Rugged Nuggets of Wisdom common sense for common people

by Daniel Gardner

© 2009thinkGardner.com

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“With the skilled eye of a near-sighted miner, Daniel Gardner points out golden truths in the dark mines of living. Drawing from his lifelong life of experience, Daniel shares keen observations that will challenge and inspire you and some day make you appreciate this

booklet.

These quotes, illustrations, and phrases are golden nuggets – not smoothed over with social hypocrisy, but in their natural form: rugged and rustic. These are nuggets to live

by.”

- George Washington June 12 1780

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The Part about being a couple

You do not want a baby. Social expectations and grandparents may say otherwise but this booklet speaks louder. There is an Arabic saying that speaks volumes, but we will quote only the first paragraph:

"You don't want a baby. Take the czar’s word on that. If you must cuddle and tickle something, then let it be a camel. I've yet to find a camel that complains of a sooty diaper or an empty bottle. Remember Brutus? What a fine camel he was! And I never had to burp him once. I've known strong veterans of war who faced death, cold and loneliness. But lo, they could not survive a baby."

Contrary to common belief, in-laws are not horrible at all. (Until you get to know them.)

I went to a wedding once and perceived tears in the groom's eyes. This clearly illustrates the motto: Marriage - it's enough to make a grown man cry.

Living with anyone is very difficult. I can barely stand myself at times.

Someone might suggest that a spouse is beneficial when you're in need of someone to blame, but if that's true, what are siblings for?

A blissful husband might quip that we singles have no business forming an opinion of marriage because we have not yet experienced it. Perhaps we could posit that Louis Pasteur didn't discover germs by becoming one. He merely observed their qualities.

It is a common thought that husbands don't listen to their wives. This is nothing but urban legend. Quite a few husbands do indeed hear everything their wives have to say (they just don't pay attention, that's all).

Popular opinion says wives ask way too many questions. Meanwhile, the female popular opinion suggests that husbands lack far too many answers.

As household terminology goes, to sleep in the dog house is only desirable if you're the dog.

Husbands tend to forget what they should have remembered. Wives tend to remember what they should have forgotten.

Someone declared that marriage is the best thing in the world. But … what of bubblegum??

A lot of pretty songs have been written but they don't sound near as fair when played on a scratchy record.

When you think of getting married, be sure to take some time to consider this: everyone has bad days. And no matter how enchanted you are with your lovely dearest, the truth is the spell is bound to break sooner or later. When this happens, you'll feel a jolt as you land back at reality.

I know many young ladies are under the impression that their future Mrs will never sneeze. As brutish and distasteful as sneezing is, I must confess on behalf of the entire male sector: we do indeed sneeze. Loud, shattering sneezes. Muffled, moist sneezes. I know this comes as a surprise, but its best you know it now then later. There are no perfect males; we altogether sneeze.

Also, I must speak to the young man who dreamily envisions his bride. Perhaps he wrestles with the question that has haunted centuries: what do girls see that is so wonderful in seven pounds of giggling baby fat, wrapped in stinky diaper? Aristotle attempted to tackle this question and I quote:

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"In my lifetime, I have surveyed the logical equations of math and science. But the way girls thrill at the sight of a baby is irrational. I tried studying it but it led me to madness and I burnt my papers in misery."

If our friend Aristotle was nigh mad, we must not wrestle with the questions ourselves. It is a quirk of nature and can not be solved. Leave it alone.

Human beings are very selfish beings. Marriage doesn't change that. There was a King in Denmark who, at the moment of exchanging vows, loudly exclaimed, "Hello! I've a yen to share!" The story goes that thereafter he was the kindest, most caring husband ever. Sadly, since his death, they lost all trace of his DNA so any hope of cloning him was lost. Unless your sweetheart is a 16th century noble from Denmark, the chances are he'll be as slow to share as his predecessors.

Perhaps we should interject a small clause of exception: that of sharing chores. A high ranking officer was once described as being ever ready to "...debate both politics and dish washing".

Whichever way you divide the chores between you, it will forever seem you got the "bigger half" of the two. Only learn to smile.

Smiling is very important in a marriage. Especially during a photo shoot.

While discussing with your husband, should you begin to feel vehement about the topic at hand, do this: hold your peace and count slowly to ten. This way, you will have cordially given him 10 seconds to voice his defense before you release your tirade.

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The Part about knowing how to dress

By all means, dress for comfort. If you don't feel comfortable wearing it, you'll probably not look very flattering in it.

You'll notice that basic form and fashion of the masculine wardrobe has gone unchanged over the past centuries. Perhaps Adam didn't wear jeans and a t-shirt but every man since seems to have adopted the style.

Yet, notice the long erratic line of the feminine wardrobe. It has changed color, shape and size ten different times in the past 24 hours! Women are running to stay in fashion but when they reach it they are out of breath and wheezing like a racehorse.

How much better if we would all dress practically. It would put quite a few stylists out of business but no matter: let them flip burgers like the rest of us.

There is a reason men don't wear high heels. Their wives would never share them.

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The Part about social events

Social events come in two sizes: big and small. Both are similar in their makeup: light chatter, light chewing, and some light laughter all around. If invited, you're expected to "interact," which means talking to a fellow dependent on oxygen.

Someone might remark that this is senseless but they are wrong. It was over a card game that Napoleon was convinced to drop all plans of invading New Zealand. A card game mind you! Not a military conference, but a small social gathering on a wet Wednesday evening. Oh yes, social excursions have their place!

In most small social gatherings there is apprehension as to who is the party fool. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to remove this unsettling apprehension. Be the party fool yourself. By no means be the fool, only pretend. Be foolish just enough so everyone notices. Drop your drink and say, "Golly, where'd my drink go? It was right here." Or lose your car keys and ask party goers at random if "...perhaps I might catch a ride with you". When the fool has been established, they will sigh a sigh of grateful relief and pitterpat around you in joyful banter. At your choosing, discard the fool's mask and retake your position as a stuck up, self-absorbed citizen of respect.

The person who talks most, says the least. The person who walks most, slays the beast. I like the first saying better.

A lot of people jeer at shyness because they assume that being quiet is so much more inferior to being a loud nag. In social realms, there are times when talkativeness far exceeds thoughtfulness.

As a boy, I noticed a shy person in the midst of his many friends. There was loud chatter until one pompous youth remarked how very shy this fellow appeared to be. Some other comrades agreed to that remark and they all stared at him. The shy guy did nothing but smile and a big booming smile it was too! Twas only then they noticed he had no teeth. A disastrous sight it was. A grand and gaping canyon of toothlessness! I do believe it kept us awake the entire night.

The key is to be pleasant. What is the difference between a rose and a skunk? One is pleasant, the other is not. If a skunk learned manners, and smiled, perhaps he would not be such an outcast. Perhaps if he said "thank you" as often as "stank you," the women of this world would share lunch instead of running for the broom.

In such an ideal world, we might envision a boyfriend would eagerly stand at the door of his Sweet Susan, holding in his hands a dozen fresh skunks.

When invited to a social event, neither hide beneath the table nor jump upon it like an orator. Find your place, speak cordial words and on your exit, wish all a good night.

Also, if someone collapses, do call the doctor. This is good etiquette.

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The Part about being a teen

Quite a few people are familiar with being a teen because recent studies have shown that quite a few adults were once teenagers.

If we could liken a teenager to a fish, I would choose the dead gold fish. Belly up, it floats aimlessly, not quite sure in which direction to drift. A teenager is uncertain of the unknown and in this way, he is very similar to the rest of us.

The University of Burkley placed a teenager in a glass container in order to study his habits. Reportedly, when confined by himself, the teenager would function with stability and thoughtfulness. Yet, when allowed to mingle with emotional stimuli such as parents or friends, he became erratic and unpredictable. The study concluded: glass containers need constant cleaning else fingerprints cover its surface.

The teen-to-parent relationship is a curious thing. There is always a conflict; there is often some misunderstanding. It is much like the lost-lamb-to-hungry-lion relationship.

From unsettled issues rise hard feelings, sharp words and the motivation to color your hair pink despite what Mom says.

I would council the parent: if you have every dreamed of being a tyrant, now is your chance. You might as well enjoy it. Show your subjects who's who by refusing to feed the peasants. Buy yourself an oak throne and roar decrees by the dozen! Have a couple of executions every once in awhile to keep things lively. You’re the monarch.

To the teens, I give solace: a gentle breeze will blow it past. The deep, drowning uncertainty will ever so slowly move aside to let some sun shine through. The clouds called "Mom" and "Dad" will never cease to fill your horizon but with a change of view and some added sunlight, they'll not look near as dark as before.

Many a wizened teen has remarked, "My parents were my guiding clouds" at which his parents were quick to correct him, "You mean stars not clouds, sweetie".

I heard the testimony of a young man of 23 years who set out to see the world. As he phrased it, "I had not walked more then two blocks from my home when I was struck with how much I missed my mother! My shoes were untied and who but she would tie them?"

So you see, there is much to find annoying but much more to appreciate. This is not true of poodles but it is cardinal of both teen and parents.

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The Part about Finding your place in life

It is much easier to find your seat in an airplane. If it is occupied you have only to say, "Excuse me, nerfherder, but you're in my seat." The occupier will unoccupy and lo, you are free to sit.

Mournfully, this technique does not work in life matters. "Um, excuse me but you've got my dream job. Hand it over...". Or, "Pardon me, but your promotion belongs to someone else. ME!??" Nor, "Sorry to intrude, but your successful life story is mine. Gimme. I wanna live it."

I'll never read a book that guarantees success unless it's a checkbook.

Finding your place in life is similar to finding a lost shoe: it takes a lifetime.

In order to hone your search, define whether your goal is to be useful or whether to reign supreme. The recipe to supremacy is simple: stab backs, elbow ribs, punch faces and fight your way to the top. When you're at the top, enjoy the view. That's all there is. The view down.

To be useful, to genuinely meet a genuine need, is worth the trouble. BUT: it is not the fast road to popularity nor to prosperity.

Does anyone remember Barbara Stingleton from Redding, CA? Of course you don't. She chose usefulness over fame. She tried to achieve her own goals, not succeed at the marathon of social expectations. She was a gear in the machinery of blessing and thus went unnoticeduntil found missing. She touched lives without ever leaving handprints in the halls of fame. I would write a biography about her if she weren't fiction. Her lesson lingers nonetheless: seek to serve.

Someone asks specifically, "Dear Gabby, what is my place in life?" Gabby hums as she answers: "doing best what means the most."

Invest in your skills. Flaring your nose is not a skill.

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The Part about living in a busy Earth

Noise and stress walk hand in hand. They are like love birds and where one goes, the other must trod close behind.

Our earth is made up of people who hurry, worry, stare and stumble. They talk loud, move slow, and jump to conclusions. While visiting a chicken farm, a passel of chickens began squawking in some loud misunderstanding. I asked what the chaos was all about and one smart chick said, "We are imitating mankind". I was shocked. I had no idea we sounded like that.

You must decide not to be one of them. If the world squawks, you must chose to squeak and nothing more.

Do not become the stressful boss your boss is. Be the silence every loud discussion needs.

As the world roars and blunders about you, find a corner in which to sip tea. When people bellow and point fingers, take a sip. As they pressure and provoke you, add sugar or a touch of milk. Do not fly from your chair to return a volley of words. You'll upset your tea and that is Mom's good china.

Shakespeare once noted but left no record of having done so: "Human beings are dramatic beings. I ought to pay actors to sit on the stage and be an audience to the drama of life."

Finding fault has become a hobby of sorts. On windy days we fly kites but when the wind dies down we take up arguing. What sport!

It would seem our fellow man spends his life either loudly decrying faults or loudly denying them. And when we run out of breath, we pay a lawyer to do our yelling for us.

We have heard the ostrich will bury his head in the sand. Instead of jesting at scenario, we should take pity. The poor bird must have horrible in-laws!

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The Part about doubt

Consider the mountain climber who reaches the summit of Mountain Everest. To his fragile grandma, he is foolish to risk his neck. To the casual observer, he is wasting his efforts. Yet, his son thinks he is a hero.

From this it becomes obvious there are as many different opinions of a cat as there ways to skin one.

Today’s driven youth will assuredly encounter doubt. His purpose will be doubted, his plans will be debated and his preparation will be debased. In conclusion, there are quite a few deprecatory words that begin with D.

Doubt bases itself on superstition, rumor, or trivial feeling. It never has fact at its root; instead, it stems from fears. We doubted the world was round because it felt better to believe Earth was a giant Frisbee© that was thrown through space and some horrific day would be caught by a frothy-mouthed Labrador.

We initially doubted man could fly. And sure enough, he can't. He has to use airplanes for that kind of stuff.

Learn to distinguish the words of caution from the weeds of doubt. It will save you a great deal of worry.

Are you afraid of being wrong? Don't be afraid, be aware: no one but yourself thinks you're right all off the time.

A large, strong oak had a hole in its center. "A weakness" he thought. "A weakness!" the squirrels taught. Until a beautiful bird built its home inside the empty concave, then the world's flora admired the fault which wasn't.

The story is told of a wise guru who lived by himself in the Forest. Brave souls would venture deep into these woods in order to find him and hear his council. Curiously, at the door of his cabin was a homemade mat, which read "Weelcome". Visitors would notice the wrong spelling of "Welcome" but dare'd not mention it, for they were under the impression that the wise guru had a reason for the misspelling. And so he had: he pronounced it "weelcome" so he assumed it was spelt "weelcome" as well. Even gurus mess up.

Donate your "perfection complex" to the needy. You look better without it.

There is also a grave difference between the words, achievement and success. Primarily, the way they are spelled.

Know this: risk wouldn't be risk if it had a known outcome. Jumping off a cliff has a known outcome. Everything else in life is risk.

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In conclusion:

If you’ve been on planet Earth for very long, then you’ve no doubt noticed that we live in a really, really strange environment. Scientists have been studying it for years and they still can’t figure it out.

Maybe we weren’t supposed to figure it out. Maybe we’re supposed to put our best foot forward and face the vast unknown with a spirit of courage and resolve. It’s better then sitting on our couches and laughing with the grace of a beached whale at reoccurring sitcoms.

“Grab your trumpet and spear,” said Alexander the Great to his soldiers, “and let us go to war! For to stay at home and listen to our wives and baby children is bound to drive me nutty!”

Alexander the Great had a very pessimistic look on life. I hope you don’t.

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About the author:

Daniel Gardner was born as a baby and grew up in South America because his parents were missionaries there. During high school, he learned about this cool thing called sarcasm and sometimes it comes across in his writings. He was homeschooled for many years but other then that, he lives a normal lifestyle.

He makes videos and writes words at his personal website, www.thinkGardner.com . He welcomes any form of contact but prefers email because it has cheaper postage.

This was his first booklet to author and he looks forward to writing more manuals like this one. (Yikes.)

________________________________________________________________Rugged Nuggets of Wisdom by Daniel Gardner © 2009

www.thinkGardner.com