Photos and writings by Amie Presley

Journey to Indialearning to listen

India, you challenged me - pushed me to open my eyes and dared me not to close them. I was emotionally assaulted by images of poverty and then embraced by images of love and perseverance. Your backbone, your people, told tales of triumph, love, determination, sorrow, and deep rooted hatred. Your past, your present, and your future all intertwined in a confusing unity tempting me with fragments of context.

I am baffled by your contrasts – your dusty streets sparkling with bril-liantly coloured saris; slums breaking at the seams taunted by 40 storey mansions; struggling villages bursting with wisdom and promise; grey stained horizons waving at beach front sunsets; and bright white laun-dry blowing in the wind over top of garbage filled waters.

Oh India, your streets woke me on my first day, while your waters and sun comforted me on my last days. I grew not to understand you, but to appreciate what I did not understand. I do not entirely know you, but I now know a little more about you. And because of that, I now know a little more about myself.

Traveling through India with a lens, not only as a tour-ist, but as a research object, I turned my “trip” on its head. Leaving to go to India was not about a vacation, it was about a research study - field work for an autoethnog-raphy about the interactions which support intercul-tural intelligence, awareness, and growth. I was interested in understanding the experi-ences which contribute to intercultural competence.

Over the years I have strug-gled with where my interests fit. I felt limited by traditional quantitative approaches and structured journal articles. While at Royal Roads and learning about various forms of arts based inquiry, per-sonal narrative, and sensu-ous scholarship, I have come across an entire new world - a world that I knew I wanted to know more about.

To me autoethnography is a research method that ex-plores the researcher’s per-sonal experience in relation to a chosen phenomenon and then attempts to gain a broader understanding of that phenomenon. As a research method, it is a promising way to promote personal transformation which, in turn, may lead to cross-cultural understand-ing and social change (Gtowacki-Dudka, Treff, & Usman, 2005).

In this world, I discovered autoethnography. There are many definitions of auto-ethnography, and I situate myself somewhere along the continuum between evocative (Ellis, 2004; Ellis & Bochner, 2006; Muncey, 2010) and critical (Anderson, 2006); although same may disagree with these distinc-tions. Chang (2007) argues the importance of both, a balance so that “autoethnog-raphy [is] ethnographical in its methodological orienta-tion, cultural in its interpreta-tion orientation, and auto-biographical in its content orientation (p. 208).

Upon returning home from India, I sat down and revisited my research proposal and research question - how is the process of intercultural competence devel-opment experienced? I realized how easy this sentence was to write and how hard it would be to truly answer. The developmental models and definitions of inter-cultural competence stress the process as ongoing (Spitzberg & Changnon, 2009). Before I under-stood that, but now I know it.

My communicative reactions to experiences and exchanges with-in India are framed by my mean-ing perspectives (Mezirow, 1991); my expectations framed within my cultural assumptions and pre-suppositions. Meaning perspec-tives provide me with a “criteria for judging and evaluating what is right or wrong, beautiful or ugly, true or false, appropriate or inappropriate” (p. 44). When an individual’s meaning perspective is challenged by an experience, either the experience is rejected or an individual’s meaning per-spective shifts and accommo-dates the new experience. This is perspective transformation (Mezirow, 1991).

“[This is a] process of becoming critically aware of how and why our assumptions have come to constrain the way we perceive, understand, and feel about our world; changing these struc-tures of habitual expectation to make possible a more inclusive, discriminating, and integrative perspective, and, finally, mak-ing choices or otherwise acting upon these new understandings” (Mezirow, 1991, p.167).

If self-aware, each day, each new experience has the potential to re-shape our meaning perspec-tives. This re-shaping is potential-ly ongoing intercultural growth.

Mezirow’s theory on transforma-tive learning is my experience with autoethnography and with the intercultural growth process. All three are entwined togeth-er. Autoethnography requires a consciousness of place – an intentionality of mind (Crane, 2003); being aware of your senses, a knowing of yourself in every moment. Autoethnogra-phy demands a recognition of feelings and a conscious effort to explore the roots of them; a criti-cal self-awareness which is key in both transformative learning and intercultural growth.

Prior to India, I was ill prepared for the level of consciousness and self-awareness necessary for embarking on an autoethno-graphic study. However, once I came to understand the level of commitment needed on my part, I was in an entirely different mode of experiencing. Please indulge me while I tell a story.

There were eleven of us tightly packed into an SUV. Our driver showed no mercy as he seemed to strategically hit every bump in the road. With every bump, the seat drove into my spine, as it did the others, and we moaned in unison. Eventually, we reached our destination; a small village deep within the windy roads, nestled among choppy farmers fields, cow patches, and struggling trees. As the doors opened we were embraced by hot fumes of burning garbage, cow manure, and urine. We all stepped out of the SUV. On the left side of the street were farm-ing fields. To the right of the street, the houses began. There were a small number of dusty alleyways dotted with children, women, and cows. Grey cement block houses framed the slim passages. Inside the passages I saw no glass windows, only neatly shaped holes in walls.

As I looked around, I became more aware of how nervous I was. Since I stepped off the plane in India, I had been hit from every direction with new images, both beauti-ful and heartbreaking. But they had been images from a rickshaw; always with some sort of separa-tion or distance. Today was about breaking that distance and build-ing a relationship. I knew this meeting would be different.

Our group was there to talk to a group of women about their in-volvement with a self-help group, supported by the Centre for Envi-ronmental Education (CEE). The group was learning about financial literacy and sustainable livelihood options.

In Canada, I live in a small city, in the ‘nice’ part of town. I rarely have to come face to face with ‘uncomfort-able’ images. As I read this last sentence, it seems quite shallow. And perhaps it is. I have led a fairly easy life. I am fully aware of that.

I took a few pictures of the vil-lage, hiding behind my cam-era, until I could muster up the courage to follow the group. We were led down a soiled al-leyway which was spotted with shallow muddy puddles. As we approached the house, we could hear many noises – cries from babies, children laugh-ing, and women chatting. We stopped at a big purple gate, which stood out in the dusty alleyway, and were ushered in through the opening. Within the small courtyard, we were greeted by a swarm of flies, a pile of shoes, and a small crowd of women and children. I took my shoes off, an obliga-tory custom when entering houses in India, and followed my peers up the stairs to the porch area. We were offered a seat on a small blanket on the floor of the porch.

This was the first house I had visited in India – and out of everything that was going on, I zeroed in on the floor. It was a simple, beige, square-tiled floor – but spotless and shin-ing in the sunlight; a complete contrast to the flies, dirt, cow feces, and garbage near by. After being amazed by the floor, my eyes were drawn to the women sitting across from us. They were also shining in the sunlight - their beautifully coloured saris, sparkling gold jewelry, and bright smiles;

a contrast to my non-existent jewelry, plain black pants, and lackluster wrinkled, sweaty green shirt.

I was shocked by my own fascination with the shiny floor and colourful women. Why did I feel like this? My expecta-tions, framed by my short time in India and my life in Canada, situated poverty as something unsightly and intimidating. I am not a naive person, I know poverty exists. It exists in many different forms all over the world. But today, my deep-routed belief about poverty was exposed by my first genu-ine interaction with the wom-en of this village.

After chai and more conversation, we were nearing to leave when a baby next to me, cra-dled by her mother, began to cry softly. The Grandmother, akin to the baby, smiled at me. Through her smile she said “They all cry. They cry for love. We all need love - we are all the same.” I nod. I cry. I do not feel sympathy for these women. I feel empathy.

I know she did not say that, but it is what I heard through her smile. I left with the knowl-edge that although our struggles as women are different, they unite us all the same.

As I write this last sentence - I nod. I cry.

After, what may seem to be a simple and obvious revelation, I was an emotional wreck for the remainder of the time. Tears pooled under my sun glasses with each word the translator spoke. “The women dream of sending all their children to school”.

They ask us for advice and we tell them “Education is key, but you already know that”.

They nod. I cry.

While I was in the village, I was so aware of what and how I was feeling, it almost be-came a distraction. I wanted to listen to every word these women were saying and take in every facial expression, but I also knew I had to listen to myself, take in me. That’s what the process of autoethnography feels like. It explores deep feelings which are a part of a greater process.

Because of autoethnography, I was in the position to intentionally explore my self-aware-ness: What is happening? Why do I feel this way? Because of autoethnography, I became better acquainted with my meaning perspectives and the construction of my ideals. And lastly, because of the introspection required of autoethnography, I was able to recognize the potential of moments in India as transformative. This is why autoethnography, trans-formative learning, and intercultural competence development are all entwined with each other. In the village I felt the essence of autoethnography and because of that I could sense the transformative power of the situation and the potential for intercultural growth.

This transformative feeling within intercultural growth is recognized by literature. Trans-formative learning is closely related to models of intercultural growth (Taylor, 1994). My response and openness to, as well as my acknowledgement of, the importance of the interactions in the village are linked closely to my intercultural growth experience. Taylor explains that intercultural experiences which challenge one’s meaning perspectives are called cultural disequilibrium. These moments are instances of dissonance causing stress and intense emotions. A reflective approach to these instances and an openness to ob-serve, listen, and participate, supports the ongoing development of intercultural growth. Intercultural growth reflects a consistent learning pattern of perspective transformation.

My experience in the village and so many other moments in India have clarified for me my understanding of autoethnography and my entire research study. My study is not about the experience of intercultural development. It is about the feeling of intercultural growth. I owe that revelation to the women of India. I end with a poem I wrote which con-veys my learning from India that I take forward with me, both in research and in life.

Listening,I hear myself feel your wordsA short story of humanity taughtLeft up to me to waste and discountFaulted by fear of the unfamiliarI choose to understand you.

References:

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Crane, T. (2003). The intentional structure of con-sciousness. In Q. Smith & A. Jokic (Eds) Conscious-ness: New Philosophical Perspectives (pp. 33-56). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications Ltd.

Chang, H. (2007). Autoethnography: Raising cultural consciousness of self and others. In G. Walford (Ed.), Methodological developments in ethnography (Stud-ies in educational ethnography; pp. 207-212). New York: Elsevier.

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Glowacki-Dudka, M., Treff, M., & Usman, I. (2005). Research for Social Change: Using Autoethnography to Foster Transformative Learning. Adult Learning, 16(3/4), 30-31.

Mezirow, J. (1991). Transformative dimensions of adult learning. San Francisco: Jossey Bass.

Muncey, T, (2010). Creating Autoethnographies. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications Ltd.

Spitzberg, B. & Changnon, G. (2009). Conceptualizing intercultural competence. In D. Deardorff (Ed), The Sage Handbook of Intercultural Competence (pp. 2-52). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications Ltd.

Taylor E. (1994). Intercultural competency: A trans-formative learning process. Adult Education Quar-terly, 44(3), 154-174.

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