(Lady Amethyst)

By D.S. Fitzgerald

To Her:

Whose Mere Existence Is Blessing Enough.

I

‘Fore waters glistening purest white stood I, Alone, in darkest night ‘neath starry sky, In quiet contemplation of my time to die, Thinking deeply on my reasons why. T’ward regret, t’ward loss, t’ward deepest woe, Did all my feeble energies go. Like waves, still my feelings both ebb and flow, Yet my angels shrink and my demons grow. There on that beach, upon its shifting sands, I felt all my sorrow in my two hands And longed to see the face of Elysian lands, Having tired so of this Life’s demands.

So plan did I to plunge beneath the waves, To test whether Neptune’s nectar truly saves, And if I could escape Woe unscathed Through fleeing into a wat’ry grave. Eyes closed, fist clenched, I stepp’d t’ward water’s face Determined to douse the light of my flame at this place. Steely resolve, once I loathed to embrace Now clings like a specter I cannot erase. Tepid step, then giant leap, began my journey down the Steep, Weary body craving uneasy sleep As darkness and uncertainty sweep The brokenhearted straight to the deep.

As I fell, I began again to dream, Pondering life before baptism in the stream. O How lack of love destroys self esteem! And how love unreturned fails to redeem! A Montague repelled by Capulet, Shackled now to the Stone of Regret, Who worshipped at the feet of Beauty yet Has been thrown by anguish from its parapet. No lovelorn conspiracy for suicide, But singularly did I decide To seek my salvation below the tide, A star crossed lover sans star crossed bride.

And with that I sink under my Past’s weight, Down t’ward the Kraken’s mighty jaws of Fate. Eyes blurred, lungs weak, I realized too late That indeed Fate be fickle, and Love, I hate. The Swan did not set out to harm at all, But simply answered the furtive call Of a wayward man about to fall Prey to the winds and rains of his Love’s Squall. Held by Heartstrings through the current of Styx, Pierced by the arrows of Life’s conflicts, Yet redeemed by powers no man predicts, Sight through a prism, Lady Amethyst.

II

Herodotus, what deviltry be this? I fled the land of the living for a kiss From the Shade of the bride of Orpheus Yet my lips are still moist with this Life’s mist! Where is the lovely sting of Death I crave That from the throes of loneliness will save A forgotten man and further stave The loveless Winter’s of a slave? Without this respite, what recourse is left With heart torn asunder and love bereft! How can I even be denied by Death When she is the Lover of all with Breath!

Am I so despised and worthy of abuse, And Fate so intolerably obtuse, That mercy can’t be granted, pain not pulled loose, And salvation not be giv’n in the guise of a noose? I wish no malice toward other men Only the death of the loveless times when I have endured bitter kiss from departed friend, But the Infernal Heavens prevent my end! Is there some sin for which I cannot atone, Are there laws against not wishing to be alone? Are there omissions that these gods bemoan That make even my end too much to condone?

If there are, then what indulgence must I pay For breaking the laws I failed to obey? Or is it Jove’s will I suffer where I lay, And my torment to dream of Her each day? Does it pleasure Olympus to plague me? Have I not bent enough to their slavery? Must I again venture, blindly, bravely, Toward pursuits that will impact me gravely? My blood is as cold as this water’s chill, Loveless, lifeless, and yet breathing still, Denied by Death, awaiting time to reveal The true antidote to this poison pill.

Let Jove bellow cackles upon his throne! Pray my ears never hear their dreadful drone! But to e’ery ear in the cosmos let this be known, May the gods be damn’d for the malice they have shown! The Swan did not set out to harm at all, But simply answered the furtive call Of a wayward man about to fall Prey to the winds and rains of his Love’s Squall. Held by Heartstrings through the current of Styx, Pierced by the arrows of Life’s conflicts, Yet redeemed by powers no man predicts, Sight through a prism, Lady Amethyst.

III Alas, dear heart, Hope is the cruelest thing! Life is an unjust country ruled by an unjust King, Who finds pleasure in the tortured song men sing! What further malady can my Life bring? I have dared to love, but seen through its façade, Another foul trick bequeathed by foul god, And now I shall float ‘neath the soil I once trod, Victim of Life and its chastening rod! Hark, a strange glow now rises from the deep! Has the mighty Kraken been stirred from his sleep? Does even anguish have a limit to which it must keep? Will I be free of the things that make me weep?

Come Leviathan, bring your sweet release, If not joy, then at least bring me sweet peace. Ravaged by Love, then ravaged by a Beast, Tarnished by Life so Life now must cease. But, alas, there was no beast with scaly tail, No thrashing teeth and no howling wail. Only silence behind the lighted veil As a figure arose from hollow shell. From yon figure, came forth a lovely hymn, Which spoke to me through the waters dim. Tender melodies uttered by seraphim, Sweet entreaties sung by cherubim.

A Queen parted the folds of the Abyss, And before me stood Lady Amethyst. Does even a fairer creature exist, Has Heaven a lovelier star than this? There are neither stars as bright nor as bold As this Queen my eyes were blessed to behold. Why was I allowed to see these things unfold, Being dismiss’d by Heav’n and thrown to the Cold? If no stars were brighter, perhaps too no slayer! Could this be the rapier that sends me to my maker? As she advanced, there was naught to do but await her, She, beautiful villain, I , naysayer.

Steeling myself against a forceful blow, I closed my eyes and let myself go, Hoping to open them next where all Shades go, Loveless today becoming loveless tomorrow. The Swan did not set out to harm at all, But simply answered the furtive call Of a wayward man about to fall Prey to the winds and rains of his Love’s Squall. Held by Heartstrings through the current of Styx, Pierced by the arrows of Life’s conflicts, Yet redeemed by powers no man predicts, Sight through a prism, Lady Amethyst.

IV Oh, Beautiful Villain, pray do your worst! Lift from my battered brow this unjust curse. I have wandered too long without love the first. It is for the waters of Lethe that I thirst. What is your purpose? Is it harm or relief? Will you give comfort or are you a thief? Will I remember you always or is this a brief Drop in a growing sea full of pain and grief? Have I rushed to judgment expecting wrong And failed to the listen to the words of her song? Was she a messiah all along, Saving men in the midst of damned throng?

Then dance of light fingers blessed palm of my hand, Blind man then guided from unhappy land. Poor mind allowed now to understand That though gods be above us, they still have a plan. She played on my heartstrings her symphony, My tears her crescendo, heartbeats tympany. Her beautiful anthem set my mind free, The force of her octave was epiphany. Pulled through the waves, I grasp fast her wrist, Praying for thanks and Lady Amethyst. Thankful that I now dwelt in her midst, Once willing to die, I wish now Life to persist.

The Swan did not set out to harm at all, But simply answered the furtive call Of a wayward man about to fall Prey to the winds and rains of his Love’s Squall. Held by Heartstrings through the current of Styx, Pierced by the arrows of Life’s conflicts, Yet redeemed by powers no man predicts, Sight through a prism, Lady Amethyst. So you will be Helen that sets my Heart to war, For whom I will pen great tales of lore. I will die in your service, of this I am sure, To be resurrected each time to live once more.