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THE BULLETIN June 2011

Political problems, creative responsesIn his text De Bello Gallico, Julius Caesar called the Belgae the bravest of all Gauls. So what he would make of the

current response to the country’s political crisis? Where other nations might have organised strikes and street

protests, Belgians seem content to view the crisis as a source of satire and a good excuse for a party. Veerle Devos

picks some of her favourite creative responses to the government crisis

1. Belgium = Brussels Political artist Patrick Marchal has a novel solution to the political crisis: “I suggest we donate Belgium to Europe as its capital, and we call it Brussels. Let’s extend Brussels to Belgium!” Marchal, who is the product of a Flemish father and a Walloon mother, was based in New York when he designed his pastiche of the Michelin map (which includes the Bibendum mascot peeing like the Manneken Pis). “This map shows the solution for all our problems. When Belgium becomes ‘Brussels, capital of Europe’ the linguistic frontier disappears and all citizens have the right to use their own language whilst English becomes the lingua franca. In this big European capital there would be a Flemish town, a Walloon neighbourhood, a Little Morocco and a Little Turkey. Knokke le Zoute would be our Coney Island, Charleroi our Bronx, Antwerp our international seaport, the High Fens our Central Park. People living in remote places like Eupen could jump on the underground to have mussels in Ostend. Utopian and naive? Maybe. But at least I’m looking into the future, unlike to our politicians, who only look into their rearview mirrors and come up with parochial solutions.”Carte Michemin, Brussels Capital of Europe, is for sale in all good Brussels bookshops. www.patrickmarchal.com

2. Beards for BelgiumOne of the country’s best known actors, Benoît Poelvoorde, has asked his fellow citizens not to shave until the country forms a government. “Let’s keep our beards until Belgium rises again!” he said on Belgian television. One of his followers is the Flemish radio host Koen Fillet. When asked if he wasn’t afraid to end up with a very long beard like the American Gary Weddle, who swore on 9/11 that he would not shave until Osama Bin Laden was caught, he laughs: “I’m sure it’s only a matter of days, if not hours, before we have a stable, harmonious and vigorous government that will reunite all Belgians.” In response to this male enterprise, senator Marleen Temmerman urged women to go on a sex strike. Her argument is that it made a big difference during the Peloponnesian War, and more recently in Kenya, where it only took a one-week sex ban to convince male politicians to form a government.

3 No government no cryThe artist Kendell Geers was so inspired by Belgium’s political paralysis that he wrote a manifesto which now forms the basis of the exhibition No Government No Cry. “If war be the domain of political leadership, then its social antithesis must be revolution,” says the Brussels-based South African, who also believes that individuals can affect massive change. So why after almost a year of no government does Belgium remain calm? “In the land of luxury, no one dares to rock the boat for fear of getting wet. Belgium is a country without much struggle and as a result a great deal is taken for granted. Revolution here seems impossible.” For No Government No Cry, Geers invited other artists, writers, curators, friends and guests to contribute their thoughts on his manifesto.‘No Government No Cry’ is showing at CIAP in Hasselt until June 26. www.ciap.be

4 No government? No money!“If a product doesn’t satisfy you, you ask for your money back,” say the organisers of Camping 16. “So let’s ask politicians to give back their salary earnings if they don’t come up with a government within 100 days. Belgian citizens want value for money!” To make themselves perfectly clear, they called for a sit-in at 16 Rue de la Loi, the official residence of the caretaker Belgian Prime Minister Yves Leterme. Over 160,000 people pitched their virtual tents outside the Leterme residence on the Camping 16 website and 160 people turned up for the real-life camp-out on Saturday, April 30. www.camping16.be

5 We are the championsThey might not have the stomach for protests, but when it comes to drinking and partying, Belgians are world class. So it should come as little surprise that the festivities marking Belgium’s new world record for not having a government (249 days) were very well attended. Thousands of people, some dressed only in their underwear, turned up at the celebrations in Ghent on February 17. The celebrations also featured a delegation from Iraq, the previous no-government record holder, handing the challenge cup over to victorious Belgium. Ghent city council laughed in its sleeve, of course, happy with this priceless publicity stunt which put the ‘rebel city’ on the world map once again.www.gentonafhankelijk.orglerecorddumonde.be

THE NO GOVERNMENT ISSUE

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Political problems, creative responses6 ShameBelgian Minister of Justice Stefaan De Clerck (CD&V) has been treading very carefully ever since his youngest son Felix and his friends started shouting from the rooftops about the failure of Belgian politicians to form a government. Their SHAME protest march brought 39,000 protesters onto the streets of Brussels and into the headlines of the international media. Recently, Felix came up with The Stockholm Group – “the Belgians started to love the ones who hold them hostage politically” – and organised a sit-in at the headquarters of N-VA and PS. Now everybody’s waiting for Felix to turn up the temperature on daddy’s CD&V party, which also played its part in this shameful political spectacle.www.230111.be

7 Rattachement au Congo Laurent d’Ursel and his fellow artists have a more radical solution in mind: “We suggest that Belgium become a province of Congo. During the time of colonialism it was the other way around, so our scenario is perfectly possible. Our historic debt would be redeemed. Moreover, the Flemings and the Walloons would instantly breed some solidarity, since they would both face the challenge of learning new languages like Swahili and Lingala. All current tensions would disappear because of this attachment to Congo. As for the Congolese, they would instantly become Europeans, and Kinshasa would become the capital of Europe.”www.manifestement.be

8 Pray, play & sing for Belgium What to do when all else fails? Pray! “We’re looking for thousands of people who want to pray for the spiritual condition of our country, for a change, an awakening,” say the organisers who are planning a mass pray-in in all Belgian cities on June 12. What else can you do when all else fails? Play! On June 23 you can perform the role of one of Belgium’s prominent politicians and experience what it’s like to be Bart De Wever or Elio Di Rupo. The event is modelled on role-playing exercises called ‘systemic constellations’, used by coaches to enable people to deal with personal blockages. All actors in Belgium’s current political soap opera will be placed in a constellation and their underlying motivations and relations will be examined. Anyone who shows up can take part. And perhaps cut the Gordian knot? To facilitate this role-play, you might wear a T-shirt supplied by Brussels collective Plan C. The T-shirts are emblazoned with the names of various government positions, like ‘mediator’, ‘informateur’ and ‘preformateur’. Take your pick. And what’s the final thing to do when all else fails? Sing! On May 15, Brussels activist Nizar Ujayli assembled a massive group of people at Place du Jeu de Balles. They sang the national anthem in French, Dutch and German, all dressed in red, black and yellow. www.pray4belgium.bewww.yourcoach.bewww.plan-c.be

9 And now for something seriousFor those who feel the need to go deeply into the subject, on June 9, Re-Bel will organise a public event which focuses on the question of whether Flanders and Wallonia really sit at polar opposites of the political spectrum and if so, why. It will also ask whether the obligation to vote should be abolished. “Re-Bel aims to rethink in depth, in an open, rigorous, non-partisan way, what the institutions of the Belgian federal state – or of whatever else this part of the world needs to become – can and must look like in the longer term.” www.rethinkingbelgium.eu

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