KEEPCALM

AND

GLENDONON

Letter from the Editor

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My fellow Lionhearts,

If you’re able to read this letter then congratulations, you are not yet part of Glendon’s living dead population. You’ve survived, for now…

As you all know by now, just as the school year was about to end, there was an outbreak in Toronto of a virus that caused people to turn into mindless, brain-consuming undead monsters. The epidemic has then spread and has now reached Glendon around exam time. A third of the student population has been affected, with more and more experiencing the symptoms propagated by having part of your flesh bitten or torn off by these aforementioned zombies.

However, if you’re reading this now, you still have a chance to get out of the 2013 Glendon Zombie Apocalypse generally unharmed and of sound mind if you live by these rules:

1. Arm yourself: I know this is Canada, not the US but guns aren’t the only weapons one can use against the walking dead. Get creative. Build your own makeshift crossbow. Obtain an ax, a baseball bat or any blunt heavy object to bash a zombie’s brains in. 2. Assemble a team: look for other survivors. Strength in numbers is key. Make sure the members of your entourage are trustworthy and can run or fight if need be.3. Don’t forget the basics: Raid the cafeteria for canned goods and water. Find a first-aid kit. Establish a safe house to store your supplies.4. Let your head rule over your heart: If your friend has been turned into a zombie, do not let your affection for them sway you. The friend you knew is now gone and you must fend for yourself.5. Have fun: This is most important. Keep calm and kill them all.

I have more tips to give you guys but I think I hear some scratches and shuffling outside the Pro Tem office so if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll add a few more kills to my day.

Be safe out there Glendonites!

Your Editor-in-Chief and bad-ass-zombie-killer,Paola Paulino

eDITOR-IN-CHIeFPaola Paulino

ASSISTANT eNglISH eDITORnatasha Faroogh

ASSISTANT FReNCH eDITORnathalie Boudreau

eDITOR OF CAMPUS lIFealexa PosliFF

eDITOR OF ISSUeS AND IDeASolivia Blackmore

eDITOR OF HeAlTH AND WellNeSSvictoria ramsay

eDITOR OF ARTS AND eNTeRTAINMeNT

vendredi mounsey

eDITOR OF MeTROPOlISayelen Barrios ruiz

eDITOR OF eXPReSSIONSrosemary richings

ASSOCIATe eDITORSstePhanie settle

artem zaytsevanna-kay russell

laura stanley caitlin Battaglia erika desjardins

DeSIgN AND lAyOUTlauren glassman

keith morris

Cover courtesy of Keith Morris

Pro Tem est le journal étudiant du collège Glendon. Publié pour la pre-mière fois en 1962, c’est la plus vieille publication de l’Université York. En plus d’être gratuit, Pro Tem est le seul journal bilingue en Ontario.

As a full member of the Canadian University Press, we strive to act as an agent of social change, and will not print copy deemed racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise oppressive.

Please respond to what you read in the pages of Pro Tem. N’hésitez pas à réa-gir à ce que vous avez lu dans Pro Tem.

Contact: protem@glendon.yorku.caFollow us on Twitter @ProtemGL.

The Pro Tem OfficeD114 Hilliard, Glendon College2275 Bayview AveNorth York, ONM4N 3M6

The office is open by appointment only.Le bureau est ouvert pour des rendez-vous seulement. Les lettres adressées au journal peuvent être éditées au niveau de la clarté ou du contenu. All copy appearing in Pro Tem is at the discretion of the editorial team.

Opinions published in Pro Tem are the thoughts of individual writers, and not the publication as a whole.

3

Campus Life

Korea SympoSium preSS releaSe

North Korea’s recent practices of soft diplomacy, hosting visits from Google CEO Eric Schmidt, and basketball star Dennis Rodman provoke curiosity as the world simultaneously witnesses a heightened period of tensions and nu-clear threats between North and South Korea. Six Glendon College students try their own hand at soft diplomacy by organizing an international symposium on the Korean Peninsula to be held in Toronto this April. Both Canadian and international panellists will come to-gether to inspire a better understand-ing of these diplomatic exchanges and their implications on international and bilateral relations.

Prime Minister Harper’s designa-tion of 2013 as the “Year of Korea in Canada” highlighting 50 years of Korean-Canadian diplomatic relations is especially relevant. The ongoing negotiations of the Canadian-Korean free trade agreement will also surely be among the many themes explored at the conference. The list of themes to be explored is in fact expansive and ranges in subjects such as Foreign Policy & Bilateral Relations, Economic & Social Development, Religion & Cul-ture, Peace, Security & Human Rights, Gender & Identity, and Immigration, Migration & Refugees. Glendon pro-fessors from the International Studies and Political Science Departments will moderate each panel. Our moderators will include, Professor Clark-Kazak, Professor Hae, Professor Kirschbaum, Professor Ouedraogo, and Professor Roberge. We also have the privilege of welcoming back former Glendon Professor Elisabeth Abergel, who has graciously accepted the invitation as moderator at the Symposium.

Among the guests and panellists to attend this year is Kwang-kyun Chung, the Consul General of the Republic of Korea to Canada.

The objective of this symposium is to reach a better understanding of North Korea and the many questions its gov-ernment invites, explore ways that can strengthen Korean-Canadian relations, and foster intellectual dialogue and exchange among students, academic scholars, and the general public.

The conference will be held on campus April 6th, 2013. The price for students is only $20 and includes the full day conference, breakfast, catered Korean lunch buffet, and wine & cheese reception in the evening.

To purchase tickets or to learn about volunteering opportunities please email us at: info@koreasymposium.com

For additional information, visit our website at: www.koreasymposium.com

DENNIS RODMAN CHOOSES BASKETBALL DIPLOMACY IN NORTH KOREA

By monique Plessas CONTRIbUTOR

TORONTO: News agencies such as CNN and CBC are reporting that vari-ous websites, such as the free online encyclopaedia Wikipedia and social media giants Twitter and Facebook, have crashed. Early reports suggest that while engineers at Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook’s headquarters are frantically trying to recover their content and fix their respective serv-ers; it may be too late for any tangible return. In Washington, President Obama has already declared a federal state of emergency. In Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper is expected to implement the Emergencies Act. However, troubling reports are emerg-ing from universities across the globe that indicate students worldwide are panicking, collapsing and boycotting school altogether.

In Toronto, students from Glendon College, York University, University of Toronto and Ryerson have started protesting in front of the American Embassy. Students can be heard chanting “We are the 99% and we want Twitter back!” Bob Smith, a 4th year student at Glendon and lead organizer of the protest says, “As students, we don’t want to go to the library to do research! We want to go on Wikipedia and pretend we did our research! It’s our right!” When a reporter asked why the protest was taking place in front of the American Embassy and suggested the possibility that the American government has no respon-sibility whatsoever with this technical glitch, Smith paused and replied, “I don’t know, dude. I was told if we want to appear on the news, all we need to do is go in front of the American Embassy.”

Inside the hallways of universities, students are wandering into their class-

EARLY REPORTS SUGGEST STUDENTS ARE FAINTING AND COLLAPSING IN CLASS

By elsa ascencio CONTRIbUTOR

WiKipedia and Social media WebSiteS craSh, maSS Student panic folloWS

rooms, asking when will they ever be able use the word “hashtag” again. In fact, some professors are beginning to notice that students are using the word “hashtag” throughout their essays. Many attribute this trend as a student’s desire to fill their empty Twitter void. Professor X, from the History depart-ment at Glendon, showed Pro Tem a sample of one of his students’ essays. The sample essay read: “We could conclude from the American Revolu-tion, The United States of America still struggles to find an identity that shifts away from Great Britain. [hashtag] #suckstobeyou #thankGoodnessImCa-nadian #LoyalistForLife.” Professor X also tells Pro Tem that one student has even submitted an essay, using only 140 characters. However, the absence of Twitter is clearly affecting the Student Ambassadors of universities more than any other group reported. “We’re lost! This is the worst thing that could happen to us. Where else am I sup-posed tell others that Glendon is great, we have campus love and that we love French!?” says Glendon Student Am-bassador Betty Random. When told she could blog her experience, Random replied, “Yeah, but I like the feeling I

get when I’m retweeted!”University officials are working

quickly to help students during this painful time. Recognizing that stu-dents have become too dependent on the Internet, officials at universities have set up workshops to help students with their homework and their social interaction skills. Popular workshops include “How to Open A Book and Not Be Afraid”, “This is called a Library”, “How to talk to a person without Face-book” and “Just because Facebook stalking is accepted, that doesn’t mean stalking in real life is okay”.

Tomorrow morning, students will wake up to a new world without Wiki-pedia and social media. However, de-spite this bleak and tough new world, some students are remaining optimis-tic. “At least I still have Tumblr! As long as I see my favourite GIFs, I’m fine!” says 2nd year university student Brian Keys.

UPDATE: Founder of Tumblr, David Karp, has announced that the servers of Tumblr have crashed, with no prospect of recovery. University psychologists are reporting a new wave of student depression across campuses worldwide.

reSidence officialS increaSe enforcement of “Quiet hourS” rule STUDENTS OUTRAGED

Earlier this week, it was announced that, following several complaints from students, more effort would be put into enforcing the “quiet hours” rule in Glendon’s residences. This rule dictates several times at which people in residence are expected to keep noise to a minimum: after 11 p.m. on Sunday-Thursday, after 1 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, and at all times during exam periods. Our reporters caught up with a second-year student who lives in Wood residence to learn about her opinion on the issue.

When asked if she felt that students had often been loud during quiet hours in the past, our source replied, “Yes, especially on Thursdays, when there

are pub nights. From the late evening to about one in the morning, everyone’s listening to loud music with their doors open while getting ready to go out. There’s maybe an hour of silence once everyone has left, and then the people who left earlier start getting back. The rest of the night is full of various groups of drunk people returning to residence and yelling to each other in the halls.”

“So have you been getting more sleep in the past few days, now that the rules are being more strongly en-forced?” we asked.

“What?” our source replied. “No, I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep now that it’s so deathly quiet.”

By stePhanie settle ASSOCIATe eDITOR OF CAMPUS lIFe

Another student voiced a similar opinion, stating that his ability to sleep depends on an off-key rendition of “Piano Man” that reliably comes from his hallway at two in the morning. Meanwhile, students who frequent pub nights are just as annoyed, complaining of the incentive not to drink that the stricter rules have been created. Many have even been forced to spend time with their friends while sober.

No news yet on whether the rumours that the heat in residence buildings will soon be turned down are true, but we have also heard from many students who feel that change would affect them negatively as well, accustomed as they are to falling asleep in pools of sweat.

courtesy WikiPedia

Non-Satirical News

4

Vie de Campus

le tempS paSSe LE CYCLE SAISONNIER DES éTUDIANTS By stella dakPo STAFF WRITeR

Je l’avoue, comme chacun d’entre vous je suis étudiante à Glendon. Je peux donc facilement m’imaginer à quel point le mois de mars et le mois d’avril ne sont pas les mois préférés de l’année scolaire.

Au lieu de s’en plaindre comme on sait tous bien le faire, pourquoi ne pas en rire un peu ?

Il est évident que le temps passe. Il suffit de se réveiller chaque matin et de jeter un coup d’œil à son agenda électronique pour voir les jours pass-er. Une autre manière de s’en rendre compte est de remarquer les saisons s’enchainer au fur et à mesure.

Mais, prenons quelques minutes pour remarquer le cycle des habi-tudes des étudiants de Glendon, En automne, c’était le beau temps, on venait tous de revenir à Glendon. On se revoyait et on se redécouvrait. On avait tous eu l’occasion de vivre des aventures et des expériences uniques. On était revenus changés et le sourire était aux lèvres. C’était la période où on avait tous choisi d’entreprendre de nouvelles résolu-tions. On se promettait d’assister à chacun de nos cours et de compléter toutes nos lectures à temps.

C’est drôle comment tout a changé. Les visages sont maintenant tous crispés. On ne parle plus que des examens et le sommeil est devenu

une denrée aussi rare que de l’eau courante dans un désert. À ce point, nos seules préoccupations sont les examens, les projets à rendre et le stress. Mais où sont donc passé le shopping, les soirées de fête et les voyages ? Même les étudiants qui n’assistaient jamais aux cours sont les plus assidus.

Le plus étonnant c’est que la café-téria se vide bien trop vite pendant que la bibliothèque a du mal à conte-nir tous ces élèves stressés et dépas-

On Sunday, March 3, Glendon welcomed prospective students and their families to campus for our annual spring open house known as Expérience Glendon. As usual, it was a wonderful and infor-mative event organized by the Office of Student Recruitment, student ambas-sadors, and a helpful team of volun-teers. There was something that was a bit different though from years past, which was initially difficult to identify. However, the always-spirited Glendon-ites – who love their campus so dearly – were able to pinpoint exactly what had changed. The conclusion reached was that there were a total of thirty boys in attendance at the open house – a whop-ping 53% increase from last year!

Glendonites were very pleased to hear about this statistical anomaly. Many who were on-campus the day of the event could be seen whispering to each other with excitement evident on their smiling faces. Word quickly spread through the dorms, which inspired many residents to venture out despite the cold to see just what all of the fuss was about. The campus ended up looking busier than it ever has on a weekend as a result of the mix of both current and future students nervously intermingling with one another.

It hasn’t all been sunshine and hap-piness, though. Many students who

BOYS, BOYS, BOYS – WE LOvE THEM!

a Glendon anomaly exciteS current StudentSBy alexa PosliFF CAMPUS lIFe SeCTION eDITOR

are graduating this year expressed intense sadness over the fact that the year after they leave Glendon – after being here for so long, of course – the ratio between boys and girls would finally be closer to evening out. Even if every male in attendance at Expéri-ence Glendon decided to attend next year, however, there would still be quite a gap between the number of boys and girls. Thus, although this is a thrill-ing prospect, this trend would need to continue for approximately thirteen to

seventeen more years in order to truly even out the population. Since Glendon is a liberal arts college, though, this fact was lost on the majority of students.

More than half of this year’s graduat-ing class also cited feelings of extreme jealousy and competitiveness, with some even noting that they felt ‘rage beyond their control’. Fortunately, the internet is vast and is therefore full of resources that can help such students get over their current bouts of envy. WikiHow – one of the most

reliable online sources for help – cites nine steps to help their faithful readers overcome these feelings in their how-to guide, which has the very informative and original title: “How to Stop Being Jealous.” The most useful guidelines appear to be: “Identify the situa-tion that’s triggering your feelings of jealousy,” “Avoid comparing yourself to other people,” and – of course – “Do the opposite of what a jealous person would do”. Though it may be easier said than done, it seems that this step-by-step online instruction manual could be very helpful in aiding jealous students get over their feelings of resentment, and allow them to enjoy their final days at Glendon.

The significance of such a statistical abnormality was lost on the visiting prospective students and their fami-lies, as they had no idea that seeing so many boys at once was such a rarity at Glendon. By the time Frosh Week rolls around, these future Glendonites will understand the shock and awe that swept through Glendon campus dur-ing their Expérience Glendon visit in March 2013. As it is currently unclear just how many of these males who visited campus will actually be in at-tendance next year it is best not to get our hopes up. However, let’s keep our fingers crossed for at least eight!

courtesy WikiPedia

l. glassman

sés par les échéances.Enfin, le Breezeway a changé de

fonction, ce n’est plus l’endroit où on relaxe entre deux cours, mais l’endroit où on reste tard à travailler seuls ou en groupe.

Le temps passe c’est sûr et certain et à Glendon il suffit d’ouvrir ses yeux et de s’armer d’une pointe de satire pour s’en rendre compte.

Bonne chance à tous. La route est longue, mais l’arrivée sera belle. L’été arrive bientôt.

C’est drôle comment tout

a changé. les visages sont

maintenant tous crispés.

On ne parle plus que des

examens et le sommeil est

devenu une denrée aussi

rare que de l’eau courante

dans un désert.

follow us @protemGl

5

See your WorK in printEmail: protEm@glEndon.yorku.ca

le tempS paSSe LE CYCLE SAISONNIER DES éTUDIANTS By stella dakPo STAFF WRITeR

Forget what you thought you knew about fad diets. Take your Atkins, wheat belly and weight watchers points and put them back on the shelf. Recently a new development has occurred that defies everything you THOUGHT you knew about food, dieting and losing weight. Researchers have concluded that the popular and convenient fast food chains such as Mc-Donalds, Taco Bell and Wendy’s have actually been doing something right.

The media has portrayed these types of restaurants as the cause of obesity and health problems galore but what if they actually had the hidden secret to being a healthier you? Those burgers, nuggets and super sized fries are actu-ally the fastest and healthiest choice you could ever make. Those rumors of trans fats being awful for your health are just that, rumors. These fats are actually better for your body. They are easily di-gested and give you that boost of energy that you are looking for. Packed with a ton of additives the menu foods actually strengthen your body’s immune system and help you to concentrate more on daily tasks such as class, performing work duties and even exercising.

Combining your dining experience with some fun for the kids at the play place is an excellent addition. After eating all of that delicious and nutri-tious food your children will be ready to play! Don’t worry if they fall asleep while halfway down the slide, children need a break, or maybe they are just lost in their own imaginations. They might even decide that they would like to eat some more lunch or dinner

A recent study undertaken by York University's leading scientists dis-covered that there is a link between not having a Facebook account and criminality. After hundreds of in-terviews, thousands of genetic tests and hundreds of thousands of funds spent, scientists came to the conclu-sion that those without Facebook were predisposed to committing horrific crimes.

Dr. Rogers, who led the study, expanded his conclusions on his blog: “It is clear to me that, histori-cally; the greatest atrocities against humanity were committed by people who had no presence on social media. The recent incident about a lone gun-man murdering people, while absent from Facebook, confirms that every being without a Facebook is an inevi-table danger to society.”

after a half hour or so. Don’t question if they’re hungry, just give them the good stuff. The children’s menu is packed with fun alternatives to the unhealthy options offered at grocery stores and other restaurants. A children’s combo comes with the option of a cheeseburg-er, hamburger, nuggets, or tacos with a side of fries or cake. You can even try the deep fried versions of any of these for no extra charge. The oil that is used to deep fry the food is of the highest

Police have recommended that those who willingly walk around without a Facebook account should turn them-selves in. One interviewed individual, who requested to be referred to as C.L had turned herself in to the police before she could commit a crime. “I used to participate in a lot of charity events, but I did it all without Face-book. A lot of event organizers gave me these suspicious looks and started distancing themselves from me. I realized that I was becoming a danger and making everyone uncomfortable without a Facebook profile, so I turned myself in before it could get worse.” C. L. was already 29 and Facebook-less; registering on Facebook now would have been too late to provide her with the mark of humanity.

Many have applauded C. L.'s deci-sion to turn herself in to jail. Employ-

By victoria ramsay HeAlTH AND WellNeSS eDITOR

By lisa chen CONTRIbUTOR

try the mcdonaldization diet FUN, FAST AND LESS-FATTENING

not on facebooK? you Should turn yourSelf in A SATIRICAL PIECE ON THE DANGERS OF NOT HAvING FACEBOOK

courtesy WikiPedia

courtesy WikiPedia

ers have also started to do background checks on employees who are not on Facebook. One CEO justified his ac-tions by stating in an email, “If you don't feature the smallest, mundane anecdotes about your day, you're hid-ing something; you're hiding every-thing. I don't comprehend those who choose to live without Facebook.” He continued, adding that, “Facebook has changed my company for the better. I can track my employees by the hour. I can even follow the activities of my children and ex-girlfriends. I have no idea how I ran my company for decades before Facebook.”

A database has already begun to profile those who have otherwise refused to register on Facebook. The work has been incomplete, due to the sheer volume of six billion people without a Facebook account.

Issues and Ideas

grade, bought from local farmers that oversee each step in the intricate production process. Experts recom-mend incorporating this type of oil into your diet because of its benefits to your heart.

Moms put away the pots and pans and leave the time consuming pain of grocery shopping behind. Listen to the health experts. Head to the drive through or make it a family affair by eating in is all around an intelligent

choice. They are hungry and so are you. Making smart food choices leads to a healthier, happier you. Try to make eating out a habit. Losing weight and eating healthy has never been so fast and convenient. So go ahead, jump into the car and head down to your local fast food joint and indulge in the healthier options that our society and culture has to offer. You can’t beat the price, taste or nutritious value. Don’t think, just eat.

Try to make eating out a

habit. losing weight and

eating healthy has never

been so fast and convenient.

pluS Que deS motS

LES TENSIONS NON-DISCUTéES ENTRE LES FRANCOPHONES Par olivia Blackmore RéDACTRICe De eNjeUX eT IDéeS

On dit que « les paroles s'envolent, mais que les écrits restent ». C’est donc avec ma plume que je tente d’abattre des barrières linguistiques qui existent parmi les communautés francophones. Je suis une Canadienne française, née à Toronto — je suis donc « Franco-Ontarienne ». Ce dont je me prépare à discuter dans cet article est un sujet considéré plutôt tabou parmi les franco-phones. Je voudrais informer le monde sur la gravité d’un problème, d’une per-ception de supériorité qui existe entre nous, Canadiens-français et nos cousins français d’Europe.

Je n’oublierai jamais la première fois que j’ai entendu les mots « tu ne parles pas le vrai français » — énoncé avec une crédibilité sincère qui suggérait que mon accent canadien-français était inférieur à celui de ceux du continent européen. Je venais de recevoir une bonne claque et je me souviens toujours de ma colère qui suivit cette insulte. À ce moment-là, je n’ai pas compris ce que je ressentais, cette émotion si intense. Ce n’était que des paroles…Alors, pourquoi ce nœud dans mon estomac? Plus tard, lorsque je suis devenue plus intéressée à mes racines et à mon identité francophone, j’ai compris pour-quoi ces paroles m’avaient marquée si profondément.

La langue et l’accent du Canadien français représentent plus qu’une « langue » et un « accent » – c’est notre culture, notre identité, c’est le « Je suis ». Que quelqu’un ose dire que mon accent n’est pas du vrai français n’est pas seulement une injure, mais est une grave offense au cœur de moi-même. Peut-être que ceci peut être mieux

compris si nous explorons l’histoire de la violence contre les Canadiens français et tous les attentats pour les assimiler dans la culture anglaise.

Ma mère est née de parents québé-cois et elle a grandi à Sudbury, une ville minière « dans l’nord ». Elle a fait ses études à l’Université Trent, à Peterborough, où elle était une parmi trois Canadiens-français sur le campus. Pendant son séjour à Trent, le Québec faisait les gros titres internationaux après l’infâme « Crise d’octobre ». Un soir, pendant ses études, des étudi-ants vinrent la chercher afin qu’elle « se défende » auprès d’un groupe d’étudiants qui discutaient de la situ-ation politique et des Anglais et des Français au Canada. Une des étudi-antes de cette institution postsecon-daire énonça des paroles qu’elle (et maintenant moi) n’oublieront jamais – « The English should have just killed all the French-Canadians ». Heureuse-ment, depuis ce temps-là, les relations anglos francophones se sont améliorées. J’ai demandé à ma mère comment elle se sentait comme Canadienne-française au cours de ces années turbulentes. Elle m’a répondu qu’il y avait tellement de haine, qu’elle était fatiguée d’en parler. L’important, c’est que les anglo-phones et les francophones regardent maintenant vers l’avenir, malgré toute la violence, la rancune et la souffrance de cette période de notre histoire.

Mes grands-parents maternels et ma mère se sont battus pour garder leur langue et leur culture et mainten-ant c’est à mon tour. Les Canadiens français n’ont pas besoin de se battre pour garder leur culture vivante; cette

guerre a été gagnée. Mais la culture de mes ancêtres vit en moi et c’est mon de-voir de la protéger. Enfin, ma question est la suivante – pourquoi devons-nous bâtir tous ces murs? Pourquoi avons-nous besoin en plus cette haine entre francophones? Je ne comprends pas pourquoi nous passons du temps à juger la qualité du français entre nous, fran-cophones, quand nous possédons une même langue magnifique. La plupart du monde en parle comme si c’est l’une des plus belles langues sur cette terre. Oui, c’est du français que je parle, pas du français parisien ou du québécois; l’un n’est pas mieux que l’autre. Si chaque humain a été créé égal, ne le jugeons pas par son accent.

Ce que je crains le plus, c’est que cette pensée ignorante se propage comme un virus parmi les personnes qui ne sont même pas francophones. Ça fait trop de fois que j’entends ces personnes qui se référent au français européen comme étant le « meilleur » ou le français le plus « correct ». C’est inacceptable! Heureusement, pas tous nos cousins français ne pensent de cette façon. Pas tous ne passent des commentaires intentionnellement au sujet des accents canadiens-français. Ce que je crois, c’est que quoique ton orig-ine – africaine, canadienne- française ou européenne, nous devrions célébrer le fait que nous pouvons communiquer et nous comprendre. Le fait que notre langue est parlée partout dans le monde devrait être célébré et non utilisé pour créer d’autres frontières entre nos cultures. Alors, abattons ces murs invisibles et que la seule chose qui nous sépare est l’océan entre nos continents.

more than WordS THE (UN)SPOKEN TENSIONS BETWEEN FRANCOPHONES By olivia Blackmore eDITOR OF ISSUeS AND IDeAS

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, and it is with my pen that I wish not to defeat an opponent, but to break down a barrier that exists between Francophone communities. I am a French-Canadian, born in Toronto and am therefore “Franco-Ontarian”. What I am about to discuss in this article is something of a taboo subject amongst Francophones, and I would like to start a dialogue to help inform people on the gravity of a certain superiority issue that exists between French-Canadians and our French cousins in Europe.

I will never forget the first time I heard the words “you don’t speak real French,” spoken with the utmost sincerity in the belief that my French-Canadian accent was inferior to a French accent from mainland Europe. Those words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I still remember the gut wrenching feeling of anger. At the time, I did not understand why I was feeling this way. They’re just words right? But as I grew older, and started to become more curi-ous about my identity as a Francophone, I began to understand why these words left such an impact on me.

To French-Canadians, our language and accent are not just simply our lan-guage and accent. They are much more – they are our entire culture, our identity, and who we are. For someone to make such a statement, that our language isn’t “real” is not only insulting, but it is an offense to our person as whole. This is understandable if you look at the violent history concerning French-Canadians and the attempts made toward their assimilation. My mother was born to Québécois parents and grew up in north-ern Ontario, in a mining town called Sudbury. She attended Trent University in Peterborough, where at the time she was only one of three French-Canadians on campus. During her time at Trent, history would be taking place in Québec during the infamous “crise d’Octobre.”

My mother was asked one evening, to partake in a discussion of these events at the school library. She was told she had to “defend herself”. One of the other students, at this institution of higher learning made a statement that my mother (and now I) will never forget: “The English should have just killed all the French-Canadians”. Anglo-Franco-

phone relations have since improved. I asked my mother what it felt like to be a French-Canadian during those years and she told me that there was just so much hate, and she is, even to this day, tired of talking about it. However, the important thing is that both Anglophones and Fran-cophones have moved forward, despite all the violence, hurt, and resentment.

My grandparents and my mother fought to keep our language and our cul-ture alive and it is now my turn. French-Canadians no longer have to fight to keep their culture alive; that battle has been won. But the culture of my fore-bearers now lives through me, and it is my duty to protect its dignity. My ques-tion is: why do we need to put up these barriers? Why do we need more hate between us? I cannot understand why there is a need for judgment, when we Francophones all speak the same won-derful language. Most consider French to be one of the most beautiful languages. “French” being the operative word here, not “Parisian French” or “Québécois French”; one is not better than the other. If man was made equal, let him not be judged by his regional accent.

Enjeux et Idées

6

To French-Canadians,

our language and accent

are not just simply our

language and accent. They

are much more – they are

our entire culture, our

identity, and who we are.

la langue et l’accent

du Canadien français

représentent plus qu’une

« langue » et un « accent »

– c’est notre culture, notre

identité, c’est le « je suis ».

Non-Satirical News

Issues and Ideas

7

SECTARIAN UNDERTONES IN CONFLICT STIR WORRIES ABOUT A BALKANESQUE QUAGMIRE

By ottó Faludi CONTRIbUTOR

“Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.”- vladimir Nabokov

If somehow you disagree with this quote, I welcome observe something that gets influenced by satire more than any other subject in our lives - politics. While some people might think that the world of politics consists of endless debating on important, yet potentially ambiguous questions, others might present a broader definition. Politics is not restricted to a definition of Parlia-ment discussions and newspaper ar-ticles; it is a part of our everyday lives. Whenever we say a new joke about Prime Minister, or blame the TTC for another delay, we engage ourselves in a position in which our stance exceeds the ordinary norms of non-partisanship. We respond to potentially unpleasant decisions of the government by mock-ing them, thus defending our right for freedom of speech and pointing out where precisely they are doing it wrong. Over the time, this tradition has evolved into a distinct and extraor-dinary part of politics, driving by the desires to make the potentially unap-pealing issues sound entertaining.

It is quite difficult to say when the first example of political satire ap-peared, because it established its roots centuries ago. Anyway, we might guess that it first appeared at the same time as when the sphere of politics became relevant within ancient society and a good portion of it was necessary to explain to the pleadings of the general population. The oldest example that has survived to this day is Aristophanes, a comic playwright of ancient Greece. He mocked Athenian leaders and their conduct around the Peloponnesian War. His satire and derision progressively attacked even the fundamental and most sacred tenets of faith, leading to an increased doubt towards religion by the general population.1 Or consider Dante Alighieri and his “Divine Com-edy” in which he situated his prominent political figures right in hell!

Throughout the centuries, political satire has become an integral part of our society. Moreover, it is still used as an effective tool of public commen-tary by this day. In a modern world of politics, it is hard to imagine a newspa-per without a single caricature cartoon that we are so used to seeing. Without a doubt, satire allows a serious and unappealing subject, such as politics, to become entertaining, and consequently more attractive to the general public. If you still doubt whether or not satire should be considered a lesson, consider Nabokov’s quote; imagine a world without satire, would it be possible then to understand the lessons that satire provides? Satire has existed in closed and open societies, democratic and undemocratic countries, simply because genuine humor is impossible stop.

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_satire

ShadoWS of boSnia in Syrian civil War

In watching the calamitous events of the Syrian civil war unfold before my very eyes, I am starkly reminded of the horrors of the Bosnian War which claimed an estimated 110,000 lives, according to the UN Prosecutor’s Of-fice at the War Crimes Tribunal in The Hague. While it is impossible to draw precise parallels between Bosnia and Syria due to historical, geographic, cultural, political, and social asym-metry between the two states, the Bosnian War certainly provides food for thought from which we may draw lessons and predictions with a view to the Syrian conflict.

Today, the Syrian civil war is en-tering its 24th month of relentless destruction, with nary an indication that a solution is at hand, even on the distant horizon. The United Nations recently reported that an estimated 70,000 people have been killed since the devastating war began in earnest, including combatants and civilians; in actual fact, the number of dead is prob-ably much higher than that, and does not include the hundreds of thousands who have been permanently maimed by the terrible weapons of war. In the meantime, the tally of displaced Syrians is thought to number in the millions at this juncture, and the heavy outflow of refugees to neighbouring countries – in particular Jordan and Turkey – is threatening to overwhelm the infrastructural capacity of those host nations.

Demographics have played – and continue to play – a key role in both the Bosnian and Syrian conflicts. In 1992, Bosnia was split along ethnic di-visions with five regions controlled by three ethnicities, and a demographic composed of roughly 44% Bosniak Muslims, 33% Orthodox Christian Serbs, 17% Catholic Croats, 4% Yu-goslavs, and 2% ‘others’. The Bosnian conflict pitted the three dominant ethnic groups against each other in a protracted war that witnessed un-thinkable instances of ethnic cleansing, countless massacres, untold numbers of rapes, and innumerable war crimes committed by all sides. When the smoke cleared and the dust finally settled in 1995, a peace treaty was concluded at Dayton, Ohio and signed by Yugoslav leader Slobodan Milosevic – a Serb, Croatian president Franjo Tudjman, and the Muslim president of Bosnia-Herzegovina Alija Izetbegovic, all of whom had been willing allies and accomplices of their ethnic partisans during the war.

In comparison, the Syrian civil war has seen the majority Sunni Muslims of the country – comprising some three quarters of Syria’s population – mired in a conflict against the al-Assad re-gime and its military apparatus, which draw their loyalists from the country’s minority Alawite population, a demo-graphic that accounts for a mere 7-10% of all Syrians. In addition, approxi-mately 10% of Syrians are Christians

of various denominations, and while some 90% of Syria is of Arab stock, there is a strong Kurdish minority in the northern regions of the country. In contrast to Bosnia, the Syrian civil war ostensibly emerged from a campaign to bring democratic reforms to the country, although over the past two years the appearance of fundamental-ist Sunni militants at the frontlines of the conflict has quickly transformed the nature of the Syrian Civil War into a sectarian and religious struggle. With Shiite Iran supporting its quasi-Shiite ally al-Assad, and Sunni Gulf states funneling weapons and money to vari-ous Sunni-dominated rebel factions, Syria is worryingly beginning to bear the hallmarks of a Balkanesque conflict that is fuelled by ethnic and/or religious kin from abroad.

There has been much discussion about whether or not we can expect the formation of an Alawite state after the eventual fall of the al-Assad regime, with one noted scholar on Syria argu-ing in the negative. However, the Bos-nian example serves as a good indicator that in a country as fractious as Syria –which will become even more so once this conflict ends – there will need to be some sort of arrangement that protects the ruling minority from reprisals after they are presumably booted from power. If no guarantee is provided for the security of the Alawite sect, as was given to the Bosnian Serbs with the creation of their own mini-state within that country, the world will leave the door open to continued and relentless bloodshed. A map of Syria’s ethnic and religious partitions paints a clear pic-ture of a deeply divided country which I submit can only be rebuilt with a similar arrangement to the framework applied in Bosnia.

The Dayton Agreement of 1995 – coming on the heels of a successful NATO intervention to halt the seem-ingly intractable violence in Bosnia – laid the framework for a peaceful – if tense – resolution of the Bosnian War, marked by a power-sharing arrange-ment between Bosnian Serbs, Cro-ats, and Muslims (i.e. “Bosniaks”). In theory, the governance of the country as a tripartite state, with a rotating presidency among the dominant eth-nicities, has more or less kept the peace in a nation that is only recently emerg-ing from the ashes of Europe’s most devastating war since 1945. In reality, however, calm and order are ultimately assured by the authority of the inter-nationally-appointed High Representa-tive for Bosnia-Herzegovina, who holds the key to all final political decisions in the country.

While in recent weeks we have witnessed an apparent willingness by some elements within the Syrian op-position and on the side of the regime to kick-start talks in an effort to pull the country back from the brink of total collapse, it would be wise to remem-ber that the opposition has minimal

influence and control over the rebel forces who are fighting to overthrow al-Assad. The situation is made all the more thorny by the fact that some of the most successful rebel brigades are composed of hard-line Sunni Muslim jihadists, who completely reject any no-tion of dialogue with the Syrian regime and who view the Alawite sect as an abomination of Islam. A key obstacle to establishing a pacific settlement of the civil war will be the ability of the international community and the Syr-ian opposition to convince fighters on the ground in Syria to lay down their weapons and join negotiations with the regime.

Recalling the game-changing factor in the Bosnian War, it was only after NATO intervened that a ceasefire was finally achieved and that a political agreement was concluded to end to a conflict which could have continued indefinitely. The strategic complexities in the domain of great power inter-ests have thus far prevented a similar approach in Syria, but it is instructive to remember that the Bosnian NATO campaign lacked Russian, Chinese, and UN approval, yet NATO acted unilaterally and succeeded in ending the war. With the UN stymied on Syria due to Russian and Chinese support of the al-Assad regime in the UN Secu-rity Council, Western policymakers may once again find it incumbent upon NATO to once again stop a wholesale slaughter and abort what could be the final dissolution of the Syrian state. Memories of Bosnia will continue to cast long shadows in relation to the Syrian civil war, but it remains to be seen whether the international commu-nity and key actors involved will learn from the lessons of the past.

Author’s note: In an ironic twist of fate, a new report claims that Syrian rebels are now being armed with weap-ons left over from the Balkan wars.

This article was originally published in the student-run political journal www.freedomwriters.ca.

Memories of bosnia

will continue to cast long

shadows in relation to the

Syrian civil war, but it

remains to be seen whether

the international com-

munity and key actors

involved will learn from

the lessons of the past.

political Satire HOW CAN YOU BE AMUSED BY POLITICS?

By artem zaytsev ASSOCIATe eDITOR OF ISSUeS AND IDeAS

Non-Satirical News

8

Health and Wellness > Bien-Être et Santé

Welcome to the roadrunner Society! LIvING LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

By alexia laWson CONTRIbUTOR

courtesy WikiPedia

Has the infamous “ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat” become the motto of your daily life? Take a few moments to imagine the following scenario…if your schedule will allow you to do so:

Morning time. You wake up, burnt out from the previous night. You con-template hitting the snooze button… Your brain attempts to question if you have time to sleep a little longer. How about skipping breakfast here, and picking up something quick on the way to campus? Perfect! Return to deep slumber; hit the snooze button once, twice maybe three more times before you finally hop out of bed. You hur-riedly salute the sun in a few moments of speed yoga to start your day calmly. Oh the irony. You take a five-minute shower then brush your teeth as you skim through your closet, hoping to find the perfect outfit that will permit the hectic timetable that it will encounter throughout the day. You head out the door, using your Rocket Man app to calculate when your bus will be at your stop. You’ve got two minutes. Where are your keys to lock the door? Panic! You scramble to find it, searching the depths of your bag and pockets. Only fifty-seven seconds. With your hand in the last of your pockets, you realize, you were holding them the whole time.

It’s down to thirty-five seconds. You bolt full speed to the stop.

You’re only 3 leaps from the bus, when the driver pulls away. No. He didn’t just leave. You impatiently wait for the next bus for an agonizing twelve minutes. As you respond to texts during the ride, the bus halts, and the driver is walking over to the curbside Tim Hor-ton’s. Your class is going to begin soon, couldn’t he have done this on his own time? The minutes feel like hours and you’re vexed and impatient. He returns with his coffee and the ride continues. You arrive at your political science lec-ture in the nick of time. You try to keep up with the prof’s lecture. When class finishes you move on to stats where you suddenly realize you forgot to get breakfast. The intrusive grumbles of your stomach remind you. A few hours pass and you are at home studying. Ev-ery few minutes you are distracted by flashes of your phone, indicating incom-ing texts. Distracted, you miss key parts of your reading and assignments. It’s been a whirlwind of a day.

This kind of extreme busyness is the product of urbanized society. Speed is glorified and unproductivity is frowned upon. Multitasking is the new norm, but it’s also hard to attain. We assume that we’re getting a better bang for

our buck by crunching all of our tasks into one time slot. In actuality, rather than accomplishing anything we are just doing a less than desirable job. Are you taking it all in? We have fast food, speed dating and the instant gratifica-tion of social media. Who can afford to wait a gradual period of time to lose weight in a healthy way when fad diets promise that you’ll shred those pesky 10 pounds in just 7 days? It’s a con-stant race against time, us versus the clock. It doesn’t matter how we feel, we must continue. We fight with increased stress, constant forgetfulness and lack of analysis or thought. We spend time with loved ones but fail to give them our undivided attention as we multi-task. Even our quality of character is often reduced as we’re in too much of a rush to help a neighbor. Why so fast? For many, there is a fear that slow-ing down will force us to consider the metaphysical, deeper questions: Am I mentally secure? Is change possible? What is the purpose of life? Maybe these are in fact the questions that we need to be asking ourselves.

Have you become a slave to the tick-ing hands on the clock? Your time is precious, but don’t let your relationship with it hinder you. Slow down and take control of your time management.

le rire: le meilleur remèdeANTIDOTE CONTRE LE STRESS DE LA FIN DE L’ANNéE

Par a.k. russell RéDACTRICe ASSISTANTe De bIeN-ÊTRe eT SANTé

Comme la fin de l’année approche, nous savons que les étudiants sont épuisés, stressés et fatigués. Alors, nous vous proposons un moyen très simple, mais aussi très effectif de survivre cette période critique de l’année académique. On dit que le rire est le meilleur remède; mais ce proverbe, est-il vrai? Selon le site web helpguide.org, ce proverbe résonne ef-fectivement de vérité. Donc, pourquoi ne pas prendre une dose de ce remède pendant la période d’examens ou pen-dant vos sessions d’études.

Mais, comment cette méthode fonctionne-t-elle? Le stress est ca-pable d’agir comme un catalyseur qui déclenche d’autres processus qui augmentent ou réduisent leur impact sur le corps. Contrairement, le rire aide notre santé physique, notre santé mentale et notre vie sociale.

Le rire n’est pas un exercice, mais il peut activer nos systèmes internes qui maintiennent l’homéostasie, l’équilibre corporel. Le rééquilibrage qu’apporte le rire peut surtout être utile lorsque le stress tente de nous déséquilibrer. D’ailleurs, le rire rehausse le système immunitaire, réduit les hormones de stress, détend les muscles et empêche

les maladies du cœur.Et comment aide-t-il notre cerveau?

Le rire est souvent provoqué par quelque chose de drôle. Cette mani-festation d’émotion positive change alors les processus cognitifs vers une pensée plus positive. De plus, le rire ajoute de la joie dans notre vie, réduit notre anxiété et nos peurs, réduit le stress et rehausse notre humeur.

également, le rire peut se produ-ire quand on est seul en regardant la télé, mais aussi en compagnie d’autres personnes lors de situations sociales. D’après les études, c’est toujours mieux de rire ensemble que de rire seuls puisque le rire mène à des bien-faits sociaux autant que personnels. Par exemple, le rire renforce les rela-tions sociales, aide à éviter des conflits et améliore le travail d’équipe.

Enfin, pour bénéficier de ce remède naturel, on doit essayer de sourire plus, on doit passer plus de temps avec des personnes qui nous font rire et qui nous font sourire et on doit ajouter un peu d’humour dans nos vies. Alors, ne prenez pas la vie trop au sérieux. Autrement, on risque de se faire engouffrer par la vie et le stress qu’elle emporte.

courtesy Bill Branson & WikiPedia

Why so fast? For many,

there is a fear that slowing

down will force us to

consider the metaphysical,

deeper questions.

contactEz-nous / contact us

protem@Glendon.yorKu.ca

protemGl.tumblr.com

Non-Satirical News

Submit an article: protEm@glEndon.yorku.ca

9

Metropolis

DrivinG slow on sunDay morninGOR JUST DRIVING ANY DAY OF THE WEEK

By Ayelen BArrios ruiz PAgAno Editor oF mEtropoliS

All of my happy memories involve a car of some sort. Driving is most definitely my favourite past time. There is nothing like driving for hours only to stop and spend every last penny (or I guess nickel since the penny no longer exists) on gas just to prolong your trip. Oh what a feeling! Driving alone on some old country road, just to be slowed down by a tractor and not being able to pass it. As you speed by you can imagine the young children suffering of asthma in the years to come due to the gas fumes your car is giving off. You smile at the wonders of be-ing on the open road.

The invenTion of rush-hourMON TEMPS FAVORI DU JOUR By cAitlin BAttAgliA ASSoCiAtE Editor oF mEtropoliS

We all know the drill: you’re in your car, on your bike, on the bus, or even on foot—and the traffic is so heavy that you’re stuck in one place for a long time. It can make your commute even longer, and you could be waiting for what feels like forever. Even when you’re not in a vehicle you need to wait on traffic in order to cross a ramp or just the road.

Mais je vous demande honnêtement: quel est le problème? Cette attente nous alloue plus de temps pour ac-complir nos autres tâches. 32 minutes? À mon avis, c’est parfait : j’utiliserai mon temps dans l’autobus ou dans ma voiture pour être productive.

In Toronto’s current initiative, “What Would You Do With Your 32?” (your32.com), the city asks commuters what they would do with their extra time, if transit were to improve. The consensus is overwhelming: Torontonians would sleep! And what use is that?

Tout le monde sait qu’on a assez de sommeil chaque nuit. Alors, pourquoi est-ce que les citoyens en veulent plus? On peut utiliser les 32 minutes pour des buts plus urgents. Chaque étudiant sur le bus peut compléter les lectures qu’il ou elle doit faire pour ses classes. Au lieu de dormir, on peut travailler sur nos devoirs! N’est-il pas néces-saire qu’on prenne plus de temps pour atteindre nos objectifs et assurer nos responsabilités?

Even Rob Ford, whose status as mayor is dubious but no less legal, has

an iTinerary of a sunDay well spenT JUST AN AVERAGE DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOWNTOWN TORONTONIAN By dAnicA MohAMed StAFF WritEr For mEtropoliS

8:00 AM – Wake up and realize its Sunday. Go back to sleep.12:00 PM – Wake up for the second time. Lie in bed for a good 10 minutes for no reason.12:11 PM – Actually get out of bed and brush teeth.12:18 PM – Eat breakfast…or lunch…or brunch, while watching CP24 for accurate weather reports and exciting news in and around the city.1:00 PM – Decide to visit the CN Tower (it’s only the 3rd visit this year…3rd time’s the charm). Get dressed according to weather report for today (2 cm of snow)!1:30 PM – Wait for the 94 bus to get to Wellesley station.1:45 PM – Look at watch and wonder where the bus is.1:48 PM – Bus finally comes. Contemplate why it would have been much easier to walk to the subway station, seeing as it’s only 15 minutes away from home.1:55 PM – Arrive at Wellesley station. Wait for southbound train to Union Station.2:00 PM – Hear an announcement that there is no subway service from King to Union Station today for some unintelligible reason. 2:01 PM – Think about other fun activities to do in the city...keep thinking...there must be something. Decide to go skating at City Hall. Go back to the bus platform to wait for the bus again.2:30 PM – Arrive home. Grab old skates from closet. 2:40 PM – Decide to walk to Wellesley station this time instead of waiting for the bus. 2:44 PM – Continue walking and see the 94 bus pass by. Try to make a run for it…2:45 PM – Didn’t make it. Take a breather for 5 minutes. Too. Much. Running.3:00 PM – Arrive at Wellesley station. Wait for a southbound train.3:01 PM – Hear an announcement that there is a delay and service will shortly be resumed.3:09 PM – Train arrives. Realize it’s out of service. Watch it pass by.3:14 PM – Another train arrives. Get on and go to Queen Station.3:20 PM – Decide against waiting for the streetcar and walk to City Hall.3:30 PM – Starts to rain. Was not prepared for rain.3:35 PM – Reach City Hall. See puddles in ice rink. Unable to skate today.3:36 PM – Decide to go to the Tim Hortons across the street.4:15 PM – Still at Tim Hortons. 4:18 PM – Call up friend to eat out for dinner tonight. Plan to meet at 7pm.4:32 PM – Exit Tim Hortons. Rain stops. Walk toward the Eaton Centre to pass the time.4:45 PM – Arrive at Eaton Centre. Head to Indigo first.5:30 PM – Realize the mall closes at 6pm on Sundays. Rush to favourite store downstairs.6:00 PM – Did not find anything to buy at store. Store closes.6:02 PM – Walk to Dundas Square and wait for friend. Should have planned to meet up earlier.7:15 PM – Friend arrives. Discuss where to eat.7:45 PM – Finally decide where to eat. Walk down on Yonge Street to restaurant.8:00 PM – Somehow restaurant is packed. On a Sunday. Decide to go to the McDonalds next door instead.8:05 PM – Wait in line to place order.8:20 PM – Get food and sit down with friend. Catch up on life (aka letting your friend speak for a really long time).9:30 PM – Leave McDonalds and say bye to friend. Walk to Yonge Station.9:45 PM – Reach Yonge Station and wait for southbound train to Wellesley.10:00 PM – Exit train at Wellesley and wait for 94 bus.10:30 PM – Arrive home. 10:40 PM – Realize French assignment is due tomorrow morning. Start assignment.11:30 PM – Finish work. Turns out there was an extension and you didn’t have to rush. Sigh. Brush teeth, and get ready for bed.11:50 PM – Set alarm for 9:00 AM class tomorrow. Contemplate typical day today. Go to sleep.

optimized his commute time to the best of his ability. He has been seen on multiple occasions to be making impor-tant phone calls behind the wheel, or catching up on reading. Other drivers are sometimes witnessed dismounting their vehicles in order to change jack-ets or get some fresh air. Busy traffic gives everyone more opportunities to get things done.

Dans une étude récente hypothé-tique, les répondants ont estimé qu’il y a une augmentation de productivité d’environ 32 %. Les banlieusards ap-précient grandement l’utilité de l’heure de pointe. Et pourquoi pas? C’est le temps exact pour effectuer son travail, n’est-ce pas?

Personally, the author has found that she has made it through more leisure reading than she has in a long time, thanks to the Bayview bus taking twenty minutes between each stop.

De plus, vous pouvez même vous faire de nouveaux amis. Est-ce qu’il y a une meilleure façon pour vous famil-iariser avec vos voisins (de bus ou de maison)? S’il y en a une, je ne la connais pas.

So the next time traffic has slowed to a crawl or you find your car averaging zero kilometres an hour on the high-way, be sure to get an early dinner in, or catch up on some reading! Multi-tasking, after all, is surely the key to success and it absolutely does not lead to any kind of danger. And it most defi-nitely is not the key to reckless driving charges.

De plus, personne ne sera surpris quand l’usage de 32 minutes est pour le Facebook et le Farmville, et non pour passer plus de temps en compagnie de sa famille.

That’s just the start. It only gets better when you’re driving downtown. Now that’s pure relaxation. Cyclists everywhere, one way roads, people not knowing what the right of way is -what a joy! Not to mention the many stops and detours you have to take because of the constant state of construction in and around the city. It’s always won-derful to see the vast line-up on what should be a 4 lane road but has now is a one lane road since three lanes are required to fix a single pothole that has been under repair for a year now. You’d think it was a sinkhole, the time they take, but you’re glad they take that kind of time; it means they’re being perfectionists so that they never have to fix it again. It’s somewhat sad when you see them leave, but the sadness doesn’t last too long because within the month they’re back and the process starts all over again.

Any driver knows that there is one time of the year when city driving is at its peak. Only when there is a pile of snow the one day you are rushed to go to school or work and somehow the ploughs haven’t come by the one street you need to go on. I live for those days. Not knowing whether you’re winter tires are up to par, not knowing if there’s black ice below that sheet of snow, now that’s an adrenaline rush! I can’t quite explain how it feels to feel your car slip on the snow, why would

anyone ever buy a ticket to Canada’s Wonderland when they have snow for a few short months a year?

I don’t own my own car; instead I have to ask either parent to use a car. That being said my dream is to spend an uncanny amount of money on the car of my dreams that will be an old broken piece of junk in just a short few years. Let’s not forget another uncanny amount to pay for insurance. I feel so special when they charge me extra just because I drive a red car over a white one. Let’s not forget the special treat-ment I get because of my age and by treatment I mean the extra money I pay.

For all these reasons and more is why I love driving in the GTA. Isn’t this all what we looked forward to when we were waiting to be 16, or when we finally got our G2 license and we could drive alone? Isn’t it all it’s cut out to be?

Arts and Entertainment

10

The Dark horses of Cinema: GreaT films losT in TimeBy Ashley MonizContributor

Airplane! (1980)Directed & Written By: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry ZuckerStarring: Robert Hayes, Julie Haggerty & Leslie Nielsen

When in search of a good quality satire flick, it is highly advised to begin that journey before the time where parody films don the tagline “From the Producers of Scary Movie...

Airplane! is mainly a parody of the 1957 disaster film Zero Hour, parody-ing other films in the process, such as Airport 1975, Saturday night Fever, and From Here to Eternity. The film is centred around Ted Striker (Robert Hayes), a disgruntled and unsuccessful war veteran, who makes a quick decision to board a flight on which his stewardess ex-girlfriend, Elaine Dickinson (Julie Haggerty), is working. He boards this flight in an attempt to rekindle their love, but he is un-successful. Trouble begins to brew when many people on board the aircraft fall ill after some bad fish is served at dinnertime, including the pilot, Captain Clarence Oveur (Peter Graves) and co-pilot, Roger Murdock (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar). Ted is the only healthy person remaining who knows how to fly a plane, and while the inflatable autopilot can safely fly the plane to its destination, a human pilot must land it. While Ted is the best option, he is unconfident in landing the plane on his own. The last time he flew resulted in many people dying, which is why he lost his confidence in himself; it was also the cause to Elaine leaving him. With the help of Dr. Barry Rumark (Leslie Nielsen) and Ted’s former commanding officer Captain Rex Kramer (Robert Stack), Ted must somehow find the courage to overcome his fear and land the plane.

The jokes made in this film take a variety of forms. Many of the film’s classic jokes stem from plays on words, such as the following well known exchange:

“Surely, you can’t be serious. / I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”While some have the notion that the humour in this film is outdated, the edgi-

ness of some of the humour bears strong comparison to modern parody films. The 1980 film quality and effects are older, and the comedic mishaps that would look fake in a more modern film fit right in with the tone. Overall, there are jokes in this movie that people who appreciate a variety of different types of humour can enjoy. Despite the fact that this film at its time received only a PG rating, a great deal of the jokes and content in the film are definitely not suitable for children.The beauty of this film is, that unlike modern parody films, the acting is of a respectable standard. The sense of comedic timing from the main and supporting characters alike brings out the jokes so much more. Viewers of this film will find in it something different from the likes of modern parody films: people won’t be laughing along with second rate actors having stupid things happen to them, but good actors saying and doing humorous things with a straight face and commit-ment to what they are doing.

Potential viewers should note that some of the jokes, while in the interest of comedy, briefly touch upon subjects that they might find uncomfortable, such as abortion, suicide and substance abuse. Even though most of these jokes are made in the interest of comedy, anyone who would not appreciate such humour or con-siders it a touchy subject due to personal experience or belief should bear this in mind prior to seeing this movie.

Airplane! is a classic in both comedy and American film history. Of everything this film has achieved, it has even managed a feat not common among parody films: it has become far more famous and successful than the film that it parodied. In the 21st century, movies, especially comedies, are not made quite like this any-more. Where comedic actors once entirely relied on talent and verbal and physical comedic timing, they now resort to cheap antics and mockery.

Movies like Airplane! show audiences that a good comedy doesn’t need a big budget or mockery in itself. It just needs a clever dialogue, likeable characters, and a whole lot of funny.

For more movie recommendations, please check out “Ashley Moniz’s Movie Reviews” on Facebook.

mean Girls inspireD DownTon abbey episoDe in The worksBy lAurA stAnleyASSoCiAtE Editor ArtS & EntErtAinmEnt

Following season three’s dramatics and a surge in popularity in North America, Downton Abbey writer and creator Julian Fellowes announced that the series will take its cues from the beloved film Mean Girls in an upcoming episode of season four.

After a sudden increase in Downton Abbey mashups captured the public’s attention, Jimmy Fallon’s “Downton Sixbey” and Sesame Street’s “Upside Downton Abbey,” being some of the many highlights, Fellowes revealed in a recent interview that he felt it was very fitting to appeal to the fans’ interests.

“It seemed only appropriate to merge a television show and a movie that are both loved by so many,” Fellowes said. “With our increasing viewership, I want Downton to be able to get over any of the show’s barriers, it being a period drama after all, and appeal to a younger audience. By taking inspiration from the plot of Mean Girls, I feel that we are able to do that,” he added.

After getting the green light from Mean Girls screenplay writer Tina Fey to borrow some of the script’s material, Fellowes has been ecstatic about the episode’s potential. “I’m such a huge fan of the movie, I just couldn’t pass up this great opportunity. I am convinced that through this episode, I will be the one to make “fetch” happen,” he said.

Despite such heavy drama happening last season, marked by two major deaths, viewers should not expect this special episode to fully lighten the Downton mood and contain the same humour of the original movie, but rather it will be keeping up with the show’s (mostly) serious tones.

Downton producer Rebecca Eaton also disclosed some information about the upcoming episode to a UK magazine saying, “Everyone, cast and crew, is so excited about season four’s Mean Girls inspired episode. In spite of our love for the movie’s humour, the episode will remain a dramatic one, adopting plot lines like Regina eating those high-calorie nutrition bars and Kevin-G’s holiday concert rap, into a serious context.”

While no official plot details have been released, there is more than a fair share of rumours online about what will happen. The Tumblr blog “F-Yeah Lady Mary’s Eyebrows” is reporting that Mr. Bates and Anna will take on the role of Damien and Janis to a new housemaid. They are also proclaiming that a new love interest for the newly widowed Mary will be introduced in the new season who, they say, does look sexy with his hair pushed back.

Continuing with plot rumours, British tabloid paper “The Sun” reported that Alfred will ask the new maid if her muffin is indeed buttered while The Plastics, headed by Thomas Barrow and O’Brien, will in fact be life ruiners.

With filming already underway for season four, there is also a rumour circulating that Lindsay Lohan will play the new housemaid after Lohan was spotted at an acting class doing lines from her past role in The Parent Trap, possibly in an attempt to brush up on her British accent. Lohan, though, has yet to be spotted on Downton filming location.

cloudfront.net

Expressions

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blueA POEM ON POPULAR CLI-CHéS IN POETRY AND MUSIC INVOLVING THE COLOUR BLUEBy roseMAry richingsExprESSionS SECtion Editor

Conversationinvolving colour blue:not another cry of pain!The sky is blue and so are you when you put your emotions on display.

Rain is blue,my eyes are bluesuch a colorof endless clichés.

Some say it’s sensitivitya desirable color I supposebut poetry and musicmade its reputation bad.

Some people call it favouritefor it’s calming effect

but no more words for this color of sadness and woe.

insTaGram THE APP THAT TURNS ANY PERSON INTO A ‘PRO’By chloe duMAsAlStAFF WritEr oF ExprESSionS

Suddenly we’re all photographers;Capturing pictures of selfies, food, landscapes;Scaling and cropping the pictureinto a square;Choosing a filterNormal or Sierra or Inkwell;Thinking of a caption“Dinner With The Girlies!”Adding hashtags#bffs #girlsnightout;And when we’re satisfied,click “Share”.Now our photos can be seenby our followers who will “Like” or “Comment”cause suddenly, we’re all photographers.

worDs ThaT enD in “Tion”by KArolinA bEdnArEK Contributor

Institution, constitution,give me some evolutionaryintoxication,motivation,reasons for discriminationabbreviate and desecrate,show me what it means to hate.

Silhouette of your regretsscream until you get upset,don’t ever let yourself forget.

Contamination, of this corruption,vandalize, criminalizeeducate, situate,sweat drips in resignationdeviate from the normhere’s to calm before the storm

feel inspired to conspire,sing the songs that you admire,ridicule old satire.

Try to replicateduplicate,fabricate,your dedication,complicationjust to be commemorated,babe we’re all premeditated.

When you’re gone I bet they’ll all forget,the things you said and who you met,you’ll get that chance to clean your debt

time flies before you realize.

professional CommuniCaTion anD personal narraTiveBy Jennifer siPos-sMith CourSE dirECtor, proFESSionAl CommuniCAtion And dirECtor, CEntrE For ACAdEmiC Writing Support

When students perceive a safe, supportive place for their authentic selves, their learning accelerates. These personal narratives were produced by students in SOSC 4505 6.0 Professional Communication and Field Experience/ Communication professionnelle et expérience pratique. In this course, students study a diverse range of professional communication theory and skill, and in the first term, learn to assess the effectiveness of written prose and apply the editorial changes necessary to improve it by producing five personal narratives: three in their first language and two in their second language.

Students draw their content from their own direct experience and observation and use informal language and style that is appropriate to their subjects. They receive only incident-based instruction from me for example: write about something you observed or experienced in a family relationship. They collaborate in small editing groups and master editing techniques that value writing economy, detail, directness and voice. Students learn to value expression, to give shape and meaning to their own words and to experience language as possibility. These students report positive changes not just in their writing, but in changes that extend beyond the material presented in the course such as increased self-knowledge and confidence.

The pedagogy comes in part from Guy Allen and from Roger Garrison before him: I see students making connections- between inner world and outer world, between self and other, between past and present- without interpretive direction; the teacher creates an environment where the student can make meaning or discover for themselves (Allen). I use Garrison’s theory to reshape the traditional professor/student relationship: serving as expert/editor instead of authority/judge. I recommend edits during one-on-one appointments alongside the student’s own editing work and the work of the editing groups, and each narrative undergoes several revisions throughout the term.

In the second term, students generate content for business and professional communication that is purposeful and results-oriented. They engage in audience analysis and consider the medium or channel for message transmission. Their knowledge of expressive writing theory and mastery of practice-based editorial techniques learned through personal narrative writing make them more skilled and confident professional communicators.

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BeGinneRs skate By CorlEnE Ward

I peer out the backseat window. Dad rolls around the recreation centre parking lot.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get there,” he soothes.

Dad navigates into a spot at the end of the row and turns off the engine. I grab my skates and helmet, throw open the door, and slide off the seat.

“Clunk.” The automatic locks click into place. I bound towards the front door.

“Hold on! Wait for me kiddo,” shouts Dad.

I hurdle over the first concrete step and climb the rest in twos. Dad fumbles his way to the top.

“Ok…we’re here,” he huffs.

We cut through the lobby, round the corner, and halt in front of a large, wood panelled desk. “Registration Desk” adorns the front.

“Excuse me,” Dad pants, “But can you tell me where they’re holding the CanSkate program?”

An elderly woman tilts her head from behind a computer monitor and squints over the top of her thick framed glasses. She presses her lips together, furrows her brow, and shifts in her seat. Her arm raises, and a ringed finger points left.

"Follow the hall down that way. The ice rink is the third door on your right hand side,” she drones.

“Thanks!” we chime.

Dad and I race to the ice rink entrance. He pulls the handle, takes my hand and leads me inside. The odor of sweat and wet fabric assaults my nose. I zip my jacket up, exhale, and watch my breath rise in front of my face. Most of the other kids cram in front of the gate. Dad guides me to the nearest bench.

“Let’s get these skates on, kid.”

Dad yanks my sneakers off. He holds my right skate steady as I slip my foot in. He tugs on the ends of my laces, criss-crosses them around the hooks, and ties them around my ankles. He plops my helmet on and snaps the clasp on the chin strap.

“All beginner skaters aged nine and ten are over here with me,” calls a middle aged woman. She stands mid-ice, her neon orange vest unzipped. A matching whistle swings from her neck. The ends of her short brown hair poke out from under a black toque.

“Intermediate, nine to eleven, we’re gathering over to my left, next to the purple sign on the sideboard,” adds her colleague. Bushy brows and heavy moustache dominate his face.

Other instructors follow suit. The ice marshals throw open the gate and the eager skaters cheer.

“You ready?” Dad asks.

I jump up and my legs wobble. Dad grabs my arm and helps me balance.

“I can barely walk in these things. How am I going to get out there?” I whine.

“Well you’re going to have to start somewhere, Corlene.”

Dad grasps my hand and inches towards the rink. I tip-toe at his side. On the other side of the door, a teenaged boy, also in a vest, reaches out. The sticker on his chest reads Evan.

“Come on, I won’t let you fall,” promises Evan.

monday moRninG By saGal diriE

Monday morning 6h45, Shawn with bare back slowly hinges and snooze the alarm.

«Oh! Another day! » Said Shawn.

« I have dance classes tonight so I arrive home late.» I answer.

I froze and look at the ceiling, try to go back to sleep.

« Ok. » He confirms.

On his back, his stay in the bed with closed eyes.

« Get up! » I yell to Shawn.

« Yeah! » He murmurs.

« Why do always wait until the last minute before leaving to get ready. » I ask.

He gets up after ten minutes of dancing in the bed. He heads to the washroom. The alarm bell rings. The sound has a strange ring with a nature sounds. I hear the wave. I sense the water waves come through my window. I listen to birds and strong breeze.

« Shh, shh, shh… » The phone rings.

Waves and louder waves is all I hear in my dreams. Stronger and stronger the waves overwhelm me. I heed a worn ship sound.

« Pan pan pan, Pann Pann Pann, PANNN, PANNN, PANNN, PANNN… » Rings the alarm. This ship worn get’s higher at every hunk. The higher it get the more it makes me angry. In the washroom, I listen. Shawn showers. I give up. I decide get up and dismiss his alarm before I lose it.

« Why do I always have to turn off this alarm? » I mumble to myself, no I scream from the bedroom. «Coming! » He yells from the restroom. Shawn gets out and leaves the light on.

« I already dismissed. » I bawl.

« Thanks babe! » He declares.

I latch onto Evans’s arm and he pushes off, whisking us towards centre ice. He places me next to a girl clad in a puffy blue snow suit. She ungloves her hand and swirls a finger in her runny nostril. To my left, boy fidgets with the faceguard on his helmet. Two other girls with sandy hair and blue eyes hold hands and whisper into each other’s ears.

“There you go,” encourages Evan.

He uncurls my fingers and smiles. Evan coasts back to the side boards. I teeter on my blades, twisting around to face the bleachers. Dad grins and waves from the second row.

“Hi, my name is Margaret. I’ll be your instructor.” Margaret addresses the small group.

We sway and waddle closer. Evan circles back and hands Margaret a clipboard. She surveys the attached paper and pulls a pen from her jacket pocket.

“Please respond by saying ‘here’ when I say your name. Mallory Able,” calls Margaret.

“Here,” sniffs Mallory, finger now free of her nose.

“Brandon Davies.”

“Here!” Brandon cries. He wiggles around on the spot.

“Savannah…”

“Hi!” responds one of the blonds. She flashes a grin, a front tooth missing.

“…and Serena Van Dyk,” finishes Margaret.

“Here,” mumbles Serena.

“Corlene Ward.”

“He..here,” I stammer.

Margaret ticks off my name on her list, and then sets the clipboard in a basket full of pylons.

“Before you can learn to skate, you need to know how to stand steady,” Margaret proclaims.

She demonstrates. She sets her feet in a wide stance, shifts forward, and bends her knees. We arc and squat. Margaret skates around us.

“Don’t stoop quite so low Mallory…Serena! Bend your knees, not your back. Good, Brandon,” she coaches.

The kids get still.

“Great. Now we can work on moving. Start by marching in place and holding your palms out, face down.” Margaret instructs.

I lift my left foot, then my right, my arms flapping around in front of my face. Margaret slides over and pats my shoulder.

“No, just hold your arms out straight. That’s it. Okay everyone, if you can do that without wobbling, lean forward bend one knee and give a tiny push forward with your other leg. Just like this. If you think you’re going to fall, bend both knees and sit on your bum.”

I shift my weight onto my left leg, and shove off with my right. I drift forward a few feet and lilt. I stoop down and my bottom connects with the ice.

“Alright, kiddo!” Dad champions from the stands.

He looks for a shirt in the draw with a flashlight. He reminds me of an old man with low vision or a kid having fun with his new toy.

« What’s up with the flash light? » I require with a fun ton.

« I can’t see. » He answers.

« Open your eyes. » I chuckle.

Then he open’s a second draw for socks. He mixes everything before finding a pair that match. As he walked toward the closet, Shawn stubble’s on the laundry bag and shoots.

«Why is this there? »

« I don’t know. » I mumble.

« I‘m sleeping Shawn. » I scream.

I ignore him. He grabs his sweater, his jeans and leaves the room. He heads toward the living room. He turns the TV on. Shawn puts on CP24 for the traffic and weather update. I notice the news man.

« Boom, boom, boom…»

The stamping is getting close the bedroom. Shawn shoes stamps in the house. He gets back to the room pick up his phone, his kindle and leaves to the living room again. He puts his jacket. He turns the TV off and gets his key.

«Boom, boom, boom… »

Shawn returns back to the room. He heads toward the bed. He crawls slightly on the bed.

«Have a good day love. » Shawn whispers in my left ear.

« You too love. » I answer back with a kiss.

He leaves with a laugh. I smile. I get back to sleep. Kids shout in a playground, my alarm starts to chime. I grab it and dismiss at once. I lay my head down on my soft pillow. I gaze at the window.

« It’s time for me to wake up. » I realize.

Rush By Ella GalpErn

The recess bell rings. Tova pokes my shoulder with a pencil.

“You're it!” She exclaims and runs out. She nudges a desk askance. I hurry after her and skip around that desk. I run out of my our room into the brightly lit rectangular atrium. Smaller kids rush from the Grade one classrooms on my left, and larger grades threes to my right. The small library in the far right corner remains the only room with a clear doorway. I swivel to one direction after another and end up at the far hallway.

“Tova!” I call out. I look up at the taller fourth to sixth graders here and dash back to the now clear atrium. I look in the three possible directions that kids could have ran to and shrug.

I look at the large expanse of floor ahead. It shines and reflects the sun roof and all the doorways around me. I press against the floor with one foot and slide slowly with the other. I clasp my hands behind my back, like an ice skater. I repeat the motions faster. I slide from one wall to the other. I grin. I push against walls and hurtle across the rectangular atrium. I feel the standing air as wind against me. The floor reflects my feet, like sleek ice. I slip. I flail my arms and ram into a wall.

I open my eyes next to my grade 2 classroom. I struggle to lift my limbs. I drag my feet across the floor away from my class. Spots of colour twinkle across my darkened vision. I reach the wooden frame of a door and lean against it. I look around and shuffle to the centre of the atrium. I pause and sway. I blink a few times and turn again toward a wall.

"Do you need help?" A woman asks to my right. She's taller than me. I squint at her shirt. It's colours change from purple to green. She puts her hands around my shoulders and guides me in another direction. When we reach the main office I sink onto a bench and close my eyes. I wake on a gurney in an ambulance.

Two days later, I sit at my desk, next to Tova's, second row from the back. I squint at the blackboard. I crane my neck. I stretch forward over my desk. I huff and plop back on my chair. I look to my right and copy the notes from Tova's page.

A week later, I receive my first pair of glasses from my parents.

CRème GlaCée par amEEna Hussain

Je récupère mon diner et marche vers mes amies qui sont assis dans la cafeteria de l'orphelinat. « Je crois qu'il y a homme qui est venu aujourd'hui pour adopter en enfant » énonce Marie en mangeant son salade. « Oh...vraiment? Sais-tu quel âge il veut que l'enfant soit? » Je demande en essayant de cacher mon enthousiasme. « Ouais, il veut un adolescent » profère Adrianne. Je souris sans le sachant. "J'espère qu'il choisit un ado entre nous" j'exprime, en soupirant. Je me lève pour aller jeter mon assiette dans la poubelle. En marchant, je vois un homme qui est assis avec ses jambes croisés qui lit un journal dans la salle d'entrée de l'orphelinat. « Est-ce lui? » Je me demande en lui observant. Sa face est jonchée par le journal. Je me penche du droit à gauche pour tenter de lui voir. Il place le journal sur la table proche de lui. Je vois sa face et je souris. Il a des yeux verts, des cheveux bruns et des lèvres roses. Il porte des jeans et un manteau noir en cuire qui est bouffant. Je lui regarde en étant debout à la même place pour quelques minutes. Il hausse sa tête et me voit. Je me déplace aussi vite que possible en prétendant que je ne lui zieutais pas. « Zut. Zut. Zut. Zut» je répète. Je tourne ma tête pour voir s'il me fixe encore ou non. Il comble et signe sa main. Je veux sourire mais je suis incapable car je ne peux même sentir mon corps. Il se décampe de sa chaise et s’avance vers moi. Il marche humblement. Il se baisse sur ces genoux. « Bonjour! Comment vas-tu? C'est quoi ton nom? » Il me pose. « Ca...ça...va bien, et vous? A-a-Anne » j’hésite. « Bien aussi. Ça fait plaisir de te rencontrer! Mon nom est Marc » « Oh, moi aussi. Pourquoi êtes-vous ici? » « Ca fait quelques années que je veux adopter un enfant, mais j'ai finalement eu le courage de venir chercher un » « Quel âge est-ce que vous voulez que l'enfant soit? » « Ça ne m'importe pas, mais la chambre que j'ai décorée dans ma maison est pour une fille adolescente » Ma face rougit et mes yeux ouvert. Il rit à ma réaction. « Aimerais-tu m'avoir comme un parent? J'avais une femme et trois enfants, mais ils ont été tue dans un accident. Je promets de prendre soins de toi » "Mes condoléances pour votre perte...oui bien sûr monsieur" « J'aimerais que tu sois ma fille. Je vais aller parler avec quelques personnes dans le bureau pour leur demander si nous pouvons aller manger de la crème glacée. Aimerais-tu ça? » «Merci, j'aimerais ça! » Il sourit en se levant et précède vers le bureau. Il se tourne et me voit debout encore à la même place. Il rit. « Est-ce que c'est la réalité? Est-ce que j'aurais vraiment un papa? » Je pense. Mes amies cours vers moi. « Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Qu'est-ce qu'il a dit? Est-ce que tu vas avec lui? » Elles me demandent. « Il est parti voir si on peut aller manger de la crème glacée" je chuchote. Elles sautent et crient. Les autres enfants nous regardent. Marc reviens avec la directrice de l'orphelinat. « On peut y aller! Es-tu prête?" Demande Marc. « Oui bien sûr! Allons-y » j’acquiesce. Nous allons vers la sortie. Je regarde derrière moi et vois que mes amies sont entrain de sourire et signant leurs mains. « J'espère qu'un jour ils auront des parents aussi » « Je l'espère aussi, ne t'inquiète pas, quelqu'un viendra leur chercher" réconforte Marc, agissant déjà comme mon père.

untitled By saraH ByrnEs

We all crowd into the living room. Grandma perches in her red armchair, Aunt Katie overlooks from the rocking chair next to her. Mom snags the chintz sofa in the corner and me, Amy, Emmy, Michelle and Jessica, the grandkids, sprawl across the carpet as we have for the last 20 years. Work, travel and school keep my guy cousins away from Grandma’s house this Easter are here so it’s no surprise when the conversation turns to boys. “So… who are you all dating? What’s been going on?” Asks Aunt Katie.

My cheeks blush and I whip my head down to hide it.

Jessica gushes: “Me and Jeff are amazing as always. It’s so great that he’s my fiancé. I love that word: fiancé.”

She outstretches her arm and flaunts her ring.

“Oh Jessica, I’m just so happy you found your perfect man!” Grandma exclaims.

I swallow hard.

Michelle passes her camera around, showing us pictures of her daughter and her boyfriend.

“I can’t believe she’s about to finish kindergarten! Kevin’s been so great, helping her with her spelling.” She boasts.

Amy is next.

“Me and Ryan are still together. He told me he loves me.” Her eyelashes flutter.

Awwws cut the air.

“Emmy? Any excitement at school?”

I see her chest swell and smile grow but I tune out her answer. I’m next.

“Sara? Any boys for you?” Aunt Katie asks.

I gulp. My palms drip sweat. Mom catches my eye from across the room and grins. She knows what the rest of the room doesn’t, but even she can’t imagine what I feel right now. I wince as I think about what to say.

“He’s a she.” I think to myself. The words aren’t ready to come out. I’m not ready to come out.

“Oh, you know, no boys as usual” I manage.

I laugh it off. Inside my heart retches. Shame creeps up on me. Not shame for who I am but shame for hiding it; after all I’m out at school, I have been for a year. I have a second thought but the moment passes. Maybe next time.

Conversation dies down and we move to the kitchen to set the table, sit down and eat. After the meal, my cousins and I finish the dishes and move up the street to Jessica and Michelle’s cottage. We ease onto the couches and chairs. Mouth dry, I know it’s time to speak up. I let everyone ramble on a bit while I allow my courage to build. I know it’s now or never.

“So you know how I said I didn’t have any boys in my life…” I creak out.

All eyes are on me.

“Well, that’s because I don’t like boys. I like girls.”

I exhale. Relief and apprehension flood out from my lungs. Coming out will always be a part of my life but it will never be a comfortable experience. Time crawls. I look up and take in the reaction. To my relief, I see smiles. I also see some surprise, but since I don’t ‘look the part’ it’s not an unforeseen response.

Jessica speaks first:

“Good for you!” I can’t help but laugh a little. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this reply. To me it’s absurd but I know it comes from not wanting to say the wrong thing. And she’s right; it’s not the wrong thing to say. A rush of calm come over me. I smile.

“That’s awesome! How long have you known?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Have you ever gone to the drag shows on Church St?”

Michelle, my confidant since last summer gets up and hugs me.

“I’m proud of you.”