impact! what every woman needs to know to go from ...impact! what every woman needs to know to go...

IMPACT! What Every Woman Needs to Know to Go From Invisible to Invincible

© 2009 Nancy D. Solomon All Rights Reserved www.NancyDSolomon.com



Essay #24

Allowing Yourself to be Powerful: #24

Permission 2.0

Permission 2.0 is to women, what Web 2.0 is to the high tech industry.

Permission 2.0 represents a paradigm shift in the dynamic between women and their

personal power, and how that impacts their ability to live invincibly.

What has evolved, over time and politics, is how we perceive ourselves. Our reality in

relation to our power has changed because our perceptions have changed. It is those perceptions

that impact our lives and the lives of those with whom we interface. Our perceptions changed

because they had to, because it became too darn painful to continue to argue against ourselves.

What does this mean to us? That we can now vote for ourselves instead of voting against

the other gender. We can choose to take all the energy that we once spent holding ourselves

back, stuffing down our resentment, hiding our anger and allowing ourselves to be victims and

put it to good use: We can use that energy to give ourselves permission.

This 2.0 conversation is about including women in the

power equation, not excluding men from the same.

This next phase in the evolution of our personal power demands that we own it—fully

and full time. Despite our ambivalence about it, we also get to embrace and abide the

responsibility that accompanies personal power. (Essay #10). The times insist that we stop

tossing our power ‘over there’ like it’s a personal land mine, hoping it will detonate in someone



else’s life. Did you ever notice that when we do that, it’s us who suffers the wounds from the

shrapnel?

Instead of being resentful of the problems and challenges that go with being powerful,

Permission 2.0 encourages us to bring that power as close as we can. Collaborating with it, and

with others who have it, will amplify the positive change we create in the world. Call it ‘user

participation,’ if you like. It is a dynamic phenomenon in which we treat permission as a partner

crucial to our success and accomplishments: Because it is.

Permission 2.0 does not speak of authority and prerogative, or consent and privilege, nor

does it imply that our destiny belongs in the hands of another. Permission 2.0 isn’t partnered with

someone having ‘power over’ us, and it has no association with restraint, pain, subjugation, or

limitations.

We need to take our place, not ask for it.

§ If you want to present at the next conference, submit a proposal; don’t wait for some to

‘discover you.’

§ If you want the lead on a new project, step up and say so; don’t wait for your manager to

come knocking.

§ If you’re not being treated fairly, develop a case and present it; you should always treat

yourself better than everyone else does.

§ If your manager handed you too many projects that were all due the day before they were

given to you, prioritize them with the information you already have—then sit down with

him/her and come up with a strategy that works for both of you; s/he may not have any

idea that you were putting in fifteen hour days (and s/he won’t care unless you do).



§ If your best friend has become full maintenance, sit her down and compassionately tell

her the truth rather than just walk away because she didn’t ‘get it;’ you’d want someone

to do the same for you.

§ If your children expect more from you than you’re willing to give, set a healthy boundary

with them; they are too self-centric to even think about reading your mind.

§ If you want to make love tonight, take the initiative with your partner; don’t expect him /

her to guess that tonight’s his/her lucky night.

Permission 2.0 is all about us. It is we who grant ourselves authorization to do whatever

we want. It is we who have license to stamp approval on our plans for our purpose. It is we who

gives ourselves life’s green light.

This is a radically different life than our mothers and grandmothers chose for themselves:

It’s a whole new game we’re now playing. We get to make up our own rules as we go along—

rules custom designed to fit idiosyncratic us.

Permission 2.0 is to your success, what gas is to your car.

Without it, you’re not going anywhere.

The word permission comes from the Latin verb, permittere, which means ‘allow’. It’s

not the meaning of the word that has changed over time, but the interpretation of the meaning

that has been transformed. In our culture, we once had it made up that ‘allowing’ was something

that was extended from one person to another. Perhaps the first idea we need to get used to is that

no one is going to save us. The second idea is that we don’t need saving. We have power to

spare. What I know to be true, in the context of women’s self-empowerment, is that we are both

the giver and the receiver of permission. It is we who give ourselves permission. Or not.



It is synonymous with ALLOWING. You don’t have to put your

foot on the accelerator; you just need to take it off the brake.

What is it that you want? Where would you like to grant yourself permission? If there

were no one in the world whose judgments would interfere with life’s enticements, what would

be on the top of your “get to give yourself” list?

Would it be…..

¨ Permission to be the leader ¨ Permission to leave that twenty year relationship ¨ Permission to leave old friends behind ¨ Permission to speak your mind ¨ Permission to disagree with your boss’ boss’ boss ¨ Permission to follow instead of lead ¨ Permission to stop being a victim ¨ Permission to go for that job that you’re not totally qualified for ¨ Permission to ask for a raise when there’s no money in the budget ¨ Permission to return to school for a degree you’ve always wanted ¨ Permission to get married at 50 years old ¨ Permission to not have any children ¨ Permission to put something down, like guilt or envy ¨ Permission to walk away from that mediocre job ¨ Permission to be a stay-at-home mom ¨ Permission to tell the truth ¨ Permission to forgive ¨ Permission to not apologize ¨ Permission to not go for it. Now ¨ Permission to stay single ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨

When I first coined the term Permission 2.0 in 2004, I was looked at rather oddly, and I

was frequently asked to repeat myself (neither of which is actually rare). Reminiscent of the

50’s, the notion of permission still carried with it the stigma of political incorrectness. I found

that people either denied its role in their success or treated the word like toxic waste. When I



toyed with the idea, however, of naming this book Permission 2.0, 100% of my focus group said,

“People won’t get it;” it’ll trigger the “I give you permission” button in the reader. I think we sell

one another short.

The current incarnation of ‘permission’ was born out of, and is anchored to, the notion

that we arrived on our birth day equipped with everything we need to live our life purpose and to

have maximum impact. What is required of us to live invincibly is that we:

• Make room for something that already exists

• Give it permission to express itself

• Provide it with an environment in which it can flourish

In a sentence: Permission 2.0 is an invitation to get out of the way of our dreams, aspirations and

desires, and to stop interrupting our own success.

You know what that sounds like: “But, but , but……” Please, ladies, let’s put those ‘buts’ behind

us, where they belong.

It seemed revolutionary when I first realized that if we want to “turn our potential into

performance,” we don’t have to do anything; we have to stop doing some things. Think about

it—we already have everything we need to be successful. We just have to sit still and take a

comprehensive inventory of what we already have. We are already the person we strive to be.

We don’t have to do one more thing to become more of, or better at, who we are already. We can

RELAX. Our ‘only’ job is to show up as authentically, as truthfully, as transparently and as

congruently as humanly possible.

Here’s the real beauty of the thing: It’s our choice alone— and there are few places in life

where we can honestly claim that. The decision to be ourselves and to both risk the vulnerability

that comes with it, and reap the infinite rewards as a result of having done so, is entirely up to us.



No one else gets to weigh in on the decision. There’s no committee, no consensus, no vote but

our own. How liberating is that!

All of that time we spent improving ourselves, saving ourselves, and changing ourselves

could have been better spent just being ourselves. All of that energy could have been put toward

becoming the woman we want to grow into. To think of the tens of thousands of dollars we’ve

spent on therapy getting to that very basic conclusion: That we were okay to start with and then

the world around us messed us up. Now that we’re the down road some distance, we can take

what we learned from the fallout, and turn it into something usable for our future, for who we are

planning to become when we give ourselves even more permission 2.0.

Permission 2.0 has nothing to do with becoming someone we’re not,

and every thing to do with being more of who we already are.

Permission 2.0 extends to who we want to become, going forward: Who we’ve decided

we deserve to evolve into over time. We don’t get where we’re going staying fabulous forever:

Inevitably we’ll have to get gummed up again if we’re to grow into a bigger, more invincible

version of ourselves.

For the present, we don’t have to lose that five pounds in order to be acceptable. We

don’t have to know how to talk to him in bed in order to be considered a desirable woman. We

don’t need to get flat abs in ten days or learn the five secrets to anything in order to lead a

powerful life. Phew! Now isn’t that’s a relief? This also means that we don’t have to feel

compelled to compare ourselves to the airbrushed teenagers on the covers of the women’s

magazines at the check out stands either. Collective sigh.



All of which set’s the stage for us to become as strategic about what we want for our lives

as we are about what we want for our businesses. A long-range plan is not two days, it is ten or

twenty years (at least). A long-term strategy doesn’t just come to us, we have to plan for it.

INITIATE IMPACT!

1. Where in my life would giving myself permission enable me to live more invincibly and

have more impact?

2. Where will I give myself permission to make a greater contribution at work?

3. In what ways would my relationships be enhanced if I give myself permission?

4. What should I be asking for (or taking) that I’m waiting for? (lead on a project, setting

boundary with kids, etc.)

impact! what every woman needs to know to go from ...impact! what every woman needs to know to go...

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