interrupting and dismantling racism - dr. kathy obear · interrupting and dismantling racism: our...
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Interrupting and Dismantling Racism: Our Role and Responsibility as White Allies to
Create Racial Justice
with Dr. Kathy Obear
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 2
Interrupting and Dismantling Racism:
Our Role and Responsibility as White Allies to Create
Racial Justice
Kathy Obear, Ed.D, Center for Transformation & Change www.drkathyobear.com
Complimentary copies of my books and additional resources:
Turn the Tide: Rise Above Toxic, Difficult Situations in the Workplace: www.drkathyobear.com/book-‐pdf www.drkathyobear.com/book-‐worksheets
www.drkathyobear.com/book-‐gift (animated video and outline for a Lunch & Learn)
…But I’m NOT Racist! Tools for Well-‐Meaning Whites www.drkathyobear.com/imnotracist
www.drkathyobear.com/racebook (supplemental resources, including Book Club Guide)
In It For The Long Haul: Overcoming Burnout and Passion Fatigue as Social Justice
Change Agents www.drkathyobear.com/selfcarebook www.drkathyobear.com/selfcare
Learning Outcomes
• Increase your self-‐awareness and knowledge about the dynamics of race and
racism at your organization.
• Examine the far-‐reaching impact of racist dynamics on individuals as well as on
organizational goals.
• Deepen your capacity to recognize and interrupt racist attitudes and behaviors
that occur all around us, every day.
• Gain insight on how you can build a larger community of white allies to shift the
climate and culture of your organization.
• Explore practical, proven tools and skills to interrupt racist dynamics and revise
policies and practices with a Race Lens.
• Challenge yourself to take an honest look within so you can think, work, and
interact more effectively – across and within racialized identities.
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 3
Examine Your Socialization Experiences
1. How do you identify racially?
2. Describe the racial demographics of your neighborhood, school, family, social groups...
3. When do you remember being told there were different races? What were you told?
4. What were some of the prevailing messages and images of whites and people of color as you
were growing up?
5. Were there times that you didn't believe that race and racism really existed or mattered very
much?
6. What were your experiences interacting (or not) with people of different racialized groups?
7. Share some early experiences when you realized people were categorized by race and skin
color.
8. How were people of your race and other racialized groups treated? Depicted? Talked about?
9. What various roles and responsibilities did people of different races have? Were shown to
have?
10. When did you realize you were treated differently based on your race/skin color?
11. Share some significant moments or turning points that shaped you as a _________ (how you
identify racially?)
12. Share a time you witnessed racist actions/comments. How did you feel? What did you do?
13. What are 1-‐2 ideas or assumptions/biases you used to have about another racial group; what
happened to help you shift towards greater understanding, accuracy, or acceptance?
14. Talk about a time, you now realize, that your actions/comments were exclusionary and fueled
by racial stereotypes?
15. Talk about a time you spoke up and responded when you noticed racist comments or
behaviors or interrupted white privilege.
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 4
Authentic Dialogue Prompts: Building Community Among White Allies
Directions ~ With your partner, share and relate to each other as you discuss:
1. Share an example of a time you spoke up and effectively engaged someone whose comment
or behavior was biased or misinformed: How did you feel? What did you do/say?
2. When are you at your best as an ally or change agent?
3. What are some of your fears as you engage issues of race and racism?
4. What biases or stereotypes do you still notice within yourself?
5. When and where do you get stuck? How do you feel when you are stuck and less effective?
6. What would feel supportive from colleagues? To help you continue to grow and develop
skills?
7. When have you:
a. Felt fear when interacting with people of color?
b. Felt fear when interacting with whites?
c. Felt guilt or shame?
d. Felt anger towards people of color?
e. Felt anger towards whites?
8. What are 5+ ways you see people benefiting from white privilege?
9. What are some examples of how whites have intentionally used white privilege to help
dismantle racism?
10. When have you seen others use white privilege to gain an unfair advantage or greater access?
11. What racist thoughts do you still have?
12. What are 1-‐2 examples (over the past 1-‐2 years) when you have acted based on some racial
stereotypes or racist thoughts?
13. When do you remember realizing that whites believed they were superior to people of color,
people who were biracial/multiracial? (smarter, more organized, better leaders, more
competent, etc.)
14. When do you remember realizing that you believed whites were superior to people of color,
people who were biracial/multiracial? (smarter, more organized, better leaders, more
competent, etc.)
Developed By: Kathy Obear, [email protected] www.drkathyobear.com
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 5
Observing/Panning Group Dynamics with a Race/Inclusion Lens
Use the following prompts as you use a Race/Inclusion Lens to observe and observe/pan group
dynamics. Identify “just the facts” and the actual details of the situation without any
assumptions, interpretations, judgments, or conclusions.
1. What differences are present in the group? Which group memberships? and how many from
various groups?
2. Who is talking?
3. Who is quiet? Doesn’t speak as often as others?
4. How are people reacting nonverbally?
5. Who initiates the topics?
6. What ideas are brought up? By whom?
7. Whose ideas get considered? Whose ideas don’t get much discussion?
8. Whose ideas are discounted? Or “plop” without comment?
9. How do decisions get made?
10. Who interrupts others? Who gets interrupted? Who is never interrupted?
11. How and when do the tone and energy of the conversation shift and change?
12. How much air-‐time do people take?
13. Who has changed their way of engaging recently?
14. Who do people look at when they are talking?
15. Who has eye contact with whom while others are talking?
16. Who engages in side conversations?
17. Who brings up issues of respect and inclusion?
18. How do people respond when different issues of inclusion are raised?
19. What issues of inclusion and respect are not being brought up or discussed?
20. As you notice interpersonal dynamics that are not inclusive, who intervenes to shift the
dynamics? Who doesn’t?
21. As you observe exclusionary comments and actions, wonder: Is this an isolated incident or a
possible common pattern of experience?
22.
23.
Adapted from materials developed by Elsie Y. Cross Associates, Inc.
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 6
Unproductive Classroom & Meeting Behaviors
a. In the 1st column, check-‐off any unproductive behaviors which you have observed in
meetings, classrooms, or workshops.
b. Then in the 3rd column, check-‐off any of these behaviors that you have ever done.
c. Choose 5-‐10 behaviors and in the 4th column, make some notes about the probable impact
when these occur, especially if no one interrupts or addresses them.
Others
do this Unproductive behaviors, when someone:
I’ve done
this
Probable impact,
especially if
unaddressed
1. Makes inappropriate comments or “jokes”
2. Belittles the input or comments of others
3. Minimizes or rationalizes away the frustrations
and comments of group members
4. Interrupts or talks over others
5. Engages in side conversations
6. Dominates the conversation
7. Makes snide or sarcastic comments
8. Only interacts and makes eye contact with
people like them; people they like
9. Gives unsolicited “advice;” tell someone how
they should have felt or responded differently
10. Dismisses or ignores the input of others
11. Disregards feedback from group members
12. Laughs at or makes fun of other group
members
13. Treats peers with disrespect
14. Gives someone the “silent treatment” or “cold
shoulder”
15. Uses a negative, judgmental tone
16. Uses an overly aggressive or forceful style
17. Refuses to participate in the discussion or the
activity
18. Is silent, shut down or withdrawn
19. Challenges the validity of the information
being presented to serve a personal agenda
20. Questions the usefulness of an activity or a
discussion to serve a personal agenda
21. Gives excuses or PLEs (Perfectly Logical
Explanations) for disrespectful comments and
behaviors
22. Raises their voice to try to silence others
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© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 7
23. Emphasizes “good intent” and does not also
listen to the impact of actions
24. Makes negative stereotypic comments about
others or self
25. Tells others they are “too sensitive”
26. Repeats or rewords what members with lower
status have just said
27. “Hears” and acknowledges ideas only if they
come from members with higher group status
28. Does not engage or “hear” comments from
members with lower group status
29. Judges or dismisses input from members of
lower status groups if they express anger or
frustration
30. Only asks members of lower status groups to
repeat what they have just said
31. When confronted, frames the situation as an
“attack”
32. Go to lunch or socializes only with certain
group members
33. Acknowledges and praises only certain group
members
34. Rolls their eyes or makes other negative
nonverbal behaviors when others are talking
35. Chastises others publically
34. Critiques and questions only the ideas and
materials presented by lower status members
35. Bullies other group members
36. Has a patronizing or condescending manner
37. Derails the planned format and agenda to
serve a personal agenda
38. Criticizes the personal character of group
members
39. Takes credit for the work or ideas of others
40.
41.
42.
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 8
“Microaggressions are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults,
whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative
messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.” Blog by Dr.
Derald W. Sue, Microaggressions: More than Just Race -‐ Can microaggressions be directed at women or gay
people? Published on November 17, 2010 http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/microaggressions-‐in-‐
everyday-‐life/201011/microaggressions-‐more-‐just-‐race
“Racial microaggressions are the brief and everyday slights, insults, indignities and denigrating
messages sent to people of color by well-‐intentioned white people who are unaware of the hidden
messages being communicated.”
Published on October 5, 2010 by Derald Wing Sue, Ph.D. in Microaggressions in Everyday Life
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/microaggressions-‐in-‐everyday-‐life/201010/racial-‐microaggressions-‐in-‐
everyday-‐life
Microaggressions: Characteristics
o Every day actions that occur all around us
o By people who believe they are fair-‐minded, without prejudice
o Possibly, without any conscious intent or malice
o Usually unaware of how their comment, tone, or behavior negatively impact others across
group membership
o May be considered “no big deal”
o Few recognize the cumulative, enduring impact of constant barrage of microaggressions
o Some may not even recognize they experienced a microaggression until later
Potential impact and emotional toll on members of marginalized groups
o Uncertainty – never knowing when they will experience another microaggression
o Constantly vigilant, always tracking their surroundings
o Self-‐doubt ~ given the ambiguous nature of some situations, some might obsess over
questions like, “Am I over-‐reacting? Being too sensitive? Misinterpreting what just happened?
Just being paranoid?”
o If they bring it up to the member of the privileged group, often met with denial,
defensiveness; fear that this could hurt their relationship, career path
o Left feeling “I don't belong, I can’t be successful here”
o May change their behavior in hopes that this may lessen their experiences of
microaggressions; may come across as overly friendly, helpful, passive, soft-‐spoken,
ingratiating….
o Feel pressure to “act right” or their actions could be used to reinforce stereotypes about their
marginalized group; carry the group on their shoulders
o Damages the respect they may have for members of privileged groups; may not use them as
resources in the future
o Often invest time and energy trying to diagnose what happened, manage the impact and
feelings, decide if and how to respond
o If choose to “let it go,” may judge self as colluding; feel guilty for not stepping up
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 9
Common Racial Microaggressions and Racist Dynamics on College
Campuses 1. Over time, you have notice that most students do not greet or interact with the only
Arab student in the study group.
2. You notice the students who get talked over or ignored most frequently in discussions
are the few Latinx and Black students.
3. You hear some students making fun of how an international student of color
pronounces some words in English.
4. A white woman clutches her purse as a dark-‐skinned man gets on an elevator.
5. A biracial student has endured dismissive, uninclusive comments from a couple of
classmates for the 1st 3 weeks of the semester. When she finally decides to discuss the
racist class dynamics with the professor, the faculty member says, “You probably
misunderstood them. I’ve had them in class before. They are really good students.”
6. White students frequently comment to a Korean American student, “You speak English
so well. Where are you from?” And when she answers, “New York,” she is then asked,
“No, where are you really from?”
7. A manager of color is working on the weekend in jeans and a t-‐shirt and is assumed to
be a maintenance worker.
8. You notice that some white students seem to react negatively when they see a
Palestinian woman wearing a veil/hijab on campus.
9. If more than 3 men of color are standing around, people assume they are “in a gang.”
10. Students who are Black or Latinx often have to show 1-‐2 forms of ID to use a
computer lab, while white students are not asked to show any.
11. An Asian American friend of yours is talking to some white students in the hall about a
racist situation that happened on campus. One of the white students says, “Why do you
have to make everything about race? They were probably just having a bad day…”
12. Students seem to give respect to white faculty members, but often complain about,
question, and challenge faculty of color.
13. Whites appear nervous and uncomfortable as they talk with students of color.
14. You overhear a professor “complimenting” an African American woman, “You’re very
articulate!”
15. When someone points out the racist comment a student just made, their 1st reaction
is, “I’m not racist. I was just kidding. I didn’t mean it.”
16. A Native American student tries to talk to their academic advisor about the complete
absence of discussion of Native and Indigenous peoples in their social science courses.
The advisor appears confused and abruptly shifts the conversation to talk about the
remaining degree requirements for graduation.
17. Introducing the white presenter as Dr. __, and the presenter of color with a doctorate
as Ms. or Mr. __.
18. A Latina was made fun of for the way she spoke and how she pronounced some
words. Someone asked, “How did you even get into this school?”
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© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 10
19. You overhear a white student say, “I don’t want any international students in
our study group; they have nothing to offer.” Another white student added, “Well, some
of the Black students are just as bad.”
20. A Latinx student told their white male faculty they couldn’t afford to purchase a
textbook and asked if the faculty member could lend him a book. Faculty member said,
“If you can’t afford the book maybe you shouldn’t be in the class.”
21. On the 1st day of class, white students, upon seeing two people in the hall before
class, a white man and a black woman, walked up to the white man and asked him if class
would be starting soon. The woman of color is the professor; the white man is the
graduate assistant.
22. In a group meeting, an Asian American woman confronts a white male student and he
turns and mutters, “What a B____!”
23. You overhear a student saying to a woman of color, “You should straighten your hair.
You’d be much more attractive.”
24. A young black man has been pulled over or stopped by police 21 times in his 1st three
years of college.
25. Someone vandalized a poster promoting a rally to support DACA students: “Build a
Wall! Go back to Mexico!”
26. People who are about to walk past a darker skinned man of color check to make sure
their wallet is deep in their pocket.
27. Two Asian American students, who look nothing alike, work in the same office. They
are often called by each other’s name by some of the staff.
28. Two Pakistani students are leaving a local restaurant when they hear racist and
Islamic slurs yelled at them from white men driving by.
28. You overhear a white muttering a comment about a black manager: “They got that
promotion because of their race!”
29. Bookstore clerks follow around customers of color while white customers are eagerly
greeted and asked if they need any help.
30. A workshop is facilitated by a white woman and a woman of color. Every time the
facilitator of color gives directions for an activity, someone always asks her to repeat
what she just said or fails to follow her directions. In the full day session, no one ever asks
the white facilitator to repeat anything she said nor fails to follow her directions.
31.
32.
33.
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© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 11
Common Racist Behaviors and Attitudes of Many Whites
Directions: review these common group dynamics: a. Check-‐off any dynamics which you have observed or heard a credible story about.
b. Make a note next to the dynamics that you have personally experienced, felt, or done.
c. Add any additional common patterns/dynamics you have witnessed or experienced.
Some/Many Whites Tend to (consciously and unconsciously):
1. believe they have “earned” what they have, rather than acknowledge the extensive white
privilege and unearned advantages they receive; believe that if people of color just worked
harder…
2. not notice the daily indignities that people of color experience; deny them and rationalize them
away with PLEs (perfectly logical explanations)
3. work to maintain the status quo and protect the advantages and privileges they receive
4. believe that white cultural norms, practices and values are superior and better
5. internalize the negative stereotypes about people of color and believe that whites are smarter
and superior to people of color
6. want people of color to conform and assimilate to white cultural norms and practices
7. accept and feel safer around people of color who have assimilated and are “closer to white”
8. blame people of color for the barriers and challenges they experience; believe that if they
“worked harder” they could “pull themselves up by their bootstraps”
9. believe that people of color are not competent and are only hired/promoted to fill quotas
10. interrupt and talk over people of color
11. resent taking direction from a person of color
12. dismiss and minimize frustrations of people of color and categorize the person raising issues as
militant, angry, having an “attitude,” working their agenda, not a team player...
13. focus on their “good intent” as whites, rather than on the negative impact of their behavior
14. focus on how much progress we have made, rather than on how much more needs to change
15. want people of color to “get over it” and move on quickly
16. get defensive when people of color express their frustrations with current organizational and
societal dynamics
17. “walk on eggshells” and act more distant and formal with people of color
18. segregate themselves from people of color and rarely develop authentic relationships across
race
19. exaggerate the level of intimacy they have with individual people of color
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© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 12
20. fear that they will be seen and “found out” as a racist, having racial prejudice
21. focus on themselves as an individual (I’m not racist; I’m a good white), and refuse to
acknowledge the cultural and institutional racism people of color experience daily
22. pressure and punish whites who actively work to dismantle racism to conform and collude with
white racism; criticize, gossip about, and find fault with white change agents
23. expect people of color to be the “diversity expert” and take the lead in raising and addressing
racism as their “second (unpaid) job”
24. minimize, under-‐value, ignore, overlook and discount the talents, competencies and
contributions of people of color
25. rephrase and reword the comments of people of color
26. ask people of color to repeat what they have just said
27. assume the white teacher/coach/facilitator/employee, etc., is in charge/the leader; assume
people of color are in service roles
28. rationalize away racist treatment of people of color as individual incidents or the result of
something the person of color did/failed to do
29. dismiss the racist experiences of people of color with comments such as: That happens to me
too...You’re too sensitive...That happened because of _____, it has nothing to do with race!
30. judge a person of color as over-‐reacting and too emotional when they are responding to the
cumulative impact of multiple recent racist incidents
31. accuse people of color of “playing the race card” whenever they challenge racist policies and
practices; instead of exploring the probability of negative differential impact based on race, or
that racist attitudes and beliefs are operating
32. if confronted by a person of color, shut down and focus on what to avoid saying or doing in the
future, rather than engaging and learning from the interaction
33. look to people of color for direction, education, coaching on how to act & what not to do
34. compete with other whites to be “the good white:” the best ally, the one people of color let
into their circle, etc.
35. if a white person makes a racist comment or action, aggressively confront them and pile on the
feedback to distance from them and prove who is a better ally
36. seek approval, validation, and recognition from people of color
37. if confronted by a person of color, view it as an “attack” and focus on and critique HOW they
engaged me, not my original comments or behaviors
38. disengage if feel any anxiety or discomfort
39. avoid confronting other whites on their racist attitudes and behaviors
40. when trying to help people of color, feel angry if they don’t enthusiastically appreciate the help
41. believe there is one “right” way, meaning “my way” or the “white way”
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© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 13
More productive approaches:
42. track patterns of differential treatment of people of color and intervene to stop inappropriate
actions and educate others
43. continually learn more about the experiences of people of color and racism
44. recognize when people of color might be reacting out of cumulative impact, and offer space to
talk about issues and their experiences
45. analyze policies and practices to assess any differential impact on people of color and intervene
to create change
46. constantly track daily organizational activities to ensure fairness, respect, and inclusion for all
people with respect to group dynamics, communication, task assignments, professional
development opportunities, decision-‐making, conflict management, mentoring, networking,
etc.
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© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 14
Dig Into Your Roots: What’s Fueling Your Behavior?
When you notice or are confronted about your racist actions, ask yourself:
1. What were the racist biases fueling my actions or inactions?
2. When and how were these taught and reinforced around me?
3. If the person had been white, how might I have reacted? How have I treated whites in similar
situations?
4. When have I done or thought this before?
5. How can I interrupt this racist pattern in the future?
Interrupt & Shift Our Racist Internalized Dominance
When we notice we have a racist thought, we need to ask ourselves:
1. Is it true? Really true? (Adapted from Byron Katie, The Work)
2. What is my evidence that this is more true for people of color than whites?
3. When whites exhibit the same behavior, how do I make meaning of that?
4. Who does it serve for me to think this thought right now?
5. What is my pay-‐off for having and maintaining this racist thought?
To be more effective, more of the time:
Respond in ways that:
• Interrupt racist dynamics,
• Engage others to reflect on the impact and intentions of their racist actions,
• Educate why the comment, behavior or policy has a racist impact, and
• Build connections and relationships with whites for further dialogue, learning, and
organizational change
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
© The Center for Transformation and Change | Dr. Kathy Obear | All rights reserved. 15
What are Your Inclusion Values and Intentions?
• create greater inclusion
• leave people feeling whole
• engage in respectful dialogue
• do no harm
• “go with the flow;” trust the process
• deepen learning and growth
• meet the people “where they are”
without judgment
• use the triggering moment to deepen
understanding
• relate in, connect to the person
• create space for honest, authentic
dialogue; sharing of feelings, perceptions
• invite people to learn from the situation
• model the social justice behaviors you
espouse: authenticity, empathy, self-‐
reflection, engagement…
• deepen understanding across
differences
• identify deeper issues fueling feelings,
perceptions and behaviors
• create safety for the expression of
differing viewpoints
• treat others with respect and dignity
• encourage more people to engage in the
dialogue
• support people to disagree with each
other in respectful ways
• model effective recovery skills after
making an inappropriate comment or
when your behavior results in negative
impact
• identify inappropriate behaviors and
explore the negative impact
• interrupt unproductive, inappropriate
behaviors and group dynamics
• build a “bridge” and a connection with
the other person
• encourage identity development and
growth
• demonstrate compassion and empathy
Have You Ever Had These Less Productive Intentions?
• win the argument
• get even; get them back
• to be right; prove the other person
wrong
• to prove you are competent, smart
• assert your power and authority
• gain status and prestige; be admired
• be in control
• intimidate the other person
• “put them in their place,” shut them
down
• punish the other person
• embarrass or put down the other person
• make them feel the pain and hurt you
feel
• change the other person’s views,
feelings or behaviors
• to make people learn
• trick and “out fox” the other person
• avoid confrontation and conflict
• keep the conversation “under control”
• avoid intense emotions: in self and
others
• make everyone feel happy and
harmonious
• avoid feeling or being viewed as
“incompetent”
• control how others feel about you
• to be seen as a “good one,” an ally
• use the current opportunity to “right the
wrongs” you experienced in your past
• change the other person to account for
times you either didn’t or couldn’t
change oppressive people earlier in your
life
• ignore them
• seek approval of others
• to be liked, to fit in
16
Common Unproductive Reactions During Difficult,
Triggering Situations
Kathy Obear. Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
Fight Responses
• Aggressively argues and debates
• Raises their voice, yells
• Tries to silence others
• Tries to compete, win at any cost
• Interrupts
• Self-‐righteous, arrogant, or
condescending behaviors
• Controlling, manipulative
behaviors
• Intimidating, threatening
behaviors
• Forces change
• Aggressively attacks and berates
• Dismisses or minimizes the
comments of others
• Explodes and directs their feelings
onto others
• Sarcastic or off-‐handed remarks
• Belittling comments
• Intentionally tries to embarrass
others
• Criticizes or accuses with the
intent to humiliate and shame
• Bullies others into submission
• Turns their words against them
Flight responses
• Gets defensive
• Becomes overly guarded
• Withdraws
• Ignores or avoids issues
• Tries to smooth over conflict
• Placating to keep things under
control
• Minimizes, downplays the issues
or conflict
• Shuts down
• Disengages
• Uses humor and jokes to distract
and smooth things over
• Quickly changes the subject
• Pretends to agree to avoid conflict
• Uses crying to distract and not
engage
Freeze responses
• Blanks out, forget what wanted to
say or do
• Zones out
• Feels frozen, like they can’t move
• Doesn’t respond or interrupt
exclusionary comments and
actions
• Overly anxious and scared
Flounder Responses
• Giving contradictory
comment/examples
• Stream of consciousness,
blabbering
• Can’t decide: maybe this or
maybe that
• Out of your body, still talking
• Tangents; way off topic
17
What Could You Do?
Directions: Choose 1-‐2 examples of microaggressions and exclusionary situations.
Write each one in the left-‐hand column. Then discuss and note how you could
ADDRESS the situation in the other column.
Consider as you discuss:
• What is the probable impact if no one speaks up in this situation?
• What could be the positive outcomes if someone does intervene and speak up?
• What could you do to ADDRESS* the situation?
o A = Acknowledge (that something occurred)
o D = Dialogue (with the person in the moment, afterwards)
o D = “Document” (tell someone; use the Bias Reporting System)
o R = Redirect (the conversation)
o E = Educate (the person)
o S = Stop (the exclusionary behavior)
o S = Support (the people impacted)
Microaggression, Exclusionary Situation WHAT COULD YOU DO?
* Developed by Naomi Sigg, Director of Office of Multicultural Affairs, Case Western University,
2015 [email protected]
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PAIRS: EFFECTIVE DIALOGUE SKILLS
P: PAN the environment and yourself; describe what you notice or engage others
based on what you see (Pay Attention Now)
§ I’m noticing I’m feeling...anyone else?
§ I noticed how quiet everyone got; I’m wondering what is going on for folks?
§ It seems some people were impacted by that statement, am I right?
§ I’m noticing you’re speaking with a lot of energy and emotion…
§ I’m noticing that people get interrupted as they try to share...
§ You seemed to have a reaction to what I just said...
A: ASK about the specifics behind the person’s comment or behavior
§ Could you say more about that…Tell me more...
§ Can you give us an example of what you’re saying…
§ Help me understand what you meant by that?
§ What were you hoping to communicate with that comment?
§ Can you help me understand what your intent was when you said/did...
§ Can you give me some background on this situation...
§ How were you impacted when....What were you feeling when...
I: INTERRUPT the dynamics
Ø Let’s slow down the conversation and talk about what just happened…
Ø I’m going to interrupt and try a different approach to this conversation…
Ø We are not engaging according to our group norms.
Ø Let’s take a breath…
R: RELATE to the person or their comment/behavior
§ I relate to what you’re saying, I…I have felt the same way...
§ I remember a time when I...I did the exact same thing...
§ How do others relate to that comment?
§ What you’re saying seems to relate to what so-‐and-‐so just said…
S: SHARE about yourself ~ self-‐disclose with a story or example; your feelings in the
moment; the impact of a comment or behavior, etc.
§ When I hear you say that I think/feel....
§ Just last week I...I remember when I...
§ I was socialized to believe...
§ I’m beginning to feel ____...
§ My heart aches as you tell that story...
§ I notice I’m feeling a little triggered...
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
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Engaging Skills Examples/Descriptions
Ask the person for
more information ~
seek to understand
• Can you tell me more...
• Can you give me an example...
• Can you give me some background on this situation...
• What do you mean when you say…
• Help me understand what you disagree with…find
frustrating…
• Help me understand how you came to that conclusion?
• What were you feeling when…?
• What’s your perspective?
• What led you to that conclusion?
Paraphrase the
person’s comments
• So you’re saying that...
• So you feel that...
• So you think that…
• Are you saying that…So from your perspective…
Explore their INTENT
• Help me understand your intent when you…
• What had you wanted to communicate with your
comment?
• What was your intended outcome?
• What is underneath your comment/question?
TRACK/PAN the
person’s body
language, tone, and
comments
• I notice you had a reaction to what I just said...
• I don’t believe she was finished with her comment…
• I notice you just got very quiet...looked away…shook
your head…
• I’m noticing your tone of voice…body language…
Explore the IMPACT
on them
• It seems my behavior had an impact on you...
• How did that impact you?
• What were you feeling when…
Acknowledge and
validate their points
as much as possible
• I hear that you feel...
• I can see that from your perspective you think…
• I’d probably feel ____, too...
Explore possible
solutions
• What do you think we can do?
• What do you see as the next steps?
• One thought could be to…what do you think?
• Might it be possible to…
State your desired
outcome
• This is what I suggest we do…
• I want to…I need…
Summarize the
dialogue
• Summarize the dialogue without stating opinions or
judging the dialogue.
• So we’ve discussed...we agreed to…
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., www.drkathyobear.com [email protected]
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From “White Supremacy Culture” ~ Tema Okun, changework http://www.cwsworkshop.org/pdfs/CARC/Overview/3_White_Sup_Culture.PDF
• Perfectionism
• A sense of urgency
• Defensiveness
• Quantity over quality
• Worship of the written word
• Paternalism
• Either/or thinking
• Power hoarding
• Fear of open conflict
• Individualism
• Progress = Bigger, More
• Objectivity
• Right to comfort
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Traps and Potholes for Allies to Avoid, a Beginning List
Tanya Williams, Ed.D., and Kathy Obear Ed.D.
1. Colluding and trying to maintain the status quo culture
2. Trying to keep your status, membership in “the club” while saying you are
creating change
3. Fear of losing your access, connections, and future career opportunities
4. Attached to what people will say about you
5. Afraid of the consequences and backlash if you speak truth to power
6. Thinking you know all you need to know; feeling you have arrived
7. Believing you have the right answer, you know exactly what is needed
8. Feeling you have arrived, done all your self-‐work
9. Having some information and skills, but nowhere near enough competence
10. Acting alone or in isolation
11. Not having accountability structures with people in the corresponding
marginalized group
12. Motivated by wanting to “help” people in marginalized identities
13. Reacting out of rescuing, patronizing, or condescending energy
14. Motivated by guilt, shame, or pity
15. Unclear why you do ally work; not clear on your motives and self-‐interest,
i.e., reclaiming your humanity as you partner to create true equity and
inclusion for all; understanding how oppression negatively impacts you in
your privileged
16. Wanting recognition and appreciation for your contributions
17. Taking over and dominating conversations
18. Assuming leadership roles in cross identity groups with thoughtful group
dialogue
19. Not partnering with and following the leadership of people from the
corresponding marginalized identity(s)
20. Reacting out of self-‐righteous energy
21. Social justice arrogance: believing you “get it” and others “don’t get it”
22. Believing there is a progression from mediocre ally to “super ally”
23. Personal attacks on people who “don’t get it”
24. Shaming others or yourself for not knowing enough, doing enough, etc.
25. Acquiescing to anything people from marginalized groups say and do
26. Disappearing from conversations and deifying people from marginalized
groups
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27. Defensiveness to feedback from people from both marginalized and
privileged groups
28. Resistance to looking at impact of your behavior
29. Unwilling to explore how you may be reacting out of internalized dominance
30. Holding back out of perfectionism, fear making a mistake, or being wrong
31. Fear of intense emotions (yours of others), especially anger and deep pain
32. Not seeing all people as worthy human beings, deserving of respect and
dignity
33. Hiding your prejudicial thoughts and implicit bias
34. Fear of being vulnerable
35. Disengaging from other members of your privileged group(s)
36. Calling yourself an ally without engaging in active change work with people
from the corresponding marginalized identity(s) ~ the people you say you are
an ally to
37. Only working on a single identity; seeing and working with the intersections
and simultaneity of multiple identities
38. Having a very shallow definition and vision of change work: focused on
diversity and increasing demographics without systemic, sustainable
organizational change to create inclusive, socially just organizations
39. Doing for others what they can do for themselves
40. Thinking there is a checklist, a to-‐do list of “right” ally behaviors
41. Perfectly logical explanations, PLEs
42.
43.
44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
49.
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Checklist for Allies and Accomplices:
Tools and Strategies to Increase Your Capacity and Effectiveness as Change
Agents
(A Place to Start)
Directions: Read each of the following and rate how often you effectively demonstrate these
skills:
1 = Never 2 = Rarely 3= Occasionally 4= Often 5= Always
1. Consistently track interactions and group dynamics: work to create balance of
engagement among all members; and speak up when you notice exclusionary comments
and behaviors.
2. Cultivate relationships with other members of privileged groups who actively work to
dismantle oppression and create inclusive organizations. Talk honestly about where you
get stuck and ask for feedback and coaching.
3. Continue to deepen your awareness about privilege and dominant culture, and how these
operate in you, others, and organizations/systems.
4. Recognize and change in the moment when you are operating out of stereotypes,
privilege, and/or dominant cultural beliefs.
5. Track patterns of negative differential treatment on members of marginalized groups and
intervene to stop inappropriate actions and educate others.
6. Support others when they question or challenge uninclusive or disrespectful behaviors or
policies so they are not alone. Recognize that marginalized group members have a far
greater risk if they challenge and speak up.
7. Recognize and intervene when unconscious bias and prejudice are impacting opinions and
decisions.
8. Continually learn more about the experiences of members of marginalized groups and
oppression.
9. Recognize when members of marginalized groups might be reacting out of cumulative
impact, and offer space to talk about issues and their experiences.
10. Analyze policies, programs, services, and practices to assess any differential negative
impact on members of marginalized groups and shift practices to create change.
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11. Track current utilization of services and assess the degree of satisfaction and usage by
members of marginalized groups.
12. Regularly assess the climate and culture of organizations and analyze the data for any
differential experiences from members of marginalized groups.
13. Constantly track organizational activities to ensure fairness, respect, and inclusion for all
people with respect to group dynamics, communication, task assignments, professional
development opportunities, decision-‐making, conflict management, mentoring,
networking, hiring and promotion, etc.
14. Ask questions to seek to understand BEFORE disagreeing or defending your position.
15. If your behavior has had an impact on a member of a marginalized group, avoid
defensively talking about your intent. Instead, listen thoughtfully to their feelings and
perspective; acknowledge the impact; make amends and change your behavior as
needed.
16. In meetings and conversations, ask these questions, “How might this impact members of
different marginalized groups?” “What perspectives and input might we be missing from
different marginalized groups?”
17. Talk with members of privileged groups who seem to be colluding, “going along to get
along” ~ help them consider the consequences of their actions and shift their behaviors.
18.
19.
20.
Developed by Kathy Obear, Ed.D., Center for Transformation & Change
[email protected] www.drkathyobear.com