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Issue 42 | September 2015 | 4 Pages | For free circulation only

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Tabitha Dolores Nunes (Parra, India)

Tabitha is a psychologist from Parra – Goa. Currently working as Co-ordinator and Counsellor at DempoKids Miramar also engages guest lectures on psychology at

St. Xavier's College Mapusa.

THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGEFrom the Editor

Greetings Dear Readers!

Welcome to another issue of Femnet. As we had mentioned two issues ago, our focus this moth would be on health. Most of us tend to equate health with being physical ly f i t whi le forgetting the importance of mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Thank you Helen, for reminding us about the importance of seeking those few moments of solitude and centering ourselves before we take on the world and Veena, for encouraging us that it is never too late to get onto the fitness train. Each of our contributors to this month's issue have shared their stories on these different aspects of well-being, which we hope, will inspire our readers to take time out to invest in the wealthiest asset they possess – their complete well-being from the inside out.

Last but not the least, I would like to remind all of you that we celebrate October as the Joy of Giving Month - All of us can tell of instances of when we have given to others but what about those moments of grace when we have received? We look forward to having you all share with us those instances when you've received something that brought you true joy. It can be a long article or a couple of sentences about receiving a bottle of water from a random stranger on a hot day, an unexpected compliment, or an unexpected hug from your little ones. We hope that the October issue can have contributions from all of our readers. Help us reach the goal !

Choose Healthy! Stay Healthy!

For The Editorial Team

H a v e y o u e v e r h a d a

conversa-t i o n w i t h

s o m e o n e where you felt that the person was saying one thing but actually meant something else? It was as if their mouth was saying one thing and their bodies were saying another. This is the body's way of communicating without using verbal speech.

Body language refers to the outward re f l ec t ion o f a person's emotional or mental c o n d i t i o n . E a c h b o d y movement and gesture has a rhythm and meaning and conveys heaps of information about the individual. Body language although a silent language, is powerful in understanding individuals, simply because the body does not know how to lie.

In his book 'What Every Body Is Saying', John Navarro says that the human body is like a billboard that transmits or advertises what a person is thinking via gestures, facial expressions and physical movements that one can interpret. Thus the language of the body not only supplements what we say but usually dominates our conversation with small gestures, eye movements, facial expressions and postural changes.

Being observant and sensitive to a person's body language goes a long way when it comes to understanding behaviour. For example a slouch can suggest lack of interest or enthusiasm. Standing straight

The Power of Body Language

Fit and Fabulous Seniors

Home is Where the Heart Is

Paging Dr. Heimlich Please!

Inner Happiness

What were Women doing in the History of Mankind

Seventy Times Six

INDEX

with your weight balanced on each foot makes a person look relaxed and confident. People whose arms are folded and whose legs are crossed with their body turned away, signal tha t they a re re jec t ing messages. People with open hands, fully facing you are accepting messages.

Psychologists state that more than half of the impact of a conversation depends on nonverbal communication or body language. This means that what you say isn't as important as how you say it. Using body language correctly a n d e f f i c i e n t l y i s v e r y important for making the right impression.

Here are some tips to improve body language.

Eye contact- the amount of eye contact that you maintain should be comfortable to others. Staring for too long or avoiding eye contact can either m a k e p e o p l e v e r y u n -comfortable or lead them to believe you are bored, uneasy or uninterested.

Posture- Having the right posture reflects the state of mind. Leaning forward while listening and standing straight during a conversation conveys

positive body language.

Head movement- Head movement is an indication of rapport, some positive signs include nodding at appropriate intervals and tilting the head slightly while listening to someone.

Shaking Hands- When shaking hands with someone apply as much pressure as the o t h e r p e r s o n e x e r t s . Squeezing too hard or holding the other person's hand limply is not advisable.

G e s t u r e s - Tr y t o b e conscious of what gestures you use at different times or in different situations. Keep your palms up to suggest honesty and avoid pointing. One should avoid too many gestures as it is possible to be expressive without overdoing it.

Edward T Hall rightly , ' learned to depend more on what people do than what they say in response to a d i rec t que s t i on : t o pay c l o s e attention to that which cannot be consciously manipulated, and to look for patterns rather than content' . If we do the same, we will uncover a whole new interesting and exciting world of words, meanings and ways to communicate.

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Veena Gomes-Patwardhan (Mumbai, India)

Veena is a Mumbai-based writer, copywriter, copy editor, and science journalist. Her work has appeared in national and international publications and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul. On her website

www.veenapatwardhan.com she blogs about 'Goan Mandos', 'Great Goans', and 'Active Senior Years'.

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HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

Helen Sayers (Oman)

also to the passing traveller. In the nearby towns, their homes have much in common with their tents – simply constructed bungalows, spacious and airy living rooms with low seating and cushions against the walls, waiting to welcome a visitor! There is often an extra room for two or three sheep – they're part of the family! Their love of the wilderness, the stars, the sounds of the desert, draws them back again and again to the dunes for a long weekend, or for a short break from the noise and speed of the modern life.

It was in Oman that I first experienced a night in the desert … it was unforgettable. The stars were countless and incredibly bright; and the silence was intense, almost tangible, broken only by the comforting sound of a nearby camel munching dry grass. I felt a sense of deep peace, of being at one with myself and my surroundings, and the happiness of feeling “like a room without a roof”!

I cannot go often to the desert, but when I feel at home with myself, then no matter where I may be, I feel at peace, no fears or

worries, strong, happy, confident and giving, ready to welcome others into my life. When I'm not at home with myself, I feel like a stranger – out of place even in the most hospitable of surroundings –like a homeless person, a refugee without roots, a child living alone on the streets.

Our inner home is always there … a safe base from which to travel the world – in our dreams or in reality – and to invite others to join us on the journey.

First, I need to find the key to my inner home, my heart – to be able to offer myself a warm welcome, with 'a cup of mint tea and a cushion on the floor'… To find that quiet space – a room within my heart – and breathe silence into every corner, sweeping away the dust of negativity, the dark corners of anger and despair, and replacing them with renewed energy and meaning.

I then flood the room with Light, and I'm ready to greet myself, and others. Welcome home!

The tortoise is a lucky animal. Whenever the going gets tough it can retreat into its portable home and stay calm and safe, until ready to greet the world once more.

I have great admiration and respect for the nomadic people of the desert – how uncluttered their lives must be that their entire home and possessions can be packed up within hours onto the back of a camel, ready to be set up again once more in another place, that becomes another home. They are not dependant on four walls for a sense of security and comfort.

A few years ago I visited Mauritania and had the privilege to meet Berber, Bedouin and Taureg people. They were proud and dignified, resilient and wise. I drank the delicious sweet mint tea they offered with traditional hospitality, and felt “chez moi” – at home with them … part of their extended family.

Their tents, with no fixed sides or surrounding barriers, are open not only to the desert breeze of the Sahara, but

FIT AND FABULOUS SENIORS

surgeries.

Experts say, in general, even moderate-intensity exercises performed regularly could make a huge difference to the quality of your life. You don't need to pound a treadmill till you're gasping for breath. Even half an hour of brisk walking five days a week could make you feel younger, increase your endurance and flexibility, and reduce the risk of falls.

So if you're 60+, don't just take leisurely strolls around a nana-nani or seniors park to stay fit. If you've never exercised regularly before, start with 5-6 minutes of stretching exercises daily, then step it up from there. Is mobility a problem? You could perform fitness exercises seated in a chair. It's never too late for anyone to reap the physical and mental benefits of exercising.

Today, there are seniors running in marathon races; others find it difficult to get out of bed. Whom do you want to be like? Active seniors motivate me to get off my butt, and get moving. I admit Paddy Jones has the moves. I don't. But know what? I just might sign up for a salsa class myself. Now what about you?

"Have you ever p layed go l f ?"

Wayne asked me.

The moment I said "No", his wife Lori butted in,

beaming with excitement. "Wayne, let's all go to the mini-golf course tomorrow morning."

"Exactly what I was thinking, honey," Wayne replied, not a trace of fatigue on his face or in his voice.

We were dining out in Virginia, Minnesota. Wayne had just made the two hour drive back from Duluth after a hectic sightseeing spree.

What was so unusual about all this? Well, Wayne and Lori are in their late eighties, parents of my American pen friend Connie whom I visited recently. The full-of-zest-for-life couple had sometimes seemed a bit shaky on their feet as they golfed the next morning; but they putted their way through all 18 holes and even hit three hole-in-one shots each!

As a 'young' senior, I found myself th ink ing: I want to be f i t and independent and live life to the fullest for

as long as I live, just like Wayne and Lori. I want to have a positive attitude to aging and be physically active all through my senior years, just like them.

A few months later, similar thoughts flashed through my mind while watching an amazing youtube video of the audition round of the 8th series of Britain's Got Talent. It featured an incredibly acrobatic 79-year old Paddy Jones shaking a leg with her much younger partner. Want to watch the scintillating salsa performance of this groovy dancing granny? Check out this link and watch it with your heart in y o u r m o u t h , l i k e I d i d : h t t p s : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / watch?v=O2LMxf3Df6I. The spunky senior even went on to spin and twirl her way to the finals.

My other sources of inspiration include the late B. K. S. Iyengar, the celebrated yoga guru who could perform a headstand even in his nineties, my favourite Hollywood star Robert Redford (78 years) who keeps in shape through horse riding, skiing, and playing tennis, and fitness queen Jane Fonda (77 years) who has been motivating women to be strong and fit for decades, and who still works out despite undergoing replacement and back

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Patricia J. Pereira-Sethi (Goa, India)

Patricia is an award-winning journalist who worked for two decades for Newsweek magazine in New York. She has interviewed more than 45 heads of state during her career and has authored the biography of industrialist Ramesh

J. Chauhan of Parle-Bisleri. Sethi currently lives in Goa.

the FBAO (foreign body airway obstruction). If such blows failed, rescuers were told to proceed with the Heimlich maneuver. After 2005, the word Heimlich was dropped from the guidelines to be replaced by “abdominal thrusts”. Allegations of fraudulent data had surfaced with a colleague of Heimlich portraying himself as the uncredited co-developer of the maneuver. The National Institute of Health and the National Science Council still retain the use of the word Heimlich in their choke-rescue rules. And American soldiers recently videoed t ra i n i ng the i r coun te rpa r t s i n Afghanistan referred to it as the Heimlich maneuver.

Per forming abdomina l thrus ts , synonymous with the Heimlich, involves a rescuer standing behind a patient and using the hands to exert pressure on the bottom of the diaphragm. This compresses the lungs and applies force to any object lodged in the trachea, expelling it through an artificial cough. Due to the vigorous nature of the procedure, bruising is possible, even a rib fracture. But I believe that if you asked Ruth Pearson today whether she would choose life over a possible rib fracture or bruising, she would opt for life.

***

When I learned t h a t t h e journalist Praful

Bidwai died in Amsterdam after

choking on a piece of meat in a local restaurant, I realized how important it is for everyone to learn the Heimlich maneuver.

At a luncheon given by Under Secretary General Yasushi Akashi for a group of correspondents at the United Nations in New York several years ago, I recall how we looked on in horror as Ruth Pearson of Business Week began to choke on a fragment of fish, turned red, then blue, and slowly slipped under the table. The Tass correspondent attempted to dislodge the object by banging her on her back, while I screamed out for someone to administer the Heimlich maneuver. But al l present were paralyzed, as if riveted to their seats.

I had read about the procedure but never practiced it. There was no time to lose, however. I strode over to where Ruth was, pulled her up by the waist with my left hand, then made a fist with the right and shoved it in below her rib cage. I thrust inwards and then upwards. Ruth coughed out the particle immediately and everyone breathed easy. Japan's Akashi put on a brave front when he commented with a nervous laugh that

he wasn't aware that the Newsweek reporter “had so many hidden talents hidden up her sleeve.” But he informed the editors about the episode, which in turn prompted a flurry of congratulatory calls and messages.

Ruth herself was eloquent and droll, befitting her low-keyed personality. She sent me a bouquet of flowers with a handwritten note: “Patricia, I've heard that there's a custom somewhere that more or less says that, if a person saves your life, you owe your life to that person forever. OK. It was quite fantastic of you to have done what you did. So thanks. Ruth “

Fortunately I have not been confronted with the need to repeat the act again. But I am appalled that so few of my friends are aware of the move, which is simple and straightforward and could save lives in a harrowing situation.

The technique was initially credited to Henry Judah Heimlich, an American thoracic surgeon who initially detailed the procedure in 1974. After a Seattle newspaper reported that the owner of a loca l eatery used the procedure successfully to save a choking victim, guidelines fixed by the American Heart Association (AHA) and the American Red Cross (ARC) directed rescuers to first perform a series of back blows to remove

PAGING DR. HEIMLICH PLEASE…..

Author unknown: Submitted by Freda Vaz (Mapusa, Goa)

in excess is generosity, then how would we describe what that madman did? 'Selfless love'

It is what intellectuals talk about and madmen practice.

Happiness comes from spiritual wealth,

not material wealth...

Happiness comes from giving, not getting.

If we try hard to bring happiness to others,

we cannot stop it from coming to us also.

To get joy, we must give it and

to keep joy, we must scatter it.

- John Templeton

I live in Indore, in India's heartland. On our way back from an adjacent town, my friend and I stopped at a highway dhaba (food stall). Placing our order, we stretched ourselves out on the cane chairs. A motley group of people occupied other tables. As we glanced around desultorily, a ragged man sauntered in and sat down. He poured himself a glass of water from the steel jug. He drank two whole glasses, but ordered no food, nor did the dhaba boys ask him. When our tea and samosas arrived, he looked at the food, filled his glass again and drank it. We saw no greed in his eyes, but it was an easy guess, that the guy was hungry and had no money.

The dhaba boy told us, Oh! That madman comes in everyday. If he has money, he eats something; otherwise he just drinks a few glasses of water and

leaves. My boss said that since water has been given to us by the Lord, we must never stop anyone drinking it at our dhaba'!

This logic really touched me. I asked the boy to serve the man a plate of samosas. When he did so, the man looked at him. The boy pointed to us. The man looked at us but made no acknowledgement. As he picked up the first samosa, a little girl in rags walked up and just stood there. He gave her the samosa, which she wolfed down. He picked up the second one and handed that to her, too. She grabbed it and ran away. He pushed away his empty plate, filled up his glass again, drank the water and walked away from the dhaba without a backward glance.

I asked myself if I were capable of a gesture like that. The most I could muster was: I HOPE SO'. If sharing what we have

INNER HAPPINESSA touching incident with a worthy lesson

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SEVENTY TIMES SIX…!

Marietta Pereira (Mumbai, India)

Marietta is a trained teacher turned amateur wordsmith resides in Mumbai with her husband and two teenage sons. Her teaching career spanning over a period of six years in three different schools ended when she tied the knot. Marietta is presently pursuing an online writing programme while volunteering as lector in her parish and

serving on the editorial team of the parish bulletin. She has published the odd article over the years.

an injured foot. “You should have at least given me that missed call”, I said.

“My phone was out of order”, she nonchalantly responded.

“Why don't you use your husband's phone?” I said.

“The numbers are all saved in my phone.” I turned away exasperated, and for some reason my resolve to throw her out petered down to a major pay cut.

An uneasy calm descended over the next few days until she broke the ice with small talk which eventually led to a heart-to-heart on her son's impending board exams. I found that she too experienced doubts and fears. Déjà vu. Didn't I spend a few sleepless nights storming heaven…?

A few days into the exams, I received a frantic call from her. “My son has misplaced his hall ticket.”

Luckily he was allowed to answer the paper on the basis of the xerox copy.

She absented herself again the next day. I called her. “Mummy has gone to school to look into the matter of the missing hall

ticket,” said her daughter.

“Will she come to work?” I asked.

“I don't know… She will not come,” was the reply.

In the background a teetering pile of dishes seem to mock my helplessness. I am enraged because yet again she had failed to turn up or inform me of her absence. Could I take her to task in her present predicament?

I am one confused “Aunty”. I am always threatening her with dire consequences like a replacement or major pay cuts. On payday my heart of stone turns to putty and she has the last laugh. I can rant, rave and threaten all I want but a few missed calls will always be missing and my stony heart will always magically turn to one of gold. And we're back to square one.

I must confess that my patience began to wear out and my heart began to turn to stone. Leaving on her annual vacation three days before schedule, minus any prior intimation was the last straw.

Presently there is a new maid in my life! Will the honeymoon last?

A m a i d i s a n integral part of any

self respecting Indian household. She serves a

purpose and need that no gadget can ever fulfill. Your day is either made or unmade by your maid.

My pet peeve was that my maid neglected to inform me of her impending absence. She owns a cell phone and so do I. I had requested her to at least give me a missed call. I would return the call and hear her familiar, “I will not come to work today.” She deigned to give me that missed call. I must add that still the missed call was as often missed as she was from work.

One Thursday, as the clock ticked on, there was no sign of my maid. Thursday gave way to Friday and then it was Saturday. I made a stern resolve to throw her out the next time she showed up. Then I found the missing lady pottering around the house, business as usual when I returned from Sunday morning mass.

“How could you do this to me?” Three whole days have passed and not a whisper.” She muttered something about

WHAT WERE WOMEN DOING IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND?

Jagriti Shankar (Goa, India)

Jagriti is a gender specialist based in Goa. She works towards raising awareness on the social and gender issues. She earned her postgraduate degree in Gender and Development Studies, from Asian Institute of Technology, Thailand. She can be contacted at

Jagriti.shankar@gmail.com.

spend a little more time for history lesson and go through it several times, you will understand the chronology of events and it will become easier to remember”.

“Why is it important to learn it? Those people are dead, and times have changed, what is the use of learning about them now?”, she argued back.

This was my chance to exhibit some intelligence that I had recently gained from Google Guru. I said proudly, “Look, if you do not learn history, how will you know about our glorious past? About the lives of our forefathers? How will you know about the great freedom struggle of our country and about our heroes? How will you know how our nation was built? How our lives are shaped this way today and why, the roots are to be found in the history. To know the answers to all of these, you need to dig into history books. By not studying history you are depriving yourself of important knowledge”.

I paused to check the impact of my lecture.

She didn't reply for sometime. Clueless about what she was thinking and whether she agreed to my reason on the importance of learning history, I asked, “do you agree

with me?”

“Yes, to some extent, I will do the homework, but can I ask you something?”

I took a sigh of relief that the history teacher would not send a complaining note. But what was she up to? I looked at her cautiously.

She said, “Our history book is full of stories of the lives of great men. There is valor of great freedom fighters. There are many of them. But Mommy, what were women doing during all that time? Did women contribute in our civilization and the long past? Where were women when the great freedom struggle was being fought? Did only three-four women mentioned in the text-bookparticipate in the freedom struggle? Is there any different history book for women's history?

The question left me puzzled.

After a while I said, “No Darling, there were many brave and courageous women throughout our history who shaped our civilization and fought the freedom struggle. But somehow we forgot to mention them in the text-book.”

***

“Have you completed your homework?” I did a routine check with my 13 year old.

“Not yet', she replied.

“Why? What is left? It is Sunday evening and you have not completed your homework. Don't you have school tomorrow morning?” I argued.

“Only history homework is left, and I'm not gonna do it”, she declared.

On some hectic day this answer could really annoy me, but we had a nice family time during the holiday and I didn't want to spoil moods. Keeping myself cool I said,“Why darling? Complete your homework. Come on, do it now”.

“It is difficult, it is hard to remember so many events, who did what, etc., and it is boring”, she counted as many reasons of not doing homework as she could.

“If you don't like history, don't take this subject in your A levels, but study it now”, I said. I thought it would solve the problem.

“But it is difficult to memorize all those places, dates and years. And it is not important”, she continued protesting.

“Well!”, I softened my voice. “If you will