Real-World Dangers in an Online Reality:A Qualitative Study Examining Online

Relationships and Cyber AbuseFaye Mishna, Alan McLuckie, and Michael Saint

Children and youths use electronic technology such as the Internet more than any othermedium through v^hich to communicate and socialize. To understand the phenomenon ofcyber abuse from children's and youths" perspectives, the authors examined anonymous postsmade by children ¿ind youths to a free. 24-hour, national, bilingual phone and Web counseling.referral, and information service.The children and youths were between 11 and 24 years ofage (average = 14 years). This analysis of anonymous posts by children and youths providesinformation about their involvement in online interactions and their experiences with cyberabuse. Findings revealed the regularity and importance of the Internet and communicationtechnology for socialization: the forms, extent, and impact of cyber abuse; and children andyouths' fear of disclosing cyber abuse to adults, particularly parents. Iniplication-i for parents,social workers, and other practitioners, researchers, and policymakers are discussed.

KEY WORDS: children; cyber abuse; online interactions; online socialization; youth.^

Long before the rise of the Internet genera-tion,media mogul Marshall McLuhan (1964)declared, "the medium is the message."This

timeless allocution remains relevant in today s society,in which online technology' shapes how humanscommunicate. Communication technology is grow-ing exponentially with each successive generationas a central fixture within our society. Children andyouths use technology such as the Internet morethan any other medium through which to com-municate ;ind socialize (Kaynay &; Yelsma, 2000;Nie &• Hiilygus, 2002).The rapid increase in use ofthe Internet and other forms of technology such asinstant messaging,e-mail,social networkingsites.andWebcams has enabled children and youths to engagein a vast array of experiences beyond the confinesof their homes, schools, and local communities. Al-though most of these online interactions are neutralor positive (Finkelhor, Mitchell, & Wolak, 2000), theaccessibility and anonymity of electronic technol-ogy may place children and youths at heightenedrisk for victimization (Ybarra, 2004). Long-standingthreats such as abuse have evolved within these newtechnologies, allowing children and youths to bevictimized by people of all ages who are both knownand unknown to them and regardless of geographicproximit)-' (Kanani &: Rcgehr, 2003).

The purpose of this article is to increase under-standing of children and youths' online interac-tions and experiences of cyber abuse. We reporton an examination of concerns posted by childrenand youths about online interactions and abuse toCanada's only anonymous national, toll-free, 24-hour, bilingual phone and Web counseling, referral,and information service for children and youthsbetween the ages of 4 and 20 years.There has beena veritable explosion of traffic through the Web sitesince it was launched in 2004.

The vast majority of time children and youthsspend on the Internet is devoted to social commu-nication and interactions, both with their existingnetworks and with people they meet online (Gross,2004; Wolak, MitcheU, & Finkelhor, 2003). Gross(2004) surveyed 261 students in grades 7 and 10and found that, on average, students engaged in40 minutes of instant messaging per day, which farexceeded the time they spent on any other onhneactivity. Seventy-five percent of a sample compris-ing youths between 15 and 19 years of age usedthe Internet to instant message with their friends(Statistics Canada, 2001). Although the majority oíyouths communicate online with other individualsthey already know (Gross. 2004:VaIkenburg &• Peter.2007), approximately 14% state that they meet and

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develop close relationships witb people not previ-ously known to chem (Wolak et al.,2003). Evidencesuggests that students' use of the Internet to com-municate with others whom they already know hasan overall positive impact on che quality of theirfriendships and romantic relationships (Biais, Craig,Pepler.& Connolly,20i)8;Valkenburg& Peter,2007).Little research, however, has examined relationshipsformed online, including the factors associated withindividuals who meet and form these relationships.The sparse evidence suggests tbat youths who formonline relationships with strangers may be vulner-able (Biais et al., 2008; McKenna & Bargh, 1998;Wolak et al., 2003).

"Cyber abuse" is a term that encompasses a widerange of aggressive online activities, including bul-lying.stalking,sexual solicitation,and pornography.Cyber abuse occurs insidiously via Web-basedand other forms of modern technology. Cyberbullying includes the use of e-mail, cell phones,and Internet sites to threaten, harass, embarrass,exclude, or damage reputations and friendships.Cyber stalking, as an extension of physical stalking,involves electronic mediums such as che Internetto pursue, harass, or contact another in an unso-licited fashion. Cyber sexual solicitation is the useof electronic mediums to identify, "groom," andentice individuals to perform sexual acts on oroffline. Pornography includes the production anddissemination of graphic sexual content throughtechnology such as the Internet and cell phones.Children and youths can experience cyber abuseanywhere they access the Internet or other moderncommunication technologies, including home orschool—settings believed, rightly or wrongly, tobe safe havens.

There is a growing body of research on cyberabuse of children and youths (Beran & Li, 2005;Patchm &• Hinduja,2006;Shariff,20O5).Through useof qualitative methodology to examine the posts ofchildren and youths, we provide here a preliminarysketch of their onHne relationships and illuminatecheir experiences of cyber abuse.The poses includedquestions and reflections of che children and youths.These posts were unsolicited and posted by thechildren and youths to initiate Web-based com-munication with counselors. An analysis of theseposts fits well with qualitative methods, given thatqualitative researchers as.sunie an interconnectionbetween humans and their settings and chac an il-lumination of human experience can occur when

researchers go to the location of tbe participants(Bogdan & Büken, 1992).

METHODOur research team comprised three members—theauthors. In addition, cbe research ceam consultedregularly with two key representatives employedin senior positions in tbe Web-based counselingservice thac provided che database used in the cur-rent analysis.

We used a phenonienological approach (Mo-ran, 2000; Moustakes, 1994) to understand andgive meaning to the children and youths' posts. Aphenonienological approach allows researchers toincrease their understanding of the essence of thelived experience.This method examines individualdescriptions of a phenomenon, sucb as cyber abuse,to derive the meaning of che phenomenon. Aphenomenological approach was determined tobe most appropriate because of the importance ofgaining understanding of the essences of these posts.From March 2004 to September 2005, children andyouths posted over 35,000 anonymous messageson the counseling Web site. Posts were stored in ananonymous database. Children and youths postinga message selected a category for tbeir pose frompredetermined, finite choices that included "bully-ing," "friendship," "family," "feelings," "violenceand abuse,""dating,""school," and "bealch."

Given the large number of posts concained wichinthe database.it was deemed necessary first to reducethe sample from 35,000 posts to a sample specificallyrelated Co cyber relationships and cyber abuse.Theresearch team designed and implemented a systemat-ic process to search the large database for chose postsdescribing experiences involving cyber relationshipsand cyber abuse.The initial step required an extensivesearch of all posts made by children and youths tothe predefined Web site categories of "violence andabuse"and"bullying."By conducting a full search ofthese categories, the team discovered posts explicitlyrelated to abuse occurring within cyber-based media.On the basis of children and youths' experiencescaptured through chis strategy, we parceled out keyterms related to various forms of cyber abuse.Thesearch terms included full and truncated forms ofthe following:"chatrooni,""bul]y," "email," "cyber,""MSN," "messaging," "porn," "post," "net," "web,""computer," and "online." The credibility of thesesearch terms was determined through a consultationprocess with key informants from the Web-based

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counseling agency who regularly engage in onlinedialogues with children and youths. The researchteam determined that use of computer searchfunctions with these key terms would be the mostetlicicnt and precise strategy to search the completedatabase for additional posts related to cyber abuseand cyber relationships.

ln the second phase, computer search functionswere used along with key words to identify postsrelated to cyber relationships and cyber abuse. Theteam and key agency representatives met regularlyto review these posts and determine whether theypertained to our topic areas.To ensure that the phe-nomena of cyber relationships and cyber abuse wereaccurately captured, the research team elected toinclude only those posts that made explicit referenceto relationships or abuse occurring within cyber-based media.Through this consultative process, thesample was winnowed from 35,000 to 346 posts.

Sample of PostsThe final sample comprised 346 posts extractedfrom the 35,000 posts. Through a team consulta-tion process, it was determined that saturation wasachieved at 190, because the posts from 190 to 346were very similar to the first 189 posts. The fmalsample comprised 269 (77.7%) posts by femaleparticipants and 75 (21.7%) by male participantsfrom 6 to 24 years of age (Ai = 14.510. SD = 2.292).All but one Canadian province and territory wererepresented.

Data AnalysisCiuided by phenomenological methods of dataanalysis, we first transferred posts into NVivo 2.0(Richards, 1999) and applied the methodology ofreduction by sifting, sorting, and coding the posts sothat themes emerged for all possible meanings (Cre-swell, 1998).The research team members workedindependently while analyzing the data.Thus, eachpost was read by multiple readers, followed by regularmeetings tor review and peer debriefing.To ensurethat the coded experiences reflected the posts, theresearchers "bracketed" their own experiences bysetting aside prejudgments (Moustakes, 1994; Ray,1994). In other words, the researchers made explicitattempts during peer debriefing sessions to considerthe essence of the posts without trying to fit theposts into a pre-existing template based on previousresearch or theoretical frameworks.This consensus-based approach to rigor and credibility ensured that

meanings included only themes that emerged fromthe posts, and it also provided rich reflections.

RESULTS

Despite apparent awareness of the dangers inher-ent to the Internet, the children and youths readilydeveloped cyber relationships. Five major categoriesemerged through analysis ofthe posts: extent andimportance of onhne interactions and relation-ships, online dating, awareness of potential onhnedangers, cyber abuse (bullying, stalking, solicitation,and exposure to online pornography), and not tell-ing parents.

Cyber-Real: Extent and Importance ofOnline Interactions and RelationshipsOverall, the children and yuutlis in this sampleselected for anonymously reporting cyber abuseexperiences described extensive involvement withonline social networks comprising both existingfriends and acquaintances and relationships initiatedand maintained through the Internet. A prominentfinding was that the children and youths stronglyconsidered the relationships developed online tobe as real as relationships in their "real" lives. A keyfmding entailed the children and youths' strongview ofthe Internet as a legitimate forum throughwhich to make and maintain both friendships andromantic relationships. They described meeting"all sorts of people on the net" and characterizedmany of the others in these relationships as "reallygood friends." Online friendships were described as"long term," "trusting." and as highly meaningful,regardless ofthe existence of a real-life component.Phrases such as "she is the only person I can trust"and "I haven't met him irl [in real life] yet but IVeknown him virtually for years" convey the quality ofthese relationships. A youth revealed the connectiontypical ofthe expressed sentiment in stating that heronline friends "MEAN SO MUCH TO ME."

Online DatingFor many ofthe children and youths, the Internetwas an integral component of their romantic andsexual experiences. Many youths as young as 13years old depicted being involved in intense onlinesexual and romantic relationships.These encountersranged from explicit sexual dialogue (referred toas "cybering") and displaying nudity via Webcanis(referred to as "flashing") to long-term monoga-mous relationships that either progressed to actual

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meetings or remained within a cyber context.Theyouths expressed their involvement in terms thatranged from a "crush" to "REALLY connecting" to•"totally in love." Many of the children and youthsdescribed engaging in "cybering." Despite oftenportraying their initial online sexual encounters as"gross," they described participating in further onlinesexual encounters, to which they responded withcomments such as "w//e [whatever] who cares."In many instances, the cybersex was reported to bea precursor to rcal-Hfe sex. One 13-year-old girlwrote, for example, that she "wanted to do onlinesex ñrst"and declared that she now felt" 100% ready4 sex in the real world."

Age discrepancies were evident in a minorityof these online relationships, with girls as young as13 describing dating men older than 18. For themost part, the youtlis involved in online romanticrelationships were older than 16 years of age anddescribed dating someone of similar age. It emergedthat some préadolescents lied about their age, fear-ing that revealing their actual age would scare theironline sexual partner. One girl said her friends often"he about there [sic\ ages... there only 13, they saythere 15 or 17 and use fake pics." When the childrenand youths revealed their true ages to older men,these men apparently dismissed any concern, "liketheir young ages do not even matter." The childrenand youths who engaged in cybersex with peerstypically reported enjoying the "attention." Theydepicted the online sexual activities as detachedand anonymous, which seemed to embolden them.However, a number of the participants expressedfeelings such as being "creeped out" and wonderedif chis activity was "normal."

The youths did not consider meeting in reallife to be a prerequisite for dating or "getting to-gether." Nor did they consider distance relevant,as evidenced hy the many posts that revealed largegeographic distances between people in a relation-ship, with individuals living in such locales as Neu-York, Malaysia, and New Zealand. Despite theyouths acknowledging in many posts that theywould "NEVER get a chance to meet" their onlineboyfriend or girlfriend, many depicted long-termrelationships, in some cases lasting upwards of threeyears. According to the youths, these relationshipswere sustained through "almost daily" contactthrough e-mail. Webcam, and in some cases tele-phone. The youths asserted that the relationshipsmade them feel "special," and many reported

that the online boyfriend or girlfriend was the"only person that gets" them. Most of the youthsdescribed their feelings blossoming "quickly," "im-mediately," or "right away."

Still, a minority of posts revealed that the youthshad strong doubts about the significance andsustainability of these relationships. Some youthsquestioned issues such as whether "my feelings arereal," whether the relationship is "love or sumfm[sic] else," and whether this "relationship will everwork." Doubts about cyber relationships wereeloquently expressed by one youth: "he sais [sic]he loves me but I'm not sure, as I said before, it'sonly the computer. I'm not sure he tells the truth."Even with doubts, many youths were reluctant toend the relationships for various reasons, such as fearof being alone. For example, one teenager wrote,"I don't want 2 let him go because I kinda feel noboy will ever like/love me."

Awareness of Potential Online DangersDetermining the authenticit>' of online partnersemerged as integral to "hooking up online." Mostposts revealed that the youths were aware of potentialonline dangers, such as people creating "fake MSNaccounts" and false images, which one youth notedare "as easy as hell to lie about." Another youthadmitted the difficulty trusting online relationships:"I was in love with this guy over the internet for6 months and we never met . . . i never knew if itwas him or not or if he was just fake and physco[sic]." Despite this awareness, most posts revealed theyouths' high levels of trust. For example, a teenagerwrote, "it feels like I've known him my whole life. . . he's sunione [sic] special." Analysis revealed thatthe trust youths felt for their online romances couldbe so intense that they quickly shared all of theirsecrets. This finding contrasts with claims by mostof the youths that they were "being safe and haven'tgiven personal info."

The youths used a vetting process for onlineromantic partners that appeared quite narrow inscope. Most vetting involved ensuring that olderpeople did not represent themselves as youths, whichwas seen as a danger. The youths described olderpeople who misrepresented their ages as "creeps,""predators," and "pedophiles," Most consideredWebcam a reliable way of validating someone's age.One youth stated, "he's not a fraud i know it forsure cuz I'v [sic] talked to him on webcam. He's notsum [sic] 60 year old pretending to be 'charming'

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lo] [laugh out loud]." Other proxy markers used todfcerniinc authenticity included online pictures,phone calls, and the individual being known to anexisting friend.

Cyber Abuse and Its Effectsrhf children and youths reported experiencing agreat deal of cyber abuse in the following forms:bullying, stalking, sexual solicitation, and exposureto pornography. The detrimental effects of cyberabuse were evident, including feelings of depression,confusion, guilt, and shame as well as self-harm andwithdrawal from peers and family.The children andyouths described techniques to cope with cyberabuse, such as denying the seriousness ofthe expe-rience and avoiding the person who abused them.The children and youths rarely mentioned obtainingsupport from adults such as parents, teachers, andlaw enforcement personnel.

Cyber Bullying: Both Real-Life and OnlineAcquaintances and Friends. Analysis revealedfrequent and common cyber bullying by bothreal-life acquaintances and friends and those withwhom relationships had developed online. Forexample, one child explained that her friend wrotesuch insults about her as "stupid, ugly, dorky, andboring." Another youth described the "hell" hewas put through by a group of schoolmates whoinitiated an e-niail campaign of derogatory chainletters about him.

Cyber bullying among peers often related tosensitive issues such as sexual orientation, physi-cal characteristics, and popularity. Cyber bullyingrelated to sexuality that included such terms as"gay" or "lesbian" was often directed toward boysand girls, whereas insults related to promiscuity,such as "whore" or "slut," were directed towardgirls exclusively. Girls were mostly the targets ofinsults about weight, which included such terms as"tatass,""ugly ass pig," and "whale." It emerged thatboth boys and girls were often called "losers."Thechildren and youths described a common form ofrejection that is unique to the Internet, referred toas "blocking." One post revealed the feelings associ-ated with being blocked: "I get sick of my friendsrejecting me.Whenever I'm on msn, I try talking topeople and they block me." In response, the childrenexpressed feeling distraught. For instance, one youthfelt "alone, sad, and stressed, with no reason to live."The aûect-laden words of another poster capturethe impact of cyber bullying:

i don't no [sic\ if i fully healed from the last in-cidence [sic\. i can't take this now. I can't makeit go away. I can't get the words, the voices outof my head. Those hurtful words keep comingback and killing me every time. I don't no howmuch longer i can take it. I'm cracking and idon't no how many more words will make meshatter into a million pieces. As I'm writingthis I'm crying.

Cyber Stalking. Children as young as 11 yearsold, mostly girls, were exposed to cyber stalking.The girls wrote that the "stalkers" would not "stayaway" from them online after repeated requests todo so and after repeated attempts to block contact.One girl wrote, "I've tried everything to get ridof a guy I know who emails me all the time, buthe won't go . . . HELP!"Analysis revealed that theindividuals who stalked the girls could be strangersthey met online or could be known to the girlsin their real-world settings. Stalking ranged fromunwanted, "annoying" e-mails to death threats thatwere considered credible and terrifying.

Stalking often began through innocuous interac-tions with people described as seeming "nice" or"friendly" and deteriorated into frightening interac-tions not necessarily confined to cyberspace. Girlsreported that the stalker often "demanded more,"including personal information. Most youths main-tained that they"never give out personal informationto ANYBODY" and were scared when informedthat a stalker had information about them, such as"where i live, my name and what internet servicei use" or "that 1 go to so-and-so school." Analysisshowed that the children and youths inadvertentlyprovided this information through such avenues asuser nanies, personal Web pages, and contributionsto social networking sites, which enabled stalkers toacquire desired information. Analysis also indicatedthat cyber stalkers were adept at siphoning personalinformation about the children and youths throughcommunications with a child or youth's onlinefriendship group. For instance, one teenager wrote,"my friend was stupid and gave him my address onmsn . . . now I'm scared cause I know about creepypeople . , . and this predator knows where I live."

The stalking was depicted as often culminatingwith threats of a real-life encounter, although itwas unclear whether the stalkers actually possessedpersonal information. For instance, one youthexpressed her terror when recounting the threat

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that the stalker was "going to come to my houseand kill me," and another girl wrote that the stalkerthreatened to "come to my house when my parentsare gone." Fear and vigilance was expressed by agirl who reported being followed "for two days bysomeone" she feared was her cyber stalker. Othersexpressed feeling "constantly freaked out" or afraidof being "kidnapped." Some of the children andyouths were so distraught they described engagingin self-harming behaviors.

Few children and youths indicated engagingprofessional support to deal with the cyber stalking.Most reported that they did not disclose their cyberstalking experiences because of fear of punishmentby their parents or fear of reprisal by the stalker. Oneyouth wrote that after she sought help, the stalkerthreatened,"if you tell on me again I'll hurt you."Astatement by a 12-year-old girl illustrates the reasonsexpressed by most of the children and youths fornot getting help from their parents:

I was chatting with this friend I met in a Chris-tian chat room. He wanted my phone numberand address but of corse \sic\ I would nevergive it to him. Well he got MAD and said hetraced my ESP number and knows exactally\iic\ where I am and I can't teli anyone becauseI'm not supposed to be chatting with men onthe intrent \iif\.

Posts revealed that the decision to seek parentalassistance hinged on whether the child or youththought the stalker's threats were credible and"real."The following question posted by a 17-year-oId girlstalked by a 37-year-old man expresses her ambiva-lence about involving her parents:"should i tell myparents? even tho [sic] I'll probably get in trouble?Or should i wait and see if he does anything?" It ap-peared that it was only when they were certain thatthe threats were serious that the children and youthsinvolved their parents and perhaps authorities suchas the police. Even when the children and youthssought help, they were likely to withhold importantinformation when they believed this informationmight get them into trouble. One youth articulatedthis dilemma by writing that her mom "knows aboutthe cyber stalker and got very upset... i"ni scared totell my mom that he knows where I live."

Cyher Solicitation. It was uncovered that préado-lescents and teenagers were solicited to engage inonline sexual acts. Female and gay or bisexual male

participants were the most likely targets of older mentrying to engage youths in cybering or in flashing.In some cases, the children and youths did not knowthe men soliciting them. In other instances, theyknew the men, some of whom were in positions ofpower and trust vis-à-vis the child or youth, (teach-ers, for example).The children and youths said themen used tactics to engage them in online sexualencounters, such as online rewards or even highergrades for failing students. Some were"worn down"by the constant pressure, as evidenced by a girl whowrote,"! had enough of him threatening and askingme so I took my shirt off."

Several posts revealed incidents of private nuditysent to a boyfriend or girlfriend being repostedwithout consent and shared throughout socialnetworking sites, which damaged the reputationof the individual who flashed. The youths who didthis, typically female, were referred to as "web camwhores." These girls expressed feeling very remorse-ful and deeply regretful for having engaged in theactivity. Some talked about engaging in self-harm,and others described feeling "unclean" and wrotethat they "cried for nights." They felt "nauseous"knowing that the pictures and words could resurfaceanytime and be viewed by anyone, thus having aninfinite existence. Online predators appeared toreadily use prior sexual acts as a means of coercingchildren and youths to engage in new acts. One girl,for example, expressed regret when describing how,at the age of 13, she sent a topless picture of herself"without tliinking"to a guy she met in a chat room.When she later refused to give in to this individual'sthreats, he released her picture online to students ather school.This youth described tremendous shame,which made her reluctant to contact the police be-cause she absolutely did not want her"PAP^NTSTO BE NOTIFIED ABOUT THIS."

As noted, the online cybersexual encountersbetrween young male or female youths and oldermen sometimes progressed to actual meetings, atthe initiation of the older person. For example, a14-year-old boy described engaging in sexuallyexplicit dialogue with an older man who. awareof the boy's age, asked to "hook up" in real life forsex. The children and youths wrote that after thereal-life meetings, the older men often used illicitsubstances such as marijuana or crystal meth togroom the youths for sexual encounters. It seemedthat the children and youths who were vulnerableto these situations were those who struggled with

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issues such as serious family or school problems,significant emotional problems, or substance use.For instance, one youth reported that she engagedin cybersex because she wanted "someone to listen"Co her. A 13-year-old girl, describing her home lifeas a "hellhole," indicaced that she would meet withan older man for a sexual encounter as a distractionfrom her croubled home life. Another girl articulatedher uneasiness: "chat rooms Co emails to meetingsto sex . . . OMG [oh my godj!!!!"

The youths who engaged in cybering after beingsoliciced reporced feeling confused and asbamed butnot "violated." One child wrote that she did nottell anyone for fear thac she would be considered a"slut" or a "whore."The children and youths weregenerally afraid to tell their parents, a feeling exem-plified in one child's statement that "my parents willbate me or ground me forever." Another youth wasafraid chat "my parents will look at me differencly,noc in a good way." The youths' fear of ceiling theirparents seemed most related Co their "shame" and"guilt" and their conviction thaccheir parents would"hate" them.Tbe youths were concerned that if theycontacted police or other supports, their parentswould be informed. Children and youths were afraidtheir parents would revoke computer privileges iftheir cyber abuse experiences were discovered andthat they would be isolated and disconnected frompeers.To the children and youths, this possible con-sequence seemed more intolerable than enduringthe cyber abuse.

Exposure to Pornography. The children andyoutbs portrayed extensive exposure to onlinepornography. Boys and girls as young as 12 yearsof age reported regularly accessing online pornog-raphy out of curiosity and for sexual gratification.One wrote that it is "sooo easy to access porn,"and several described themselves as "addicted" and"obsessed."as illustrated by one youth's proclamationtlut"AHHHHl CANT STOP LOOKING AT IT."At times, che children and youchs came across childpornography. Some children and youths describedbeing directed, unawares, to a child pornographysite, and feeling shocked and "freaked out."

Tbe children and youths were acutely aware thatviewing pornography was illegal and against theirparents' rules. Many feared being caught, yeC noneindicated having been. The children and youthsdescribed a sophisticated ability to "cover" onlinetracks to prevent parents from discovering evidenceof their having accessed pornography. Others were

searching for ways to hide their computer footprints.Many youths questioned the morality of viewingpornography, as illustrated by one youth:"it can besweet for a moment but it has the potential Co fryyour conscience." Another wrote, "I wanna stopmasturbating because something inside Cells me tostop. I can't stop looking at porn on the internet."Another described viewing pornography as"one ofche more subtle but dangerous addictions." Severalchildren and youths described feeliiig"like a pervert"or a "freak." Still, some youths seemed to be seekingapproval for this activity. Some of the boys seemedcontlised by what they thought were mixed messagesabouc the propriety of viewing pornography. Forinstance, one 13-year-old who bad been rebukedby his parents for viewing online pornographyexclainied,"To tell the truth, 13 year olds need thisto become men, right?????"

The youths were extremely reluctant or unwill-ing to tell cheir parencs abouC accessing onlinepornography, out of "embarrassment" or fear ofpunishment both by cheir parents and by the law.Some youths knew of resources that allowed chemCo remain anonymous, such as cybercip.ca. Despitetheir own feelings of guilt and responsibility, thechildren and youths expressed the conviction that"innocent" children needed to be protected fromexposure to pornography, which they consideredCo be "abase."

Not Telling Parents or Other AdultsBefore coiicacting cbe anonymoLis online counsel-ing service, mosc of tbe children and youths hadnot disclosed their experiences of cyber abuse toan adult. Even when they were in deep trouble orfrightened, very few reached out to their parents.The youths depicted their parents as giving themInternet safety information and described even"great parents" as becoming "ballistic" upon dis-covering that their child was involved in onlinerelationships. For example, a youth wrote that herparents "always lectured abouc internet security andhow I shouid never give out personal information."She was sure that her parents would "ground mefor life if they fmd out I sent a picture to my onlineboyfriend." Parents were unaware of youths' plans toprogress co meeting online boyfriends or girlfriendsin real lite. By and large, the youths' poses revealedthat they excluded their parents frxjm this processbecause of their concerns about how cheir parentswould react, specifically that they would block the

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contact. Several children and youths characterizedtheir parents as out of touch with contemporarysocializing and dating. The children and youthspreferred to endure difficulties with online interac-tions rather than involving parents and risking theloss of Internet access.

DISCUSSIONThis exploration of anonymous posts by childrenand youths to the Web site of a counseling serviceprovides analysis of their involvement in onlineinteractions and experiences with cyber abuse.Three main findings emerged that capture the es-sence ofthe 346 posts to the counseling Web site:

(1) the regularity and importance ofthe Internetand communication technology for socialization;(2) the forms, extent, and impact of cyber abuse;and (3) the fear of disclosing cyber abuse to adults,particularly parents.

Several limitations ofthis study need to be notedregarding the applicability and transferability ofthefmdings to other children and youths. First, the finalsample of 346 posts represents a small percentage ofthe overall available data {>!%) in the 35,000-postdatabase. The purpose ofthis study was to capturethe essence ofthe lived experiences of children andyouths who made posts about their cyber relation-ships or experiences of cyber abuse. The findingscannot be generalized and do not indicate preva-lence. The final sample represents the experiencesof a select group of children and youths who madeexplicit reference to relationships or abuse occur-ring in cyberspace.This sample reflects those postscontaining key search terms. It is very likely thatthe list of search terms was not exhaustive. Futurestudies using the same database may reveal that ad-ditional posts exist within the larger database thatconvey aspects ofthe phenomena not included inthe current study. It is also possible that the childrenand youths who made these posts, using specificterminology to describe their cyber relationshipsor experiences of cyber abuse to an anonymouscounseling Web site, have had experiences thatare quite distinct from those of other children andyouths. By drawing our sample from such a largedatabase, however, we have increased confidencethat we captured a diverse range of lived experi-ences, from which we drew understanding of cyberrelationships and cyber abuse.

Second, there is no information about howrepresentative the current sample is of children

and youths across Canada who use technology tocommunicate. Because the children and youthswhose posts were analyzed indicated that theyrarely involved adults, uncovering the factors thatencourage children and youths to reach out inthe context of an anonymous counseling Web sitewould be important. Another limitation is the lackof demographic information, which impedes fullunderstanding ofthe meaning ofthe posts. Furtherresearch is needed to determine the association ofchildren's cyber relationships and experiences ofcyber abuse and seeking help with variables suchas age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, andlocation.

Although this lack of demographic information,because ofthe anonymous nature ofthe service, is alimitation, the huge demand for the counselingWebsite is supported in the literature. A high percentageof children and youths are increasingly technologic-ally savvy. A survey of students in grades 4 through11 revealed that 37% own their own computer, and30% have penonalWeb sites.Moreover,children andyouths with their own computers spend betweenfour and eight hours daily online (Steeves, 2005).According to another study, 80% of U.S. youths usethe Internet, half of them on a daily basis (Valken-burg &• Peter, 2007). In addition, individuals of allages, and especially adolescents, are increasinglyusing the Internet and communication technol-ogy for help and advice, a trend that is expected togrow (King, Smith, Reid, & Wegner, 2006; Mallen,Rochlen, & Day, 2005;Wright, 2002).Youths maybe more likely to access online help because oftheassociated accessibility and anonymity (King et al.,2006; Mallen et al., 2005; Nicholas, Oliver, Lee, &O'Brien, 2004).

A prominent finding was that children andyouths reported regularly using the Internet forsocial interactions that were platonic as well assexual and romantic.The children and youths whoposted their concerns and issues were adamant thatthese relationships were "real." It emerged that thechildren and youths used communication technol-ogy extensively, both to connect with friends andacquaintances from their real lives and to developnew relationships with individuals they met online.Moreover, the findings suggest that the relationshipsat times moved from online to offline, both withexisting friends and with people who had been metonline. These findings mirror the literature, whichsuggests that adolescents form online relationships

114 Social Work Research VOLUME JJ . NUMBER 2 JUNE 2009

with people they meet on the Internet {Wolak et al.,2(K)3) and that they also connect with their exist-ing social networks on the Internet, resulting in anoverlap between their online and offline interactions(Biais et al., 2008; Gross, 2004),

The current exploration indicates that youngerchildren and adolescents use the Internet to makecontact with individuals they know and to meetstrangers who may be their age or considerably older.Inclusion of this younger age group addresses thelack of research on younger children (Valkenburg& Peter, 2007) and is supported in the literature,which points to a rapid rise in the number ofyounger children socializing through the Internet(Valkenburg, Schouten,& Peter, 2005).The revolu-tion generated by the Internet has created a newworld of social communications that enables rapidglobal contact that transcends traditional boundariesof time and space (Kanani ik Regehr, 2003). ln thisstudy, the children and youths formed relationshipsacross large distances. Adults must recognize thefrequency with which children and youths socializeonline and understand the significance and meaningof online relationships.

Female participants submitted significantly moreposts. Although boys and girls use online com-munications approximately equally (Gross, 2004;Valkenburg & Peter, 2007).girls are sexually solicitedabout twice as often as boys (Finkelhor et al.,2000).Furthermore, girls and young women are generallymore likely to seek mental health help than areboys and young men (Rickwood, Deane, Wilson,&Ciarrochi,2005).

Almost all of the children and youths were awareof online dangers, which had often been relayed tothem by their parents. Despite this awareness andtheir acute fears and doubts about particular onlineinteractions, many of the children and youths gaveout information about themselves, often inadver-tently, and many engaged in behaviors they them-selves considered risky. These fmdings correspondwith the literature. An online survey of 10.800adolescent girls (Berson, Iierson, & Ferron, 2002)found that a high proportion had engaged in riskybehavior on the Internet, including filling out onhnequestionnaires,giving out personal information,andsending pictures of themselves to someone they metin cyberspace.

There is a growing emphasis on protectingchildren and youths fix)m online dangers througheducation about online risks (Chibnall, Wallace,

Leicht, &• Lunghofer, 2006) and strategies to blockchildren's access to unapproved Web sites (Richard-son & Resnick, 2002) and filter graphic descriptionsand images (Hunter, 2000). Evidence indicates thatyouths who receive education on Internet safetyexhibit more knowledge about safety strategies(Chibnall et al, 2006; Cromhie &Trinneer, 2003)and the dangers associated with Internet use (Da-vidson & Martellozzo, 2005). However, althoughknowledge has increased as a result of education,there has been Uttle to no change in high-riskonline behavior (Chibnall et al., 2006; Crombieêc Trinneer, 2003). Consistent with these findings,although many children and youths in the currentstudy were informed of Internet dangers by theirparents and were aware of the risks, this knowledgedid not appear to translate into altered behavior, andthey provided personal information and engaged inrisky behaviors. It is important to underscore thatthe children and youths in this study may representa distinctive group that may be more prone to en-gaging in risky behaviors (such as forming intenseonline relationships) and to experiencing abuse, anissue that should be explored further. Nevertheless,some of the current results are consistent with theliterature. For example, the finding that many ofthe youths did not tell their parents correspondswith evidence in the literature that children andyouths often do not report cyber abuse to parentsor authorities (Finkelhor et al., 2000; Magid, 1998;O'Connell, Price, & Barrow, 2004).

Findings revealed that the children and youthsfrequently experienced various forms of cyberabuse, including bullying, stalking, sexual so-licitation, and exposure to pornography.The postsgraphically described the intense and long-lastingeffects of this abuse, which corresponds with theliterature. Although there are many benefits thatresult from electronic-based communication,the Internet also has a dark side. Cyber abuse isgrowing dramatically, with detrimental short- andlong-term effects (Berson et al., 2002; Finkelhor etal., 2000; Patchin & Hinduja, 2006; Shariff, 2005;WoIak,Mitchel],& Finkelhor, 2006). According toa survey conducted by a children's charity in theUnited Kingdom, about 25% of youths have beenbullied via cell phone (National Children's HomeandTesCQ Mobile, 2002), comparable to the find-ings of a study conducted by Beran and Li (2005)of grade 7 through 9 students in a Canadian city.Abnost 25% of students had been targeted, and 70%

MISHNA, MCLUCKIE, AND SAINI / Real-WorU Dangers in an Online Reality: Examining OnUne Relationships and Cyher Abuse 115

were aware of peers who had been bullied throughcell phones. The Youth Internet Safety Survey, anationally representative telephone survey of 1,500U.S. youths between 10 and 17 years of age whouse the Internet regularly, was first conducted in2000 and subsequently updated in 2005. Experi-ence of cyber stalking increased, to 9% of youthsin 2005 from 6% in 2000. Although fewer youthsreceived unwanted sexual solicitations in 2005(13%) than in 2000 (19%), the number of youthsreceiving aggressive sexual solicitations, wherebysexual solicitors made or attempted to make offlinecontact with youths, remained constant. Thirty-four percent of youths reported being exposedto unwanted online sexual content in 2005, anincrease from 25% in 2000 (Finkelhor et al., 2000;Wolak et al., 2006). This increase in exposure topornography corresponds with the alarming easeand frequency with which children and youths inthe current research described accessing onlinepornography.

Almost all ofthe children and youths iasisted thatthey could not approach their parents, regardless ofthe form of cyber abuse (bullying, stalking, sexualsolicitation, or exposure to pornography) or its ef-fect. Although the current sample may represent adistinctive and inore vulnerable group, this hndingcorresponds with troubling findings that reports oftraditional bullying underestimate the extent oftheproblem (Hanish ik Guerra, 2000) and that cyberabuse is often not reported to parents or other adults(Finkelhor et al,. 2000; Magid, 1998; O'Conneli etal., 2004). Although some reasons for children andyouths' nondisclosure of their cyber abuse parallelthose in the traditional bullying literature, such asfear of retaliation and worsening ofthe abuse or thattelling adults will not help (Clarke & Kiselica, 1997;Mishna & Alaggia, 2(105), some reasons arc uniqueto the cyber world. The current findings indicatethat most ofthe children and youths expressed fearthat their parents would remove their Internet orcell phone privileges. Paradoxically, the persistentmessage that parents must educate their childrenabout dangers seems to have been successful butmay have backfired for these children and youths.The children and youths'knowledge of oniine risksand dangers appeared to make them more afraidof telling their parents. Many youths wrote thatbecause their parents had informed them of thesedangers and of appropriate behavior, they werecertain they would be punished. Several youths did

not tell about their abuse because they understoodthe illegal nature ofthe behaviors and, despite be-ing victimized, feared they would nonetheless bepunished by the law.

CONCLUSIONThe United Nations Convention on the Rights ofthe Child (United Nations Children's Fund, 1998)identified adults as responsible for protecting chil-dren from all forms of physical and mental violence,injury, or abuse. Clearly, children and youths' regularand intense involvement in the cyber world andthe increase of cyber abuse signal an urgent call toaction for prevention of abuse and protection ofchildren and youths. Today s young wired genera-tion increasingly relies on the Internet and otherforms of communication technology for entertain-ment, information, personal help and advice, and,most important, social connection. It is critical thatadults acknowledge, understand, and accept theInternet and communication technology as a vi-able and real means of interacting for children andyouths. Although most online interactions in whichchildren and youths engage are neutral or positive,the risks must be recognized and addressed. Edu-cation and intervention must be targeted to chil-dren and adults, in particular parents and teachers.Prevention and intervention programs that informchildren of safety and risks are critical but insuf-ficient, because children and youths require helpto decrease their risky behaviors. It is essential todevelop and evaluate education and prevention orintervention programs to determine their effect inchanging children and adolescents' online behav-iors. A focus must be on facilitating children andyouths' ability to seek help with cyber abuse and ex-press concerns to their parents, teachers, and otherauthorities. This means, for example, that parentsmust not automatically respond with such actionsas revoking Internet privileges, which to the childor youth may feel like a disconnection from theirsocial world. Rather, parents and other adults mustbe prepared to listen to the children and youths'accounts of their cyber predicaments and to helpthem problem solve their situation.Thus, researchis needed to identify factors that foster and inhibitdisclosure by children and youths to adults of theirexperiences of cyber abuse. In addition, the factorsthat make children and youths more vulnerable toexperiencing problematic oiilinL- interactions andabuse must be identified. H't'i ïi

Social Work Research VOLUME JJ . NUMBER 2 JUNE 2009

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Faye Mishna, PhD, is associate /jrn/ps.tor and associate deiin of

research, hatror-liiu'Cinasli Facuhy of Social Work, University of

Toronto, 246 Bloor Street West, Toronto, Ontario M5S ÍA1,

Canada; c-nuiil: fniishna@utororito.ca. Alan McLuckie,

MSH^ii a graduate student. Factor-¡mivntiuli Faculty of Social

Work. University of Toronto. Michael Saint, PhD, is assistant

professor, Factor-¡nwentaslt Faculty oJ SocialWark, University of

Toronto. This research was funded {yy Bell Canada. Tiie authors

tlmnk' Kids Help Plume stafffor their collaboration, and they

tiiank the anonymous children and teenagers who shared their

experiences of online relationships and cyber almse on the Kids

Help Phone Ask A Counsellor Online Web site.

Original manuscfipt received January 15, 2008Final revision received October 23. 2008Accepted November \Z, 200S

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