hidden portraits - hidden landscapes

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Ambivalent portraits that are landscapes, dreams

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  • hidden landscapes

    hidden portraits

    yesod nosek

  • A j utaznak nincs hatrozott titerve s szndka sem a megrkezsre.

    Lao Tzu

    Valaki lhet brtnben mgha a cella ajtaja zratlan is de befel nylik, amig fel nem tnik neki hogy a nekifeszls helyett inkbb hznia kellene.

    Semmi sem nehezebb mint nem flrevezetni nmagunkat.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein

    A dolgok pontosan olyanok mint amilyennek tnnek, s mgttk... semmi sincs.

    Jean Paul Sartre

  • A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.

    Lao Tzu

    A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door thats unlocked and opens inwards; as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.

    Nothing is so difficult as not deceiving oneself.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein

    Things are entirely what they appear to be and behind them... there is nothing.

    Jean Paul Sartre

  • hidden portraits

  • Late night shopping

    I was a in front of a multi-story building - it was late at night. It seemed like downtown New York.

    The walls were all glass with metal supports, it looked like a palm house from the cast iron era. It was thoroughly transparent, I could look into all the apartments, most people were sleeping but I could see clearly a couple having sex in a room and I had wondered if anybody else could have seen it also.

    I was supposed to visit some friends in this building but I was locked out and I couldnt find their phone number.

    I left the house and I found myself in a bustling Chinese bazaar. I met a young caucasian woman there who was attractive and seemed to be attracted to me - she told me that she spent a few months studying in the far east, but she wouldnt tell me what she studied. I wanted to give her my phone number but my golden mark-er pen that I used on a discarded chi-nese poster kept writing numbers on its own. More numbers than my phone number I wrote one number and it came out in clusters of three or four random numbers instead, per-fectly formed like print. I couldnt retain these numbers but I remember a lot of 4s.

    I looked around in the bazaar and bought some stones, simple yellowish colored river stones - and I was told - that I was also given a child as a bonus.

    I didnt pay attention, or probably just ignored this unex-pected randomness of information from the salesperson, who barely spoke English anyway.

    I was hungry and I wanted to eat something next door but i couldnt explain myself because the people there were all Chinese and didnt speak any English I could only try to draw what I wanted.

    I saw little pastry disks they were preparing there with all kinds of toppings. I just wanted asparagus on them. I drew a blue asparagus with a brush which was like a marker first, but as I started using it transformed into a

    fairly big brush. I used the same wrapping paper to draw on what I used for the phone number before; the blue ink went over yellow and red swats of color, like a callig-raphy. Everybody immediately recognized my asparagus and admired my drafting skill but I didnt get the food.

    It was time to pay for my purchase. They wrapped up everything - the river pebbles in the same poster I used before for writing and drawing - and I threw one of the stones I warmed in my hand inside the package before they completely closed it. I heard the sound as the pebble hit the other stones inside. I had to exit and go to an other room on a side

    street to receive my package after pay-ment. This room was an empty and dirty garage with a big opening to the street.

    My package get significantly bigger - about ten times bigger. They tore off the top corner of the packaging and deliv-ered only that little scrap to me first. I wasnt sure if this was a joke - so I asked for the rest of my package. They said in all seriousness that there was a problem, because there was a living child in the package - and they wonder if that be-longed to me?

    They showed me three little old and dirty looking statues placed in the op-posite corner of the garage on the floor next to the oil stained wall. One was like a small statue with big head and a tiny body it was covered by cracked gold leaf the others looked ornamental,

    decorative pieces but made of the same material they looked very old.

    I now just remembered that I was to receive a child and immediately felt remorse and guilt for the time I spent trying to get food and drawing and doing all kinds of things instead of retrieving this little creature. It felt like hours went by since I was told that this is waiting for me. I claimed the child.

    Indeed the statue was alive and spoke perfect English. Smiled at me and assured me that everything is all right with him and how happy he is that I found him. The other two decorative things were alive as well, swirled their little ornaments disconnected from his body but still part of him. There was a droning buzz in the air. I felt excitement and love and belonging.

    hidden landscapes

  • Repls nerbl

    Elrugaszkodtam s mintahogy azt vzalatti szsnl szoktam megprbltam a legramvonalasabb testtar-tst felvenni hogy minl gyorsabban haladjak a leveg-ben. A levegnek sokkal kisebb az ellenllsa mint a vznek, s br gyorsabban s messzebb jutottam, rez-tem hogy ahogyan lassulok lassan ereszkedem is a fld fel, a gravitci ereje elhatalmasodik a kezd mo-mentum erejn.

    Prbltam evezni s ez egy kicsit segtett, de hama-rosan rjttem hogy csak annyiban amennyire a szn-dkom kifejezse forditdott t mozgss. Nincsenek szrnyaim teht hiba evezek karjaimmal ennek semmi hatsfoka nincs. Viszont akaratom s szndkom s b-torsgom az ami a replst elsegti.

    Persze knnyebb magaslatrl magaslatra szllni s ezrt kerlni is kell a fldreszllst ha lehet mert na-gyobb koncentrcit s akaratert ignyel a felfel repls. Persze a szl s lgmozgsok segthetnek, a fel-fel tdul meleg lgramlatban nagyszer rzs ahogy az htra veszi az embert.

    Egy furcsa ptmnyben talltam magam. Tbb emetnyi, srgs ktglk falai vettek krl ame-lyek keskeny utckat kpeztek s egy labirintust alkot-tak. Brmerre nztem csak falak vettek krl, keresz-tezdsek, jabb utck jabb keresztezdsek s egy id utn mr azt sem tudtam hogy krbe krbe jrok-e vagy valamilyen irnyba csak jeltelen csupasz falak vettek krl.

    Felrepltem a falak tetejig ahol egy aclhlt tall-tam amely elzrta a szabad eget. Rdbbentem hogy rabsgban, kelepcben vagyok. Innen nincs menekvs. Hiba prblnm, nem tudnm kifeszteni a hlt a fal

    tetejn, mert nincs elg emelerm amikor replk. Kell teht tallnom egy olyan pontot ahol ezt meg tu-dom tenni.

    Tallomra elindultam egy irnyba s hamarosan szre-vettem hogy a falak magassga egyre cskken, vagyis a talajszint emelkedik rzssen - mintha egy hegy ol-dalhoz illeszkedne az egsz ptmny. Abban rem-nykedtem hogy ha ez igy folytatdik akkor lesz egy pont ahol a fal teteje tallkozik a hegy oldalval s ott a szilrd fldn llva htam nekifesztsvel kisza-kthatom az aclhlt.

    Remnyem valra vlt, testem minden erejt meg-fesztve kiszabadultam brtnmbl s a hegytetrl a szabadsg mmorval s a meleg hegyvidki szl szrnyn magasba rppentem. Egy hatalmas hegyvonu-lat terlt el alattam kopr sziklkkal s sivatagi tjjal, csak a mlyebben fekv rszeken zldlt ki a tj ahol teraszosan lpcsztt hegyoldalak meandere ltszott.

    Magasan voltam alig volt leveg. Lejebb ereszkedtem s az egyik kopr hegyoldalon emberek hangyit vltem felfedezni. Egy teraszosan kikpzett fldt mellett egy hegyoldalba vjt kocsmt lttam s eltte szines pon-chkba ltztt sapks s kalapos emberek nztek fel rm mulattal.

    Peruban voltam.

  • Selfinduced flight

    I had recoiled and pushed as I would swim under water trying to adopt the most streamlined pos-ture to advance in the air the fastest. Air has much less resistance than water, and though I had advanced faster and farther I sensed my slow-ing down and dropping towards the ground as the gravitational force started to overpower the initial im-petus.

    I have tried to paddle with my arms, to swim and it helped a little but only as much as the expression of my will was translated to movement. I do not have wings so paddling with my arms had very little efficiency. Conversely my will, my intent and my fortitude that helped my flight.

    Certainly easier to fly from elevation to elevation there-fore one should avoid landing on the ground if possible, because it requires much more concentration and power of will to take off. The lifting wind and the shouldering warm upwards rush of air is sure a magnificent feeling.

    I have found myself in a peculiar building.I was surrounded by yellowish stone brick walls of sev-eral stories high forming narrow streets and creating a labyrinth. Any direction I looked there were only walls, intersections more alleys and more intersections after a while I lost my direction and didnt know if I am go-ing in a circle or to some direction. There were only unmarked bare walls surrounding me.

    I have ascended to the top of the wall to find a steel mesh ceiling under the free sky. I had realized that I am a prisoner in a trap. No escape from here. If I would try to pry the steel mesh at the top of the wall while flying it would be in vain since I dont have any leverage. There-fore I must find a place where I can do this.

    Randomly I had set out to a direction and soon I noticed that the height of the walls were decreasing or rather the ground level was rising as an incline of an embankment as if the structure was attached to the side of a mountain. My hope was that at some point the top of the wall will meet the inclining moun-tainside and there I will be able to push the steel mesh with the power of my

    back standing on firm ground.

    My expectation materialized and with all my might I had freed myself from my prison and

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