How to Help Families with Special Needs Children: Guide forFriends and Family Members - Yahoo Voices

When you have a child with a disability, especially one not well understood like autism, friends andfamily members stop visiting and eventually stop contacting you altogether. Children with autismhave no visible signs of disability. Their behavior is misunderstood to be willful so their parents areblamed for not "putting their foot down". It can be a very isolated existence. Not only does the familyhave a stressful time of it, they then are abandoned by loved ones. This article is on what you can dofor the family of a child with autism or other special needs. Many things are so simple and take littletime or effort but would make a huge impact on the family's life. Here are just a few ideas but themost important way to help is to ask the family what they need specifically. My daughter is autisticso it is geared more to children with autism.

1. Parents get little sleep as their child does not need much sleep. Stop over and tell them to take ashort power nap while you play with their child.

2. When you grocery shop, call and ask if there is anything you can pick up for them at the store.This really helps when the child is a preschooler and home all day. Many autistic children getoverstimulated by crowded marketplaces.

3. Let the parents know that you will be their emergency contact in case of illness or accident. Thiswill create a peace of mind that is priceless especially in single parent households.

4. Offer to mow the grass or shovel the walkway as many parents can't leave their children insidealone while they do this.

5. Instead of a Christmas gift, send a card with a note that you will come spend some time with thechild while the parent cleans house or runs errands.

6. If you are a neighbor, offer to help carry in groceries or entertain the child while the parent does.

7. Find resources locally that will help fulfil needs the child has or be helpful to the parents likesupport groups.

8. Offer phone support. Many times parents can't get out to support meetings and could use asounding board or just a listening ear.

9. Never try and tell the parent what they "should" or "should not" be doing. Parents know theirchild best and these children have therapists and specialists giving advice already. Unless youspecifically know the child and know the condition that the child has, your advice may not fit.

10. Don't assume that the parents don't know what they are doing or that the child's diagnosis iswrong. These children have been tested and retested again and again.

11. Go to the home instead of inviting them to yours. The home probably has safety items in place forthe child whereas yours doesn't. Many parents will decline without explaining this.

12. If you go to a potluck dinner, make them a plate and drop it by. Or when you are baking cookiesfor Christmas, remember the family. Just the thought will brighten their day. (Ask what the child will

eat or if they are on a special diet.)

13. Never insist the child eat something that is not on their diet. Many autistic children haveproblems with some textures and can't eat certain foods. Sneaking food to the child could result inregression of behaviors or stomach issues.

14. Always stay calm around the child. Great gifts for autistic children are soothing quieter itemsrather than noisy toys. Many have sound sensitivity. Talking loud will upset them.

15. Talk to your children about the child and about autism. (You may need to research autism first).Emphasize good traits as well as difficulties the child may have. The child may scream and meltdownwhen touched but never tells a lie. Children are notorious for being wonderful advocates for autisticchildren and other children with special needs. Going so far as explaining what the child does notlike to adults.

16. Be understanding and supportive. The parents probably have had many friends and familymembers who don't speak to them any longer as they do not understand autism.

17. Get to know the child's likes and dislikes. Maybe the child loves music but hate television. Don'tforce eye contact if the child is not making eye contact yet. Never touch the child before he touchesyou. Don't force hugs or kisses, wait for the child to come to you or ask for a hug. Try redirectinginstead of stopping an unwanted activity. Don't try and suppress hand flapping or other calmingbehaviors the child has. Also learn the child's mannerisms. This will show you telltale signs of animpending meltdown so you can switch gears and do something different.

18. Talk to your church about making it a safe place for disabled children to come. Maybe have aspecial needs Bible Study class with extra help so these families can also attend church.

19. Don't stand in the doorway talking when you visit. Autistic children tend to run off and could getlost or injured. Come in and close the door behind you for safety.

20. Offer to stop by so the parent can shower or take a long hot bath!

Above all, never judge. These parents are probably exhausted, running on little sleep, and doing thebest they can. Talking to them about discipline that worked for your non-autistic, neurotypical childis not helpful at all. All children are different but children with autism are overly sensitive totextures, sounds, touch, scents, and more that the parents can't control it. Even with discipline.