HospitalsWhy do they charge so much?

Mock Newscast AssignmentBy Kim Crone

Hospitals…why do they charge so much and why do we pay those amounts?

Here’s a story for you. This little girl fell from a couch and split her forehead open on a table, so she went to the hospital.

All they did was seal her cut with a dab of glue. Then they got the bill. The family was billed for one thousand six hundred and ninety six dollars!

They could’ve glued her head with this

and saved one thousand six hundred and ninety fourdollars. This must really be some super glue.

What is it made from, a past Kentucky Derby winner? Like that would justify the cost? Hey, I see Chef Guy Fieri standing behind that Kentucky Derby winner.

I wonder if he’s thinking about what’s going to

happen to this animal after it goes to horsie heaven. My guess is glue’s not on his mind. Listen, if you eat at one of Guy Fieri’srestaurants, you might want to ask if you burger was once named

Bessie or Sea Biscuit.

No two hospitals charge the same amount for the same treatment even if they’re from the same town. Case in point…one Tylenol with

codeine pill costs fifty cents. If you take just one at the hospital, it will cost you thirty seven dollars. For that amount, you’d think it would do more than take the edge off your pain and make you more drowsy, right?

Jeez, I hope so. It should really be doing this…

Hospitals are the largest drivers of

medical inflation. The most expensive hospitals charge more than twelve thousand and five hundred dollars a day!

Look at this guy.

Well, he gets a roof over his head, tasteless food and an uncomfortable bed. Know what he doesn’t get? Rest! And that’s because a nurse wakes him up every half hour to take his blood pressure. [Mimic nurse voice] Your blood pressure’s a little high. [Regular voice]. No (bleep), that’s because you keep waking me up and pissing me off,

Nurse Ratched!

It’s no wonder somebody flew over the cuckoo’s nest!

Okay, most people have health insurance. But even so, they’re still socked with copays and huge deductibles. Warren Browner, CEO

from California Pacific Medical Center, said there are good reasons why patients are charged so much. It’s because they have highly trained professionals available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. They have to constantly upgrade to the latest equipment to

meet patient’s expectations. But you know what, studies haven’t found a link between prices and patient outcomes. Shocker. And there are no market restrictions, so they can pretty much bill whatever they want.

Between you and me, I think the money coming from insurance companies and patients is going straight to these CEOs.

We’d really hate to see them have to live in squalor now, wouldn’t we?

Hospitals have something they call a chargemaster price list, which keeps track of how much money a patient racks up. Everyone should double check this list.

Remember what I said earlier about that little girl

who had her forehead glued? One of the charges was for five hundred and twenty nine dollars. It was listed on the chargemaster list as “supplies and devices.” The family later found out it was for the gauze wrapped around the kid’s head…

which had a Hello Kitty sticker. Talk about sticker shock! This could’ve been bought at the drug store for under a dollar. I think hospitals should take a cue from restaurants and become a BYOB…

bring your own bandages!!

So hospitals can set prices as high as they want. Who else can do that? Let’s say Olive Garden decided to charge for each bread stick separately.

What if they wanted to charge thirty-five dollars for each bread stick? Sounds ridiculous, right? That’s because it is! The biggest difference between hospitals and Olive Garden is that hospitals demand a lot more dough than bread sticks.

We’ll be right back.