A NEWLY RENOVATED TREASURE ON CAPITOL HILL

BEAUTIFULLY RENOVATED.A hidden retreat on a cozy, tree-lined street in Capitol Hill. Explore this charming assisted living community within blocks of St. Joe’s, St. James Cathedral, grocery stores, retail shops, medical care and restaurants.

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In Western Washington, if you bump into the love of your life in line for coffee at Starbucks,

the odds that your newly discovered soulmate will also be Catholic are one in eight. This is based on an official report by archdiocesan statistician Mary Beth Celio. (She didn’t mention Starbucks, but you get the idea.) Unfortunately, couples who do not share the same faith face unique challenges. No matter how much love they share, if Brad is Catholic and Jenna is not, this difference will be felt — even if Jenna is supportive of Brad’s faith.

Denominational difference “does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage,” the catechism notes, but “the difficulties of mixed mar-riages must not be underestimated.” (CCC 1634) The Catholic in the couple is responsible for keeping their own faith alive and growing. A “whatever, it’s all the same” religious indifferentism might seem like a solution to religious

disagreements in marriage, but our souls deserve more integ-rity than a superficial glossing over of differences.

The Catholic husband or wife is responsible not only for keeping their own faith, but for raising their children Catho-lic, too. This calls for an extra dose of fortitude — nay, hero-ic virtue, even. It’s hard enough for two married Catholics to get themselves, their children, and all their children’s shoes out the door to Mass on a Sunday morning early enough not to have to file into that one last empty pew in the front row. Doing it solo has got to be that much harder. Hats off to those non-Catholic spouses who come to Mass with the family in solidarity!

Any way that interfaith couples can find to unite in the arena of spirituality, prayer, worship and values, while still respecting the integrity of each other’s faith and religious freedom, will be a source of strength for their marriage. Mutual respect and kindness will go a long way toward easing tensions. Here are some ideas:

Seek spiritual intimacy any way that it is possible. According to the social scientist W. Bradford Wilcox, “The best religious predictor of being happy in a relationship is praying together as a couple.” Couples who are both baptized Christians can find many ways to pray and reflect on Scripture together. Many denominations even share the same lectionary as the Catholic Church, so our Sunday read-ings are parallel. Spouses married to non-Christians can still find ways to speak words of gratitude, blessing and petition for and with one another in various forms. Even a “mindful-ness” practice together can help!

Show interest and support for each other’s worship. Attending and showing interest in each other’s church services (respecting regulations about Communion, of course) is a wonderful way to express solidarity, work toward unity, and keep faith from slipping away. Just don’t replace your Sunday Mass obligation with your spouse’s worship service.

Shared values matter significantly in couples’ happiness. In general terms, can you identify core virtues and beliefs that you share? Maybe you can decide together that you want honesty, generosity or compassion to be a hallmark of your marriage and family.

Cultivate your own faith with study and support. Find a prayer or study group at your parish, a faith-building podcast for your commute, or some other way to feed your faith. Nurturing your faith can help you be a more loving husband or wife.

Pass on the gift of faith to your children. Give them a rich experience of Catholic devotion and more than a su-perficial intellectual understanding of Catholic beliefs. Even if they choose a different faith when they grow up, raising them as “nothing” in order to avoid conflict does not serve them well.

While we pray for the reunification of Christians, inter-faith couples can live a fruitful experience of ecumenism and inter-religious dialogue right in their own homes. ΩSarah Bartel, a member of St. Andrew Parish in Sumner, holds a doctorate in moral theology and ethics from The Catholic University of America, where she specialized in marriage, family, sexual ethics and bioethics. She blogs at www.drsarahbartel.com.

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SARAH BARTEL

How do I keep my faith and my marriage strong if my spouse isn’t Catholic?

‘Mixed marriages’ bring challenges — here are some ideas for overcoming them

Kevin C

ruff

After Neal Tunison suffered a fall in 2005, his wife Pauline could no longer take care of him in their West Seattle condo.

Neal needed extra care, but what would that look like?

It’s a question facing a grow-ing number of families as the baby boomer generation ages. How do you approach such a difficult topic?

“We just had to have a hard con-versation about what to do with Mom

and Dad,” said Melissa Bovenkamp, one of the Tunisons’ six children.

The couple, longtime members of Holy Rosary Parish in West Seattle, had sold their house and were living in a condo. Now, the Tunisons wanted to live in a facility where they could stay together in their familiar neigh-borhood and easily practice their faith.

But their children couldn’t agree where Pauline should live. Since she

doesn’t drive, should she move into a care facility with Neal, or stay in the condo? And Neal hid the severity of his health condition from the family, Bovenkamp said.

“I think we were in denial,” she said. “We wanted them to keep their inde-pendence.”

It took nine months (during which Neal lived in two different facilities) before there was an opening at the family’s first choice, Providence

Don’t let a crisis dictate your parents’ late-life care

1312 Northwest CatholiC  |  April 2018  |  NWCatholic.org

YOUR FAM ILY M ATTERS L AT E-L I F E CA RE — SPECI A L A DVERT I S I N G SECT I ON

NEVER BE LATE FOR CHURCH.

SKYLINE • 725 9TH AVE • SEATTLE, WA 98104

A 62+ CCRC lifestyle community offering Life Care to all residents

Living at Skyline, across the street from St. James Cathedral, makes it easy to attend Mass.We’re hosting an educational event on Tuesday, April 17, and you’re invited. It’s your chance to tour Skyline’s beautiful community, attend a seminar on strategies for downsizing and hear the latest updates in elder law. You’ll meet our Rightsize Expert, Eric Rovner of HB Move Management, and Rebecca King of Northwest Elder Law.

Seattle’s only true Life Care community, Skyline offers cosmopolitan, condo-style living with 360-degree views. A walk score of 97 means you have access to the best of Seattle’s culture, arts and amenities. Life Care guarantees predictable living expenses, including assisted living, memory support and skilled nursing.

Date: Tuesday, April 17

Time: 10:30am—12:30pm

Location: Skyline, 725 9th Ave, Seattle, WA 98104

Space is limited! Please RSVP at (206) 701-6933, or at SkylineSeattle.org.

Light refreshments will be served.Complimentary valet parking

At home in the community. It’s more than hospitals and clinics. It’s knowing your needs. And your first name. It’s getting kids to move, and young adults through medical school. Making it easier to live well, and harder to fall through the cracks. It’s creating healthier communities, together.

psjhealth.org

TIPS FOR PLANNING PARENTS’ LATE-LIFE CARE

Start the conversation early.

Listen to parents’ goals and preferences.

Learn about the spectrum of care services: in-home care, assisted living residence, 24-hour care facility.

Ask for recommendations from family, friends and fellow parishioners.

Visit facilities informally and take time to interact with the staff.

Source: Providence Mount St. Vincent

Mount St. Vincent in West Seattle. Neal moved into the skilled nursing section at “The Mount” in March 2006; a month later, Pauline moved into an assisted living apartment on the same floor. They were able to spend time together each day and attend Mass in the facility’s chapel.

“The Mount was such a perfect fit for them in every way,” Bovenkamp said.

Don’t wait for a crisisIt can be difficult for adult children to start these conversations, so they’re

often triggered by an unexpected hospitalization, according to Robert Hellrigel, chief executive of Providence Senior and Community Services.

“The key is … don’t wait for a crisis. It’s just a terrible way to plan and live,” Hellrigel said. It’s better to approach the subject “from a perspective of love rather than a perspective of fear,” he added.

An adult child can engage aging parents by saying something like, “I want the best for you. Let’s have that conversation now,” Hellrigel said.

He recommends asking parents their priorities and preferences for daily care, long-term living arrangements and end-of-life directives. Consider where parents wish to live and the type of community where they will thrive as they age.

“Find a place that is vibrant and full of love,” Hellrigel advised.For Pauline, now 90, that place is The Mount. She enjoys her group of friends

and regularly sees her son, Patrick, who got a job there as a chef after Neal died in 2010.

From her apartment window, she can see Holy Rosary Church, where she practiced her Catholic faith for so many years. Now, The Mount has also become her spiritual home.

“The facility is wonderful for us because we can go to Mass and receive sacraments,” Pauline said.

– Nathan Whalen

1514 Northwest CatholiC  |  April 2018  |  NWCatholic.org

L ATE- L IFE CARE — SPECIAL ADVERTIS ING SECT ION