prescott 05 26 final
DESCRIPTION
Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc. Check us out at : www.tntdynamitesigns.com VOL. 5 Accepting New Patients Sedation Dentistry Issue 26 613-925-3784 www.chartwellreit.ca Al Stuart 2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON. Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride a bike and drive a car New Air con diti onin Now they need you to help them make the right decision Johnstown, On Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer 613-925-3147 Su mmerTRANSCRIPT
5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!
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Custom windows that are a perfect t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!
900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874
Al Stuart2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON.
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www.stuartheating.com
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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Jon: 613 342 [email protected]
Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com
McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer
613-925-5560
Great Summer PricesOn New Fishing
Boats & Pontoons
VOL.
5
Issu
e 26 Prescott
Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca
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sTeve & sons pluMBing, heaTing & WaTeR seRviCes
Change In WillThe patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “since we are
the best of friends, i would not want to insult you by offering payment. But i would like for you to know that i had mentioned you in my will.”
“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “May i see that prescription i just gave you? i’d like to make a little change…”
New Bossa business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how
things are going. he goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, “son, how much do you make a day?”
The guy replies, “150 dollars.”The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out
and never come back.a few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner, “have you seen
the ups driver?? i asked him to wait here for me!”
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Joke
Star Wars Funnies
All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder. ~ Author UnknownAt commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombre-ros. ~ Paul FreundAn investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. ~ Author un-known, commonly attributed to Benjamin FranklinThe roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle
Father: “i hear you skipped school to play football.” son: “no i didn’t, and i have the fish to prove it !”
"Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars "• never trust men in dark helmets.• it really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.• When all else fails....jump! • if you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. • always check the background of people you want to get intimately
involved with, they may be your relatives. • you may have family members in surprisingly high
positions. • Before you kill someone make sure they aren’t
your father. • know the difference between power socket and a
computer terminal. • no matter how tasty that hunk of meat looks on that
pole on that forest moon, don’t grab it; it’s probably a trap. (or: when you see a piece of dead meat impaled on a stake in the woods, leave iT!!!!!!!!!)
Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON
613-345-1909
HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?
Email the [email protected]
BESTPRICEALWAYS
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BonLen Place o�ers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment.
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Book your Special Party with us!Birthday-Anniversary-Retirement-Stag & Doe!
Call us today for details!
There is always something happening at Boomers Sports Bar!
Watch your favourite team on our big screens! - Play Pool or
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The Road to Success
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Music Notes
Your True Colors
Roles And How We Play ThemWhenever i’m disappointed with my spot in my life, i stop and think
about little Jamie scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. his mother told me that he’d set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.
on the day the parts were awarded, i went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. “guess what Mom,” he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: “i’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.”
• Bob dylan’s first professional performance was as opening act for John lee hooker at gerde’s Folk City in new york, 1961.
• Before they were known as Journey, steve perry called his band golden gate Rhythm section.
• kenneth edmonds was nicknamed Babyface by funk guitarist Bootsy Collins.
• The world’s largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Cen-tre, new york, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the guinness Book of World Records.
• in august 1983, peter stewart of Birmingham, uk set a world record by disco dancing for 408 hours.
very few people possess true artistic ability. it is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. if you have a burn-ing, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat some-thing sweet and the feeling will pass.
~ Fran lebowitz
Saved By The Bellengland is old and small and the local folks started running out of places
to bury people. so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone-house” and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. so they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to lis-ten for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer.”
pick up Mcguffy’s news every week!!
at over 85 locations inprescott/Cardinal/spencerville/Johnstown & Maitland
The F.B.I.
Silly Quote
Question & Answer
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)
The phone rings at FBi headquarters.“hello? i’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. he is hiding mari-
juana inside his firewood!”“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, FBi agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the
shed where the firewood is kept. using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house. “hey, Clifford, did the FBi come?”
“yep.”“did they chop your firewood?”“yep.”“great, now it’s your turn to call. i need my garden plowed.”
Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? a: Because there were so many knights!
Q: What was Camelot? a: a place where people parked their camels!
Q: how did Columbus’s men sleep on their ships? a: With their eyes shut!
Q: Where was the declaration of independence signed? a: at the bottom!
Q &
a
Senior’s Discounts
Free
Estimates
New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]
HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5299
Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service
Summer Special!Save 25% OFF
We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!
SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS
Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays
Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Sam’s June & July Line-Up:
June 29
Full Circle
July 6 The Journey Men
July 7 Red Line (3-7)
July 13 Blues Highway
July 20 Gypsy Moon
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in McGu�y’s News!
+ HST00
Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)
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Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured
Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable
1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]
DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT
Single vision eyewearlenses & frames $129.00
or1 year supply $199.00Acuve advance plus
(free trial fitting included) CRO
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Interesting Facts
The TelemarketerWe telemarketers know we’re universally loathed. still, some people are
quite pleasant on the phone. one day i called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.
i thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “good morning, highland view Cemetery.”
Motocross
Across2. strive to win5. earth7. Thrilling8. soft wet earth9. Competing11. Collision
14. large Crash15. Tip over bike16. a set race path
Down1. velocity3. 2 wheeled vehicles
4. large number of people5. expose to injury6. leap10. doing something12. Fail to start13. extreme
1. every day, between 12,000 and 14,000 tons of solid waste are disposed at the Fresh kills landfill in staten island, new york.
2. The average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.3. as much as six percent of the world’s population may experience sleep
paralysis, the inability to move and speak for several minutes after awakening.
4. Tide has 70 percent of the market share for detergent.5. Forty percent of the american population has never visited a dentist.
Heartachei Believe... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
Ever Wonder?if a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Examine Your Heart
Bizarre Laws
Brain Teaser
Marveling At The Moonlaika, a stray dog trained and chosen by the Russians for the expedi-
tion, became the first living being to go into space. he also became the first death. he died from overheating a few hours after the launch.
ham the Chimp was the first living american being that traveled into space. he was also called astrochimp. on January 31, 1961, ham was se-cured in a project Mercury capsule. he had been trained to perform tasks while in the capsule, and he did everything he was asked to do. his flight lasted 16 minutes and 39 seconds. The capsule then splashed down in the atlantic ocean.
The Puzzle: in front of you are several long fuses. you know they burn for exactly one
hour after you light them at one end. The entire fuse does not necessarily burn at a constant speed. For example, it might take five minutes to burn through half the fuse and fifty-five minutes to burn the other half.
With your lighter and using these fuses, how can you measure exactly three-quarters of an hour of time? The Solution . . .
Fold one fuse and put another fuse next to it, light all three ends. When the fuse with both ends lit goes out, immediately light the other end of the lit fuse and light a new fuse. When the second fuse goes out you will have three-quarters of an hour left burning on the third fuse.
in new york, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifi-cally prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” a second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
Qui
ck
Rid
dle
how do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese!!
Man: My doctor has advised me to give up golf.
Friend: Why? did he examine your heart?
Man: no, he had a look at my score card.
Funny Signs
In A Hair Salon Window ...
Wanted - hair-cutter.
Excellent growth potential.
Birth Order Makes A DifferenceThe Layette:1st baby: you pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-
coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: you check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
McGuffy’sDesigned Ads
Produce For You!
613-342-0428Call for details.
This double size adis available foryour business!
WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists
613 - 658 - 204810 Spencer St, Spencerville, ON
We Service
What We Sell!
Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws
CheckOut
Our Summer
Specials!
Brush & Edge Trimmers
We sharpen Chainsaw & Mower Blades
Look To Us For All Your Outdoor Needs!
Yard Boss
109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734
“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts
ByChris
- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant
HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com
Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com
Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology
“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
Denture Specialist
Auto Parts
King Edward Auto Parts LTD
Ralph MurphyOwner
476 King ST West Prescott, ON613 - 925 - 1000 (Fax) 613-925-1002
Lawn & Garden Battery#4UL1
$19.95(after mail-in rebate*) exchange
Special o�er!
Starting at$59.95 exchange
Carquest Marine Starting Batteries(#24M4BAT)
Starting at$89.95 exchange
Carquest Marine Deep-Cycle Batteries(#DC24BAT)
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario
Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...
Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)
613.803.0100 / 613.340.9942 / [email protected] / [email protected]
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jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
C - Way Services
Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915
www.cwaylimo.comBrockville • Ontario • Canada
Call Jonfor details.
(613) 342-0428
Advertise Your Spa Specialties.
Weddings & AnniversariesProms & GraduationsBirths & Baby ShowersBirthdays & House Parties
Party Sense "Be Di�erent! - WOW THEM WITH BALLOONS!"
Marj Kemp�er Certified Balloon Artist
[email protected] www.decoratewithballoons.com
Receptions & PromotionsGet Well Wishes
Bon VoyageCorporate Parties & Events
613-340-8781
Also delete 613-657-1764 (tel) and also the word (cell)
Silly Quotes
People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don’t hear often: “and we wish you godspeed.” it is a warning, godspeed. it means you are no longer welcome here at these prices. ~ Bill Cosby
A Fresh Perspective
John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques-tion®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountabil-
ity’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, usa 303-286-9900
Redefining "Victim"as a salesperson, trainer, speaker, and author since 1986, i know how easy it is to complicate a message. i've done it. i also know, as i'm sure you do, that when it comes to "free speech" and a democratic system, it can get messy. opinions, theories, ideas, and "political positions" can become confused, twisted and self-serving. We have media that will do just about anything to pull in one more viewer, set of eyeballs, or long-term subscriber. But, let's give the media the benefit of the doubt by admitting truth: it's our human nature that makes us want to turn to watch the "car crash of human life" that's within our sight. in other words, we are both fascinated by and feel compassion for ... The victim. But now it's time to unwind and uncomplicate this whole "i'm a victim!" mantra that has crept insidiously, dangerously, and destructively into our society. here we go: * if i am mugged on the street, i am a victim. if my employer reduces my benefits, i am not a victim. * if a tornado knocks my house down, i am a victim. if someone makes more money than i do, i am not a victim * if the nearby river rises and my home now sits under water, i am a victim. if my bank charges aTM fees, i am not a victim. * if a thief steals my 60" flat screen, i am a victim. if i cannot afford a 60" flat screen but my neighbor can, i am not a victim. * if "the plague" strikes my family, i am a victim. if my employer won't pay for my continuing education, i am not a victim. * if a [3]Black Mamba escapes from the zoo and enters my home, biting me on the ankle and i am sick for months—i am a victim!!! But, if i am a new college grad with large school loans—i am not a victim. To be blunt, there isn't much in life that justifies me throwing a pity party for one. What is justified is working hard to eradicate this "everybody's a victim" mentality that abounds, because when i play victim i serve no one. not even myself. The cure for victim thinking is simple: [4]personal ac-countability. Just ask QBQs such as, "What can i do to contribute?" "how can i be my best today?" and "What can i do to own my decisions?" These powerful questions will move me forward. and when i move forward, i stay out of the unproductive and wasteful trap of victim thinking. ps: after i eliminate my own victim-itis, it's time to help youth do the same. here's the tool, now ready for purchase!:
Good Question
Silent Company
sudoku solution Crossword solution
Celebrity Quotes
Statistics
Qui
ck
Quo
te Don’t live down to expectations. go out there and do something remarkable. ~ Wendy Wasserstein
Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. ~ Miss Piggy
My Dear Pet
i cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. i am very sorry about this. do not think i will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
i’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. ~ age 24
is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
yes, if you stand back to back.
Statistics of Heart Attack (Source : Heart & Stroke Foundation)
1. 1 in 4 Canadians will contract some form of heart disease 75,000 Canadians suffer heart attacks each year
2. heart disease costs the Canadian economy approximately $19 bil-lion every year in medical services, hospitalization expenses, loss of income and loss of productivity
3. The rate of death among patients hospitalized for heart attacks has been decreased by half, from 16 per cent to 8 per cent
4. 1 in 2 heart attack victims are under the age of 65
WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists
613 - 658 - 204810 Spencer St, Spencerville, ON
We Service
What We Sell!
Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws
CheckOut
Our Summer
Specials!
Brush & Edge Trimmers
We sharpen Chainsaw & Mower Blades
Look To Us For All Your Outdoor Needs!
Yard Boss
109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734
“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts
ByChris
- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant
HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com
Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com
Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology
“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
Denture Specialist
Auto Parts
King Edward Auto Parts LTD
Ralph MurphyOwner
476 King ST West Prescott, ON613 - 925 - 1000 (Fax) 613-925-1002
Lawn & Garden Battery#4UL1
$19.95(after mail-in rebate*) exchange
Special o�er!
Starting at$59.95 exchange
Carquest Marine Starting Batteries(#24M4BAT)
Starting at$89.95 exchange
Carquest Marine Deep-Cycle Batteries(#DC24BAT)
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario
Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...
Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)
613.803.0100 / 613.340.9942 / [email protected] / [email protected]
~ FIND US ON FACEBOOK ~
Put Your Info
HERE!
Advertisein McGu�y’s
Great Results!613 342 0428
jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
C - Way Services
Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915
www.cwaylimo.comBrockville • Ontario • Canada
Call Jonfor details.
(613) 342-0428
Advertise Your Spa Specialties.
Weddings & AnniversariesProms & GraduationsBirths & Baby ShowersBirthdays & House Parties
Party Sense "Be Di�erent! - WOW THEM WITH BALLOONS!"
Marj Kemp�er Certified Balloon Artist
[email protected] www.decoratewithballoons.com
Receptions & PromotionsGet Well Wishes
Bon VoyageCorporate Parties & Events
613-340-8781
Also delete 613-657-1764 (tel) and also the word (cell)
Silly Quotes
People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don’t hear often: “and we wish you godspeed.” it is a warning, godspeed. it means you are no longer welcome here at these prices. ~ Bill Cosby
A Fresh Perspective
John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques-tion®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountabil-
ity’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, usa 303-286-9900
Redefining "Victim"as a salesperson, trainer, speaker, and author since 1986, i know how easy it is to complicate a message. i've done it. i also know, as i'm sure you do, that when it comes to "free speech" and a democratic system, it can get messy. opinions, theories, ideas, and "political positions" can become confused, twisted and self-serving. We have media that will do just about anything to pull in one more viewer, set of eyeballs, or long-term subscriber. But, let's give the media the benefit of the doubt by admitting truth: it's our human nature that makes us want to turn to watch the "car crash of human life" that's within our sight. in other words, we are both fascinated by and feel compassion for ... The victim. But now it's time to unwind and uncomplicate this whole "i'm a victim!" mantra that has crept insidiously, dangerously, and destructively into our society. here we go: * if i am mugged on the street, i am a victim. if my employer reduces my benefits, i am not a victim. * if a tornado knocks my house down, i am a victim. if someone makes more money than i do, i am not a victim * if the nearby river rises and my home now sits under water, i am a victim. if my bank charges aTM fees, i am not a victim. * if a thief steals my 60" flat screen, i am a victim. if i cannot afford a 60" flat screen but my neighbor can, i am not a victim. * if "the plague" strikes my family, i am a victim. if my employer won't pay for my continuing education, i am not a victim. * if a [3]Black Mamba escapes from the zoo and enters my home, biting me on the ankle and i am sick for months—i am a victim!!! But, if i am a new college grad with large school loans—i am not a victim. To be blunt, there isn't much in life that justifies me throwing a pity party for one. What is justified is working hard to eradicate this "everybody's a victim" mentality that abounds, because when i play victim i serve no one. not even myself. The cure for victim thinking is simple: [4]personal ac-countability. Just ask QBQs such as, "What can i do to contribute?" "how can i be my best today?" and "What can i do to own my decisions?" These powerful questions will move me forward. and when i move forward, i stay out of the unproductive and wasteful trap of victim thinking. ps: after i eliminate my own victim-itis, it's time to help youth do the same. here's the tool, now ready for purchase!:
Good Question
Silent Company
sudoku solution Crossword solution
Celebrity Quotes
Statistics
Qui
ck
Quo
te Don’t live down to expectations. go out there and do something remarkable. ~ Wendy Wasserstein
Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. ~ Miss Piggy
My Dear Pet
i cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. i am very sorry about this. do not think i will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
i’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. ~ age 24
is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
yes, if you stand back to back.
Statistics of Heart Attack (Source : Heart & Stroke Foundation)
1. 1 in 4 Canadians will contract some form of heart disease 75,000 Canadians suffer heart attacks each year
2. heart disease costs the Canadian economy approximately $19 bil-lion every year in medical services, hospitalization expenses, loss of income and loss of productivity
3. The rate of death among patients hospitalized for heart attacks has been decreased by half, from 16 per cent to 8 per cent
4. 1 in 2 heart attack victims are under the age of 65
Senior’s Discounts
Free
Estimates
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Interesting Facts
The TelemarketerWe telemarketers know we’re universally loathed. still, some people are
quite pleasant on the phone. one day i called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.
i thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “good morning, highland view Cemetery.”
Motocross
Across2. strive to win5. earth7. Thrilling8. soft wet earth9. Competing11. Collision
14. large Crash15. Tip over bike16. a set race path
Down1. velocity3. 2 wheeled vehicles
4. large number of people5. expose to injury6. leap10. doing something12. Fail to start13. extreme
1. every day, between 12,000 and 14,000 tons of solid waste are disposed at the Fresh kills landfill in staten island, new york.
2. The average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.3. as much as six percent of the world’s population may experience sleep
paralysis, the inability to move and speak for several minutes after awakening.
4. Tide has 70 percent of the market share for detergent.5. Forty percent of the american population has never visited a dentist.
Heartachei Believe... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
Ever Wonder?if a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Examine Your Heart
Bizarre Laws
Brain Teaser
Marveling At The Moonlaika, a stray dog trained and chosen by the Russians for the expedi-
tion, became the first living being to go into space. he also became the first death. he died from overheating a few hours after the launch.
ham the Chimp was the first living american being that traveled into space. he was also called astrochimp. on January 31, 1961, ham was se-cured in a project Mercury capsule. he had been trained to perform tasks while in the capsule, and he did everything he was asked to do. his flight lasted 16 minutes and 39 seconds. The capsule then splashed down in the atlantic ocean.
The Puzzle: in front of you are several long fuses. you know they burn for exactly one
hour after you light them at one end. The entire fuse does not necessarily burn at a constant speed. For example, it might take five minutes to burn through half the fuse and fifty-five minutes to burn the other half.
With your lighter and using these fuses, how can you measure exactly three-quarters of an hour of time? The Solution . . .
Fold one fuse and put another fuse next to it, light all three ends. When the fuse with both ends lit goes out, immediately light the other end of the lit fuse and light a new fuse. When the second fuse goes out you will have three-quarters of an hour left burning on the third fuse.
in new york, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifi-cally prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” a second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
Qui
ck
Rid
dle
how do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese!!
Man: My doctor has advised me to give up golf.
Friend: Why? did he examine your heart?
Man: no, he had a look at my score card.
Funny Signs
In A Hair Salon Window ...
Wanted - hair-cutter.
Excellent growth potential.
Birth Order Makes A DifferenceThe Layette:1st baby: you pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-
coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: you check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
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Music Notes
Your True Colors
Roles And How We Play ThemWhenever i’m disappointed with my spot in my life, i stop and think
about little Jamie scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. his mother told me that he’d set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.
on the day the parts were awarded, i went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. “guess what Mom,” he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: “i’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.”
• Bob dylan’s first professional performance was as opening act for John lee hooker at gerde’s Folk City in new york, 1961.
• Before they were known as Journey, steve perry called his band golden gate Rhythm section.
• kenneth edmonds was nicknamed Babyface by funk guitarist Bootsy Collins.
• The world’s largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Cen-tre, new york, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the guinness Book of World Records.
• in august 1983, peter stewart of Birmingham, uk set a world record by disco dancing for 408 hours.
very few people possess true artistic ability. it is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. if you have a burn-ing, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat some-thing sweet and the feeling will pass.
~ Fran lebowitz
Saved By The Bellengland is old and small and the local folks started running out of places
to bury people. so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone-house” and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. so they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to lis-ten for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer.”
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The F.B.I.
Silly Quote
Question & Answer
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)
The phone rings at FBi headquarters.“hello? i’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. he is hiding mari-
juana inside his firewood!”“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, FBi agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the
shed where the firewood is kept. using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house. “hey, Clifford, did the FBi come?”
“yep.”“did they chop your firewood?”“yep.”“great, now it’s your turn to call. i need my garden plowed.”
Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? a: Because there were so many knights!
Q: What was Camelot? a: a place where people parked their camels!
Q: how did Columbus’s men sleep on their ships? a: With their eyes shut!
Q: Where was the declaration of independence signed? a: at the bottom!
Q &
a
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Change In WillThe patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “since we are
the best of friends, i would not want to insult you by offering payment. But i would like for you to know that i had mentioned you in my will.”
“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “May i see that prescription i just gave you? i’d like to make a little change…”
New Bossa business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how
things are going. he goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, “son, how much do you make a day?”
The guy replies, “150 dollars.”The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out
and never come back.a few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner, “have you seen
the ups driver?? i asked him to wait here for me!”
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Joke
Star Wars Funnies
All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder. ~ Author UnknownAt commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombre-ros. ~ Paul FreundAn investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. ~ Author un-known, commonly attributed to Benjamin FranklinThe roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle
Father: “i hear you skipped school to play football.” son: “no i didn’t, and i have the fish to prove it !”
"Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars "• never trust men in dark helmets.• it really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.• When all else fails....jump! • if you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. • always check the background of people you want to get intimately
involved with, they may be your relatives. • you may have family members in surprisingly high
positions. • Before you kill someone make sure they aren’t
your father. • know the difference between power socket and a
computer terminal. • no matter how tasty that hunk of meat looks on that
pole on that forest moon, don’t grab it; it’s probably a trap. (or: when you see a piece of dead meat impaled on a stake in the woods, leave iT!!!!!!!!!)