8/9/2019 Pressure Point by William Lee - Draft 3 Notes

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TO: BillFRM: DickRE: PP ScriptDATE: July 12, 1999

Here are my notes to the 5/29/99 Draft:

SCENE COMMENT/REWRITE

1 thru 15 Refer to original draft for bank robbery sequence (ie Tracy is not drivingthe tow truck); Griffin family is setting off after spending the night at alakeside campground strengthen family conflict scenes (I have suggdialogue/scene)

17 Rewrite dialogue and shorten scene ending w/ the motor home stalling

18 Trace is already dead (elim clinic etc) and the Sheriff does stays at thescene rather than leaves, establish is emotional frame of mind

22 Levy is a State Trooper (has he heard of the robbery?)

23 Add continuation of scene in front of bank where Flowers and the Sherifftalk to the other cops (State Troopers have arrived) but WITHOLD theinfo about a cop being down until Sc 29

25 Add to this scene that Jed, using his cell phone, tries to call AAA notingthat we see him put the card back in his pocket

30 ADD TENSION here, where Rudy (use his name from now on) havingheard the roadblocks are being set up, takes advantage of the Griffin

familys problem. Use the police radio in the b/g to extend the suspense(the audience knows, but the Griffins dont)

38 TENSION OPP Eric suggested that there was a mirror on the insidedoor of the bathroom allowing Jed to see Rudy and Shane inside, but noone else Flowers ALMOST sees but is distracted as written by herwalkie (its close as is just change the bit about the mirror)

42 Add the bit about the search dogs here (earlier than as written) andcombine w/ the finding of the AAA card (rather than the sketch artist)

44 TENSION OPP Eric had an idea that in this scene Rudy would require

Shane to help him apply a bandage (we can talk about this, but this is acritical scene for establishing the TERROR the Griffins are facing)

45B ADD SCENE here we will show the police storming the Griffins homeand finding nothing (they tracked the address down w/ the AAA card)

47,48 Mavis/Mulva sequence this needs to be condensed and made tohappen faster also we need to be careful that this doesnt get too

8/9/2019 Pressure Point by William Lee - Draft 3 Notes

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comedic and make us lose the sense of suspense and tension weretrying to maintain

54 Make sure the info in this scene does not repeat the earlier scene b/wBingham and the other officers perhaps we dont need this

57,58 Shane and Hayley wait for Rudy, see another car pass. Firstly, theb/w the boy and his mother needs strengthening (I have some ideas here)and secondly I find it hard to believe that Hayley would hide when theother car goes by we need to rethink this bit and make it appear morelike Hayley tries valiantly to get help from the car driver, but for somereason he wont or doesnt stop (ie create a near miss)

64 Stover garage sequence: first, we need to establish earlier that Jed hasseen the sign for the place so he can find it later. Second, lets rethinkthe Tiffany in the bathroom bit, make it more suspenseful (do we want tointro Jed here, or leave it as is?)

71-91 Lets consider the way it is in # 3, when Stover returns from a call andfinds Jed in the office they duke it out just as a customer appears andgets caught in the frey. Jed somehow gets the keys to the customers carand takes off, leading to

Jed being pursued by the Sheriff until his car runs out of gas, then on foothe arrives at a riverbank, makes the choice and floats downstream. Here,Jed and the Sheriff have dialogue, Jed pleading to make the Sheriffunderstand, and just as the Sheriff appears to be buying the story, Jed isswept away (again, creating a near miss)

97 on The bear pit sequence if we use the preceding sequence, here we need

a bit of air to give us a break. Suggest further scene(s) between Rudyand Hayley and the kids showing the terror hes creating. Also, youllrecall that I felt we got to Kingmans compound too earlier, and since thebear pit leads to that, we need to create some additional scenes here(think the Fugitive) where Jed again has a near miss, almost (one lasttime) being able to get his family out of trouble.

Its important to remember what Jeds motivations are here: (a) save hisfamily; (b) prove his innocence. All his actions should reflect thesepriorities.

By getting later to the compound, and in effect, delaying the last act of the

movie (assuming a 3 act structure), we have a better ending. As is ittakes a long time to play out, and although interesting, too long in thetooth. Better short and more punchy. So, we need to fill out Act II byscenes w/ Sheriff and Dana (maybe explore something here) but mainlythe family. Jed crunching thru the forest is not drama, as we discussed.

Take a look at this and lets talk tomorrow AM early.