how to kill a vampire

Upload: dragonzombie0099

Post on 07-Apr-2018

275 views

Category:

Documents


0 download

TRANSCRIPT

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    1/14

    How to kill a vampire

    Equipment needed:-A Pointed steak (made of any material) + Hammer-A clove of garlic-A Cross Difficulty:

    7/10

    Guide:Step 1: Rub the garlic cloves over your body and clothes and put the cross around your neck, this ensures that if the vampire

    decides to attack in the middle of your slaying, he will be subdued by one or both of these two things.

    Step 2: Sharpen your steak. If your steak is dull and it does not pierce the vampire on the first strike, the vampire will wake upand attack.

    Step 3: Go to the vampires lair during the day and find out where he is sleeping.

    Step 4: Place the steak directly over the vampires heart. This will be in the center of the breastbone and about a inch to theleft.

    Step 5:Strike the blunt end of the steak with your hammer as hard as you can. The vampire will most likely scream in pain, andturn into a fine grey dust.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    2/14

    How to kill a Zombie

    Equipment needed:-A Rifle, preferably of a high caliber, with copious amounts of ammo-A close combat weapon (Axe, Baseball bat, Sword, Hammer)-A shelter/barrier to slow the flow of zombies

    Difficulty: 5/10Guide:Step 1: A Zombies power come from its numbers in a Zombie hoard, therefore a structure is needed to slow the flow of Zombies

    into a single file line. Barriers, furniture, doorways etc can all be used for this purpose

    Step 2: Place yourself behind the barrier and wait for the Zombie hoard to arrive.

    Step 3: When they arrive, aim for the head with whatever weapon you use. The Zombies brain must be destroyed in order to killthe Zombie. Any other damage to any other part of the Zombie, regardless of how severe, will not kill the Zombie.

    Step 4: Use up weapons from long range to short range, using rifles and the like first until all ammo is used, then and only thenshould one use short range weapons. This keeps the Zombies as far away from you as possible.

    Step 5: Keep on fighting until the hoard is eliminated, wait for help to arrive.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    3/14

    How to kill a Werewolf

    Equipment needed:-A long range rifle with an accurate scope-100% Pure silver bullets-An animal to use as bait Difficulty: 9/10

    Guide:Step 1: A werewolf is faster than a cheetah and stronger than an elephant, therefor, the only way to kill one is by surprise. Kill

    Some form of animal a leave its body bleeding in a clearing as bait.

    Step 2: Camouflage yourself by putting various branches, leaves, mud and rocks on top of and around your body, to blend yourselfinto the surrounding landscape. IMPORTANT: be sure to place yourself downwind of where you placed your bait, or elseyou risk the chance of becoming the bait.

    Step 3: When the werewolf arrives, you cannot waste any time, wait for the werewolf to face you. Be sure to already have yourgun loaded

    Step 4: The only way to kill a werewolf is to shoot it in the heart with a silver bullet. If you do not hit the heart on the first try,it will only piss the werewolf off, and you will become a chew toy. Aim for slightly left (your right) of the center of thechest, and fire.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    4/14

    How to kill Frankenstein

    Equipment needed:-A Rifle, preferably of a very high caliber, with copious amounts of ammo-A Slicing weapon (Sharp knife/axe/saw/sword)-Gasoline and a match Difficulty: 6/10

    Guide:Step 1: A Frankenstein monsters are cleverer than they look, so precautions must be taken to kill one. Find a place to hide were

    you wont be seen, If possible, surround your hiding place with fire lit torches, as the Frankenstein monster is naturallyafraid of fire.

    Step 2: Using your rifle, fire for the Frankenstein monster's Legs. Attempt to destroy the major bones within the legs with gunfireas to render the monster unable to walk.

    Step 3: Walk up closer to the disabled monster and continue to disable the arms and torso the same way you destroyed the legs

    Step 4: Once the monster is fully disabled, use your slicing weapon to cut the monster into pieces, IMPORTANT: Never putyourself within grasping range, as the Frankenstein monster at this point is still very much alive and very angry.

    Step 5: Place the separated parts into a pile, they will still all be moving/ screaming/attempting to hurt you at this point, so becareful.

    Step 6: Completely soak the pile of parts with copious amounts of gasoline, then light the pile on fire, be sure that the entire

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    5/14

    body of the monster is reduced to ash.How to a kill a Mummy

    Equipment needed:-A Library of history books-A detailed map-Time

    Difficulty: 8/10Guide:Step 1: A mummy is an unstoppable force, no matter what you do to it, it will put itself back together and continue to rampage.

    Theonly way to kill a Mummy is to say its true name to it. When you first see the zombie, be sure to take note of any jewelryit is wearing, pay attention to what museums in the place you are in are displaying, grab a newspaper if you have thechance and look up any information you can about the mummys origin. IMPORTANT: Be sure to keep as much space aspossible between you and the mummy in this initial stage

    Step 2: Drive Far, far away from the zombie and find a university/Library. Use the information you gathered in stage 1 to find outthe true name of the mummy, be sure to find out exactly how to pronounce it as well

    Step 3: Use news reports/follow the trail of carnage to find the mummy again.

    Step 4: Once the mummy spots you, and you are sure it is paying attention to you, say its name, the mummy will disintegrate intonothingness.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    6/14

    How to a kill a Chupacabra

    Equipment needed:-A sheep/goat to use as bait-A high Caliber rifle with a scope

    Difficulty: 2/10Guide:Step 1: Set up a pen with a live goat/sheep within it. Make sure it is in a Chupacabra rich area, and be sure that you are

    downwind from the sheep.

    Step 2: Chupacabra dont actively hunt humans, but they will attack when hurt or scared. It is a simple animal at its base, so awell placed gunshot to either its head or lung/heart area will most likely bring it down.

    Step 3: Be sure to give the creature a second shot right between the eyes to ensure death

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    7/14

    How to a get rid of a Ghost/Poltergeist

    Equipment needed:-A box of salt

    -Gasoline with matches.-Ouija board-A partner Difficulty: 4/10

    Guide:Step 1: Locate the place of haunting, be sure it is secluded to a single area of activity.

    Step 2: Cause the ghost to manifest in an area, by using an Ouija board or a sance ceremony. Manifestation can come in the formof disembodied voices, objects being moved, cold or hot spots in the air, or an actual ghost appearing. Take care to not

    become possessed, if you feel a force invading your mind, fight with all your might to push it out!

    Step 3: When the ghost manifests, get your partner to circle the haunted area/house/building with salt. This will trap the ghostwithin the haunted area, and it will not be able to escape.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    8/14

    Step 4: Escape the house yourself, douse the haunted area in gasoline, burn the haunted area.How to kill an Alien

    Equipment needed:-Grenades-High Caliber Rifle-Water and A high current electrical current

    Difficulty: 10/10Guide:Step 1: A difficult kill only because of how little we know about Aliens. They could literally be prepared and/or immune to anything

    we throw at it. We must then take advantage of their ignorance of the human race. First, find a spot where the aliens arelikely to appear, and place a shallow covering of water on it. Proceed to electrify the water. The aliens may be unaware ofa human being able to set such a trap.

    Step 2: If they get past the water proceed to throw a grenade at the alien. The alien will probably not be familiar with what agrenade is or does, and will not see it as a threat. Proceed to blow them up.

    Step 3: If they avoid the grenade, use an old fashion rifle. This is risky because it is likely that Aliens are aware of what a longdistance weapon is and does. They do have laser guns after all. Aim for the head, it is your best for disabling the alien.

    Step 4: If they get past everything, run for your life, and be very very cautious, they are most likely far more advanced than youare.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    9/14

    How to kill the Creature From The Black Lagoon

    Equipment needed:-An attractive human female-A Fully automatic gun

    -A weighted fish net

    Difficulty: 5/10Guide:

    Step 1: The Creature from the black lagoon has one weakness, it craves the company of a human female, so step one is to place ahuman female as bait near the Lagoon. Be sure that she has a clear escape route if things go badly.

    Step 2: As the creature nears the female, a weighted net must be dropped onto the creature, as it panics, it will become moretangled. But it will not be trapped for long, as it is very strong and possesses razor sharp claws.

    Step 3: It requires a large amount of bullets to kill the creature, so as soon as the creature is tangled, empty a full clip of bulletsinto it, be aware of the creatures movement, for as soon as it frees itself, it will be at your throat in an instant. Emptymultiple clips into the creature until it begin to resemble Swiss cheese.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    10/14

    How to kill a witch

    Equipment needed:-A bucket of water

    -A Cross-A Bible-A human baby

    Difficulty: 1/10Guide:

    Step 1: Set up the room as follows, a baby in a crib at the opposite side of the room, and a closet with you hiding within it withthe bible, cross, and the bucket of water. Witches love to eat delicious baby humans, so this is what we shall use as bait.

    Step 2: While waiting for the witch, use the bible and the cross to bless the water, turning it into a bucket of holy water.

    Step 3: The witch is likely to appear in the middle of the room out of nowhere; she will likely spot the baby and lunge for it, allyou need to do is burst out of the closet quickly and throw the bucket of water upon her. The holy water will turn her into

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    11/14

    a bubbling pool of liquid.How to kill a Sasquatch/Bigfoot

    Equipment needed:-A container of chewing Tobacco-A vial of chili powder-A hunting knife at least 6 inches in length

    Difficulty: 6/10Guide:Step 1: Firstly, you will not find the Sasquatch, it will find you, just be sure to be prepared when it does. The Sasquatch often

    likes to play with its food before he eats it. You must act quickly in this span of time. They are also aware of what a gun isand will disable it as soon as they find it on you. Step one is to let the beast observe you putting the tobacco near your

    face. The Sasquatch has become accustom to the taste and smell of tobacco over years of human interaction and nowactually craves the taste, use its weakness to catch it off-guard.

    Step 2: Soon, the Sasquatch will become curious and attempt to imitate you, as he does, pour the chili powder into the tobacco.When the beast has its face close to the container, hit or kick it as to allow chili powder to enter the eyes.

    Step 3: As the Sasquatch is reeling in pain, it will take its hands and arms to rub its eyes. Take what little time you have toplunge the knife into its now unprotected chest. IMPORTANT: be sure to stab the center of the chest with enough force

    to break through the breastbone, if you do not stab hard enough, it will only make the Sasquatch angry.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    12/14

    How to kill a fairy

    Equipment needed:-Smelling salts-Ear plugs-A butterfly net-A blunt object made of pure Iron.

    Difficulty: 3/10Guide:Step 1: The image of a fairy being a peaceful creature is false; it will use pheromones to lure an unsuspecting human deep into the

    forest to be consumed by hundreds of other fairies. To protect against this, first crack a stick of smelling salts and take abig whiff of it. This will stun your sense of smell while taking on the fairy. That till render its pheromones useless. Forgood measure, use ear plugs to plug your nose as well

    Step 2: Wander into a natural meadow filled with wildflowers and wait. A fairy will eventually appear and start to dance in front of

    your face, start to act as if you are under the pheromones spell by putting on a big dumb smile and swaying to the fairysdancing. This will trick the fairy into a false sense of security

    Step 3: Use your chance to catch the fairy in the butterfly net. Be quick, the fairy is faster than it looks. Trap the fairy in thenet by tying of the opening.

    Step 4: The only way to truly kill a fairy is to use an object made of Iron to end its life. Use the iron object to strike the fairyuntil death, the fairy will stop moving and turn into a small pile of leaves, flowers and other plant matter.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    13/14

    How to kill a lake monster/Ogopogo/Lock ness monster

    Equipment needed:-A large chunk of meat-Several sticks of dynamite-100 feet of Waterproof fuse wire and high tension rope-A blasting cap-An electrical switch box with batteryDifficulty: 6/10

    Guide:Step 1: First fix a blasting cap and a fuse wire to each stick of dynamite, then proceed to stick the dynamite securely into the

    chunk of meat. Attach the other end of the fuse wire to the electrical switch box. Next attach the rope to the piece ofmeat and the other end to a tree(or some immovable object) on shore. IMPORTANT: Be sure the hunk of meat is largeand heavy enough as to not be picked off by some smaller fish/animal.

    Step 2: Using a small boat, take the meat into deep waters at least 50 feet from shore, head back to shore, turn on the electricalswitch box, and wait.

    Step 3: Watch the end of the rope attached to the tree/immovable object. When its slack completely tightens, flip the switch. Alarge thud should follow followed by an immense water bubble filled with body parts and blood.

    Step 4: Be sure the monster is dead by waiting for the bulk of the dead body to float to the surface and drift to shore, proceedby using the remaining dynamite to blow up the rest of the body. Better to be safe than sorry.

  • 8/4/2019 How to Kill a Vampire

    14/14

    How to kill a Goblin

    Equipment needed:-A friend (Who happens to be an elf)-A sharp pin-A sword

    Difficulty: 4/10Guide:Step 1: A goblin is a supernatural creature that can form and reform its body from any and all damage. There is only one way to

    kill a goblin using elfs blood. First get a sword of any kind, and use a pin to get a small amount of blood on blade of thesword. Let the blood dry so it does not simply drip off of the sword when you need it

    Step 2: Go to a place of rot and darkness, a dark alleyway, a garbage dump etc. Goblins reside here.

    Step 3: Goblins are quite clumsy, so killing it is not difficult, its the fact that it can instantly heal all wounds that ma kes them aformidable opponent. Be sure to strike the goblin anywhere on his body with the part of the sword containing elfs blood.The goblin will disintegrate into a pile of rotting matter.