1

2

3Photos contributed by Pharan Tanveer

4Editorial Board

Zahra RaoSenior Editor

Ayesha KhurshidSenior Editor

Rana Musa TahirEditor-in-Chief

Usman IbrahimDesign & Illustration

PLUMS Executive CouncilPresident: Hira Qureshi

Vice President: Natasha BarlasGeneral Secretary: Minahil Gillani

Treasurer: Ayesha Tahir

Patron: Bilal Tanweer

5Note from the editorYou know youre doing something right when youre able to squeeze a magazine out of passed deadlines, Natashas are you guys going to come out with a magazine when Ive graduated? and the general LUMS communitys re-fusal to acknowledge the approaching birth of Luminaire. I forgot the positive point I was trying to make here. But jokes apart, we hope to make Luminaire an imperative milestone. In this issue, we have struggled to combine different aspects of LUMS life so the magazine contains a flavor to everyones liking. From the customized cross-word to reading about Enrollment day at LUMS, from the advice column to honest opinions about societies, Lumi-naire contains a shot of LUMS, with creativity on the side. Happy Reading!

6ContentsAdvice Column 7Enrollment at LUMS 910 Problems Every Day Scholar has to Deal With 10The 7 Types of Students 13LUMS Discussion Forum 15The Troubles of an ACF Major 18Diary of a Luminite 20Mandatory Crossword 23Eye of the (Aunt of the) Tiger 24What the Societies really Do 26

7Advice ColumnDear Editors, Being a girl in Pakistan has won me a lot of attention, so you can imagine my surprise when I encountered an instructor who dis-criminates against girls in class. Im speak-ing of an introductory core course. I put up my hand for CP but she fails to recognize me in the face of this blue eyed hunk of an idiot. She has persistently marked the boys higher in all In-Class-Activities. Dont ask me how I know. I fear that if she keeps up with this charade, I will end up with a B in this course. Help?

Girl Power

Dear Girl Power, Sexist as your ideas may be, I agree that no one deserves to be discriminated against. None the less, as we grow up, we are often pushed into such difficult situations. Bosses turn out to be jerks, friends become picky and teachers become unfair. Your best shot would be to go talk to the TA and ask him (Im assuming the bias is carried forward in TA picking as well) if this is typical of the instructor, and if yes how dangerous is it to be carrying around XY chromosomes. Goodluck!

-------------------------------------

Dear Edz, I am in deep trouble. I am a Freshman and

am deeply in love with my O-week coach. Whenever I see her, my heart beat speeds up and I end up sweating like a pig. I want to talk to her but the only words that escape my lips are Salamalaikum. But she doesnt even walaikumaslaam me! She just passes by not making eye contact. My studies, my social life, my sanity is at stake here. What should I do?

Aashiq

Dear Aashiq, First of all, relax. This is a dilemma every other freshmen undergoes. I too caught the cute-Oweek-Coach-fever. The only way I was able to escape it was by interacting with the girls in my batch. They are equally confused about their place in the university and will probably not blow you off as eas-ily. Also, you need to un-friend her. Stop with the obsessive stalking man, not cool. Go out and have a real talk, with a girl who replies back. Good luck!

-------------------------------------

Dearest Editors, I have a very serious problem. My room-mate stares at my while I sleep! Its really freaking me out! I have this strange feeling when I close my eyes and hes just staring at me from the top of his laptop screen when I look at him. Is that unusual? Has anyone

8else complained to you about this before? I dont want to say anything because I have to share a room with him till May. Please help! Sincerely,Weirdly Stalked Dear Weirdly Stalked, Are you kidding me? DO NOT say any-thing! You shouldnt be asking that. Thats Socio 101. Instead try sending subtle hints that his behavior is bothering you. Maybe give him the stink eye next time you find him staring. Since there isnt much time left till May and Im assuming he wont be your roommate next year, try to be cordial. Its best if you let it go and hope that the prob-lem checks out. * wink wink *

-------------------------------------

Dear Editors, I dont know how to say this but I once called my female instructor MOM! I called her Mom! Who does that? And the worse part is, I was about to do it again once! I just put my head down after that and hav-ent spoken in class ever since. I got zero CP in that class. Im pretty sure Ill say it again if I speak. What should I do?

Sincerely,Mommy?

Dear Mommy?, Creating a hypothetical family while away from home can be the result of some very

deep homesickness. How about you call your mom before every class and say Mom as many times possible so you dont say it during class and if you do, merge it with words that sound like mom so its not that obvious. MOMumumumum. Its weird but so is calling your instructor Mom. Cheers.

P.S. Dont make me your sister.

9There couldnt be more panic, excite-ment, and irony than on The Enroll-ment Day. Theres a strange kind of has-sle as is on an event and a type of terror seen around an exam. This festivities start around one or two days before the Judg-ment Day. Roaming around in your own breeze of care-free world, when suddenly, you are brought back to this world by a friend who stops you in front of PDC, ask-ing, Hey, which courses did you opt to take this semester? Whoa! I completely forgot to check the course memo and Final Exam schedule, screams your mind. The next few hours are obviously spent in Lab 1, mak-ing a complete weekly schedule for the se-mester that hasnt even started yet. None-theless, you better get your shopping cart brimming with all the random courses that you might not have heard of before. Done? Hah, not yet. How would I know which in-structor grades how, who gives a 5-minutes margin and who has unannounced quizzes? Friends, seniors and Oh, O-week coach! (hopefully he/she remembers me). They will surely know about these courses. Lets

catch up with them during lunch time in PDC. Bingo!

And then comes the much awaited day; the enrollment day. Since its on first come-first serve basis, you must reserve a computer in one of the Labs hours before. Soon, youll see labs filling to capacity and then exceed-ing that capacity. Then, everyone will sit in the corridors with a laptop in their lap, logged in to Zambeel even though there is still an hour to enrollment. It doesnt real-ly matter if youre a freshman or a senior; everyone fears this moment equally. This could be the second longest hour of your

life at Lums (first being in the 8am class, obviously). Grab your mouse and start clicking that Process 2 of 3 Tab because its just 5 minutes to enrollment and you never know when your luck might work out to get you enrolled in all the desired courses.

8pm, clicking, panicking, hearing people cheer and Oh, one red cross. Now what? You must pick some other course quickly. What about Evolution of Music in the

Enrollment at LUMS

This could be the second lon-

gest hour of your life at Lums (first being in the

8am class, obviously).

10

Subcontinent? Its the only one that never clashes with anyones Finals and is always open. And who knows, we might play instruments in this class. Meanwhile, you will also find other not-so-lucky people, rushing towards Umer Brars office to save their semesters. But you decide to take the first class of this course and if they dont intend on playing any instruments, you will post it on discussion forum (like always) for any takers. Hopefully, youll be able to find some swap for your class. Always keep Umer Brar as a back-up plan, though.

During the Add/Drop period, you take various classes with different instructors just to be sure about your semester. Meanwhile, if you didnt find your Music class as interesting as its name seems, theres still that swapping over Discussion Forum option. God forbid if your luck still doesnt play fair, you still have Umar Brar as a back-up plan.

Set all mishaps aside, the fuss is finally over. This is close to what most of the students go through every 4 months; being ping-pong balls in the hands of luck and Zambeel. But no matter how many times you managed or failed to get your courses, enrollment day still keeps everyone in a full-blown panic till the very end. The outcomes of this very interest-ing day are then to be met in coming semester.

10 Problems Every Day Scholar has to Deal WithB eing college students, I believe we all will have come to the realization that the widespread ideal college lifestyle is sel-dom the reality. All rules of life change as one makes a transition from being an im-mature high school teen to a fairly inde-pendent adult. Adapting to the changes in cultural, academic and social aspect that the college life has to offer is crucial. However, the experiences differ for every person. Col-lege life can be analyzed in manifold ways. Being a day-scholar myself I can relate to the experiences of this special kind of class.

Here is what I consider the 10 experiences we day-scholars have gone through or will soon enough undergo during our time in college.

1 The Time ManagingThe amount of unstructured time is one of the major differences between high school and college. In high school we were constantly scheduled, with very few breaks. In college our classes may be spaced out during the day, with free time between each class. Or they may be bunched up into a

11

few days, mornings, or afternoons leaving large periods of leisure time. The only productive thing we can do during this time is to study. Our biggest regret is that we dont get to nap on a comfy bed in this leisure time.

2 The Early Wake UpA fairly large number of us live on the other side of the city. Unlike the boarders we have to wake up two hours prior to class. Moreover, if we miss our breakfast we have to go through the first class of the day with a growling stomach. A two hour class is a killer in this situation.

3 The Traffic JamsNothing is more infuriating than the traffic jams we get stuck in, atleast once a day. During these hours, some of us listen FM89 to the breakfast show with Khalid Malik and the rest drool and snore until the drivers call declares we have reached our destination. In addition to this, the anxiety it creates is exponential with each second. If we happen to be the so called theetas, then we constantly worry about not being able to get one of the front seats of class.

4 The Cancelled ClassHowever rare, when a class gets can-celled at the last minute and we cant im-provise fun plans, you should hear us rant about how we came from miles and miles away in heavy traffic bearing the scorching heat of the sun or the chill of the fog or the flooded road just to be notified that we have to make the return journey with noth-

ing attained.

5 The Weekend Call UpsWe already have to bear the traffic headaches five days a week and when an instructor breaks news of a quiz on a Staur-day or Sunday we lose our mind like a dog with rabies. When we finally absorb the shock, we go on a rampage on how difficult our life already is and how we have to sac-rifice and spend weekends in university too.

6 The Late Night StudyingSo much travelling exhausts us. If our classes and tutorials end up late, we always

come home drained. During the five work-ing days, we hold the reputation of being short tempered in the family. After we get home and try to open our books, we cant open our eyes. Then we resort to caffeine. But Alas! Only the strong ones make it through. The weaklings show the white flag wishing that somehow the struggle would stop.

7 The Absentee Of Late Night PartiesIf majority of our friends are boarders, we miss all the late night gossip so were always one step behind everybody in this regard. While they laugh on some joke we

12

missed the night before we pretend not to act confused or look in the other direction or force out a fake giggle. Its hard to turn down a late night party and listen to our mom demanding to head home right away. Were basically trapped between the friends and family circle.

8 The MisplacingsIf our work involves a lot of our own personal laptop usage, the struggle gets very real. We simply fail to acknowledge the presence of lockers. Carrying our lap-tops around all day long as we wander the campus is a proof of our physical strength. Moreover, unlike the hostelites, we carry all our books for the day with us and have no-where to put it once all the classes are over so we are very prone to misplacing them everywhere. Literally everywhere from re-strooms to PDC to prayer rooms and IST.

9 The No-Rest ZoneWe feel envious when we see boarders changing into their comfortable sweatpants whenever they feel like theyre done for the day. When boarders oversleep, they can still make it into class on time in their jammies and change into jeans later. Unfortunately, we cannot avail this advantage. If we over-sleep and we do not have arrangements for such emergencies, either we sacrifice our attendance or we turn up in our bananas in pajamas pants and be the item of mockery for the whole day.

10 The Food CritiqueWe respect the hostelites who, with

time get used to PDC food. Eventually, they start appreciating the food because they have quite forgotten what home food tastes like until they go home. Our condo-lences to you boarders, we know how hard it is to get over our moms home-made recipes. Whenever we take the first bite of PDCs Chicken Manchurian or Daal, our mind unintentionally starts comparing it to home food. No matter how good it is we always manage to say My mom makes it wayyy better than this. Having said that, we still enjoy the Friday Briyani and we se-cretly admit that at home our moms will never make biryani every week. :P

On one hand we feel proud to say that we live an independent life but on the other we still have to get home on time and live a family-friends life together. No matter how tough it is and no matter how much it demands us to be on our feet 24/7 we still live the best of both worlds and boarders cant top that. B-)

13

The 7 Types of Students

You should be in bed, but instead, you are grudgingly dragging yourself to class. Meandering through the empty halls of the Academic Block, you finally reach the classroom. First, you yawn. Then, you sigh. And finally, with an unanticipated amount of effort, you turn the door knob and push the door open.

Youre a freshman at LUMS, and right now you think youve entered a normal room. And you think itll be filled with normal, conventional individuals.

But do not be fooled, oh naive freshman - for you are about to be exposed to a brilliant assortment of personalities and characters.

These arent the average people who you would generally interact with every day. Oh no dear freshman, these students are a class apart.

1. In the front row sits who we call the over-enthusiastic student. Now be cogni-zant of the fact that this young gentleman is not the traditional apple-polisher you have seen in your school classes. Not only does this individual flaunt his pseudo intellect with intense pride, he considers himself to be the (unofficial) teachers favourite. He participates in class passionately (read: like someone who is desperate for full CP marks) and you will often find him articu-lating in the most verbose and complex of ways. And basically putting the rest of the class to sleep.

Its 7:55 a.m. Its Monday.

Its your elitist minds definition of hell...

14

2. Second on our list of enigmatic person-alities are the much-loved (read: much-hat-ed), the boisterous, the flamboyant...the selfie queens. While majority of the stu-dent population comes to class to engage in (light) studying, this fascinating group of ladies comes to class for two purposes: to socialize and to take pictures. Now, youre a freshman - and a relatively intelligent one at that - thus, you cant help but wonder why these ladies need to come to class if all they want to do is talk and Snapchat...they can do that much more effortlessly at the Kho-ka. But no, its just more exciting for them to take pictures in a confined space with the TAs scrutinizing their every move. Maybe they like the challenge. Maybe they like the attention. Who knows?

3. Our third category of students on the list are the misunderstood geniuses. Yes, yes dear freshmen - majority of our humble student population believes they fall per-fectly under this category. These are the in-dividuals for whom studies and grades have never been the strongest point - yet, they believe their creativity and intellect sur-passes those of others (even the professors). They believe they are the Bill Gates of our generation: school failures today, wealthiest men tomorrow. When the instructor cold calls them, they struggle their way through the answers but it doesnt concern them too much because they have an exceedingly prosperous (apparently) life ahead.

4. Next comes the laid-back A-grader. Tra-

ditionally, the backbenchers of the class are considered to be defiant because they are believed to be poor and careless stu-dents. However, this stereotype is broken at LUMS. These defiant backbenchers, who seem to care little for studies are the reason why the curve is so steep. Their laid-back and carefree attitude earns them As and A minuses while your dedication and consis-tent hard-work probably does not amount to more than a B. Get used to this, young freshman. This is how life works.

5. The I-couldnt-care-less-Senior is num-ber five on the list. This gentlemen is in his last year of university, and thus he believes he belongs to the most privileged class of the LUMS demographic. He arrives fash-ionably late to every class, appearing ap-proximately thirty minutes after the class has started. In one hand, he carries a styro-foam cup filled with chai and in the other, a packet of gluco biscuits. The instructor cares little for tardiness, but of course this ever-responsible senior and the TA are best friends - so the senior ends up with perfect attendance for the semester, while you - in-nocent freshman - have a 60 percent in at-tendance because you were GENUINELY ill for a week.

6. Number six on the list is the sleeping beauty (or well, the sleeping ugly - lets face it, a mop of unkempt hair, crust-filled eyes and hardened drool is not very aesthetically pleasing). It is an 8 a.m. class, and the in-structor - with all due respect - is a great,

15

big bore. Our sleeping ugly spent all of last night chilling at the khokha, smoking and playing taash. Hes exhausted by now. He can barely keep his eyes open. The poor guy deserves to sleep. And so, he sleeps. Occa-sionally he snores. And of course, that is a melodic delight for your ears.

7. The last person on the list is the judge-mental freshie. And thats you, dear reader.Stop judging. Happy studying.

LUMSDISCUSSIONFORUMIf there is one thing to turn to when LUMS has yet again failed to meet your expectations, its the LUMS Discussion Forum. It was there when you had trouble with your courses and it was there when LUMS refused to close its doors till it actu-ally did and it will be there time and time again till the admin decides to cut you off, of course. Extensive research (two hours worth of scrolling through the page) has shown that LDF is the biggest and most sought after source of entertainment at LUMS. You can never have too many or too controversial arguments while trying to study in the library, which is the only

reason you actually read those long posts and endless comments in the first place. Posts on LDF range from PDC menus to encouraging people to call the CMs Secre-tary to close LUMS down. In a nutshell, you will never be anything less than entertained when youre on the page. LDF hit an all-time high when the LUMS might be closed controversy started before the exams were to officially begin. I was part of those who thought the exams would be delayed, as any sane person would be too. LDF was my go to place when study-ing proved too much of a hassle for exams that were looking less than probable. After

the break, I was once again sure that the exams would be cancelled which resulted from an eavesdropping session in one of the labs and confidence that was instilled in me by a handful of hopefuls on LDF. It was after I gave two of my exams when it finally dawned on me that I would have to sit through more. I hope the rest of those on LDF would have put the pieces togeth-er quicker than I did. This just shows how

Who would have thought we would have seen a post about a certain spitting sniper? When does that even

happen?

16

LDF brainwashed me into thinking that it was THE MOST ACCURATE source of in-formation at LUMS. This is what LDF did to me in a very short span of time and I have never posted on the forum. Never. I just go through it till someone starts talking about courses.

LDF earned its status as entertainer of the century by competing with the likes of Dhoombros and ZaidAliT. I say with ut-most certainty that I prefer LDF to these sources basically because I never know what to expect when I open the page! Im not even kidding. Who would have thought we would have seen a post about a certain spitting sniper? When does that even hap-pen? Needless to say, we are mostly enter-tained at the expense of someone in dire need of help such as a serious freshmen asking for help and to be responded solely by jokes. After an analysis of the most liked posts on LDF, here are my top 5 tips to get a plethora of likes:

1 Randomness goes a long way. In the midst of serious conversations, there is always this one post and/or comment that attempts to make light of the conversation at hand. This almost always proves unsuc-cessful. Nonetheless, your effort will not go in vain and you shall be acknowledged by the likes of those studying in the library. Embrace the randomness in you.

2 Make light of people offering and/or asking for help. Mould the serious re-quests to something hilarious, yet useless. Your post will be appreciated more than the serious ones. Trust me. Im a procrastinator by heart. There are tons of us LUMS and we shall be there when you post.

3 Use famous TV shows and movies to change a common post at a particular time such as those at the time of enroll-ment. You shall be granted likes and com-ments of appreciation. Let your creativity

17

flow. Do not shy away from using quotes that are begging to be used sarcastically.

4 Refrain from poetry that is likely to bore us but try to channel your ridic-ulous side by making a poem of your own by using all that LUMS has to offer. I cant do justice to this so Im leaving it to the pic-tures.

5 All you freshmen out there cannot go wrong with a post on LDF. Whether its a post on why Zambeel shows some parts of your schedule as pink to posts asking if you should take WnC in your first year. If it still isnt clear, please take it. Even if you dont get as many likes as others, always remem-ber that we looked at your post, laughed at its naive-ness and went on with our day. I will try to like more of your posts next time. Consider all of your posts liked.

I hope my pearls of wisdom help you out; especially all those who try too hard and fail. Adios and heres to hoping you see a post by me on LDF. Have an awesome se-mester. Stay entertained always!

18

The Troubles of an ACF Major

If youre an ACF major, youve probably often heard the line you dont know what its like to be in SSE- your courses are so easy! While it may be true that SSE students have the worst workloads, our courses arent exactly a piece of cake. And that may be the understatement of the century. We certainly get our fair share of madness and there are several reasons for which ACF majors are worse off. Forgive me if I sound biased here but Ill lay out a picture of what its like to be an ACF major and then you can be the judge.

Lets start with the compulsory attendance factor in all our courses. You have to make it to every class or risk losing a certain percentage of your grade, a greater percentage if youre unfortunate enough to miss a class with an unannounced quiz. Can a person not want to miss a single class, perhaps because he/she is sick or has a severe head-ache or well, just because he/she couldnt get up for one class in an entire se-mester? We are, after all, human beings, filled with a million imperfections and we would appreciate it if we are pardoned once in a while without having to go through the trouble of fill-ing out petitions. Then theres the added pressure of class participation that contributes towards a signifi-cant portion of our grade. If youre the least bit shy and cant take the initiative to speak up in class, be prepared to lose that part of your grade straight away, even if you are a top scorer in your quizzes and exams. Every time a question is asked, you find yourself trying to gather up the courage to answer and then feel a pang of disappointment when you fail to do so. Then you look at your grade after the semester and realize you could have gotten a better grade if you had spoken just once more in class. Oh, that dreadful feeling!As if the agony isnt enough, we end up having quizzes almost every Friday evening. Out of class, combined quizzes (for all sections of that course) that happen in the largest audito-

19

riums of LUMS and make us feel like were having an exam. There you have it- Fridays ruined. After dealing with all the horren-dous classes throughout the week and those infuriating Friday quizzes, we get to ruin our weekends too, preparing for all the un-announced quizzes we might have during the week. Yayy. Its another shock when youre expected to practice CA and ACCA level papers to prepare for quizzes and ex-ams. You find yourself thinking along the lines hey were just kids! These papers are for older people! Why are they making us do this now?! Whats worse is that those courses also have the I-curse-whoever-thought-of-it rule of negative marking.

Then this year came along and certain peo-ple decided that ACF wasnt tough enough and they needed to make it tougher. They decided to change our program structure. All of our 4 credit hour courses got reduced to 3 credit hours and we ended up having to take five to six courses to fulfill our min-imum credit-hour requirement. Its another heartbreak when you realize youre taking the most difficult course of your semester with a batch senior than yours and that gives you the scare of your life. You walk into the first class of your semester and see five TAs from your previous courses on the seats- who are obviously pretty smart- and you realize youre doomed for an entire se-mester. You spend the whole semester com-plaining that they always pull the mean up (which may not be entirely true but it gives us someone to blame for our ever decreas-

ing marks).

Reducing all courses to 3 credit hours cre-ates another problem. We have a course thats meant to be taught in a session of 2 hours per class which is now reduced to 1 hour 15 minutes. The instructors complain that thats too short a class to teach and we end up having tutorials to compensate for that. Oh thats fine- take away our free eve-nings too that we manage to get after deal-ing with the six courses that we have. Thats not all- lets keep two tutorials for different courses at the same time so we have to de-cide which course we want to save more badly in order to make a choice on which tutorial we want to attend.

Nonetheless, all of this only makes us cher-ish the scarce free time we have and has also made us stronger and better prepared for dealing with anything that comes our way. I have come to terms with the fact that this is all part of being in such a prestigious pro-gram and I wouldnt trade it for the world! Good luck, fellow ACF majors! May the at-tendance, CP, quizzes and exams be ever in your favor!

20

Diary of a Luminite

Jab bhai aya tha na LUMS, seedhi souch thi, deen be set tha aur Quaid-e-Azam be achay thay.

Note: The opinions represented in this article are exaggerated for humor. Apologies if they offend

anyone.

Kurriye ney teray brown rung deyMunday patdeney saray meray town dey

Honey Singhs a bloody genius. Saari girls down ki hui hain saalay nay. Down tou waisay main be ker leyta but I need a different kinda girl. You know, the knows-how-to-make-round-rotis and the not-cussing-at-you-if-you-try-to-have-an-argument-about-the-concept-of-liberal-ism-in-Pakistan kind. Bhai jab ye larkiyaan behass kerna shuru hoti hain na, meri tou phatt jati hai. But then again, sitting at the khokha in LUMS, I see every walking body carrying so much opinion and so little balls to actually say that shit out.

Laikin phir baat be samjh ati hai. Feminism he ley lo. I mean, I completely see how a so-ciety advocating womens right in Pakistans more educated and privileged 100 acres of land is a necessity, totes. But kasmay yaar, thori dehshatt se lagti hai.

I saw a man get shot down once. Dont get me wrong, I know the guy was an idiot; picking up an offensive internet term and blurting it out in a public talk with astound-ing confidence, the kind men usually gain from their bhai ki shirt check ker type conversations. But kyaaa gandi hui uski. Farr-farr angrezi, heavy heavy accents and knowledge be waadu. Impress tou main ho hi gaya tha laikin I quietly put down my raised hand in the face of the speaker at the

Why Im not a feminist talk. Private main poochna better ho ga nae?

And then theres the infamous example of Usman S. The man we ALL saw get shot down. Hansi tou mujay be bohat aye thi post perh k but by the time the comments reached a gazillion and 2, I started feeling bad for him. If a freshie fresh to the very fresh environment of LUMS makes the mistake of voicing one of his poorly word-ed, and very controversial Islamic opinions, we could have argued with him with logic and not sarcasm, yes?

I might be a maila, a sleaze ball, a border-line ball scratcher in public. I might have the broken English Meera prides her-

21

self over. I might have very orthodox Islamic views about womens modesty. But the point Im trying to make here is, Im not alone in this. Adha LUMS ye batain paet main da-baye beytha hai. Be it your socialization at familys hand or your very ignorant and twisted concepts of feminism itself, bohat boys hain jo closeted anti femists hain. Shayad problem sirf ye hai k ye sub boys hain thoray phattu aur jahan say information mill sakti hai wo unapproachable.

Ya phir extending that very argument, shayad prob-lem ye hai k LUMS is a very different place in practice than it is in theory; opinion blurt out kernay say pehlay he phatt jaye tou masla sirf ap main nae shayad environ-ment main be hai.

Remember when the Humans of LUMS project was at its peak? Us main tasveer anay ki tou khoahish he reh gaye waisay meri, laikin aik picture ka quote tha jo ja k dill ko laga tha. The best thing about LUMS is its diversity and the worst thing about LUMS is also its diversity. We all enter freshmen year doe eyed at all the chicks were going to score; only to realize Arey chicks mailoon say thori baat kerti hain. We en-ter LUMS wearing embroidered shalwar kameez at Jummas and bright orange checkered shirts at presentations; we leave LUMS looking much like your average Luminite, stripped of our flavor, devoid of our individuality. Chalo keh lo ye grooming ho gaye boys ki, much needed grooming. But exactly how much of this assimilation are we ready to chalk under that term?

Jab bhai aya tha na LUMS, seedhi souch thi, deen be set tha aur Quaid-e-Azam be achay thay. Phir pata laga dosroon k side of the argument bhi sunni chahiyay. Lo jee sunn leytay hain, sannu ki, haina? Aur main kehta hoon, yun he ideas suntay suntay kab aik heirarchy paida ho gaye, pata he nae laga. Kab burgeroon kay ideas public main advocate kerna aasaan ho gaya aur khud ki ideas and sawaal background main chalay gaye. And i dont just mean topics revolving around feminism when i say this. I mean i have had an entire auditorium turn around to stare at me when I speak in favor of blasphemy laws, I mean Ive had people give me looks when I speak of Islams point of view regarding homosex-uals. Theek hai, enlightened baat kerni chahiyay but freedom of expression dono sides of argument per extend hona chahiyay nae?

22

Sub jantay hain LUMS hai bus aik bubble. Shayad agar ye paradoxes hata dain is main say, ye bubble thora zameen per ajaye. Waisay kerna mainay be kuch nae hai, baatoon k siwa. Back to Honey Singh boys.

Mere town de, mere town de, mere town de ni billoMere town de...

Mere town de, mere town de...

23

Mandatory Crossword

Across1. Yaar Rs. 100 say kamm main khana hai aj3. Not the VC we want but the VC we need5. Corporate slave market7. source of LUMSs fragrance8. Staple diet of hostelites10. Ejaz bhai ki night version

Down2. Winter is _______4. LUMS sutta shop6. Coolest society in LUMS9. where the men strip (halfway) and flex and grunt

Answers: 1. PDC, 2. Coming, 3. Sohail, 4. OKstore, 5. SDSB, 6. PLUMS, 7. Nala, 8. Maggie, 9. Gym, 10. Musa

24

eye of the (Aunt of the)

TIGERUgh. Such filth. I take a woeful look around me. These despicable human be-ings will never learn any discipline. I bring my paws up and lick them clean with my tongue, allowing them to continue fearless-ly through this heap of dirt. I am a graceful creature, and such lack of courtesy angers me. It feels violative of my very sense of be-ing. It feels like a dart stuck in I smell food! My nose: my one true alibi. I look around to find my prey.

This place is massive. Its good for exercise, but just look at all these humans, walking around like they own the place. My ances-tors have been here long before these in-ferior beings ever came along. Just look at them, sitting at the benches like they own the place. And they always move in packs and herds, and seldom alone. Look at me. I walk about independently, and these be-ings, much taller than I am, walk togeth-er. My friends tell me theyre scared of us. Theyre scared well pounce at them and take their food. What vile creatures indeed.

I follow them around. I watch them through the bushes when they arent looking. They intrigue me. They arouse my curiosity. And you know what they

say about my species and curiosity. These people. They walk about so indifferent and ignorant, unaware of their surroundings. I sometimes even crawl up right behind them and they dont know. Until the shriek sounds and they jump up. These people are so loud. Polluting even the air waves. They can leave nothing unmarked. And then they criticise how I mark my territory. Hmph.

Year in and year out, it all happens the same way. They come in with bright, sparkling, hopeful eyes, overcome by the aura of this place. Theyre so weak. They let it get to them. They let it change them. It moulds them into how they feel they ought to be and they leave behind who they are and who they were and who they thought they

25

would be. They claim to be such individ-uals, but are they really? I do often won-der. And I stand perplexed. Every year they start off with bright colours of red and green and blue, running all over the place. And by the end of the year, they all descend into grayscale monotony. This place gets to them, it seems. They huddle together in groups. Large groups. Larger than our entire clowders. And then slow-ly, much like their optimism, these groups tend to wither away. And unlike their opti-mism, the groups seem to resurrect all of a sudden, just before they are about to leave this place. These people have trouble letting go or moving on, it seems. I see some of them walking alone on the side, their ears plugged with some type of seal, the wires hanging out I wonder if they receive orders on how to operate through those plugs.

I hear talks of no judgment. What do I care? I try to not judge them. After all, ev-ery single day, they set up my stage to show-case my talents on the ramps and down the stairs, allowing me to saunter through the smoke-screen, making my grand entry op-posite their major food venue. I feel I must retire now though. The smoke hasnt been very good for my health. Its weighing me down now.

I must go now. My food awaits me. I must go ask the nice human in my finest British accent for his food. I know I can win him over with my charm. Here goes nothing. Meow.

This article has been written by Abeer Mus-tafa, a convert to the law major after having spent his freshman year in SSE. The LUMS Social Life and their feline interactions greatly intrigue him to date, though he is actively part of the same.

26

What the SocietieS really do

LAS: The ancient order of the Nights Watch. These Watchers on the Wall wear black, go farther north than anyone else, and are sworn to protect one another. On the day of the coronation of new Lord Commander of the Nights Watch, an event every man

in the seven kingdoms has waited for the entire year, the members of the Watch go to the historic Castle McDonalds. At least thats what they like to think of themselves. In all honesty, theyre just a bunch of wannabe-tough boys and girls whose only form identity comes from this society. While the interview process is very rigorous, the only real thing you learn after

spending 3 years in this society is how to shit under the naked sky, on the top of a mountain. The only thing more important to them than the society itself is the black jacket the members wear. Apparently, one of their favorite interview questions is, What does this black jacket mean to you? Seriously?

LEAF: Some kind of environment related thing. Dont know whether its a society or an idea. Or a thought. Or a dream.

LUMUN: Attend one LUMUN session and youll come to know that these are the people shaping the world. From the war on terror-ism to the spread of Ebola, all the critical issues that the world is facing come to their tables. And if they dont take a decision (however stupid and impractical it may be) in 3 days, they world will fall apart.

Religious Society: Either they dont want us to know what they do or they dont do anything at all. How many of you have ever heard of an event/talk/session/thing organized by this society? The only time you ever need to talk

27

to a member of LRA is when you want Qu-ran Khwani in the Masjid for the death of friends relative. I wish I could take a look at the societys campusmail inbox. I am sure the last email these guys sent was 7 years ago, thanking the Dean for giving them the status of a society.

Arts Society: WE HAVE AN ARTS SOCIETY???

SLUMS: Theyre good at what they do, they dont think themselves above the rest and they certainly dont think their how their work is affecting people world over.

LES: Before I came to LUMS, I knew that the LUMS Entrepreneurial Society organizes YLES. Now that I am in LUMS, I know that the LUMS Entrepreneurial Society organizes YLES. After I leave LUMS, the LUMS Entrepreneurial Society will keep on organizing the YLES.

Dramaline: Most members of Dramaline think that by simply being members of this society, they have become cooler than the rest. What surprises me the most is that there is a gen-eral impression that Dramaline is one of the top 5 societies at lums, despite the fact the only good thing that comes out of this society is the annual play. And dramaliners cherish the three days of the play for the rest of the year.

One problem with Dramaline is that theres this belief everyone has that Karachites control the society. And even among the Karachites, people tell stories about how favoritism is very common. This belief is so strong that I people actually leave the so-ciety for this reason. The other day I over-heard someone giving statistics of how al-most all the presidents of the society in the past 10 years are from Karachi.

PsiFi: The main event of PsiFi is Spades. Or is it the other way around?

Music Society: Yes its true! They have a jam room!

FemSoc: When this society was founded, the initia-tive was lauded everyone. Their initial #We NeedFeminism campaign was a huge suc-cess, not only in LUMS, but throughout Pakistan. But soon, the only thing this society started being known for was their scornful words and stinging sarcasm on social media forums. Yar dehaan se baat kar, warna *insert name of society presi-dent* aa jaeygi, is something that I have heard and read more than once. Their of-fensive behavior, according to most people, was uncalled for. But this may be debatable because sometimes the people do actually write sexist comments freely on these fo-rums. What is not debatable, however, is that nobody knows what the society actu-ally does. Most people think that the Exec-utive Council of the Society gathers around

28

the computer screen, waits for someone to write something vaguely sexist, and then destroys them using the their weapon of

mass destruction, the LDF.

It is high time that the society starts doing real work like organizing events, initiating campaigns and spreading awareness.

Photographic Society: Photography is an art. People spend a life-time learning this art and are still not good at it. The members of PhotoLUMS, how-ever, believe that buying a DSLR camera is all there is to photography. And to make it worse, they take pictures of not the things, animals, or people around them, but of themselves. Go check the last 5 cover pho-tos of their Facebook page and youll real-ize that people join this society to get good DPs, not for the love of the art.

Emergency Medical Services: +92 42 111 115 867 (Ext. 1122). Thats all

you need to know.

Alpha: Once a month they book an auditorium and play a movie. Once a year they have a cricket match screening. And then theres Splash. In the four years that I have spent in LUMS, I have yet to meet a person who has been to this event and still it is the most awaited event of the year.

AIESEC: The scope of this society extends beyond the borders of Pakistan, let alone LUMS. Go to one of their information sessions and youll realize that AIESEC is the only thing that has stopped the world from starting anoth-er World War. While it is doing so much for world peace, its relevance to LUMS is lost on me. LUMS Daily Student: Societies are supposed to have events. In the case of LDS, an event (CARMA) has a society. DRUMS: This society has a lot of untapped potential. But only if its name is changed. Right now it feels like a cheap replacement for the music society.

LCSS: Blood Drive 2012. Blood Drive 2013. Blood Drive 2014. Blood Drive 2015.

29

Culture Society: Everything in the world, however small, has a role to play. The culture society also plays its role. A few trips to Old Lahore, a few to Multan and other historically signif-icant cities, and one to some other coun-try. Each and every year. Nothing different. Nothing new.

LMA: The venue for the LMA Awards is the Crystal Hall of the Pearl Continental Ho-tel Lahore. Boys dressed in suits and girls dressed in saris gather once every year to celebrate, in grandeur, the success of a film that they make in less than 2 weeks. They even have a premier for that film.

IEEE: I always thought it was another name for SSE.

30