HAPPY TO BE ME: IMPROVING BODY IMAGE AND

INCREASING SELF ESTEEM

Joelle Arlt MS Happytobeme.tv

Joelle Arlt, MS Mental Health Counseling

Self esteem answers the question “How do I feel about who I am?”

“To have high self esteem is to feel confidently appropriate to life, that is, a feeling of competence and a feeling of worthiness” Nathaniel Brandon

EXTERNAL VS CORE

Global self esteem vs situational

• Global self esteem is constant but not set in stone. Raising it is possible, but not easy

• Situational self esteem varies based on what is happening in the person’s life

• Situational self esteem fluctuates based on events, roles and circumstances

• Situational high one moment (ie work) then low in another situation (ie at home)

Low self esteem is a negative evaluation and low opinion of yourself

Self esteem affects all areas of life

Self esteem is learned

Self Esteem is a Muscle

Self discovery

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice –Peggy O’mara

What beliefs about yourself did you learn in childhood?

Story

Core beliefs about beauty • What do you believe is

beautiful? • How did you come to

believe that?

• Who decides what is beautiful?

Layers of beliefs

Set A Good Example

Identify triggers to low self esteem and feeling bad about yourself

ABC Method A = Activating Event B = Beliefs and the meaning you give it C = Consequences or results

A Invitation

Invitation

B I am fat

I am ok just as I am

C Feel lousy/ crabby/ don’t want to go/

shame Go to party,

have fun

Cognitive Distortions

A utomatic N egative T houghts

Old patterns and beliefs are changed with consistent,

regular practice

Visualization/ relaxation

Self talk

Mindfulness

• Stop and Notice • Awareness • Notice reaction • Slow down the

reaction • Choose a new

response

Watch out for self talk that is negative, self-defeating or unrealistic.

Monitor your self talk

• What would you say if a friend said that?

• Is there a more positive way to look at the situation?

• Is there evidence? • Is it true? • Can you do something

about it? • Are you keeping things in

perspective?

How you talk to yourself matters!

Use “you” in self talk (You can do it!) Instead of “I” (I can do it)

Turn down the volume on your negative thoughts

Look for ways to put a better spin on the situation Ask better questions

I am good enough!

Society and the media create an unrealistic demand of beauty and body image, the “thin ideal” that is nearly impossible to achieve or sustain

The thin ideal VS

The healthy ideal

Research indicates that 3-5 minutes of FAT TALK can SIGNIFICANTLY increase body dissatisfaction

Go FAT TALK free!

Stop criticizing yourself …. and other people

Stopping unfair criticism of yourself will help you accept your imperfections and mistakes

The healthy ideal is the best and healthiest YOU that YOU can be!

LOVE the SKIN you’re IN!

PERFECTIONISM = SELF SABOTAGE

Perfectionism • Hurts our body image • When our standards

are too high it leads to disappointment with our bodies

• Plays a role in eating disorders

• Leads to comparing ourselves to the thin ideal (tv, movies, mags, media)

Affirmations

Perfectionism • Set realistic goals • Stop comparing yourself to other people • Accept that it is ok to make mistakes • Don’t move the goal posts • Appreciate your efforts • Be kinder to yourself • Keep things in perspective • Stay flexible • Know that your best is good enough

Nevertheless exercise Even though____ nevertheless ______

Your flaws and imperfections are what

make you unique!

I will only feel good about myself when….

Self-acceptance

SELF ACCEPTANCE

Self acceptance has two parts: 1.Giving an accurate self assessment

of strengths, successes and body

2. Getting comfortable with ‘what is’ and not beating yourself up or criticizing yourself for imperfections, mistakes, weaknesses and failures

Self judgment

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE

I accept and love all my flaws and imperfections!

High levels of self acceptance and

self understanding

helps women be ok with

imperfections in their body

Self love

If you really loved yourself, how would you take care of yourself today?

People don’t take care of things they don’t like. Do you treat your body like a Ferrari or a junker?

Notice how food affects mood

Stop beating yourself up about food

What are your reasons for exercise?

Self respect and valuing yourself is an important part of self esteem and

healthy body image.

Adolescent girls that like their body gain less weight over time than adolescent girls that hate their body

Drop your conditions for considering yourself sexy and beautiful

Learn to Accept Compliments

Self Love is a verb

Summary

• Notice and challenge your self talk – NO FAT TALK

• Accept yourself – Your value is not based on your body/looks

• Take good care of yourself – Love yourself and treat yourself like you would

treat your best friend

I celebrate, appreciate, adore, acknowledge, accept and LOVE my body right now!

Love the skin you’re in

Resources

• Video blog and self-esteem, self confidence, body image, self worth and self love

content and inspirational quote pictures • <happytobeme.tv>

• Facebook

/Twitter/Pinterest/Instagram/Youtube Happy to be me tv

QUESTIONS? JOELLE ARLT, MS EMAIL HAPPYTOBEME.TV@GMAIL.COM