how to succeed in difficult conversations

How to succeed in difficult conversations

ObjectiveThe objective of this module is to • Identify difficult interpersonal

situations • Learn how to initiate and close

conversations in difficult situations• Minimize destructive

conversations• Develop precise questions to

conduct a skillful conversation.• Engage in open and productive

conversations

Introduction• Are you feeling overworked or under

appreciated? • Does your boss seem to be asking too much of

you, seemingly oblivious to the amount of work you already have on your plate?

• Do you have a colleague continually undermining you?

• Do you have feedback you’d like to give but are afraid to cause offence?

• Have you ever wished you had the courage to speak up and engage in a difficult conversation at work?

• Are you afraid of giving tough feedback to a subordinate ?

• Is challenging your boss on a highly controversial topic difficult?

• Can you approach your boss's boss when you feel you are stuck?

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Courageous Conversations – What, Why and How ?

What is courageous conversation?

• Courageous conversation simply put is a constructive and open discussion between two or more people on difficult topics and issues where stakes and emotions run high

• Courageous conversations are held • When ideas are met with continuous

resistance• When there is a lack of follow-

through on commitments• When uncomfortable situations

aren’t being addressed• When problems remain unresolved

What stops us?• Not knowing how to begin a

conversation• Uncertainty of the outcome • Fear of overly emotional

reaction• Stakes are high• Feel uncomfortable and

difficult• Not confident of handling

others emotions• Fear of damaging the

relationship• Fear of punishment

Need for courageous conversation• How severe is the situation that I am looking to

address?• What are my possible risks?• What are my possible gains?• Who is my recipient? • What is their personality like? • How are they likely to respond?

Reaction to courageous conversations

Attack

• Someone starts to respond aggressively or wants to control the discussion

• We feel we have lost control or we are not being heard

• We want others to share to view

Retreat

• Somebody withdraws or avoids conversation

• Connections are lost and there is communication barrier

• We don’t feel comfortable• We want to avoid conflict• We want to protect ourselves

3 types of courageous conversations

Nice

•What is wrong here? Can’t we just get along?

•It’s really not that big a deal. I should let it go. There is no need to create a big fuss.

•I was hoping that it would not come to this, but I guess should speak before it gets too late

Courageous

•Can I be totally honest with you?

•Thanks for sharing your perspective. May I share mine with you now?

•Let me start by telling you where I’m coming from and then I want you to hear from you

•I know it is going to hurt, but I don’t know how else to tell you this and it is something you must know

Fierce

•Okay, I am going to be very honest with you now. Be prepared to hear the truth

•I have told you the truth. If you can’t handle it , that’s your problem

Benefits of having courageous conversation

You

• Success at work and personal life• Better relationships• Reduced stress • Skill to tackle conflicts and difficult

behaviour

Organization

• Open and honest culture• Reduced turnover• Increased work satisfaction• Easy to address important issues

Cost of AvoidanceWhat is cost of avoiding it ? • Low team / personal

spirit• Time is lost• Increased conflict • High stress level• Missed opportunities


Process for Courageous Conversation

Process There is a process to having acourageous conversation and following it ensures Positive impact and desired result:• Prepare • Listen & Tell• Manage Reactions• Close

PrepareWhat outcome do you want from the conversation?• For yourself• For your partner• For the relationship

When having a courageous conversation , know:• When to start • What to share • How to close

How do I begin the conversation?

Here are a few conversation openers:

• I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.• I’d like to talk about ____________

with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.• I need your help with what just

happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?• I need your help with something. Can

we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, “Sure, let me get back to you,” follow up with him.

How do I begin the conversation?

Here are a few conversation openers:

• I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your thinking on this.• I’d like to talk about _______________.

I think we may have different ideas about how to ___________________.• I’d like to see if we might reach a better

understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.

Listen and Tell

Listen

Tell

Summarize

Manage ReactionsMake positive interpretations• Do not assume, ask• Make positive inferences

Remain authentic• State the fact• Be truthful

Be humble• Do not dominate• Stay calm and humble

Close

Prepare Listen & Tell Manage Reactions Close

Process

• Get to the point• State facts• Why now• State how you feel

about it? • What is the impact

on you/others

Tell your story

• Make positive interpretations

• Remain authentic

• Be humble

Manage reactions • Listen

patiently• Do not

judge or react

• Empathize Listen to their

story

• Summarize• Close

positively • Emphasize

the outcome

Close


Tips to having Courageous Conversations

5 rules to communicating effectively

1. Ensure accuracy and is backed up with facts

2. Collect all necessary information 3. Avoid repetition and adjectives

when you speak4. Rehearse conversation before

the actual one5. Be prepared and stay calm while

receiving feedback and giving feedback

10 ways to have Courageous conversations1. Check your ego, set your

Intention right2. Mean what you say3. Set the emotional tone4. Be vigilant of victims and villains5. Facts First6. Discuss the “Difficult” 7. Don’t stoop8. Counter defensiveness with

humility9. Be clear in requests and

commitments10. Stay future focused

10 ways to have Courageous conversations

1. Check your ego, set your Intention right• Be clear on your objective• Think through the conversation• Rehearse what you want say• Be truthful• Be empathetic


2. Mean what you say• Have a sincere discussion• Give your honest opinion • Believe in what you say • Don’t be flattery• Respect others opinion • Choose the right words • Mean what you say

10 ways to have Courageous conversations3. Set the emotional tone• Rehearse what you what to say• Stay calm • Write down points you want to cover• Manage your emotions before handling others• If emotions run high, call off the conversation


4. Be vigilant of victims and villains• Listen to others view point • Build trust• Watch out for negative reactions

and handle them


5. Facts First• Get your facts right• Do not assume• Listen to others opinion• Use language that keeps

discussion open


6. Discuss the “Difficult” • Talk what is important • Do not beat around the bush• Do not avoid difficult

conversations• Do not keep your thoughts to

yourself • Speaking out helps reduce stress


7. Don’t stoop• Do not get angry at others• Do not behave the way others do• Be positive and stay calm• Take control of your emotions • When people behave wrong, do

not reciprocate


8. Counter defensiveness with humility• Address the problem and not the

person• Offer help to find a solution to

the problem• Be truly concerned• Appreciate their awkwardness

10 ways to have Courageous conversations9. Be clear in requests and commitments• Have clarity about the outcome you want• Let others know what you want• Make clear requests with specific actions• Keep your commitments • In case of non consensus, keep dialogue open • Schedule another meeting to discuss and close

10 ways to have Courageous conversations10. Stay future focused• Easy to blame and criticize others• Difficult to be disciplined• Focus on change required and not on the problem• Practice before you preach


For a free online course on this subject – enroll to our Course :

COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS

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Summary• Understand, appreciate and

overcome gaps/challenges to communicating effectively.

• Have a greater ability and courage to engage in difficult conversations.

• Manage yourself and your communication more effectively

• Have greater self -awareness• Have more tools and techniques

to have conversations• Have an improved ability to give

and receive feedback.

how to succeed in difficult conversations

Self Improvement