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Helping your teen respond to teasing

We recognise that all kids are teased about one thing or another. However, teasing often tends to be focused around physical appearance.

Teasing can lead to teens feeling bad about their bodies, low self-esteem, and sadness. In more extreme cases it can contribute to eating disorders and obesity.

How to intervene with teasing:

Help your teen understand why their peers may tease. Some common reasons are listed below. What were you teased about as an adolescent? Take a moment to think about which of these common experiences might apply to your adolescent:

Some teens want the person they are teasing to lose their cool, or get a rise out of them, possibly so that they can laugh at them.

Some adolescents tease because it's fun for them to see someone become upset when their "buttons" (emotional responses) are pushed.

Some teens actually tease others so that they will not get teased first.

In this issue:

Responding to teasing

What if your teen is overweight?

Talking about weight

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What if it’s family members that are doing the teasing?

Sometimes adolescents are teased by family members, such as other parents, grandparents, or siblings. Here are a few tips for managing teasing within the family:

Zero tolerance policy

To deal with teasing by siblings and maybe even other adult relatives, you probably need to set rules of non-acceptance or "zero tolerance". Again, it's similar to a prejudice, so you might treat this kind of teasing similarly to how you would treat a racial slur. For example, “I understand there’s sibling banter that goes on, but I do not want to hear any comments about someone's weight. It's offensive to me."

Tell other adult family members that this kind of teasing/criticism is actually destructive. Teasing makes teens feel worse about their bodies and discouraged. It is more helpful to be supportive of efforts at improving physical activity and healthy eating.

Responding to Teasing

We want to teach you how to help your kids protect their “buttons” so they aren't affected by teasing.

Here’s some tips you can try if your teen is being affected by teasing ...

Make sure your teen understands the ineffective reactions to teasing

Calling the teaser a name back Giving an overly lengthy

response Getting really upset Help your teen practice effective responses to teasing:

Do not lose your cool - shrug and walk away but not in a way that indicates upset

Actively ignore the teaser Say something humorous back

to them Tease the tease: When doing

this, be sure to make fun of the comment that was made, not the teaser. This takes the fun out of teasing, thereby decreasing the likelihood that it will happen further.

How to respond if you are teased or criticised

As adults, you may experience teasing and/or criticism about your own shape or weight. It’s a good idea to come up with ways to cope with this, not only for yourself, but also to model appropriate responses for your children as well.

Assertive (but not aggressive) responses that directly address the criticism are most helpful. For example, "I know you may mean well, but actually your comment isn't that helpful. In fact, it's quite hurtful".

Non-verbal responses to criticism may also be effective. For example simply ignoring the comment, rolling your eyes, shrugging your shoulders.

There’s no such thing as a “joke” about someone’s body – or weight, eating, or exercise behaviours...

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Special Section

What if your teen is overweight?

With overweight adolescents, teasing about physical appearance may cause teens to stop engaging in healthy behaviours that promote weight maintenance, such as physical activity, due to the fear of being further teased about their weight. Not only can teasing lead to decreased healthy behaviours but it also contributes to poor body image, low self-esteem, and depression.

When you help your children learn appropriate responses to teasing they will be more likely to practice weight maintenance behaviours – and feel better about themselves!

Talking to your teen about weight

Parents often feel uneasy when talking about weight and may fear that talking about overweight will hurt your teen’s feelings, damage self-esteem, or make food and eating into a “big issue”.

Teens often have sophisticated views about nutrition, health, and the appearance of their bodies. They usually have a greater degree of responsibility for the food that they eat. They can understand the importance of managing weight and with parental support can come up with creative ideas about how to do this.

Consequences of not talking about weight

We know it can be difficult to talk about sensitive topics; however, teens need their parents’ help to make positive changes.

Most overweight teens do not lose weight without adult support. Healthy eating and exercise is a skill that needs teaching just like learning to drive.

Adolescents can’t hide when there are overweight. Even young kids are aware of teasing about weight. Not talking about overweight can give the message that being overweight is something you shouldn’t talk about.

When teens try to lose weight without parent or expert help they are often at greater risk for developing eating problems than adolescents who talk to their parents openly about being overweight and feel supported by parents.

TIME TO TALK!

Has your teen ever experi-enced weight or appearance-related teasing? Have they observed this happen to oth-ers? Take time to ask your teen about their experiences and practice the skills you’ve learned in this issue.