4 5| www.gorgeousmag.com.my | www.gorgeousmag.com.my

the lifestyle

The Confidence Mind Trick

4 | www.gorgeousmag.com.my

You don’t need to attend self-improvement seminars or read a tonne of books to boost your self-esteem. All you need is this special little trick in your arsenal. By SHANTINI SUNTHARAJAH

In Empire Strikes Back, the third installment of the original Star Wars trilogy, Luke Skywalker had to brave a hideous swamp, absorb the secrets of the Force, master mind-boggling combat techniques, and deal with Yoda’s weird conversation style to get a handle on the Jedi Mind Trick. It was supposed to help him control other people’s minds so he could influence and persuade them.

Fortunately, learning the Confidence Mind Trick does not involve little green creatures with pointy ears or treacherous terrain. Unlike Luke, you won’t end up with mind-control powers over everyone else but you’ll certainly achieve a far more significant objective: You’ll attain better command of your own thoughts and greatly boost your self-confidence.

However, before you learn this special trick, you need to remove some limiting beliefs that stand in your way.

Quit Being a Good GirlFirstly, understand that your confidence is deeply connected to your thoughts and opinions about yourself. Feeling confident means feeling sure of who you are and what you want before going out to get it. This isn’t easy to do because women are taught to put others’ needs ahead of their own.

Often, strong confident women are assumed to be cold-hearted and mean. In their book Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It, Dr. Lois P. Frankel and Carol Frohlinger, JD say, “As women, we’re bombarded throughout our lives with messages that try to convince us that being 'nice' is more important than getting the things we want. Even if no one has ever said this to you explicitly, we’re guessing you’ve most likely absorbed the message that putting your needs first will land you on the “bi**h list.”

The authors go on to explain that nice girls end up frustrated, miserable, disappointed and angry because they aren’t fulfilling their hopes and dreams. The aim is to be a supportive and loving wife, sister, daughter and mother as well as a confident, happy woman who takes care of herself well and meets her own needs. Frankel and Frohlinger advise, “You must create your own opportunity to move from nice girl to winning woman.”

As we all know, if there’s one common trait among winning women, it’s self-confidence.

Use Your ImaginationNow that you’re aware of the "Good Girl Trap", it’s time to get down to business.

What exactly is the Confidence Mind Trick? Well, it has two parts. The first has to do with becoming aware of your thoughts and using your imagination to get a grip on reality.

Picture a scenario that makes you quiver in your heels. Let’s say you need to give an important presentation at work and you’re terrified. The first thing you need to do is to let your imagination go wild and think about some of the bad things that could happen. Next, tap into your rational self and evaluate the likelihood of that happening.

For instance, you might think that you could be fired for not giving a good presentation but your rational mind knows that that’s highly unlikely. You might imagine everyone laughing and throwing peanuts at you because you made a mistake but you know deep down that that’s also implausible. You’ll soon realise that the real situation is never as bad as the one you imagine.

Sure, there’s a chance that you might forget to present a point or two or your boss might say you need to work on your presentation skills but either scenario isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Once you know that the consequences of doing a so-so job in your imagination is far worse than anything you’re likely to face in the real world, it gets a lot easier to see the task for what it really is: Just a presentation, a date or an interview – not a life-and-death situation.

6 | www.gorgeousmag.com.my6 | www.gorgeousmag.com.my

Psych Yourself UpThe world’s best speakers and performers do this and it’s part two of The Confidence Mind Trick: When you’re feeling nervous or anxious before performing a task, take a few minutes to go over your successes and accomplishments.

You might recall the time you rose up the ranks in your company really, really quickly or how you turned a simple at-home business into a huge success. You could also reach into your past and remember the moment you placed first in a school sports event or won a beauty pageant as a teenager. If you’re thinking, “I haven’t done all that much to be proud of, ” you’re not thinking hard enough. You should list seemingly "ordinary" accomplishments such as your ability to swim like a fish even though you started out terrified of water or how you’re absolutely fantastic at Sudoku.

Now, write your superstar achievements on a piece of paper and carry it around with you. Refer to it when you’re feeling less than stellar or if your nerves are frayed. Remembering and reliving past successes in your mind is a quick and effective way to defeat negative self-talk and pump yourself up for the challenging task ahead.

So, next time you need to wow your boss or notice yourself hiding behind a pillar at a party, use The Confidence Mind Trick. You’ll soon discover that you’ve turned into the self-confident, sexy woman you always knew you were!

Win Small

Lofty goals (become the next Oprah, create a multi-million dollar business) may seem like the only ones worth having but never underestimate the power of small wins. Before you reach your dreams, prepare yourself by overcoming smaller challenges like finding the courage to start a conversation with a stranger or learning how to cook a gourmet meal.

Fake it Till You Make it

Psychologists say physical actions precede emotions so don’t wait to feel confident – act as if you already are. Put your shoulders back, sit up straight or walk tall, and give people you meet a cheery smile and a friendly hello. You’ll be amazed at how physical change can transform your mental state.

Break Through Your Comfort Zone

Step out of your comfort zone as often as possible. There’s no need to jump out of a plane to expand your horizons. Instead, try introducing variety into your life. If you always order the nasi lemak at your favourite mamak, try the mee goreng. If you never wear red, use a pretty bag or wear a scarf in that shade. Little steps like these will do wonders for your ego and your confidence.

"When you’re feeling nervous or anxious before performing a task, take a few

minutes to go over your successes and accomplishments."