What does this represent for you?

AngerWin/lose attitudeMaintain fixed positionsViolence (physical,verbal or emotional)AccusationsBlame

You’re an...

You need to...

You.......!

Why don’t you....

You’re always....

If you … I wouldn’t be

in this situation!

Empathetic listening Win/win attitude

Consider needs of both parties Understanding another point of

viewProblem solving approach

Looking at the optionsUsing “I” statements

Ways of Dealing with Conflict Destructive Constructive

Anger Empathetic listening Win/lose attitude Win/win attitude Maintain fixed positions Consider needs of both parties Violence Understanding another point of view Blame Problem solving approach

Accusations Looking at the options “You” statements “I” Statements COSTS BENEFITS

ConflictCosts: (Destructive) Benefits: (Constructive)

Damages relationships Enhances relationships

Physical, emotional and Creates an environment formental damage self-growth and achievement

Prevents individual and Enables individual and groupgroup goals being achieved achievement of goals

Wastes time and money Enables peaceful resolution of problems

Damages self esteem Enhances self esteemLimits personal potential Fosters the development of

personal potential

Messages - Examples

worth.

CONFLICTAny situation in which your concerns or desires differ from those of another person i.e. a disagreement between two or more people.

Conflict is neither good nor bad.It is a normal part of life.Conflict happens when your NEEDS are different from the NEEDS of somebody else.

VIOLENCEWhen you force yourself over another person and cause harm to get your way.A violent act can be physical, verbal or emotional.Violence is NOT THE SAME as conflict.Violence is a negative way of dealing with conflict

Active Listening Exercise

Pairs – Decide who A and B are in the pairA = Storyteller B = Active listenerA = Tell story about something good that has

happened to you lately or a problem you haveB = Listen to A’s story then reflect back in your own

words what happened and how A was feeling.

Change roles … A = Active Listener B = StorytellerRepeat process.

The Key to Effective Communication

Remembering that communication is:

60% Body Language30% Tone of Voice

10% Words

Building RapportAuditoryMatch voice speed, volume, tone,and word choice

VisualMatch gestures and posture

“God gave us two ears and only one mouth

so we couldlisten twice as much

as we speak”

Find out from your partner:

How they handle conflict at home …

Pair Share:

Responses to Conflict(Approach Options)

The choices you have when facing a conflict or problem with someone.

(Adapted from The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument - TKI)

TurtleDenial, avoid, withdrawal, lose/lose situation

“I’ll think about it tomorrow”

• Stop talking, punish with silence

• Walking away – letting people ‘cool down’

• Allowing others ownership

• Can become resentful

Teddy BearSuppression, accommodating, lose/win situation

“It would be my pleasure”

• Act as though nothing is the matter

• Peace keepers – like to preserve harmony and peacefulness

• Often say “yes” to preserve the relationship – creating goodwill

• Stay cheerful, but refuse to talk about the problem - retreating

• Often cross with yourself afterwards (suppressed feelings of anger and frustration)

SharkAssertive, power, in control, aggressive, win/lose situation

“My way or the highway"

• Taking quick action

• Challenging - standing up for vital issues

• Refusing to take NO for an answer

• Shouting them down

• Protecting yourself

• Laying down the law (making unpopular decisions)

FoxCompromising, negotiating, win some/lose some situation

“Let’s make a deal”

• Do what’s fair

• I’ll give if you give – trade off

• “Split the difference” to keep a friendship

• Gain something for yourself

• Creating temporary solutions

OwlCollaborative, co-operative, working with, problem solving, win/win situation

“Two heads are better than one”

• I want to win and I want you to win too

• I will state my feelings and needs and listen to yours too

• Ability to listen, understand and empathise

• Brainstorming ideas together to seek mutually acceptable solutions

• Non-threatening communication

What is your tendency???

Turtle – Denial, avoid, withdrawal, silent treatment, lose-lose, “I’ll think about it tomorrow”

Teddy Bear - Suppression, accommodating, lose win, “It would be my pleasure”

Shark – Aggressive, power and control, win-lose, “My way or the highway”

Fox – Compromising, trade-off, win some – lose some, “Let’s make a deal”

Owl – Co-operative problem solving – win-win “Two heads are better than one”

Influencing Factors…

Who the conflict is with What the conflict is about When the conflict occurs Where the conflict happens

OWLS in ACTION …Mediation – a constructive choice to help resolve conflict

The Cool Schools Peer Mediation Programme Training DVDs

Primary/Intermediate/Secondary