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Appendices...

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APPENDIX A1 — My response

At the time of starting this self-portrait, I resonate strongly with those who lost their loved ones in the Black Saturday bush fires in Victoria in February 2009. I had just lost my mother months ago and I felt like I could fall apart in the aftermath in all this shock and despair. I imagined the fear of those being caught in the struggle to survive... and I thought of mum. I was so worried for her that I got caught up in the whirl of tending to others, I forgot myself. I cried in grief and wondered where do I go from here now that she is gone? I decided to paint this messy, burnt out place. Perhaps this may help me release the negative effects of such great loss. The paint looked charcoal black, like the cinders of a fire. I smear red, orange and yellow to indicate a fire is burning... the fire of cremation... the fire that burns at my heart. The paint feels messy – I don’t care. I want it more destructive, more volatile... more lost than ever. As I rub away some of the darker black areas I see how the smoky greys conceal what is there. And discover I have concealed my own fight in this mess. I feel indecision... what does the painting tell me to do next? I feel the heavy breath – it seems hard to take a full breath in. My lungs feel like they carry a large lump of tar in the lower parts that stop me from living fully. This sadness over-whelms me like this lost life is too much to bear. I drip watery droplets onto the area that hurt. I sit on the edge, and the area of mum’s ghostly spirit. I feel she is already gone before she dies... I dread this long painful exit she travels. I get an urge to protect my disappearing self as she disappears. I think it acts as a buffer zone. Perhaps it lightens up this dark messy place. It lightens me up a little, and I skip the brush out of this space with arching white lines which feel complete. I sign it. It tells me of our separating ways of departure in this space. After one year, I return to the work, and I realise it is not finished. I see how lost I am in there. It seems mum is going in one direction but I am going nowhere. I see a faint spot of paint that could be mum... like we are shoulder hugging. I feel different in this space now that time has separated us more so. I don’t feel passive, sad or numb. I’m invited to enter this painting into an exhibition. This invitation has lifted my spirits. I make some changes where I am seen differently than before. I realise I want to arrive and not depart. I now stand more upright, strong and present. I notice the floating white marks catch my attention. I feel the connection, not to hold on tightly, rather just holding, but not letting go. I paint the leaves, leaving, and letting go.... not knowing where they are going.

I sense the fortitude in my new position.

APPENDIX A2 — Lisa’s response

My personal experience and response to participating as a portrait subject for Raelean Hall’s dissertation research... I found the whole experience very positive, interesting and intriguing. During the first sitting, I initially felt nervous and exposed. It was new territory for me, and I was not comfortable talking about myself. Raelean has an amazing skill of digging deeper to get to the feelings and this also was worrying, as I was not sure what would be exposed in this line of enquiry. Once we started talking about my upcoming trip to Uganda, I relaxed and was more comfortable chatting about the issues in northern Uganda and what I imagined I would face there I guess the more factual information was easier for me to discuss! During the course of the sitting I realised that I was not clear on my feeling about the trip, or even whether I was scared or fearful about the trip. I had also not considered how seeing the poverty, disease etc., would affect me. It made me realise that either I was purposely blocking out these thoughts, or simply was not worried. It also made me consider if perhaps I was simply too shallow and not caring enough about these issues? This was a bit disconcerting I guess, as I questioned my own self and depth of thoughts and feelings. Raelean mentioned that chatting to me was like a game of tennis I believe, and this feedback has stayed with me, as it made me consider that perhaps I just talk AT people instead of actively engaging with them and listening to them. I have not really had this opportunity to reflect on my own personality and behaviour, and perhaps it is more comfortable not knowing these things, particularly if they are negative! I worry that in my counselling profession, that I may not be listening properly and as Raelean said just talking facts! During the first interview, Raelean did some work using toys and we discussed how I positioned myself with the person I travelled with. This was really helpful to me, as the planning of the trip was so difficult in terms of the person I travelled with. It was useful to discuss this and to see how much our differing personality and working styles was affecting me. This part of the discussion did not come out in the painting but was helpful anyway. When I saw the painting, I was simply blown away and amazed at Raelean’s ability to portray the feelings and my predictions of what I would experience once arriving in Uganda. It was spot on, and really quite an emotional experience to see a picture of myself so accurately portrayed. I had spoken about feeling very small in the context of the trip, and Raelean used an amazing technique to portray that feeling, while keeping the ME central to the picture as well. I loved the

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APPENDIX A3 — Natalie’s response

I had been struggling with an inner aspect of myself for a couple of weeks and was curious as to how this would manifest both in the art therapy process and as a subject for portrait art. Raelean guides the process subtly which gives you both a sense of freedom and structure, essential to allow expression while keeping the session within the parameters of a ‘sitting’. I find sand play with representational figures worked well for me as it takes me away from my left brain/logical thoughts. Through Raelean’s intuitive questioning, the exploration moved more deeply and insightfully, and there-fore I found that I continued to positively process our discussion for weeks afterwards. At the end of the session, when taking the photo for the portrait, I naturally posed in a way that expressed the feeling state I found myself in at that point. Viewing the completed portrait was an experience in itself. I felt the painting captured perfectly the confusion, turmoil, polarity and regret behind the issue we spoke about, but also there was a very tangible extension of my essence as well. I ‘saw’ myself in it and even thought this felt a bit vulnerable, I was awed at the power within the portrait. Paradoxically, it also represented to me the space in which my spiritual growth is leading me to. A place of balance and centeredness, untouched by the chaos of everyday life. In that respect Raelean has managed to, in the one portrait, capture the distillation of light and dark, future and past, luminosity and shadow, all two sides of the one coin. Natalie Hennessey (September 2009)

APPENDIX A2 continued...

colours, textures, lines and positioning of everything. After I returned from the trip, we met again to chat, and I was very excited and felt joyful about my experience in Uganda. I was so pleased that Raelean portrayed this joy using the colour yellow, and was able to include this joyful hope in the painting with the use of the bracelets, that initially was a bit depressing. Depressing is not really the correct word, per-haps the sad truth of reality and lack of hope. I found it difficult to sit and look at the painting, in terms of having to describe to Raelean what I could see, lines here, and colour there etc. I felt that I let Raelean down during this section, as I don’t really visualise things so well. Overall, I enjoyed the whole experience. It helped me to clarify my thoughts and feelings about going to Uganda. I also value that type of art, as it has meaning and depth, rather than perhaps a simple sitting for a portrait. A lot more interesting than just sitting still! Lisa Lindley (18th August 2009)

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My personal experience and response to participating as a portrait subject for Raelean Hall’s dissertation and research. Initially I found myself being caught in the loop between wondering how I was appearing to the interviewer, and how my internal self was perceiving the experience. To see this split between self and other evoked my history of disembodiment in the presence of the gaze, and though I didn’t disclose this particularly in the interview, I see how it has been attended to in the finished portrait. Previously the notion of the “portrait” evoked for me that formal interpretation of another, where appearance is somewhat crafted and response prescribed. This process seems to differ in that it intends faithfulness to the experience of the energetic ‘feel’ evoked during the sitting. It became a substantiation of the substantial part of me, and despite the insubstantial watery nature of my journey, my response to the portrait was of relief. I was seen. I enjoyed the challenge to gently and softly review my beliefs around these issues. During the process, it seemed the intention for the work created a holding space. My blind contribution was met by Raelean in a way that I could be reminded of the sanity and validity of this journey. For me this has been an experience of receiving a long absent reflection. Thank You. Signed: Jean Blyth Dated: 26.03.10

APPENDIX A4 — Jean’s response APPENDIX A5 — Sharon’s response

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When I first read Raelean’s letter asking if I would pose for painting I was taken aback. I didn’t know why I was picked I certainly didn’t feel I was some kind of celebrity. So at first I wasn’t sure if it was in my best interests. I thought the least I could do was hear Raelean’s reasons for asking me. I was a little apprehensive but she was very easy to talk to and I may have been hard to stop once I started opening up about my experiences with the legal system and my experience inside prison for over a decade. I remember relating to her that one of the reasons I survived my ordeal was due to my acute sense of humour and I was pleased that she chose to incorporate that into her painting. I was blown away with the end result. It was very powerful with its use of words and she captured my likeness too well for my own liking. It reminded me of just how fickle life can be and how many wasted years I spent locked up for a crime I didn’t commit, a heinous crime that once again unsolved and a blight on our legal system. Looking back now, I am honoured that I was asked to participate. Graham Stafford

21/07/2012

Raelean, I am sorry about your lost message at work today. I have a patient with a similar name and when my nurse said would I be involved in a PhD study, I said "No" as I really do not have the time at present (acrimonious divorce and practice dissolving at present-so lots of stress). I forgot all about you and the portrait I guess as it has been so long. I am happy for you to use anything you like. My only comment is perhaps I was expecting more of a painted portrait of me rather than just the lines. Perhaps I feel so empty at present, it is appropriate...

All the best Melissa White 14/03/2012

APPENDIX A6 — Melissa’s response APPENDIX A7 — Graham’s response

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APPENDIX B Images of our movements

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APPENDIX B Images of our movements

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APPENDIX C— Mikes response

On behalf of myself, Mike Newberry, and the year 9 visual art students from Kawana Waters State College, we would like to thank Raelean Hall for sharing her working knowledge as a successful professional artist (and art therapist) presenting her exegesis exhibition “Between process and product” at the Caloundra Regional Gallery. Thirteen students were introduced to Raelean’s relational approach to portraiture which emphasised the therapeutic process to arrive at the finished art product. The students benefited greatly from our visit, where Raelean explained the process of portrait development, especially the use of personal materials and imagery, and even allowed the students to touch surfaces of her works in order to investigate techniques further. The students enjoyed this high level of engagement in learning to see, hear and feel the artworks, exploring new ways of viewing portraiture. We discovered how the many layers of meaning come from the conversations between Raelean and her sitters. We were interested in how Raelean invites each sitter to actively explore their world of knowing to enhance the relational experience. The students discovered how Raelean and the sitter would talk about significant aspects of the sitter’s life which are revealed over time in the many layers of each artwork. We were all curious about how this new way for creating meaning through spontaneous art-making and conversations, helps actively and imaginatively reveal more expressive elements to identify them in their story.

Learning how the basic sense (or essence) of the story can be verbally and creatively expressed by the sitter and artist was very enlightening. We enjoyed hearing about the building of layers that complemented the sitter’s story, and how the ending is often a place of acceptance of the sitter in their story.

The Kawana students were suitably impressed with the critical depth this relational Portrait process lends to the development of “character” within the works, as well as Raelean’s technical control and approach with mixed media incorporating materials which at times, seems to be of relevance to the sitter. Students also com-mented that the emotive aspects of each portrait and the hidden stories behind each sitter were revealed, rather than just their likeness. The College would like to thank Raelean for her time on the day she was able to hold one on one conversations with many of the students as they completed a short interactive viewing and this approach will certainly enhance their future artmaking practise, particularly given that most of the students will be continuing their art studies in year 10 in 2013, in which the ‘Portrait Genre’ features as an important course component for their studies. Regards, Mike Newberry 4th March, 2013

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Glossary...

Axiology - is the philosophical study of the value of our being, in the way we ethically and aesthetically value our opinions and perspective, where the rightness of our thinking and feeling is explored to determine our axiological position (or worldview). Alterity - is where we sensitively recognise and discriminate our self and the other, seeking to understand the not-quite-known qualities of our relational inter-subjective space. Amplification - occurs when deeper explorations are made by expanding or extending connections and associations. Additional and often novel feelings, sensing, intuiting and knowing arise, to be considered and reflected upon for greater meaningfulness. Bracketing - also called epoché, is the act of suspending judgement about the nature of things in the world, where we set aside our preconceived notions of what we think we know, to avoid inference, and to seek authentic experience through neutral perception. Bricolage - is the diverse or multiple ways in which we arrange or create our world of understanding. It is the resourcefulness of creating with various methods, theories, skills and presentations to arrive at different ways of knowing. Catalytic validity - a transformative validating way of researching ourselves in our world, where we find self-understanding in and through intersubjective world. Companioning - in the creative therapeutic setting of agreed participation the trained therapist stays attentive to what the client presents, searching for mean-ingfulness in an authentic way that shares a common goal in understanding core values and choices which we make in our world. Co-construction - is concerned with the nature and scope of knowledge gained through an interactive inquiry that focuses on the process of experiencing. Co-construction occurs in the collaborative co-created ways of a relational inquiry to seek meaningful ways of knowing.

Content in process - is the relational presence of what is presented and how it is presented which may illuminate new ways of knowing ourselves in the process. Dialogical - a synthesis of understanding during communication that considers the internal dialogues with that of external dialogues. Sometimes profound states of interconnection occur where associations bring new meaning. Embodied knowing– emphasises the creative and therapeutic role of the body to form and shape meaning. Emergent - an unplanned yet active and engaging attempt to discover meaning of experience through a sense of connectedness while thinking, feeling, sensing, and intuiting. Creative spontaneity, surprise, and wonder may lead to greater transparency and relevance. Epistemology - is the study or theory of knowledge, or the construction of making sense of how we experience ourselves in our world. It is both subjective and intersubjective as we explore our own sense of knowing while relationally connecting with others and our environment. Epistemic curiosity - in the hope of easing or resolving uncertainty, we are motivated to search for more information to gain new perspectives. Essence - is the reduction of the very nature of the subject or object in question. It is the fundamental quintessential aspect to reduce broad meaning into a very potent and simplified account. Experiencing - In the creative therapeutic inquiry, we naturally move through cycles of perceived sensations in a non-linear and sometimes unpredictable fashion. As we immerse in life’s encounters we have an opportunity to think through action rather than think through theory, where experience is a precursor to knowledge. Experiential - the knowledge of our being is gained through experience. We may gain knowledge of our patterns of being multimodally, as we rely on our senses of kinetic presence, by touch, sight, hearing, smelling and tasting.

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Glossary...

Ekphrastic/Ekphrasis - is the multidimensional and sensitive way of representing other people and cultures through a grounded discipline of uniting image and text. It combines visual and verbal response to evoke greater understanding. Felt sense - is the philosophy of how we come to know something new when we attend to embodied felt sensing, where interaction with the world is prior to conceptually understanding the world. Our felt sense is rooted in our experience of ourselves in our world. Haptic - when a person is directly involved in the artmaking, they are emotionally driven and consciously involved in the action. The haptic learner relates to and draws directly out of experience, expressing details and resonance to amplify evocative moments that carry felt meaning. Intersubjectivity - is the meeting place between self and other, where connectivity and receptivity interplay for greater understanding. It is the relational space between ourselves and the other where we begin to understand ourselves and others in the world through social interaction. Even in the divergence of shared meaning, reflective and pre-reflective connections join us in resonance to what lies between our private and public worlds. Intersubjective Response (ISR) - is a resonant connecting response pertaining to current experience between two or more people. ISR’s can be made via various forms, such as verbalised, creating an artwork, or effecting a movement that shows felt resonance in co-creative and co-constructed ways. Multimodality - is the mixture of textual, audio, and visual modes of creating, receptively combining different mediums and materials to represent new ways of perceiving, thus forming new meanings. Noema - is the what of experience. This involves our choice in what we decide to pay attention to, in order to clarify our perceptions. Noesis - is the how of experience. That is how we choose objects and mediums to

express ourselves, and how we engage with them. Ontology - is the study of the nature of our being, of what we believe we know through our own sense or worldview. This involves searching for greater under-standing of our values, beliefs, and emotional states in and with the world. Optimal intersubjectivity - is when we optimise collaborative relations, where engagement should be open and flexible to uncertainty and ambiguity, be reflective, reflexive and creative for greater congruence, all the while maintaining emotional efficacy. Participatory inquiry - is research based on a subjective-objective ontology, valuing and searching for new ways of knowing through experiential, presentational, propositional, and practical methods of inquiry. In short, our experience can be presented (creatively), in practical active ways, which allows us to propose new ways of knowing. It is a cyclic process of experiences, presentations, propositions, and practical actions to form new awareness and self/other understanding. Phenomenology - is the subjective tendency of how we see and experience the phenomena of things. It is more about the essential inherent qualities of the subject or object in question, rather than an interpretive account what we claim to know. Phenomenology is not a theory rather a phenomena under consideration. Postmodern - is a contemporary movement that breaks away from traditional views. Post-positivist - is a paradigm of inquiry that does not assume an all-knowing positivist (or traditional) stance, but rather holds subjectivity as equally valid in the exploration of knowledge. Reduction to essence - purposely condensing the data and narrowing the scope of potentially inexhaustible material to find clarity of knowing.

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Glossary...

Reflexivity - a looping or turning back to one’s sense of experience for multiple perspectives. Reflexivity requires the presence of self so that we are in touch with our sensing, especially in how we engage with ourselves and others while co-constructing meaning in and through shared experience. Relational - however we interact, we are always in relation to others in our world for shared understanding. Representation - a creative expressive form that gives shape to meaning. Representations may be visual, verbal or kinetic and offer an alternative way of symbolising or presenting meaningfulness of experience. SHF - an abbreviation for Seeing, Hearing and Feeling. Tacit knowledge - we may explore how implicit ways of experiencing can be turned into explicit meaning, relatively embodying thoughts, feelings and kinaesthetic experiences to invite deeper ways of knowing. Telepresence - potential of the creative mind, where a person can imaginatively project (envision) themselves for closer intersubjective connections with others. Temporary approximation to meaning - The unfolding or building upon ways of knowing. It is not a conclusion, rather a point of arrival that may change as new ways of knowing come forth.

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Glossary... Transdisciplinary - research carried out by researchers from different disciplines to collaboratively work together to create new methods, concepts, theories and innovations. Pre-reflective knowing - is when implicit understanding is present yet we may not quite know or be aware of its presence. Pre-reflective knowing is often inarticulate, and remains just below the surface of our attention ready to be attended to reach new ways of knowing. Through various creative forms of inquiry, we can fine tune our embodied sensing (pre-reflective knowing) to find deeper meaning of our experiencing. Hence, we mediate inklings into awareness. Qualitative research - is a multi-faceted approach for the discovery of knowing, whereby many different ways of collecting and interpreting data is achieved through traditional and non-traditional methods.