preventing & managing girl bullying and friendship dramas surviving girlhood
TRANSCRIPT
Preventing & Managing Girl Bullying and Friendship Dramas
Surviving
Girlhood
Aims & Objectives • To define bullying, and understand how female and male
bullying may differ• To explore Relational Aggression and understanding girl
relationships• To define and explore the Drama Cycle as a conduit for peer
pressure • To explore needs, beliefs, and values as foundations for
behaviour • To explore the five key themes of Surviving Girlhood to build
girl awareness and understanding• To explore and practice the Surviving Girlhood activities and
resources
Introducing Surviving Girlhood
About Full Circle
What We Do
What We Do
Why Girls? Why Bullying?
Why Girls? Why Bullying?• Half of all births in the developing world are to adolescent
girls• 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in
negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.
• Teen girls that have a negative view of themselves are 4 times more likely to take part in activities with boys that they've ended up regretting later.
• 7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.
• The UK has one of the highest rates of self-harm in Europe, at 400 per 100,000 population (Clinical Medicine, 2002), and studies estimate as many as 10% of the population may have self-harmed in the past or may injure themselves on a regular basis
• Girls were 15 times more likely than boys to contact ChildLine about self-harm
• 1 in 10 children and young people aged 5 - 16 suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder - that is around three children in every class
• Bullying is symptomatic of wider problems
Why Girls? Why Bullying?
Meet Sophie….
Pressures
Conflicting Messages
Physical & Hormonal Changes
Unmet Needs
Understanding Bullying “Bullying is generally considered to be deliberate, hurtful behavior, repeated over a period of time, where a sense of powerlessness can make it difficult for the victim to defend
him or herself. Bullying can occur in three main ways: physical, verbal or indirect.”
• Physical (e.g. hitting, kicking, theft) • Verbal (e.g. name calling, racist remarks)
• Indirect (e.g. spreading rumors, excluding someone) • Cyber Bullying (e.g. bullying by text message, email, online)
Girl Bullying • There is not much difference in the reported level of
bullying by girls or boys, but the tactics they use are often different
• Girls are more likely to utilise relational and emotional tactics, such as spreading rumours, giving dirty looks, ostracising someone, etc., than attacking physically
• Growing rise in both boys and girls using technology to bully - cyber bullying
• Often, incidents of girl bullying can go under the radar, unnoticed by adults as it appears to be girls “falling out” or dismissed as friendship issues
The Escalation Model
ConfrontExclusions
Escalate it furtherAgencies Involved
Adult ResponseLevel of Behaviour
Low Level Behaviour
Hitting; gossip; friendship issues
Disruptive Behaviour
Continual disruption; physical violence;
relationship breakdown
IntenseBehaviour
Deflect / IgnoreIneffective Response
Pay it ‘lip service’Adults contributing to the
problem
Avoid / InconsistentIgnore the behaviour
MinimiseDismiss as a ‘one off’
HIGH
The Bullying Cycle
The Surviving Girlhood Background & Ethos
• Aimed at reducing girl bullying by preventing and responding to the friendship issues that escalate to cause bullying
• An “inside-out” ethos – starting with a girl’s inner development
• Building girls self awareness, self respect and relationship with herself, to enable better relationships with others
• Not an overt focus on bullying
Stopping Bullying Promoting
Positive Relationships
Focus on tackling bullying, punishing
bullies and encouraging victims
to speak out
Focus on creating a positive relationship with self & others; creating an atmosphere of respect & safety
Relational Aggression• Relational aggression is behaviour that is intended to harm
someone by damaging or manipulating his or her relationships with others (Crick and Grotpeter, 1995).
• Two distinctions of relational aggression include proactive and reactive relational aggression:
• Proactive behaviours are a means for achieving a goal (e.g. may need to exclude someone to maintain your own social status) Example: A girl is mad at another girl for being “more popular” so she spreads a sexual rumour about her to ruin her reputation.
• Reactive relational aggression is a defensive response to provocation with intent to retaliate. Example: A child is being teased repeatedly in school and then becomes a teaser himself for protection.
What does RA look like?• Direct Control (i.e. “You can’t be my friend unless…”)• Social Alienation (i.e. giving peers the silent
treatment)• Rejection (i.e. telling rumors or lies about a peer so
that others in the group will reject him or her)• Social Exclusion (i.e. excluding a peer from play or a
social group) (Crick, Casas, & Nelson, as cited in Yoon, et al., 2004, p. 304)
• Negative Body Language or Facial Expressions (Simmons, 2002, p. 21)
Why do girls engage in RA?• Power is found in relationships – popularity, having a
wide social circle (in real life or online), having a romantic relationship - linked to status
• Girls can lack the skills to sort out problems in a positive manner using language
• Socialised to act feminine, not be aggressive or fight physically, and not to engage in open conflict/confrontation
• Relationally aggressive acts go under the radar of adults (Simmons, 2002)
The Drama Triangle
Victim(Blameless)
Rescuer(Acceptance )
DramaTriangle
Persecutor(Power)
The persecutor exerts their power over others physically or emotionally and may feel locked in this position, for fear of losing control or appearing vulnerable and a victim themselves.
The victim may have a “poor me” attitude with a perception of themselves and their actions as without fault or blame. They may take little responsibility in resolving conflict. The rescuer may
continually be the physical and emotional supporter of the victim; a role which can become a burden or lead to accepting the full weight of responsibility for the victim and a sense of martyrdom.
Inconsistent friendships in
girl group; girls constantly
making and breaking friends
Leads to prolonged relationally aggressive behaviour, girl group dramas and pervasive
bullying
Leads to learnt behaviour and
consistently inauthentic
relationships & lack of social connections
Leads to insecure, inauthentic and
harmful romantic relationships (individuals)
Creates a culture of disrespect,
disharmony, conflict and disconnection
(collective – school/community
level)
Consequences of Relationship Dramas
Girl Group Roles• Queen Bee• Banker• Floater• Sidekick • Messenger• Wannabe• Target
Girl Relationships • As girls reach adolescence, huge changes in their
physical, emotional and social being take place • Girls become more self-conscious during adolescence -
the safety of a group is paramount• Girls’ brains are ‘hard-wired’ to care about one-on-one
relationships while the brains of boys are more attuned to group dynamics and competition with other boys.
• At a time of great personal change and upheaval, being singled out to be ‘different’ is a danger. The friendship group represent safety
Boys…• Have a greater need for physical activity
• Fight physically, not verbally, and then it’s over - anger manifests physically; better able to argue or fight it out and then move on – girls hold a grudge
• Forge friendships around interests rather than emotional connection
• Have feelings, too
Function of Aggression in Girls• Gain a reputation for toughness
• Power!
• Social identify and status
• Boyfriends are ‘emotional possessions’ – issues of ownership and control
• Refuge – protection from abuse , male to female violence
• Gang - sense of belonging, family, safety
Theme 1: Being Me• Theme 1 builds girls’ understanding of themselves
• Explores needs, beliefs, and values
• Linking needs and beliefs as drivers for behaviour
• Exploring whether our behaviour is in contrast to our values – does this create internal conflict?
• Building a better relationship with ourselves helps us to build better relationships with others
Meeting Needs • Everything we do is a way for us to meet a need we have –
whether we’re conscious of it or not• Physical, emotional, social needs are greater in adolescence • Friendships are a place for us to meet our needs, particularly if
our key relationships are not stable or don’t provide us with what we need
• When our intrinsic needs are not met, we may seek to meet them in any way possible e.g. the need for attention being displayed as unruly and disruptive behaviour in the classroom
• Unmet needs lead to girl bullying and friendship issues• Looking to one person to meet a high proportion of our
needs is risky – e.g. a best friend
Meeting Our Needs
Low Self Esteem
Negative Outcome (Feelings, Behaviour, Actions of Others)
Seeking to Meet Needs
Unresource-fully
Unmet Needs
ThoughtsUnbalanced,
Pessimistic, Critical
FeelingsAnger, Fear,
Distrust, Anxiety
BehaviourDestructive,
Avoidant, Inappropriate
ThoughtsBalanced, Optimistic, Aware of Alternatives
FeelingsHappy, Calm,
Relaxed, At Ease
BehaviourAppropriate,
Measured, Constructive
Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviour
Needs–Beliefs-Values• Our needs can drive our beliefs, which in turn create
our values• Our beliefs are wide-ranging, not just “I believe in
something”, rather, our beliefs are often unconscious thoughts we hold true about every aspect our ourselves, our lives, the world around us
• Our beliefs create our perceptions – how we see the world
• Beliefs form values: what we see is important. We can experience problems when our actions conflict with our values.
Who is your ‘Sophie’?• Discuss your own ‘Sophie’ with a partner• What needs may she have that could be
going unmet? What needs does she seek to meet in negative or unresourceful ways?
• What is her belief system?• What values have her key role models
instilled in her? What’s important to her?
The ‘OK Corral’
“I’m OK; You’re OK” “I’m OK; You’re not OK”
“I’m not OK; You’re OK” “I’m not OK; You’re not OK”
The ‘OK Corral’
“I’m OK; You’re OK”Secure attachments
High self esteemHigh sociability
Trusting and accepting of othersPositive self imageOptimistic outlook
“I’m OK; You’re not OK”Anxious attachments
Fearful; angry; boastfulExaggerated self image
Inability to relate to othersLow trust in others
“Dangerous world” and defensive mentalityHigher sociability
“I’m not OK; You’re OK”Dismissive attachments
Low self esteemLow confidence & sociability
Poor self imageVictim mentality
Negative self perception; exaggerated positive perception of others
“I’m not OK; You’re not OK”Fearful attachments
Low self esteemLow sociability
Victim – persecutor mentality (cycles of being both)Negative perception of self and world
Pessimistic outlook
The Interconnectedness of Relationships
The Language of Conflict Resolution
Providing girls with the language to resolve conflict
• ‘I’ statements• Expressing feelings• Understanding needs• RESTORATIVE APPROACHES
Best Practice
Prevention Reporting and Recording
Intervention and Support
Monitoring
Creating the Right EthosSet the tone in the school; communicate expectations; rule with authority and dominance or favor collaboration and connection. This is communicated to staff and parents.
Principal, Senior Staff
All other staff;
parents
Pupils
Cascade down the mindset and attitudes of senior staff and head teacher. Poor leadership from above becomes poor teaching and poor relationships with pupils. Parents support the school, or not, creating harmony or discord
Consciously and unconsciously act upon the attitudes of adults; poor leadership translates into poor behavior. A lack of pride, hope or belief from above translates into poor attendance, behavior and academic results.
Prevention • Ensure that policy reflects practice, and vice-versa• Train staff to notice and respond to girl bullying and relationship
issues• Discuss friendship, conflict, and relational aggression tactics
when exploring other forms of bullying (remember the escalation model!)
• Model positive behaviour• The Four C’s:
– Consistent– Co-ordinated– Cohesive– Communicated
1. Speak to each individual separately, including bystanders– What happened?– What did you see? What happened next?– Who was responsible?
2. Create a written record; share with other staff as needed3. Create a plan of action
– Validate the stories and ensure the allegations are true– Enforce consequences for breaking the rules– Inform parents (if necessary)
4. Plan of action for the victim – what do they want to see happen next? (e.g. mediation, move to a different class)
5. Monitor situation
.
Intervention and SupportA step-by-step approach
Contact UsFull Circle Education Solutions
www.myfullcircle.org
@FullCircle1
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