how to calm your anger adapted from when chicken soup isn’t enough, by bradley p. barris (scroll...
TRANSCRIPT
How to Calm Your Anger
Adapted from When Chicken Soup Isn’t Enough,
by Bradley P. Barris
(Scroll down to move through the presentation.)
Imagine an event where you reacted with anger.
ANGER
Did the event itself cause your anger?
Would 100 different people in the same situation all react
with anger?ANGER
Imagine an event where you reacted with anger.
ANGER
Imagine an event where you reacted with anger.
If not, it can’t be a cause and effect
relationship.
ANGER
Imagine an event where you reacted with anger.
Something else must be occurring
between the event and your anger.
Event
ANGER
What did you say to yourself in response
to the event?
ANGER
Event
Did you use a rule word, such as
should?
He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . !
He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . !
ANGER
Event
Using rule words is like pouring gasoline
on a fire.
He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . !
ANGER
Event
It increases the intensity of emotion in response to an
event.
ANGER
Event
Some other rule words are ought,
have to, and must.
He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . !
ANGER
Event
To calm your anger, try replacing your rule words with
preference words.
He / She should / shouldn’t have . . . !
ANGER
For example: I’d rather. . . I’d prefer. . . It would be nice. . .
Event
ANGER
It would be nice if he / she . . . , but I don’t have control over that.
Event
ANGER
It would be nice if he / she . . . , but I don’t have control over that.
Event
Preference words cool your anger. . .
ANGER
Event
It would be nice if he / she . . . , but I don’t have control over that.
. . .and replace it with irritation. . .
IRRITATION
IRRITATION
. . .which is much more manageable
than anger.
Event
Summary
So. . .
The next time you feel angry,
Change your rule word to a preference,
And replace your anger with IRRITATION.