them and death seems certain to come upon them, Habakkuk cries out, “Were you not from the beginning, O Lord my God, my Holy One, and we will never die?”

He calls to God, as we call to God, for answers as to why we suffer. We know that we have a good and loving God watching over us, and yet we are in pain so often. Physical pain at times, but also anxiety, and loneliness, and perhaps hunger. Our sins weigh upon us. Lent is a time to ponder all this and to seek renewal in God.

God has already given both us and Habakkuk that assurance. To us, God gave his only Son to become human and to suffer as we suffer that, in union with him, we will have abundant life now and in the world to come. God gave Habakkuk a more basic assurance that he would triumph over his enemies, giving the prophet’s people the peace they longed for.

Habakkuk wonders, as perhaps we wonder, what will come next? Even if God sweeps away his enemies, will some ruin and misery persist? It doesn’t matter, the prophet says. He is going to wait to see what God does and, whatever happens, he is going love God. In Chapter 3:17-19, Habakkuk says, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength….”

Problems and worries will persist, but our assurance is that we will see the splendor of the rising sun, Risen Son on Easter Day.


The Practice of Meditation

It’s a journey of expansionsome language

a thought

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a wordand when you are close to infinity

there is a sweetness at its edgeconsciousness that just is

no yesterdaysnothing tomorrow

no appointments to keepnone missed

you can’t speak itbecause the words have yet to form

the experience is unfoldingon the level of feeling

and it’s about expansionand it’s about boundaries

and it’s about silenceand it’s about you

and meand God

and perfect pirouettesit’s about dancing


Uncomfortable Grace

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.” Job 5:17-18

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Because we are God's children, we are tempted to think our lives should be easier and more comfortable, but that is not what the Bible teaches. God uses our struggles as part of his plan.

Other than time serving in the Army in Viet Nam, I have had a privileged and comfortable life. Personally, I believe the illness that I am fighting is what God needed to get my attention. Certainly, it is not what I would have chosen. Although I understand that God has allowed it, I am learning from it, growing closer to God through it. It is what I call "uncomfortable grace."

I know God is faithful and that he has a plan or purpose for my life after I am healed from this laryngeal cancer – a plan or purpose that ultimately will transform me. I pray he will complete the transformation he has begun....that is what I call “uncomfortable grace.”

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Redemption and Grace

"And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into his plans." Romans 8:28: (Living Bible)

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Immediately after my younger son was killed by a drunk driver, I thought my world - as I knew it - was over.

In the days, weeks and months afterward, I could barely function - even though I was determined to appear strong for my older son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Months later, I walked into the office of my Human Resources Director and collapsed in tears. Lying on a sofa in the stillness of her office that day, John 3:16 suddenly came to my mind: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." From that point on, I realized, by His grace, that if God could sacrifice His only Son for the entire world, I should be willing to give my son to God for His purposes.

One of those purposes has been the work of his three children who have worked tirelessly with police departments throughout upstate New York on the DARE (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program. They are changing the lives of thousands of students and their families with their testimonies, telling how someone who drove while impaired affected them and their families.

God's grace is sufficient no matter what happens in this earthly life.

Friday, April 12, 2019

My Christ Candle

Originally, I wrote this as an Advent reflection. With a couple of changes, it seems to fit with the season of Lent, especially as we approach Holy Week and focus on penitence, redemption and reconciliation and grace.

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Our Christmas candle-lighting culminates in the lighting of the fifth candle in the center of the Advent wreath. This is referred to as the Christ candle. It often symbolizes the Christ candle that we carry within us. Most days, we carry Christ inside us with His love and peace surrounding us. However, there are times, even on our better days, when we leave the candle standing alone, unlit – or, if not unlit, greatly subdued.

How often we light the candle to its full flame depends on us. God is always there waiting for us. It is up to us to slow down our thoughts, feelings, and activities to the point at which we can rest into God’s grace and let the full light of Christ shine in us.

At those times when we feel the full light of Christ in us, we can both experience the excitement of our awareness of God’s presence and wrap ourselves in Christ’s light and peace and calm.

Ahead of us, Holy Week has some dark days. Blessedly, we know they end in God’s ultimate expression of light and hope – Christ’s resurrection! As we journey toward the cross, the grave and the resurrection, may we be fully mindful of God’s light within us, keeping it well lit, and never wandering without it.

Praise be, Jesus! Thank you for the incredible gift of your love. In response, may I ever be mindful of caring for my Christ candle within.

Saturday, April 13, 2019At Home in Community

Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of

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pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. John 12: 1-3

If I were faced with a monumental crisis – a life-or-death surgery, perhaps – I would want to spend time before it with those about whom I care the most and those who care the most about me. I’d like to share stories and good food. I’d want time and space to pray, to reflect, to prepare for what was in front of me.

We find Jesus, six days before the Passover, returning to Bethany, returning to friends, returning to the scene of one of his extraordinary miracles. Bethany was home to Lazarus, Martha and Mary – Jesus’ friends. John lets us look in on a comfortable, familiar scene. Martha, true to her nature, has gone out of her way to honor Jesus with food and hospitality. Lazarus is there also. Can you imagine the debt of gratitude he brings? At least some of the disciples were there. And then there is Mary with her magnificent gift of anointing.

My guess is there were walks in the neighborhood, quiet times for prayer and reflection, tender moments with those close to Jesus. There were also crowds of folks who had come to see Lazarus and marvel at the man raised from the dead. There were crowds that came to see Jesus – and, I suspect, ask for his healing and blessing.

And just outside our field of vision, the chief priests are planning to kill Jesus and Lazarus in order to preserve their power and their ritual way of life.

All of this is against the backdrop of preparation for Passover, one of the holiest of times for the Jews.

And, at the center of it all, Jesus. Jesus - at home in community. Jesus - with his face steadfastly set toward Jerusalem.

Palm Sunday, April 14, 2019

Royal Welcome

As he approached Bethphage and Bethany, at the hill called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ tell him, ‘The Lord needs it.’” Luke 19: 29-38

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Those who were sent ahead went and found it just as he had told them. As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?” They replied, “The Lord needs it.”

They brought the colt to Jesus, threw their cloaks on its back and put Jesus on it. As he went along, people spread their cloaks on the road. When he came near the place where the road goes down to the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen.

“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!”

“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples.”

“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”


Cleaning House

Then he entered the temple area and began driving out those who were selling. "It is written,” he said to them, “My house will be a house of prayer, but you have made it a ‘den of robbers.”’ Every day he was teaching at the temple. But the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the leaders among the people, were trying to kill him. Yet they could not find any way to do it, because all the people hung on his words. Luke 19: 45-38

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Jesus has completely upset the establishment’s apple cart. Jesus knows that the Jewish leaders are out to kill him, but he sticks steadfastly to his mission. He knows that the time is coming when, temporarily, they will gain the upper hand. In the meantime, he is going to be in their face – actively driving out those that sought to make a profit on the worship of and sacrifice to God.

There is no “go along and get along” in Jesus.

Jesus made it clear that each of us is God’s temple and he very much wants to be our Lord. What in our lives and hearts would Jesus cleanse? What money tables would he turn over? What false sacrifices would he have us get rid of?


Threshold of Belief

Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved praise from men more than praise from God. John 12: 42-43

On Sunday, Christ made his triumphal entry into Jerusalem. On Monday, he cleared the temple of its worldly distractions. It seems that he spent much of Tuesday and

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Wednesday teaching in the temple and healing. Much of his oh-so-limited time he spent in direct conversation with the very people who were trying to get rid of him.

I would love to have been there, to have been one of those watching and listening, to be one of those whose hearts and minds were moved by this extraordinary teacher, this Son of God. I fear that I would have been like many of those who believed but who could not confess it because they feared the power of their religious leaders, feared the social pressure.

How many times have I failed to confess Jesus as Lord publicly? How many times have I failed to follow His lead? What are the voices, desired approvals or fears of consequences that keep me silent when I should speak?

Jesus understands that there are many who believe, who want to believe, but who are constrained by their own religious and cultural identity. John tells us that, in response, Jesus cries out, “When a man believes in me, he does not believe in me only, but in the one who sent me. . . . For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it.” John 12: 44-46

That is the Good News we hold on to, the Good News we are told to share.

God, help my unbelief! God give me courage and strength to testify and serve.


Living in Two Worlds

“(The spies questioned him). . . . Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” He saw through their duplicity and said to them, "Show me a denarius. Whose portrait and inscription is on it?” “Caesar’s,” they replied. He said, “Then give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” Luke 20: 22-26

God knows that I live in a secular world – that I am both a spiritual and a human being. And God knows that I am often pulled and torn between the two. Yes, I have been paying

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my taxes – state and federal – for a long time. But what about some of those other places where the pulls and tugs and crunches show up?

One of the first that comes to mind for me is the work-life-spirit balance. My boss and I once did a month-long audit to see how much time we spent on “the job” each week. Both of us were working at a pace that left very little time for family and friends and the daily elements of living. I certainly was not giving 10% of my time to my faith life – even when I included the time I gave to a couple of wonderful not-for-profit organizations. And I certainly could not say that I prayed without ceasing.

But that begs the question. Christ asks that I give nothing less than everything to Him. I am asked to live my life trying to put God in the forefront of everything that I do – how I handle my job, my relationships, my leisure. That same “no go along, get along” Jesus.

A few verses later in Chapter 21, Christ says to us, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put all she had to live on.”

Jesus turned religious and social culture on its head. But he promised through his life and example and the presence of the Holy Spirit to sustain us as we try to follow.

Maundy Thursday, April 18, 2019

Bereft

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. John 13:1

Now we come to Maundy Thursday and the darkness gathers. Christ and the disciples are sharing the Passover Meal. Christ departs from script and washes the disciples’ feet.

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For years, I stayed back, neither having my feet washed nor letting anyone wash my feet. Then I made my timid beginning. And I got to wash the very large, very old, very gnarly feet of one of my favorite parishioners! It was one of those “Here am I” moments that is still real and fresh in my memory. It was as if God had said, “OK, you’re in. Now get all in and get it done.” It’s still a very poignant Maundy Thursday moment - every time.

We move from foot-washing to stripping the altar. I always feel bereft when the altar was stripped and bare. One rector used reeds to thoroughly scrub the altar and heighten the effect. That miserable feeling reminds me of how at a loss the disciples must have felt as they saw their Lord and Master arrested, led away, convicted in a mockery of a trial, crucified and put away in a tomb.

What a fabulous advantage we have – we know the rest of the story. And still, every Maundy Thursday I feel bereft, empty, alone.

As we move through the three days of the Passion of our Lord, let us cling tightly to our faith and tightly to each other.

Light is coming, but first the awful dark.

God will hold us all close.

Triduum

Three-Day Immersion

A family waits in the lobby of the maternity ward for the birth of their newest member. Day turns into night and then another day passes. A brother and sister stay at the hospice with their father during the last days of his life. Nurses come and go, meals are brought in, turns are taken to catch some sleep.

Times like these are extraordinary. They are distinct from ordinary rhythms marked by days and hours and minutes. They are singular events even though they may span several days. We keep vigil. We give our attention and energy, our prayers and passion. We

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breathe with the mother in labor. We watch every breath of the loved one until we take in the profound silence at the end of life.

The time between Maundy Thursday and Easter is an extraordinary time for Christians. We call it the Triduum, a three-day immersion into the mystery of what it is to be Christian and to be Church. Those who keep the Triduum follow Jesus in his suffering and death and join him in resurrected life and new creation.

On Maundy Thursday we begin a vigil with Jesus. We enter the upper room to share a meal and a foot-washing with him. While his closest disciples could not watch and wait with him, we try to do our part and take turns keeping watch through the night until Good Friday, when we recall his trial and follow him through his agony and death. On Saturday we contemplate life without him as his body lies in the tomb. Then we feel a quickening in our souls when the Light of Christ is carried through the darkened church at the beginning of the Great Vigil of Easter. As the light increases, we renew our baptismal vows and let our Alleluias resound. He lives! He is present among us as we gather in his name!

Our Lenten journey together has prepared us for this extraordinary and holy time.

Beyond Easter

Easter People – Alleluia!

We have journeyed together through Lent, sharing these reflections. I find that each of them has been written by Easter persons - people who know a risen Lord and live in his resurrection.

Each one of us, as we live in Christ and Christ lives in us, has the joy of being able to see the Light of Christ in every circumstance, even the darkest times. Because of God’s victory over death, because the power of Love is stronger than the power of death, we can know and witness a reality that is always, ever, Love-infused. If we look for this death-defying Love in anything - everything! - we can surely find it and claim it.

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I wonder what the world was like for Jesus’ disciples after his resurrection. They had to have burst forth, leaving the upper room of their doubts and fears, a tomb of sorts, empty. Their fear and hopelessness were transformed into a courageous hope that could not be contained. And that hope continues to be unleashed in all of us Easter people.

Jesus tells us not to be afraid. He tells us he is with us in every present moment. He promises to go before us so that we will meet him as the future unfolds. What other response can there be but Alleluia! Alleluia every day!

Notes

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Thank you!! to our St. Paul’s WritersRev. Deacon Cheryl Brainard

Keith CalderJenny CallisonAshley Eason

Herb GantThe Rev. Randy Green

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Eugenia GretzEmily Woodson Hanano

Kathryn HedgepethRoyster Hedgepeth

Steve MartinCy Oberle

The Rev. Adam PierceDan SanchezLeon Tillery

Lucretia TychoskiThe Rev. Dr. Dena Whalen

Dawn WilsonPatricia Woolston

Larry WrightMerry Ann Wright

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