If something can go wrong will go wrong

Edward Murphy

MX981

Anything that can go wrong, will at the worst possible moment.

Smile because tomorrow will only be worse

When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings

Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final. Corollary: If you bring extra batteries, they will be defective In your toughest final, the most distractingly attractive student in class will sit next to you for the first time.

The other line moves faster

No one is as ugly as their passport photo

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Never argue with a fool people might not know the difference

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing

Effort X Time = Constant. Given a large initial time to do something, the initial effort will be small. As Time goes to zero, Effort goes to infinity. Corollary : If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done

Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn't doing well The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.