insider transcript 2010 03
TRANSCRIPT
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March2010InfieldInsider
RobbieKramer
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TableofContents
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Page3…DoYouGuysMindifIStandHereaSecond?Page22…ILostMyFriendsPage28…TheNorwegiansPage32…TheTourGuidePage39…WannaGoToVegasandGetMarried?
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DoYouGuysMindIfIStandHereforaSecond?
00:17
Robbie:DoyouguysmindifIstandhereforaminute?
HB:No,youcan.
Robbie:Thosegirlsoverthere,theytoldmetoleave.
HB:No,youcantotallystand.They’reobviouslynotverynice.
Robbie:No,I’mjustplaying.Iwastryingtothinkofthecreepiestpickupline.Isthatagoodone?It’sprettygood,right.She’slikeyea,it’sprettygood.
HB:Onascaleof1to10,10being“you’rescaringtheshitoutofme,”Igiveyouan8.5.
Robbie:Whoa,IguessifIwasgoingforthat,notbad.
HB:Propstoyou.
Robbie:Yea.
HB:Youscaredtheshitoutofme,butnotalevelof10.
Robbie:Youdidn’tseethatscared,Idon’tbuyit.I’dsaya4.5.
HB:Atthispointnothingphasesme,trustmeI’veheardworse.
Robbie:You’reimmunetoit.
HB:I’veheardthecheesyoneslike,“doyouhavemirrorsinyoursneakersbecauseIcanseemyselfinyourskirtoryourpants.”
Robbie:Ohmirrorinyourpocket?
HB:Somethinglikethat,whatever…
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Robbie:Icanseemyselfinyourskirt.
HB:Whatever,thatsoundslikeacreepyonetome.
Robbie:That’sabadone.Howaboutarethosespacepants,becausethatassisoutofthisworld.
HB:Ohyea!Ilovethatone,actually,it’sveryclever.There’sanotheroneaboutabakerandabakeryorsomething.
Robbie:Abakerandabakery?
HB:IsyourdadabakerbecauseIdon’tknowithastodowithdoughandbread.
Robbie:Areyouaprofessionalpickupartistforwomen?
HB:No!Iwatchorreadsomethingaboutalistofpickuplines,it’sprobablyoneofthosechaine‐mails.
Robbie:Okay.
HB:Itwasallaboutstupidestpickuplines,soIreadabunchofthemandnowIcanonlypiecethemtogetherinmymind,hencewhymydeliveryissosubparrightnow.
Robbie:Youneedtohelpherwiththedelivery.Sheneedssomecoaching.
HB:Mirrorsonsneakersanddoughandbread…
Robbie:She’sgotthestraight‐manact.Youarethetypeofgirlyoucandeliversomething‐
HB:Deadpan.
Robbie:Deadpanandjustbelike,Ilikeheat,orlampandit’llbefunny.Soincaseyouevergointocomedy,youguyswouldmakeagoodpair.
HB:Iknow,I’mlikegoofyandyou’restraightbutfunny.Thedynamicduo.Whataboutyou,whatbringsyoutothelovelyviceroytonight?
Robbie:I’veneverbeenhere.Ihavesomefriendsaround‐
HB:It’skindofnice,theyhaveheatlamps,whichisalwaysaplus.
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Robbie:Ijustmovedherefrom<confidentialitymute>.
HB:Noway,wherein<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:WellIwenttoschoolin<confidentialitymute>.
HB:Ihadacousinwholivedin<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Ohreally,whendidyoulivethere?
HB:Mycousinlivedthere.
Robbie:Ohyourcousin.
HB:Yea,Iwoulddrivedowneveryweekendtovisither,itwasprettyawesome.Myparents<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Didtheygotoadermatologistthere?
HB:<confidentialitymute>OhIdon’tknow,why?
Robbie:Washisname<confidentialitymute>.
HB:Isthatyourfatherorsomething?
Robbie:Yea.
HB:Oh,isitreally?
Robbie:NoIactuallyneverheardofhim,justthrowingoutaname,
HB:NoIdon’tthinktheywenttodermatologist.
Friend:<inaudible>
Robbie:Thatcouldgooverbad.Itcouldbesketchy?
HB:SodoyoulikeLosAngeles?
Robbie:Ido,Ilivein<confidentialitymute>.
HB:Iworkin<confidentialitymute>.
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Robbie:Ireallydo,it’slike<confidentialitymute>,wasboringafterawhile,Ilivedthere8yearsandIgrewupin<confidentialitymute>.
HB:Wowsoyou’relikeaneighbortome?
Robbie:What?
HB:You’relikeaneighbortome,Iwentto<confidentialitymute>Highschool.
Robbie:Whendidyougraduate.
HB:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Okay.
HB:Doyouknow<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Iwent<confidentialitymute>.Wheredidtheygo.
HB:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Iwasadorkinhighschool,Ijustplayedalotofgolf.
HB:Noway,mybrotherhasascholarshiprightnow.
Robbie:What’shisname?Iprobablyknowhim.
HB:<confidentialitymute>.Ouchit’sscaldingmyface,kindafeelsgoodthough.Hegraduatedhighschoolin2005,sohe’syoung.
Robbie:Iplayedincollegeand…
HB:Didyou?Didyougoto<confidentialitymute>.Isn’tyourcouchwhat’shisname’sbrother?
Robbie:<confidentialitymute>.Mycoachisadruggieandhe’sawesomethough.Wehadthemostfunintheworldonthegolfteam.HeusedtobeadruggieIshouldsay,notanymore,butwegoontripsandwe’dbeinthevanandhe’dpickupashitloadofbeerandvodkaforus.
6:07
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HB:Didtheydrugtest?
Robbie:Yea,theydiddrugtestus.
HB:Mybrotherhastopeeinacupallofthetime.
Robbie:Yea.We,listentothis,wetookthistripuptoPebbleBeachplayingatournamentupthere.Andwe’redrivingback,andit’sinthemiddleofthe5,middleofnowhere,andoneoftheguysonourteamwasthistotalstraightedgeguy,asiandude,neverdrank,neverdidanything.Andhewassothirstyandtherewasn’tastopforlike10or15miles,andhewaslikeIjustneedsomewater,anybodyhaveanywater?Andthecoachwaslike,yeaIhaveawholebottleofit,it’srightinthedoor,it’srightupthere.Andhepassesitback,abottleofaquafina…buttherewasactuallyvodkainit.Sohetakesthisgiganticpull,andithitshim…afterthreeseconds,andhespraysitallovereverybodyinthevan.
HB:Vodkaispowerful,Imeanifyoudownitlikethat…
Friend:Yea.
Robbie:Ithadstoliinit.Andhewassothirsty…ittakesacoupleofseconds.
HB:Likeacetone,it’snotevenlike…Greygoosemaybethatgoesdownalittlesmooth,butstoliislikegraaaaaaaaaaa…
Robbie:Well,ittakesafewsecondstoactuallyfeelit.Anyways,Idon’trecommendthat.
HB:SoI’massumingyoudon’tplaygolfnow?
Robbie:Ido,butjustnotalot.Iwasgoingtogopro,butIstartedabusinessanddecidednotto.
HB:Whatdoyoudo?
Robbie:Ihaveacrazyjob.
HB:Whatisit?
Robbie:It’skindofalongthelinesofPickUplines.
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HB:Okay.
Robbie:Iworkwithmendealingwithinsecuritiesandanxietyaroundbeingsocial,meetingpeople,dating‐
HB:That’sactuallyreallycool.
Robbie:Thankyou.
Friend:Ihaveareallylamejob…
HB:Iknow,that’sactuallyphenomenal.
Robbie:Ididn’tsayitwaslame,Isaiditwasweird.
HB:Iwouldlovetostartabusiness,wellwomenare,Idon’tknow,maybetheydon’tneeditasmuch.We’retalkingabouthisjob,canyoutellourfriend<confidentialitymute>whatyourjobis?It’sactuallyreallycool.
Robbie:Yea,Iworkwithguyswithinsecurities,anxiety,beingsocial,dating…
HB:Andit’shisowncompany,that’sneat.
Robbie:Yea.Westartedit,wewerejustkindoflikehelpingfriendsandwedecidedtostartyet,yea…
HB:Sowhatwouldyoutellaguy,Guy’sadouchebag.Douchebag,right?
Robbie:Yea.
HB:Andhewaslike,andhedoesn’tdresswell.Doesn’treallyhaveajob,whatisyourfirsttipofadviceasfarasgettingittogether?
Robbie:Well,hedoesn’thaveajob,hedoesn’tdresswell,andhe’screepy?
HB:Yea,he’ssociallyinept.
Robbie:So,Iwouldsay,he’sjustweird?
HB:Alittlebit,buthe’saniceguy.He’sgotthatgoing,he’snotanasshole,he’sjustackward.
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Robbie:Isheoverlynice?
HB:He’sackward,liketimid…
Robbie:Theproblemis…Ifyouseeaguythat’sreallyattractive,it’swhohe’sbeing.
HB:Yea.
Robbie:I’msureyou’vebeenattractedtoguysthataren’tamazinglookingbefore,right?Andthere’ssomethingabouthimthatyou’rejustlikeIdon’tknow‐
HB:He’sgotagoodpersonality.
Robbie:Right.Andmostguysarelikereallyintheirhead,tryingtoanalyzeandthinkofwhattheysay,ratherthanjustbeingspontaneous.Theproblemisguysarelogical,girlsareemotional,andifyouwanttorelatetowomen,youhavetobeintouchwithyouremotions.Kindoflikebeinyourbody,actually.Pictureanathleteorafiremanorsomething,thatguyisattractivebecauseyouknowhecanhandleshitwhenhehitsthefan,andyoufeelsafearoundhim.Andhe’snotaroundacomputeralldayanalyzingshit.
HB:Yea.
Robbie:Soweteachguyshowtogetoutoftheirhead.
HB:That’sgood,that’sverygood.That’sagoodskilltohave.Becausealotofpeoplearewaytooandtendtoover‐analyzeshit,bewhoyouare,saywhatyousay,ifpeoplecan’tacceptyouforthat‐
Robbie:Yea,it’sastrippingawayprocess,Iwouldn’ttellhimwhattodoanything,Iwouldshowhimwherehe’sbeingweirdonvideo,wherehe’sbeingcreepy.
10:29
HB:That’sawesome!Youfilmthem?
Robbie:Yea,HDvideo.
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HB:Sodefineyourservices,whatdoyoudo?What’sinapackagedeal.
Robbie:Well,wehave‐
HB:Doyouhaveawebsite?
Robbie:Yea,innerconfidence.com.
HB:Iloveit!
Robbie:I’llgiveyoumycard.Webasically,itdependsonhowmuchworktheyneed.Someguys…Need,wellmostoftheguysthatcometous,needashitloadofwork‐
HB:Thatissocool!
Robbie:Thankyou!Andum…
HB:I’m<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Robbie,youtoo!
HB:Kramer.<confidentialitymute>
Robbie:KramerM.D.Butum,we’llworkwiththemfor90dayseveryweek.Theyneedconsistentworktostripawayalltheirinsecuritiesandanxietiesandallthatstuff.
HB:Soyoufilmthem,andwhatelsedoyoudo?
Robbie:WefilmtheminHDinteractingwithgirls…
HB:That’sackward,howdoyoupullthatoffwhenyou’reinasocialsetting.
Robbie:No,no,no!Wedon’tdoitinabar,wedoitinourworkplace.
HB:Oh!
Robbie:Webringthegirlsin.Forexample,wehaveacutegirllikeyouthere,you’dbesittingthereonacouch.Youwouldobviouslyknowwhat’sgoingon,guywouldwalkupandwe’dbelikejustgotalktoher.Sohe’dfinallycomeup,beinhishead,bestumblingandsayingweirdshit.Andwe’dplayitbackonvideoandcallhimoutonallthegamesheplays,allthebullshit…
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HB:Ohmygod,that’sreallycool.
Robbie:Thethingaboutit,thatmakesitworkreallywell.Thisthingisreallystrong.
HB:Iloveit,It’sactuallyscaldingmyscalpanditfeelsdeliciousrightnow.
Robbie:Youlikeit?
HB:It’ssocold.
Robbie:Itfeelsdelicious.Ilovetheverbage.
HB:Yes,itisprettydelicious.
Robbie:But,um,it’slikejustwatchingit,likewhenyouviewyourself.IfIputyouonHDvideoandmakeyouwatchit,yourfirstreactionwouldbelikeIdon’twannaseemyself!
HB:Ihatethat,yea.
Robbie:Sojustactuallyseeingitandviewingitwillmakealotofchangestoyourunconsciousmind.
HB:Okay.
Robbie:Andthenfromthere,it’sprettyeasytojust…Youknow?
HB:Yea,onceyouwatchyourself…
Robbie:Yea.Youseealotofarchtypesyouplay,likeformewhenIfirststarteddoingit…causemeandmypartnerstarteddoingittoeachother,that’showwestarted.
HB:Yea.Ofcourse…
Robbie:Iwasreallylike,Iwasallaboutlikebeingcool.Iwaskindofadork,wellIwasreallycoolin7thand8thgrade,inmyclassof12kids.
HB:Okay!
Robbie:Igraduatedfromaclassof12in<confidentialitymute>.
HB:Perhapsweneedtotrainyouwithsomeinnerconfidencedotcom.
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Friend:Iknow.
HB:Weshouldfilmhowlamethatwas!
Robbie:Goahead,thiswillwarmyouupquick.
HB:It’sprettycrazy.Okay,so,rewind…
Robbie:SoIwascoolinmiddleschoolinmyclassof12kids,thenIgotothishighschoolwherethere’s500kidsinmyclass.Thenallofthesudden,Ididn’tknowanyoneitwaslikeanewschool.AndIwas,allIdidwasplaygolfanddidn’treallyhaveanyfriendsuntilJunioryear,whenIdecidedIamgoingtomeetpeopleandmeetfriends.AndIchasedafterthisgirlforlikesixmonths,anditworkedout.Whowouldhavethought,right?Likefinally,shewaslikeokayfine,Igiveit.Weendedupdatingfor10months.Shewasreallyprettyandjustbecausewhenyou’renotavailable,girlslikeyouandallthatshit.Soallofthesuddenalltheseothergirlswantedme,soIgotmoreconfidence.ThenIbasically,IalwayshadthisfeelinglikeIwasn’tcoolenough.
HB:Okay.
Robbie:IalwaysfeltlikeI’mnotcoolenoughtotalktothem,bewiththem.SowheneverIfeltthatwayaroundsomebodyIdeemedcool,Iwouldjustemotionallyshutdown.
HB:Oh.
Robbie:Yeaandum,IsawandstartedseeingthatoncameraandIsawhowIplayedthiscoolguyarchtype,likeIwastryingreallyhardtobecoolandinfactIwasbeingadouchebag.
HB:Adouchebag.
Robbie:Andthen,Iwasabletojustseeingthat,Istoppedplayingthatgame.
HB:Okay.
Robbie:Well,letmeaskyou,doyoufeellikeI’mplayingthecoolguy?
HB:No,Iwasintriguedbyyourwholecompanyand…Ohshitit’sreallyhot,Iactuallyreallydon’tlikesmoking,canwemove?Sorry.
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15:38
HB:No,IwishIcouldstandbythatheatlamp,butIhatesmoking.No,no,noIdidn’tfeelthatatall.I,whenyouapproached,meand<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Yea.
HB:Youkindofcameupwith,quirky,soit’slike,quirkypeopleareattractedtome.Iliketosurroundmyselfwithpeopleofallwalksalife.BecauseIhavefriendsinalldifferentwalksoflife,differentgroups,Iwasneverthattypeofpersontobelikeinoneclique,andIhadfriendsthatwereindrama,friendsincomputers,friendswhowrotefortheschoolpaper,friendswhowerestoners,right?
Robbie:Yea.
HB:SoIjustthought,thisguyisquirky,there’ssomethingabouthim.Iwannahearabouthisinnerconfidence.
Robbie:I’magoofball.
HB:Anyways,yea,that’sreallycool.That’sacoolcompany,andit’sgoingwell?
Robbie:It’sgoinggreat.
HB:Andyouhaveoneotherpartner?
Robbie:Yea,he’saroundheresomewhere.He’sprobably…
HB:Testingouthisskills.
Robbie:Yea,maybe.
HB:Ididwriteascreenplay.
Guy:That’sawesome.
Friend:Ijusttoldhimaboutit.
HB:Youtoldhimaboutthenews?
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Friend:Yea,Ijustbriefly<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Youdidn’teventellme.
HB:Yea,Ipitchedtheideatomyteacher,oroneofmyteachers,whohappenstobeamanager.Sohereallylikedtheidea,AndyGarcia,becausemyscriptisaboutCuba.
Guy:Shetoldmeaboutthat,butI’mmoreinterestedintheidea.
HB:Oh,it’sadomesticdrama,soit’safamilydrama.Andit’sreallyabout,thesefourfamilymembersandtheirconflictonaninnerlevel,tryingtofigureoutwhotheyare.It’stheconflictamongthefamilymembersandtheconflictwithsocietyintermsofwhatchangedduringthefallofBautistaandtheriseofCastro.
Guy:Okay.
HB:Andit’skindoflike,bittersweetendingliketragedybreaksthemtogetherandunitesthematthesametime.
Guy:Didyouhaveanybodygettingmassacred.
HB:Yea,Ido.There’sthebrotherwhogetsexecutedbyfiringsquad.It’skindoftragic.
Guy:IsChethereshootinghim?
HB:No,it’sneversaid.
Guy:IhateChe.
HB:Idon’tlikehimeither,he’scutebutIdon’tlikehimeither.
Guy:IhateChe.
HB:He’sreallycute,alsoCastroiskindofcutetoobutthatwasyoungeryears.Inthesubtitles,youknowhowintheendoffilmsitwillfadetoblackandattheenditwilltellyouwhathappenstoeveryone?
Guy:Yea.
HB:That’showyoufindouthewasexecuted.
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Robbie:Iwannaseethat.
HB:It’smymovie!
Robbie:I’mgoingtograbadrink,I’llseeyou.Whatthefuck,theheater,didyoumissme?
<NewTarget>
HB2:Idid.
Robbie:Aww.Sweet…
HB2:Obviouslyyoumissedme.
Robbie:Yea,don’ttellanybody.
HB2:Ialwaysdo.
Robbie:Ilikeyoursass.
HB2:Thanks!
Robbie:You’requitesassy,wheredidyoulearnthissass?
HB2:IknowwhatI’vegot,youkiddingme?
Robbie:That’sgood.
HB2:I’mnotfromhere,so…Iunderstandthevalue.
Robbie:TheMichigansass.
HB2:Don’tunderrateit.
Robbie:Sowhatareyoudoingherenow?
19:15
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HB2:CelebratinganothersemesterofGradschoolbeingdone.
Robbie:Really?WhatareyougoingtoGradschoolfor?
HB2:MBA.Business.
Robbie:MBA?
HB2:Yea,smartgirl.
Robbie:Smart,sassy,whatelseyougot?Let’smakealist.
HB2:Fun.
Robbie:Whatelse?Iwantthegoodstuff,likegivemesomenaughtystuff.
HB2:Eww.Ijustmetyou,noway.
Robbie:Youjustmetme?Soyouhaveanydogsorcats?
HB2:Ihaveonecat.
Robbie:Doyoulikelongwalksonthebeach,orponiesorunicorns?
HB2:NoI’mnotgay!
Robbie:That’sagirly‐
HB2:Idon’t’havetimeforthatshit.Mycatmissesme,I’mneverhome,areyoukiddingme?
Robbie:Whowouldaccuseyouofbeinggay?
HB2:That’slikestupidshitthatpeople,Idon’tlovethebeach,IlovetheoceanbecauseI’madiver.Ilovebeingunderthewater,butnotwalkingonthebeach.
Robbie:Iwouldlikethattoo,I’mscaredofthewaves.
HB2:Okay,thenyoucan’tdiveifyou’rescared.Areyoukiddingme?
Robbie:Why?There’snowavesunderneath.
HB2:That’strue.
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Robbie:Iwouldbefine.
HB2:Soyou’renotafraidofbeingunderwater?Butthewholethingiskindoffreakyatfirst.
Robbie:Okay.
HB2:Becauseyoucan’tbreathethroughyournose,breaththroughyourmouth…
Robbie:I’vesnorkeled.
HB2:That’sgay.
Robbie:Snorkelingisgay?
HB2:Yea.
Robbie:She’sallaboutthegay.
HB2:No,whenyou’readiver,snorkelingistotallygay.
Robbie:Well,Ihaven’tsaidI’madiver.Ihavesnorkeled,andyesyou’rerightthenosethingbothersme.
HB2:I’vesnorkeledbeforeIdove.
Friend:Gayisnottheappropriateword.
HB2:Snorkelingississy,it’sgirly.Isthatbettersomehow?
Robbie:Wheredoyougodiving?
Friend:Intheocean…
HB2:InSoCal…
Robbie:Sheisgood.
HB2:Iknow,Iloveher.
Robbie:Idon’tknowwhereyoufoundher.
HB2:IknowIloveher,sheismywinggirl.
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Robbie:Youdon’tgointhisarea,becauseit’stoodark?
HB2:No,wegoinSoCal.Yea,<confidentialitymute>theouterislands.Allover,yea.
Robbie:Wheredoyoulivenow?
HB2:Wheredoyoulive?
Robbie:Iaskedyoufirst.
HB2:Yea,itdoesn’tmatter.
Robbie:Thesassy/feistyness.It’sactuallyasassyslashfeisty.
HB2:Yea.
Robbie:But,youknow?
HB2:WhyshouldItellyou,youtellme.
Robbie:Oh,thedevil,that’snice.<confidentialitymute>.
HB2:SoamI.
Robbie:Really,where?
HB2:Whereyoulive.
Robbie:You’refullofshit,you’rejustgoingtocopywhateverIsay.
HB2:I’mjustlikeaguy.Youthrowmeguyshit,I’llthrowyouguyshitback.
Robbie:You’rewhat?
HB2:I’mthrowingyouguyshitback,wheredoyoulive?
Robbie:<confidentialitymute>.
HB2:Nice,Ihaveafriendwholivesthere.Ilive,uh<confidentialitymute>.Notthehighriseglass,butyouknow.
Robbie:Sowhenarewehangingout?
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HB2:WhenIwantto.
Robbie:Whenyouwantto…
HB2:Yea.
Robbie:Alright,wellI’mgoingtoputmynumberinyourphoneandyou’llcallmewhenyouwantto.
HB2:Exactly.
Robbie:I’mgoingtoplayatrickonyou,though,whenIdoit.
HB2:Why?
Robbie:It’sacrazytrick.I’mgoingtoshowyouthetrick.
HB2:Hangon.
Robbie:That’salotofpasswordstoputin,that’slikehigh‐tech,highsecretinthere?
HB2:Yea.
Robbie:Youhavenakedpics?Shitit’s12already?Ihaveablackberry,butthisoneisdifferent.It’soneoftheserollerthings,howdoIclearit?
HB2:Wheredoyouwanttogo,address?
Robbie:Iwanttocall,Iwanttomakeacall.
HB2:Oh,you’regoingtomakeacall?
Robbie:Yes,Iwanttomakeacall.
HB2:Socall.
Robbie:<confidentialitymute>originally.
HB2:Whoareyoucalling,yourself?
Robbie:Mymanager.
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HB2:Ohwait,I’msoimpressed.
Robbie:Here,pickitup,it’sforyou.Hello?No,no,yougottatalk.It’sloudinhere.Sothatwasmyawesometricktogetyournumber.
HB2:Itreallywasn’tatrick,Itotallyknowwhatyouweregoingtodo.
Robbie:Iknow.Itotallyforgotyourname.Idon’tthinkyou’vetoldme!
HB2:Becauseyou’reanass.
Robbie:Iknow,we’veestablishedthat.
HB2:Idon’tevenknowyours,that’ssofunny.Doyouhaveaname?
Robbie:Idohaveaname.It’samadeous.
HB2:It’snotjackass,right?Nowaythat’snotyourfuckingname!
Robbie:SventheDestroyer.
HB2:It’slikeRob.
Robbie:Yea,itisactually.Howthefuckdidyouknowthat?
HB2:Thatisnotyourname!
Robbie:Yeaitis,it’srob,Robert,Robbie.
HB2:Nofreakingway,areyouserious?
Robbie:Yes,I’mserious.
HB2:Ohmygod.Whatarethechances?
Robbie:What’syours?<confidentialitymute>Jenny?
HB2:It’sthreesyllables.Canyouhandleit?
Robbie:<confidentialitymute>.
HB2:Always,not<confidentialitymute>.
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Robbie:Okay,shouldIputinmyphoneas<confidentialitymute>.
HB2:Don’tbeajackass,Imeancontrolyourself,youdon’thavetobeanass.It’syourchoice,don’tchooseit.
Robbie:It’ssomuchmorefun,though.
HB2:Sinceyou’reaguy,youthinkitis,buthonestly<confidentialitymute>.Rob,what?
Robbie:Yea,Kramer.
HB2:Really?
Robbie:ShouldIputin,what’sthisbarsname?Thatwouldbetheultimatebullshit.
HB2:Yeaputthatin.<confidentialitymute>
Robbie:What’sthenameofthebar?
HB2:Putwhatever.
Robbie:Polka‐dot<confidentialitymute>.Awesome.
25:42
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ILostMyFriends
00:15
Robbie:Whatwasthatfor?
HBBlonde:Birthdaygirl…I’mwaitingformyfriends.
Robbie:IthinkIsawthem.
HBBlonde:Ohyouthinkyousawthem?
Robbie:They,um…Theytoldmethattheyditchedyou.Youweretoocoolforthemandtheywereupsetandsotheysaidfuckherwe’reout.Whatisthis?That’salongone.Sowhat’syourdeal.
HBBlonde:Um,Ilostmyfriends.Ilivehere.
Robbie:Oh,metoo.
HBBlonde:Well,Idon’tlikelivehere.
Robbie:Youliverighthereinthisbar?Iloveyou,givemeahug,
HBBlonde:Iwasborninthisbar.Iwasborn‐
Robbie:That’swhyIlikeyou,muah!
HBBlonde:Iwasborninthebrug.
Robbie:That’samazing,Iwasbornintheotherroom.
HBBlonde:Ohmygod!
Robbie:We’relike.Ohmygodwe’remeanttobe.Wewereborninthesamebar.
HBBlonde:MomanddadhonestlygavebirthtomeatCedar’sbutit’stheotherroom.
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Robbie:Itis.
HBBlonde:I’mlike,youknowwhat,that’swhereyouwereborn…
Robbie:SoareyouPersian?Youkindofhavethatlooktoyou.
HBBlonde:I’mveryPersianwiththeblondehairandblueeyes.It’sveryPersian.
Robbie:It’sthefacialstructure.AndIaskbecauseIthoughtyouwereahookahsmoker.Areyouahookahsmoker,haveyoueverdoneit?Itcouldbethegreatestthingonearth.
HBBlonde:Youknowwhatthegreatestthingonearthis.
Robbie:Sex.
HBBlonde:No.
Robbie:Whatisit?Tellme.
HBBlonde:It’sthehookahsmoker…
Robbie:Whatisit?What?
HBBlonde:Ican’tsayit.
Robbie:Youcan’tsayit.
HBBlonde:It’sembarrassing.
2:38
Robbie:Iwon’ttellanybody,whisperitinmyear.
HBBlonde:It’slikethis.
Robbie:What?
HBBlonde:Ijustsaidittwiceinyourear.
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Robbie:AllI…AllIheardwasshh…Iamsoconfused.CanyouMorseCodeittome?Whydon’twejustkeepitbetweenusandIwon’ttellanybody.
HBBlonde:IfIaskthisguy,hewouldn’tevenknow.
Robbie:Hewouldknoworhewouldn’tknow.
HBBlonde:Hewouldn’tknow.
Robbie:Whatwouldn’theknow?Youknowhim?Whatever.
HBBlonde:Iwentlikethis.
Robbie:Sotellmesomething…Ihave…Whatdoyoulikebetter,alright,let’ssay,you…Haveyoueverplayedthewouldyourathergame?Alrightsowouldyouratherliveinashackontheoceanoramansiononthelake?
HBBlonde:Allthree.
Robbie:What?Allthree?There’sonlytwo.
HBBlonde:Oh,Ipickthree.
Robbie:Sowouldyouratherhaveoneyearofmindblowingsex,followedbyayearofnosexatall.Ortwoyearsofso‐sosex?Theoneyear?Whatwouldyoudoforthesecondyear?
HBBlonde:Digagrave.
Robbie:What?
HBBlonde:Digagrave.
Robbie:That’swhatIwouldsaytoo.
4:56
Robbie:Icompletelyagree.What’syourname?
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HBBlonde:<confidentialitymute>
Robbie:What?
HBBlonde:Youcankeepgoing.
Robbie:I’malloutofquestions,it’syourturn?
HBBlonde:Iplaytheflutewithmypussy.
Robbie:Youwhat?
HBBlonde:Iplaytheflutewithmypussy.
Robbie:Whatcanyouplay?
HBBlonde:Theflute.
Robbie:Whatsong?
HBBlonde:DoyouwanttohearAmericanbandstandortraditional?Idon’tknowwhat.
Robbie:I’dliketohearanyofthem,itsoundslikeanamazingfeat.Ican’tplayanythingwithmydick.
HBBlonde:Ican.
Robbie:Ihopenot.Withyourpussyright,notyourdick?
HBBlonde:Both.Me,mypussy,andmydick.
Robbie:Okay,that’snotweird.
HBBlonde:Andmydick.
Robbie:Youandyourdickaretotallynormal.Whenareyougoingtoshowmethesecharacteristics.
HBBlonde:It’sbyinvitationonly.
Robbie:What’sthat?
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HBBlonde:It’sbyinvitationonly.
Robbie:What’sthat?
HBBlonde:It’sbyinvitationonly.
Robbie:Oh,okay.SoItakeityou’llhavetogivemetheinvitation,that’swhatthatmeans,right?
HBBlonde:Probably.
Robbie:Okay.Well,HowwouldIgetsuchinvitation?
HBBlonde:<confidentialitymute>
Robbie:I’vegottosay…YouhavethemostsensuallipsI’veeverseen.
HBBlonde:I’veheardthat.
Robbie:Haveyou?They’renice.
HBBlonde:I’vebeenworkingonit.
Robbie:You’vebeenworkingonit?Good.Whatdoyouthinkofmine?
HBBlonde:Ilikethem.
Robbie:Huh?
HBBlonde:Ilikethem.
Robbie:Oh!Theyarenice.
8:37
HBBlonde:IlikeLadyGaga.
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Robbie:IloveLadyGaga.<makeoutpause>Whatareyoudoingtome?<pause>Whatdoyousay,let’ssmokesomeHookah?
HBBlonde:Idon’thaveanyHookah.
Robbie:Ido!<pause>
HBBlonde:Sorry,lookingformyfriends.
Robbie:Comemeetmyfriends.
HBBlonde:Myfriends.
Robbie:What?
HBBlonde:Thesearemyfriends.
Robbie:Oh,righthere?
HBBlonde:Yea.
Robbie:Oh.Hello!
HBBlonde:Wherewereyou?
Robbie:Youguysshouldmeet,what’syourname?
HBBlonde:HewantstosmokeHookah?
Friend:Areyoulebonese?
Robbie:DoIlookit?
Friend:Noyoulook…
HBBlonde:Sowhere’sMegan?
Robbie:I’llberightback.
HBBlonde:Alright.
11:17
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TheNorwegians
00:14
Robbie:YouguyshavetobeSwedish…
HBNor1:Norwegian.
Robbie:Norwegian?Howclosewasthat?
HBNor1:That’sveryclose.
Robbie:Howlonghaveyouguysbeenhere?
HBNor1:Onlytwodays.
Robbie:Twodays?
HBNor2:Yea.
Robbie:Nice.
HBNor2:Yea.
Robbie:SothefirstthingyoudoisyoucometoSapora?
HBNor1:Ofcourse.
HBNor2:Yea.
Robbie:Seemsboring.Theydon’thavethesestoresinNorway?Comeon…
HBNor1:It’sexpensive…
Robbie:It’stoocold.IwasinNorwaynottoolongago,Iwasinthe,wellwhat’sthecapitalcalled?
HBNor1:Oslo.
HBNor2:Oslo.
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Robbie:Oslo?Iwastheretwice,andthenIwasintheonewithallthe,whatdoyoucall?<>
HBNor1:Yea.
Robbie:OntheNorthwestpartofNorway?Itwaslikea‐
HBNor1:<>?
Robbie:No,Iwouldknowthename…AreyouguysfromStockholm?
HBNor1:Nope.
HBNor2:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Oh,notStockholm.That’swhatImeant<confidentialitymute>.ItwassomewhereontheNorthwestcoast,whereallthecruiseshipsgo?
HBNor1:<inaudible>
Robbie:WhenIwasthere,theyhadallthisshitaboutParisHilton.Like,allthetabloidstalkedaboutParisHilton.
HBNor1:Weloveher.
Robbie:YouguyslikeParis?
HBNor1:Yea.
Robbie:Yea,Iguess,right?Howlongyouguysherefor?
HBNor1:Twoweeks.
HBNor2:Twoweeks.
Robbie:Whatdoyouguysgotplanned?
HBNor2:We’reonaschooltrip.
Robbie:College?
HBNor1:Yea.
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Robbie:Youseemedalittlehesitant…
HBNor1:Wehaveall<inaudible>butit’sfreecollege.
Robbie:Soit’sdifferent?Verycool.Wellyouguysenjoy,haveagreattrip,cya!
2:10
Robbie:MissNorway.
HBNor1:Yea?
Robbie:Igottasay,ifIdidn’ttrytogetyournumberbeforeIleft,I’dbekickingmyselfallday.Wegottohangoutwhileyou’reintown…
HBNor1:Yea,we’reonaschooltrip,youknow?
Robbie:Soyouguysgotanytimeoff?
HBNor1:Yea,some,butnotmuch…
Robbie:Well,Ilivenottoofaraway,andwehavehousepartiesalot.
HBNor1:AreyouinSantaMonica?
Robbie:In<confidentialitymute>.It’sliketenminutes.
HBNor1:Yea?Icangetyournumber.
Robbie:Here,givemeyourphone,Icanputitin.DoyouhavelikeaUScell?
HBNor1:Norwegian,butitworkshere.
Robbie:Aww,cutepicture.Areyoueveninthispicture?
HBNor1:No.Thepictureismyfriends.
Robbie:Youhavesomebodyelsespicture,that’ssofunny.
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HBNor1:Yea.
Robbie:What’syourname?We’regoingtoleaveamessageforustogether,howaboutthat?
HBNor1:Wehavetopresslike,<inaudible>Idon’twanttousemoney.
Robbie:Textmessage.<Inaudible>.Givemethething,I’lltextyou.What’sthe…Whatisit?
HBNor1:It’s0047,<Inaudibleandconfidentialitymute>
Robbie:Whatwasyourname?
HBNor1:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:That’sfunny,that’smynametoo,whataretheoddsofthathappening?Noit’sRobbie.
HBNor1:Robbie?
Robbie:Goodtomeetyou.
HBNor1:Verynicetomeetyou.
Robbie:Verystronghandshake,I’llseeyousoon,I’lltextyou,haveagoodone.
4:10
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TheTourGuide
00:12
Robbie:Doyouknowwhere<>is?
HBTourguide:It’saroundhere,nottoofar.I’mnottoosure.
Robbie:Okay.
HBTourguide:Whichway.Ithinkit’sonMainstreet.
Robbie:Areyougoingtolookitup?
HBTourguide:Ican.
Robbie:Haha,I’mjustplaying,it’scool.I’msuresomebodyelsewillknow,thanksthough…
HBTourguide:Lookingitupforyou.
Robbie:Youarethesweetest,Ishouldhireyouasatourguide,orsomething.
HBTourguide:Whereareyoufrom?
Robbie:From<confidentialitymute>.
HBTourguide:Oh.
Robbie:Ijustmovedhere,though.
HBTourguide:From?
Robbie:From<confidentialitymute>.
HBTourguide:Oh,okay.
Robbie:You?
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HBTourguide:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Okay,likerightinthe<confidentialitymute>.Ohnice,howlonghaveyoulivedhere?
HBTourguide:Prettymuchallofmylife.Howlongareyouherefor?
Robbie:Youmeantoday?
HBTourguide:Youmovedhere?
Robbie:Imovedhere,yea,inDecember…
HBTourguide:Cool.
Robbie:Yea.
HBTourguide:Okay,Ifoundit.WhatbroughtyoutoLA?
Robbie:Um,somebusiness,<confidentialitymute>.Iwantedachange.Youeverspendmuchtimedownthere?
HBTourguide:I’vebeenthere,likethreetimestovisit…
Robbie:Yea.
HBTourguide:It’snice.
Robbie:ImeanIlivedinareallynicepartof<confidentialitymute>,butIwenttoschooldownthereandIwasjustalittlebitboredafter8years,<confidentialitymute>.Ineededmorefreaksinmylife,soImoved<confidentialitymute>.
HBTourguide:Findonethatwillopen,<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Itriedthatstuff.
HBTourguide:Youlikeit?
Robbie:Yea.Yousellit?
HBTourguide:Ido.
Robbie:Nice,how’sthatgoing?
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HBTourguide:It’sgoinggreat.
Robbie:Gotabigdownline?
HBTourguide:Overfourhundredpeople.
Robbie:Wow,whattypeofpassiveincomedoesthatbringin?
HBTourguide:Rightnowabout<confidentialitymute>amonth.Igetpaidweekends,too.
Robbie:That’sgreat.
HBTourguide:Yea.
Robbie:Howlongdidthattakeyoutobuildthatup?
HBTourguide:I’vebeendoingitsinceJuneoflastyear.
Robbie:Really?Youmustbeanaturalnetworker.
HBTourguide:Prettymuch.I’vebeendoingitalongtime,asfarasnetworkingIhavebeenanentrepreneurforthelast10years.Iwasinrealestatebefore.
Robbie:Sonowyou’rejustdoing<confidentialitymute>?
HBTourguide:Yea.
Robbie:It’sthewaytogo,youhavetodoabsolutelynothing.
HBTourguide:Whatdoyoudo?
Robbie:Um,professionalpokerplayer.
2:32
HBTourguide:Wheredoyouplayat?
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Robbie:Iplayaloton‐line.SometimesIgoouttothelocalcasinos,uh,commercecasino,thebike,allthosejoints.Hangoutwiththecrazypokerpeople.
HBTourguide:Yea,that’scool.IhaveafriendthatrunsapokerspotinDowntown.
Robbie:Ohreally?Likeaprivategame?
HBTourguide:Yea.
Robbie:Ohnice.What’sthegame,doyouknowhowbigitis?
HBTourguide:Thebuyin,anywherefromlike$200‐$500.
Robbie:Oh,cool.Doyoueverplay?
HBTourguide:No,Idon’tknowhowtoplay.
Robbie:Aw.
HBTourguide:Iwouldn’tmindlearning,itlooksfun.
Robbie:Yea.
HBTourguide:I’mnotmuchofagambler.
Robbie:Doyouneedapokercoach?
HBTourguide:Huh?
Robbie:Doyouneedapokercoach?
HBTourguide:Sure,youwanttoteachme?
Robbie:It’syourluckyday.
HBTourguide:IthinkIfoundit,it’sonMainSt.and…CrossstreetisMainst.
Robbie:ProbablyMainand‐
HBTourguide:Here,it’sNavyst.
Robbie:Whereisit?
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HBTourguide:NavyandMain.
Robbie:Youarethebest.
HBTourguide:Yougouptomain,yougottagonorth,andjusttakemainand‐
Robbie:Okay,thenIhitNavyandit’srightthere?
HBTourguide:Yea.
Robbie:Cool.What’syourname?
HBTourguide:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Robbie.
HBTourguide:Robbie.
Robbie:Reallygoodtomeetyou.
HBTourguide:Youtoo.
Robbie:Givemeyournumberandwe’llsetupthePokersession…
HBTourguide:310<confidentialitymute>.Callmeifyouwanttocheckoutmyfriend’sPokerspot.
Robbie:Iwill.
HBTourguide:It’sanicespot,it’sapenthouseloftrightbyStaples.Theyusuallyhavegirlsthereservingdrinks,andfood…
Robbie:Sweet.
HBTourguide:Coolpeople,mostlyguysthatplay,usuallytwogamesatthesametime.
Robbie:HowdoIspellyourname?
HBTourguide:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:Iactuallyforgotitandthatwasmyslickwayofaskingforitagain…
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HBTourguide:Iknow,Idothesamething.
Robbie:<confidentialitymute>.Iwill.
HBTourguide:<confidentialitymute>.Ifyouwannacheckitout.
Robbie:Ilovethatstuff,ittastesreallygood.
HBTourguide:Yea,Isellitatcost.Idon’tsellitatretail,whatdistributorspayforacase.Ifyou’reinterested,Isellitfor$100acasewhichislike$50offthenormalprice.
Robbie:Ohnice,myfriend’salreadygotmesignedup.
HBTourguide:714?
Robbie:Yea.
HBTourguide:Oh,soyou’reinthebusinessalready.
Robbie:Iam.
HBTourguide:Areyoudoingit?
Robbie:Notreally,Ijustdoittoenjoyit.
HBTourguide:Yea.Robbie?
Robbie:R‐O‐B‐B‐I‐EKramer.
HBTourguide:WithaCoraK?
Robbie:WithaK.
HBTourguide:<confidentialitymute>.
Robbie:What’syourbackround?
HBTourguide:I’mColumbian.
Robbie:I’vemetsomanyColumbianpeoplerecently.YouguysareallmigratingIguess…
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HBTourguide:I’vebeenheresinceIwasabout3,I’mawest‐sider,soyeaifyouneedatourguide…We’llexchange.
Robbie:Awesome,PokerforTourGuide,Ilikeit.
HBTourguide:Yea,Ihavealotoffreetime,sinceIdon’thaveajob.
Robbie:Iknow,<confidentialitymute>,myjobisbasicallyon‐line.
HBTourguide:Great.
Robbie:Greatmeetingyou.
HBTourguide:Alright,youtoo.
6:04
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WannagotoVegasandGetMarried?
00:14
Robbie:Noyawning…
HBVegas:<inaudible>.Idon’tlikeyourhat,though.
Robbie:Thisconversationiswaytooserious.Whoa!
HBVegas:Itwasserious.
Robbie:WannagotoVegasandgetmarried?
HBVegas:Tonight?
Robbie:Yea,rightnow.
HBVegas:Um,butIhavesomethinggoingoninthemorning,though.Maybenextweekend?
Robbie:Nextweekend,okay.SoIjustgottaletyouknow,Iamgonnabethestayathomedad,andyou’regoingtomakethemoney.
HBVegas:What?
Robbie:You’regoingtomakethemoney.
HBVegas:Idon’tknow.
Robbie:Why?Comeon!
HBVegas:Ijustdon’tknowifthat’sgoingtoworkforme.
Robbie:IpromiseIwillonlyplaygolffourtimesperweek,andyoucan‐
HBVegas:ButIplaysixtimesperweek.
Robbie:Youplay?
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HBVegas:Iplaytennis,sono…
Robbie:Youplaytennis?
HBVegas:Ohthatworks…
Robbie:Butyou’regoingtohavetomakethemoneytopayforthebabysitters.
HBVegas:Idon’tknow!
1:30
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