how to reduce your inner anger

Learn how to reduce your inner anger!

Executive Coach International Pte Ltd – www.liveyourmark.com

Stressing over what another person says can consume a lot of negative energy.

But we all know that it’s not going to help you or the other person.

Learn a method to become calmer and have more energy in life.


“Nobody can hurt me

without my permission.”

– Mahatma Gandhi


1st step:

Example: You are having a meeting, but during the meeting you didn‘t feel connected to the people and think the others do not understand you.

When you think about the conversation again you realize that you used words of self-defense, justifications, and assignments of guilt.


Realize when you feel uncomfortable when someone says something to you.

When interacting with other people, sometimes a person says things that may trigger certain reactions in you. As soon as we are conscious about those points, we can intervene and re-think our reactions.


As this process is not always easy, we will show you how to deal with such unpleasant circumstances in the 2nd step.


Give yourself self-empathy. Identify what just has been said or done, monitor the situation.

Separate it from your judgments.

Become clear about how you feel about it.

Are there any needs that you wanted to fulfil with your words and actions?


Example 1:

Leaving office angry:Feeling the comment was against you.


Let‘s see, if we can

reduce this part of

the meeting to

15 minutes.

interrupting you

Example 1:

You think: “He interrupted me and thinks that I need too much time.”

Then you notice that these thoughts are judgments and not observations. So you start again: “He interrupted me while I was speaking and said…”

While thinking about your anger you realize that you feel hurt, because your need of respect and understanding of the group was not given.

While getting in touch with your needs, you feel slowly relieved.


Give yourself self-empathy

Example 2: You are attending a workshop and chitchat and laugh in the beginning. Then somebody says:


“I don’t feel

comfortable with you

guys goofing around. I

thought this workshop is about a serious topic.”

What a Grinch!

energy loss

You notice that this words cause a loss of energy in you and that you have thoughts like:

Example 2:

You instantly ask yourself which need you wanted to fulfil.

You wanted to have the freedom to be who you are and feel good about it, as well as being in company by doing so.

With this thought you feel how you gain empathy for yourself and for the other participant.

After you inner change, you could gently talk to the other person.


Give yourself self-empathy

Change your perspective!

A sentence like: “He made me sad.” has the perspective of:He has control about me. He can make sure that I am sad. I’m powerless to feel differently than sad. → Using this language is giving up power about your own reactions, your feelings.

Saying instead:

“When I hear him saying that, I feel sad, because I need attention.” You describe your inner feeling about something that is recognized from the outside. → Using this language expresses that you know why you are sad and that his words are just a trigger of your emotion and not the reason itself.


Change your perspective!

The usage of the word “because” makes me and other people understand that my sadness results from my needs and my interpretation of his actions and hinders me to give the fault to the other person.

Other people that observe the same behavior of him, may have a different reaction towards it.


Using the technique of self-empathy often can help you feel physically and emotionally better.

To start practicing self-empathy, an outside support can be a big help. It can be anyone who helps you express your observations and identify your feelings and needs.

Alternatively, you can hire a professional and experienced Coach to work with you.


Having an experienced Coach helping you has many benefits. Working with a Coach can help:

- fulfill your need of empathy by- identifying your feelings and needs, which can- give you a sense of feeling better.


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how to reduce your inner anger

Leadership & Management